[Quick Summary: When Ben, a diehard Red Sox fan, meets Lindsey, a competitive banker, they learn what it is like to manage love with the baseball season.]
A tip for screenwriters: Sometimes what you write on the page is great and makes a point, but on film, it's too predictable.
(In other words, be flexible. Directors may change things for a good reason.)
For example, in this script, Ben does not know Lindsey well yet. She is sick at home, so he picks up a video to make her feel better.
Her favorite film is "Young Frankenstein." He picked up "Young Frankenstein" just by chance!
As a reader, one would think, "Awww, isn't that sweet? They have the same sensibility. They are meant for each other!"
However, the directors felt it was too "on the nose." They kept the scene, but changed the video title.
ex. "He PICKS UP a Blockbuster Video bag.
LINDSEY: What's that?
BEN: Oh, I rented some movies in case you woke up. Not in case -- I knew you'd wake up. I meant, in case you woke up in the middle of the night.
LINDSEY: Anything good?
BEN: Uh...mostly animated pornography from Japan.
She LAUGHS.
BEN (CONT'D): And a few things I like.
LINDSEY: Like what?
BEN: Well, things I watch when I'm sick.
LINDSEY: With me it's "Young Frankenstein."
He looks STUNNED.
LINDSEY (CONT'D): What?
He takes a copy of "Young Frankenstein" out of the bag.
LINDSEY (CONT'D): ...spooky."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: To be honest, I'd have written it the exact same way. The scene doesn't convey the same meaning with two different films.
However, I also think the directors made the right change for film.
This is a great example of how a script is a blueprint to get a point across, but the actual execution may be different.
Fever Pitch (2005)(10/18/02 draft)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Based on the novel "Fever Pitch" by Nick Hornby and the 1997 film "Fever Pitch", screenplay by Nick Hornby
Monday, August 26, 2019
Monday, August 19, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: EdTV (1999) - The Purpose of a Montage
[Quick Summary: Ed, a video store clerk, signs a deal to broadcast his life on reality tv 24-7, but the stress and lack of privacy ruins all his closest relationships.]
Q: Why are new writers told, "Don't use voice overs, flashbacks, montages"?
A: They are often overused and/or used poorly.
Q: How are they used poorly?
A: Solely to dump information on the audience. It bores the audience, and is lazy.
Q: Is there a better way to use voice overs, flashbacks, montages?
A: Yes. You, the writer, must always know what is the purpose for them.
ex. Is the voice over trying to set an ironic tone?
ex. Does the flashback show the character's current mind, i.e., stuck in the past?
ex. Does the montage ramp up the tension?
Below is a montage from this script.
- What is its purpose? It is a SET UP for the next scene in the rock club.
- The montage does not just deliver information (despite fame, Ed and Shari are finally happily dating) but also sets up the turn (fame is interfering with happiness).
ex. "INT. SHORT MONTAGE
Ed and Shari dating. She's shy, but she really likes Ed. He likes her and is very sweet to her.
1) Ed and Shari some place like "Tavern on the Green." She looks pretty. He's very happy.
2) They come out of a club. TOURISTS photograph them. Shari is a little disconcerted. Ed takes out a little camera of his own and photographs the tourists. This makes Shari laugh and relaxes her.
3) HOCKEY ARENA
CLOSE-UP of Ed, riving the Zamboni. He's loving it. He WAVES to Shari.
SHARI IN THE STANDS,
watching. She waves and smiles.
The ice, a WIDER SHOT.
The Zamboni is, basically out of control. Carlos is sliding along the ice, shooting Ed as the Zamboni zig-zags dangerously, eventually crashing into the boards, shattering the plexi-glass.
INT. LOCAL ROCK CLUB - NIGHT
It is very CROWDED. Claustrophobic. Loud. Ed and Shari enter -- just to see the show. They're spotted.
The Crowd, which is already fired up by the music, sees them. It starts out okay, people crowding around, patting Ed on the back.
A CHANT begins "Ed, Ed, Ed..." Pretty soon it drowns out the music.
More people press toward Ed. It's too crowded --dangerous. Shari is swept away from Ed. She's buffeted about, violently. She goes down. Ed can't move. The Crowd is friendly and happy, but the effect is scary.
EXT. ROCK CLUB - A FEW MINUTES LATER
BOUNCERS squeeze Ed and Shari out the door, protecting them. Ed is unnerved. Shari is somewhat bedraggled. Her clothing is torn."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: A montage is a wonderful shortcut, but is most effective if it has a defined purpose.
EdTV (1999)(6th draft, 7/16/97)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Q: Why are new writers told, "Don't use voice overs, flashbacks, montages"?
A: They are often overused and/or used poorly.
Q: How are they used poorly?
A: Solely to dump information on the audience. It bores the audience, and is lazy.
Q: Is there a better way to use voice overs, flashbacks, montages?
A: Yes. You, the writer, must always know what is the purpose for them.
ex. Is the voice over trying to set an ironic tone?
ex. Does the flashback show the character's current mind, i.e., stuck in the past?
ex. Does the montage ramp up the tension?
Below is a montage from this script.
- What is its purpose? It is a SET UP for the next scene in the rock club.
- The montage does not just deliver information (despite fame, Ed and Shari are finally happily dating) but also sets up the turn (fame is interfering with happiness).
ex. "INT. SHORT MONTAGE
Ed and Shari dating. She's shy, but she really likes Ed. He likes her and is very sweet to her.
1) Ed and Shari some place like "Tavern on the Green." She looks pretty. He's very happy.
2) They come out of a club. TOURISTS photograph them. Shari is a little disconcerted. Ed takes out a little camera of his own and photographs the tourists. This makes Shari laugh and relaxes her.
3) HOCKEY ARENA
CLOSE-UP of Ed, riving the Zamboni. He's loving it. He WAVES to Shari.
SHARI IN THE STANDS,
watching. She waves and smiles.
The ice, a WIDER SHOT.
The Zamboni is, basically out of control. Carlos is sliding along the ice, shooting Ed as the Zamboni zig-zags dangerously, eventually crashing into the boards, shattering the plexi-glass.
INT. LOCAL ROCK CLUB - NIGHT
It is very CROWDED. Claustrophobic. Loud. Ed and Shari enter -- just to see the show. They're spotted.
The Crowd, which is already fired up by the music, sees them. It starts out okay, people crowding around, patting Ed on the back.
A CHANT begins "Ed, Ed, Ed..." Pretty soon it drowns out the music.
More people press toward Ed. It's too crowded --dangerous. Shari is swept away from Ed. She's buffeted about, violently. She goes down. Ed can't move. The Crowd is friendly and happy, but the effect is scary.
EXT. ROCK CLUB - A FEW MINUTES LATER
BOUNCERS squeeze Ed and Shari out the door, protecting them. Ed is unnerved. Shari is somewhat bedraggled. Her clothing is torn."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: A montage is a wonderful shortcut, but is most effective if it has a defined purpose.
EdTV (1999)(6th draft, 7/16/97)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Monday, August 12, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Multiplicity (1996) - Clever Way to Show the Protagonist's Flaw
[Quick Summary: To have more time, Doug clones himself to help with work and family, but then he misses out on the life that the clones are living for him.]
BAD NEWS: This script was started to drag about half-way through.
Why? As one critic put it:
Also, I really liked how the writers introduced the protagonist's flaw.
Doug is a general contractor and a good family man, but he's a workaholic.
The scene below shows us in one scene how Doug is trying to juggle everything and failing. His flaw is not knowing what he wants and failing to prioritize.
ex. "INT. THE PICKUP - CONTINUOUS
Doug juggles the cellular phone and a cup of McDonald's coffee as he pops a couple of Tums.
DOUG (bugged): All right, fax the plans to me in the car...Okay, go.
He pushes a couple of buttons on his car fax and hears a beep.
DOUG: Hold on --I got another call. (he hits call-waiting) Hello?... Oh, hi, babe. How's it going (it's his wife, who he loves) I don't know when I'll be home. Why?... What's "bridging"?
The fax machine comes alive and starts spitting out shredded paper.
DOUG: Shit!...No, not that -- my fax is screwing up. Hold on a sec, okay? (back to the guy on hold) Eddie, you have to send it again. My fax machine just ate it... What brand? "piece of shit." It's an off-brand.
He angrily rips the shredded paper out of the fax and spills his coffee on his lap.
DOUG: Goddamn it!...What?! No, not you. I just spilled my coffee. Hold on... (back to his wife, mopping up coffee from between his legs) I'm sorry, babe. This is like a bad dream. What's this "bridging" thing?...Oh yeah, Jennifer -- Daisies to Brownies. Right, I remember. (he doesn't) Six-thirty -- I'm writing it down -- (he isn't) Okay, I love you, too. See you later.
The fax machine makes a terrible grinding noise and starts shredding more paper. Doug slams his fist down on it."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I thought the juggling in a confined space was very clever because the juggling is not just a metaphor, but literal (car fax, phone, coffee).
Multiplicity (1996)(rev by Harold Ramis, 5/10/95)
by Chris Miller & Mary Hale and Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
BAD NEWS: This script was started to drag about half-way through.
Why? As one critic put it:
As it is, the promising material of “Multiplicity” gets awfully thin. It feels more like a short film grown long, which is death to a comedy.GOOD NEWS: The first half lays out the premise well in an economical manner.
Also, I really liked how the writers introduced the protagonist's flaw.
Doug is a general contractor and a good family man, but he's a workaholic.
The scene below shows us in one scene how Doug is trying to juggle everything and failing. His flaw is not knowing what he wants and failing to prioritize.
ex. "INT. THE PICKUP - CONTINUOUS
Doug juggles the cellular phone and a cup of McDonald's coffee as he pops a couple of Tums.
DOUG (bugged): All right, fax the plans to me in the car...Okay, go.
He pushes a couple of buttons on his car fax and hears a beep.
DOUG: Hold on --I got another call. (he hits call-waiting) Hello?... Oh, hi, babe. How's it going (it's his wife, who he loves) I don't know when I'll be home. Why?... What's "bridging"?
The fax machine comes alive and starts spitting out shredded paper.
DOUG: Shit!...No, not that -- my fax is screwing up. Hold on a sec, okay? (back to the guy on hold) Eddie, you have to send it again. My fax machine just ate it... What brand? "piece of shit." It's an off-brand.
He angrily rips the shredded paper out of the fax and spills his coffee on his lap.
DOUG: Goddamn it!...What?! No, not you. I just spilled my coffee. Hold on... (back to his wife, mopping up coffee from between his legs) I'm sorry, babe. This is like a bad dream. What's this "bridging" thing?...Oh yeah, Jennifer -- Daisies to Brownies. Right, I remember. (he doesn't) Six-thirty -- I'm writing it down -- (he isn't) Okay, I love you, too. See you later.
The fax machine makes a terrible grinding noise and starts shredding more paper. Doug slams his fist down on it."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I thought the juggling in a confined space was very clever because the juggling is not just a metaphor, but literal (car fax, phone, coffee).
Multiplicity (1996)(rev by Harold Ramis, 5/10/95)
by Chris Miller & Mary Hale and Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Monday, August 5, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Forget Paris (1995) - What is Voice?
[Quick Summary: The up-and-down love story of how Mickey and Ellen met, fell in love and separated, as told from the POV of their friends.]
What is "voice"? For me, it is when I read a script and I know it is ___ writer. There's a tempo, a style, a way of telling the story.
How do you get a distinctive voice? I have no clue still.
I suspect it is one of those things that is partly unconscious and partly from having rewritten many scripts so that it sounds like YOU and YOUR RHYTHMS.
Ganz and Mandel have a definite voice. There is a certain tempo. They probably cram more jokes than you can into a few lines. Scenes end with a flourish. There is always a wry sense of the ridiculous in the face of disaster.
In the example below:
- The airline has lost Mickey's father's coffin. Mickey does not speak French.
- His friend Andy (V.O.) is telling Mickey's story to Liz.
- Notice how the frustrating last scene ends on a funny note.
ex. "INT. STOREROOM
Mickey is being shown around. An official is pointing hopefully to various items.
MICKEY: No! No! He wasn't a bicycle! We didn't sit on him and go for a ride. No! Not a birdcage!
CUT TO:
INT. STOREROOM
SHOTS of Mickey talking to one official after another. He can't communicate well with any of them and none of them seem very concerned about his problem.
ANDY (V.O.): Mickey's going out of his mind. But he's trying not to go off on anyone. You know, he doesn't want to be the ugly American.
INT. STOREROOM
Mickey is with another official, who speaks rapid French and coolly tosses Mickey's paperwork back to him and shrugs, unconcerned. By this time, Mickey is disheveled and tired.
MICKEY: Please - look - I know you people are still angry over Euro Disney, but, please, don't take it out on me. I'm on your side. I even said, "the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, the Country Bea Jamboree, it's not a good mix."
The official is ignoring him.
MICKEY (CONT): Whatever you do, I'm not gonna lose my temper.
ANDY (V.O.): But finally...
INT. STOREROOM
Mickey with another insolent OFFICIAL.
MICKEY: If I was Hitler you'd give me my father. You'd give me everything in your whole goddam country. (screams) Where is my father?! Ou est mon pere?! If you don't find him, I'm gonna bury you instead!
ANDY (V.O.): Two days!
LIZ (V.O.): Two days?
ANDY (V.O.) He was in that airport two days! But the airline was nice. They gave him triple advantage miles and free almonds."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Your voice distinguishes you from everyone else.
I finally begin to grasp that it's a combination of things, especially how you tell the story: tempo, POV, etc.
Forget Paris (1995)(1st draft, 6/24/94)
by Billy Crystal & Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
What is "voice"? For me, it is when I read a script and I know it is ___ writer. There's a tempo, a style, a way of telling the story.
How do you get a distinctive voice? I have no clue still.
I suspect it is one of those things that is partly unconscious and partly from having rewritten many scripts so that it sounds like YOU and YOUR RHYTHMS.
Ganz and Mandel have a definite voice. There is a certain tempo. They probably cram more jokes than you can into a few lines. Scenes end with a flourish. There is always a wry sense of the ridiculous in the face of disaster.
In the example below:
- The airline has lost Mickey's father's coffin. Mickey does not speak French.
- His friend Andy (V.O.) is telling Mickey's story to Liz.
- Notice how the frustrating last scene ends on a funny note.
ex. "INT. STOREROOM
Mickey is being shown around. An official is pointing hopefully to various items.
MICKEY: No! No! He wasn't a bicycle! We didn't sit on him and go for a ride. No! Not a birdcage!
CUT TO:
INT. STOREROOM
SHOTS of Mickey talking to one official after another. He can't communicate well with any of them and none of them seem very concerned about his problem.
ANDY (V.O.): Mickey's going out of his mind. But he's trying not to go off on anyone. You know, he doesn't want to be the ugly American.
INT. STOREROOM
Mickey is with another official, who speaks rapid French and coolly tosses Mickey's paperwork back to him and shrugs, unconcerned. By this time, Mickey is disheveled and tired.
MICKEY: Please - look - I know you people are still angry over Euro Disney, but, please, don't take it out on me. I'm on your side. I even said, "the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, the Country Bea Jamboree, it's not a good mix."
The official is ignoring him.
MICKEY (CONT): Whatever you do, I'm not gonna lose my temper.
ANDY (V.O.): But finally...
INT. STOREROOM
Mickey with another insolent OFFICIAL.
MICKEY: If I was Hitler you'd give me my father. You'd give me everything in your whole goddam country. (screams) Where is my father?! Ou est mon pere?! If you don't find him, I'm gonna bury you instead!
ANDY (V.O.): Two days!
LIZ (V.O.): Two days?
ANDY (V.O.) He was in that airport two days! But the airline was nice. They gave him triple advantage miles and free almonds."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Your voice distinguishes you from everyone else.
I finally begin to grasp that it's a combination of things, especially how you tell the story: tempo, POV, etc.
Forget Paris (1995)(1st draft, 6/24/94)
by Billy Crystal & Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
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