[Quick Summary: When two wanna be songwriters get a gig in Ishtar, they stumble into a conspiracy, and become unwitting targets of the C.I.A. and locals.]
TWO THOUGHTS:
a) Funny or Not? I admire Elaine May, so I really wanted this script to be funny.
My conclusion: There were many comic moments, but I did not laugh much.
b) Point of No Return (PNR) = A turning point, or fork in the road, in which a character makes a decision and cannot go back to his previous life.
So WHY would a character venture into the unknown vs. safety?
In this script, I particularly like how May lays out WHY the protagonists decide to go to Morocco:
- Chuck and Lyle must decide whether to take the cheap paying gig in Morocco. [Need to make a decision.]
- In flashback, they relive how they met and what solidified their friendship. [Their belief in each other, they have what it takes.]
- Back to the present, they decide to go to Morocco. [PNR: We'll take the gig.]
The scene below is the flashback. Chuck has threatened to jump off the apartment ledge because he does not think he has talent or a future in songwriting:
ex. "EXT. THE CROWD BELOW
As Lyle's figure comes out on the ledge, the crowd gasps.
ANGLE - CHUCK
He stands pressed against the building, staring straight ahead as Lyle slowly makes his way toward him.
LYLE (calling): Hold on! Hold on, Hawk, I'm coming.
CHUCK: Don't come any closer. And don't call me Hawk.
Far below Two Firemen begin spreading a net.
CHUCK (closing his eyes): I told you not to tell anyone.
LYLE (as he moves steadily closer): I know you did. But I was afraid I wouldn't get here in time. Don't be mad at me, Chuck.
A VOICE CALLS (from the window): Chuck! This is Rabbi Peirce...
CHUCK: Oh, my God! Rabbi Peirce is here!
Lyle reaches Chuck. The two men stand spread-eagled against the building.
LYLE: Gimme your hand, Chuck. (Chuck does not move) Come on. I know how bad you feel, but there are people in the world worse off than you. Poor people, sick people... (after a moment) People who don't have anyone to go out on a ledge for them.
There is a long pause, then Chuck reaches slowly over and takes Lyle's hand. Together, hand in hand, they start toward the window, two small figures, 15 floors above the ground.
CHUCK: Lyle? (a stone falls out of the facing) Are you disappointed in me? I mean, now that you know I'm not the kind of guy you thought I was.
LYLE: You are the kind of guy I thought you were, Chuck. (he kicks gently at a pigeon)
CHUCK: No, I'm not. I lived with my parents until I was 32. I've dribbled my life away...
LYLE: Hey, it takes a lot of nerve not to have anything at your age. Most guys would be ashamed. but you've got the guts to say fuck it...because you'd rather have nothing than settle for less.
CHUCK (after a moment): I never looked at it that way. (he steps over the pigeon) Maybe...maybe I am the kind of guy you thought I was.
The scene wavers and returns to the present."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The script must lay out a character's motives and desires before the PNR.
Here, the flashback shows how Chuck and Lyle fought to become songwriters (motive, desire) --> Of course they would take a cheap paying gig.
Otherwise Lyle would have to return to selling ice cream and pretzels.
Ishtar (1987)(blue draft, 10/11/87)
by Elaine May
Monday, November 26, 2018
Monday, November 19, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: Laura (1944) - Building Tension & Suspense Through Characters' Actions
[Quick Summary: A detective falls in love with the murder victim that he's investigating.]
THREE RANDOM THOUGHTS:
1) Wow, what a great read! Fast, suspenseful, twists, and a surprise ending.
2) This is a first for me: This script has three V.O. narrators, who each speak for about 1/3 of the film, and it did not bug me.
3) I thought the writers did an excellent job of building tension and suspense, especially through the characters' actions. What does that look like?
Simply put, the characters did not act as I thought they would. Their behavior is inconsistent. Or they lie when I expect truth. Or they tell the truth and it's weak.
---> As a result, I found myself paying closer attention. What are they doing? Why?
---> This led to me feeling the tension rise. How will this resolve? I need to know!
Let's look at an example. In the scene below:
- Shelby was Laura's fiancee. He is too eager to spill the beans.
- Waldo was the guy she left for Shelby. He is suspicious of everyone.
- Mark is the detective. He is uncomfortable falling for a dead victim.
- The three men are now revisiting the scene of the crime, Laura's apartment. Shelby thinks he knows where Laura kept the key to her country house.
ex. "INT. BEDROOM - FULL SHOT
Shelby is at the bureau as Mark and Waldo enter. Mark sits down, leaning back on the bed, and takes the puzzle from his pocket. He concentrates on it. Shelby suddenly reacts and pulls out a key. [Why is the detective playing with a puzzle NOW?]
SHELBY: I knew I'd seen it around...Here it is...!
He tosses it on the bed beside Mark who pulls his notebook out of his pocket, glances at it, and goes righton with his puzzle. [This is an unexpected reaction. I would've pounced on the key.]
MARK: That's funny. I got a list of the things in that drawer. The key wasn't in there when the place was gone over... [This is a seasoned detective who is tough to impress.]
Shelby looks embarrassed. [He knows that he's been caught.]
WALDO: Then it's made a recent reappearance? [Waldo rubs it in.]
Mark doesn't look up. [No reaction = This is unexpected.]
MARK (quietly to Shelby): You put it in there, didn't you?
SHELBY: Well...I... didn't want to hand it to you while...Waldo was present.
WALDO: Why? I do not habitually collect old keys. [Clever retort.]
SHELBY (still to Mark): I didn't want him to know I had it. It doesn't concern him... [A confession that will spike Waldo's fury.]
FULL SHOT - ANOTHER ANGLE
Mark just leans back, balancing the puzzle, as Shelby and Waldo turn toward each other like fighting cocks. [Note how the writers use conflicting motives of Shelby vs.Waldo to ratchet up the tension first with words, then behavior.]
WALDO (complacently): Everything about Laura concerns me -- perhaps more than you. [Mild dismissal.]
SHELBY (cuttingly): really? But she happened to decide to marry me. [Stronger dismissal.]
WALDO (bristling): That may have been a fatal decision! [Accusation.]
SHELBY (with quiet anger): For your own good, Waldo, I'm warning you to stop implying that I had anything to do with Laura's death. [Warning shot.]
WALDO: All right, I'll stop implying. I'll make a direct statement. [He calls Shelby out.]
Shelby lunges grimly at Waldo, but Mark simply puts up his leg barring the way. [Words escalate into a physical act.]
MARK (to Waldo): Guys with glass jaws shouldn't lead with their beards, Mr. Lydecker.
MED. FULL SHOT - TOWARD MARK
Waldo glares at Mark, furious at his inattention.
WALDO (raging): Will you please stop fooling with that ridiculous puzzle!! [Frustration gushes out.]
MARK (calmly): No. It keeps me calm... (significantly) And sometimes it makes other people lose their tempers --and say things they wouldn't ordinarily say. [This is the climax of the scene. Now it all makes sense.]
Waldo controls himself. Mark now puts the puzzle away and starts getting up off the bed. He picks up the key and pockets it.
MARK: Maybe we better get going now."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When someone acts as I do not expect, it makes me more curious. ex. Mark was so casual about clues and deliberately did not rise to the bait.
Laura (1944)(final draft, 11/29/43, with revisions (12/21/43))
by Jay Dratler and Ring Lardner, Jr.*
Based on the novel by Vera Caspary
*On IMDB, the screenplay is credited to Jay Dratler and Samuel Hoffenstein and Betty Reinhardt. Ring Lardner, Jr., was uncredited, probably due to him being blacklisted during the HUAC era.
THREE RANDOM THOUGHTS:
1) Wow, what a great read! Fast, suspenseful, twists, and a surprise ending.
2) This is a first for me: This script has three V.O. narrators, who each speak for about 1/3 of the film, and it did not bug me.
3) I thought the writers did an excellent job of building tension and suspense, especially through the characters' actions. What does that look like?
Simply put, the characters did not act as I thought they would. Their behavior is inconsistent. Or they lie when I expect truth. Or they tell the truth and it's weak.
---> As a result, I found myself paying closer attention. What are they doing? Why?
---> This led to me feeling the tension rise. How will this resolve? I need to know!
Let's look at an example. In the scene below:
- Shelby was Laura's fiancee. He is too eager to spill the beans.
- Waldo was the guy she left for Shelby. He is suspicious of everyone.
- Mark is the detective. He is uncomfortable falling for a dead victim.
- The three men are now revisiting the scene of the crime, Laura's apartment. Shelby thinks he knows where Laura kept the key to her country house.
ex. "INT. BEDROOM - FULL SHOT
Shelby is at the bureau as Mark and Waldo enter. Mark sits down, leaning back on the bed, and takes the puzzle from his pocket. He concentrates on it. Shelby suddenly reacts and pulls out a key. [Why is the detective playing with a puzzle NOW?]
SHELBY: I knew I'd seen it around...Here it is...!
He tosses it on the bed beside Mark who pulls his notebook out of his pocket, glances at it, and goes righton with his puzzle. [This is an unexpected reaction. I would've pounced on the key.]
MARK: That's funny. I got a list of the things in that drawer. The key wasn't in there when the place was gone over... [This is a seasoned detective who is tough to impress.]
Shelby looks embarrassed. [He knows that he's been caught.]
WALDO: Then it's made a recent reappearance? [Waldo rubs it in.]
Mark doesn't look up. [No reaction = This is unexpected.]
MARK (quietly to Shelby): You put it in there, didn't you?
SHELBY: Well...I... didn't want to hand it to you while...Waldo was present.
WALDO: Why? I do not habitually collect old keys. [Clever retort.]
SHELBY (still to Mark): I didn't want him to know I had it. It doesn't concern him... [A confession that will spike Waldo's fury.]
FULL SHOT - ANOTHER ANGLE
Mark just leans back, balancing the puzzle, as Shelby and Waldo turn toward each other like fighting cocks. [Note how the writers use conflicting motives of Shelby vs.Waldo to ratchet up the tension first with words, then behavior.]
WALDO (complacently): Everything about Laura concerns me -- perhaps more than you. [Mild dismissal.]
SHELBY (cuttingly): really? But she happened to decide to marry me. [Stronger dismissal.]
WALDO (bristling): That may have been a fatal decision! [Accusation.]
SHELBY (with quiet anger): For your own good, Waldo, I'm warning you to stop implying that I had anything to do with Laura's death. [Warning shot.]
WALDO: All right, I'll stop implying. I'll make a direct statement. [He calls Shelby out.]
Shelby lunges grimly at Waldo, but Mark simply puts up his leg barring the way. [Words escalate into a physical act.]
MARK (to Waldo): Guys with glass jaws shouldn't lead with their beards, Mr. Lydecker.
MED. FULL SHOT - TOWARD MARK
Waldo glares at Mark, furious at his inattention.
WALDO (raging): Will you please stop fooling with that ridiculous puzzle!! [Frustration gushes out.]
MARK (calmly): No. It keeps me calm... (significantly) And sometimes it makes other people lose their tempers --and say things they wouldn't ordinarily say. [This is the climax of the scene. Now it all makes sense.]
Waldo controls himself. Mark now puts the puzzle away and starts getting up off the bed. He picks up the key and pockets it.
MARK: Maybe we better get going now."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When someone acts as I do not expect, it makes me more curious. ex. Mark was so casual about clues and deliberately did not rise to the bait.
Laura (1944)(final draft, 11/29/43, with revisions (12/21/43))
by Jay Dratler and Ring Lardner, Jr.*
Based on the novel by Vera Caspary
*On IMDB, the screenplay is credited to Jay Dratler and Samuel Hoffenstein and Betty Reinhardt. Ring Lardner, Jr., was uncredited, probably due to him being blacklisted during the HUAC era.
Monday, November 12, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: Young Frankenstein (1974) - A Lesson in Physical Gags & Page Length
[Quick Summary: In Transylvania, American Dr. Frederick Frankenstein attempts to follow his grandfather's notes on how to reanimate a body.]
I've noticed that I'm often too paranoid about script length.
This pressure results in heavy handed, lead filled writing. NOT enjoyable to read.
This script reminds me that comedy is a give and take, and needs to be free to spin, backtrack, meander, etc. Physical gags especially need plenty of room on the page.
The physical gag scene below is about 2 1/4 pgs.
Also, note that it is a big story point as well (Monster can be controlled by sedatives).
ex. "INT. LABORATORY
...Igor nervously takes out a cigarette from his pocket and strikes a match, and:
MONSTER: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! [A-ha! The Monster is afraid of fire!]
FREDDY (to the Monster): What is it? What's the matter??
The Monster grabs Freddy's throat.
FREDDY: Quick, give him the --
The Monster squeezes. Freddy can't make a sound. Monster relaxes his hands for a split second.
FREDDY: Quick, give him the --
The Monster tightens his hands, Freddy can't make a sound.
IGOR: WHAT? GIVE HIM THE WHAT?
Freddy points desperately to the Monster's arm. [The hijinks begin.]
IGOR: Arm! Give him the Arm!
Freddy shakes his head "no." He pushes his thumb against his two forefingers -- miming the giving of an injection. [To keep things clear, the writers let the reader in on the punchline. I liked that they kept the characters, but not the reader, guessing.]
IGOR: Give him a cigarette?!
Freddy shakes his head "no" and holds up three fingers. [I like these charades b/c they use visuals vs. language.]
IGOR: Three syllables!
Freddy nods "yes." He holds up one finger.
IGOR: First syllable.
Freddy cups his hand to his ear.
IGOR: Sounds like...
Freddy points to his head.
INGA: Head!
Freddy nods "yes."
INGA: Sounds like 'head.' Said??
Freddy nods "yes," jubilantly.
INGA AND IGOR: Said!
Freddy holds up two fingers.
INGA: Second syllable!
Freddy mimes "tiny" with his fingers.
INGA: Little word!
Freddy nods "yes."
INGA: The?
Freddy shakes his head "no."
IGOR: A?
Freddy touches his nose.
IGOR: 'On the nose.' Said -- a -- ...
INGA: Said -- a...
IGOR: DIRTY WORD! He said a dirty word!?
Freddy shakes his head "no" and cups his hand to his ear.
INGA AND IGOR: Sounds like...
Freddy mimes "give."
INGA: GIVE?
Freddy nods "yes" furiously.
IGOR: SAID -- A -- GIVE!?? Give him a 'said-a-give!'
Freddy shakes his head "no."
INGA: 'TIVE!' SEDATIVE!
Freddy weakly points to his nose.
IGOR: On the nosey.
Inga runs to the table and gets the hypodermic. Then runs back and jams it into the Monster's tush.
The Monster's eyes FREEZE. Then he looks at each of them... his hands still clutching Freddy's neck. Then he COLLAPSES like a giant tree."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I give myself permission to mute the "page length" radar. Form (page length) over function (funny on the page) is pressure that I don't need.
Young Frankenstein (1974)(4th draft, 2/7/74)
by Gene Wilder and Mel Brooks
I've noticed that I'm often too paranoid about script length.
This pressure results in heavy handed, lead filled writing. NOT enjoyable to read.
This script reminds me that comedy is a give and take, and needs to be free to spin, backtrack, meander, etc. Physical gags especially need plenty of room on the page.
The physical gag scene below is about 2 1/4 pgs.
Also, note that it is a big story point as well (Monster can be controlled by sedatives).
ex. "INT. LABORATORY
...Igor nervously takes out a cigarette from his pocket and strikes a match, and:
MONSTER: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! [A-ha! The Monster is afraid of fire!]
FREDDY (to the Monster): What is it? What's the matter??
The Monster grabs Freddy's throat.
FREDDY: Quick, give him the --
The Monster squeezes. Freddy can't make a sound. Monster relaxes his hands for a split second.
FREDDY: Quick, give him the --
The Monster tightens his hands, Freddy can't make a sound.
IGOR: WHAT? GIVE HIM THE WHAT?
Freddy points desperately to the Monster's arm. [The hijinks begin.]
IGOR: Arm! Give him the Arm!
Freddy shakes his head "no." He pushes his thumb against his two forefingers -- miming the giving of an injection. [To keep things clear, the writers let the reader in on the punchline. I liked that they kept the characters, but not the reader, guessing.]
IGOR: Give him a cigarette?!
Freddy shakes his head "no" and holds up three fingers. [I like these charades b/c they use visuals vs. language.]
IGOR: Three syllables!
Freddy nods "yes." He holds up one finger.
IGOR: First syllable.
Freddy cups his hand to his ear.
IGOR: Sounds like...
Freddy points to his head.
INGA: Head!
Freddy nods "yes."
INGA: Sounds like 'head.' Said??
Freddy nods "yes," jubilantly.
INGA AND IGOR: Said!
Freddy holds up two fingers.
INGA: Second syllable!
Freddy mimes "tiny" with his fingers.
INGA: Little word!
Freddy nods "yes."
INGA: The?
Freddy shakes his head "no."
IGOR: A?
Freddy touches his nose.
IGOR: 'On the nose.' Said -- a -- ...
INGA: Said -- a...
IGOR: DIRTY WORD! He said a dirty word!?
Freddy shakes his head "no" and cups his hand to his ear.
INGA AND IGOR: Sounds like...
Freddy mimes "give."
INGA: GIVE?
Freddy nods "yes" furiously.
IGOR: SAID -- A -- GIVE!?? Give him a 'said-a-give!'
Freddy shakes his head "no."
INGA: 'TIVE!' SEDATIVE!
Freddy weakly points to his nose.
IGOR: On the nosey.
Inga runs to the table and gets the hypodermic. Then runs back and jams it into the Monster's tush.
The Monster's eyes FREEZE. Then he looks at each of them... his hands still clutching Freddy's neck. Then he COLLAPSES like a giant tree."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I give myself permission to mute the "page length" radar. Form (page length) over function (funny on the page) is pressure that I don't need.
Young Frankenstein (1974)(4th draft, 2/7/74)
by Gene Wilder and Mel Brooks
Monday, November 5, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: The Big Red One (1980) - The Added Value of First Hand Experience
[Quick Summary: A sergeant of the 1st squad and his four men struggle to survive ground battle in WWII.]
I didn't particularly like this script, as it has all the things I dislike: It is episodic, has no overall story, has short bursts of peace, then friendly fire, etc.
It's closer to real life, more an anthology than a narrative film.
However, I think all this is intentional and I admire the attempt.
Writer and director Samuel Fuller was a soldier in WWII and wanted to portray it as it really is - episodic, no overall story, etc., without the typical Hollywood gloss.
I thought Fuller's first hand experience was particularly evident in how real the characters seemed to act and react to the chaos of war.
In the scene below:
- Sergeant and his men have killed the Germans who plowed their tank into a Sicilian's home.
- Vinci realizes it is his grandmother's home and thinks she is under the tank.
- The 'war souvenir' detail could only be told by someone who had been there.
ex. "TANK IN HOME
...VINCI (screaming): Nonna! Nonna! Nonna!
He dashes between tank and wall of house, kicking aside smashed furniture, throwing things that are in his path, searching for his grandmother. Crying and screaming like a madman, he collapses against the tank and his body jerks with sobs as the horror of what happened smashes him in the gut.
VINCI: Nonna!...Nonna!
His body jerks with sobs.
AN OLD LADY'S VOICE (in Italian - gentle): Are you American?
The Lieutenant, Sergeant and Griffith turn.
AN OLD ITALIAN LADY
Tiny, white-haired protruding from under black shawl, in typical black peasant dress, black shoes, advances apologetically. She looks like a saint. She continues in Italian.
OLD LADY: I have come for my crucifix, please.
She moves past them as CAMERA ANGLES TO Vinci on floor sobbing against the tank. She timidly approaches him, sees the crucifix in his hand - and then the photograph.
OLD LADY (kindly): I know soldiers like war souvenirs but please do not take that photograph.
She edges closer, starts to pull photo from his hand. He jerks it away, lifts his tear-splashed anguished face.
OLD LADY: Please, it is my photograph.
VINCI (in Italian): Your photograph?
OLD LADY: Ah, you speak Italian! It is of my son and his wife. They live in America. Why are you weeping, my son?
It is too much for him. He pulls her down, burying his head against her and his body shakes.
VINCI (sobbing): Nonna! Nonna! I am Antonio Vinci!
She breaks into cold sweat, crosses herself and begins to sob as she covers her grandson with kisses."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I'm not sure anyone else could have written and made this film. It has a rawness of authenticity. Anyone else would be only approximating.
The Big Red One (1980)(3/20/58 draft)
by Samuel Fuller
I didn't particularly like this script, as it has all the things I dislike: It is episodic, has no overall story, has short bursts of peace, then friendly fire, etc.
It's closer to real life, more an anthology than a narrative film.
However, I think all this is intentional and I admire the attempt.
Writer and director Samuel Fuller was a soldier in WWII and wanted to portray it as it really is - episodic, no overall story, etc., without the typical Hollywood gloss.
I thought Fuller's first hand experience was particularly evident in how real the characters seemed to act and react to the chaos of war.
In the scene below:
- Sergeant and his men have killed the Germans who plowed their tank into a Sicilian's home.
- Vinci realizes it is his grandmother's home and thinks she is under the tank.
- The 'war souvenir' detail could only be told by someone who had been there.
ex. "TANK IN HOME
...VINCI (screaming): Nonna! Nonna! Nonna!
He dashes between tank and wall of house, kicking aside smashed furniture, throwing things that are in his path, searching for his grandmother. Crying and screaming like a madman, he collapses against the tank and his body jerks with sobs as the horror of what happened smashes him in the gut.
VINCI: Nonna!...Nonna!
His body jerks with sobs.
AN OLD LADY'S VOICE (in Italian - gentle): Are you American?
The Lieutenant, Sergeant and Griffith turn.
AN OLD ITALIAN LADY
Tiny, white-haired protruding from under black shawl, in typical black peasant dress, black shoes, advances apologetically. She looks like a saint. She continues in Italian.
OLD LADY: I have come for my crucifix, please.
She moves past them as CAMERA ANGLES TO Vinci on floor sobbing against the tank. She timidly approaches him, sees the crucifix in his hand - and then the photograph.
OLD LADY (kindly): I know soldiers like war souvenirs but please do not take that photograph.
She edges closer, starts to pull photo from his hand. He jerks it away, lifts his tear-splashed anguished face.
OLD LADY: Please, it is my photograph.
VINCI (in Italian): Your photograph?
OLD LADY: Ah, you speak Italian! It is of my son and his wife. They live in America. Why are you weeping, my son?
It is too much for him. He pulls her down, burying his head against her and his body shakes.
VINCI (sobbing): Nonna! Nonna! I am Antonio Vinci!
She breaks into cold sweat, crosses herself and begins to sob as she covers her grandson with kisses."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I'm not sure anyone else could have written and made this film. It has a rawness of authenticity. Anyone else would be only approximating.
The Big Red One (1980)(3/20/58 draft)
by Samuel Fuller
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