[Quick Summary: Three childhood friends have their loyalties tested in 1970s-1980s Brooklyn where they rub elbows with mobsters.]
This is a great film about the unwritten rules of guy friendship.
These three guys are almost always together, yet I could easily distinguish one from another because of distinct attitudes in dialogue and behavior.
How did the writer do this?
I think it is because he establishes the characters' attitudes early as kids to foreshadow how they will react as adults.
For example, the scene below comes early in the script.
Notice the three distinct ways that the three boys (Michael, Carmine and Bobby) react to the same situation:
ex. "EXT. WEEDS - BELT PARKWAY - (LATER THAT) DAY
...
BOBBY (O.S.): Holy shit! Guys, come here!
Michael and Carmine head off running toward Bobby's voice. In a small clearing off the parkway, a small clearing off the parkway, a '74 ELDORADO is parked, engine idling. Behind the wheel, a silk-suited THUG is slumped DEAD. BLOOD TRICKLES from two exit wounds in his forehead.
CARMINE: Oh fuck!
BOBBY: Is he dead?
MICHAEL: No genius, he's pretending. Look, he even put his brains all over the windshield.
As the kids peer into the open window, Carmine spots a pack of MARLBOROS and a GOLD LIGHTER. He reaches in to take them.
BOBBY: What are you doing?!
Carmine lights a CIGARETTE, then admires his new LIGHTER.
CARMINE: He ain't gonna smoke 'em.
BOBBY (a beat; then): Maybe we should tell somebody.
MICHAEL: What are you, retarded?
CARMINE (looking in car): Think there's any money?
Michael leans in and pops the glove compartment. There, in plain view, is a nickel-plated .38 REVOLVER. He leans in and takes it.
MICHAEL: Whoa. Checkit out.
CARMINE: Holy shit, lemme see.
MICHAEL: No way, man. It's mine.
Michael slips the GUN in his jacket pocket, just as something in the car catches Bobby's eye. He opens the passenger door.
CARMINE: The fuck you doin'?
Through the window, we see what Bobby is going for - an ANIMAL TRANSPORT CASE in the back seat. He unlocks the wire mesh front, then reaches in and removes a month-old, brown and white
BEAGLE PUPPY
who is very much alive. Bobby cradles the dog in his arms.
BOBBY: Hey puppy, you okay?
CARMINE: He's cute. Sharp teeth.
MICHAEL: What should we do with him?
BOBBY: Nothing. I'm keeping him.
We hear POLICE SIREN in the distance. A beat, then the BOYS exchange looks and take off running..."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The scene above looks like it is about boys finding a dead body...but it's really about what is most valued by each kid (character).
Brooklyn Rules (2007)(4/8/04 draft)
by Terence Winter
Monday, November 4, 2019
Monday, October 28, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: The 25th Hour (2002) - Writing a Good Character
[Quick Summary: On the last day before a 7 year federal incarceration, drug dealer Monty Brogan takes two childhood friends to one last goodbye party.]
How to write a good character? I get less and less articulate as I learn more.
I have noticed is that a good character is one that the audience can easily identify with or recognize on some level, i.e., "Oh, I know who that person is."
In the scene below, it is the day before Monty is about to go to federal prison. He wants to know if the most important person in his life has ratted him out.
The audience recognizes why Monty's priorities are so clear, even if we have not been in his shoes.
ex. "INT. BROGAN'S BAR
Monty returns to the table, sits, drinks some Guinness..
MONTY: Let me ask you a question.
MR. BROGAN: Okay.
MONTY: What do you think of Naturelle?
MR. BROGAN: She's a good girl. Your mother would have liked her.
MONTY: Do you trust her?
MR. BROGAN: Do I trust her? Why do I have to trust her?
MONTY: Do you think I can trust her?
MR. BROGAN: Where you going with this?
MONTY: I've been hearing weird things. (beat) Some people are saying she dimed me out.
MR. BROGAN (incredulous): Why would she do that?
MONTY: I don't know. Maybe the Feds got to her somehow. Blackmailed her.
MR. BROGAN:The girl loves you, Monty. I can't believe she would betray you.
MONTY: Everything's gotten so strange, Dad. I wake up some mornings and it takes me a minute to remember who I am, you know? Where I'm going.
Mr. Brogan looks down at his plate and nods.
MONTY (CONT'D): Most of the people I'm with, I look at them and I think, these are my friends? (beat) The only ones I trust these days are you and the guys I grew up with -- Frank, Jake.
MR. BROGAN: I miss those boys.
MONTY: And Naturelle...Jesus. I can't get it out of my head.
MR. BROGAN: It doesn't really matter now, does it?
Monty stares at his father, blue eyes unblinking.
MONTY: It matters to me."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: For me, "getting character on the page" has started to become more "getting a feeling of recognition on the page."
The 25th Hour (2002)(4/30/01 draft)
by David Benioff
Based on his novel
The wonder of the rich screenplay is that it contains all of this material about Monty, and yet informs us so fully about the others. There could be a separate movie about Jacob, a pudgy and phlegmatic high school English teacher who is fascinated by a tattoo on the bare midriff of one of his students, and by the girl Mary (Anna Paquin) who wears it. But any move in that direction would be wrong, and he knows it. - Rogert EbertThis quote reminds me that a good script = good characters.
How to write a good character? I get less and less articulate as I learn more.
I have noticed is that a good character is one that the audience can easily identify with or recognize on some level, i.e., "Oh, I know who that person is."
In the scene below, it is the day before Monty is about to go to federal prison. He wants to know if the most important person in his life has ratted him out.
The audience recognizes why Monty's priorities are so clear, even if we have not been in his shoes.
ex. "INT. BROGAN'S BAR
Monty returns to the table, sits, drinks some Guinness..
MONTY: Let me ask you a question.
MR. BROGAN: Okay.
MONTY: What do you think of Naturelle?
MR. BROGAN: She's a good girl. Your mother would have liked her.
MONTY: Do you trust her?
MR. BROGAN: Do I trust her? Why do I have to trust her?
MONTY: Do you think I can trust her?
MR. BROGAN: Where you going with this?
MONTY: I've been hearing weird things. (beat) Some people are saying she dimed me out.
MR. BROGAN (incredulous): Why would she do that?
MONTY: I don't know. Maybe the Feds got to her somehow. Blackmailed her.
MR. BROGAN:The girl loves you, Monty. I can't believe she would betray you.
MONTY: Everything's gotten so strange, Dad. I wake up some mornings and it takes me a minute to remember who I am, you know? Where I'm going.
Mr. Brogan looks down at his plate and nods.
MONTY (CONT'D): Most of the people I'm with, I look at them and I think, these are my friends? (beat) The only ones I trust these days are you and the guys I grew up with -- Frank, Jake.
MR. BROGAN: I miss those boys.
MONTY: And Naturelle...Jesus. I can't get it out of my head.
MR. BROGAN: It doesn't really matter now, does it?
Monty stares at his father, blue eyes unblinking.
MONTY: It matters to me."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: For me, "getting character on the page" has started to become more "getting a feeling of recognition on the page."
The 25th Hour (2002)(4/30/01 draft)
by David Benioff
Based on his novel
Monday, October 21, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Little Monsters (1989) - A Distinctive Voice
[Quick Summary: After ten y.o. Brian saves the Monster Under the Bed, it allows Brian to follow him around as it causes havoc on other kids.]
TWO THOUGHTS:
1) STILL POPULAR. I was surprised at the staying power of this film. Of the 10 copies available through the library, only ONE was available.
2) VOICE. Before they wrote Aladdin (and then Shrek, and Pirates of the Carribean), Rossio and Elliot wrote Little Monsters.
I'm sure the script sold because it's a fun kids' adventure.
However, it also is an example of why they get hired again and again: for their distinctive voice (fun, scary, adventure, action).
To me, voice is the WAY the writer writes.
When I say, "I like his/her voice," I mean that I like the way that writer tells the story. Clear as mud, right?
Let's look at an example below. Notice how the way they build to the scream:
ex. "INT. STEVENSON HOME - ATTIC ROOM - NIGHT
...
In the kitchen, Brian whips up a baloney-mustard-onion sandwich. He glances at the clock, working under a deadline. [fun sneaking around!]
In the family room Brian -- silently -- pushes an armchair up very close to the television screen. He is careful to turn the volume knob all the way down, then pull on the power switch -- cautiously, lest the 'click' of the switch alert someone. The screen comes to life slowly. Brian turns up the sound so it is barely audible -- just in time for the opening of 'Late Night With David Letterman.' [more shenanigans]
He settles back. Unseen by Brian a quick, subtle movement -- just a shadow, really -- heads for the stairs. [scary, action]
Brian takes a bite of the sandwich -- [payoff for building sandwich]
-- and then there is a SCREAM that could wake the dead." [scary, adventure begins]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Another way to look at voice: It's the way you write from point A to point B.
No, you're probably not conscious of it. You are likely conscious of getting from A to B. Work on that.
Little Monsters (1989)(1st draft, 12/9/86)
by Terry Rossio and Ted Elliott
TWO THOUGHTS:
1) STILL POPULAR. I was surprised at the staying power of this film. Of the 10 copies available through the library, only ONE was available.
2) VOICE. Before they wrote Aladdin (and then Shrek, and Pirates of the Carribean), Rossio and Elliot wrote Little Monsters.
I'm sure the script sold because it's a fun kids' adventure.
However, it also is an example of why they get hired again and again: for their distinctive voice (fun, scary, adventure, action).
To me, voice is the WAY the writer writes.
When I say, "I like his/her voice," I mean that I like the way that writer tells the story. Clear as mud, right?
Let's look at an example below. Notice how the way they build to the scream:
ex. "INT. STEVENSON HOME - ATTIC ROOM - NIGHT
...
In the kitchen, Brian whips up a baloney-mustard-onion sandwich. He glances at the clock, working under a deadline. [fun sneaking around!]
In the family room Brian -- silently -- pushes an armchair up very close to the television screen. He is careful to turn the volume knob all the way down, then pull on the power switch -- cautiously, lest the 'click' of the switch alert someone. The screen comes to life slowly. Brian turns up the sound so it is barely audible -- just in time for the opening of 'Late Night With David Letterman.' [more shenanigans]
He settles back. Unseen by Brian a quick, subtle movement -- just a shadow, really -- heads for the stairs. [scary, action]
Brian takes a bite of the sandwich -- [payoff for building sandwich]
-- and then there is a SCREAM that could wake the dead." [scary, adventure begins]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Another way to look at voice: It's the way you write from point A to point B.
No, you're probably not conscious of it. You are likely conscious of getting from A to B. Work on that.
Little Monsters (1989)(1st draft, 12/9/86)
by Terry Rossio and Ted Elliott
Monday, October 14, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Dolores Claiborne (1995) - Switching Time Without Sluglines
[Quick Summary: A reporter has not been home to Maine in 15 yrs. but returns to deal with her mother Dolores who is accused of murdering her rich, ill employer.]
Tony Gilroy is famous for writing without sluglines.
How does he keep time straight for the reader? When there are flashbacks too?
I think it starts with keeping the character's current emotional state very clear.
For example, in the scene below, note:
- The structure is to start in the present --> flash back to the past --> return to present.
- The emotional state is confusion in the present --> confusion also in the past --> neither the characters or the audience has all the facts --> we get the confusion.
- Dolores is the mother. Selena is her 30 y.o. daughter who is a reporter now.
ex. "DOLORES at the bottom of the stairs. Crushed. Moving heavily back through the living room and --
INTO
THE KITCHEN. DOLORES just about to start putting things away, when she hears SELENA coming back down the stairs. [PRESENT TIME]
DOLORES (turning back): Selena?
SELENA (12) standing at the bottom of the stairs. Dressed to go out. A backpack. [PAST STARTS HERE]
SELENA: Don't try and stop me.
WE ARE IN FLASHBACK
We're still in the living room, but it's a bright, Spring afternoon in 1975.
DOLORES (36) Standing near the kitchen. Bare feet.
SELENA (backing for the door): Mrs. Devereaux called, she need extra help with the hotel because of the people coming for the eclipse. I'm going to stay over a few days.
DOLORES: Selena, we talked about this --
SELENA: I don't care what we talked about! (rushing out the door --) I don't want to be here when you talk to dad about your crazy ideas!
DOLORES rushing to follow. Not as fast in bare feet. Through the front door and --
OUT INTO
The yard. DOLORES running off the porch -- heading across the field -- trying to cut SELENA off --
DOLORES (yelling as she goes --: Selena! Selenaaaa...!
SELENA already way ahead -- almost beyond earshot -- SILHOUETTED AGAINST THE SKY as she runs along the road to town and --
DOLORES running -- trying to chase -- tough without shoes --
DOLORES: Selena!!! (stopping as --)
Suddenly -- DOLORES stumbles -- A CRACKING SOUND -- something giving way -- boards breaking -- DOLORES falling -- catching herself -- GASPING -- grabbing at the ground as her legs disappear beneath her -- and then scrambling back up -- standing slowly and staring down at --
A DRY WELL - covered with rotting boards -- grown over with weeds and scrub -- a black hole there in the middle of nothing and --
MATCH CUT -- OUT OF FLASHBACK TO [BACK TO PRESENT]
THE ROUND KITCHEN TABLE. Cluttered with Selena's laptop, tape recorder, notebooks, etc...
DOLORES picks up her glass. Finishes the last of the Scotch."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This is an excellent example of a flashback that gives us information, but is not an info dump. It's more about the emotional state of affairs.
Dolores Claiborne (1995)(3rd draft, 1/31/94)
by Tony Gilroy
Based on the novel by Stephen King
Tony Gilroy is famous for writing without sluglines.
How does he keep time straight for the reader? When there are flashbacks too?
I think it starts with keeping the character's current emotional state very clear.
For example, in the scene below, note:
- The structure is to start in the present --> flash back to the past --> return to present.
- The emotional state is confusion in the present --> confusion also in the past --> neither the characters or the audience has all the facts --> we get the confusion.
- Dolores is the mother. Selena is her 30 y.o. daughter who is a reporter now.
ex. "DOLORES at the bottom of the stairs. Crushed. Moving heavily back through the living room and --
INTO
THE KITCHEN. DOLORES just about to start putting things away, when she hears SELENA coming back down the stairs. [PRESENT TIME]
DOLORES (turning back): Selena?
SELENA (12) standing at the bottom of the stairs. Dressed to go out. A backpack. [PAST STARTS HERE]
SELENA: Don't try and stop me.
WE ARE IN FLASHBACK
We're still in the living room, but it's a bright, Spring afternoon in 1975.
DOLORES (36) Standing near the kitchen. Bare feet.
SELENA (backing for the door): Mrs. Devereaux called, she need extra help with the hotel because of the people coming for the eclipse. I'm going to stay over a few days.
DOLORES: Selena, we talked about this --
SELENA: I don't care what we talked about! (rushing out the door --) I don't want to be here when you talk to dad about your crazy ideas!
DOLORES rushing to follow. Not as fast in bare feet. Through the front door and --
OUT INTO
The yard. DOLORES running off the porch -- heading across the field -- trying to cut SELENA off --
DOLORES (yelling as she goes --: Selena! Selenaaaa...!
SELENA already way ahead -- almost beyond earshot -- SILHOUETTED AGAINST THE SKY as she runs along the road to town and --
DOLORES running -- trying to chase -- tough without shoes --
DOLORES: Selena!!! (stopping as --)
Suddenly -- DOLORES stumbles -- A CRACKING SOUND -- something giving way -- boards breaking -- DOLORES falling -- catching herself -- GASPING -- grabbing at the ground as her legs disappear beneath her -- and then scrambling back up -- standing slowly and staring down at --
A DRY WELL - covered with rotting boards -- grown over with weeds and scrub -- a black hole there in the middle of nothing and --
MATCH CUT -- OUT OF FLASHBACK TO [BACK TO PRESENT]
THE ROUND KITCHEN TABLE. Cluttered with Selena's laptop, tape recorder, notebooks, etc...
DOLORES picks up her glass. Finishes the last of the Scotch."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This is an excellent example of a flashback that gives us information, but is not an info dump. It's more about the emotional state of affairs.
Dolores Claiborne (1995)(3rd draft, 1/31/94)
by Tony Gilroy
Based on the novel by Stephen King
Monday, October 7, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: The Lookout (2007) - How to Show Man at War with Himself
[Quick Summary: Now hampered by a head injury, Chris is a frustrated bank janitor who impulsively decides to assist thugs with a bank heist, then regrets it.]
Chris is angry because he is hampered by a head injury:
- He must write everything down because of his frequent memory lapses..
- He has difficulty in social situations because of frontal lobe problems.
What does Chris want? His old life back.
What is the obstacle? His trauma. This protagonist is his own greatest antagonist.*
So how do you externalize that a man at war with himself?
I saw one method in this script:
- First, present the protagonist with a routine situation.
- Have the protagonist react in an odd way so we see his internal problem.
- Have other characters react and/or say what the protagonist is probably thinking.
The scene below shows how Chris' trauma gets in the way of what Chris wants most (externalizing the antagonist).
ex. "INT. BAR - NIGHT
...Chris then turns away, sees the BARTENDER watching him. [Normal situation: Chris needs to pay the bar tab.]
BARTENDER (loud, slow): Two-fifty. For. The. Beer. [This is an insult, disrespectful to Chris.]
"Gary" turns back now and watches as Chris fumbles about for the right amount of cash, pays his tab.
BARTENDER (cont'd): Thank. You. Very. Much.
Gary keeps looking at Chris now. Finally: [Chris's reaction is not to speak up when others would. We see he is used to this treatment and shame.]
GARY: You hard of hearing or something?
CHRIS: No.
Gary nods, turns as the bartender sets Gary's change on the bar, starts to move away when Gary grabs his arm.
GARY: Excuse me...(reads his name tag)...T.J.
The bartender looks down at Gary's hand on his arm.
GARY (cont'd): He's not deaf.
BARTENDER: What?
GARY: He just told me, he's not deaf. [Gary is saying what Chris is embarrassed to say.]
The bartender glances at Chris, pulls his arm free.
BARTENDER: I know he's not.
GARY: There some reason, then, why you keep raising your voice every time you talk to him?
The bartender glances at Chris, then...
BARTENDER: So he can understand.
GARY: Why wouldn't he? [Again, he speaks what Chris thinks.]
The bartender is uncomfortable. Gary looks at Chris.
GARY (cont'd): Can you understand him?
CHRIS: It's no problem...
GARY: Can you understand him?
CHRIS: Yes.
Gary looks at the bartender, and smiles, but it isn't mirth or good cheer that the bartender reads on Gary's face.
GARY: So now you know.
BARTENDER: Now I know.
The guy can't get out of there fast enough. Gary shakes his head."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I'm glad to have found this example, as they do not show up much.
The Lookout (2007)(3/26/04 draft w/revisions)
by Scott Frank
*This takes up the first 2/3 of the script. The last 1/3 is the heist and the usual bad guys take over as antagonists.
Chris is angry because he is hampered by a head injury:
- He must write everything down because of his frequent memory lapses..
- He has difficulty in social situations because of frontal lobe problems.
What does Chris want? His old life back.
What is the obstacle? His trauma. This protagonist is his own greatest antagonist.*
So how do you externalize that a man at war with himself?
I saw one method in this script:
- First, present the protagonist with a routine situation.
- Have the protagonist react in an odd way so we see his internal problem.
- Have other characters react and/or say what the protagonist is probably thinking.
The scene below shows how Chris' trauma gets in the way of what Chris wants most (externalizing the antagonist).
ex. "INT. BAR - NIGHT
...Chris then turns away, sees the BARTENDER watching him. [Normal situation: Chris needs to pay the bar tab.]
BARTENDER (loud, slow): Two-fifty. For. The. Beer. [This is an insult, disrespectful to Chris.]
"Gary" turns back now and watches as Chris fumbles about for the right amount of cash, pays his tab.
BARTENDER (cont'd): Thank. You. Very. Much.
Gary keeps looking at Chris now. Finally: [Chris's reaction is not to speak up when others would. We see he is used to this treatment and shame.]
GARY: You hard of hearing or something?
CHRIS: No.
Gary nods, turns as the bartender sets Gary's change on the bar, starts to move away when Gary grabs his arm.
GARY: Excuse me...(reads his name tag)...T.J.
The bartender looks down at Gary's hand on his arm.
GARY (cont'd): He's not deaf.
BARTENDER: What?
GARY: He just told me, he's not deaf. [Gary is saying what Chris is embarrassed to say.]
The bartender glances at Chris, pulls his arm free.
BARTENDER: I know he's not.
GARY: There some reason, then, why you keep raising your voice every time you talk to him?
The bartender glances at Chris, then...
BARTENDER: So he can understand.
GARY: Why wouldn't he? [Again, he speaks what Chris thinks.]
The bartender is uncomfortable. Gary looks at Chris.
GARY (cont'd): Can you understand him?
CHRIS: It's no problem...
GARY: Can you understand him?
CHRIS: Yes.
Gary looks at the bartender, and smiles, but it isn't mirth or good cheer that the bartender reads on Gary's face.
GARY: So now you know.
BARTENDER: Now I know.
The guy can't get out of there fast enough. Gary shakes his head."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I'm glad to have found this example, as they do not show up much.
The Lookout (2007)(3/26/04 draft w/revisions)
by Scott Frank
*This takes up the first 2/3 of the script. The last 1/3 is the heist and the usual bad guys take over as antagonists.
Monday, September 30, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Coming to America (1988) - Misunderstandings Keep Lovers Apart
[Quick Summary: Akeem, a Zamunda African prince, comes to America with his bodyguard Semmi to look for an independent thinking bride.]
I liked that the writers did not make it easy for Akeem to win the girl.
Here, they used misunderstandings (cultural, male vs. female) to keep them apart.
(Misunderstandings also are key to a fish-out-of-water story.)
In the scene below:
- Akeem has just overheard teenage girls swooning over a Prince magazine cover.
- He assumes that all women find Prince attractive.
- He assumes Lisa would like a big public display, though he doesn't know her well.
ex. "INT. BLACK AWARENESS DINNER - NIGHT
...Akeem slides into the room on his knees in full Prince attire: open ruffled shirt, fishnet stockings, stacked heels, make-up, curl of hair dangling in his eyes.
ON CROWD
Everyone in the room gazes at him in open-mouthed amazement.
ON AKEEM
Akeem gets up and shimmies across the floor, licking his fingers, rubbing his hands all over his body.
ON LISA
Lisa looks at him like he's crazy.
ON AKEEM
Akeem drops to the floor and slithers toward her on his belly, moving in time with the sensual music, humping the floor like a reptile in heat.
ANGLES ON LISA AND AKEEM
He wriggles up to her, lying at her feet, flicking his tongue.
Lisa stares at him, astounded, repulsed.
Akeem speaks in a low, breathy Prince-like moan.
AKEEM: Let us become one, Lisa.
LISA (calmly): I don't think so.
He tries to lick her knee
LISA (evenly): Don't. Don't even think about it.
He wriggles half-heartedly.
LISA (coolly): Go away.
All the bravado drains from Akeem's face. He slithers back out of the room as inconspicuously as possible."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This misunderstanding works because it came from character.
Akeem has had little contact with the middle class, and his assumptions show it.
Coming to America (1988)(shooting script w/revisions, 10/21/87)
by David Sheffield & Barry W. Blaustein
Story by Eddie Murphy
I liked that the writers did not make it easy for Akeem to win the girl.
Here, they used misunderstandings (cultural, male vs. female) to keep them apart.
(Misunderstandings also are key to a fish-out-of-water story.)
In the scene below:
- Akeem has just overheard teenage girls swooning over a Prince magazine cover.
- He assumes that all women find Prince attractive.
- He assumes Lisa would like a big public display, though he doesn't know her well.
ex. "INT. BLACK AWARENESS DINNER - NIGHT
...Akeem slides into the room on his knees in full Prince attire: open ruffled shirt, fishnet stockings, stacked heels, make-up, curl of hair dangling in his eyes.
ON CROWD
Everyone in the room gazes at him in open-mouthed amazement.
ON AKEEM
Akeem gets up and shimmies across the floor, licking his fingers, rubbing his hands all over his body.
ON LISA
Lisa looks at him like he's crazy.
ON AKEEM
Akeem drops to the floor and slithers toward her on his belly, moving in time with the sensual music, humping the floor like a reptile in heat.
ANGLES ON LISA AND AKEEM
He wriggles up to her, lying at her feet, flicking his tongue.
Lisa stares at him, astounded, repulsed.
Akeem speaks in a low, breathy Prince-like moan.
AKEEM: Let us become one, Lisa.
LISA (calmly): I don't think so.
He tries to lick her knee
LISA (evenly): Don't. Don't even think about it.
He wriggles half-heartedly.
LISA (coolly): Go away.
All the bravado drains from Akeem's face. He slithers back out of the room as inconspicuously as possible."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This misunderstanding works because it came from character.
Akeem has had little contact with the middle class, and his assumptions show it.
Coming to America (1988)(shooting script w/revisions, 10/21/87)
by David Sheffield & Barry W. Blaustein
Story by Eddie Murphy
Monday, September 23, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Beverly Hills Cop II (1987) - What I Look For in a Sequel
[Quick Summary: After his friend Capt. Bogomil, is shot while following up on a hot tip, Axel Foley hightails it to LA to track down the culprits.]
When a sequel comes along, I want to know:
1) Did they understand what made the first movie work?
2) Did they deliver that again here?
In this sequel:
1) Foley was funny in first film, especially with LA cops Rosewood and Taggart. They overcame big obstacles together as a team.
2) Not really. Foley is not that funny and does not seem to have difficulty overcoming obstacles. The script seems more interested in explosions, car chases.
The one thing that worked was the team dynamic of how Foley is always dragging Rosewood and Taggart into his schemes.
I liked the scene below because it is funny and reminiscent of the first film.
We know very well that Foley is up to something crazy but Rosewood and Taggart are willing, if reluctant, accomplices.
ex. "EXT. ROSENBERG MANSION - DAY
Taggart and Rosewood stand staring up at the gates.
TAGGART: This has GOT to be a mistake.
ROSEWOOD: There's his car.
Way up the driveway. There it is.
TAGGART (very nervous): Billie, if he's here, he must be robbing the place.
He pulls his gun. They walk cautiously up the long driveway. CAMERA HINGES to see:
WILLIE AND MAY'S CAR parked down the street a couple blocks."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The writers tried, really tried, but sometimes you can't recapture funny in a bottle.
Beverly Hills Cop II (1987)(shooting script, 10/24/86 w/revisions)
by Larry Ferguson and Warren Skaaren
When a sequel comes along, I want to know:
1) Did they understand what made the first movie work?
2) Did they deliver that again here?
In this sequel:
1) Foley was funny in first film, especially with LA cops Rosewood and Taggart. They overcame big obstacles together as a team.
2) Not really. Foley is not that funny and does not seem to have difficulty overcoming obstacles. The script seems more interested in explosions, car chases.
The one thing that worked was the team dynamic of how Foley is always dragging Rosewood and Taggart into his schemes.
I liked the scene below because it is funny and reminiscent of the first film.
We know very well that Foley is up to something crazy but Rosewood and Taggart are willing, if reluctant, accomplices.
ex. "EXT. ROSENBERG MANSION - DAY
Taggart and Rosewood stand staring up at the gates.
TAGGART: This has GOT to be a mistake.
ROSEWOOD: There's his car.
Way up the driveway. There it is.
TAGGART (very nervous): Billie, if he's here, he must be robbing the place.
He pulls his gun. They walk cautiously up the long driveway. CAMERA HINGES to see:
WILLIE AND MAY'S CAR parked down the street a couple blocks."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The writers tried, really tried, but sometimes you can't recapture funny in a bottle.
Beverly Hills Cop II (1987)(shooting script, 10/24/86 w/revisions)
by Larry Ferguson and Warren Skaaren
Monday, September 16, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Beverly Hills Cop (1984) - Excellent Clarity + Character in an Action Sequence
[Quick Summary: When his childhood friend is gunned down in Detroit, cop Axel Foley travels to Beverly Hills to locate the goons who killed his friend.]
This script reads lickety split. It is such a pleasure.
It especially shines in its clarity of story spine while allowing great character work.
For example, in the semi-truck chase below:
- Axel is a fast thinking, fast talking cop, in the first few lines. [character]
- When things go south with the two cons, Axel does not give up and hangs on to them, which he literally does in this scene. [character]
- There is even great character work without dialogue. ex. Axel chooses not to listen the cop (get offa there!) in order to nail these cons. [character]
- Notice how clear the story spine is despite the multiple characters, action, guns, etc. We're focused on Axel -- hang on Axel!
ex. "IN THE CAB
Mirsky has the engine running. He stares out the side view mirror at the cops walking toward the truck. He licks his lips and puts the truck into gear, ready to take off.
AXEL
tries to play it cool.
AXEL: Are we glad to see you! You want to call us a tow? We threw a bearing.
The second cop has been staring at Axel.
SECOND COP: Don't I know you from someplace?
FIRST COP: Both you guys, break out some I.D.
CARLOTTA
panics and runs toward a pickup truck parked across the street. The cops draw their guns.
FIRST COP: Freeze!
But Carlotta keeps running. The first cop chases after him.
ANGLE ON THE TRUCK'S CAB
Mirsky lets out the clutch and the rig jerks forward.
AXEL
is still standing on the bed of the rear trailer of the moving truck. The second cop yells at him --
SECOND COP: Get down offa there!
--but Axel stays right where he is, hanging on as the truck gains speed. The second cop fires a warning shot; Axel braces himself at the side of the trailer to offer a narrow target but now the truck is going about 40 as it takes the next corner and
THE REAR TRAILER
bounces up over the curb as the truck cuts the corner too close. It looks like the truck is going to jackknife, but instead it comes out of the turn gathering more speed.
AXEL
is nearly thrown off the rear of the truck, but he hangs on."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Don't forget clarity when trying to jazz up the character.
I've seen scripts that get so lost in trying to be funny that it lacks clarity.
Beverly Hills Cop (1984)(shooting script, 5/14/84)
by Daniel Petrie, Jr. (with Martin Brest pages)
This script reads lickety split. It is such a pleasure.
It especially shines in its clarity of story spine while allowing great character work.
For example, in the semi-truck chase below:
- Axel is a fast thinking, fast talking cop, in the first few lines. [character]
- When things go south with the two cons, Axel does not give up and hangs on to them, which he literally does in this scene. [character]
- There is even great character work without dialogue. ex. Axel chooses not to listen the cop (get offa there!) in order to nail these cons. [character]
- Notice how clear the story spine is despite the multiple characters, action, guns, etc. We're focused on Axel -- hang on Axel!
ex. "IN THE CAB
Mirsky has the engine running. He stares out the side view mirror at the cops walking toward the truck. He licks his lips and puts the truck into gear, ready to take off.
AXEL
tries to play it cool.
AXEL: Are we glad to see you! You want to call us a tow? We threw a bearing.
The second cop has been staring at Axel.
SECOND COP: Don't I know you from someplace?
FIRST COP: Both you guys, break out some I.D.
CARLOTTA
panics and runs toward a pickup truck parked across the street. The cops draw their guns.
FIRST COP: Freeze!
But Carlotta keeps running. The first cop chases after him.
ANGLE ON THE TRUCK'S CAB
Mirsky lets out the clutch and the rig jerks forward.
AXEL
is still standing on the bed of the rear trailer of the moving truck. The second cop yells at him --
SECOND COP: Get down offa there!
--but Axel stays right where he is, hanging on as the truck gains speed. The second cop fires a warning shot; Axel braces himself at the side of the trailer to offer a narrow target but now the truck is going about 40 as it takes the next corner and
THE REAR TRAILER
bounces up over the curb as the truck cuts the corner too close. It looks like the truck is going to jackknife, but instead it comes out of the turn gathering more speed.
AXEL
is nearly thrown off the rear of the truck, but he hangs on."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Don't forget clarity when trying to jazz up the character.
I've seen scripts that get so lost in trying to be funny that it lacks clarity.
Beverly Hills Cop (1984)(shooting script, 5/14/84)
by Daniel Petrie, Jr. (with Martin Brest pages)
Monday, September 9, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Black Cat Run (1998 TV movie) - Setting Up a 2nd Chase
[Quick Summary: Pursued by a deputy with a score to settle, an amateur car racer chases after a gang of escaped cons who have kidnapped his girlfriend.]
I knew about writer-director Frank Darabont for his well known adaptations (Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, The Walking Dead).
However, this was the first original story and script of his that I'd ever seen before.
This is a chase story which takes up about 3/4 of the script.
How do you keep the audience emotionally engaged that long?
It's hard enough when there is one chase, but when there are TWO chases?
In one word: Stakes.
For example, in this script:
Setup for 1st CHASE:
- Johnny pumps gas at his dad's station. Sara believes in his big dreams.
- When Sara Jane is kidnapped by escaped cons, Johnny chases after them.
- I have no problem believing this chase because Johnny loves Sara
Setup for 2nd CHASE:
- The writers wanted someone to chase Johnny to increase the tension.
- But why would anyone chase Johnny?
- The writers needed a character who wasn't entirely objective and took things very personally, i.e., Norm, the deputy sheriff who wants to date Sara.
- What are the stakes for Norm? Ego (so strong that it lasts 3/4 the script!)
- Note in the scene below how the writer sets it up so we believe that Norm is the pig headed type who could easily be stirred up into chasing after Johnny.
ex. "EXT. HADDONTON - DAY
...NORM: Howdy, Sara Jane. You're lookin' mighty pretty today.
SARA: Norm. What are you doing here?
NORM: Oh, just about to go on duty. Thought I'd stop by and have me a few words with the Sheriff.
SARA: Oh? About what?
NORM: Oh...things. This and that. By the way, what'd you think of that race today? Wasn't that somethin'?
SARA (wary): What race is that, Norm?
NORM: That race I won. The race Johnny Del Grissom took you to.
She stares at him with distaste, making a huge effort to keep her voice level.
SARA: I think you must be mistaken.
NORM: C'mon darlin' you didn't think that crouchin' down in that towtruck like that was gonna fool me, even for an instant, did you?
He moves in close, pressing her against the wall of the house, putting his face close to hers.
NORM: Just what were you doin' to that boy all crouched down like that?
She tries to slap him, but he catches her by the wrist. He kisses her fingers lightly, then presses her hand back against the wall and holds it there. Their eyes locked all the while.
NORM: Sara Jane...darlin'...the day's gonna come...soon...when you're gonna wish you'd been a lot nicer to ol' Norm Babbitt.
She spits in his face.
SARA: This ain't the day.
NORM: I can see that.
He releases her and very calmly wipes his face with his sleeve.
NORM: But the day will come.
He turns and heads for his patrol car, tipping his hat jauntily.
NORM: Awful nice to see you again, Sara Jane. Have a nice day now, y'hear?
Disgusted, she turns and enters the house."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Despite that it is mostly chase scenes, I think the script read so quickly because the stakes were so well defined from the start.
Black Cat Run (1998 TV movie)(undated draft)
by Frank Darabont
Story by Frank Darabont & Douglas Venturelli
I knew about writer-director Frank Darabont for his well known adaptations (Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, The Walking Dead).
However, this was the first original story and script of his that I'd ever seen before.
This is a chase story which takes up about 3/4 of the script.
How do you keep the audience emotionally engaged that long?
It's hard enough when there is one chase, but when there are TWO chases?
In one word: Stakes.
For example, in this script:
Setup for 1st CHASE:
- Johnny pumps gas at his dad's station. Sara believes in his big dreams.
- When Sara Jane is kidnapped by escaped cons, Johnny chases after them.
- I have no problem believing this chase because Johnny loves Sara
Setup for 2nd CHASE:
- The writers wanted someone to chase Johnny to increase the tension.
- But why would anyone chase Johnny?
- The writers needed a character who wasn't entirely objective and took things very personally, i.e., Norm, the deputy sheriff who wants to date Sara.
- What are the stakes for Norm? Ego (so strong that it lasts 3/4 the script!)
- Note in the scene below how the writer sets it up so we believe that Norm is the pig headed type who could easily be stirred up into chasing after Johnny.
ex. "EXT. HADDONTON - DAY
...NORM: Howdy, Sara Jane. You're lookin' mighty pretty today.
SARA: Norm. What are you doing here?
NORM: Oh, just about to go on duty. Thought I'd stop by and have me a few words with the Sheriff.
SARA: Oh? About what?
NORM: Oh...things. This and that. By the way, what'd you think of that race today? Wasn't that somethin'?
SARA (wary): What race is that, Norm?
NORM: That race I won. The race Johnny Del Grissom took you to.
She stares at him with distaste, making a huge effort to keep her voice level.
SARA: I think you must be mistaken.
NORM: C'mon darlin' you didn't think that crouchin' down in that towtruck like that was gonna fool me, even for an instant, did you?
He moves in close, pressing her against the wall of the house, putting his face close to hers.
NORM: Just what were you doin' to that boy all crouched down like that?
She tries to slap him, but he catches her by the wrist. He kisses her fingers lightly, then presses her hand back against the wall and holds it there. Their eyes locked all the while.
NORM: Sara Jane...darlin'...the day's gonna come...soon...when you're gonna wish you'd been a lot nicer to ol' Norm Babbitt.
She spits in his face.
SARA: This ain't the day.
NORM: I can see that.
He releases her and very calmly wipes his face with his sleeve.
NORM: But the day will come.
He turns and heads for his patrol car, tipping his hat jauntily.
NORM: Awful nice to see you again, Sara Jane. Have a nice day now, y'hear?
Disgusted, she turns and enters the house."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Despite that it is mostly chase scenes, I think the script read so quickly because the stakes were so well defined from the start.
Black Cat Run (1998 TV movie)(undated draft)
by Frank Darabont
Story by Frank Darabont & Douglas Venturelli
Monday, September 2, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Greedy (1994) - Putting a "Button" on a Comedy Scene
[Quick Summary: When rich old Uncle Joe hires a "nurse," the estranged family lures back his favorite nephew, Daniel Jr., in hopes that he can get rid of the nurse.]
I'm sure someone else can define better the "button" of a comedy scene.
For me, it's the last joke of the scene that:
1) "bursts the tension bubble" of the build up and sums up the scene, and
2) sends us off with a laugh.
No one does it better than Ganz & Mandel.
Note in the example below:
- Rich old Uncle Joe is descending in an open elevator.
- Carl and his family, one of Uncle's bloodsucking family members, descends beside him on the staircase.
- Carl touts the success of his nine year old son, named after Uncle. [build up of hot air, tension]
- Then the nine year old has the button line. [bursts the balloon!]
ex. "INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY
...During the preceding, Douglas has pushed the chair into a small ELEVATOR CAGE. There's only room in it for Douglas and Joe in the chair. The elevator cage slowly descends, leaving the others on the landing. [This chase builds the tension.]
NINE-YEAR-OLD: Why don't we just cut the cable?
NORA: Ssh!
Carl and Nora look at each other, then at the elevator...
CARL (sotto): It's too thick.
The family descends a spiral staircase which surrounds the elevator. They hurry to keep up.
CARL (CONT'D): Did you hear what happened to General Fruit Company? the old man died and he left it to his son --who had no head for business -- and eight months later, they were bankrupt --the work of a lifetime, down the drain. You should see how Big Joe -- our Big Joe -- what a head for business he has. Already -- just nine years old -- he organized this snow-shoveling company with the other fourth graders. It was amazing. [Carl touts Big Joe's accomplishments to make an unspoken good impression on Uncle.]
They've all reached the bottom Joe comes off the elevator.
JOE (to the nine-year-old): So, you're interested in money.
NINE-YEAR-OLD: Uh-huh. I made ten bucks just comin' here. [Button: His admission points out how desperate his parents are to make a good impression!]
His parents GASP." [We laugh at the audacity. We know the scene has ended.]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The "button" does more than make us laugh as a punchline. It's also a valuable tool to skewer, prick the tension balloon, add irony, reverse expectations, etc.
Greedy (1994)(pre-production draft, 4/14/93)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
I'm sure someone else can define better the "button" of a comedy scene.
For me, it's the last joke of the scene that:
1) "bursts the tension bubble" of the build up and sums up the scene, and
2) sends us off with a laugh.
No one does it better than Ganz & Mandel.
Note in the example below:
- Rich old Uncle Joe is descending in an open elevator.
- Carl and his family, one of Uncle's bloodsucking family members, descends beside him on the staircase.
- Carl touts the success of his nine year old son, named after Uncle. [build up of hot air, tension]
- Then the nine year old has the button line. [bursts the balloon!]
ex. "INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY
...During the preceding, Douglas has pushed the chair into a small ELEVATOR CAGE. There's only room in it for Douglas and Joe in the chair. The elevator cage slowly descends, leaving the others on the landing. [This chase builds the tension.]
NINE-YEAR-OLD: Why don't we just cut the cable?
NORA: Ssh!
Carl and Nora look at each other, then at the elevator...
CARL (sotto): It's too thick.
The family descends a spiral staircase which surrounds the elevator. They hurry to keep up.
CARL (CONT'D): Did you hear what happened to General Fruit Company? the old man died and he left it to his son --who had no head for business -- and eight months later, they were bankrupt --the work of a lifetime, down the drain. You should see how Big Joe -- our Big Joe -- what a head for business he has. Already -- just nine years old -- he organized this snow-shoveling company with the other fourth graders. It was amazing. [Carl touts Big Joe's accomplishments to make an unspoken good impression on Uncle.]
They've all reached the bottom Joe comes off the elevator.
JOE (to the nine-year-old): So, you're interested in money.
NINE-YEAR-OLD: Uh-huh. I made ten bucks just comin' here. [Button: His admission points out how desperate his parents are to make a good impression!]
His parents GASP." [We laugh at the audacity. We know the scene has ended.]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The "button" does more than make us laugh as a punchline. It's also a valuable tool to skewer, prick the tension balloon, add irony, reverse expectations, etc.
Greedy (1994)(pre-production draft, 4/14/93)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
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