Roger Ebert's review made me think:
...But although this is a movie filled with messages, it's not a message movie. (1) The characters and plot seem to tap-dance past the serious stuff (2) and concentrate on the human relationships. (3)(1) I liked that this is a movie with a message (vs. message movie*).
(2) Ebert is right that it did "tap-dance past the serious stuff." However, I don't think every movie is meant to address/solve all the ills of the world.
(3) This was the light bulb moment for me. The reason that the film works is because of the focus on the human relationships.
For example, how do we discuss treating animals right (without being preachy)?
Create conflict that is based on character (caring for animals vs. not caring).
In the scene below, notice how Sonny is only one who is concerned about the horse. Everyone else has a different priority - the show, employers, etc.
ex. "INT. "SHOWROOM" - ON STAGE - NIGHT
Only the work lights. The giant room is in blackness. Sonny half listens to DANNY MILES, the famous industrial show director. Eight showgirls stand on stage, bored.
DANNY: After the circle, you dismount. come down to your mark, stage right --
SONNY: --Where's the horse?
DANNY: Bring in the damn horse! [Even the language exposes how the horse is seen as a thing and not valued.]
Sonny stares into the darkened room. The horse is led on stage. A Wrangler maneuvers him to a mark.
DANNY (continuing): Spot, please!
A spotlight hits Rising Star. He gleams.
DANNY (continuing): God, he's a beauty. Look at him shine. [To him, horse = thing.]
CLOSE - SONNY
On his turf. He looks the horse over appraisingly, runs his hand down his shoulder, smells his hand.
SONNY: You'd shine, too, if you were covered with fly spray.
DANNY (to Wrangler): Now, Sonny rides in, circles three times -- applause, applause, applause -- then he dismounts on this mark. (to Sonny) Sonny, your first line is -- [He is not paying attention to Sonny.]
Sonny isn't listening. He walks around Rising Star, patting him, clucking. He listens to the horse's labored breathing.
SONNY: He's got shipping fever.
WRANGLER: Had the vet his afternoon.
SONNY: What you got him on?
WRANGLER: Penicillin.
A cynical look from Sonny.
WRANGLER (continuing): ...and a little Bute.
SONNY: For that tendon?
Wrangler nods.
SONNY (continuing): Should be bandaged.
WRANGLER: They think it don't look right...you know, for the public. [This conflict reveals that the wrangler knows what is best for the horse, yet he still compromises.]
SONNY: Muscled up pretty good, isn't he?
DANNY: Sonny, the first thing you do after you dismount is you say -- [Still not paying attention.]
SONNY: --your horse is stoned.
WRANGLER: How we gonna get him up in front of all these people...with lights...and cables, and... [He's bowed to pressure.]
DANNY: Excuse me, gentlemen! Sonny, your first line is --"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: To avoid the "message movie" trap, keep focused on the relationships, and how the character's beliefs/desires/wants conflict with others.
The Electric Horseman (1979)(draft dated 8/30/78, by Alvin Sargent (uncredited))**
by Robert Garland
Screen story by Paul Gaer and Robert Garland
Story by Shelly Burton
*Message movies tend to be too preachy for me. Actually, I wouldn't mind a little preaching, as long as it was entertaining, but it's a hard balance to find.
**As you may have noticed, I've been reading a string of Alvin Sargent scripts. Here, I'm guessing that he was hired to do a rewrite polish, given the date on this script and having just written Bobby Deerfield for director Sidney Pollack.
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