[Quick Summary: The up-and-down love story of how Mickey and Ellen met, fell in love and separated, as told from the POV of their friends.]
What is "voice"? For me, it is when I read a script and I know it is ___ writer. There's a tempo, a style, a way of telling the story.
How do you get a distinctive voice? I have no clue still.
I suspect it is one of those things that is partly unconscious and partly from having rewritten many scripts so that it sounds like YOU and YOUR RHYTHMS.
Ganz and Mandel have a definite voice. There is a certain tempo. They probably cram more jokes than you can into a few
lines. Scenes end with a flourish. There is always a wry sense of the ridiculous in the face of disaster.
In the example below:
- The airline has lost Mickey's father's coffin. Mickey does not speak French.
- His friend Andy (V.O.) is telling Mickey's story to Liz.
- Notice how the frustrating last scene ends on a funny note.
ex. "INT. STOREROOM
Mickey is being shown around. An official is pointing hopefully to various items.
MICKEY: No! No! He wasn't a bicycle! We didn't sit on him and go for a ride. No! Not a birdcage!
CUT TO:
INT. STOREROOM
SHOTS of Mickey talking to one official after another. He can't communicate well with any of them and none of them seem very concerned about his problem.
ANDY (V.O.): Mickey's going out of his mind. But he's trying not to go off on anyone. You know, he doesn't want to be the ugly American.
INT. STOREROOM
Mickey is with another official, who speaks rapid French and coolly tosses Mickey's paperwork back to him and shrugs, unconcerned. By this time, Mickey is disheveled and tired.
MICKEY: Please - look - I know you people are still angry over Euro Disney, but, please, don't take it out on me. I'm on your side. I even said, "the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, the Country Bea Jamboree, it's not a good mix."
The official is ignoring him.
MICKEY (CONT): Whatever you do, I'm not gonna lose my temper.
ANDY (V.O.): But finally...
INT. STOREROOM
Mickey with another insolent OFFICIAL.
MICKEY: If I was Hitler you'd give me my father. You'd give me everything in your whole goddam country. (screams) Where is my father?! Ou est mon pere?! If you don't find him, I'm gonna bury you instead!
ANDY (V.O.): Two days!
LIZ (V.O.): Two days?
ANDY (V.O.) He was in that airport two days! But the airline was nice. They gave him triple advantage miles and free almonds."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Your voice distinguishes you from everyone else.
I finally begin to grasp that it's a combination of things, especially how you tell the story: tempo, POV, etc.
Forget Paris (1995)(1st draft, 6/24/94)
by Billy Crystal & Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Monday, August 5, 2019
Monday, July 29, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: A League of Their Own (1992) - The Sister Dynamic; Tension
[Quick Summary: In 1943, two competitive sisters try out for the first women's baseball league.]
The only thing I knew about this script was what I'd seen in the movie trailers.
I'm glad that I did not know too much, and was pleasantly surprised by:
1) The team manager character. In the trailer, he is exasperated but lovable. In the script, he is depressed that this is the only job he can get and is more layered.
2) The sisters dynamic. These are sisters who love each other but need their own space. It's refreshing to see they don't hate each other, just need different things.
I really like how the writers do not shy away from this tension, even though it is a bittersweet thing.
The scene below is from early in the script (p. 11). The sisters have just played a game for fun. Mitch Swaley has just asked Kit out. They are walking home.
Notice the up & down tension of "She's-my-sister-and-my-competitor."
ex. "EXT. FARM - LATE AFTERNOON
...DOTTIE: You were really gonna go with him?
KIT: Hey, all the good guys are gone. We can't all be lucky enough to have married Private Bob. America's secret weapon...I'm sorry. That last pitch was right down the middle. If I'd have swung at that I'd have been the hero. But you got me so crazy. [Jealousy]
DOTTIE: All I said was "Lay off the high ones."[Defensive]
KIT (dumb voice): "Good thing your sister bailed you out Kit, why don't you get your sister to teach you how to hit?" "Hey, Kit how come you're not beautiful like your sister?" [Comparison]
DOTTIE: What idiot said that?
KIT: No one, but I know they're thinking it. [Low self-esteem]
DOTTIE: They are not. [My sister the defender]
KIT: No? you ever hear Mom or Dad introduce us to people. This is our daughter Dottie. This is our other daughter -- Dottie's sister. They should've just had you and bought a dog. [Comparison]
DOTTIE (teasing): Mitch Swaley likes you. [Cheerleader]
KIT: Mitch Swaley's one step up from dating pigs. [Acknowledges she is right]
DOTTIE (laughs): But an important step. [Acknowledges she is right]
Kit's walking fast
DOTTIE (CONT'D): Why are you walking so fast? [Competitive]
KIT: Why are you? [Competitive]
DOTTIE: Cause you are." [Competitive]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was surprised that I was ok that the sisters aren't totally best friends by the end of the story.
I think it is because I know that these are two very different people, even on p. 11.
A League of Their Own (1992)(final shooting script, 6/7/91, w/revisions)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
The only thing I knew about this script was what I'd seen in the movie trailers.
I'm glad that I did not know too much, and was pleasantly surprised by:
1) The team manager character. In the trailer, he is exasperated but lovable. In the script, he is depressed that this is the only job he can get and is more layered.
2) The sisters dynamic. These are sisters who love each other but need their own space. It's refreshing to see they don't hate each other, just need different things.
I really like how the writers do not shy away from this tension, even though it is a bittersweet thing.
The scene below is from early in the script (p. 11). The sisters have just played a game for fun. Mitch Swaley has just asked Kit out. They are walking home.
Notice the up & down tension of "She's-my-sister-and-my-competitor."
ex. "EXT. FARM - LATE AFTERNOON
...DOTTIE: You were really gonna go with him?
KIT: Hey, all the good guys are gone. We can't all be lucky enough to have married Private Bob. America's secret weapon...I'm sorry. That last pitch was right down the middle. If I'd have swung at that I'd have been the hero. But you got me so crazy. [Jealousy]
DOTTIE: All I said was "Lay off the high ones."[Defensive]
KIT (dumb voice): "Good thing your sister bailed you out Kit, why don't you get your sister to teach you how to hit?" "Hey, Kit how come you're not beautiful like your sister?" [Comparison]
DOTTIE: What idiot said that?
KIT: No one, but I know they're thinking it. [Low self-esteem]
DOTTIE: They are not. [My sister the defender]
KIT: No? you ever hear Mom or Dad introduce us to people. This is our daughter Dottie. This is our other daughter -- Dottie's sister. They should've just had you and bought a dog. [Comparison]
DOTTIE (teasing): Mitch Swaley likes you. [Cheerleader]
KIT: Mitch Swaley's one step up from dating pigs. [Acknowledges she is right]
DOTTIE (laughs): But an important step. [Acknowledges she is right]
Kit's walking fast
DOTTIE (CONT'D): Why are you walking so fast? [Competitive]
KIT: Why are you? [Competitive]
DOTTIE: Cause you are." [Competitive]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was surprised that I was ok that the sisters aren't totally best friends by the end of the story.
I think it is because I know that these are two very different people, even on p. 11.
A League of Their Own (1992)(final shooting script, 6/7/91, w/revisions)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Monday, July 22, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Spies Like Us (1985) - Not the Words, But the Telling
[Quick Summary: Two inept government employees are recruited for a Defense Department mission, not knowing that they are merely decoys.]
Over the years, I've grappled with the idea of a screenplay as a blueprint, a map, or "written to be shot." What does it mean?
Then I heard an explanation from writer Paul Schrader that made sense:
As an example, I thought the plot for this script was so-so, but the telling of how these two protagonists cheat on a civil service test is great.
Note that the words below state "how they cheated", but it is really the telling of "how they bonded."
ex. "INT. EXAMINATION ROOM - DAY
... Fitz-Hume copies the answer and then the two of them begin ever-escalating series of collaborative maneuvers, signaling page number, answers, multiple choices, etc. via an elaborate set of clandestine pantomimes and sign langues, always checking the Monitor to be sure they're unobserved. Fitz-Hume boldly pulls his patch from his eye. Catches an answer written inside. He lets it snap back. He reads from the bandage on his arm. He takes off his shoes, flips them over to read answers written on the soles.
They are still desperate. Fitz-Hume thinks a minute and decides, "What the hell."
FITZ-HUME (screams): Oh, my God! The pressure! The stress! I can't stand it!
He stands up.
FITZ-HUME (continuing): It's inhuman! I --
He starts to gasp and roll his eyes. His tongue sticks out. He begins to stagger.
FITZ-HUME (continuing): My heart!...Heart attack! Attack of the heart!
He careens around the room. As he does he takes the opportunity to look at everyone's test paper. He clutches a couple and staggers around, reading them. Finally, he collapses to the floor. Millbarge jumps in.
MILLBARGE: Stand back. I'm a trained cardiologist. He needs air. Let me fan him.
He grabs another applicant's test paper and fans him, reading it all the while.
MILLBARGE (continuing): I said stand back. Maybe you should all go out of the room.
CLOSE ANGLE - THE EXAM MONITOR - DAY
She's not dumb. She reaches under her desk and presses a concealed button."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: It seems so easy: Scripts that are told well are fun to read.
It took me an embarrassing amount of time to realize that no one can teach you how to tell a story...except by reading lots of stories.
Spies Like Us (1985)(rev. draft, 10/19/84)
Story by Dan Aykroyd & Dave Thomas
by Dan Aykroyd and Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Over the years, I've grappled with the idea of a screenplay as a blueprint, a map, or "written to be shot." What does it mean?
Then I heard an explanation from writer Paul Schrader that made sense:
What I tell young writers is don't confuse screenwriting with writing. Screenwriting is part of the oral tradition. It is not part of the literary tradition. You have to tell your story. It's not about the words, it's about the telling. (underline mine)So screenwriting is not about really about the words, but use of words for the telling! (Or, as screenwriter Eric Roth said, a "bastardized form.")
As an example, I thought the plot for this script was so-so, but the telling of how these two protagonists cheat on a civil service test is great.
Note that the words below state "how they cheated", but it is really the telling of "how they bonded."
ex. "INT. EXAMINATION ROOM - DAY
... Fitz-Hume copies the answer and then the two of them begin ever-escalating series of collaborative maneuvers, signaling page number, answers, multiple choices, etc. via an elaborate set of clandestine pantomimes and sign langues, always checking the Monitor to be sure they're unobserved. Fitz-Hume boldly pulls his patch from his eye. Catches an answer written inside. He lets it snap back. He reads from the bandage on his arm. He takes off his shoes, flips them over to read answers written on the soles.
They are still desperate. Fitz-Hume thinks a minute and decides, "What the hell."
FITZ-HUME (screams): Oh, my God! The pressure! The stress! I can't stand it!
He stands up.
FITZ-HUME (continuing): It's inhuman! I --
He starts to gasp and roll his eyes. His tongue sticks out. He begins to stagger.
FITZ-HUME (continuing): My heart!...Heart attack! Attack of the heart!
He careens around the room. As he does he takes the opportunity to look at everyone's test paper. He clutches a couple and staggers around, reading them. Finally, he collapses to the floor. Millbarge jumps in.
MILLBARGE: Stand back. I'm a trained cardiologist. He needs air. Let me fan him.
He grabs another applicant's test paper and fans him, reading it all the while.
MILLBARGE (continuing): I said stand back. Maybe you should all go out of the room.
CLOSE ANGLE - THE EXAM MONITOR - DAY
She's not dumb. She reaches under her desk and presses a concealed button."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: It seems so easy: Scripts that are told well are fun to read.
It took me an embarrassing amount of time to realize that no one can teach you how to tell a story...except by reading lots of stories.
Spies Like Us (1985)(rev. draft, 10/19/84)
Story by Dan Aykroyd & Dave Thomas
by Dan Aykroyd and Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Monday, July 15, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Splash (1984) - Laying Out the Internal Conflict, But Funny
[Quick Summary: A cranky lovelorn produce salesman falls in love with a mysterious stranger who is a mermaid.]
I really like this script for a few reasons:
1) It is rare that a comedy is this solid or this good.
2) It is very rare that a comedy at all is OSCAR NOMINATED. This one deserves it.
3) It has an unusual structure: The antagonist (a scientist) chases the protagonists (Alan & Madison) throughout the whole story, but they don't meet until Act 3.
4) It has a cheeky first line: (It works here but not everywhere.)
ex. "EXT. OFF THE NEW ENGLAND COAST - TWENTY YEARS AGO - DUSK
We know it's twenty years ago, because WE WRITE ON THE SCREEN "TWENTY YEARS AGO," thereby leaving little doubt."
5) It takes the time to lay out Alan's internal conflict and in a funny way.
In the scene below:
- Alan is an usher at his friend Jerry's wedding.
- Freddie is Alan's brother.
- Victoria, Alan's girlfriend, has just dumped Alan.
- Alan is conflicted: lonely, embarrassed, and defensive that Victoria left him.
ex. "INT. CHURCH - A FEW MINUTES LATER
Alan is in the aisle, ushering. Freddie is next to him.
ALAN: There's got to be something wrong with me. (to passing guests) Anywhere, but the first three rows.
GUEST #1: Hey, Freddie, Alan. Where's Victoria?
ALAN: She's uh...sick. (to Freddie) Why didn't I love her? She was bright, sensitive, beautiful.
GUEST: #2: Hey, Alan. Where's Victoria?
ALAN: Flu. Bad flu. Very sick.
GUEST #2: Give her my love.
ALAN: Sure. (to Freddie) I can't even give her my love. I'm serious, Freddie. (points to his heart) Something in here's not working.
FREDDIE: There are worse organs to not be working.
GUEST #3: Hi, guys. Hey, Alan, where's that pretty girl of yours?
ALAN (getting annoyed): She's not coming, okay? You want your money back?
The guest walks off, confused.
ALAN (continuing to Freddie): I don't know. Maybe it's all for the best.
GUEST #4: Hey, Alan --
ALAN (loud): She left me, all right?! She moved out. My life is a shambles. Okay? You got the news, you want the weather. (to someone else, surly) Anywhere, but the first three rows."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Ganz & Mandel scripts are built well. I like that they get to the point, but aren't afraid to lay pipe when needed.
I also like that the humor comes from internal character (Alan is trying to juggle multiple emotions) rather than the external situation (Alan is unhappily single at a happy event.)
Splash (1984)(2nd draft, 2/1/83)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Story by Brian Grazer
I really like this script for a few reasons:
1) It is rare that a comedy is this solid or this good.
2) It is very rare that a comedy at all is OSCAR NOMINATED. This one deserves it.
3) It has an unusual structure: The antagonist (a scientist) chases the protagonists (Alan & Madison) throughout the whole story, but they don't meet until Act 3.
4) It has a cheeky first line: (It works here but not everywhere.)
ex. "EXT. OFF THE NEW ENGLAND COAST - TWENTY YEARS AGO - DUSK
We know it's twenty years ago, because WE WRITE ON THE SCREEN "TWENTY YEARS AGO," thereby leaving little doubt."
5) It takes the time to lay out Alan's internal conflict and in a funny way.
In the scene below:
- Alan is an usher at his friend Jerry's wedding.
- Freddie is Alan's brother.
- Victoria, Alan's girlfriend, has just dumped Alan.
- Alan is conflicted: lonely, embarrassed, and defensive that Victoria left him.
ex. "INT. CHURCH - A FEW MINUTES LATER
Alan is in the aisle, ushering. Freddie is next to him.
ALAN: There's got to be something wrong with me. (to passing guests) Anywhere, but the first three rows.
GUEST #1: Hey, Freddie, Alan. Where's Victoria?
ALAN: She's uh...sick. (to Freddie) Why didn't I love her? She was bright, sensitive, beautiful.
GUEST: #2: Hey, Alan. Where's Victoria?
ALAN: Flu. Bad flu. Very sick.
GUEST #2: Give her my love.
ALAN: Sure. (to Freddie) I can't even give her my love. I'm serious, Freddie. (points to his heart) Something in here's not working.
FREDDIE: There are worse organs to not be working.
GUEST #3: Hi, guys. Hey, Alan, where's that pretty girl of yours?
ALAN (getting annoyed): She's not coming, okay? You want your money back?
The guest walks off, confused.
ALAN (continuing to Freddie): I don't know. Maybe it's all for the best.
GUEST #4: Hey, Alan --
ALAN (loud): She left me, all right?! She moved out. My life is a shambles. Okay? You got the news, you want the weather. (to someone else, surly) Anywhere, but the first three rows."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Ganz & Mandel scripts are built well. I like that they get to the point, but aren't afraid to lay pipe when needed.
I also like that the humor comes from internal character (Alan is trying to juggle multiple emotions) rather than the external situation (Alan is unhappily single at a happy event.)
Splash (1984)(2nd draft, 2/1/83)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Story by Brian Grazer
Monday, July 8, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Night Shift (1982) - Lacking Story? Then Face Your Flaw
[Quick Summary: A timid morgue night employee is talked into using the morgue as an office for prostitutes, but then competing pimps come after him.]
I never knew about Ganz & Mandel until I watched these interviews.
They both started out writing for tv shows, including the popular show Happy Days.* This is their first feature film.
I think one strong hallmark of a Ganz & Mandel script is that is there is a story rather than just a situation.**
Story = The protagonist must face his/her own flaw, often resulting in an arc.
Situation = Series of events. Flaw and arc are not important.
In the scene below:
- Chuck is the protagonist and is engaged to Charlotte.
- Vivian is Chuck's mother. Edward and Rose are Charlotte's parents.
- They were all at dinner when Belinda, Chuck's neighbor and a prostitute, called him to bail her out of jail. They are now returning from court.
- FLAW: Chuck lets everyone push him around.
- Notice the structure of the scene: No one will let Chuck speak in this car (or in his life). He must do it now or else he is doomed. This is Chuck's a-ha! moment.
ex. "INT. KOOGLE'S RENTED CAR - LATER THAT NIGHT
Edward and Rose are in the front. Rose has her head out the window. Chuck is seated in the back between Vivian and Charlotte. Everyone is distraught.
EDWARD: You know what really steams my beans? They just let that strumpet right back out on the streets!
CHARLOTTE (to Chuck): You're moving out of that building.
VIVIAN: Absolutely.
CHUCK (softly): Wait a minute --
VIVIAN: You stay out of it. (to Charlotte) Let me tell you something. When you get married you have to handle him the way I handled his father.
There's a big bump in the road. Everyone flies up.
EDWARD: Potholes! You all right, Rose?
We hear Rose moaning. We PUSH IN TIGHT on Chuck. He's not speaking but clearly he's listening to every word and weighing them carefully.
VIVIAN: If it wasn't for me, his father would've done any old thing he pleased. You know what he wanted to do? Make furniture by hand! Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Koogle, I straightened out Al, and together we'll all straighten out Chuck.
They hit another bump and go flying.
EDWARD (O.S.): You all right, Rose?
She moans."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I thought the scene above fit perfectly with Chuck's flaw.
The structure and the visuals are all great setups. They all are forcing Chuck to take proactive action in the next scene.
Night Shift (1982)(3rd draft, 7/20/81)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
*Happy Days featured actor Ron Howard who was to become the future director of Night Shift. Ganz & Mandel would go on to write several films for Howard.
** The Problem with 99% of Screenplays (aka Fat Tootsie Syndrome) does a nice job of explaining story vs. situation and the need for a character to have a flaw.
I never knew about Ganz & Mandel until I watched these interviews.
They both started out writing for tv shows, including the popular show Happy Days.* This is their first feature film.
I think one strong hallmark of a Ganz & Mandel script is that is there is a story rather than just a situation.**
Story = The protagonist must face his/her own flaw, often resulting in an arc.
Situation = Series of events. Flaw and arc are not important.
In the scene below:
- Chuck is the protagonist and is engaged to Charlotte.
- Vivian is Chuck's mother. Edward and Rose are Charlotte's parents.
- They were all at dinner when Belinda, Chuck's neighbor and a prostitute, called him to bail her out of jail. They are now returning from court.
- FLAW: Chuck lets everyone push him around.
- Notice the structure of the scene: No one will let Chuck speak in this car (or in his life). He must do it now or else he is doomed. This is Chuck's a-ha! moment.
ex. "INT. KOOGLE'S RENTED CAR - LATER THAT NIGHT
Edward and Rose are in the front. Rose has her head out the window. Chuck is seated in the back between Vivian and Charlotte. Everyone is distraught.
EDWARD: You know what really steams my beans? They just let that strumpet right back out on the streets!
CHARLOTTE (to Chuck): You're moving out of that building.
VIVIAN: Absolutely.
CHUCK (softly): Wait a minute --
VIVIAN: You stay out of it. (to Charlotte) Let me tell you something. When you get married you have to handle him the way I handled his father.
There's a big bump in the road. Everyone flies up.
EDWARD: Potholes! You all right, Rose?
We hear Rose moaning. We PUSH IN TIGHT on Chuck. He's not speaking but clearly he's listening to every word and weighing them carefully.
VIVIAN: If it wasn't for me, his father would've done any old thing he pleased. You know what he wanted to do? Make furniture by hand! Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Koogle, I straightened out Al, and together we'll all straighten out Chuck.
They hit another bump and go flying.
EDWARD (O.S.): You all right, Rose?
She moans."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I thought the scene above fit perfectly with Chuck's flaw.
The structure and the visuals are all great setups. They all are forcing Chuck to take proactive action in the next scene.
Night Shift (1982)(3rd draft, 7/20/81)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
*Happy Days featured actor Ron Howard who was to become the future director of Night Shift. Ganz & Mandel would go on to write several films for Howard.
** The Problem with 99% of Screenplays (aka Fat Tootsie Syndrome) does a nice job of explaining story vs. situation and the need for a character to have a flaw.
Monday, July 1, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Peeping Tom (1960) - It Does Not Let You Off the Hook
[Quick Summary: A young focus puller/ photographer/ director wannabe is an underground serial killer who is trying to capture the moment of death from fear.]
THREE THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS SCRIPT:
1) It's one of the best psychological horror/thriller scripts that I've read. It is 60 y.o., yet still relevant, still could be made today, still has something to say.
2) It's risky. The critics' and public's response to this film essentially ended director Michael Powell's career in England.* **
3) It does not let you off the hook. I liked that the script does not try to explain away Mark's murdering instinct or soften the blow of his decisions.
Yes, Mark is a loner, socially awkward, driven, and probably was harmed by his scientific father's psychological experiments.
However, he does not make excuses for himself and takes responsibility for his actions. What a dilemma! Do I root for or against him?
In the scene below, note:
- Helen is a neighbor and possibly the first girl to show interest in Mark.
- Their rapport makes me hope that Mark could change, but his "better be soon" tells me that he knows that he will be facing consequences soon.
- This scene is so bittersweet and tragic, yet does not veer from Mark's goal.
ex. "INT. MARK'S SITTING ROOM - EVENING
...HELEN: I'll tell you that too - but, Mark...this is the problem...The children who read the book will want to see the pictures the camera takes - but the publishers say they're impossible to photograph, and suggest drawings...but I don't agree.
MARK: No - nothing's impossible.
HELEN: was hoping you'd say that! There must be photographs - however difficult to take - and I was wondering, Mark - if you'd...
MARK: Oh yes.
HELEN: discuss it with me.
MARK: take them.
HELEN: Mark - I can't ask you to do that...
They have cancelled his Oscar.
HELEN (cont'd): I mean...the publisher's mightn't agree.
MARK: I'd take them...for you.
HELEN: Yes but...the money.
MARK: There are some things...which I photograph...for nothing.
HELEN: I didn't mean to offend you.
MARK: Offend?
CLOSE SHOT of Mark.
MARK (cont'd): Helen...if you knew what it meant...for something to happen to me...that I don't have to make happen...it's like...you've given me a twenty-first birthday...
CLOSE SHOT of Helen looking at him...
MARK (cont'd): What does your camera photograph?
HELEN: Mark - I must go...I just wanted to know...if you'd talk it over with me.
MARK: When please?
HELEN: That's up to you.
MARK: Helen...I don't know much about...dinner out...but would you come with me?
HELEN: Thank you.
MARK: Thank you.
HELEN: When?
MARK: Oh...
HELEN: What's the matter?
MARK: It had better be soon...
HELEN: Are you going away?
MARK: Almost for certain!...
HELEN: Oh...well you suggest when.
MARK: Are you free...tomorrow night?
HELEN: Yes."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I admire this script for having something to say and sticking with it.
Peeping Tom (1960)(shooting draft, 1959)
by Leo Marks
*Why did critics and the public hate it so? I think because it didn't allow the audience to lurk anonymously in the dark, but implicated us in the voyeurism of the title character.
**Powell was the well regarded director of The Red Shoes (1948), Tales of Hoffman (1951), etc. He was the husband of Thelma Schoonmaker, Martin Scorsese's editor.
THREE THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS SCRIPT:
1) It's one of the best psychological horror/thriller scripts that I've read. It is 60 y.o., yet still relevant, still could be made today, still has something to say.
2) It's risky. The critics' and public's response to this film essentially ended director Michael Powell's career in England.* **
3) It does not let you off the hook. I liked that the script does not try to explain away Mark's murdering instinct or soften the blow of his decisions.
Yes, Mark is a loner, socially awkward, driven, and probably was harmed by his scientific father's psychological experiments.
However, he does not make excuses for himself and takes responsibility for his actions. What a dilemma! Do I root for or against him?
In the scene below, note:
- Helen is a neighbor and possibly the first girl to show interest in Mark.
- Their rapport makes me hope that Mark could change, but his "better be soon" tells me that he knows that he will be facing consequences soon.
- This scene is so bittersweet and tragic, yet does not veer from Mark's goal.
ex. "INT. MARK'S SITTING ROOM - EVENING
...HELEN: I'll tell you that too - but, Mark...this is the problem...The children who read the book will want to see the pictures the camera takes - but the publishers say they're impossible to photograph, and suggest drawings...but I don't agree.
MARK: No - nothing's impossible.
HELEN: was hoping you'd say that! There must be photographs - however difficult to take - and I was wondering, Mark - if you'd...
MARK: Oh yes.
HELEN: discuss it with me.
MARK: take them.
HELEN: Mark - I can't ask you to do that...
They have cancelled his Oscar.
HELEN (cont'd): I mean...the publisher's mightn't agree.
MARK: I'd take them...for you.
HELEN: Yes but...the money.
MARK: There are some things...which I photograph...for nothing.
HELEN: I didn't mean to offend you.
MARK: Offend?
CLOSE SHOT of Mark.
MARK (cont'd): Helen...if you knew what it meant...for something to happen to me...that I don't have to make happen...it's like...you've given me a twenty-first birthday...
CLOSE SHOT of Helen looking at him...
MARK (cont'd): What does your camera photograph?
HELEN: Mark - I must go...I just wanted to know...if you'd talk it over with me.
MARK: When please?
HELEN: That's up to you.
MARK: Helen...I don't know much about...dinner out...but would you come with me?
HELEN: Thank you.
MARK: Thank you.
HELEN: When?
MARK: Oh...
HELEN: What's the matter?
MARK: It had better be soon...
HELEN: Are you going away?
MARK: Almost for certain!...
HELEN: Oh...well you suggest when.
MARK: Are you free...tomorrow night?
HELEN: Yes."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I admire this script for having something to say and sticking with it.
Peeping Tom (1960)(shooting draft, 1959)
by Leo Marks
*Why did critics and the public hate it so? I think because it didn't allow the audience to lurk anonymously in the dark, but implicated us in the voyeurism of the title character.
**Powell was the well regarded director of The Red Shoes (1948), Tales of Hoffman (1951), etc. He was the husband of Thelma Schoonmaker, Martin Scorsese's editor.
Monday, June 24, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: I Love Trouble (1994) - Catching a Character in a Lie
[Quick Summary: Hallie Peterson, the new Chronicle reporter, outscoops Globe reporter Peter Brackett over mysterious deaths of scientists.]
TWO THOUGHTS:
1) IS THIS A ROM-COM? It's more mystery than the Hallie-Peter relationship.
2) CATCHING A CHARACTER IN A LIE. How does the audience know that the character knows the jig is up? Often by the reactions of other characters.
For example, in the scene below:
- Peter has submitted one of his old newspaper columns to his editor Greenfield.
- Greenfield remembers seeing it before.
- From Greenfield's reaction, the audience puts 2 + 2 together that Peter realizes he has been caught.
- Notice the script does not tell us Peter's reaction.
ex. "INT. CITY ROOM
...Greenfield looks at Peter with hooded eyes, says nothing.
PETER: Don't give me that hound dog look, I don't cover the beat anymore.
GREENFIELD: And I don't print recycled columns.
PETER: I don't believe what I'm hearing. Are you accusing me of --
GREENFIELD (to Copy Boy): --Pull up Brackett's columns from the mid-eighties. Something like, 'Gun Shy', 'Guns of Something...', 'Guns and Roses'...
Peter starts to object...
GREENFIELD (remembers): 'Johnny Got A Gun'!"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I never know if my intent is clear enough to the reader. Is my writing clear about how I want them to put 2 + 2 together? Or am I too vague?
I think this is one of those things that benefits from feedback from colleagues.
I Love Trouble (1994)(revised draft, 6/2/93)
by Nancy Meyers and Charles Shyer
TWO THOUGHTS:
1) IS THIS A ROM-COM? It's more mystery than the Hallie-Peter relationship.
2) CATCHING A CHARACTER IN A LIE. How does the audience know that the character knows the jig is up? Often by the reactions of other characters.
For example, in the scene below:
- Peter has submitted one of his old newspaper columns to his editor Greenfield.
- Greenfield remembers seeing it before.
- From Greenfield's reaction, the audience puts 2 + 2 together that Peter realizes he has been caught.
- Notice the script does not tell us Peter's reaction.
ex. "INT. CITY ROOM
...Greenfield looks at Peter with hooded eyes, says nothing.
PETER: Don't give me that hound dog look, I don't cover the beat anymore.
GREENFIELD: And I don't print recycled columns.
PETER: I don't believe what I'm hearing. Are you accusing me of --
GREENFIELD (to Copy Boy): --Pull up Brackett's columns from the mid-eighties. Something like, 'Gun Shy', 'Guns of Something...', 'Guns and Roses'...
Peter starts to object...
GREENFIELD (remembers): 'Johnny Got A Gun'!"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I never know if my intent is clear enough to the reader. Is my writing clear about how I want them to put 2 + 2 together? Or am I too vague?
I think this is one of those things that benefits from feedback from colleagues.
I Love Trouble (1994)(revised draft, 6/2/93)
by Nancy Meyers and Charles Shyer
Monday, June 17, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Big Trouble in Little China (1986) - Use of a Kiss During an Action Sequence
[Quick Summary: Jack Burton helps his friend Wang Chi rescue Wang's green eyed fiancee from the supernatural Lo Pan whose lair is underneath Chinatown.]
MY TWO THOUGHTS:
1) Too Much of the Same. I liked that this script has so much action.
But after awhile, it was the just the same scene, the same emotional dynamics.
Roger Ebert explains it much better:
However, I liked the kiss in the scene below because it has multiple layers:
- It acknowledges there is a Jack-Gracie attraction.
- It releases the audience's tension, now that all the captives are freed.
- It symbolizes freedom and celebration.
ex. "INT. BATHING POOL - DAY
UNDERWATER...AN INLET... A PIPE 18 INCHES WIDE...PEOPLE SQUEEZING INTO IT...TALK ABOUT INSANITY...BUBBLES, PANIC, THRASHING BODIES...WE DON'T SEE JACK BURTON.
INT. PIPE - DAY
Up ahead the first Chinese girl surfaces! Still in the pipe but above its water level! The going's still nightmarish but there's air...AND THE PIPE'S GETTING WIDER, NOT MUCH, 36 INCHES. Gracie breaks the surface! Wang Chi next!
GRACIE LAW: Where's Margo?!
Wang Chi has no idea, and Gracie shoves him on by her, Margo appearing, Gracie shoving her on by...
MARGO LITZENBERGER: Where are we!
GRACIE LAW: Where's Eddie?!
Eddie! Gasping for air! Gracie helps him, shoves him forward...
GRACIE LAW: Where's Jack?!
"Jack?" Getting familiar, Gracie showing concern, huh? She's looking back at the water, no Jack...no Jack... THEN JACK ERUPTING IN HER FACE!
GRACIE LAW: Jack!
She grabs him, elated. So is Jack, to be breathing again and be hugged by Gracie Law when a second ago he thought it was curtains...so he kisses her!
GRACIE LAW: Hey!
JACK BURTON: Sorry, sorry, I'm just thrilled to be alive.
GRACIE: Yeah, right. Let's go.
Their wet bodies on top of each other, no way they can move at the same time.
JACK BURTON: Ladies first."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The purpose of the kiss was not one fold, and thus had more meaning.
(In other words: It meant something more than just romantic attraction.)
Big Trouble in Little China (1986)(rev. shooting script, 9/17/85)
by David Weinstein and Gary Goldman
Revisions by W.D. Richter
Directed by John Carpenter
MY TWO THOUGHTS:
1) Too Much of the Same. I liked that this script has so much action.
But after awhile, it was the just the same scene, the same emotional dynamics.
Roger Ebert explains it much better:
...the first 30 minutes of the movie gave me lots of room for hope. It was fast-moving, it was visually spectacular, it was exotic and lighthearted and filled with a spirit of adventure. But then, gradually, the movie began to recycle itself. It began to feel as if I was seeing the same thing more than once. After one amazing subterranean chamber had been survived and conquered, everybody fell down a chute into another one. By the end of the movie, I was just plain weary.2) Use of a Kiss During an Action Sequence. This script does not really delve into the Jack-Gracie relationship, which is fine. It's not that kind of movie.
However, I liked the kiss in the scene below because it has multiple layers:
- It acknowledges there is a Jack-Gracie attraction.
- It releases the audience's tension, now that all the captives are freed.
- It symbolizes freedom and celebration.
ex. "INT. BATHING POOL - DAY
UNDERWATER...AN INLET... A PIPE 18 INCHES WIDE...PEOPLE SQUEEZING INTO IT...TALK ABOUT INSANITY...BUBBLES, PANIC, THRASHING BODIES...WE DON'T SEE JACK BURTON.
INT. PIPE - DAY
Up ahead the first Chinese girl surfaces! Still in the pipe but above its water level! The going's still nightmarish but there's air...AND THE PIPE'S GETTING WIDER, NOT MUCH, 36 INCHES. Gracie breaks the surface! Wang Chi next!
GRACIE LAW: Where's Margo?!
Wang Chi has no idea, and Gracie shoves him on by her, Margo appearing, Gracie shoving her on by...
MARGO LITZENBERGER: Where are we!
GRACIE LAW: Where's Eddie?!
Eddie! Gasping for air! Gracie helps him, shoves him forward...
GRACIE LAW: Where's Jack?!
"Jack?" Getting familiar, Gracie showing concern, huh? She's looking back at the water, no Jack...no Jack... THEN JACK ERUPTING IN HER FACE!
GRACIE LAW: Jack!
She grabs him, elated. So is Jack, to be breathing again and be hugged by Gracie Law when a second ago he thought it was curtains...so he kisses her!
GRACIE LAW: Hey!
JACK BURTON: Sorry, sorry, I'm just thrilled to be alive.
GRACIE: Yeah, right. Let's go.
Their wet bodies on top of each other, no way they can move at the same time.
JACK BURTON: Ladies first."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The purpose of the kiss was not one fold, and thus had more meaning.
(In other words: It meant something more than just romantic attraction.)
Big Trouble in Little China (1986)(rev. shooting script, 9/17/85)
by David Weinstein and Gary Goldman
Revisions by W.D. Richter
Directed by John Carpenter
Monday, June 10, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Maid in Manhattan (2002) - One Key to a Strong Rom-Com
[Quick Summary: In a case of mistaken identity, a maid is asked out on a date by a senatorial candidate and chaos ensues when the truth is leaked.]
I stand by my belief that rom-coms are one of the hardest genres to crack.
So what is the secret to pulling it off?
I saw a good answer TWICE in the last week: Fall in love while doing other things.*
Simple, right?!...Wait, that's difficult... How do you do that?
This script shows one key:
We see that protagonist in his/her daily life.
--> Protagonist encounters love interest.
--> Protagonist CHANGES in his/her daily life.
= The change IS the evidence of "falling in love."
I chose the scene below for two reasons:
1) Because it shows Chris, the love interest, at a benefit (his daily life) and breaking away from routine after meeting Marisa (a definite change).
2) Because the unconscious smiling thing really happens in real life.**
ex. "INT. RAINBOW ROOM - NIGHT
...The song ends. The dance floor empties. Chris and Marisa remain, face to face.
MARISA: Look, I don't want to stop you from doing the right thing.
Chris smiles. She looks at him questioning.
MARISA: What? Why are you smiling...
CHRIS: Nothing, it's just, up until this minute, I didn't know what that was. But I do now.
MARISA: You do what?
He begins to walk away.
MARISA: Where are you going?
CHRIS: I'm going to give old Jerry an interesting challenge.
MARISA: Because of me?
CHRIS: Because of us. We're not staying.
MARISA: We're not?
CHRIS: Nope. And that might make him a little...miffed."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Falling in love should be part of the protagonist's overall story, but not the whole story. Otherwise, it's rather dull.
Chambermaid (Maid in Manhattan) (2002)(2/25/02 draft)
by John Hughes (story), revised by Kevin Wade
*I read the same observation TWICE in the last week:
- Ebert: "And Jennifer Lopez and Ralph Fiennes make an intriguing couple because their characters have ways of passing the time other than falling in love. (I grow impatient when movie characters are so limited they can think of nothing better to do than follow the plot.)"
- Mernit on "It Happened One Night": "The movie's a textbook on how romantic happens, which is often when your characters are busy doing other things."
**In grad school, I met "someone special" from another school and didn't tell anyone. A classmate, who rarely spoke to me and did not know me well, asked me why I was smiling all the time. It freaked me out! Was I that obvious? I could've sworn that I was acting normally. I had had no idea.
I stand by my belief that rom-coms are one of the hardest genres to crack.
So what is the secret to pulling it off?
I saw a good answer TWICE in the last week: Fall in love while doing other things.*
Simple, right?!...Wait, that's difficult... How do you do that?
This script shows one key:
We see that protagonist in his/her daily life.
--> Protagonist encounters love interest.
--> Protagonist CHANGES in his/her daily life.
= The change IS the evidence of "falling in love."
I chose the scene below for two reasons:
1) Because it shows Chris, the love interest, at a benefit (his daily life) and breaking away from routine after meeting Marisa (a definite change).
2) Because the unconscious smiling thing really happens in real life.**
ex. "INT. RAINBOW ROOM - NIGHT
...The song ends. The dance floor empties. Chris and Marisa remain, face to face.
MARISA: Look, I don't want to stop you from doing the right thing.
Chris smiles. She looks at him questioning.
MARISA: What? Why are you smiling...
CHRIS: Nothing, it's just, up until this minute, I didn't know what that was. But I do now.
MARISA: You do what?
He begins to walk away.
MARISA: Where are you going?
CHRIS: I'm going to give old Jerry an interesting challenge.
MARISA: Because of me?
CHRIS: Because of us. We're not staying.
MARISA: We're not?
CHRIS: Nope. And that might make him a little...miffed."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Falling in love should be part of the protagonist's overall story, but not the whole story. Otherwise, it's rather dull.
Chambermaid (Maid in Manhattan) (2002)(2/25/02 draft)
by John Hughes (story), revised by Kevin Wade
*I read the same observation TWICE in the last week:
- Ebert: "And Jennifer Lopez and Ralph Fiennes make an intriguing couple because their characters have ways of passing the time other than falling in love. (I grow impatient when movie characters are so limited they can think of nothing better to do than follow the plot.)"
- Mernit on "It Happened One Night": "The movie's a textbook on how romantic happens, which is often when your characters are busy doing other things."
**In grad school, I met "someone special" from another school and didn't tell anyone. A classmate, who rarely spoke to me and did not know me well, asked me why I was smiling all the time. It freaked me out! Was I that obvious? I could've sworn that I was acting normally. I had had no idea.
Monday, June 3, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Flubber (1997) - The Space Between Two Characters
[Quick Summary: An absent minded professor invents flying rubber ("flubber") that might save his college from closing.]
GOOD NEWS: I can tell John Hughes worked really, really hard on this script.
BAD NEWS: I'm not sure if it was requirements of the job or not, but it tries to go large. I felt it lost some of that intimate, Hughes-ian dynamic.
GOOD NEWS: The beginning starts off with that intimate feel, and some of the best character work.
I think the scene below remained very real and intimate to me because it is focused on the space between the Professor and the students.
Who will realize what is going on first? Who will dare speak up first?
ex. "EXT. MEDFIELD COLLEGE. AFTERNOON
A pleasant, small town university. Brick buildings spangled with ivy, clipped lawns, mature trees overhanging quiet walks.
INT. LIFE DRAWING CLASS. CU. MODEL
From behind. Nude. ART STUDENTS are drawing.
INT. ART CLASSROOM. DOOR
The Professor walks into the classroom.
CU. MODEL
She looks over her shoulder with surprise.
HER POV
The Professor crosses to a still-life table. He removes an orange, a pheasant, and a bunch of grapes and places them on a desk beside the table. He sets his briefcase on the table.
PROFESSOR: Whoever brought me the orange, the pheasant, and the grapes, thank you.
INT. ART CLASSROOM. STUDENTS
They stare at Phillip with confusion.
CU. PROFESSOR
He clears his throat.
PROFESSOR: Last time we met, we were discussing the unstable and transient nature of supersaturated solutions.
He steps back from the table and puts his hands in his pockets.
INT. ART CLASSROOM. STUDENTS
They exchange puzzled looks.
CU. PROFESSOR
He grins warmly.
PROFESSOR: Stick with me, it's simple.
Something catches his eye. His smile fades. He snaps his fingers angrily.
PROFESSOR: Young lady! Shirt and shoes in my class, please.That's the rule.
CU. MODEL
The startled Model holds her robe to her chest and shoulders. She quickly puts on her slippers."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I found this script hard to believe.
(Perhaps it was because the important dilemma for everyone else (save or destroy the university) was not really important to the Professor?)
Absent Minded Professor/Flubber (1997)(early draft, 10/31/95)
by John Hughes
Based on a short story,"A Situation of Gravity," by Samuel W. Taylor
GOOD NEWS: I can tell John Hughes worked really, really hard on this script.
BAD NEWS: I'm not sure if it was requirements of the job or not, but it tries to go large. I felt it lost some of that intimate, Hughes-ian dynamic.
GOOD NEWS: The beginning starts off with that intimate feel, and some of the best character work.
I think the scene below remained very real and intimate to me because it is focused on the space between the Professor and the students.
Who will realize what is going on first? Who will dare speak up first?
ex. "EXT. MEDFIELD COLLEGE. AFTERNOON
A pleasant, small town university. Brick buildings spangled with ivy, clipped lawns, mature trees overhanging quiet walks.
INT. LIFE DRAWING CLASS. CU. MODEL
From behind. Nude. ART STUDENTS are drawing.
INT. ART CLASSROOM. DOOR
The Professor walks into the classroom.
CU. MODEL
She looks over her shoulder with surprise.
HER POV
The Professor crosses to a still-life table. He removes an orange, a pheasant, and a bunch of grapes and places them on a desk beside the table. He sets his briefcase on the table.
PROFESSOR: Whoever brought me the orange, the pheasant, and the grapes, thank you.
INT. ART CLASSROOM. STUDENTS
They stare at Phillip with confusion.
CU. PROFESSOR
He clears his throat.
PROFESSOR: Last time we met, we were discussing the unstable and transient nature of supersaturated solutions.
He steps back from the table and puts his hands in his pockets.
INT. ART CLASSROOM. STUDENTS
They exchange puzzled looks.
CU. PROFESSOR
He grins warmly.
PROFESSOR: Stick with me, it's simple.
Something catches his eye. His smile fades. He snaps his fingers angrily.
PROFESSOR: Young lady! Shirt and shoes in my class, please.That's the rule.
CU. MODEL
The startled Model holds her robe to her chest and shoulders. She quickly puts on her slippers."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I found this script hard to believe.
(Perhaps it was because the important dilemma for everyone else (save or destroy the university) was not really important to the Professor?)
Absent Minded Professor/Flubber (1997)(early draft, 10/31/95)
by John Hughes
Based on a short story,"A Situation of Gravity," by Samuel W. Taylor
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