TODAY'S NUGGET: The Defiant Ones (1958) - How Does an Oscar Winning Script Build Up to an Unexpected Turn/Twist?

[Quick Summary: Two chained prisoners, one black, one white, escape and have to work together to get to freedom.]

How does one craft an unexpected turn in a script?

In this Oscar winning script,* I noticed that the turns were built on a hope-fear-hope-fear rhythm.

For example, in the scene below: 
- Two prisoners, Cullen and Jackson, are shackled together and have been on the run for days. 
- Cullen is white. Jackson is black.
- They come across a single woman and her son.
- They hold the woman at gun point and send the son to fetch a chisel and hammer.
- The scene begins in fear: These men have been through a lot in prison, don't like each other, and are chained together.
- The scene turns hopeful: They final get the shackles off.
- Fear strikes again out of nowhere: They've been so afraid of their pursuers (external), the last thing they thought would trip them up is their bodies (internal). 

INT. CABIN -- FULL SHOT

...Jackson lays his wrist on the stone and holds the chisel over the cuff. Three ringing blows and the iron falls off his wrist.

CULLEN: Now me.

They exchange instruments. Jackson aims carefully. One smash and the iron separates. Jackson looks at Cullen and grins sickly. Cullen reaches for the gun. Both men measure each other. 

CULLEN (licks his lips): We cut loose now.

Jackson's grin fades. His eye hood. Without warning, he drops the hammer, staggers Cullen catches him and carries him to the  bed..  

 WOMAN: What's the matter with him?

CULLEN: He's sick. Got poison in his system. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The fear-hope-fear-hope rhythm is a good tool to keep the story going. The suspense can hide an unexpected upcoming turn/twist. 

The Defiant Ones (1958) 
by  Nathan E. Douglas and Harold Jacob Smith
Based upon the story, "The Long Road," by Douglas and Smith

*FYI: This film was nominated in 9 times, including the first nomination for an African American actor for Sydney Poitier.

TODAY'S NUGGET: State of Play (2009) - Multiple Causes of Urgency Within a Scene

[Quick Summary: A journalist (whose college friend is now a current Congressman) investigates the suspicious death of the Congressman's mistress.]

Continual threats to life and limb gets exhausting after awhile in thrillers. 

Thus, I was interested to see what else today's script would do differently. It's not a perfect script,* but I liked that there was creative use of urgency.

For example, the scene below has layers.  It's not just about Cal escaping the elevator, but that he's found the killer and needs to let someone know.

Just prior to this scene:
- Cal has a photo of the killer, Bingham, and traces it back to the latter's apartment.
- Cal recognizes Bingham at the door and they briefly exchange pleasantries. 
- Cal backs off and gets in the elevator.
- Also note: This is a turning point scene that occurs on p. 79 of 125, not earlier at the midpoint, nor later at the climax.

INT. COMPLEX ELEVATOR -- NIGHT

CAL with the phone. Doors closing and...Signal loss. 

CAL: Shit!

CAL descending. 5...4...3...  Chunk.

It has stopped. Everything suddenly black. then, a moment later, an emergency light powers on. But the car isn't moving.

CAL trapped. Coincidence? Can't be. Fuck...

Pulling his phone -- saving it around the car -- searching for a signal -- there, up by the ceiling, a flicker.

CAL (PHONE)(CONT'D): Jimmy. Cal McAffrey...just tell Bell I've found the killer. Five-sixty-six, Jasper Avenue. Five-six-six Jasper! I need cops. I need cops here immediately!

CAL perched on the railing -- wedged near the ceiling -- bent like a contortionist to hang with the signal and --

THE ELEVATOR jolts! -- power on -- CAL falling hard to the floor -- barely catching his breath as the elevator drops a few feet before stopping suddenly and -- 

THE DOORS OPEN TO

INT. COMPLEX LOBBY -- DAY

An empty lobby. CAL steps out cautiously. Did Bingham take the stairs? 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked that this wasn't the run-of-the-mill "I must escape" type of urgency.  There's a different purpose and consequences if Cal fails. 

State of Play (2009)(11/1/07 draft with revisions)
by Matthew Michael Carnahan
Revisions by Tony Gilroy, Peter Morgan, Billy Ray
Based on the BBC miniseries created by Paul Abbott

* I was confused by the ending on the page. I think it was trying to connect a lot of dots in a short period of time.  I note that this film was an adaptation of a BBC tv mini-series that ran 6 episodes, so perhaps it was trying to condense too much into a 2 hr. film?

TODAY'S NUGGET: Duplicity (2009) - Why Do I Believe the Chemistry (& Fireworks) Between These Characters?

[Quick Summary: Two industrial spies, who are in a secret love affair, are on opposite sides of a case.]

Tony Gilroy writes scripts that actors want to play. 

Why? One reason is because the chemistry between characters has real conflict and interesting dynamics.  I want to see how these fireworks resolve.  

For example, in the scene below: 
- Ray is being followed.
- His work buddy, Dale, is watching his back. They're on the phone together, trying to figure out  who is following Ray.
- In Grand Central Station, Ray recognizes Claire. He follows her into a store.
- Notice how FAST the writer gets us into the action. Ray blows by the usual "hi how are you" --> straight into his beef with Claire. 
- The audience sees Ray's behavior and realizes (without being told) that Ray and Claire know each other. Only someone familiar would bypass the usual greetings.
- Also: the suspense draws me in (WHY is he so mad?).
- Also: the provocative, snappy dialogue keeps me reading ("You charm me. Seduce me. Screw me.")

INT. SAKS FIFTH AVENUE -- DAY

... CLAIRE blinks. But she's a big girl. It's a public place...

CLAIRE: Look, seriously, I don't know you think I am, but wh-

RAY: You charm me. Seduce me. Screw me. Then you dope me and ransack my hotel room. (he still can't believe it) And how sick is this? Last thing I remember before I passed out whs how much I liked you.

CLAIRE: I'm sorry...I just...you don't look crazy, which is the only reason I'm not screaming for a security guard, but --

RAY: I can't believe you're going this way. 

CLAIRE: Is this...(glancing around) ...it's a joke, right?

RAY: You have any idea how far my ass was hanging out because of you?

CLAIRE: Is this? Are you selling something? What are you selling?

RAY: I got up the next morning, went back to the consulate and practically crawled over glass to get a copy of the guest list. Then I spent the next twenty-four hours trying to figure out if you were working for MOSSAD, the Syrians, or the Russians.

CLAIRE: Really...(maybe he is crazy) And who was it?

RAY: Still working for the C.I.A.? (like he nailed her) We're supposed to be on the same side, Theresa. Which was a lousy cover name for you, by the way -- you're not a THeresa. 

CLAIRE: What the hell are you talking about?

RAY: American Consulate. Dubai. You and me. Fourth of July, 2003.

CLAIRE: You are crazy (Does this ever work?)

RAY: We were drinking red, white and blue Margaritas. I had a knee brace. You had a toe ring -- first toe ring I ever saw, by the way.

CLAIRE: If you follow me, I'll scream.

And she's walking -- fast -- back the way she came -- back into the Perfume Jungle, and he's right on her ass --

...RAY: Come on... you don't want security any more than I do.

CLAIRE: You're right, I want the cops.

RAY: They're gonna want your name.

CLAIRE: Leave me alone! (wheeling on him and --)

HER PURSE -- the strap catching his arm -- tearing -- THE BAG SPILLING OPEN TO THE FLOOR and --

CLAIRE: -- look -- look what you did! --

CLAIRE dropping -- grabbing at the stuff that's spilled --

CLAIRE: --get away -- just -- you hear me? --

RAY: Oh no...

And the way he said it -- the way he looks -- something fundamental has shifted here suddenly --

RAY: You?

There -- at his feet -- her keys -- a KEYCHAIN -- a little Rubik's cube (Eight ball? Troll?) keychain and --

RAY: You? You're the drop...(pulling an identical keychain from his pocket --) I'm ...

CLAIRE: You? You're the meet? (yup) No... 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I believed the chemistry because they're both continuing to engage in the fight, trying to get what they want, even though something isn't adding up. Ray wants answers and Claire wants to avoid him. 

Duplicity (2009)(undated)
by Tony Gilroy

2026 OSCARS: Frankenstein (2025) - Guillermo del Toro Explains the Elements of Horror (Plus an Example)

[Quick Summary: Victor Frankenstein creates a monster that becomes his undoing.]

PRO: This is the film that Guillermo del Toro has wanted to make for decades.

CON: This script is too long.

PRO: The film has garnered 9 Oscar nominations.  

CON: Its budget from Netflix was a whopping $120M, with only $144,496 gross (one territory). However, grosses don't seem important to this streamer. 

PRO: I tend to avoid horror, but was intrigued by Guiellermo del Toro's explanation of the genre:

"The essence of horror - the two, and only two, things that create horror: something that is there and should not [be], or something that should not be there and is there." 

An example of one of these elements is in the scene below:
- Dr. Frankenstein has created the Creature. 
- Frankenstein fell for brother's fiancee, Elizabeth, who was kind to Creature.
- Frankenstein is enraged that she'd choose Creature over him.
- The Creature fights with Frankenstein, then releases him. 
- Frankenstein hunts the Creature into the North Pole.
- Note that the Creature takes up the dynamite voluntarily.  We expect him to die, but when he does not, it's horrifying ("something that should not be there and is there").

EXT. INT ESPLANADE - NIGHT

... The Creature sinks the Knife into Victor's SHOULDER - THUNK!

The Creature fetches the dynamite. Victor pulls the knife out - bleeding.

CREATURE (CONT'D): You - put your faith in this? This?! (beat) But if it does not, I will come for you - again! And make you regret it. (Beat) Light it... Light it!!!

Victor obeys. Trembling and covered in blood.

The Creature embraces the dynamite as if it was a baby - a prize - a cherished possession: tight upon his chest. 

Victor crawls away and then gets up - limps away. Arm dislocated and bleeding, artificial limb almost entirely loose.

 The Creature is engulfed by the EXPLOSION. A CRATER forms.

But - when the smoke clears: The Creature rises again: ONE EYE SOCKET is empty - His chest, jagged with wounds- 

One of his hands with EXPOSED knuckles points at Victor: 

CREATURE (CONT'D): Now- run- 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  Though I don't really like horror, I found del Toro's explanation helpful in writing suspense, i.e., when something isn't as we expect, it's frightening.

Frankenstein (2025)(Sept. 2024, final shooting script)
by Guillermo del Toro
Based on the novel by Mary Shelley 

2026 OSCARS: Sinners (2025) - How to Explain Vampire Rules Without Explaining Them ("Show, Not Tell" in Reactions)

[Quick Summary: Troubled twins set up a juke joint in the South, but vampires stand in the way of its success.]

In this well written script, I particularly enjoyed how the writer built suspense with an uneasy feeling that something is wrong.

For example, in the scene below:
- Smoke and Stack are twins who have come back to the South, after fleeing Chicago. 
- They have decided to set up a juke joint and charge cover fees.
- They hire Annie to cook for the joint.
- Annie is a practitioner of the occult, and was once an item with Smoke.
- One of their employees, Cornbread, has been missing for awhile and returns. 
- Notice how the scene starts out with an argument and Cornbread's offer to help.
- Though viewers may not know the vampire rule (you have to be asked to enter a building), they sense that Annie is uneasy about something. 
- She does not say out loud what she suspects, but challenges Cornbread to act. 
- I thought it was clever how Cornbread avoids the question and throw the focus back on Annie.
- Also, it's unusual to create a reveal of this vampire rule without telling it, but showing in the reactions and other dialogue unrelated to what is being revealed.

 

INT. ENTRY HALLWAY - JUKE JOINT - LUMBER MILL - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

 ...Cornbread finally notices Smoke is covered in blood.

CORNBREAD: Goddamn Smoke...what happened to you?

SMOKE: What happened to me? Stack is dead. What the fuck happened to you? You was supposed to be watching the place. Not taking a hour long piss.

CORNBREAD: I'm sorry. Well let me come in and help.

Annie clocks this. [Annie is the first to have suspicions.]

She extends her hands to Smoke to stop him.

Smoke looks back at Annie confused. Delta Slim as well.

They stare at Cornbread, who stares back at them with an almost comically confused expression. 

CORNBREAD: What ya'll doing?

The three continue to stare without budging.

CORNBREAD (CONT'D): Smoke. Just step aside and let me on in. [He needs an invitation.]

ANNIE: Why you need him to do that? You big and strong enough to push past us. [Annie confronts him with a question that requires him to act first. This is, in essence, "showing, not telling" about the vampire rules, which the audience may or may not know about. ]

CORNBREAD: Because that wouldn't be very polite of me now, would it? I don't know why I'm even talking to you. Probably your fish sandwich that made me so sick. Using that old stale grease. [Cornbread knows she is suspicious, so he tries to distract her.] 

ANNIE: I ain't never used stale grease and you know it.  [His accusation puts her on the defensive about her food.]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: One way to "show and not tell" the vampire rules is to require the vampire to violate the rule, i.e., to act.

"Show, not tell" usually means visuals and not dialogue.  The example above was a rare instance of using other dialogue and reactions, rather than what I expected, i.e., visuals alone.

Sinners (2025)(undated draft)
by Ryan Coogler /

2026 OSCARS: It Was Just an Accident (2025) - One Example of Economically Dropping Thriller Clues (Show Not Tell)

[Quick Summary: When formerly tortured prisoners catch the guard who tortured them, the group is uncertain if it's the same man and fights within itself.]

How can this thriller be so full of suspense at only 63 pgs. in length!?

One key was how carefully the writer chose his clues.  They had to be clear, but result in questions that would make the reader want to turn the page. 

For example, in the scene below:
- A man's car breaks down with his pregnant wife and daughter Niloufar inside.
- They come to a random repair shop.
- Vahid is the mechanic.
- Note that the first clue is an AUDIBLE one.
- Also note that it is Vahid's reaction that makes the audience realize something is wrong. 
- Thus the audience begins to realize danger is afoot without being told (show not tell).

 I./E. CAR ON COUNTRY ROAD - NIGHT

...Vahid hangs up and lights a cigarette.
In the meantime, the woman comes out of the bathroom.
Vahid looks at her through the gap in the door. The woman sits down, apparently overcome by stomach pains. Niloufar helps her.
We hear the workshop door open. Vahid goes to the far end of the room but the sound of the man's artificial leg on the concrete floor makes him freeze, as if this unusual noise seemed familiar. He pricks up his ears. Vahid tries to spot the man, but he can't. He discreetly steps over to the door again.

He sees the man come into the workshop, then go over to his wife and daughter. Vahid looks devastated. He quickly steps back and presses against the cupboard so as not to be seen. he takes a deep breath and tries to pull himself together. All of a sudden, the man calls out to him. 

MAN: Vahid...Vahind...

Vahid doesn't reply. 

MAN: Mister Vahid...

Vahid is cornered. He coughs and then answers, but without showing himself. He alters his voice to reply.

VAHID: Yes?!

MAN: Mister Omid needs the old toolbox.

Vahid heaves a sign of relief.

VAHID: It's next to the big machine! 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The choice of an auditory clue here was brilliant because:
- It is suspenseful because it has meaning that the audience doesn't know yet (as we learn from Vahid's reactions).
- It made me wonder what the characters knew, thus I wanted to turn the page.
- It is showing, but not telling the story.

It Was Just an Accident (2025)
by  Jafar Panahi

TODAY'S NUGGET: Wait Until Dark (1967) - Four Excellent Elements of a Thriller + Good "NOTEs"

[Quick Summary: After her husband misplaces a drug-stuffed doll that he accepted from a fellow passenger, three cons attempt to get his blind wife to disclose where the doll is hidden.]

TWO THOUGHTS: 

1) FOUR EXCELLENT ELEMENTS OF THIS THRILLER ADAPTATION:

 - The TONE is fun. 
- The ATMOSPHERE is suspenseful, ex. we're worried about the 3 cons finding the neighbor kid who's helping the protagonist.
- The STRONG THROUGH LINE is easy to explain, i.e.,  a blind woman confronts three cons.
- The MOOD is uplifting, then turns dark, which is great for visual drama.

2) THE WRITERS INCLUDED HELPFUL "NOTEs".

A "NOTE:" to the reader is generally an aside or a helpful tip. They're generally frowned upon because they're distract from the narrative and/or are poorly written.

So when is a "NOTE" helpful? 

One good use is in the explanation of overall conventions in the script. This saves on the need to repeat explanations and avoid confusion. 

In this script, for example, the writers used "NOTEs" to explain: 

a) How phone conversations would be filmed. 

NOTE: The telephone convention used here is as follows: When someone is speaking on the phone in CLOSEUP, with the receiver big in SHOT, we can hear what he hears (i.e., the other voice ON FILTER); when anyone is speaking on the phone in the b.g. of a LONG SHOT, we can only hear what someone else as distant as the CAMERA could hear (i.e., a one-sided conversation). This convention is observed throughout the film. 

b) How the three cons would have multiple roles. They're pretending to be several people, in order to confuse the blind protagonist.

[NOTE: Mike and Carlino have played these parts, or parts very like them, before and they are superb at it. In fact, the one thing that holds all three men together - Rost, Carlino and Mike - is that all of them, to their own degree and in their own way, are most at their ease when playing  a part. In Rost's case, the characters he selects are much more dangerous, much harder to pull off. But Mike and Carlino (within the area they select) are perfect. And there is never one moment when any of the three fall out of character. All three derive some personal pleasure from their performances.)

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: My favorite element was the clarity of the through line. 

Also, one good purpose for a "NOTE" is to avoid confusion for the reader (vs. a bad purpose, such as for the writer to micro-manage the production).

Wait Until Dark (1967)(11/25/66 draft)
by  Robert and Jane-Howard Carrington
From the play by Frederick Knott

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Locked Room (unproduced) - Why This Creepy, Haunted, Twisty, Pull-of-the-Past Psychological Thriller is Smashingly Great

[Quick Summary: George, the executor of his childhood best friend Fanshawe's literary estate, gets Fanshawe's work published, but isn't prepare for the success or the haunting that follows.]

First, this adaptation* is a complex psychological thriller that's creepy, bewildering, and mesmerizing, but most of all, inventive.  I couldn't put it down. **

Second, I was impressed that this script feels like reading great literature, yet I never got lost or bogged down. ***

Here's the short version of the story:

- George and Fanshawe were childhood friends. 
- Fanshawe was cooler than everyone and George admired him. 
- They both wanted to be writers, but didn't, then lost touch after college.
- Twenty years later, George is working at a Big & Tall shop, writing in his free time.
- One day, George opens the door to a letter from Fanshawe's widow.
- Fanshawe wanted George to sort through his scribblings in a locked room and get them published if they were good. They were fantastic.
- Soon George is very busy handling offers, falling in love with his widow and child, appearing on tv promoting Fanshawe's writing. 
- This is a nightmare for a good guy and aspiring writer like George.
- George is simultaneously haunted by his past envies of Fanshawe, the present sticky situation, or his hope for a future with Fanshawe's widow.

It's complicated, right? So why didn't I get lost?? I think it's because the writer understood the key role that subtext plays in psychological thrillers. 

He structured the scenes so that we question George's mental judgment, i.e., whether he's reacting to the past/present/future, and returns to it regularly.

For example, in the scene below: 
- Stuart, an editor and acquaintance, is entranced by Fanshawe's work. 
- Stuart wants to publish. George agrees.
- Fanshawe died in fiery car accident. 
- Two of the great mysteries of the story is WHY did Fanshawe leave all the responsibility to George, and what about George's hopes?
- Note that writer uses Stuart's questions to poke into the past, present, and future.
- Note how we circle back to an unspoken fear (George will not get published) and ends with a "ouch!" to his ego. 
- Also note the SPEED of the emotional pacing. It's a roller coaster ride that circles back to the competition between George and Fanshawe.

INT. GEORGE'S APARTMENT - EVENING

 ...STUART: Pity.

GEORGE: Yeah.

STUART: I mean, that he isn't around. I'd love to be able to work with him. A few little nips and tucks -- you know.

GEORGE: That's just editor's pride. You can't look at a manuscript without wanting to take a red pencil to it. I'm sure he wouldn't change a word.

STUART: Hmm, you may be right. But don't take it to heart -- we can't all be prodigies

Suddenly, Stuart looks slyly at George.

STUART: Where is he?

GEORGE: Why d'you mean?

STUART: Is he shy, your boy? Is it some Pynchon thing we've got here? You're not just fronting for him, are ya?

GEORGE: Listen, if he was still around, believe me, I'd tell him to do his own dirty work.

Stuart just smiles. Does he really think George is toying with him? Or is he toying with George?

STUART: How's it feel?

George raises his eyebrows questioningly.

STUART: Discovering a new American master.

Stuart is needling him. George refuses to rise to the bait. 

GEORGE: When do you think you'll have an answer.

STUART: Oh, I already have: we're publishing it. (at the door) Chin up. Might not be as bad as you think. 

GEORGE: What?

STUART: Reflected glory.

Stuart leaves. George pondering. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Those two words ("reflected glory") made me realize the power of subtext in this script.  

It's so much more layered and powerful than "you're not good enough" and speaks to how beautifully constructed this psychological trap is.

The Locked Room (unproduced 3/9/01 draft)
Based on the novel by Paul Auster
by Lem Dobbs 

* It's adapted from The New York Trilogy (1987), by Paul Auster, which is three interconnected detective stories ("City of Glass," "Ghosts," and "The Locked Room").  

**I have not read the book.  Several book reviewers on Goodreads either loved it or hated it.  I can understand why.  I also felt frustrated that answers weren't readily available at times reading the script.

***Purely as a side note, I did get creeped out by the psychological suspense and was glad I read it in the day time.  

TODAY'S NUGGET: This Man, This Woman (Unproduced) - One of The Best at "Can't Live With/Without You" Emotional Gridlock

[Quick Summary: After many years apart, a film director and a sculptor (who were once married)  unexpectedly meet again on a plane.]

Though unproduced, this script was written by Frederic Raphael, whom I consider one of the best at memory time jumps (see here) and showing emotional gridlock. 

Raphael is particularly good at the bittersweet of "I can't live with you, I can't live without you." This keeps us wanting to know what comes next.

For example, in the scene below:
- Matt and Martha got married, had a son, then had an acrimonious divorce for unknown reasons.
- Several years later, their paths crossed when they were seated together on a plane.
- They have just had a cautiously pleasant conversation.
- This scene shows they're defensive, so they're not connecting, yet they have a great dynamic together.
- This scene keeps us wondering what is keeping them apart.
- The banter is a trademark of this writer's voice. It's not just clever, but also pointed and humorous. 

INT. THE PLANE. DAY.

... They both "sleep", smiling faintly. This sparring is not without warmth. But it's dangerous.

MATT: Are you busy?

MARTHA: Yeah, I'm pretty busy. 

MATT: I meant, like now, are you? 

MARTHA: I meant now. What do you want me to do? Sew on a button?

MATT: Take a look at this script.

MARTHA: You know your trouble, Matthew?

MATT: Sure. I haven't done anything great. But I have made my father feel proud of me. And ashamed of himself. I set him up in business finally. I hope that was nice of me.

MARTHA: What's it all about?

MATT: My mother was right to throw him out, but I can't forgive her for marrying him.

MARTHA: That's very up-front of you, but I only meant: what's the script all about?

MATT gives her the look. What a bitch sometimes!

MATT: It's a re-make...

MARTHA: You always said they never worked.

She's hit a nerve. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I really like that the gridlock comes from character, i.e., each side has something historically unresolved between them. Yet they do what everyone does in the meanwhile, and try to carry on.  

The intrigue/suspense for me is the fact that Martha is difficult and pushes Matt, but she's the only one who will tell him the truth (and vice versa). 

This Man, This Woman (unproduced)
by Frederic Raphael 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Trading Places (1983) - Not Tipping Your Hand Right Before a Turning Point (Suspense)

[Quick Summary: A homeless man and a broker have their lives surreptitiously swapped, all for a measly bet between two rich old men.]

This buddy comedy is a gem because of its classic fish-out-of-water setup, i.e., poor guy swaps lives with rich guy. 

It also does a great job of playing the moments as real, particularly leading up to the turning points.  This leads to REAL consequences & REAL stakes.

Because there are no magic solutions and no "fake deaths", it doesn't tip the hand of what's to come next and helps keep the suspense rising.

For example, in the scene below: 
- Louis Whipple is the grandson-in-law-to-be for two elderly Mr. Dukes. 
- Louis has just tried to O.D. on prescription pills. 
- Billy Ray is the homeless man.
- Ophelia is a woman of the streets who joins the adventure.
- Billy Ray and Ophelia have been walking Louis around the park to keep him awake.
- The writers allow Louis to make mistakes and allow the situation to defeat him.  They don't try to soften the blow by a magical solution.
- As a result, we go right up to the turning point (Louis' aha! moment below ) with real stakes (the stupid bet has gone awry and is about to cause a fatality). 

EXT. A PARK - NIGHT

...The two of them fall in the snow, and Billy Ray ends up sitting on Whipple's chest, holding him down.

BILLY RAY: Try and get it through your thick skull, Whipple! This whole thing was an experiment! And you and me are the guinea pigs! They made a bet over what would happen to us!

The truth is finally starting to dawn on Whipple. He looks from Ophelia's face to Billy Ray's.

LOUIS: A bet? They ruined my life over a bet? A bet for how much?

BILLY RAY: One dollar.

Whipple finally gets it. He smiles and nods, but his left eye is twitching.

LOUIS: A dollar. Good. Okay. Fine.

BILLY RAY: You okay, man?

LOUIS: Oh, I feel wonderful. And I'm going to feel even better.

                                       CUT TO: 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: One reason that I think audiences have become uninterested in "fake death" universes is because there are no consequences, no stakes, and thus little suspense.

Trading Places (1983)(June, 1982, 1st draft)
by Timothy Harris & Herschel Weingrod

TODAY'S NUGGET: Rachel Getting Married (2008) - Example of How Biting Wit & Humor Both Connects and Isolates

[Quick Summary:  Kym, who has been in and out of rehab, is allowed out of her recovery home for her sister Rachel's wedding.]

Q: What makes this melodrama stand out?
A: The key is the protagonist, Kym, who has a biting wit and humor.

Q: What's so unusual?
A: I never know whether it's to connect (and bring the other person closer), or to isolate (and keep them at a distance).  Either way, it keeps things suspenseful.

For example, in the scene below:
- Just prior to this scene, Kym's dad and step-mom have just picked her up from rehab for the wedding weekend.
- In the car, they try to act normal, but the parents are worried. 
- Kym answers their questions with wit, but is defensive.
- Kym wants to belong, but she also likes to be provocative to stand out. 
- Kym has a conscience, but is also self-absorbed.  
- Thus, we enter the scene below uneasy how Kym feels about her sister Rachel.
- Notice Kym is a person of extremes. When she (or another) makes an honest mis-step, she's hard on herself (and others) in a witty way. It's hard to predict but also hard to deal with.

 INT. UPSTAIRS. DAY. CONTINUOUS --

 ...KYM (to Rachel): No, seriously, you're so tiny it's like you're Asian. Dad wants us to sleep in the same room so you'll be able to watch me while he's asleep and I won't sneak out of the house and blow dealers and shoot heroin.

RACHEL: Dad did not say "blow dealers."

KYM: I told him I'd just sleep in Ethan's room.

Beat. [This is an honest mistake and they just realized it.  Also, it makes us wonder. Who is Ethan? What happened? Something bad?]

RACHEL: You can always shoot up in the tree. [Rachel deflects with humor and sarcasm.]

Kym laughs. A little too loud. [Kym does realize the mis-step and tries to cover.]

EMMA: Kym, I'm not remotely surprised you're starting your drama already, however it's Rachel's wedding and this week it's about her.

KYM: Emma, you still have your tiny core of rage! What a relief. [Kym can't admit Emma is right, so uses humor/sarcasm as a defense mechanism.]

Kym flops on the bed and gazes adoringly at her sister for a moment. Rachel beams back. [I found it interesting that the sisters are used to sarcastic humor, so they don't take it personally.]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The biting wit and humor works well here because it comes from character, i.e., it's how Kym deals with life.

It also lends itself to great suspense because we never know if it'll connect, or isolate, her.

Rachel Getting Married (2008)(undated)
by Jenny Lumet

TODAY'S NUGGET: Fracture (2007) - When Anthony Hopkins is Thrilled that Ryan Gosling Can't Find the Right Gun (Motives & Tension)

[Quick Summary: A prosecutor is pitted against a diabolical suspect who freely admits to shooting his own wife, but the gun on the scene is the wrong one.]

I stumbled across this riveting read, which features Ryan Gosling (prosecutor Willy) vs. Anthony Hopkins (murder suspect Crawford) in a "locked room" murder. * **

I was impressed how the writers kept the tension rising through motives:
- Mr. Crawford's wife was having an anonymous affair with a LAPD detective.  
- Crawford arranges to kill his wife, while this detective is on duty. 
- Crawford admits he killed his wife, but the gun at the scene belongs to the detective! 
- Crawford likes to play games and HAS to win (motive).
- Prosecutor Willy, who is leaving for a cushy law firm job, could let this case slide.
- But Crawford has done his homework on Willy, who also HAS to win (motive).
- Willy still has no clue to where the gun is, even on when the trial begins. We can't stop watching! We need to know what happens! 

I really liked the scene below, as it is a turning point for Willy:
- Marchand is the senior Scene Investigation Division tech in charge of searching the house.
- Note how Willy's desire to win drives him NOT give up, even though the facts now favor Crawford.
- Because Willy cannot get to his goal, we're curious to see what he'll do next.
- I really like how motives drive the tension.

INT. CRAWFORD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DUSK

WILLY: What about the neighbors' property? He could have thrown it over the hedges. 

MARCHAND: We checked. (beat) He might have passed it off to somebody, Willy. Had an accomplice, waiting, out the back.

Willy shakes his head, grim. Pacing.

WILLING: This isn't an accomplice sort of guy.

He slows. Looking across the room at the big Rube Goldberg device. As he moves toward it:

WILLY: This is a ...guy who likes to show off.

He examines the intricate workings, eyes traveling the clutter of metal and wires and motors. 

Checks Marchand - who shakes his head.

WILLY: You sure?

MARCHAND: I'm sure.

Willy grimaces. Fuming, relentless: 

WILLY: It's a physical object. It can't just vanish. We're missing something - some step in the story.

He begins walking through the crime, "the stations of the cross" - re-enacting it, starting from the front door, methodical, reciting it to himself:

WILLY: The neighbor sees her get home. He's already inside. She lets herself in. A minute or two later: blood-pattern says she's standing over there - he's somewhere around here.

Willy stands where Crawford was. Raises a finger-gun.

WILLY: Boom. 

As Willy goes to where Jennifer fell:

MARCHAND: But then he carries her back there. Why? 

Willy walks along the path defined by the drops of blood:

WILLY: Because he's gonna need time. To confess. When he's alone with the cop. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: A character like Willy, who is this strongly motivated, will naturally conflict with others, which in turn, drives the tension.

Fracture (2007)(1/6/05, with revisions)
by Dan Pyne

*I've been attempting to read as many E. Max Frye scripts as possible, even ones he's rewritten, such as this one. 

**As a side note: This script is well written and reads really fast.  Scripts this good often have a lot of help, and I counted 6 writers listed on the cover page. 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Where the Money Is (2000) - Woman as Aggressor

[Quick Summary: After discovering her patient has faked his symptoms in order to be transferred from prison, a nurse provokes him into robbing banks again to escape her boring life.]

Writer E. Max Frye's writing has a distinctive voice* that lends itself to suspense.  

His characters who are willing to go to extremes to get what they want.  If they do not know what they want, they're willing to cause chaos to find out.

The latter is the case with his scripts from last week and this week.  The emotionally starved women are searching for thrills and become the aggressor to find it.

For example, in the scene below:
- The protagonist, Carol, is a nurse in a nursing home.
- She's never traveled or done much in life.
- She married Wayne out of high school. They have a steady, but predictable, relationship.
- The highlight of their lives was winning high school prom.
- Her newest patient, Henry, is a bank robber who was recently transferred from prison.
- Henry has fooled everyone by pretending he's suffered a stroke. 
- Carol is the only one who suspects that Henry is faking it.  
- Henry is mute for the first 23 pgs., until the scene below.
- Carol thinks Henry has what she wants (notoriety, really LIVED, known for something) and is the key to getting it for herself.
- Notice how far she's willing to push to get a reaction. Though dysfunctional, she's so blinded by desperation to feel some excitement, she doesn't care. 

EXT. RIVER - LATE AFTERNOON 

Carol clenches her jaw, gets up and kneels beside Henry.

CAROL: Mr. Manning I know you hear me. I know you see me. I'm not gonna hurt you. You can trust me. I want to be your friend.

She reaches out, touches his cheek. He's blank.

WAYNE: Carol...

She pulls out her lighter, holds the flame under his hand. Nothing.

WAYNE: Carol! What the hell you think you're doinl!

He jumps up, grabs the lighter from her.

WAYNE: We're supposed to be havin' a picnic not a freakin' barbecue!

He pockets the lighter. Carol looks at Henry. 

CAROL: All right, damn you.

She grabs the wheelchair, begins pushing it toward the boat ramp.

WAYNE: Carol, don't do nothin' stupid!

But it's too late. She breaks into a run, pushes the wheelchair faster until they reach the sloping pavement of the boat ramp.

WAYNE: Oh, my God!

She lets it go. It races toward the river: SPLASH! Henry quickly disappears beneath the surface.

WAYNE: You'll drown him! We got to get him out of there!

CAROL: No!

She grabs him as he races past. They struggle...then stop as Henry suddenly rises up out of the water like Poseidon. 

They watch him drag himself ashore. He wipes the water from his face, spits.

HENRY: Gimme a cigarette. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: It's the refusal (or not knowing how) to deal with their emotional starvation that results in the lashing out and dysfunction.**

Where the Money Is (2000)(1/8/96 revised)
by E. Max Frye  

*I thought his quote on IMDB was very insightful:

I was lucky. I was thirty by the time Something Wild (1986) came along, so I pretty much already had my voice. I avoided the pitfalls of the rewrite business, and I moved back as soon as I could to New York and continued to write spec scripts. But I've taught film at NYU enough that I see promising screenwriters take the three-picture deal with Disney, and they just disappear after two years of intense grinding and studio manipulation, notes, and people kicking the shit out of them. Before they know what's going on, they have no voice left - if they ever had one to begin with. Or their nascent kind of voice that attracted the studios and producers in the first place gets stomped right out of them.

**Lest you think this type of character may seem unrealistic and too theatrical, I recently experienced the blowback of dealing with one in real life and the "I want what I want" stonewalling was very real.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Tender Mercies (1983) - How A Simple, Clear Motive Can Be Quite Unpredictable (Suspense)

[Quick Summary: A run down, former singer-songwriter gets a second wife and a second chance with his daughter and career.]

I think people like suspense because it is unpredictable.

But what is unpredictable any more without guns or car chases? 

Perhaps one key is to create characters who:
a) are dedicated to clear motives
b) and their motives clash.  

This script is a good example of pure character work being the unpredictable factor rather than external stimuli like explosions. 

Before the scene below:
- The protagonist, Mac, used to be a famous singer until he became an alcoholic.
- Dixie is Mac's ex-wife and is still touring as a famous singer.
- Sue Anne (18) is their daughter, who hasn't seen her dad since she was 6.
- Harry is Dixie's manager.
- Dixie has spoiled Sue Anne, giving her everything except freedom.
- The tour has stopped in a town near Mac's house.
- Note that the unpredictability spring from within these characters. We are constantly uncertain because we don't know how far the characters will go.

INT. DIXIE'S DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT.

SHE is changing her clothes. Sue Anne and HARRY come in.

DIXIE: I told you to wait up here with me when you weren't out front watching the show.

SUE ANNE: I'm sick of watching the show. I've seen it a hundred times.

DIXIE: Then stay up here.

SUE ANNE: I don't want to sit around here by myself.

DIXIE: Then watch T.V.

SUE ANNE: I'm sick of that, too.

SHE starts out.

DIXIE: Where are you going?

SUE ANNE: I'm going back to the hotel.

DIXIE: Why?

SUE ANNE: To change my clothes. I've got a date tonight.

DIXIE: Who with?

SUE ANNE: None of your business.

DIXIE: God damn it. What do you mean it's none of my business.

HARRY: Now, come on, honey. Don't get excited. You still have the rest of the show to do. [His motive is clear: make sure Dixie gets back on stage.]

DIXIE: She's going on no date unless I know who she's going with. [Dixie's motive is clear: don't let Sue Anne go on this date.]

SUE ANNE: Try and stop me. [Sue Anne's motive is clear: I will go on this date.]

DIXIE grabs her. SUE ANNE yanks her arm free and runs out. DIXIE follows to the door. 

DIXIE: (Screaming): Sue Anne. Sue Ann. Sue Anne. (She turns to Harry.) Harry, go after her. Tell her I said she'd better get back here and get back fast.

HE runs out after her.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Characters don't need complicated motives, but they must be strong clashing ones in order to setup the uncertainty of "how far will they go?"

Tender Mercies (1983)(undated)
by Horton Foote

TODAY'S NUGGET: The 'Burbs (1989) - Funny is Self-Inflicted Assumptions

[Quick Summary: After neighbor Walter goes missing, the other neighbors assume a mysterious neighbor has kidnapped him, and investigate.]

GOOD NEWS: This script has some fun moments, but it's an okay script.

BAD NEWS: It's an okay script, and it's hard to put one's finger on why.* **

GOOD NEWS: I thought there were amusing + tense moments, especially when the cause is imagined and/or self-inflicted.

For example, in the scene below:
- Ray (protagonist) is curious about the new, unsociable next-door neighbors. 
- The whole neighborhood is curious about their mysterious basement noises too.
- Walter, another neighbor, has been missing for several days.
- Art, the wacky neighbor, thinks the new neighbors have kidnapped Walter. 
- Art just rang the new neighbors' doorbell and slipped a note: "I know what you did" to scare them.
- Art runs to Ray's backyard to wake up Ray, who is napping.
- While they're talking, Vince, Ray's dog, digs up a bone.
- Note the flow of rising and falling tension: Art's impulsive act leads to this tense moment --> increased by Vince finding the bone --> heightened by the unseen smoker next door --> ESCAPE! --> brought to shrieking halt by Carol's appearance.
- It's also funny, because Art started the drama by jumping to conclusions.

EXT. RAY'S BACK YARD - DAY

...ART (thrusts [the bone] at him): Look at it! This thing didn't come off a chicken! Where'd he get it?

Ray stutters and then -- his eyes lock on the fence and he blanches. 

RAY: The fence...he...pulled it out from under the fence...

Art looks once at the fence and his jaw drops.

ART: Jesus Christ! Ray! There's no doubt anymore! This is real! They killed him! They cut him up! And then they buried him in the yard!

He holds the bone in front of his face.

ART: This is Walter!

Involuntarily, Ray screams.

RAY: Aaaaagh!

MEN

PSYCHO PANIC MUSIC SHRIEKS. CAMERA ZOOMS IN AND OUT REPEATEDLY ON the bone and the screaming men in a disorienting acid-fright nightmare effect. Then...

Suddenly, Art springs on Ray and clamps a hand over his mouth! Art's eyes are wide and trained next door, where we hear a SCREEN DOOR SLAM. We start a SLOW, SUSPENSEFUL PAN OVER TO...

FENCE

All we can make out through the slats are shadows, but we can hear FOOTSTEPS on the grass within the yard...and they're coming closer...

PATIO

Art and Ray stand frozen, petrified, as the FOOTSTEPS CLOSE IN on the fence.

FENCE

Now the shadow and the footsteps are nose-to-nose with  the fence, a puff of smoke curling upward from just the other side. The WOOD CREAKS as a couple of slats bend inward, indicating the smoker is leaning on the fence, peeking through a crack.

ART AND RAY

hold each other, paralyzed with fear.

FENCE

CREAKS a little more. Then, up over the top, comes a crumpled piece of paper. It lands softly in the grass, and the smoking presence retreats. The SCREEN DOOR SLAMS again.

ART AND RAY

Art breaks from the patio, leaving Ray frozen stiff. In a crouch, he runs to the wad of paper and furiously opens it. His expression turns dark and he looks at Ray.

ART: My note...

Ray's eyes bulge and he breaks for the back door just as...

CAROL

opens the back door.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  I liked that this scene was based on Art's internal assumptions, which he acted upon, i.e., making the inner emotions seen externally.

The 'Burbs (1989)(4/15/88 draft, revised)
by Dana Olsen

* Ebert writes: "It’s hard to put your finger on exactly what’s missing from the movie. The actors do what they can with the material and the special effects are ambitious, but somehow the film fails to rouse itself into any real conviction. It’s cut and dried; we anticipate the major events in the story and we’re right. And when the explanation for the strange family’s behavior finally arrives, it’s not much of a surprise."

**For what it's worth, I think it might be to do with the low stakes:  Neighbors are curious about the new neighbors, who may have "kidnapped" a fellow neighbor, and investigate.

But what will happen if they don't investigate?  Not much.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Rebecca (1940) - Foreshadowing with the Sly Inuendos

[Quick Summary: The second Mrs. de Winter struggles not to be intimidated by the shadow of the first Mrs. de Winter.]

TWO THOUGHTS:

1) PROTAGONIST W/O A NAME. This is the first script that I've seen in which the main character has no name and is never called by her name.* 

2) FORESHADOWING.  I think this is still one of Alfred Hitchcock's most famous films** because of its foreshadowing what "I" is about to face.

Why does it work? One element is the atmosphere of unresolved feelings. 
ex. Everyone else has opinions about Rebecca, the first Mrs. de Winter, except the protagonist and the audience.  It feels like we are lagging behind.  

How does it work? I think it's a snowballing of a string of hints and clues. 
ex. The protagonist only gets pieces of the story.  It keeps the audience engaged to try to put them together and see what comes next.

For example:
- The protagonist, "I", has been paid companion to Mrs. Van Hopper.
- She and Maxim de Winter have just announced their engagement to Mrs. Van Hopper in her hotel room.
- Maxim leaves the room to make wedding arrangements.
- Mrs. Van Hopper is the first to drop sly innuendos that can be taken two ways.
- She plays with "I's" fears of losing Maxim.
- The scene below is from the shooting script. The "official" script in the anthology is slightly different.

[NOTE: I have bolded several innuendos and hints below.]

Mrs. Van Hopper walks to "I", dropping all pretense.

MRS. VAN HOPPER: So this is what has been happening during my illness! (She smiles unpleasantly.) Tennis lessons my foot! (she goes close to "I") I suppose I've got to hand it to you for a fast worker. How did you manage it? Still waters certainly run deep! But it's a lucky thing for you that you haven't a family to ask embarrassing questions. When did you first meet him?

"I": The day after we arrived here.

MRS. VAN HOPPER: Really! And all this time you've been listening to me talk about him - and never a peep out of you. And I took you for an innocent, unsophisticated child!

She takes a few steps away from "I" CAMERA FOLLOWING HER, then turns quickly round.

MRS. VAN HOPPER (taking a cigarette out and lighting it): You realize that he's much older than you.

SEMI CLOSE UP

"I" slightly on the defensive.

"I": I'm old for my age.

Mrs. Van Hopper comes back into the picture and laughs.

MRS. VAN HOPPER: You certainly are.

She leans closer to "I" and speaks in a lower tone.

MRS. VAN HOPPER: Tell me, have you been doing anything you shouldn't?

She looks "I" up and down appraisingly like a judge at a cattle show. "I" backs away from her

"I" (with some indignation): I don't know what you mean.

Mrs. Van Hopper shrugs her shoulders. Her cigarette still in her mouth, she takes out a compact and starts to powder her nose.

MRS. VAN HOPPER: Oh well - never mind. I always did say Englishmen have strange tastes. But you'll certainly have your work cut out as mistress of Manderley. To be perfectly frank with you, my dear, I can't see you doing it. (she strolls out of picture)

SEMI CLOSE UP

She strolls into picture by the mirror as she continues:

MRS. VAN HOPPER: You haven't the experience, you haven't the faintest idea what it means to be a great lady. Personally, I think you're making a big mistake - one you will bitterly regret.

Through the mirror we see "I" watching her unhappily, and Mrs. Van Hopper starts to adjust a few stray hairs under her hat.

MRS. VAN HOPPER: Of course, you know why he's marrying you, don't you? You haven't flattered yourself that he's in love with you. The fact is, that empty house got on his nerves to such an extent he nearly went off his head. He just couldn't go on living alone.

SEMI CLOSE UP

During the last long speech we cut in a flash of "I" getting more and more unhappy and angry.

"I": You'd better leave, Mrs. Van Hopper. You'll miss your train.

CLOSE UP

Mrs. Van Hopper turns and faces "I". A queer, twisted smile crosses her face.

MRS. VAN HOPPER (with withering sarcasm): Mrs. de Winter. (With a sour laugh) Good-bye, my dear, and good luck. 

She turns and flounces out. The slam of the door is heard.

CLOSE UP

"I's" worried face as she looks after her.

                                                                                                  FADE OUT.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The hints and clues don't need to be obvious. Just enough to play with the character's weakness or fears.  It can then escalate from there.

Rebecca (1940)(shooting script, 3/26/40)
Rebecca (1940)(anthology)
by Robert E. Sherwood and Joan Harrison
Based on the novel by Daphne du Maurier

*The editors of this anthology note: "This story is the dramatization of a first person narrative related by the second Mrs. De Winter. Except for her formal name, later in the story, she can be known to us only as "I" and is therefore so called throughout."

**This was Alfred Hitchcock's first American film, and garnered 11 Oscar nominations, including one for best screenplay.

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Money Train (1995) - Active Decisions is One Way to Carry One's Point Without Forcing It

[Quick Summary: A NYC transit cop tries to steal the express "money train," despite the protestations of his foster brother and fellow transit cop.]

A recent New York Times Book Review gave a high compliment: "a sensitive writer who can carry his point without forcing." 

This could easily be applied to writer David Loughery, whose description of action always delights  me because they're a continual see-saw of suspense.  

One of his secrets is that neither the protagonist or the bad guy has the upper hand for long. Both must make active decisions.

For example, in the scene below:
- The Torch just set John's girlfriend, a fellow cop, on fire.
- John, the protagonist, has to constantly make decisions (A or B?)
- This keeps us constantly off balance and engaged.
- To me, this effectively "carries the point" that John is the underdog (vs. "forcing" with frequent reminders 'but don't worry - John is experienced! John is the cop!')

INT. TUNNEL #2 - DAY

John runs through the darkness, gun ready. He can hear The Torch somewhere up ahead, footsteps echoing back. The tunnel comes to a division, breaking off into two tunnels.  [Which tunnel, John?]

John stops.

Which way did The Torch go? John listens. No footsteps. No noise. John's nostrils flare. He can smell gas. It leads into the left tunnel.  Cautiously, John enters, swallowed up in the darkness.

Then --wham! -- John is struck from behind with a rotting plank in the hands of The Torch. John loses his gun and falls to his knees. The gun skitters into the darkness.  [John makes the right decision, but has another problem and has lost a weapon. What is the next decision?]

With a giggle, The Torch drops the rotted plank and runs to retrieve John's fallen gun, unaware that his hose is leaking a trail of gas behind him. [The Torch, who is not immune from problems either, helps inform John's next decision..]

Stunned, still on his knees, Johns sees the trail of gas droplets and follows it with his eyes to where the The Torch is standing, grinning like a crazy raccoon, pointing John's own gun at him.  [I like this mix of uncertainty and danger. It is a good way to sustain suspense.]

THE TORCH: See what happens when you play with fire?

With his free hand, The Torch reaches inside his coat and pulls out his gasoline bottle, intending to spray it on John. He doesn't notice that John has reached into his own coat pocket and comes out with a book of matches. [The scales tip toward John, for now.]

JOHN: Somebody gets burned. 

John ignites the whole book of matches and throws it on the trail of gas droplets. Foom! A line of flame runs to The Torch and right up his leg, setting him on fire.

Whoosh! The Torch lets out a scream of surprise as his gas-soaked coat blazes up. He squeals and spins around as flames erupt all over him.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  Don't allow your characters to have it easy for long.  Don't ever stop creating situations where they have to make active decisions.

The Money Train (1995)(shooting script, 12/30/94 w/revisions)
by David Loughery

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Hi-Lo Country (1998) - Romantic Triangles for Tension & Suspense; Excellent Dangerous Female Role

[Quick Summary: Pete, a ranch hand, is in love with the married Mona from afar, but still looks out for his best friend Big Boy, who is actually seeing her behind her husband's back.]

TWO THOUGHTS:

1) RISING TENSION & SUSPENSE. Writer Walon Green has a real talent for keeping tension and suspense mounting for the whole script.

First, there's two romantic triangles (Big Boy, Mona, husband; Big Boy, Mona, Pete).  

Then he sticks Pete with conflicting motives. He has a crush on Mona, which Big Boy doesn't know about, and his loyal friend Big Boy is unwilling to give up Mona.  

2)  DANGEROUS FEMALE ROLE. It was a treat to see that Mona is equally culpable for the situation.  She is beyond caring, and thus, she is dangerous.

In the scene below, note how COMMITTED each character is to their motives.  Because of this, the conflict will be unavoidable, thus raising the tension/suspense.

EXT. HI LO - DAY

Pete stands on the sidewalk, leaning against a building near his truck. He glances at his watch. He seems anxious waiting for someone -- Mona.

                                                                             CUT TO:

INT. HI LO CAFE - DAY

Pete sits at a window table, eating a sandwich. Glancing out he sees --

POV PETE

Mona's car goes past.

RESUME PETE

 He gets up and drops some money on the table.

EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY

 Pete exits and reacts as he sees --

POV PETE

Mona gets out of her car and Les gets out the passenger side. After a few words, they head in different directions.

Mona walks along the side walk. Her thin summer cotton dress clinging to her body and her bare legs.

INT. A SMALL MARKET - DAY

Mona browses picking vegetables from a counter. Suddenly, Pete is at her side. He takes her arm and moves her through the door into the back room.

INT. MARKET STORAGE ROOM - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

Pete releases Mona. She looks at him, annoyed.

MONA: That wasn't very smart.

PETE: Let's not argue about who's bein' smart these days.

Mona says nothing, she knows what's coming.

PETE (continuing): You got to break it off with him. You'll get him killed.

MONA: Now suddenly you're the concerned best friend.

PETE: You're damn right I am.

MONA: Pete, I know what you really are and so do you. I've seen you look at me when I'm with him. I know what eats at you, and it's not concern for your best friend.

Pete has the urge to hit her for striking the chord of horrible truth.

MONA (continuing): I've been bored all my life except for right now.

Mona turns and walks calmly out of the store room.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was surprised at how much Mona's unswerving commitment to her own interests raised the tension for me.

The Hi-Low Country (1998)(1st draft, 8/16/96)
by Walon Green
Based on the novel by Max Evans

TODAY'S NUGGET: Judge Dredd (1995) - Inventive Way to Stage a Fight Using One's Head (Literally)

[Quick Summary: Judge Dredd, a clone who has both police and judiciary powers, is wrongly accused of a crime, and fights his way back to prevent a take over.]

This script has remarkable clarity, action, and energy on the page.  

I particularly marveled at how I was still able to connect with the script, though I did not know the underlying comic book material.*

I really enjoyed the inventive way the writers staged the fight below because it requires the opponents to anticipate and think their way out, not simply use brawn.

NOTE:
- "Mean" is Rev. Angel's henchman.
- Mean has a dial on his head.  1 is calm, 4 is frenzied.

INT. RUINED COURTHOUSE - NIGHT

... REVEREND ANGEL: And Mean - Finish Dredd - !

MEAN: My pleasure.

Mean breaks into a big smile, nods, turns the dial on his head to 4, and turns back -- He takes a big swing, and lets the meanest ever headbutt fly.

DREDD like lightning lifts his whole body weight up. Mean goes flying into the wooden pole behind, cracking his skull wide open.

KEE-RACKK-K-! Dredd and the pole fall to the floor. He throws the ropes off his wrists --

Mean is starting to get to his feet -- Dredd slides past him, twisting the dial on his head down to 1 -- continues towards --

THE ANGELS

Drop Fergie -- he scrambles away -- rush Dredd! Dredd doesn't wait for them to reach him - he charges!

REVEREND ANGEL

Cranks Mean's dial back up to 4 -- Mean starts to move --

DREDD

Sweeps past, twisting the dial back to 1, Mean drops to his knees --

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked that this is an atypically staged fight, so there's some suspense. How will the opponents figure their way out of this?

Also, I liked that this didn't feel like a comic book where no one ever suffers repercussions, but like a real action story with real consequences. 

Judge Dredd (1995)(7/25/94 draft, w/revisions)
by Gary Goldman and Danny Cannon
Previous drafts by Steven de Souza/Walon Green, William Wisher/John Fasano

*In fact, I had not interest in this script itself.  I only decided to read it after learning writer Walon Green (The Wild Bunch) had written an earlier draft.

2024 OSCARS: American Fiction (2023) - What Happens After the Satire's Punchline?

[Quick Summary: While he faces family issues, a frustrated black writer writes a book that's meant to be insulting, but it becomes a best-seller, much to his dismay.]

I think one of the hardest parts of satires is not losing that edgy irony.

I hate it when a script has a great scene with a zinger punchline, but then it dies.  Why couldn't the writer couldn't sustain the momentum? What happened?  

Many times, the script will simply plateau, instead of continuing to build. 

ex. Perhaps the writers were so happy with a joke that they keep going back to that same well, trying to keep cashing in on that one great scene. 

I liked this script because it never resting too long on a punchline. It also never allowed the protagonist to get too comfortable, so the tension continues to build.

For example, in the scene below:

- Carl is the head of the Literary Award committee.
- He is oblivious to the veiled insult Monk delivers ("I'm honored you'd choose me...") If it ended there, that would just be a great punch line.
- However, the writer turns the tables on Monk and plays to his weakness: "you can judge other writers like they judged you."
- This last bit of conflict is what makes the scene fresh and unpredictable.  We want to know what will happen next.

INT. CARL BRUNT'S OFFICE - SAME TIME

...MONK: Every writer knows the Literary Award, Carl. Especially those of us who haven't won it.

Carl laughs a little.

CARL: Well, that's related to why I'm calling. Like many American institutions, mine was recently rattled by the notion that our lack of diversity has led to a blindspot in our work. So we're kind of trying to remedy that and, to that end, I was wondering how you might feel about being a judge for this year's award.

Monk pauses his browsing for a moment.

MONK: Um, let me say first say, Carl, that I'm honored you'd choose me out of all the black writers you could go to for fear of being called racist.

CARL (oblivious): Yeah, you're very welcome.

MONK: But I think this sounds like a lot of work.

CARL: Yeah, I can't deny that. I mean, you're going to have to read dozens of books. We could offer you a modest stipend.

MONK: Even so, I'm not sure.

CARL: OK. One other crass perk I reference when people are on the fence is that this will allow you the opportunity to literally judge other writers for once, rather than just figuratively.

Monk considers this for a moment.

MONK: Alright. I'm in.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Beware of resting on a punchline too long. Satires particularly do well with a conflict after the punchline. 

Perhaps one reason for this is that an audience feels good after a punchline, and will want another jolt. They'll feel let down unless there's another upswing of emotion, and conflict can deliver that.

American Fiction (2023)
by Cord Jefferson
Based on the novel "Erasure," by Percival Everett