[Quick Summary: Goofy undercover cops Dewey and Wallace are sent to prison to ferret out the location of hidden money, but Duke and his gang want it first.]
Tim Conway was one of the reasons I loved "The Carol Burnett Show" on tv. His comedy, both verbal and slapstick, would crack up his fellow actors on live tv.*
I saw the original of this script (donated to his alma mater), complete with his handwritten changes and revised blue pages.
Like other slapstick heavy comedies,** the descriptions are long because they are showing action and reaction movements, i,e, choreography.
Note in the sample scene below:
- It was written during production, all on a blue revised page.
- In the prior scene, Dewey and Wallace have broken out of prison, kidnapped a bunch of passengers to use their cars, and arrived at the new Governor's house, uninvited.
- Only the old Governor knew of their undercover work.
- They are being pursued by Duke and his gang, and the warden (Gunnar).
- The Governor is hosting a dinner for the Japanese ambassador.
- Dewey and Wallace are in costume, pretending to be Japanese interpreters.
- They want to show the new Governor the can of money they found in prison and get out of jail.
THE PIE FIGHT
I. LADY GETS THE FIRST PIE.
II. HER HUSBAND LAUGHS.
III. SHE GETS SORE AND GOES TO HIT HIM WITH A PIE.
IV. HE DUCKS AND MAN IN BACK OF HIM GETS THE PIE.
V. HE LETS ONE FLY AND A LADY AT THE OTHER TABLE GETS IT.
VI. DUKE GRABS WALLACE. HE STARTS TO DRAG HIM OFF.
VII. DUKE GETS A PIE. HE LETS WALLACE GO.
VIII. WALLACE TAKES OUT THE CAN OF MONEY.
IX. LUGS SEES THE CAN.
X. WALLACE TOSSES IT TO DEWEY. LUGS TAKES IT FROM HIM.
XI. LUGS STARTS TO SPLIT WITH THE CAN.
XII. HE SLIPS ON THE FLOOR AND THE CAN GOES IN THE AIR.
XIII. IT LANDS BACK IN DEWEY'S HANDS.
XIV. DUKE WIPES HIS EYES AND SEES THE CAN. HE GOES AFTER IT.
XV. WALLACE TAKES A KNITTING NEEDLE AND STICKS DUKE AS HE PASSES.
XVI. DEWEY HAS THE CAN AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN TO THE GOVERNOR.
XVII. A PIE HITS THE GOVERNOR. "THIS ISN'T GOING WELL."
XVIII. DEWEY TAKES THE TOP OFF THE CAN.
XIX. LUGS REACHES OVER THE TABLE AND GRABS THE MONEY CAN.
XX. LUGS TURNS TO RUN AND GETS A PIE. THE CAN FLIES IN THE AIR.
XXI. THE MONEY GOES FLYING. THE GUESTS SPOT IT.
XXII. THE GUESTS, DUKE, LUGS...GO FOR THE MONEY.
XXIII. THE HOSTAGE GROUP COME IN. BILLY JO TRIES TO TAKE COMMAND.
XXIV. WALLACE CAN'T SEE. DEWEY GETS A HOSE TO GET SOME WATER.
XXV. DEWEY TURNS THE HOSE ON. THERE IS TOO MUCH PRESSURE.
XXVI. EVERYBODY GETS THE WATER. LADIES DRESS IS HOSED OFF.
XXVII. GOVERNOR SEES THIS AND SLUMPS IN HIS CHAIR.
XXVIII. THE GOVERNOR'S WIFE STARTS TO YELL AT HIM. HE GIVES HER A PIE.
XXIX. DUKE DRAWS A GUN.
XXX. GUNNAR AND HIGHWAY PATROL ARRIVE: THEY HAVE GUNS OUT.
XXXI. THEY FIRE A FEW SHOTS IN THE AIR TO STOP THE ACTIVITY.
XXXII. DUKE TOSSES THE GUN TO DEWEY. DUKE SHOUTS THAT HE HAS A GUN.
XXXIII. COP TAKES A BEAD ON DEWEY AND IS ABOUT TO FIRE.
XXXIV. WALLACE SEES THIS AND LETS THE COP HAVE A PIE BEFORE HE CAN SHOOT.
XXXV. WALLACE TAKES THE GUY FROM DEWEY AND TOSSES IT TO THE OTHER COP.
XXXVI. WALLACE TELLS DEWEY TO EXPLAIN TO THE GOVERNOR; HE STARTS IN JAPANESE.
XXXVII. THE COPS START TO TAKE DEWEY AND WALLACE OFF.
XXXVIII. THE GOVERNOR STOPS THEM. HE WANTS TO HEAR THE STORY.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I've never seen slapstick choreography boiled down to one page this efficiently, all action-reaction.
They Went That-A-Way & That-A-Way (1978)(undated; revised)
by Tim Conway
*As frequently collaborator Harvey Corman said, "You can't take everything seriously. You have to break the mold."
** For example: Duck Soup and Monkey Business.
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