TODAY'S NUGGET: Il Bidone (The Swindle)(1955) - Don't Be Afraid of the Discomfort of a Confrontation

[Quick Summary: Three con men must deal with the job and family pressures.]

In reading this second of three scripts by Fellini et al.,  I am reminded:
a) that great conflict confronts something the character values (stakes).  
b) do not to shy away when the confrontation gets uncomfortable.  In fact, it's the writer's job is to lead the audience through the discomfort. 

The scene below is an excellent example of a character who tries to "save face" during an uncomfortable confrontation: 
- Roberto, Picasso, and Augusto are con men together.
- Picasso is married to Iris. She has no idea he's a con man.
- Augusto brings Roberto, Picasso, and Iris to Rinaldo's house for a party. 
- Rinaldo is a competing con man and an acquaintance.
- Rinaldo suspects Roberto has stolen a guest's cigarette lighter and pressures him to confess. 
- The stakes are about status.
- Notice how Roberto tries to evade the confrontation and how Rinaldo will not allow him to dodge it (tension).
- Note also that it's the writer's job to put these characters through the situation, not avoid or lessen the discomfort.

Rinaldo's apartment. Night.  

At the door, Iris, Picasso, and Roberto are preparing to leave. Roberto winds a silk scarf around his neck; as he sees Rinaldo, he addresses him with his usual bantering voice and brazen assurance.

ROBERTO:  Oh, here's our hospitable host! ... I was looking for you to thank you for this magnificent evening, and to wish you the very best for the coming year.

IRIS: Thank you.

PICASSO: We really thank you.

RINALDO (staring into Roberto's eyes): Listen ... There's a girl in there that's lost her cigarette case ...

ROBERTO (displaying regret): Really? The poor girl ... I'm sorry ... Of course it's what you'd expect, with all this confusion.

RINALDO: The cigarette case happens to be gold.

ROBERTO: Sorry, I don't understand.

Picasso and Iris hold their breath. Iris still does not fully understand. Picasso looks at Roberto in alarm. Augusto appears just behind Rinaldo, and other people are gathering about. Roberto's bearing is still self-assured.

RINALDO: You don't understand! You didn't happen to find it, did you?  You know, lots of times a person might be thinking of something else and doesn't remember. And then, when they get home, they find it.

He laughs as he stares at Roberto.

ROBERTO: You know, I still don't understand.

Rinaldo laughs again. Another man whispers to him.

MAN: You know this guy's really a scream? 

RINALDO: You know what I'd do if I were you?

ROBERTO: No, what?

RINALDO: I'd start looking for it and I'd find it.

LADY (to the swarthy little man): What's going on?

LITTLE MAN: I have the impression, dear Countess, that somebody's pinched something.

ROBERTO: Listen, the thing is ...  Of course I'd be very glad to do it, but you know, I ... (Augusto is staring severely at Roberto. Roberto glances at him and then feigns aggressive astonishment) What is this anyway? ... What do you want from me? ... Excuse me, what kind of a way to talk is that?

RINALDO (calm, sure of himself): My friend, you got a long way to go ... before you can come play around in here ... The lady wants to smoke - offer her a cigarette, no?

ROBERTO (trying to react once more): You mind telling me what you're driving at?

RINALDO (with icy calm): Come on, make believe you were just joking, no? You say you were joking and everybody'll be happy. (Shouting angrily) Well, you going to tell us you were joking, yes or no?

Roberto looks around. There is an icy pause; then, with a slight smile, he goes over to the woman Rinaldo has indicated, takes the gold cigarette case out of his pocket, opens it and holds it out to her.

ROBERTO: Well, yes, I was joking. (To the lady) You got scared, didn't you? I was just joking.

The lady takes the cigarette case; Rinaldo throws an ironic kiss to Roberto and opens the door.

LADY: Thanks.

ROBERTO: You're welcome. (To Rinaldo) Satisfied?

Rinaldo: My God!

Only slightly embarrassed, Roberto waves broadly to the crowd.

ROBERTO: Happy New Year to everybody!

He departs

RINALDO (turning to Augusto): Augusto, what the hell kind of friends do you have anyway?! And you go around with them too?

Augusto is standing stock-still.

Iris is pale as death.

Picasso is mortified.

They hurry out.

Rinaldo begins to dance with Luciana.

RINALDO: Hey, Lucy, sew up your pockets! 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This scene reminds me that real confrontation is messy and takes time to explain the stakes and tension, i.e., I need to give it more room on the page to breathe than I think. 

Il Bidone (1955)
by  Federico Fellini & Tullio Pinelli
Story by Federico Fellini & Ennio Flaiano & Tullio Pinelli

TODAY'S NUGGET: I Vitelloni (1953) - One Unspoken Way to Reveal an Unplanned Pregnancy Without Feeling Forced

[Quick Summary: A character study of the lives of five young men in a small Italian town.]

I have to admit that I've been reluctant to read more of Federico Fellini's writing because of my previous experience reading 8 1/2 (1963). 

I may have to revisit 8 1/2 after reading today's script,* which was written 10 years earlier.  

I like this script because it feels like real, small town life, yet isn't boring; it moves forward, yet doesn't feel forced. How does that work? It's harder than it looks.

One good example of this is the scene below in which a pregnancy is discovered: 
- Fausto, Moraldo, and Leopoldo are friends and attend a festival together.
- Sandra is Moraldo's sister.
- Fausto is dating Sandra. 
- Sandra enters a beauty pagent at the festival.
- After she has been crowned Miss Siren, she faints.
- Her family calls for a doctor.
- Notice mother's behavior and how it changes from concern to suspicion to accusation. It's all very unspoken and natural, not mannered or forced.

Kursaal hall. Night. 

The doctor leans over Sandra and listens to her heart as Moraldo continues to comfort his still-frightened mother.

MORALDO: Mama, Mama, calm down, calm down. It's nothing.

MOTHER: What d'you mean nothing; look at her!

Fausto makes his way through the crowd in the main hall but stops at the doorway to the little room and looks inquiringly at Leopoldo, who is already stationed there.

LEOPOLDO: Sandra's fainted; she's sick.

The doctor has completed his examination and stands up, silent.

MOTHER (anxiously): Is she better?

She leans over Sandra, who opens her eyes.

SANDRA: Mama!

MOTHER: Darling!

Sandra sees Fausto standing in the doorway. She immediately drops her eyes and suddenly bursts into desperate tears, hiding her face in her hands.

SANDRA (sobbing): I want to die, I want to die

Her mother bends over her and rests her face gently on the girl's hair.

MOTHER: Oh my dear little Sandra, my lovely girl, what are you saying? You want to die just tonight, when you've just become Miss Siren? No, darling, don't say such things, not even as a joke! (Turning to the doctor) Doctor, what's wrong with her?

Fausto, evidently uncomfortable, watches the scene from the doorway. The mother continues to look uncertainly at the doctor as if to elicit an answer. Moraldo is frowning.

MOTHER: Answer!

The doctor looks gravely into the mother's eyes and then at Moraldo.

MANCINELLI (clapping his hands): All right, young folks, everybody out.

At the doctor's words, the mother is struck by a sudden suspicion. She looks first at Moraldo, then at Sandra. Moraldo silently turns to gaze at Fausto.

Fautso, who was about to enter, steps back warily and then makes his way out through the crowd. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Mother's emotions flit from concern to suspicion to accusation at a very fast speed, just based on looks.  

The writers had to be astute observers of character to get Mother's pacing of emotions correct.  They had to be specific and true to life, otherwise the audience will not grasp that we are clocking her unspoken train of thoughts. 

I Vitelloni (1953) 
by  Federico Fellini & Ennio Flaiano
Story by Federico Fellini & Ennio Flaiano & Tullio Pinelli

*Fellini was nominated for 14 Oscars, 8 of which were for writing (including this script and 8 1/2).

TODAY'S NUGGET: Darling (1965) - How Excellent Writing Elevates Character in an "Impersonal Sex Scene"

[Quick Summary: An amoral model who sleeps her way to the top has to face consequences in the Swinging Sixties of London.]

Frederic Raphael is an astute writer who nails character with real panache and nuance. (See my reviews for Two for the Road and This Man, This Woman).

For example, many other writers would describe an "impersonal sex scene" by focusing on characters' beliefs about sex (transactional) and where they are mentally (occupied with other relationships).

But Raphael (who won an Oscar for this script) adds something special: humanity.  

Prior to the scene below:
- Diana, a model, lives with Robert, a tv director.
- She truly cares for Robert, who is difficult sometimes. 
- She has no qualms about a side relationship - only for recreational sex - with Miles, a businessman.
- Diana tracks down Miles at his gym where he was fencing.
- They retreat to his flat for sex.
- See my bolded section below and my comments in brackets.

INT. MILES' BEDROOM. DAY.

Small change, all silver, being stacked with great care on top of the chest of drawers. The money graded through half crowns to a tuppence.

MILES takes a hanger out of the wardrobe where his suits hang in neat rows like executed gentlemen. He takes out a hanger and holds it out.

DIANA's bare arm takes it. The essence of this scene is that the two are never seen embracing or in two-shot. They undress and seduce each other very coolly, in ritual, never as part of a relationship, never in mutual joy. [These bolded sentences impressed me.  2nd sentence: Raphael, who also wrote for tv, is very aware of what the camera (i.e., visuals) can say that dialogue cannot.  By keeping them apart visually, the sex feels impersonal. 3rd sentence: I thought the description exactly nailed the feeling of this sexual seduction. It's also rather ironic. They're here for sex, to feel better, but they're not really engaged with each other or feeling much at all.]

DIANA: I always feel as if there's one more corner to turn...and I'll be there.

MILES: (sitting on a chair, taking off his shoes) And so you will.

DIANA raises a stocking over her head.

DIANA: And there'll be another.

MILES: (taking off his sweater) That's the attraction of corners.

The coverlet is pulled off the bed and neatly folded.

DIANA: I do love Robert, you know. 

MILES: Why not? 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This isn't your typical "impersonal sex scene."  I believe the humanity of these characters, that they're contradictory beings.  It's totally realistic to me that they'd try to keep emotions out of a very emotion filled act.

Darling (1965) 
by Frederic Raphael

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Best Man (1964) - Jabs in the Subtext of a Dialogue Heavy Satire

[Quick Summary: Two candidates - Russell, a ruthless one and Cantwell, a principled one - attempt to solidify the party's nomination for presidency.]

Today's script was written by playwright Gore Vidal, adapted from his own play. 

When the script was published, the editors wrote this interesting observation:

"But essentially the script consists of rather large master scenes only. There are fewer than 100 master scenes, a small number for a feature film, and all involve a considerable dependence, in the script, upon dialogue rather than action or cinematic effects. The result is a fairly long script built around a limited number of settings. For the most part, then, author Vidal leaves the handling of the master scenes in cinematic terms to the director and the crew."  (my own underlining)

Rather than focus on "cinema" and try to expand the world with multiple settings, I thought it was smart that Vidal:
1) kept to the spirit of the play and kept it intimate with limited setting;
2) kept the focus of the script on the duel between these two candidates;
3) avoided the trap of a dialogue heavy script (more "telling" than "showing") with great subtext beneath the surface of the words.

The scene below is a good example (particularly subtext). Prior to this scene:
- Cantwell and Russell are both running for the party's nomination.
- Cantwell is about to concede to Russell, who has released Cantwell's negative medical records to the voters.
- Alice is Russell's wife.
- Note that Russell, who has the upper hand in this scene, is playing games with Cantwell.  He's trying to rile Cantwell with jabs in the subtext.

INT. CONVENTION ROOM 2

Aide gives Cantwell a note; he glances at it perfunctorily.

RUSSELL (gaily): Hi, Joe! Long time no see!

CANTWELL: Yes . .  Mrs. Russell, I'm Joe Cantwell . . . I don't think we've met.

Cantwell shakes Alice's hand. 

ALICE: How do you do. 

RUSSELL: I thought you would be busy working on your acceptance speech. Or is it already written?

CANTWELL (begins): Now, Bill, as I see the picture. . .

RUSSELL: I've been working for months on my acceptance speech, trying to strike that delicate balance between humility and confidence.

CANTWELL: Yes. Now as I see this convention . . . 

RUSSELL: You of course have a gift for hitting the right note.

CANTWELL: Yes. . .

RUSSELL: I like the way you always manage to state the obvious with a sense of real discovery.

CANTWELL: Yes. Now, Bill . . .

RUSSELL: And that wonderful trick you have of . . .

CANTWELL (exploding): Bill, at least let me get one word in edgewise!

RUSSELL (laughs): I'm sorry, Joe. I couldn't resist it. (to the others) I was using Joe's technique: never let the other man get started. Talk right through him. Also, whenever Joe starts a sentence with "Now Bill" . . . you know he's up to no good.

CANTWELL (quickly): Now, Bill . . .

RUSSELL: See?

Cantwell controls himself with some difficulty. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Though the filmmakers could take care of the cinema part, they needed the writer Vidal to do what they could not, i.e., bring the inter-personal dynamics, set the stage, include the subtext in dialogue.

The Best Man (1964)(8/28/63 final shooting script)
by Gore Vidal
Based on his play 

TODAY'S NUGGET: A Hard Day's Night (1964) - The Importance of Giving Non-Actor Protagonists (The Beatles) Something Interesting to Do (Character)

[Quick Summary: The Beatles try to keep themselves - and Paul's grandfather - out of trouble while getting ready for a tv performance.}

What kind of script works for super-duper famous musicians who aren't actors? 

Today's script tackles that task, as it was written for the four Beatles as they hit their stride in 1964.* (And it must've worked well, as it's an Oscar nominated script!) 

I think the trick of this script was that:
-  It gave each of the four guys something to do. Each one has his own mini-story within the larger story.
- The guys poke fun at their fame and don't take themselves seriously.
- It doesn't require the musicians to be actors.
- It puts the guys in quirky situations that the average guy would also find amusing.

For example, in the scene below: 
- George is looking for Ringo and goes into a building across from the theater labeled "Canteen and Executive Office."
- Simon, the executive, doesn't know who George is or that he's famous. 
- Simon thinks George is an actor who is giving his opinion on clothes for teenagers.
- The irony is that Simon dismisses George's opinions as irrelevant, though George actually could have a lot of sway over Simon's customers.

INTERIOR OFFICE 

...A Collection of shirts is produced and GEORGE looks at them. While he is doing this SIMON briefs him.

SIMON: You'll like these. You really "dig" them. They're "fab" and all the other pimply hyperboles.

GEORGE: I wouldn't be seen dead in them. They're dead grotty.

SIMON: Grotty?

GEORGE: Yeah, grotesque.

SIMON (to Secretary): Make a note of that word and give it to Susan. I think it's rather touching really. Here's this kid trying to give me his utterly valueless opinion when I know for a fact within four weeks he'll be suffering from a violent inferiority complex and loss of status if he isn't wearing one of these nasty things. Of course they're grotty, you wretched nit, that's why they were designed but that's what you'll want.

GEORGE: But I won't.

SIMON: You can be replaced you know, chicky baby.

GEORGE: I don't care.

SIMON: And that pose is out too, Sunny Jim. The new thing is to care passionately, and be right wing. Anyway, you wont' meet Susan if you don't cooperate. 

GEORGE: And who's this Susan when she's at home?

SIMON (playing his ace): Only Susan Compey, our resident teenager. You'll have to love her. She's your symbol.

GEORGE: Oh, you mean that posh bird who gets everything wrong?

SIMON: I beg your pardon?

GEORGE: Oh, yes, the lads frequently gather round the T.V. set to watch her for a giggle. Once we even all sat down and wrote these letters saying how gear she was and all that rubbish.

SIMON: She's a trend setter. It's her profession!

GEORGE: She's a drag. A well-known drag. We turn the sound down on her and say rude things.

SIMON: Get him out of here!!

GEORGE (genuinely surprised): Have I said something amiss? 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This script showed me that one interesting thing you can do for non-actors is to put them into situations where they have to react as average people, not famous people.

A Hard Day's Night (1964) 
by Alun Owen

*A short time line to give you context:
- 1960: The Beatles started as a group.
- February, 1964: They appear on The Ed Sullivan Show in the U.S. 
- March -April, 1964: This film was shot.
- July, 1964: This film premiered.

 

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Defiant Ones (1958) - How Does an Oscar Winning Script Build Up to an Unexpected Turn/Twist?

[Quick Summary: Two chained prisoners, one black, one white, escape and have to work together to get to freedom.]

How does one craft an unexpected turn in a script?

In this Oscar winning script,* I noticed that the turns were built on a hope-fear-hope-fear rhythm.

For example, in the scene below: 
- Two prisoners, Cullen and Jackson, are shackled together and have been on the run for days. 
- Cullen is white. Jackson is black.
- They come across a single woman and her son.
- They hold the woman at gun point and send the son to fetch a chisel and hammer.
- The scene begins in fear: These men have been through a lot in prison, don't like each other, and are chained together.
- The scene turns hopeful: They final get the shackles off.
- Fear strikes again out of nowhere: They've been so afraid of their pursuers (external), the last thing they thought would trip them up is their bodies (internal). 

INT. CABIN -- FULL SHOT

...Jackson lays his wrist on the stone and holds the chisel over the cuff. Three ringing blows and the iron falls off his wrist.

CULLEN: Now me.

They exchange instruments. Jackson aims carefully. One smash and the iron separates. Jackson looks at Cullen and grins sickly. Cullen reaches for the gun. Both men measure each other. 

CULLEN (licks his lips): We cut loose now.

Jackson's grin fades. His eye hood. Without warning, he drops the hammer, staggers Cullen catches him and carries him to the  bed..  

 WOMAN: What's the matter with him?

CULLEN: He's sick. Got poison in his system. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The fear-hope-fear-hope rhythm is a good tool to keep the story going. The suspense can hide an unexpected upcoming turn/twist. 

The Defiant Ones (1958) 
by  Nathan E. Douglas and Harold Jacob Smith
Based upon the story, "The Long Road," by Douglas and Smith

*FYI: This film was nominated in 9 times, including the first nomination for an African American actor for Sydney Poitier.

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Misfits (1961) - A Really Great "Willow-O'-the- Wisp" Role for Marilyn Monroe

[Quick Summary: A recent divorcee attracts three very different men in Reno, NV.]

One thing that isn't often mentioned about this film is that playwright Arthur Miller wrote Marilyn Monroe a really great character in the part of Roslyn.*

(I do imagine it didn't help Monroe that her husband (Miller) had written her a role is about a divorcee, and she was about to become one in reality.)

Roslyn is fully fleshed out.  On the one hand, she's effervescent, a "willow o' the wisp," and a fun charmer.

On the other hand, her emotional honesty can be rather blunt.  She dips in and out of humor as well as emotional quagmires with amazing dexterity. 

Prior to the scene below:
- Roslyn got a divorce and is now staying with Isabelle. 
- Roslyn meets Guido, who falls for her, and Gay, who's not as impressed.
- Roslyn wants to leave Reno for the countryside.
- Guido suggests the four of them go out to see his house in the country.
- Guido built the house for his wife, who died in the house giving birth 
- In the scene below, the foursome have just arrived at Guido's house.
- The house is half built, and overrunning with weeds.
- There's no front steps. The door is a few feet above the ground.  
- Guido has just said his wife wasn't like Roslyn, not graceful. Roslyn adds "She's dead."

Guido, struck with guilt and wounded by some aspersions on his fidelity to a previously hallowed wife, tries to keep his grin and the gay mood, but his eyes are resentful, and he halts. On the couch, Gay and Isabelle are observing, eating sandwiches and drinking, sensing something serious now.

GUIDO (Trying to laugh at her): What do you mean by that?

ROSLYN (She stays close to him looking up into his face): Whyn't you teach her to be graceful?

GUIDO: You can't teach that.

ROSLYN: How do you know? I mean you do you know? I mean did you ever dance that way with your wife? 

GUIDO: Well she just couldn't make that kind of . . . 

ROSLYN: You see? She died, and she never knew how you could dance! I mean it's nobody's fault, but to a certain extent -- (She holds thumb and index finger a half inch apart) -- I mean just to a certain extent maybe you were strangers.

GUIDO (Defensively; hardening): I don't feel like discussing my wife. 

ROSLYN (she takes his arm -- the jazz is going, she is high now): Oh! I didn't mean to make you mad. I just meant that if you loved her you could have taught her anything. Because we have to die, we're really dying right now, aren't we? All the husbands and all the wives are dying every minute, and they are not teaching one another what they really know! (Genuinely trying to plead with him) You're such a nice man, Guido -- why are you so afraid?! (She wipes her hair out of her eyes to blot out the sight of his resentful face, and suddenly . . . ) I want air! (She goes quickly to the door and starts to step out. GAY rushes from the couch and catches her before she goes down where the step is missing. ISABELLE rushes right behind him. GAY, holding her. . .) 

GAY: You better lie down, girl.

ISABELLE: Come on, let's get back home. Heist her down, Cowboy. 

ROSLYN: No, I'm all right, I'm all  . . . ! (She starts once again to walk out the door. GAY leaps down to the ground and SHE falls into his arms standing up. She looks into his face, laughing in surprise at her sudden drop) How'd you get out here?

ISABELLE (Calling from the threshold): Get me down, Cowboy! Get in the car, Roslyn! -- we're goin' home! 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I marveled at that Miller didn't betray Roslyn's effervescence while allowing for great emotional dexterity. It would be so easy to favor one way or the other. 

The Misfits (1961)
by Arthur Miller

*Things that are often said about this film:
- It was the last film for Marilyn Monroe and Clark Gable.
- Both passed away shortly after the film. 
- It was written for Monroe by her husband, the playwright Arthur Miller.
- Monroe did not enjoy filming. 
- She and Miller were having problems and would divorce after the film wrapped. 

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Day After Tomorrow (unproduced) - An Effective Use of "SAME TIME" and "CUT TO:" for Clarity, Tempo

[Quick Summary: After he spots the man who killed his father, a traumatized surgeon goes on the run to pursue the killer.]

Writers Clement and la Frenais are well-known for their humor, but I have also enjoyed their action chops. 

Today's script has great action that's easy to follow, even though there are multiple, simultaneous story arcs.  I wasn't ever lost or confused.  How did they do it? 

As I read, I noticed two helpful sets of transition words that I tend to forget to use*: 

1) Using SAME TIME - This was sort of a "hold the main arc for a minute, we're taking a side trip" reminder to me.

 2) Using "CUT TO:" - When reading at full speed, I didn't pay much attention to this.  Looking back, I do think it's very helpful as a rhythm thing, to unconsciously flag that there was going to be a switch in tempo. 

The scene below is a good example that uses both these transitions: 
- Paul was a child, when Kanarack killed Paul's father.
- Paul saw Kanarack in their house and never forgot Kanarack's face.
- Paul hires a p.i. who tracks down Kanarack and the location of his house. 
- Paul goes into Kanarack's house to find proof this is the right guy.
- Try reading this scene at full speed first.  Then re-read it, noticing that "SAME TIME" and "CUT TO" are subtle clues to changes of POV and tempo.
- Also notice that despite the multiple arcs, there is clarity because there is unity of action: Paul is trespassing in Kanarack's house. Kanarack is after Paul. Someone is shooting at them both. 

EXT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE

The Jaguar pulls up the driveway...Kanarack climbs out. Sees the broken window.

                                                                   CUT TO: 

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- CLOSET

Paul rummages in a FOOTLOCKER...Packets of MONEY in various CURRENCIES...Paul finds a plastic ENVELOPE...Opens it as he moves to the bedroom to read them in the daylight... 

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- KITCHEN

As Kanarack enters the kitchen, the cat SCURRIES OUTSIDE...Kanarack listens intently as he tiptoes inside...Slowly, quietly he opens a drawer...Finds a CHEF'S KNIFE...Knife at the ready, he tiptoes inside...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- BEDROOM

As Paul moves to access the daylight from the windows, he riffles through the DOCUMENTS in the plastic envelope...PASSPORTS with several different IDENTITIES, all with Kanarack's photo...Also DRIVER'S LICENSES...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- STAIRS

Brandishing the knife, Kanarack moves slowly up the stairs...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. BEDROOM

As Paul continues to go through the documents, something catches his eye. His brow furrows, puzzled... 

A DIPLOMATIC PASSPORT issued by the government of SYRIA, with Kanarack's photo and a phony identity...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME KANARACK'S HOUSE

POV -- THROUGH TELESCOPIC SIGHT

Following Paul through the lace curtains of the bedroom windows...A SNIPER, 20s, Palestinian, on a nearby rooftop...The CROSSHAIRS line up over Paul's HEAD...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- BEDROOM

Paul looks at the Syrian passport, thinks a beat...Glances out the window...He pulls the curtain back for a better look...

PAUL'S POV

As the CAT plays on the front lawn...

CLOSE ON -- PAUL

Wondering...How did the cat get on the front lawn... He realizes...That Kanarack is INSIDE THE HOUSE...Just as... 

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE 

...The SNIPER pulls on the trigger of his silenced .580 SNIPER'S RIFLE...PFFFFFT!...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. BEDROOM

Paul TURNS inside just as the glass SHATTERS...A floral pillow EXPLODES in feathers as the headboard of the bed behind it SPLINTERS..

Terrified, Paul THROWS himself to the floor... 

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- STAIRS

Kanarack hears the noise of the impact, the thud of Paul's body as it falls...He FREEZES on the stairs... 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When I write, these transitions seem clunky, sticking out like sore thumbs. However, when I read, they establish a tempo, so they aren't as noticeable, more like background players.

Also: unity in an action scene helps keep multiple story arcs from being confusing. 

The Day After Tomorrow (unproduced)
by  Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais

* I visualize these transitions like bowling alley gutter bumpers that keep kids' bowling balls on track (photo example here).

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Bank Job (2008) - Is It Ok to Open With Literary Quotes? (Openings)

[Quick Summary: In 1971 England, three average blokes are hired by old school friend Martine to tunnel into a bank, but her reasons are not what they expected.]

Q: Is a literary quote at the beginning of a script ok?
A: Generally, I don't like them because it slows me down getting into a script. 

Q: Is there any occasion when it is effective?
A: Today's script is one of those rare occasions because:
- The purpose is the irony, which produces a laugh.
- You don't have to understand the quote to get the irony, only the contrast of the two quotes.
- It is short.
 

Here is the first page:  

 ON a Black Screen we fade in:

                           'There is a tide in the affairs of men
                    which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune.'

                                                       William Shakespeare

                           'Every dog has his day - even the underdog.'

                                             Some bloke in a pub in Battersea 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The use of the literary quotes is effective here because it's an unexpected use of them.  We are not supposed to be impressed by the quotes, but the contrast between them. This different point of view is part of the writers' comedic and ironic voice. 

The Bank Job (2008)(1/3/01 draft)
by Dick Clement & Ian La Frenais 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Full Moon (Unproduced) - What A "Very British Sense of Humor" Looks Like on the Page

[Quick Summary: After a fictional young New Yorker flies to the UK for adventure, he becomes a minder to over-the-top Keith Moon, drummer of The Who band.]

What characterizes British humor?  Here's part of an essay from British comedian Ricky Gervais that was helpful to me: 

I would say that Americans are more “down the line.” They don’t hide their hopes and fears. They applaud ambition and openly reward success. Brits are more comfortable with life’s losers. We embrace the underdog until it’s no longer the underdog. We like to bring authority down a peg or two. Just for the hell of it. Americans say, “have a nice day” whether they mean it or not. Brits are terrified to say this. We tell ourselves it’s because we don’t want to sound insincere but I think it might be for the opposite reason. We don’t want to celebrate anything too soon. Failure and disappointment lurk around every corner. This is due to our upbringing. Americans are brought up to believe they can be the next president of the United States. Brits are told, “It won’t happen for you.” 

Today's script (unproduced) is written by the UK writing team of Dick Clement & Ian la Frenais,* who are best known for their trademark British sense of humor.** 

It's a good example of British humor around one of "life's losers." Keith Moon is ultra famous, but  brings self-destructive anarchy wherever he goes. 

In the scenes below:
- Dougal is the protagonist of the film, and Moon's minder/assistant.
- Moon has a house in Malibu next door to the actor Steve McQueen.
- Moon has become such a nuisance that McQueen built a fence between them.
- Moon is upset that McQueen would want a fence.
-  He decides to "bring authority down a peg or two, just for the hell of it." 
- The irony is that: 1) because Moon insists on a life of continual excess, booze, drugs, and partying that he's lost touch with normal social customs; 2) what Moon wants is connection with McQueen, but his actions isolate himself even more.

 

EXT. MCQUEEN HOUSE   POOLSIDE   DAY

A Hispanic Maid walks from the house with a tray containing a beer and a club sandwich. The fence is finished between the two properties and there's SILENCE except for seagulls and surf. There's a figure lying in a lounger by the side of the pool. We can't see a face as it's concealed by a script called 'The Towering Inferno'. 

EXT. MOONIE'S HOUSE   YARD   DAY

Moonie is astride a vintage British Triumph motorcycle, still wearing the German uniform. 

As we CUT WIDE we reveal that a ramp has been erected leading straight toward his neighbor's fence.

Moonie puts the bike in gear, makes a wide circle, then throttles back and heads it toward the ramp.

EXT. MCQUEEN'S HOUSE   POOLSIDE   DAY

From McQueen's POV we see the motor cycle fly into view, just clearing the top of the fence. in SLOW MOTION it sails through the air, accompanied by the main theme from 'The Great Escape.'. 

It completes its triumphant arc, landing in the swimming pool with a roar and a hiss of bubbling water and oil. There's a pause before Moonie's grinning face breaks the surface.

MOONIE: The Great Escape, Steve, one of your finest.

INT. MOONIE'S HOUSE    KTICHEN    DAY

Dougal gets himself a beer from the ice box. Moonie sits at the kitchen table, rolling himself a joint. He's in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt.

MOONIE: I thought he'd be amused. I was paying homage to the prick! I thought we'd crack a few Coors and talk motorbikes. There's nothing to eat in the house, where have you been? [The irony is that Moonie is offended that McQueen didn't think the stunt was funny. Also, the concerns of an average person - the cost, the embarrassment - doesn't seem to faze him.]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I felt the bittersweetness of the British irony.  I empathized with what Moon wanted (connection) yet abhorred his actions (destructive).

Full Moon (unproduced)(1/31/97, 3rd draft)
by Dick Clement & Ian la Frenais 

* You may not know the names, but you've probably seen their tv/film work (full list here). 

**The story goes that their trademark British humor was so well regarded that they were brought in to punch up the humor on The Rock (1996) before actor Sean Connery would sign on:

Instead, they [Clement and la Frenais] needed to go in and add more humour, and to make the character of John Mason more British. If anything, more Bond. The lack of Britishness had been one of Connery’s key objections to the original screenplay, and it needed addressing. They got to work, and they concentrated on fleshing the character of Mason out. One example contribution is a conversation at the end of the film’s second act, where Connery’s Mason explains, “I was special services. Military intelligence. They taught me to be a killer. In retrospect, I’d sooner have been a poet or a farmer. Which I consider infinitely more honourable professions.” 

TODAY'S NUGGET: It Takes Two (a.k.a. Househusbands)(1988) - Don't Be Afraid of Longer Character Descriptions in a Comedy

[Quick Summary: After two complete opposites are paired up on the neighborhood watch, they have to pull together to deal with dead bodies and a drug cartel.]

I was attracted to this script because of its original title, "Househusbands."  Unfortunately, the story didn't stick with me for long afterwards.*

However, I did like how the writers characterized the characters so you'll remember them. They're descriptive and fun to read, and carry the point without forcing it.  

Most importantly, I felt something when I read them.  

For example:

1) This character seems to shout "Stay away!"

ex. "Duncan is an extremely cheap looking girl, about twenty. Her hair is ratted; clothes black leather. Lipstick the color of exposed lung-tissue. Eye makeup...not even Stephen King has the balls to write about. Lewd knuckle tattoos, mantlepiece breasts and hickeys all over her neck and chest.  Right now, she has the passenger visor down and is analyzing Dale's reflection on the clip-on mirror."

2) This character seems to have secrets beneath the surface. 

ex. "Otto almost smiles. His eighty rounds per second sense of humor working." 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Fun is key in comedies, so don't be afraid to give character descriptions more space on the page if you need it.  

I have a bad habit of short changing the descriptions, favoring utility over a fully rounded character. I need to remember that some characters just need more space.

It Takes Two (a.k.a. Househusbands)(1988)(8/16/88 1st draft)
by Thomas Szollosi and Richard Christian Matheson

*I haven't seen the finished film, but it seems to be very different than this first draft.  

TODAY'S NUGGET: State of Play (2009) - Multiple Causes of Urgency Within a Scene

[Quick Summary: A journalist (whose college friend is now a current Congressman) investigates the suspicious death of the Congressman's mistress.]

Continual threats to life and limb gets exhausting after awhile in thrillers. 

Thus, I was interested to see what else today's script would do differently. It's not a perfect script,* but I liked that there was creative use of urgency.

For example, the scene below has layers.  It's not just about Cal escaping the elevator, but that he's found the killer and needs to let someone know.

Just prior to this scene:
- Cal has a photo of the killer, Bingham, and traces it back to the latter's apartment.
- Cal recognizes Bingham at the door and they briefly exchange pleasantries. 
- Cal backs off and gets in the elevator.
- Also note: This is a turning point scene that occurs on p. 79 of 125, not earlier at the midpoint, nor later at the climax.

INT. COMPLEX ELEVATOR -- NIGHT

CAL with the phone. Doors closing and...Signal loss. 

CAL: Shit!

CAL descending. 5...4...3...  Chunk.

It has stopped. Everything suddenly black. then, a moment later, an emergency light powers on. But the car isn't moving.

CAL trapped. Coincidence? Can't be. Fuck...

Pulling his phone -- saving it around the car -- searching for a signal -- there, up by the ceiling, a flicker.

CAL (PHONE)(CONT'D): Jimmy. Cal McAffrey...just tell Bell I've found the killer. Five-sixty-six, Jasper Avenue. Five-six-six Jasper! I need cops. I need cops here immediately!

CAL perched on the railing -- wedged near the ceiling -- bent like a contortionist to hang with the signal and --

THE ELEVATOR jolts! -- power on -- CAL falling hard to the floor -- barely catching his breath as the elevator drops a few feet before stopping suddenly and -- 

THE DOORS OPEN TO

INT. COMPLEX LOBBY -- DAY

An empty lobby. CAL steps out cautiously. Did Bingham take the stairs? 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked that this wasn't the run-of-the-mill "I must escape" type of urgency.  There's a different purpose and consequences if Cal fails. 

State of Play (2009)(11/1/07 draft with revisions)
by Matthew Michael Carnahan
Revisions by Tony Gilroy, Peter Morgan, Billy Ray
Based on the BBC miniseries created by Paul Abbott

* I was confused by the ending on the page. I think it was trying to connect a lot of dots in a short period of time.  I note that this film was an adaptation of a BBC tv mini-series that ran 6 episodes, so perhaps it was trying to condense too much into a 2 hr. film?

TODAY'S NUGGET: Duplicity (2009) - Why Do I Believe the Chemistry (& Fireworks) Between These Characters?

[Quick Summary: Two industrial spies, who are in a secret love affair, are on opposite sides of a case.]

Tony Gilroy writes scripts that actors want to play. 

Why? One reason is because the chemistry between characters has real conflict and interesting dynamics.  I want to see how these fireworks resolve.  

For example, in the scene below: 
- Ray is being followed.
- His work buddy, Dale, is watching his back. They're on the phone together, trying to figure out  who is following Ray.
- In Grand Central Station, Ray recognizes Claire. He follows her into a store.
- Notice how FAST the writer gets us into the action. Ray blows by the usual "hi how are you" --> straight into his beef with Claire. 
- The audience sees Ray's behavior and realizes (without being told) that Ray and Claire know each other. Only someone familiar would bypass the usual greetings.
- Also: the suspense draws me in (WHY is he so mad?).
- Also: the provocative, snappy dialogue keeps me reading ("You charm me. Seduce me. Screw me.")

INT. SAKS FIFTH AVENUE -- DAY

... CLAIRE blinks. But she's a big girl. It's a public place...

CLAIRE: Look, seriously, I don't know you think I am, but wh-

RAY: You charm me. Seduce me. Screw me. Then you dope me and ransack my hotel room. (he still can't believe it) And how sick is this? Last thing I remember before I passed out whs how much I liked you.

CLAIRE: I'm sorry...I just...you don't look crazy, which is the only reason I'm not screaming for a security guard, but --

RAY: I can't believe you're going this way. 

CLAIRE: Is this...(glancing around) ...it's a joke, right?

RAY: You have any idea how far my ass was hanging out because of you?

CLAIRE: Is this? Are you selling something? What are you selling?

RAY: I got up the next morning, went back to the consulate and practically crawled over glass to get a copy of the guest list. Then I spent the next twenty-four hours trying to figure out if you were working for MOSSAD, the Syrians, or the Russians.

CLAIRE: Really...(maybe he is crazy) And who was it?

RAY: Still working for the C.I.A.? (like he nailed her) We're supposed to be on the same side, Theresa. Which was a lousy cover name for you, by the way -- you're not a THeresa. 

CLAIRE: What the hell are you talking about?

RAY: American Consulate. Dubai. You and me. Fourth of July, 2003.

CLAIRE: You are crazy (Does this ever work?)

RAY: We were drinking red, white and blue Margaritas. I had a knee brace. You had a toe ring -- first toe ring I ever saw, by the way.

CLAIRE: If you follow me, I'll scream.

And she's walking -- fast -- back the way she came -- back into the Perfume Jungle, and he's right on her ass --

...RAY: Come on... you don't want security any more than I do.

CLAIRE: You're right, I want the cops.

RAY: They're gonna want your name.

CLAIRE: Leave me alone! (wheeling on him and --)

HER PURSE -- the strap catching his arm -- tearing -- THE BAG SPILLING OPEN TO THE FLOOR and --

CLAIRE: -- look -- look what you did! --

CLAIRE dropping -- grabbing at the stuff that's spilled --

CLAIRE: --get away -- just -- you hear me? --

RAY: Oh no...

And the way he said it -- the way he looks -- something fundamental has shifted here suddenly --

RAY: You?

There -- at his feet -- her keys -- a KEYCHAIN -- a little Rubik's cube (Eight ball? Troll?) keychain and --

RAY: You? You're the drop...(pulling an identical keychain from his pocket --) I'm ...

CLAIRE: You? You're the meet? (yup) No... 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I believed the chemistry because they're both continuing to engage in the fight, trying to get what they want, even though something isn't adding up. Ray wants answers and Claire wants to avoid him. 

Duplicity (2009)(undated)
by Tony Gilroy

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Bourne Ultimatum (2007) - The Devil IS in the Details (Twist)

[Quick Summary: Bourne, a guy on the run with amnesia, goes back to his roots to find out how he became an assassin.]

Though the Bourne films varied for me,* all the scripts are good to excellent.  

I admire the writers for continuing to find ways to create new obstacles for Bourne.   It's tough to surprise today's audiences, who are often wise to genre tropes.  

Thrillers have a lot of fast paced action, but I'm always impressed when there's a twist that relies more on brains than brawn. 

For example, today's script had a small, clever detail that snuck by me. 

Yes, it's a small, but the devil IS in the details, isn't it?

EXT. UPPER EAST SIDE -- LATE AFTERNOON

Bourne exits from the subway. Bourne walks north.

INT. HUB

Wills pacing...Bourne's profile is up on Screen 2. It says "David Webb (AKA Jason Bourne)" on the profile.  A tech comes to Wills.

TECH: Sir, this may be nothing but, look at Bourne's birthday.

Wills looks at the profile. Bourne's birthdate is listed as 9/13/70.

WILLS: What about it?

TECH: Well, Landy told Bourne his birthday was 4/15/71 so...

Wills gets it instantly.

WILLS: Everything stops. (to the room now) EVERYTHING STOPS! LISTEN UP! (they're listening) New assignment. Numbers. Four.  Fifteen. Seventy-one. What do they mean?

Wills grabs his headset --

EXT. CRASH SITE -- DAY

A CRI agent approaches Vosen.

CRI AGENT: Landy gave Bourne a false birthday. Wills thinks it's a code. 

It sinks in for Vosen...oh...shit... 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  I liked this twist because it relied on observation, not having superior gadgets. 

The Bourne Identity (2007)(final shooting script, 7/20/2007)
by Tony Gilroy and Scott Z. Burns and George Nolfi
Story by Tony Gilroy
Based on the novels by Robert Ludlum and Universal's "The Bourne Identity" and "The Bourne Ultimatum"

* How I ranked the Bourne films:
- Bourne Identity: It's the freshest and most original.
- Bourne Supremacy: I wanted to see what happened to Marie.  
- Bourne Utlimatum: I'd lost patience with the "guy on the run with amnesia."   

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Bourne Supremacy (2007) - How to Ratchet Up Tension? Don't Forget the EXIT

[Quick Summary: Bourne and Marie are on the run once again.]

There are a lot of articles on how to INCREASE tension, but fewer on how to EXIT. 

Is the exit important? Yes, because tension relies on emotions rising and falling.  If it stayed high at all times, it would be very exhausting and also boring.

In these Bourne films, I like the exits because they demonstrate the necessity of the emotional release before the next round of tension. 

For example, in the scene below:
- The CIA is chasing Bourne.  
- Bourne is starting to remember things and who he is.
- Bourne calls the CIA for a meeting because he "wants to come in." 
- Bourne demands the CIA send in Nicky, someone he trusts.
- Nicky is a psychologist who helped Bourne with his meds and psychology on his last mission. 
- When they meet, Bourne demands Nicky confirm things in his file. 
- The scene exits with a show of mercy and emotional self-control.
- The exit lets the tension out, but also leaves us with more questions.
- Because there's a reprieve, we're ready for the next round of tension.

INT. PARKING GARAGE -- DAY

...BOURNE: For Treadstone. In Berlin. You know my file. I did a job here. When?

NICKY: No. You never worked Berlin.

BOURNE: My first job.

NICKY: Your first assignment was Geneva.

BOURNE: That's a lie!

NICKY (emphatic): You never worked Berlin...

BOURNE raising the gun -- eyes gone dead -- oh, shit...

NICKY (CONT'D): No...Jason...please...

BOURNE: I was here!

NICKY: ...it's not in the file...I swear...I know your file...your first job was Geneva! ...I swear to God you never worked here!...

He's so ready to kill her. NICKY starting to cry -- hands over her face -- covering up -- bracing for the bullet she knows is coming --

BOURNE -- about to pull the trigger --

SUDDENLY

FLASHBACK! -- a moment -- a shard -- A WOMAN'S FACE -- backing away -- begging -- begging us -- begging the camera -- PLEADING FOR HER LIFE IN RUSSIAN -- this awful blur of desperation and panic -- fear -- too fast -- too panicked --

JAM BACK TO  

BOURNE swamped -- thrown -- hesitating --  [I particularly liked this line because it shows Bourne's growth, as well as emotional self-control.]

CLOSE ON NICKY 

Sobbing now -- when? -- finally looking out, and --

BOURNE IS GONE! 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I think how you exit a scene is as important as how you enter because they (the exits) are transitions to the next round of emotions. 

The Bourne Supremacy (2004)(9/17/03 draft, revised)
by Tony Gilroy and Brian Helgeland
Based on the novel by Robert Ludlum and the 2002 Universal Film "The Bourne Identity"

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Bourne Identity (2002) - In the Suspense Genre, Danger = Possibility of Failure

[Quick Summary: A man waking up with amnesia realizes that he's an assassin.] 

What is the difference between:
a) the Suspense genre and 
b) regular suspense that is found in all stories?

According to one Hitchcock quote, the Suspense genre is marked by danger, and I always find interesting in HOW various writers include it.  

For instance, writer Tony Gilroy brought fresh life to the tired suspense genre in the Bourne adaptations by making the audience feel the danger to the protagonist.

The scene below is from a first draft:
- The "Professor" is chasing Bourne and Marie. 
- Notice how your eye keeps moving because the stakes are high and there's a real possibility of failure. 
- Also notice that the tension lies in the maybes: Maybe Bourne will get caught and we'll never get answers. Or Marie will die and he'll lose connection to the world.

THE METRO PLATFORM

The PROFESSOR lands on the other side -- both racing down the platform -- PROFESSOR tearing up the wall behind them and -- HERE COMES  A TRAIN -- on BOURNE and MARIE's side -- traveling the opposite way -- temporary refuge.  Not for long -- there's no way out on this end of the platform. They skid to a halt -- just as --

THE TRAIN DOORS OPEN -- STARTLED STRAPHANGERS  stare at BOURNE and MARIE as they stop onto the platform -- take off running.

THE PROFESSOR has to turn his bike around. He's quick -- but it gives BOURNE and MARIE a two second head start.

BOURNE and MARIE almost at the other end of the platform -- gunfire ripping up the windows behind them. Gonna go for the steps -- be here come --

THE ANGRY COPS -- remember them? -- the ones who took the ride down the steps -- they're firing now and --

BOURNE and MARIE turn back -- the PROFESSOR is firing and there is only one option -- 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  What undergirds danger is the possibility of failure, which requires the push-pull of tension. 

I also think this story's frame work lends itself to suspense because it's the ultimate life or death situation, survival of the fittest. 

The Bourne Identity (2002)(9/20/00 Paris draft)
by Tony Gilroy and William Blake Herron
Based on the novel by Robert Ludlum 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Proof of Life (2000) - One Way to Express Jeopardy (Hope-Fear-Hope-Fear)

[Quick Summary: In South America, an American wife hires a negotiator to arrange for the release of her husband, an engineer who was kidnapped.]

Q: How do you make the audience feel for the protagonist in an action thriller?
A: Danger and personal stakes are well worn tropes.

Q: But I have a dangerous situation in my script and it doesn't work. Why?
A: Perhaps there isn't enough jeopardy, i.e., the possibility that the protagonist could lose.

Q: Could you give me a good example of this see-sawing feeling?
A: I think Tony Gilroy scripts do a great job of making the audience feel they're constantly on the back foot and never assured of success.

For example, today's script stacks the deck against us:
- It is set in a foreign location where language and culture are barriers.  
- A crime (kidnapping) has occurred to Alice's husband, a civil engineer.   
- Alice has no experience with terrorists.
- Her only hope is Terry is a hardened, experienced negotiator, who at one point, walks away from helping her.
- A more specific example is the scene below, which happens early in the script to start us realizing that  the margin of error is very thin in Terry's job.
- Here, Terry has just made the trade for the hostage, Lenoir.
- Notice how the hope-fear-hope-fear that doesn't let the reader off the hook easily.
- Also notice that how this scene establishes Terry's ability and credibility.

 

TERRY'S JEEP -- THE LOCAL DRIVER -- stuck in the mud -- panic making it worse - -just finding traction as TRACER ROUNDS tear into him and --

THE TWO CHECHEN TANKS searching for targets --

TERRY still coming -- waving a sidearm at THE CHOPPER PILOT -- "don't move!" -- dragging LENOIR in under the rotors -- [We are hoping Terry will succeed.]

A RUSSIAN JEEP EXPLODING behind them and --

INSIDE THE CHOPPER  -- total chaos -- LENOIR scrambling in -- THE PILOT SCREAMING IN SLAVIC -- he's freaking out -- pulling up already -- too soon because -- [Fear: Oh no! Don't go!]

TERRY hasn't cleared the threshold -- tossed back -- head slammed against the door as he falls -- rocked -- grabbing at the doorframe -- hanging there! -- nothing but instinct keeping him from falling and -- [Hope: He's hanging in there.]

THE GROUND pulling away and --

LENOIR reaching for TERRY -- trying -- but THE PILOT -- there's something wrong -- something new -- no time -- suddenly he's jerking the stick and --

THE CHOPPER spilling sharply to one side and --

TERRY falling -- falling into the cockpit and -- [Fear: Oh noooo!]

WHOOOOOSK! -- AN ANTI-TANK ROCKET -- a blur -- already on them -- already past -- they've been hit! -- creased -- A LANDING SKID torn away from the undercarriage! -- the helicopter tilting -- overreacting -- stalling -- for a moment it looks like they're beating it in and -- 

THE PILOT fighting to keep it up -- CURSING AND SPUTTERING IN SLOVAK -- LENOIR rolling on the floor in pain -- his bandaged hand crushed in the turbulence and --  [Lots more fear.  This will not end well.]

FINALLY TO

TERRY pulling himself into a window seat. He's dazed. Looking down as the earth begins to pull away. As the chopper starts to level off.   [Whew! Hope.  Leveling off is good.]

TERRY wiping at the blood from a deep cut above his eye. Wiping it away so he can see. Trying to get a grip. To focus. Something. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: For that gut wrenching feeling, discomfort and the possibility of not succeeding must reign.

Proof of Life (2000)(7/6/99 draft)
by Tony Gilroy 

TODAY'S NUGGETS: Armaggedon (1998) - Why THIS Guy?

[Quick Summary: A team of drillers are recruited to help stop an asteroid that threatens the earth.]

This story is preposterous, i.e., that a driller would end up as an astronaut.

So why THIS guy?  Why does Harry, an oil driller, need to be the protagonist?

I liked that this script is clear why: Harry is the only guy who knows how to operate the equipment, which will be required to blow up the asteroid.

The writers did a nice job of explaining this through introducing some conflict (we are now learning NASA had stolen Harry's prototype):

INT. NASA/HALLWAY -- ONE MINUTE LATER

Harry and Grace -- both in shock -- walk downstairs behind Truman, Quincy and A SMALL MILITARY ESCORT.

TRUMAN: We want to land on the asteroid, drill a hole, drop in some nukes, take off and detonate, having the pieces slide past us. Except we have an equipment problem.

QUINCY: The drilling unit is part of a lunar project we've been working on for the past three years. The recent discovery of water on the moon wa--

A DOOR. TWO ARMED GUARDS open up and step aside --

INT. NASA R&D HANGAR -- SAME TIME       OMITTED

TECHNICIANS standing beside a huge gurney. Stretched across, A LARGE ROBOTIC DRILLING ARM -- complex machinery and gears and Teflon cables. Harry's jaw tightening as he circles the thing. Harry is in shock -- .

QUINCY (nervously): You may recognize the rig...

HARRY (utterly confused): It's tough not to recognize something you spent five years designing --

QUINCY: Yes, we were planning on sending this to the moon and--

HARRY: What, you got a key to the Patent Office?

TRUMAN: Basically. You see, that's why you're here.

HARRY: What I see, is that you ripped me off and now I'm pissed.

QUINCY: We prefer the term borrowed...But actually, ostensibly, the boundaries of patent laws only apply to Earth, not outer space.

TRUMAN: Shut up, Ron.

HARRY: Are you kidding me?! I got dragged into this because you "borrowed from me" and by the say did a shit job of putting it together?

TRUMAN: So what's wrong with it? You said we'd done a bad job putting it together.  

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Introducing conflict is one way to sneak in exposition without it feeling like an information dump.

Armaggedon (1998)(8/14/97 draft)
by Jonathan Hensleigh, rev. by Tony Gilroy and JJ Abrams

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Devil's Advocate (1997) - A Great Writer is Inventive in Getting the Audience into the Character

[Quick Summary: A defense lawyer makes a deal with the devil to defend him.]

I think what sets a good writer apart from a great writer is inventiveness.  

I particularly look for unusual visual (which is often called "cinematic") ways into characters that we've not seen before. 

For example, this script presents who the Milton character is in one startling image: 

INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH - DAY

Milton down below. Lowering a single finger into the holy water. Instantly -- it's boiling and we --

                                         HARD CUT TO; 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I think this image is quite inventive because it's arresting and also makes me more curious about what's the character will do next. 

The Devil's Advocate (1997)(1/18/97 shooting script)
by Jonathan Lemkin and Tony Gilroy
Based on the novel by Andrew Neiderman
 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Cutting Edge (1992) - A Strong Voice + Economy of Writing (Clarity, Pacing, What the Characters Want)

[Quick Summary: When a female skater loses her skating partner, she and a hockey player team up as a doubles pair for the next Olympics.]

Q: What is "voice"?
A: "Voice" can be defined as "how a writer tells a story that is unique to him/her." 

Q: Is voice truly evident on the page? That is, that a particular writer wrote a script?
A:  Sometimes.  It's not just a point of view, but HOW the writer leads you through the story.

Q: What is a good example of a strong voice?
A: One of the strongest voices I've seen is writer Tony Gilroy, whose scripts I'll be posting about in the upcoming weeks (both original and rewrite jobs).*

Q: What is it about Gilroy's voice that is so evident? 
A: I think one would hire Gilroy because you like the way he tells a story. I like the way he balances tone in the dramas and action thrillers that he's known for. 

He has distinct brisk pacing, a way of getting into the story fast, and sustaining suspense, all while being very clear about what the characters want.  

Today's script is an unusual one: 
- It's Gilroy's first produced film credit as a writer.
- It is also sort of a sports/romance/action story to boot.
- Though this is a younger Gilroy script, it has all his trademark pacing and clarity.

In the scene below: 
- It is the1988 Calgary Olympics.
- There is a simplicity of two athletes of very different temperaments on a collision course.
- We are clear what each wants: to win.
- Note the economy of writing.  In a very few words, we feel the urgency of the moment, yet the Doug and Kate's mutual annoyance of encountering an obstacle.  

INT. THE BOWELS OF THE SADDLEDOME

An empty passageway. DOUG is lost. Sweating. Cursing. Charging blindly ahead. From above, the MUFFLED ROAR of the crowd. If he could claw his way up to the ice he'd do it.

                                                                           CUT TO:

A DIFFERENT PASSAGEWAY

KATE striding ahead -- rounding a corner  and -- SMACK! -- right into DOUG -- a head-on collision and it's no contest -- KATE sent flying on her ass --.

DOUG (barely stopping): -- Does this go up to the ice?

KATE stares at him, incredulous. "THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER" begins to play in the distance.

DOUG: Is this the way to the ice?

KATE (still sitting there): Why you barbarian jerk -- is that all you have to say?

Screw this, DOUG is already several steps away and moving. 

KATE: Where were you raised, in a barnyard?

DOUG stops mid-stride. This kind of shit demands at least a moment of his time.

DOUG: Honey, where I'm from we stand for the National Anthem.

Now he's gone. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  I was impressed by how much takes place in such little space on the page.  It takes a lot of drafts to hone a script to get it into this shape. 

The Cutting Edge (1992)(4/15/90 draft)
by Tony Gilroy 

*Interestingly enough, the only other writer who had this strong of a voice (i.e., I could spot his invisible fingerprints on the page) is the legendary writer,  William Goldman, who was one of Gilroy's mentors.