TODAY'S 2nd NUGGET: Truncated Action Descriptions

A fellow writer sent me this blog article, "Cliches to Avoid Like the Plague" by Dan Reilly, a Hollywood story analyst, & asked me what I thought. 

It's excellent.

I'd never really realized that "Just looks" & "They laugh" are unnecessary stage (as in theater) directions.

He also writes about my biggest pet peeve: the truncated action descriptions.

ex. “Two legs. Running fast. Night sky. No stars. The legs. Run faster. A bomb. No time. EXPLOSION.”

The idea is to keep the sentences short b/c readers have no attention spans.  That is good.

However, a whole script of truncations will cause me to see red.  (And yes, I have.) I'll probably go Hulk on you.

Why?

These aren't sentences.  They're fragments.  For NO REASON.  That's NOT COOL.

My eyes get tired from stop-start-stop-start.  I'm not paying attention to your story.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Unless you've got a @#$()*% good reason, don't use truncated action descriptions.

What are @#$()% good reasons? 

To point out the murder weapon: "He shot her with an Uzi.  Her Uzi."
To slow the reader on purpose: "Scarlett. In red. Leaping from the cliff. THE END."

QUESTION: 5 Questions No One Asked on #scriptchat

Yesterday I participated in #scriptchat, a lively Twitter discussion group held every Sunday for an hour.  There's a UK version (noon EST) & a US version (8pm EST).

The topics change & this week participants could ask 5 readers (one of which was moi) questions. It was fast & furious fun!

For those who didn't catch it, here's the transcript: http://scriptchat.blogspot.com/

Here are the questions I know you wanted to ask but didn't.  (At least these are things I'd want to ask)

1. Do you have a recommended eating routine for writers?  Yes, but the starving artist's diet isn't very popular.

2. Are you a real person?  No, I'm a figment of my own imagination.

3. Do I have to live in LA?  No, you may teleport in.

4. How do I grow a thick hide?  You're allowed to cry for the first 200 times in the privacy of your home.

5.  What would you pay me to write?  Something that evokes PASSION, something that keeps me wondering, "What's next?"

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  When you have questions on writing, read David Mamet's great memo: http://www.movieline.com/2010/03/david-mamets-memo-to-the-writers-of-the-unit.php

TODAY'S NUGGET: Should I Try to Sell a "Trendy" Script?

[NOTE: Sorry blogosphere for not blogging as frequently of late. I'm writing my own script and am on a real tear.  Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.]

There are few rules I will proclaim are eternal, but here is one: Hollywood will always, always, always buy material that sells.

Predicting what the public will consume is the tricky part.  They try to bank on stuff that's sold before.  Anything too new or different is scary b/c it won't make back a profit to survive another day.

So on the one hand, Hollywood proclaims it wants something new (which it does), but also wants something repeatable & reliable (which it does).

So how do they deal with the dichotomy?  They rely & watch trends.

The way to deal with trends is to recognize:


1) What the trends are
2) What the fatigue level is in Hollywood for the trend

3) Is your script really about the trend or about something universal? (Hint: It should be about the latter.)


Here are 2 examples of specs I read recently:

ex. Script A gives H'wood the bro-mance trend.  But frankly, there are so many copycats, there is a fatigue...unless your "trend" is more universal & just happens to touch on the trend, which this script does not.  I wasn't a big fan.

ex. Script B also gives H'wood the vampire trend, which is rather played out too & a new vampire flick will not stand out.

But what if your script is about the dynamics of a husband-wife or father-son dynamic & they just happen to be vampires? What if this story focused wasn't so much about being vampires, but feeling like a stranger in your own family?  And that's the reason I liked the script so much. Vampire was secondary.

Now you may ask, how do I make my vampire or bro-mance script stand out in a sea of copycats?  Won't the execs just dump my script b/c they think I'm following the passe trend?

My answer: If your script is unusual enough (& by that I mean it is: 1) so clear & fascinating; & 2) a simple phrase summarizes it so it hypes up jaded execs & their assistants), it won't matter when it's submitted.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  Trends don't mean much if it's a really, really, really, unusually good script.

When it will be made, that's another story.

TODAY'S NUGGET: I've Got a Request! Now What?

Last night at an Oscar party, I met a new writer who had just gotten a script request.  I noticed that the glow from the request was fading & it was beginning to sink in that the hard work was about to begin. 

It's like you've been practicing on a tricycle, & suddenly you're handed a two wheeler. You're thinking to yourself, "I've-accomplished-a-big-step-what-the-hell-do-I-do-now?"

A few tips:

1 - Relax.  Take a day to decompress.

2 - Realize this is a new reality of being a writer.  Be proud of yourself for taking another step in your career.  Now, take what you've learned from this blog & put it into practice.  The worst thing you can do is forget what you've learned.

3 - Speak words of encouragement to yourself every day.  As the demands of life begin to take over your attention, you'll be tempted to think, "I can't do this" and "I'll just forget this request." 

You, and only you, are responsible for keeping your emotions in check & your creative floodgates open. 

Do NOT talk down to yourself when you have a bad writing day.

Do NOT talk about failure, because there is no failure. Even if you get a "no," it's a "no" on this project - not on projects forever.  And b/c you have a relationship, you can submit again.

If you're not confident in your vision (or able to fake it until you make it), then you're not cut out for life as a writer.  That's what we're paid for - our vision.

4 - A few words on perfectionism. 

You've put time aside & made writing a priority to make this script request in 30 days.  (Good)

Your rewrite is stalling.  (Bad)

You POLITELY inquire if you could have another 30 days, & it is granted. (Good)

You're refusing to show your script to anyone, but the time is ticking down. (Bad)

You miss the deadline again. (Very bad)

You just don't submit. (Very, very bad b/c you're not acting professionally)

What's the morale of the story?  Realize you need help sooner than later.  GET HELP.  Ask a friend to read your script, even unfinished.  Get story notes, get coverage, get SOMETHING to help you finish.

Also, don't defeat yourself by measuring yourself against a shooting draft of an Oscar nominated script, or someone else's work.  Those have multiple passes with development notes & have been polished & polished & polished FOR YEARS.

Your job: Hand in the VERY VERY BEST draft you can.  But if it has a small hole, that is ok. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Your job is to deliver the vision.

A reader is thinking, "Do I like this script as a whole?" 

The small stuff can be easily fixed, but the vision can't.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Scorsese's One Liner

On one of the morning talk shows today, Martin Scorsese mentioned that he wanted to make his latest movie, Shutter Island, in part because of this line: "Is it better to live a monster or die a good man?"

Wow. Now that's what I want to see in a script. One spectacular line that makes an A-lister salivate.

Mind you, I haven't seen the movie nor read the script, but I'm captivated by this one sentence.

Why?

It's got interesting characters - man or beast?

It's got universal conflict - I could be shunned, but still live, OR I could die a hero.

It contains an idea-action, i.e., the idea is monster vs. human, & the action is a man vacillating between both worlds.

It captures my imagination. The movie poster will capture the moment of indecision.

It's an easy sell. ex. "This is a modern day Jekyll and Hyde."

Wish I'd written that line...Or better yet - wish I'd written a script that Scorsese jumped on!

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I've seen too many scripts that I can't boil down to one sentence. This tells me a one liner is still the gold standard.

INSIDE THE READER'S MIND: Dialogue (Part 4 of 4)

For me, dialogue is probably the “easiest” and least analyzed of the four parts of coverage.

Why? It’s either on the nose, or it isn’t.

It’s either got subtext, or not.

Dialogue is like tennis. Tennis is not the racket and the ball. It’s two people swinging it back & forth

A few tips:

- Say what you mean, but don’t go all existential on me. Ex. I read a script whose dialogue was trying SO hard not to be on the nose, SO hard to be clever, SO lofty that I had NO idea what the heck they were saying.

- If dialogue is hard for you, listen to people in a coffee shop & see how much of dialogue is really gestures, innuendo, & glances. This is why dialogue should never be huge solid blocks of print.

- Dialogue should push your scene into the next scene. This is the most frequent mistake. The conversation ends & everything is neatly wrapped up. There’s no reason to go to the next scene.

- The whole purpose of dialogue is to glaze the ham. It’s not the meat (conflict). It’s not the table setting (structure). The only reason dialogue is there is to sweeten what’s already there. Unfortunately, newbies tend to rely too much on dialogue and you get a mouthful of glaze. Ugh.

- If you’re going to use voice over, make darn sure you’ve explored every other option. I will not stomach lazy V.O. like: “I was destined to do something grand.” You’re trying to tell instead of show. That is cheating.

WHAT I’VE LEARNED: Dialogue can easily be rewritten. Do you really want to be rewritten?

INSIDE THE READER'S MIND: Conflict (Part 3 of 4)

Conflict must build to the climax.

(Wow - so profound, huh?)

It's kind of like when you're driving & your kid in the back seat complains he has to use the restroom NOW.

I know you're focused on the road, you missed the right exit, it's raining, you only have one headlight, a police siren is chasing you, but remember: you've got to deliver that kid in the back seat to a restroom ASAP.

A few hints:

- When you have an ensemble cast, the conflict must build for all the characters. It doesn't have to be a big conflict or earth shattering, but each must rise.

- Make the protagonist's conflict singularly clear. ex. I saw a script where the protagonist wants the lifestyle of the rich and famous. However, that's too much to tackle. It's got to be either money, or status, or something more concrete.

- I can tell the minute the conflict dies b/c the scene goes on a tangent or the story stops. ex. In one script, a protagonist is thwarted in Act 1. He puts down the goal A and picks up goal B. This tells me that the conflict isn't strong enough to sustain a script, i.e., something is off in the traits or structure.

- Conflict only works if there is give and take. I know this sounds basic, but I've seen scripts where characters never really clash. Even if they never meet in person, they've got to fight for dominance.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Conflict is a combination of urgency, pacing, stakes, and a battle.

INSIDE THE READER'S MIND: Structure (Part 2 of 4)

When you have solid character traits, the structure should rapidly crescendo and crash the ending.

Crash = “put everything you’ve got into it & don’t leave anything behind for a sequel b/c there may not be a sequel.”

The biggest problems come when writers fail to escalate/crescendo in Act 2.

A few tips:

- More car crashes or train wrecks do not mean you’ve escalated the tension.

- Tension arises from the protagonist and antagonist traits that clash in increasing increments. (Ironically, writers often pick traits that are too easily solved in a few scenes. Pick a good trait that needs a whole script to be worked out.)

- Allow the character to gloat once in awhile. Then hit ‘em hard in the next scene.

- Does it have to be 3 acts? Not necessarily, although that is usually the easiest.

- I imagine the turning points as telephone poles, and the scenes as the cables strung between them. You wouldn’t believe how many times there are cables that go into the ground (scenes that go off on tangents) or cut cables (the action stops, starts, stops, starts). It’s no wonder electricity can’t get through.

WHAT I’VE LEARNED: Structure isn’t by accident. You have to deliberately drill where the telephone poles will go, and use the right kind & amount of cable so it will reach from pole to pole.

BOOK CLUB: Chance or Fate? (Ch. 10)

[Today we're reading Ch. 10 Destiny Is An Accident Waiting to Happen, by Michael Tierno (2002).]

I liked this sentence: "The fluctuation between chance elements and fate allows viewers to make up their own minds about destiny." p. 57

WHAT I’VE LEARNED: The problem is when there's too much chance (b/c it comes off as way too coincidental), or too much fate (b/c it comes off as too expected).

[DISCLAIMER: I have not been asked, nor paid, to read or comment on this book.]

INSIDE THE READER'S MIND: Character

Yesterday, someone asked me what I look for in evaluating whether to recommend or pass.

So step inside my mind and let me give you a tour.

The four main things I look for are: Character, Structure, Conflict, Dialogue.

Why this particular order? I've learned that dialogue problems are usually conflict problem. Conflict problems are based in structure. And Structure issues almost always crop because the character traits are weak.

So it makes sense that that is my 1st stop.

Here a few tips:

- When you get a note that say your character wasn't "sympathetic enough, " that's the nice way of saying he/she was boring. That's my way of saying I didn't want to root for your character.

- I must see a character with a flaw or something he/she is trying to overcome. Perfect characters get an automatic "pass" because it means there's no conflict. Flawed characters make you want to sit and watch to see what happens.

- Antagonists must be as smart as the protagonists. We like to see closely matched games on tv. Why not closely matched characters?

- I saw a character that was sympathetic, had a flaw, had a protagonist. But I still passed. She didn't have that "something extra"...she didn't have a real internal struggle. When you construct your character, give them two traits that fight against each other. ex. She's manipulative, but is guilt ridden. He's brave, but shy.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: If you nail the character, I estimate you have about 50% of the work done.

TODAY'S 2nd Nugget: Tone of Two Scripts

I read two scripts that target the same demographic. Both extremely well written. Both great roles for women. But I gave thumbs up to one and not the other. Why?

It all came down to tone.

The first script was fun. It felt like a friend who bursts out dancing, and then next thing you know you're boogeying down on the dance floor, having the best time of your life.

The second was also fun, but more sophisticated fare. It felt like the friend who takes you for your first glorious high tea at Harrods.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Someone will buy both these script, they're that good. However, who & where will depend on the mandate of the prod. co. I know one fits here, but the other not so much.

Today's 2nd Nugget: Searing Dialogue

Roger Ebert twittered that James Joyce died today in 1941. He linked to his review of The Dead (1987), John Houston's last film. It is based on Joyce's novel and seems unfilmable.

The review mentions these powerful lines of dialogue:

"What was it he died of so young?" asks Gabriel. "Consumption, was it?"
"She replies, "I think he died from me."

Wow! Her six words say it all ...A man who loved her so much he literally died from it when they were parted.

Does that not encapsulate the depth of this man's longing?

Does that not sear your soul?

Can you not sense her subtext of regret, even these many years later?

Pay attention! This is what A list actors are looking for.

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20051009/REVIEWS08/510090301/1023

TODAY'S 2nd NUGGET: Comedy Done With Excellence

Today I read a three quadrant comedy script that had me smiling 1/8 page in.

By 1/4 page, I was grinning like a loon.

By page 1, I knew the entire movie. That's how it's done, folks.

I. Loved. It. Sublime. Classic. My butt didn’t move as I read from top to bottom. Quite simply, these folks can write.

The keys:

1st - The story came first, and the funny parts second. This script was grounded in a well crafted story. The jokes had more punch & impact b/c they didn’t have to do the heavy lifting.

2nd - Strong conflict in each scene. The writer knew precisely what every character wanted, what beats the character needed to hit, & brought to the forefront. (Not every script does that.)

3rd - Good character traits. Each had a flaw & an arc. I was rooting for these people from p. 1 and it didn’t end until the last page.

4th – Clean. Everything about this script was clean and uncluttererd. The flow was forward, and at a crisp pace. It allowed me to easily vertically read. I couldn’t wait to turn the page.

This movie feels like chicken soup and apple pie and the American flag all rolled into one. I was so sad that the story ended, I wanted to re-read it for fun. FOR FUN.

WHAT I’VE LEARNED: This script was so good I wanted to bronze it.

TODAY'S NUGGET: How Good is Good?

It doesn't happen every day.

But today is one of those days when I read a spec script that is so good, I want to stand up in my cubicle and tell the whole office to stop working - we must buy this script.

This script is so good I can already pitch it without notes.

This script is so good that you'd be a fool not to invest.

This script is so good that I'd put my personal money on the line.

This script is so good that it's an Oprah show waiting to happen.

This script is so heart-warming, so gut-wrenching, so hit-close-to-home, that I've had to go to quadruple hyphenated adjectives to describe it.

To all writers out there: this is the kind of script you want to send in. Every time I read even a few pages, I'm swept up in a passion that it must get to the screen.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Lightning does strike.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Chick Lit Scripts

My heart has cracked in two. There’s a huge cavity inside my chest & I just want to crawl under the covers.

Yesterday I was fine, happy, and the sun was shining despite my problems.

….Or was this just me after reading two different chick lit scripts (both adaptions by two different A list writers)?

Chick lit isn’t my favorite genre. It ranges widely, sometimes obsessively, over everyday issues that don’t mean as much to me. I can understand a rom-com, because it’s essentially about the relationship.

But chick lit? It’s heavy into an individual’s point of view.

However, these two excellent scripts moved me to laughter (yesterday) & stifled tears (today). I am also very, very impressed by their clarity. The conflict is never hidden – who vs. who, why, where, the consequences. The basics are rock solid, and it is the nuances that tell me this is a writer in command.


WHAT I’VE LEARNED: The secret to these scripts is that they steal past your guard, and create a lump in your throat. And you have no idea how they did it.
TO

TODAY'S NUGGET: A Cheery Note

I'm always cheered to hear that a script I gave a hearty thumbs up is now steaming forward.

Some background: Several months ago I read a fantastic sci-fi/fantasy road trip.

I couldn't believe the exec had doubts, but I could see why from a business standpoint. The budget did seem small for the CGI, and it was also packaged with an untested director.

From a writer's perspective, it was a great look on how to give a new perspective on an old tale. I still remember this script because of its wondrous set pieces. It wasn't just where the characters were, but how they came up with inventive solutions to old problems.

ex. Up a tree? Let's get down with a flying beast!
ex. Stranded? Nothing like nomads to help a guy out.

WHAT I LEARNED: I feel all tingly when I know I'm part of something bigger. Isn't that what it's all about?

TODAY'S 2nd NUGGET: Gasket Mad

I am about to breathe fire. I'm gasket erupting, grenade throwing, punching a hole in the cubicle mad.

I just read a 120+ pg. script that lacks structure, plot, characters, or dialogue. The only person who has an arc is a minor character. The main characters don't face real obstacles.

Let me lay out the framework: Essentially, a group decides to go on a trip. They plan for the trip. They discuss the trip.

This is not a story, much less a film.

Whoever came up with the concept probably had a bright idea, but not a story. Examples of bright ideas that go nowhere: "Let's go on a road trip!" "Let's bungee jump at midnight!" "Let's eat dirt for fun!"

Furthermore, the story has no legs because 1) there is no central conflict, thus, there is nothing to write about, so, 2) it goes off on meaningless tangents.

WHAT I"VE LEARNED: I feel insulted. I feel disrespected. Every time I crack open a script, I hope this will be the one I can champion. But then I get this kind of treatment?

Makes me not want to take my toys and go home. I do not want to play with you.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Sorry, I'm Feeling lll Today

Today I read a script by a new writer. It's an action flick, studded with graphic violence.

What disturbs me is the level of violence, and gleeful methods to degrade other humans. The description is that this is the "Tarantino style." I don't know exactly what that means, but I've read Tarantino's scripts, and though they are loaded, there is still some cause and effect for the violence. Here, it seems gratuitous.

I don't consider myself to have a queasy stomach, but I feel ill now.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: As terrible as you may think some of the movies in the theater are, trust me, you're glad that some of these never see the light of day.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Prison Escapee Wannabe

Today I was given a contained thriller inspired by a true prisoner escapee story (in the vein of Truman Capote's In Cold Blood).

I have to admit, the title didn't inspire me. There are lots and lots of prison break stories...how was this one going to stand apart?

The script was well paced with characters with significant flaws. The story pushed to Act 3 and had an ending I did not expect. I liked the strong conflict because I knew what the characters wanted. And the dialogue read well.

However (and you knew there was a however), I do not think the writers understood the marketplace for this genre. It's not enough that it's based on a true story, that it's unbelievable a family went through this horror, that there were moments of true heroism.

I thought about how I was going to pitch this to the exec. I didn't know. I couldn't find any hook that differentiated it from the last 10 prison escapee movies....something that's also integral to the plot, not tacked on like more gunfire or explosions.

ex. I recall the trailers for the Shawshank Redemption. Do you remember how they played up the fact that the Tim Robbins character had a secret? It gave something mysterious to the plot that the audience had to uncover. Also, the average moviegoer who didn't like prison movies might still be drawn to the mystery aspect.

ex. The facts of In Cold Blood were shocking for its time. But other than that, Capote, who was known for lighter fare, got so personally invested he didn't write much after that. The prison break was one component, but the aftermath was fascinating as well.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I know you've heard it before, but I need to see something that twists the expectations of the genre.

ex. Maybe a prisoner sets a mouse free outside the prison and it causes the plague. And now the prison is the only safe place. Maybe prisoners who want to stay. Gotta turn the genre inside out.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Your Script vs. The Catalogue in My Brain

BAD NEWS: Christopher Lockhart, story editor at William Morris/Endeavor, states the real truth in his blog:

"Because I’ve read tens of thousands of screenplays, quite a few similar to the one you’re pitching, I’m going to have lots of questions (based on previous scripts I’ve read). I might ask a question about character motivation or story logic. My question might be rooted in various elements that undermined those other screenplays to see how your story avoids the trappings.

Know your story. Have the answers."

GOOD NEWS: I think Billy Mernit has a great explanation of how to know your story & have answers.

"Tip #5: Selling screenplays exude the confidence of knowing what they're about."

"Many times I've seen a student rush to market with a draft that I knew was only half-cooked - that didn't really pulse with a clearly understood subtext. The specs that sell have a peculiar, distinctive feeling and energy - a unique kind of confidence in their storytelling - that tells a reader in no uncertain terms, "I've gone beyond the surface of this story and broken through to what it's really about.""

Does it really happen this way? Yup - I saw it before my eyes this week, both the good & bad.

Script A was about a historical event. I rifled through the catalogue in my brain and remembered turning down a very similar script like it because the character arc was incomplete. I scrutinzed Script A's character arc to see if it was a problem, and unfortunately, it was.

Script B was a vampire script that didn't follow the usual vampire conventions. But the writer nailed the subtext between the male and female leads. I was pleased to see this was not an ordinary tale about the supernatural, but the selfish human side.

WHAT I LEARNED: As a writer, I might not have the catalogue of an exec in my head, but I do have the control to master my script with complete confidence.

*Lockhart blog: http://twoadverbs.blogspot.com/2009/12/some-advice-on-pitching.html
*Mernit blog: http://www.livingromcom.typepad.com/