[Quick Summary: Hallie Peterson, the new Chronicle reporter, outscoops Globe reporter Peter Brackett over mysterious deaths of scientists.]
TWO THOUGHTS:
1) IS THIS A ROM-COM? It's more mystery than the Hallie-Peter relationship.
2) CATCHING A CHARACTER IN A LIE. How does the audience know that the character knows the jig is up? Often by the reactions of other characters.
For example, in the scene below:
- Peter has submitted one of his old newspaper columns to his editor Greenfield.
- Greenfield remembers seeing it before.
- From Greenfield's reaction, the audience puts 2 + 2 together that Peter realizes he has been caught.
- Notice the script does not tell us Peter's reaction.
ex. "INT. CITY ROOM
...Greenfield looks at Peter with hooded eyes, says nothing.
PETER: Don't give me that hound dog look, I don't cover the beat anymore.
GREENFIELD: And I don't print recycled columns.
PETER: I don't believe what I'm hearing. Are you accusing me of --
GREENFIELD (to Copy Boy): --Pull up Brackett's columns from the mid-eighties. Something like, 'Gun Shy', 'Guns of Something...', 'Guns and Roses'...
Peter starts to object...
GREENFIELD (remembers): 'Johnny Got A Gun'!"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I never know if my intent is clear enough to the reader. Is my writing clear about how I want them to put 2 + 2 together? Or am I too vague?
I think this is one of those things that benefits from feedback from colleagues.
I Love Trouble (1994)(revised draft, 6/2/93)
by Nancy Meyers and Charles Shyer
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