[Quick Summary: An English teacher, her brother, and an ex-Legionnaire seek buried treasures, unaware they're about to unleash a vengeful mummy.]
Q: You've read a lot of action/adventure scripts.
A: Why, yes; yes, I have.
Q: If I'm writing one, what are you looking for, on a basic craft level?
A: Does this script know it's an action/adventure? Does it deliver the tropes (movement, conflict, often locations/travel) in a smooth read?
Q: What are you looking for, on a creativity level?
A: Most writers can handle action/adventure. ex. Car A crashes into Car B.
What many writers find difficult is adding character. ex. Angry at the failure to heed the stop sign, Driver A tailgates Driver B, who drives super-slow to infuriate A.
Q: So how can I add character (motives, traits, conflicts, etc.)?
A: Focus on the behavior as a physical expression of the character's internal world.
Notice in the scene below how the writer
INT. FOYER - NIGHT
O'Connell and Jonathan race into the foyer. See Henderson's shriveled body on the floor. O'Connell runs up to Evelyn's door and rattles the knob, still locked. He bends down and looks in through the KEYHOLE. [Maybe looking through the keyhole means O'Connell is jealous?]
INT. EVELYN'S ROOM - NIGHT
Imhotep cups Evelyn's face in his hands, his HANDS instantly begin to DEGENERATE and DECAY. He leans in to kiss her. [Imhotep's desire is so strong that he's willing to decay just to kiss her.]
The door starts to CRASH and BANG from O'Connell and Jonathan trying to break in. Imhotep ignores them. And KISSES Evelyn. His lips and mouth instantly start to DEGENERATE and DECAY as he kisses her. Right down to the bone. [Imhotep is undaunted by interruptions.]
The door BURSTS OPEN with a CRASH. Evelyn wakes-up from her trance. Sees Imhotep's rotted mouth kissing her. She SCREAMS and shoves him away. Imhotep's putrid mouth grimaces in sadness. O'Connell storms in. [The verb "storms" has added importance to it.]
O'CONNELL: Get your hands off my girl, pal. [First verbal indication of deeper feelings for Evelyn.]
Imhotep's sadness turns to anger as he spins around and faces O'Connell. Imhotep licks his fetid lips. O'Connell smirks.
O'CONNELL: Nice lips.
Imhotep starts to move for O'Connell. O'Connell smiles. [This is confident reaction, and unusual because the bad guy is coming at you.]
O'CONNELL: Figured you might be here, so I brought a friend.
He trows the white cat at Imhotep. Imhotep instinctively catches it. He SHRIEKS, drops the cat and stumbles back toward the window, --which suddenly BLOWS OPEN.
Imhotep CRIES OUT, spins like a dervish, then literally BURSTS INTO A WHIRLWIND OF SAND. Everybody covers their eyes. The Imhotep/sand-devil EXPLODES out the window and vanishes over the compound. [I like the explosion into a sand-devil because it was unexpected action, but also a good manifestion of Imhotep's inner rage.]
Jonathan aims his gun at the window, his hand shaking badly. O'Connell hugs Evelyn close as she wipes her mouth in disgust. Daniels walks in, looks at Henderson's shriveled body on the floor...and drops the martini glasses. SMASH!
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Behavior with a deeper meaning (of a character's motives, wounds, conflicts) will always set an action/adventure script apart.
The Mummy (1999)(3rd draft, 11/21/97)
by Stephen Sommers
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