[Quick Summary: After meeting an intriguing woman at 2 a.m., Paul, a bored computer processor, has a bad, bad, bad, horrible night.]
This is one weird script. Ebert calls this the "tensest comedy" and a satire.
I get "comedy" but "satire"?
In this story, Paul meets a stranger, Marcy, at 2 a.m. in New York. She
invites him to her friend's apartment, and he encounters stranger and stranger situations.
Oh, I see! They're trying to satirize is what it feels like to live in a big city, i.e., the dealing with the unexpected.
But how to pull it off?
a) Satire = Exaggeration. The writer gave Paul merciless, unrelenting waves of the unexpected. This is funny for some reason.
b) Pacing & Tension. However, it was crucial to have strong pacing and tension to harness the waves. Otherwise, it's just random scenes leading nowhere.
In the scene below, note:
- The pacing races along until Kiki's reveal, i.e., the a-ha! moment.
- Paul is quite tense &/or relieved, based on wrong facts.
- The overall effect is feeling discombobulated. These people are not real, are they?
- It's a funny scene...Is it because of the situation? Or how people respond to tension?
ex. "EXT. SPRING ST.
PAUL begins heading int he direction of the bar, when, crossing a street, he sees, to the south, two FIGURES, one carrying a TV set and the other that life-size sculpture from KIKI'S loft. The FIGURES stop behind a van parked on the street. PAUL runs toward them.
PAUL: Hey! [This scene establishes Paul's expectations: Robbers stole an acquaintance's sculpture. Paul is offended.]
Hearing this, both FIGURES drop what they're carrying. They quickly climb into the van and drive off, speeding by PAUL who soon reaches the TV, the tube broken, and the sculpture. He straddles the latter behind him, piggy-back style, and carries it toward Broome St. [Paul has rescued Kiki's stolen property & is relieved.]
CUT TO:
EXT. LOFT BUILDING.
PAUL presses KIKI's buzzer, then looks up at the fourth floor window. KIKI pops her head out, but she is gagged and, apparently, bound. Her head disappears, then pops out again with her keys dangling from her mouth. She lets them fall. [Paul sees Kiki is bound & assumes it was before the robbery. He is tense again.]
INT. LOFT BUILDING.
PAUL rounds a landing with difficulty, the statue an awkward burden. [This is ironic that he wouldn't put down the statue. This is unexpected & funny.]
CUT TO:
INT. KIKI'S LOFT.
PAUL enters. KIKI is huddled in a corner, tied up. PAUL moves over to her and removes her gag.
KIKI: Paul...
PAUL: Kiki...
KIKI: It's raining!
PAUL: No, it isn't.
PAUL begins to untie her.
PAUL: How'd they get in?
KIKI: How'd who get in?
PAUL: The burglars.
KIKI: What burglars?
PAUL stops untying her, confused. [Pacing: It's been fast, fast, now slows.]
PAUL: The guys I just saw with your sculpture...and a TV set. [Paul states his beliefs.]
KIKI slowly breaks into a grin.
KIKI: Neil and Pepe?..I just sold them my television. What are you doing with my sculpture? [Reveal: Kiki's property was not stolen. Paul's beliefs are upended.]
At that moment HORST enters, dressed in black leather clothing, with spurred boots and spiked bracelets. [Pacing: A new character is introduced, adding to the mayhem.]
KIKI (to PAUL): I'm sorry, but you can't stay the night. Not after the way you walked out on Marcy. Regular ladykiller, aren't ya? [Twist: Kiki is acting as if being bound is normal. This is odd to a normal guy like Paul.]
HORST: This the guy? (to PAUL) I'm Horst. [Twist: Horst is acting as if Kiki being bound is normal too. This is doubly odd for Paul.]
PAUL: Paul. Could you...? (indicates sculpture still on his back)" [Comedy: It's funny that Paul is carrying the sculpture all this time.]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: It took me awhile to see the satire. I am impressed that as weird as it was to read, it was simply grounded, i.e., This guy just wants to go home.
After Hours (1985)(4th draft, dated 6/6/84)
by Joseph Minion
Monday, June 25, 2018
Monday, June 18, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: The Wind and The Lion (1975) - How To Read a Script With Distracting Formatting
[Quick Summary: When an American woman and her children are kidnapped by the last of the Barbary pirates, Teddy Roosevelt sends a rescue team in a political move.]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.
You've skimmed down to the example below and said, "How does a writer get away with that? Scripts today don't look like that! Why should I read that?"
First, today's script was written by the director.
Second, it was probably the best he could do to convey what he was trying to convey.
Third, reading challenging scripts make you a better writer.
Fourth, ugly scripts are bought as often as pretty ones.*
HOW TO READ A SCRIPT WITH DISTRACTING/UGLY FORMATTING:
- Ignore the formatting as best you can.
- Ignore the denseness of the black print.
- Focus on what the writer is trying to convey (mood, emotion, etc.) Did it work?
- Focus on why the scene worked as it was intended, despite the formatting.
In the example below, notice:
- Eden is being seduced by the desert.
- Each sentence is part of the puzzle, a layer upon layer.
- The arc of the scene is from surprise --> enjoying --> startled at the seduction.
- Did you see her surprise coming?
ex. "THE PALACE OF RAISULI - NIGHT
...Eden put her foot into the water with great trepidation. She looked around again to see if anyone was watching and once more took in the extreme aloneness of the place. It was timeless, as if it had been waiting forever for her to be here now. She stepped back out and loosened her silk Berber robes at the belt, let them cascade down her shoulders and fall silently at her feet. She now stood naked, the moonlight reflecting softly on her skin and the breeze gently cooling her. Above her the vast expanse of the moon and stars, around her the cliffs and flower drenched walls. The sound of the Berber men singing carried from distant tents on the sweet smelling dry wind. She slipped smoothly into the warm scented waters and watched the reflection of the moon sparkle on their surface. The world seemed to ripple like the surface of the water starting from deep within her and pulsating out in ever widening circles over everything she had ever known or been. She gave herself up to the desert, the cliffs and the sound of the Berbers singing. And a part of her soul slipped easily away on the wind and brushed over the mountains. And she knew it was gone. She sat up.
EDEN: I can't let this go on. I must escape, God willing. I must escape!"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Be bold on the page. Don't limit yourself, even if you need paragraphs to get your ideas across.
The Wind and the Lion (1975)(undated draft)
Written & directed by John Milius
*Scripts are not rejected solely based on formatting, contrary to popular myth. The determining factor is whether the execution of ideas is effective (is it moving? inspiring? scary? romantic?)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.
You've skimmed down to the example below and said, "How does a writer get away with that? Scripts today don't look like that! Why should I read that?"
First, today's script was written by the director.
Second, it was probably the best he could do to convey what he was trying to convey.
Third, reading challenging scripts make you a better writer.
Fourth, ugly scripts are bought as often as pretty ones.*
HOW TO READ A SCRIPT WITH DISTRACTING/UGLY FORMATTING:
- Ignore the formatting as best you can.
- Ignore the denseness of the black print.
- Focus on what the writer is trying to convey (mood, emotion, etc.) Did it work?
- Focus on why the scene worked as it was intended, despite the formatting.
In the example below, notice:
- Eden is being seduced by the desert.
- Each sentence is part of the puzzle, a layer upon layer.
- The arc of the scene is from surprise --> enjoying --> startled at the seduction.
- Did you see her surprise coming?
ex. "THE PALACE OF RAISULI - NIGHT
...Eden put her foot into the water with great trepidation. She looked around again to see if anyone was watching and once more took in the extreme aloneness of the place. It was timeless, as if it had been waiting forever for her to be here now. She stepped back out and loosened her silk Berber robes at the belt, let them cascade down her shoulders and fall silently at her feet. She now stood naked, the moonlight reflecting softly on her skin and the breeze gently cooling her. Above her the vast expanse of the moon and stars, around her the cliffs and flower drenched walls. The sound of the Berber men singing carried from distant tents on the sweet smelling dry wind. She slipped smoothly into the warm scented waters and watched the reflection of the moon sparkle on their surface. The world seemed to ripple like the surface of the water starting from deep within her and pulsating out in ever widening circles over everything she had ever known or been. She gave herself up to the desert, the cliffs and the sound of the Berbers singing. And a part of her soul slipped easily away on the wind and brushed over the mountains. And she knew it was gone. She sat up.
EDEN: I can't let this go on. I must escape, God willing. I must escape!"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Be bold on the page. Don't limit yourself, even if you need paragraphs to get your ideas across.
The Wind and the Lion (1975)(undated draft)
Written & directed by John Milius
*Scripts are not rejected solely based on formatting, contrary to popular myth. The determining factor is whether the execution of ideas is effective (is it moving? inspiring? scary? romantic?)
Monday, June 11, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: Ghosts of Mars (2001) - Clarity When Changing POV
[Quick Summary: On Mars, four cops arrive at a mining outpost to take a prisoner back to the big city...but only one cop survives the trip.]
CON: I didn't connect with this script, though it has all the elements - efficient, fast moving, Western, sci-fi, an escape. I'm not sure why.
PRO: I've always found it difficult to clearly change point of view (POV) without confusing the reader. This script makes it look so easy and natural.
In the scene below, we begin with characters meeting the Local Cop ---> Local Cop looking at the characters.
ex. "INT. STORAGE AREA - NIGHT
Bashira is alone in the storage area. She's frozen, staring at a locket closet. From inside comes a rhythmic THUMPING. Something's inside....
Helena draws her weapon and nods to Jericho to unlock the closet. He quietly fiddles with the lock and...
THE DOOR OPENS [First, characters look at Local Cop.]
A uniformed woman, a LOCAL COP, 20's, falls out. She seems more like a mental patient than a cop. She's in a stupor, but she raises her right arm and then makes a strange repetitive gesture, moving her arms listlessly together and then apart, the thumbs and index fingers extended upward.
HELENA: Officer, are you all right? (no response) Can you speak?
LOCAL COP (GHOST) POV [Then we switch to Local Cop's POV looking back.]
looking at Helena and the others.
The POV is strange, distorted.
Helena's VOICE sounds weird, slowed-down. This is the POV of something inside the Local Cop. A ghost. [This emphasizes we're still in Local Cop's POV.]
HELENA: Officer? Talk to me. What's going on?"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Introduce a character before switching to that character's POV. Don't jump too fast to the new character's POV, otherwise it's too confusing.
ex. Introduce Local Cop before switching to Local Cop's POV.
Ghosts of Mars (2001)(undated)
by Larry Sulkis & John Carpenter
CON: I didn't connect with this script, though it has all the elements - efficient, fast moving, Western, sci-fi, an escape. I'm not sure why.
PRO: I've always found it difficult to clearly change point of view (POV) without confusing the reader. This script makes it look so easy and natural.
In the scene below, we begin with characters meeting the Local Cop ---> Local Cop looking at the characters.
ex. "INT. STORAGE AREA - NIGHT
Bashira is alone in the storage area. She's frozen, staring at a locket closet. From inside comes a rhythmic THUMPING. Something's inside....
Helena draws her weapon and nods to Jericho to unlock the closet. He quietly fiddles with the lock and...
THE DOOR OPENS [First, characters look at Local Cop.]
A uniformed woman, a LOCAL COP, 20's, falls out. She seems more like a mental patient than a cop. She's in a stupor, but she raises her right arm and then makes a strange repetitive gesture, moving her arms listlessly together and then apart, the thumbs and index fingers extended upward.
HELENA: Officer, are you all right? (no response) Can you speak?
LOCAL COP (GHOST) POV [Then we switch to Local Cop's POV looking back.]
looking at Helena and the others.
The POV is strange, distorted.
Helena's VOICE sounds weird, slowed-down. This is the POV of something inside the Local Cop. A ghost. [This emphasizes we're still in Local Cop's POV.]
HELENA: Officer? Talk to me. What's going on?"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Introduce a character before switching to that character's POV. Don't jump too fast to the new character's POV, otherwise it's too confusing.
ex. Introduce Local Cop before switching to Local Cop's POV.
Ghosts of Mars (2001)(undated)
by Larry Sulkis & John Carpenter
Monday, June 4, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: Black Moon Rising (1986) - Part 2: Emotionally Justifying the Big Action Scene
[Quick Summary: Quint steals and stashes evidence in Black Moon, a
prototype car which has been stolen, and must break into a chop shop
fortress to retrieve it.]
TWO THOUGHTS: [Sorry for the length of the post, but the example is long.]
2) EMOTIONALLY JUSTIFYING THE BIG ACTION SCENE.
OLD DAYS: The writer would first create a character's story ---> He/she may/may not include a big action scene.
TODAY: A director or producer says, "I want a big explosion and a car chase." --> The writer has to create a story around, i.e., justify, the explosion and/or car chase.
So what do you do? You start with character if you're smart. Where is the character emotionally at the Big Action moment? Why is there need for emotional release?
Then you backtrack:
- The goal is the Big Action scene. Where is he/she emotionally?
- Create a conflict that will ramp up your character into that emotional state.
- Create a situation that allows those emotions to surface.
Let's use the scene below as an example.
- Big Action scene: Nina drives a Jag out of an underground garage by the skin-of-her-teeth.
- This scene releases all the tension of the scenes that have come before.
- Where is she emotionally? Needs release from anger at Ryland, her boss.
- What conflict would allow those emotions to surface? She is angry at Ryland. Indebted. Unappreciated. Disrespected.
- What situation would show that she's angry, indebted, unappreciated, disrespected? A scene where Nina conflicts with Ryland. She wants independence. He wins the argument. She is steaming.
ex. "INT. UNDERGROUND ASSEMBLY PLANT
...She indicates an apparatus on the engine wall.
TECHNICIAN: Runs on hydrogen?
NINA: Runs on something. [Nina is smart, confident.]
Another Technician runs his hand along the car body.
SECOND TECHNICIAN: It's so light.
NINA: It's a composite of some kind, probably carbon fiber. [She knows what she's talking about.]
She moves to the rear of the car, checks the parachute holder.
NINA: It's got a parachute. It needs it.
She looks down into a notch in the rig - where QUINT stuffed the memory disk. Does she see something there?
RYLAND (O.S.): Interesting machine. What is it?
NINA's exploration is cut short. She looks up as RYLAND strolls over, LUIS right behind him. The Technicians and Mechanics show deference. NINA doesn't bother.
NINA: It's an interesting machine.
RYLAND takes it in.
RYLAND: And what am I supposed to do with it? [He dismisses her opinion.]
NINA: Nothing. It's mine. [She asserts independence.]
RYLAND: I see. You're making these decisions now. [He feels threatened.]
NINA: Just this once. [She backs down a little, knows owes him a debt.]
RYLAND: Oh. Good. For a moment there I thought you were after my job. [He makes a joke but still dominates.]
He smiles. LUIS laughs. Others laugh. RYLAND's eyes never leave NINA. She matches him stare for stare.
RYLAND: I understand there was a problem. [He's probing to test loyalty.]
NINA: What do you mean?
RYLAND doesn't reply. The silence is his reply. All eyes are on NINA now.
NINA: A guy tried to follow me. I lost him.
RYLAND: Did you?
NINA: Yes.
RYLAND: There was a man in the outer garage right after you got in. Coincidence? [He doesn't believe her. Is she helping Quint?]
NINA: I lost him.
RYLAND: So it was a coincidence.
NINA says nothing.
RYLAND: A car like this attracts attention. Did you think about that? [He is unappreciative.]
NINA: I brought in half your goddamn order tonight.
RYLAND: I'm talking about this one! [He scolds her for independent thinking.]
He slams the hood of the Black Moon.
RYLAND: This is a business, Nina. We don't take "trophies." [He shames her.]
NINA: Fine, then do what you want with it. [She's mad.]
She's as angry as he is. She turns and stomps away across the plant floor. RYLAND calls after her.
RYLAND: I have your permission, do I? [He dominates with the last word.]
NINA stops, turns. If looks could kill.
RYLAND meets her look. The plant has gone silent, everyone watching, anticipating an explosion.
NINA turns away. This isn't the time or the place. She heads across the floor. Crisis averted.
RYLAND, the winner of the round, gives the Black Moon a gentle pat.
RYLAND: Quite a car.
...
INT. UNDERGROUND ASSEMBLY PLANT
NINA steers a sleek E-Type Jaguar across the busy plant floor toward the garage wall exit gate. She stops by a control box with a speaker and video camera attached. She looks into the camera.
NINA: Open the door, Richard.
No response. Then...
VOICE: One moment.
INT. RYLAND'S OFFICE - DAY
RYLAND is transferring numbers from his clicking Telex Machine into his computer. There's a buzz. He responds.
RYLAND: What?
NINA: Nina's leaving.
RYLAND instantly activates one of his monitors. The image of NINA in the Jag materializes.
RYLAND: Where are you going?
She shows her frustration.
NINA: Jesus Christ, out!
RYLAND: I want to see you. [He demands obedience.]
NINA: Later.
RYLAND: Now!
INT. PLANT
NINA speaks straight to the video camera, her voice quiet but intense.
NINA: No. [She defies him. Earlier, we saw why there's anger built up (setup). This is the payoff.]
She suddenly jams the car into reverse. The tires squeel. The Jag screeches backwards across the plant floor.
Started Mechanics and Technicians turn to see what's up.
INT. RYLAND'S OFFICE - DAY
He punches up a row of monitors trying to keep NINA in view. He picks her up as the car brakes sharply near the head of the assembly area.
RYLAND: What the hell are you doing?
INT. JAG
NINA throws the car into forward gear, steps on the accelerator. The car shoots ahead.
The audience reacts. She's heading all out for the wall.
INT. RYLAND'S OFFICE - DAY
RYLAND reacts.
RYLAND: Nina! [He has personal feelings for Nina.]
INT. JAG
NINA's unwavering. He hands are clamped the wheel, her face is calm. The car rushes toward the wall.
RYLAND'S VOICE: NINA!!
INT. RYLAND'S OFFICE/PLANT/JAG
RYLAND reaches for the wall door switch, hesitates.
The gap narrows.
The crew looks on, breathless.
NINA'S not going to stop.
RYLAND stares at his monitors.
The Jag nears the wall
RYLAND throws the switch.
The wall door starts to rise.
NINA doesn't let up.
RYLAND watches, stunned by what's happening.
The Jag scrapes just under the rising door, clearing by inches.
NINA lets out a long held breath.
The Mechanics and Technicians burst out of their tense silence. Some applaud, some cheer, everyone's buzzing. [Relief. All the emotions are released.]
RYLAND is trembling. Beads of sweat rim his forehead.
The wall door starts down again.
EXT. RYLAND TOWERS - DAY
The Jag roars out of the parking garage into the cul de sac.
INT. RYLAND'S OFFICE - DAY
LUIS comes in with a handful of business papers. RYLAND'S still shaking.
RYLAND: Get out! [He is mad that she won the war.]
Luis goes."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The most effective Big Action scenes have a good amount of setup beforehand, both emotionally and plot wise.
Black Moon Rising (1986)(2nd draft, dated 12/19/84)
by John Carpenter and William Gray
Story by John Carpenter
TWO THOUGHTS: [Sorry for the length of the post, but the example is long.]
2) EMOTIONALLY JUSTIFYING THE BIG ACTION SCENE.
OLD DAYS: The writer would first create a character's story ---> He/she may/may not include a big action scene.
TODAY: A director or producer says, "I want a big explosion and a car chase." --> The writer has to create a story around, i.e., justify, the explosion and/or car chase.
So what do you do? You start with character if you're smart. Where is the character emotionally at the Big Action moment? Why is there need for emotional release?
Then you backtrack:
- The goal is the Big Action scene. Where is he/she emotionally?
- Create a conflict that will ramp up your character into that emotional state.
- Create a situation that allows those emotions to surface.
Let's use the scene below as an example.
- Big Action scene: Nina drives a Jag out of an underground garage by the skin-of-her-teeth.
- This scene releases all the tension of the scenes that have come before.
- Where is she emotionally? Needs release from anger at Ryland, her boss.
- What conflict would allow those emotions to surface? She is angry at Ryland. Indebted. Unappreciated. Disrespected.
- What situation would show that she's angry, indebted, unappreciated, disrespected? A scene where Nina conflicts with Ryland. She wants independence. He wins the argument. She is steaming.
ex. "INT. UNDERGROUND ASSEMBLY PLANT
...She indicates an apparatus on the engine wall.
TECHNICIAN: Runs on hydrogen?
NINA: Runs on something. [Nina is smart, confident.]
Another Technician runs his hand along the car body.
SECOND TECHNICIAN: It's so light.
NINA: It's a composite of some kind, probably carbon fiber. [She knows what she's talking about.]
She moves to the rear of the car, checks the parachute holder.
NINA: It's got a parachute. It needs it.
She looks down into a notch in the rig - where QUINT stuffed the memory disk. Does she see something there?
RYLAND (O.S.): Interesting machine. What is it?
NINA's exploration is cut short. She looks up as RYLAND strolls over, LUIS right behind him. The Technicians and Mechanics show deference. NINA doesn't bother.
NINA: It's an interesting machine.
RYLAND takes it in.
RYLAND: And what am I supposed to do with it? [He dismisses her opinion.]
NINA: Nothing. It's mine. [She asserts independence.]
RYLAND: I see. You're making these decisions now. [He feels threatened.]
NINA: Just this once. [She backs down a little, knows owes him a debt.]
RYLAND: Oh. Good. For a moment there I thought you were after my job. [He makes a joke but still dominates.]
He smiles. LUIS laughs. Others laugh. RYLAND's eyes never leave NINA. She matches him stare for stare.
RYLAND: I understand there was a problem. [He's probing to test loyalty.]
NINA: What do you mean?
RYLAND doesn't reply. The silence is his reply. All eyes are on NINA now.
NINA: A guy tried to follow me. I lost him.
RYLAND: Did you?
NINA: Yes.
RYLAND: There was a man in the outer garage right after you got in. Coincidence? [He doesn't believe her. Is she helping Quint?]
NINA: I lost him.
RYLAND: So it was a coincidence.
NINA says nothing.
RYLAND: A car like this attracts attention. Did you think about that? [He is unappreciative.]
NINA: I brought in half your goddamn order tonight.
RYLAND: I'm talking about this one! [He scolds her for independent thinking.]
He slams the hood of the Black Moon.
RYLAND: This is a business, Nina. We don't take "trophies." [He shames her.]
NINA: Fine, then do what you want with it. [She's mad.]
She's as angry as he is. She turns and stomps away across the plant floor. RYLAND calls after her.
RYLAND: I have your permission, do I? [He dominates with the last word.]
NINA stops, turns. If looks could kill.
RYLAND meets her look. The plant has gone silent, everyone watching, anticipating an explosion.
NINA turns away. This isn't the time or the place. She heads across the floor. Crisis averted.
RYLAND, the winner of the round, gives the Black Moon a gentle pat.
RYLAND: Quite a car.
...
INT. UNDERGROUND ASSEMBLY PLANT
NINA steers a sleek E-Type Jaguar across the busy plant floor toward the garage wall exit gate. She stops by a control box with a speaker and video camera attached. She looks into the camera.
NINA: Open the door, Richard.
No response. Then...
VOICE: One moment.
INT. RYLAND'S OFFICE - DAY
RYLAND is transferring numbers from his clicking Telex Machine into his computer. There's a buzz. He responds.
RYLAND: What?
NINA: Nina's leaving.
RYLAND instantly activates one of his monitors. The image of NINA in the Jag materializes.
RYLAND: Where are you going?
She shows her frustration.
NINA: Jesus Christ, out!
RYLAND: I want to see you. [He demands obedience.]
NINA: Later.
RYLAND: Now!
INT. PLANT
NINA speaks straight to the video camera, her voice quiet but intense.
NINA: No. [She defies him. Earlier, we saw why there's anger built up (setup). This is the payoff.]
She suddenly jams the car into reverse. The tires squeel. The Jag screeches backwards across the plant floor.
Started Mechanics and Technicians turn to see what's up.
INT. RYLAND'S OFFICE - DAY
He punches up a row of monitors trying to keep NINA in view. He picks her up as the car brakes sharply near the head of the assembly area.
RYLAND: What the hell are you doing?
INT. JAG
NINA throws the car into forward gear, steps on the accelerator. The car shoots ahead.
The audience reacts. She's heading all out for the wall.
INT. RYLAND'S OFFICE - DAY
RYLAND reacts.
RYLAND: Nina! [He has personal feelings for Nina.]
INT. JAG
NINA's unwavering. He hands are clamped the wheel, her face is calm. The car rushes toward the wall.
RYLAND'S VOICE: NINA!!
INT. RYLAND'S OFFICE/PLANT/JAG
RYLAND reaches for the wall door switch, hesitates.
The gap narrows.
The crew looks on, breathless.
NINA'S not going to stop.
RYLAND stares at his monitors.
The Jag nears the wall
RYLAND throws the switch.
The wall door starts to rise.
NINA doesn't let up.
RYLAND watches, stunned by what's happening.
The Jag scrapes just under the rising door, clearing by inches.
NINA lets out a long held breath.
The Mechanics and Technicians burst out of their tense silence. Some applaud, some cheer, everyone's buzzing. [Relief. All the emotions are released.]
RYLAND is trembling. Beads of sweat rim his forehead.
The wall door starts down again.
EXT. RYLAND TOWERS - DAY
The Jag roars out of the parking garage into the cul de sac.
INT. RYLAND'S OFFICE - DAY
LUIS comes in with a handful of business papers. RYLAND'S still shaking.
RYLAND: Get out! [He is mad that she won the war.]
Luis goes."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The most effective Big Action scenes have a good amount of setup beforehand, both emotionally and plot wise.
Black Moon Rising (1986)(2nd draft, dated 12/19/84)
by John Carpenter and William Gray
Story by John Carpenter
TODAY'S NUGGET: Black Moon Rising (1986) - Part 1: Three Story Lines
[Quick Summary: Quint steals and stashes evidence in Black Moon, a
prototype car which has been stolen, and must break into a chop shop
fortress to retrieve it.]
TWO THOUGHTS:
1) 3 STORY LINES. In my list of the "most difficult writing skills,"* I put three separate story lines near the top.**
This script has three story lines that will intersect, which is a more common structure:
- Quint's story - He needs to find the Black Moon to retrieve the evidence.
- Nina's story - She's a car thief who has stolen Black Moon.
- Black Moon builders - They want their car back.
Everyone has a different motive, but everyone wants Black Moon, i.e., the point of intersection. This puts them in direct conflict with each other.
Also, it keeps the tension keeps rising.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When story lines intersect, it is often over a common object or person. This ensures that the characters continue to directly conflict.
Black Moon Rising (1986)(2nd draft, dated 12/19/84)
by John Carpenter and William Gray
Story by John Carpenter
*Also on the list: Rom-coms (for striking the right tone).
**Best Years of Our Lives (1946) is the only script that I've found so far that handled three separate story lines in a satisfying way. Even there, I considered it 2 1/2 story lines because two stories crossed a little.
TWO THOUGHTS:
1) 3 STORY LINES. In my list of the "most difficult writing skills,"* I put three separate story lines near the top.**
This script has three story lines that will intersect, which is a more common structure:
- Quint's story - He needs to find the Black Moon to retrieve the evidence.
- Nina's story - She's a car thief who has stolen Black Moon.
- Black Moon builders - They want their car back.
Everyone has a different motive, but everyone wants Black Moon, i.e., the point of intersection. This puts them in direct conflict with each other.
Also, it keeps the tension keeps rising.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When story lines intersect, it is often over a common object or person. This ensures that the characters continue to directly conflict.
Black Moon Rising (1986)(2nd draft, dated 12/19/84)
by John Carpenter and William Gray
Story by John Carpenter
*Also on the list: Rom-coms (for striking the right tone).
**Best Years of Our Lives (1946) is the only script that I've found so far that handled three separate story lines in a satisfying way. Even there, I considered it 2 1/2 story lines because two stories crossed a little.
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