TODAY'S NUGGET: Tomorrow Never Dies (1997) - The Writer's Job is To Find Ideas

[Quick Summary: Bond faces off with a media mogul who provokes a UK-China war for the benefit of his media empire.]

Q: You don't like reading first drafts, so what's the point here?
A: It's the only draft widely available.

Q: But the final script is so, so different. Isn't this a waste of time?
A: Not if you want to know WHY stories work (or not).

Q: I don't need to. I know the screenplay format.
A: The technical stuff is only part of the job. And in my opinion, the easiest.

Q: Fine, fine. What are you looking for?
A: The sifting of ideas.* 

Q: Huh? I have a bazillion ideas!
A: But how do you know if it's the right idea? And how to best execute it? 

This script is the beginning of that sifting process.  

It lays out a potential villain, a manipulating media mogul out to cause a shipwreck and steal 1/3 of the UK's gold reserves. Good idea, right?

But along the way, I simply stopped caring.  The execution in this early draft didn't deliver mogul vs. Bond thrills, despite a lot of action scenes. 

However, it did flesh out a villain and his wife (ex-lover of Bond's).  Here is one line which I thought made clear the villain** is the manipulative type:

HARMSWAY: I give this boat to mankind - selflessly - in pure charity - asking nothing for myself...But the cable TV rights.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This early draft got the tone and action pacing right.  However, it is searching for better situations, which is the endless job of the writer.

Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)(1st draft, 8/23/96)
by Bruce Feirstein

*Screenwriter Jean-Claude Carriere, who has thought a lot about screenwriting, said it much better in an interview:

The work of a screenwriter is not only to write a film and to know all about the technical side of things: the sound, the images, the editing. His work, his function, is to look for new ideas. That is very important. To be able to offer a bouquet of different ideas. Not only one.

** For Bond fans: He is re-named Elliott Carver in the films.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Keeper of the Flame (1942) - When Crafting a "Perfect" Line of Dialogue

[Quick Summary: After a popular national hero dies in a bridge accident, a journalist seeks to separate fact from fiction, but falls for the man's widow.]

Donald Ogden Stewart (screenwriter, novelist, playwright) was a studio writer who adapted six scripts featuring Hepburn, Tracy, or both.* 

I have liked the delicate balance of his scripts.  He was always driving to a point without being too obvious, or on-the-nose.

So when I saw that he included an alternative line of dialogue for a pivotal scene here, I wondered, "Was he worried about being too on the nose?"

I can see him trying to hit a certain tone with that line (and its alternative).

In the scene below:
- It is the first meeting of journalist Steve O'Malley and widow Mrs. Forrest.
- He has managed to get around security and up to the house. 
- This is about "do I trust you?" Mrs. Forrest is particularly hiding secrets.
- I've bolded the line and its alternative below.  Both are good, but feel just shy of the mark.

INTERIOR - FRONT HALL - FORREST HOME

...

STEVE: I had visioned ---I'm very sorry to do this to you, Mrs. Forrest. I had hoped perhaps just to leave a note. A friend of Mr. Forrest's told me you might be glad to see me. (as Christine looks at him inquiringly) The gatekeeper's boy.
CHRISTINE: Poor little Jeb --
STEVE (sympathetically): He thinks he killed his hero --

Christine give him a sharp look.

STEVE (continuing): --because he didn't warn him about the bridge.
CHRISTINE (in a curious, dry-mouthed tone): Really? (after a moment) Boys loved Mr. Forrest. I've had letters. Sweet letters. Heart-breaking letters. He was the light of their eyes. (her voice dulls) It seems that the light has gone out.
STEVE: No. (she looks at him) It burns brighter than ever. It must burn always. We must see to that.
CHRISTINE (a little coldly): We?
STEVE: Yes. We. Everybody who was guided by that light, who drew warmth from that flame. You can protect the flame.
CHRISTINE: I tried to.
STEVE: Let us help you. You aren't alone. That's what I came to tell you.
CHRISTINE: I tried. (she looks at Steve for a moment) I had wondered if you spoke as you wrote.
STEVE: I speak as I feel -- and I feel deeply about this.
CHRISTINE: What do you want from me?
STEVE: The life of Robert Forrest.
CHRISTINE (almost bitterly): I can't give it to you -- it's been taken away.
STEVE: You can tell it to me.
CHRISTINE (coldly): The facts of his life are there for anyone to read.
STEVE: I want you to read them to me. I want the truth. [This is better than the tired, old "I want you to tell me the truth." But it's still a little boring.]

The following is an alternative line for the above:

STEVE: Will you read them to me? [This is also a smart way of saying the same thing, but is it witty enough?]
CHRISTINE (resentfully): What would you like -- the size of his underwear, the color of the hair on his chest, the sound of his laugh, the touch of his hand --? (her voice rises emotionally)
STEVE: I'm sorry. I'll go now. But perhaps tomorrow --
CHRISTINE: I don't understand you, Mr. O'Malley. Why should I tell you anything? I've seen you five minutes. I don't know you, anything about you. I wish you would go.
STEVE: I've seen you five minutes -- and I feel that I know you very well.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When you're are trying, trying, trying to craft that impossible perfect line, cut yourself some slack. 

Give it your best - it's "close to this" - and move on.

Keeper of the Flame (1942)(7/7/42 draft w/revisions)
by Donald Ogden Stewart
Based on the novel by I.A.R. Wylie

* He wrote four scripts starring Hepburn: Holiday (1938), The Philadelphia Story (1940), Keeper of the Flame (1942), Without Love (1945).

He wrote four scripts starring Tracy:  Keeper of the Flame (1942), Without Love (1945), Cass Timberlane (1947), Edward, My Son (1949).

TODAY'S NUGGET: Hitchcock's The Lost Night (Unproduced) - Clash of Writer vs. Director's Vision; Double Use of Prop for Suspense

[Quick Summary: After his brother's murderer escapes from prison, an insurance salesman goes undercover in Finland to find the man via his wife and kids, but ends up falling in love.]

Though I don't typically read unproduced scripts, this one (well, two) got me thinking about how a writer may/may not be able to work with a director's vision.

The 1978 draft.  I went in cold to this unsigned draft, not realizing it was likely written by Ernest Lehman (6 time Oscar nominee; North by Northwest). 

There are some holes, but it's got Lehman's elegance to it.

The 1980 rewrite draft. Then I read this still-in-progress draft by David Freeman and Hitchcock in the last six months of the latter's life.* 

I liked many of the Hitchcock touches, especially fleshing out of shots.  I did not like that it lost some of Lehman's elegance throughout. 

Working with a Director.  After reading these two scripts (and Freeman's experience coming into the process), I'm now seeing how visions did not gel.

Lehman wrote a good script, but Hitchcock did not like it. I wonder now - was Hitchcock after something else? Maybe pushing, fumbling for something new?**

Opening scene. Lehman's opening is elegant, but conventional: The protagonist looks out of an office window.  He sees a  news crawl about the escaped convict.

Freeman/Hitchcock's opening has a very different tone: more attention grabbing, both ridiculous and suspense filled.  

It starts at the prison with the accomplice, Brennan, who is trying to throw a rope ladder to the antagonist, Brand:

EXT. LONDON - ARTILLERY ROAD - 6:45 PM

A drizzly London evening in the fall.

Wormwood Scrubs Prison and Hammersmith Hospital sit side by side. Artillery Road, hardly more than a service lane runs between them.

...Brennan has the boot open, about to remove a rope ladder.

BRAND (V.O.): God damn it, what are you doing there? It's all going to be over...It's too late...

Headlights illuminate the boot as Brennan is removing the ladder. He drops it quickly and turns to see an old Morris approaching.

He closes the boot and reaches into the mums, turning off the walkie-talkie, silencing Brand's voice.

The Morris stops adjacent to Brennan. An Elderly Couple are in the car. The woman leans across her husband and speaks to Brennan.

ELDERLY WOMAN: Excuse me young man, we're looking for the hospital.
ELDERLY MAN: Hammersmith Hospital. It's on Du Cane --
BRENNAN: Yes...Yes. This is it. Straight on and turn  to the left. Visitors' entrance is to the left.
ELDERLY MAN (to his wife): What did he say?
ELDERLY WOMAN (loudly): He said it's to the left for the visitors' entrance.

OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL

BRAND: What's wrong? What is it? Answer me damn you, answer. What is it?

ARTILLERY ROAD

ELDERLY MAN: Where should we park?
ELDERLY WOMAN: My husband wants to know...
BRENNAN: On the street. Park on the street. You just go up and turn to the left. Hurry or you'll miss visiting hours. They're very strict.
ELDERLY WOMAN (re Brennan's flowers): Mums?
BRENNAN: Yes. Hurry along now.
ELDERLY WOMAN (holds up bouquet): Me too. For our daughter-in-law. Her liver's shot to hell.
BRENNAN: Lovely. Hurry along.
ELDERLY WOMAN: Thank you. (loudly to her husband) It's to the left. We park on the street.

The Morris pulls away, slowly.

Brennan opens the boot again, grabs the rope ladder and flips on the walkie-talkie. When it clicks on, a torrent of abuse comes out.

BRAND (V.O.)(midsentence; almost in tears): ...not going back. Where the bloody hell are you? I can see the first of them coming back. You've bollixed it. You bloody Irish ass. I'm not going back. I'm not. I'm not going back.
BRENNAN: We're there. We're there.

He drops the mums on the ground, and tries to find a spot to throw from. He steps back into the road, then moves forward again and climbs up onto the back of his car.

The mums are on the ground with Brand's pleas coming out.

BRAND (V.O.): You drunken ass. You bloody Irish fool. You've killed me. You've done it. It's on your head.

Brennan winds up and tosses the ladder, hard and high.

PRISON SIDE OF WALL

As the ladder comes floating over the wall.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I do wish the two drafts could've been married closer, as both have strengths missing in the other (elegance, creative play).

Also, I do admire the double use of the mums in Hitchcock's opening as 1) walkie-talkie camouflage, and 2) focal point to increase suspense.

The Short Night (11/9/78, revised)
by Ernest Lehman (I think)
Based on the novel, "The Short Night," by Ronald Kirkbride

The Short Night (1980, revised) - unproduced script published in 1984
by David Freeman

*I highly recommend reading Freeman's book, which has several fascinating chapters about his daily routine working with Hitchcock in these last six months.

At this point in time (1979-80), Hitchcock was not in the best of health, and would pass soon.  His last (and 53rd) film, Family Plot (1976), had come out three years earlier, and not to rave reviews. It was written by Lehman.

** In his review of Family Plot, Roger Ebert notes: "...it's a delight for two contradictory reasons: because it's pure Hitchcock, with its meticulous construction and attention to detail, and because it's something new for Hitchcock -- a macabre comedy, essentially." (my emphasis)

TODAY'S NUGGET: Goldeneye (1995) - Improving a Villain from Early to Later Drafts (Betrayal)

[Quick Summary: After Russians have stolen plans for the Goldeneye weapons program, Bond must stop them.]

Generally, I don't tend to read early drafts unless:
1) There are no other drafts available; and/or
2) I'm particularly interested in how the writer(s) solved problems. 

Today's script meet both of these criteria.  It was written by Michael France, who eventually received "story by" credit on the final film. 

BEST THING OF THIS EARLY DRAFT: It lays out the dynamic between Bond and an antagonist Trevelyan, who defected to Russia. Not much motive, stakes.

BEST THING THAT LATER DRAFTS DID: The writers upped Trevelyan from mere 'defector' to 006 and added a betrayal which increased motive and stakes.  

Now Trevelyan is agent 006 --> he and Bond team up for a botched mission --> Bond thinks 006 is dead --> 006 survives, works for Russia, comes after Bond.

You can see how a baseline antagonism in the scene below (early draft) would be heightened by the addition of a personal betrayal (later draft): 

EXT. AN OUTER PART OF THE PALACE - BOND

...BOND

walks toward Trevelyan, regaining his aplomb as he does. Two things are crystal clear. One is that bond want to kill this man very much. The other is that it's taking all his self-discipline to avoid attempting it here.

Trevelyan, on the other hand, wears the smirking armor of a man who feels he's already decisively vanquished his opponent.

BOND: Augustus Trevelyan --

TREVELYAN (indicates reception): I'll miss this particular struggle -- won't you, James? As Frederick the Great once said -- "Diplomacy without armaments is like music without instruments." (points to Kremlin wall) Now that it's over, I can tell you -- part of my charade is that I'm buried right over there -- three plots down from Khrushchev. Seems childish now. (offers his hand) You are surprised to find me still alive, I suppose?

BOND: More than that -- I'm delighted. (doesn't take hand) It's always been a great disappointment to me that I wasn't able to kill you personally.

Trevelyan laughs genuinely, as is this were a bon mot instead of the very real threat it is. He withdraws his hand.

TREVELYAN: Don't be ridiculous, Bond. It was a schoolboy's game that we played a long time ago. Two empires, battling to change the world. The battle is over -- (gestures around) -- and it seems to me that the world has not changed so much for it. Now, men like  you and I look for new games. That is all.

BOND (with quiet contempt): Is that how you live with betrayal and murder, Trevelyan? By calling it a game?

New Trevelyan seems genuinely disappointed in Bond.

TREVELYAN: That question is beneath both of us, James. I might as well ask yo if the vodka martinis ever completely still the voices of all the men you've killed. (still conversational) OR if you ever find forgiveness, in the arms of all those women, for the one that you failed to protect (dismissing him) My conscience is clean, James. Yours, I think, is rather crowded.

Bond's fury is silent -- controlled -- but unmistakable -- 

BOND: Certainly there's room for one more --

TREVELYAN (ice): Please, James, no embarrassing bravado, no vows to kill me -- you had your opportunity some time ago. (starting a certainty) You won't get another.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked how the writers turned the Trevelyan character from a mere villain to one who has real personal issues with Bond. 

He was one of many (early draft) and became a stand out (later drafts).

Goldeneye (1995)(1st draft, 1/94)
by Michael France

TODAY'S NUGGET: Licence to Kill (1988) - When a "Romantic" Scene Lacks Believeability

[Quick Summary: When a drug lord kills the bride and maims the groom (Leiter), groomsman Bond goes on an unsanctioned hunt for the villain.]

Pam, a CIA contract pilot and one of Leiter's informants, was to meet him at a bar. After Leiter is wounded, Bond decides to meet with her instead.   

There's a shootout at the bar with drug lord's henchmen. Pam and Bond escape onto a cigarette boat (scene below).

So what is this scene about? A business deal.  Even grudging admiration.

But ROMANCE? PASSION? Any HEAT whatsoever? Certainly not enough to justify twinkle in eye --> kiss --> kiss --> "presses her passionately" at the end.

There's no baiting of the hook, and tug of the line.  Where's the fun if it's all one sided, no back-and-forth? How can I buy the romance if there's no chemistry?

INT. CIGARETTE COCKPIT  PAM AND BOND

at the controls, working them  he looks at dials.

INSERT GAS GAUGES

indicate empty.

BOND

He looks toward the shore, still irate.

BOND: They must have hit a fuel line.

PAM steps up next to him.

PAM: Out of gas? I haven't heard that one in a long time.
BOND (calming down): Take us a couple of hours to drift in. Look, I'm going to need your help. I want a complete rundown on Sanchez' operation...and a private charter to Isthmus City. No one must know I've left.

She looks at him steadily.

PAM: What do you want to go there for?
BOND: I'll pay you very well.
PAM: You're going after Sanchez, aren't you?
BOND: Will you help me?
PAM: How many men you got?
BOND: Just you and me.
PAM (a disbelieving laugh): You crazy? Sanchez has a whole army protecting him down there.
BOND: Then just drop me there and leave. Fifty thousand.

She steps between Bond and the dashboard of the boat. The wind blows her hair. She looks up at him, a twinkle in her eye.

PAM (ticking off on her fingers): It's not that easy. A false flight plan. I'll have to pay-off people at Isthmus City Airport...A job like that is going to cost at least a Hundred.
BOND: Alright. Sixty.
PAM: Ninety.
BOND: Seventy.
PAM: Eighty.
BOND: Seventy-five.
PAM: You pay the fuel?
BOND: We use your plane.
PAM: Deal.

She reaches up and kisses him fully on the lips to seal the bargain. They part.

BOND: Why don't you want 'til you're asked?
PAM: Why don't you ask me.

She kisses him again. He presses her passionately back against the wheel.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: In fly fishing circles, there's a saying, "The tug is the drug."  

In this scene, the fisherman doesn't even have to cast a line out. Fish are throwing themselves into the boat. This is NOT romantic.

Licence to Kill (1988)(final draft)
by Michael G. Wilson and Richard Maibaum

TODAY'S NUGGET: Meet Joe Black (1998) - Setting Mood of Doubt from Pg. 1

[Quick Summary: In exchange for a few more days with his family, a media owner makes an agreement with Death to be his guide on Earth.]

I read this script this week, in my quest to read as many Bo Goldman scripts as possible.  (He's listed as the last of four screenwriters. Maybe tough adaptation?)

I remembered this film did not hang together for me, despite great performances (which critic Roger Ebert explains much better here). 

Thus I was surprised how much the script captured my attention from p. 1.

I really liked how little phrases set the mood with hints of doubts about the protagonist when he becomes aware of Death as a being (I've bolded them below):

INT. PARRISH'S BEDROOM - 4:00 AM

MOVE THROUGH the doorway to reveal a master bedroom furnished with exquisite simplicity, revelatory of its sleeping occupant, WILLIAM PARRISH, 64, a warm but commanding face, a man of maturity yet who exudes a glow of enthusiasm.

Although asleep, there is an uncommon restlessness to him. Parrish grips his upper arm as if in pain. Now the severity of the pain wakes him, he squeezes his arm. The wind comes up, through the wind a VOICE is heard distantly, or is it the wind itself:

VOICE (V.O.): ...Yes.

Parrish blinks, has he heard something, has he not, he is not sure, he releases his arm, his grimace of pain fades, the discomfort seems momentarily to have subsided.

He rises now, crosses to the bathroom. As he pees, a breeze outside the window, the wind again, but then the Voice comes up:

VOICE (V.O.): Yes...

It is unmistakably a Voice, it is not the wind, Parrish has heard something, he looks around, but no one is there. He can't finish peeing, turns back to his bedroom. All bewildered, Parrish looks around once more, climbs back into bed, trying to trace the source of what he has heard or hasn't heard; he is not sure.

He pulls the covers up now, not a SOUND, tries to close his eyes.

VOICE (V.O.): Yes.

Parrish sits up again, frightened, but still there is no one there, he seems fraught with indecision, should he get up, should he not, what is happening? He looks out: absolute stillness and silence, CRICKETS chirp down by the river, a light FLICKERS from a shadboat, Parrish closes his eyes but then they flutter open, he glances up at the ceiling and finally, exhausted, falls back asleep.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The writer's job is to engage the reader. This first page made me feel the doubt and spiked my curiosity: What is this about? I must turn the page and find out.

Meet Joe Black (1996)(Bo Goldman draft, 10/4/96)
by Ron Osborn & Jeff Reno, and Kevin Wade, and Bo Goldman
Inspired by the earlier screenplay, Death Takes a Holiday (1934), by Maxwell Anderson and Gladys Lehman
Inspired by the play by Alberto Casella and Walter Ferris

TODAY'S NUGGET: Charade (1963) - Balancing Genre Tones (Mystery, Romcom); Earning the Kiss Takes TIME

[Quick Summary: After her husband steals a fortune from five thieves, a widow falls for one of the men pursuing her.]

If nailing the tone in a romantic comedies is tricky, it's exponentially harder when mixing in another genre.  How does one balance them??

Let's look at this script, which is:
- a mystery (puzzle)
- with the spine of a rom-com (two people become a couple). 

I think these two things keep this script balanced: 

1) The essential question for a romcom is, "What is keeping the couple apart?"
- Here, it is the mystery of the location of the stolen money.
- Also, the subtext to this mystery is motive, "What does she/he want?".
- HER: Does he want me, or the money?
- HIM: Is she more important to me, or the money?

2) MORE TIME THAN YOU THINK. For a kiss to feel earned, there needs to be a closeness, a shared vulnerability. It's not a secret this only happens with time. 

The scene belong is long, but shows how balance works:
- Note the tone never falls to ALL mystery or ALL romcom.
- They're talking about the mystery, but the subtext is "me or the money."
- After they've revealed vulnerabilities, she feels secure enough for a kiss.
- Note: He lied to her, saying he was the brother of one of the thieves (Dyle).

EXT. SEINE - BATEAU MOUCHE -- DUSK

... DYLE: Are you trying to say that I might have killed Charles and Scobie?

She doesn't answer.

DYLE: What do I have to do to satisfy you -- become the next victim?
REGGIE: It's a start, anyway.
DYLE: I don't understand you at all -- one minute you're chasing me around the shower room and the next you're accusing me of murder.
REGGIE: Carson Dyle didn't have a brother.

WIDER ANGLE

She rises from the table and walks away. DYLE hesitates a moment, then follows.

DYLE: I can explain if you'll just listen. Will you listen? [He begins to open up.]
REGGIE (looking at river): I can't very well leave without a pair of water wings.
DYLE: Okay. Then get set for the story of my life -- not that it would ever make the best-seller list.
REGGIE: Fiction or non-fiction?
DYLE: Why don't you shut up!
REGGIE: Well!
DYLE: Are you going to listen?
REGGIE: Go on.
DYLE: After I graduated college I was all set to go into my father business. Umbrella frames -- that's what he made. It was a sensible business, I suppose, but I didn't have the sense to be interested in anything sensible. [He's sharing his story, but it may be a lie.]
REGGIE: I suppose all this is leading somewhere?
DYLE: It led me away from umbrella frames, for one thing. But that left me without any honest means of support.
REGGIE: What do you mean?
DYLE: When a man has no profession except the one he loathes, what's left? I began looking for people with more money than they'd ever need -- including some they'd barely miss.
REGGIE: (astonished): You mean, you're a thief?
DYLE: Well, it isn't exactly the term I'd have chosen, but I suppose it captures the spirit of the thing.
REGGIE: I don't believe it.
DYLE: Well, I can't really blame you -- not now.
REGGIE: But I do believe it -- that's what I don't believe. So it's goodbye Alexander Dye -- Welcome home Peter Joshua. [She allows herself to believe.]
DYLE: Sorry, the name's Adam Canfield.
REGGIE: Adam Canfield. Wonderful. Do you realize you've had three names in the past two days? I don't even know who I'm talking to any more.
DYLE (now called ADAM): The man's the same, even if the name isn't.
REGGIE: No -- he's not the same. Alexander Dyle was interested in clearing up his brother's death. Adam Canfied is a crook. And with all the advantages you've got -- brains, charm, education, a handsome face --  [She admits to feelings.]
ADAM: Oh, come on!
REGGIE: -- there has to be a darn good reason for living the way you do. I want to know what it is.
ADAM: It's simple. I like what I do -- I enjoy doing it. There aren't many men who love their work as much as I do. Look around some time.
REGGIE: Is there a Mrs. Canfield?
ADAM: Yes, but --
ADAM REGGIE (together): -- we're divorced.  [More personal revelations.]
ADAM: Right. Now go eat your dinner.

ANOTHER ANGLE

They walk back to the table, where a WAITER is busy putting food on it, mostly on REGGIE's side.

REGGIE (miserably): I could eat a horse.
ADAM (looking at all the food): I think that's what you ordered.
REGGIE: Don't you dare to be civil with me! All this time you were leading me on --
ADAM: How was I leading you on?
REGGIE: All that marvelous rejection -- you know I couldn't resist it. Now it turns out you were only interested in the money.  [She admits he got to her.]
ADAM: That's right.
REGGIE (HURT): Oh!  [Her vulnerable moment.]
ADAM: What would you like me to say -- that a pretty girl with an outrageous manner means more to an old pro like me than a quarter of a million dollars? [His vulnerable moment.]
REGGIE: No -- I guess not.
ADAM: It's a toss-up, I can tell you that.
REGGIE: What?
ADAM: Don't you know I'm having a tough time keeping my eyes off of you? [Vulnerable moment.]

REGGIE reacts in surprise.

ADAM: Oh, you should see your face.  [Moment of shared humor.]
REGGIE: What about it?
ADAM (taking her hand, nicely): It's lovely. [Sincere compliment.]

She looks at him with happy amazement, then pushes her plate away.

ADAM: What's the matter?
REGGIE: I'm not hungry -- isn't it glorious? [She is finally secure.]

The lights go out.

REGGIE (alarmed): Adam!
ADAM: It's all right -- look.

EXT. SEINE BATEAU MOUCHE - NIGHT

A searchlight near the boat's bridge has gone on and now begins sweeping the river banks. On benches by the water's edge, lovers are surprised by the bright light which suddenly and without warning discovers them in various attitudes of mutual affection. Some are embarrassed, some are amused and some (the most intimate) damn annoyed. One even shakes his fist at the light.

MED. SHOT -- REGGIE AND ADAM

Who, like everyone else, leave the table and stand together at the rail watching.

REGGIE: You don't look so bad in this light.
ADAM: Why do you think I brought you here?
REGGIE (indicating the lovers): I thought maybe you wanted me to see the kind of work the competition was turning out.
ADAM: Pretty good, huh? I taught them everything they do.
REGGIE: Oh? Did they do that sort of thing way back in your day?
ADAM: How do you think I got here?

She rises on tip-toes and kisses him gently; his only reaction is to look at her.  [She makes the first move!]

REGGIE: Aren't you allowed to kiss back?
ADAM: No. The doctor said it would be bad for my -- thermostat.

She kisses him again. He responds a little better.

ADAM: When you come on, you really come on.
REGGIE: Well -- come on.

She starts to kiss him again, but he stops her.

REGGIE: I know why you're not taken -- no one can catch up with you.
ADAM: Relax -- you're gaining.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: 1) Put the mystery between the lovers; 2) An excellent subtext of a mystery is "me or the money." 3) Truthful intimacy will take time on the page.

Charade (1963)(10/1/62 draft)
by Peter Stone
Based on a story by Peter Stone and Marc Behm

TODAY'S NUGGET: Octopussy (1983) - Show, Not Tell, Through Sequencing (Time Jump, POV Shot)

[Quick Summary: After a fellow agent dies carrying a Fabrege egg, Bond's search uncovers a plot to unleash nuclear weapons.]

I started reading Bond scripts after reading an interview with writer Richard Maibaum.*  How did he deliver what were fans looking for?

One key is keeping the audience surprised and off guard, which is quite a feat.

I am amazed how much Octopussy still stands out amongst the Roger Moore era films,** which tend to be more fantastical and campy than the others.***

I watched the film before reading the script, and this opening scene (below) caught me off guard because it is quite tense and ramps up quickly.

Upon reading the script, I was particularly impressed how the writers did this all with a discreet time jump + clown's POV shot.  

It "shows, not tell" and relies on the audience to put 1 + 1 together.

NOTE:
- A clown (yes, a clown) is running from twin knife throwers in East Berlin at night.
- One twin threw a knife, which hit the clown in the back. He fell into the river.
- Notice how efficiently the writers move us from man in the river --> out of river --> embassy.  It is all POV and what we think we've seen.
- Weir = small dam in a stream or river.

TWINS ON CONCRETE PLATFORM

Looking O.S.

THEIR POV

Between PILLARS. CLOWN, apparently dead, being carried away by the current on the other side of the weir. His clown's coat, ballooning out, keeps him afloat.

TWINS

VOPOS above and beyond them on SPAN OF WEIR. TWINS whisper, turn, scramble from platform to riverbank, scurry up it and out of scene.

EAST BERLIN - IMPRESSIVE BUILDING - NIGHT

MUSIC from within. Cars with formally dressed GUESTS arriving for reception at brightly lit main entrance. CAMERA MOVES IN CLOSE ON PILLARED GATE POST, PLAQUE identifies BRITISH EMBASSY. 

NEW ANGLE - MAIN ENTRANCE

CAMERA SHOOTING FROM LANDSCAPED GARDEN. SOUND of heavy gasping, then a moan. CAMERA, lurching, weaving, is now someone moving labouredly toward FRENCH DOORS in building wing.

INSIDE EMBASSY ANTE-ROOM

CAMERA CLOSE ON AMBASSADOR'S REFLECTION IN MIRROR as he straightens Order on shirtfront. ANGLE WIDENS when he turns for approval to HIS WIFE who smiles and adjusts his white tie. O.S. MUSIC AND CONVERSATION HUM, suddenly louder as door opens and ATTACHE enters, then stands beside it. AMBASSADOR offers arm to his wife. She takes it. They start toward the door to greet guests. She stops suddenly, her eyes widening apprehensively. She gasps.

HER POV ACROSS THE ROOM

FRENCH DOORS. Pressed against it outside is the ghastly face of THE CLOWN. ZOOM TO GLASS DOOR which smashes as he falls through it, still drenched and bloody, into the room.

GROUP

AMBASSADOR, WIFE, and ATTACHE, stunned and horriifed, stare down at CLOWN lying with one arm outflung toward them. CAMERA IN CLOSE ON HIS HAND. As he dies it opens and a glittering FABERGE EGG rolls out. CAMERA PANS WITH IT until it comes to rest against the Ambassador's foot.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Really think outside the box of how to show, not tell.

Here, the writers sped up the boring parts (ex. clown getting out of river --> finding way into embassy) with a clean time jump (embassy exterior --> clown POV).

Octopussy (1983)(rev. 8/19/82)
by George MacDonald Fraser and Richard Maibaum & Michael G. Wilson

*Maibaum wrote on the first 13 (of 26) Bond films. 

**This film is the 6th of 7 films with Roger Moore as James Bond (13th of 26 films).

***Tangentially, I've quickly learned that Bond fans: 1) love, love, love to rank the films in a bazillion different way; and 2) generally categorize the films by the actor era (Connery, Lazenby, Moore, Dalton, Bronan, Craig). 

TODAY'S NUGGET: For Your Eyes Only (1981) - Avoiding Deus Ex Machina (Just Barely) in Rescuing Bond

[Quick Summary: After vessel goes missing, Bond must find a stolen coded transmitter for submarines.]

This is the 5th of 7 films with Roger Moore as James Bond (12th of 26 films). 

In short, the story isn't the strongest. I wasn't very worried for Bond, as he seemed to get in and out of situations too easily, i.e., there was no real peril.

However, in the scene below, I did wonder, "How is going to get out of this?"  

I will note that it seems "very convenient" that a crossbow bolt was there to save Bond.  Is this a "deus ex machina* situation? Just barely. Why?

I think this one is borderline acceptable to me because the shooter (a woman bent on revenge for her parents' death) took the shot when she could.  

The shooter had her own agenda.  Though it saved Bond, it was unintentional and unplanned. Maybe a coincidence, but also within the realm of possibility.

EXT. VILLA - GROUP AROUND POOL

...One of the THUGS shows him BOND'S GUN.

GONZALES (affably): A Walther PPK. Standard Issue, British Secret Service. Licence to kill --

He glances at LOCQUE who nods.

GONZALES: Or be killed. (to thugs) Take him away.

He walks onto diving board. THUGS prod BOND. They start out.

POV SHOT - SOMEONE PARTING SHRUBBERY

to look through at GONZALES posing to dive as GIRLS and OTHERS WATCH.

REVERSE ANGLE - GONZALES

as he dives a METALLIC TWANG is audible from O.S. He does not immediately surface.

SURFACE OF POOL - GONZALES' DEAD BODY

floating up. A CROSSBOW BOLT sticks out of the side of his chest. A large blood stain spreads on surface around body. ANGLE WIDENS TO INCLUDE GIRLS IN POOL, reacting, momentarily shocked, then excitedly. Commotion among people standing around pool.

BOND AND THUGS

BOND takes advantage of general confusion to karate chop one thug and knee-lift the other...

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Funny enough, I wouldn't have bought this rescue as a plot device, but did buy it because of shooter had a real motive.  Her actions were independent of him.

For Your Eyes Only (1981)
by Richard Maibaum and Michael G. Wilson

* Deus ex machina = Latin for "god from the machine") a person or thing that appears or is introduced into a situation suddenly and unexpectedly into a situation suddenly and unexpectedly and provides an artificial or contrived solution to an apparently insoluble difficulty.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Little Nikita (1988) - Re-Writing Three Writers Ahead of You; Sensitivity to Character, Tone

[Quick Summary:  FBI Agent (Sidney Poitier) tries to unmask two Russian sleeper spies and strikes up an unlikely friendship with their son (River Phoenix).]

I've been reading my way through the scripts of double Oscar winner (and triple nominee) Bo Goldman. His work has noticeable depth.*

His originals are impressive (ex. Melvin and Howard, Scent of a Woman), but I've become even more fascinated in how he elevated scripts in his re-write work.

His handiwork is particularly evident in character relationships, even if the final film was not well received (as today's script was not).**  

I think Goldman's sensitivity to characters is seen well in the scene below:
- Jeff is about to interview for the Air Force.
- This may look like an easy scene, but read all the way to the end to see the shifts in tone (semi-serious - shooting the breeze - life changing moment - fork in the road).
- Notice how realistic the silly/serious line is among guy friends.

INT. TEENAGERS' VW - DAY

Rolling down the San Diego County roads, Bret at the wheel, Jeff beside him, in the back, Tom and Tony. Tom and Tony and Bret are guzzling cans of soda and munching potato chips while Jeff sits moodily, his arms folded.

BRET (to Jeff): Don't you want a Mountain Dew?

TOM (heavily): Don't force him, today is crucial.

Tom chug-a-lugs his soda noisily, Jeff glances back at him.

JEFF: Okay, gimme one.

Tony pops a can, hands it to Jeff.

TONY: Are we ready, folks, I'm the interviewer...

BRET: And I'm Jeff...

TONY: Son!

BRET: Yes, sir!

TONY: Straighen up, son!

BRET: Yes, sir!

TONY: Statistics, son!

BRET: 'Statistics!' Fire away, sir!

TONY: Barbara Kerry's statistics?!

BRET: 34-18 --

TONY: 69!

Laughs. Jeff doesn't.

JEFF: Okay, okay, I got it.

Jeff shifts the can of soda in his hand. Tom, a gentle giant, removes it from him, gulps the rest.

TOM: ...Why's your interview first?

TONY: Yeah, how come you rate?

BRET: The boy must have clout.

TONY: Your father cal somebody?

TOM: My father knows Chuck Yeager. He autographed his book for my dad. General Yeager may sponsor me. 

TONY: Dr. Ruth autographed her book for my dad.

BRET: Yeah, she may sponsor me.

TONY: ...Who's Chuck Yeager?

TOM: Chuck Yeager? The Sound Barrier? Greatest pilot in the world? Any of this mean anything? I don't think the Air Force is for you, Tony.

Tony looks at him blankly.

TOM (contd): ...Gentlemen, The Wrong Stuff!

Sudden silence as Bret pulls up alongside Camp Pendelton headquarters. Brassy uniforms file in and out of the nerve center of the huge Marine base.

TONY: Good luck, buddy --

TOM: And remember, you live in fame, go down in flame --

But Jeff has already jumped out, is jogging toward the headquarters door, the boys watching as he passes grizzled sergeants, hash-marks up their arms. Jeff glances back now, the boys wave to him reassuringly. Finally, Bret pees out, cacophonous voices float back over the parking lot, "Off we go, into the wild, blue yonder..."

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I really liked how realistic this small, but memorable, moment was.

I think it's the writer's rhythm that makes the difference: deft use of shifts in tone; the characters going off on tangents, not talking about the interview ahead.

Little Nikita (1988)(9/15/86 Bo Goldman draft)
by John Hill and Bo Goldman
Story by Tom Musca and Terry Schwartz
* Writer Eric Roth (Forrest Gump, The Insider) said this about Goldman: 

“The man whose work made the biggest impression on me, because of his audacious originality, his understanding of social mores, his ironic sense of humor, and his outright anger at being human, and all with his soft spoken grace and eloquent simplicity is Bo Goldman. This degenerate horse player of a man lived his life like he lived his politics, never shying from a fight. His words were silk, never wasted or misplaced, and he would throw away what others would consider glorious and did it all without a moment’s fanfare.”

**Roger Ebert acknowledged that this was one of those packaged deals that was trying to reach a big audience, especially parents and teens. 

He also pinpointed some of the story's flaws:

"...It turns all of the characters into chess pieces, whose relationships depend on the plot, not on human chemistry. Since the plot is absurdly illogical, you're not left with much....

Everything leads up to the single most unbelievable chain of coincidences in recent movie history, when the entire plot depends on all of the key characters accidentally boarding the same trolley car. 

Because 'Little Nikita' is impossible to believe, impossible even to accept as a plausible fantasy, it is impossible to care about. 

As a general rule, a thriller must have some sort of interior consistency; if anything can happen, how can we feel any suspense about what does happen?"