TODAY'S NUGGET: Police Academy (1984) - Comedies Are Built on ______ Which is Built By ________

[Quick Summary: A fresh group of academy cadets try to survive basic training.]

Q: I get tired of hearing "you should want to hang out with these characters," and "it's all about the relationships."
A: It's true, nevertheless, especially in comedies.

Q: Why? 
A: Because if you want to hang out, then you'll watch the film.  

Q: But what does it look like, on the page?
A: One thing that makes us feel like we belong is building comradery, a common language, and trust. 

This happens through being thrown into a common experience (ex. school, war, police academy) and  learning to handle one another (ex. playing pranks and jokes on each other).

For example, today's script has a good example, even though it's a first draft:
- Mahoney is a parking lot attendant who defies authority.
- Leslie Barbara is "every bully's dream. He's the kind of wimp who gets sand kicked in his face even when he's not at the beach."
- What is the purpose of this scene where Mahoney plays a joke on Barbara? To see how such different characters start to get to know each other and get along. 

INT. DORM BATHROOM - DAWN

Fackler flushes the urinal and exits. Mahoney enters and crosses to the sink.  He slaps some cold water on his face. He turns to find Barbara standing there staring at him intensely.

MAHONEY: What is it?

BARBARA: I got to take a grumpy.

MAHONEY: A what?

BARBARA: A grumpy.

MAHONEY: You got to grumpy? What's a grumpy?

BARBARA (embarrassed): You know, a grumpy.

MAHONEY (realizing): Oh, a grumpy.

BARBARA: And I can't grumpy with anyone else in the room.

MAHONEY: Who can? I'm going now, so you can grumpy to your heart's delight.

He exits. Barbara checks the other stalls to be certain he is alone. Satisfied, he steps into a stall and sits. Mahoney comes tip-toeing back into the room. Quietly he opens the stall next to Barbara. He closes the door and sits. CAMERA PUSHES IN ON their feet beneath the stall doors.

MAHONEY (O.S.)(piously, as if in a confessional): Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. 

BARBARA (O.S.): Mahoney!

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Comedies are built on comradery, which is built by common experiences. Don't shy away from finding unusual ways to throw characters together.

Police Academy (1984)(8/1/82 1st draft)
by Neal Israel & Pat Proft 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1988) - One Trick When Topping a Gag With Another Gag

[Quick Summary: Lt. Frank Drebin comes out of retirement to go undercover to stop a terrorist bomber who is targeting the Academy Awards ceremony.]

Trying to top a gag with more gags is tricky.  

This script has a good example, and relies on exaggerating the next gag in line:
- Frank, Nordberg, and the Captain are hiding in plain sight.
- They are waiting for goons to appear.
- Three women are trying to drag four carriages up or down the stairs. The cops help them, reluctantly.
- The goons arrive. The cops let go of the carriages to fire at goons. 
- Then the writers mock this whole stair situation by the worst possible things into this tense moment, ex. politicians, etc.
- It's also quite funny to even mock the seriousness of this situation by distracting Frank and have him pick up a shiny object during the gun battle.

INT. TRAIN STATION - DAY

ANGLE - NORDBERG

starts FIRING, realizes he's let go of both his baby carriages. He runs out of FRAME chasing them. Right behind Nordberg, a runaway lawnmower careens through FRAME, followed by a Japanese GARDENER who throws up his hands and mouths the words, "My lawnmower!" [This parodies the "preciousness" of the carriages.]

ANGLE - FRANK

Guns blazing, diving, FIRES at the Goons.

ANGEL - GOONS

 One is hit, rolls down the stairs. The Other is hit -- he rolls up the stairs. [This gag tops the previous one because it's so random and we know people can't roll UP the stairs.]

ANGLE - FRANK

His eyes spot something on the ground. A surprised look crosses his face. Still FIRING, he bends down and picks the object up -- it's a bright, shiny quarter. What luck! Happily, Frank pockets the coin, his gun still blazing away. [Another nonsequitur that works because it's such a ridiculous tangent.]

ANGLE - ED

still struggling to free his gun from his sock. He sits down on the top stair, really goes at it. 

ANGLE - FRANK

FIRING away.

O.S. VOICE: Hey, look, it's the President!

ANOTHER ANGLE

It's BILL CLINTON coming down the stairs with his Secret Service entourage. [This tops the lawnmower as "things that shouldn't be in a shootout."]

RESUME - FRANK

surprised to see the President.

O.S. VOICE: And the Pope!

ANGLE - HIS HOLINESS

is also coming down the stairs with his Security People. [The Pope definitely tops the President as people who would never be here.]

ANGLE - HEZBOLLAH FANATIC

his body rigged with grenades and dynamite suddenly comes out of nowhere, rushes toward the President and the Pope.

FANATIC (screaming): Yee ah! [Fanatics are the absolute worst people to have in a shootout with babies, the President and the Pope.]

ANGLE - FRANK

can't believe this is happening. He whips his gun up, shoots the Hezbollah.

RESUME - HEZBOLLAH

Clothes-lined by Frank's bullet, drops like a rock.

RESUME - FRANK

O.S. VOICE: Oh my God! Look! It's disgruntled Postal Workers!

Frank turns to see 

ANGLE - TOP OF STAIRS

It's a human wave attack of Postal Workers, all in uniform, all with automatic weapons, some with mail sacks. They start spraying the place with AUTOMATIC GUNFIRE. [This made me laugh the hardest because we expect the writers to top the fanatics with someone more traditionally physically violent, and they went the emotional route to long-suffering government workers.] 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When trying to top a gag, it's helpful to try unexpected, unusual ways to exaggerate the next gag in line (emotional, physical, psychological, etc.)

Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994)(2nd draft, 8th revision, 8/13/93)
by Pat Proft 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear (1991) - Exceeding the Audience's Expectations with Escalating Sight Gags

[Quick Summary: Lt. Frank Drebin must stop his ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend who is trying to kidnap a scientist whose solar power research will change lives.]

I'm a sucker for clever sight gags in which the writer understands the audience's expectation and doubles down on it with a twist that exceeds that expectation.

Today's script has a good example: 

EXT. HOTEL ROOFTOP - NIGHT

ANGLE

Hapsburg forcing Jane at gunpoint into the control room. 

FRANK

FRANK: He's got Jane!

BLAM! A bullet ricochets off a girder just inches from Frank's head. He ducks behind a garbage can and FIRES back. Ed does likewise. [The audience expects a big, explosive battle.]

NORDBERG 

BULLETS ZING around him. He jams a clip into his 9mm pistol. Clips on infrared scope. Then a longer barrel...  [The audience expects Nordberg's bigger gun to make a bigger bang.]

THUG

FIRING away, takes cover behind a garbage can.

FRANK

SHOOTING away.

GOON

SHOOTING.

ANGLE 

Frank and gun are only three feet apart. [This is one of my favorite gags. We expect this intense gun battle, but definitely further than 3 ft. apart! It upends our expectation.]

NORDBERG

attaching more stuff to the pistol. It now resembles an M-60 with an ammo belt threaded through. He's starting to mount it on a huge turret. [The escalation of Nordberg's gun is amusing because it's now enormous.]

GOON

The goon's gun is out of bullets. He throws his gun at Frank. Frank throws his gun at the goon. They continue to throw guns at each other. [A gun allows shooters to aim from far away, with bullets. We do not expect the fight to end as a throwing match with the actual guns, close up.] 

FRANK: Cover me! I'm goin' in!

Frank charges in, FIRING two guns simultaneously a la Butch Cassidy.

CONTROL ROOM DOOR

The door is BLOWN AWAY. Frank stops, looks behind him.

FRANK'S POV

Nordberg, in World War II helmet, is mounted on what now looks like a a World War II cannon with crank-style turret and spider's web sight. [This final escalation is funny because it's overkill for the job.]

FRANK

runs to gaping hole in control room wall.  

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked how the writers started with what's familiar, then added a twist that escalates or exaggerates the situation, and we're surprised. 

Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear (1991)(8/17/90 w/revisions) 
by David Zucker and Pat Proft

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Naked Gun: From the Files of the Police Squad (1988) - Impressive Variety & Number of Jokes Per Page (& A Caution)

[Quick Summary: Bumbling Chicago Det. Frank Drebin is on the case, trying to foil drug cartels and the assassinators of Queen Elizabeth II.]

My favorite part of any Zuckers-Abrams-Proft script is the number and variety of jokes stuffed in every page - visual jokes, verbal jokes, puns, slapstick, gags, etc.

For example, in this scene below, Frank is in the lab with his boss Ed and Mr. Olsen, the head of the lab:

INT. POLICE LAB - DAY

...AL enters. Since he's seven feet tall, his head is OUT OF FRAME. He's holding a shoe box. [Visually funny and interesting because we only see a torso.]

AL: Here's the package you wanted, Chief.

He sets it on the desk.

ED: Thanks, Al.

Al turns to leave. Ed stops him.

ED (cont.): Al, you're out of uniform again. Regulation headgear only. You know that.

AL: Sorry, Chief, I was just trying something different.

He places a large Mexican sombrero down on the desk and exits. Frank looks after him, a bit puzzled. Olsen opens the shoe box. He pulls out a man's shoe. [This gag is both verbally and visually funny. We don't expect a police officer wearing a sombrero, nor a tall man wearing a tall hat.]

MR. OLSEN: Here's something we developed only yesterday. To the casual observer, an ordinary shoe. But in actuality...

INSERT - SHOE

A knife springs out of the toe like a switchblade. [This is a genre joke. It's expected, but only if you've seen this contraption before in other spy or James Bond films.]

INT. POLICE LAB - DAY

MR. OLSEN: It makes quite a handy weapon... 

Now Olsen swings out more knives, various tools, scissors, bottles opener/screwdriver, corkscrew, etc. [This is a heightened joke, playing off of what we'd expect and then adding to it.]

MR. OLSEN (cont.): ...And everything a cop in the field would need. We call it the Swiss Army Shoe. [Pun of "Swiss Army knife."]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I noticed two simultaneous things: 

First, the number of the jokes per page seemed to create its own propulsive energy, and made me want to see what happened next.

However, over time, the sheer density of jokes per page became wearying to read.  I think what was really helpful was to have a different rhythm in there, i.e., Frank falling in love, to break up the same-ness of tone.

The Naked Gun: From the Files of the Police Squad (1988)(12/10/87 revised)
by Jerry Zucker, Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, Pat Proft 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Deep Cover (1992) - When Is It Ok to Tell, Not Show, What's Inside Her Head?

[Quick Summary: When a good cop goes undercover to try to ferret out a drug importer, will he succumb to the excesses and violence?]

Q: Screenwriting rules should never, ever, ever be broken, right?
A: I felt that way too...until I saw every one of them broken.* Stick with the "rules" until you know when, how, and most importantly WHY, to break them.

Q: *Gasp!* But WHEN? HOW? Don't tell me "I'll only know with experience."
A: I only figured it out by experience (reading and writing, reading and writing).**

Q: Can you give me an example of when to break "show, not tell"?
A: Today's action thriller script is a good example when telling what's inside a character's head works best.  

Critic Roger Ebert explains the protagonist's dilemma: 

What sets "Deep Cover" apart is its sense of good and evil, the way it has the Fishburne character agonize over the moral decisions he has to make. Most drug movies are so casual about their shootings and killings that you'd hardly think it even hurt to get shot. ...Among the many unexpected aspects of this movie is the way its characters constantly ask themselves what the right course is - and if they can afford to take it.

This is apparent in the scene below:
- The protagonist, Hull, is a good cop with strong morals.
- He swore he'd never do drugs, like his dad who died robbing a liquor store.
- However, he's put into deep undercover to ferret out a drug dealer.
- He has witnessed a lot of horrible things, but hasn't crossed the line yet.
- He hooks up with a minor drug dealer, Elias, who doesn't know Hull is a cop.
- Elias gives Hull credibility and introduces him to buyers and sellers.
- Betty owns a jewelry store that is a laundering front.
- This is the first time Betty meets Hull.
- The Note explains concisely what is going on inside of Betty.  Yes, this is "telling" rather than showing, but there's a very quick, complicated, non-verbal dynamic going on.  I wouldn't be surprised if the writer resorted to this description as the most efficient explanation. 
- Even though this is "telling," note how concise the description is.

INT. JEWELRY STORE - DAY

... She produces a vial of coke, looks questioningly at Elias.

ELIAS: By all means.

She draws out six lines. Elias does two.

BETTY (offering him the straw): Come on, Eddie 2, you're up.

HULL: No, thanks.

(NOTE: Betty is acutely attuned to Hull, and in his refusal she senses - albeit unconsciously -- two things: first, that he doesn't trust himself on drugs, therefore, he's a dangerous guy and, therefore, exciting; and, second, more important, the refusal bespeaks a repudiation of the violence and danger and, thus, a longing for goodness. Despite the seeming contradiction, she finds this even more attractive. But because she feels herself to be bad, his goodness seems only a judgment against her, and so she thinks she hates him.)

BETTY: Who is he, my mother?

HULL (smiles): Never have, never will.

Betty ignores him, does her lines.

BETTY (taunting Hull): Oooh...Cocaine, I love it and I hate it and I love it. The disease is the cure.  

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: If there's no other way but to "tell" rather than show, then do it. Don't let the "rules" hamper your expression.

Deep Cover (1992)(7/16/91 draft)
by Michael Tolkin and Henry Bean 

*As a new writer, I was too quick to point out screenwriting "violations of the rules." The reality is that:
- There are no rules.
- Sometimes ignoring the rules accomplishes what following the rules could not.
- A preoccupation with "rules" avoids dealing with the fact that the writing may lack maturity and craft.   
- The most important measure is "does it work?", not "does it follow the rules?" 

**Other hints on breaking screenwriting "rules": 
- The purpose of the "rules" are to give new writers general guidelines to hold on to. (ex. Cinema is visual medium, so it's important to externalize emotions, hence, "show not tell.")
- As I grew as a writer, I realized I was hanging on to the "rules" too much, and they restricted my freedom to imagine and take big swings.
- If I broke a "rule," I found it helpful to explain to myself WHY, and then make sure I wrote it down in my notes. I didn't need to explain it to the reader, but I did need to make sure I knew why, even if it was "I don't know how else to say this."
- The goal is a page turner for the reader.  The "rules" don't guarantee this.
- When a writer breaks the "rules," I've noticed that it tends to be in certain areas, like the example above, and not the whole script.  
- Any "rule-breaking" does not excuse sloppy writing.  Yes, the example above is breaking the "show, don't tell rule," but more importantly, it is also concise and written well to express a difficult emotional dynamic.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Radio Days (1987) - How Politically Incorrect Slapstick is Done Well

[Quick Summary: A series of stories showing radio's big influence on 1930s and 40s America.]

TWO THOUGHTS: 

1) A DIFFERENT ALLEN FILM. Today's script is about the broader idea of radio's impact, and a departure from Allen's smaller, more character driven stories.

2) SLAPSTICK WITH PURPOSE. I find unmotivated slapstick uninteresting.

However, today's script combines slapstick with a purpose, i.e., political incorrectness, to make a point. I chuckled at this added clever commentary.

For example, in the scene below:
- Joe is the son, grade school age. 
- Joe listens to the Avengers on the radio all the time. He wants an Avengers' ring more than anything.
- Joe and his friends are collecting money in cans for the Jewish National Fund.
- The kids break open the cans to count the pennies.  
- Rabbi Baumel catches them and is ashamed they want it for Avengers' rings.
- Rabbi Baumel calls in Joe and his parents.
- The comedy comes from the characters saying that they take offense at something...then doing exactly that ("don't slap the kid", then he slaps the kid himself).
- The rabbi and father's hypocrisy is seen in the slapping.

 INT. RABBI BAUMEL'S OFFICE. DAY.

...RABBI BAUMEL: This is not good. He must be disciplined. Radio has its place but once in awhile. Otherwise it tends to induce bad values, false dreams, lazy habits. To spend time listening to stories of foolishness and violence is no way for a boy to grow up.

JOE: You speak the truth, my faithful Indian companion. 

The rabbi, taken aback, slaps him.

RABBI BAUMEL: To a rabbi you say, my faithful Indian companion?

FATHER: Hey -- don't hit my son!

RABBI BAUMEL: What kind of upbringing is this!?

FATHER (slapping kid): I'll hit him -- but you don't hit him!

RABBI BAUMEL (slaps kid): I know better how to teach fresh children.

FATHER (slaps kid): I said I'd hit him! Leave my son alone.

MOTHER (slaps kid): No, I'll hit him! Because you're too lenient with him!

FATHER (slaps kid): This is lenient!?

RABBI BAUMEL: I'm a faithful Indian? Such impertinence.

MOTHER (slaps kid): See, I'll teach him manners, Rabbi! You and that radio! 

                                                                             CUT TO: 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The combination of two unrelated elements that make it funny.  

I expect political correctness to be serious. I expect slapstick to be amusing. I don't expect political incorrectness to be combined with slapstick and create an unexpected new category.  

Radio Days (1987)(undated draft)
by Woody Allen 

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Locked Room (unproduced) - Why This Creepy, Haunted, Twisty, Pull-of-the-Past Psychological Thriller is Smashingly Great

[Quick Summary: George, the executor of his childhood best friend Fanshawe's literary estate, gets Fanshawe's work published, but isn't prepare for the success or the haunting that follows.]

First, this adaptation* is a complex psychological thriller that's creepy, bewildering, and mesmerizing, but most of all, inventive.  I couldn't put it down. **

Second, I was impressed that this script feels like reading great literature, yet I never got lost or bogged down. ***

Here's the short version of the story:

- George and Fanshawe were childhood friends. 
- Fanshawe was cooler than everyone and George admired him. 
- They both wanted to be writers, but didn't, then lost touch after college.
- Twenty years later, George is working at a Big & Tall shop, writing in his free time.
- One day, George opens the door to a letter from Fanshawe's widow.
- Fanshawe wanted George to sort through his scribblings in a locked room and get them published if they were good. They were fantastic.
- Soon George is very busy handling offers, falling in love with his widow and child, appearing on tv promoting Fanshawe's writing. 
- This is a nightmare for a good guy and aspiring writer like George.
- George is simultaneously haunted by his past envies of Fanshawe, the present sticky situation, or his hope for a future with Fanshawe's widow.

It's complicated, right? So why didn't I get lost?? I think it's because the writer understood the key role that subtext plays in psychological thrillers. 

He structured the scenes so that we question George's mental judgment, i.e., whether he's reacting to the past/present/future, and returns to it regularly.

For example, in the scene below: 
- Stuart, an editor and acquaintance, is entranced by Fanshawe's work. 
- Stuart wants to publish. George agrees.
- Fanshawe died in fiery car accident. 
- Two of the great mysteries of the story is WHY did Fanshawe leave all the responsibility to George, and what about George's hopes?
- Note that writer uses Stuart's questions to poke into the past, present, and future.
- Note how we circle back to an unspoken fear (George will not get published) and ends with a "ouch!" to his ego. 
- Also note the SPEED of the emotional pacing. It's a roller coaster ride that circles back to the competition between George and Fanshawe.

INT. GEORGE'S APARTMENT - EVENING

 ...STUART: Pity.

GEORGE: Yeah.

STUART: I mean, that he isn't around. I'd love to be able to work with him. A few little nips and tucks -- you know.

GEORGE: That's just editor's pride. You can't look at a manuscript without wanting to take a red pencil to it. I'm sure he wouldn't change a word.

STUART: Hmm, you may be right. But don't take it to heart -- we can't all be prodigies

Suddenly, Stuart looks slyly at George.

STUART: Where is he?

GEORGE: Why d'you mean?

STUART: Is he shy, your boy? Is it some Pynchon thing we've got here? You're not just fronting for him, are ya?

GEORGE: Listen, if he was still around, believe me, I'd tell him to do his own dirty work.

Stuart just smiles. Does he really think George is toying with him? Or is he toying with George?

STUART: How's it feel?

George raises his eyebrows questioningly.

STUART: Discovering a new American master.

Stuart is needling him. George refuses to rise to the bait. 

GEORGE: When do you think you'll have an answer.

STUART: Oh, I already have: we're publishing it. (at the door) Chin up. Might not be as bad as you think. 

GEORGE: What?

STUART: Reflected glory.

Stuart leaves. George pondering. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Those two words ("reflected glory") made me realize the power of subtext in this script.  

It's so much more layered and powerful than "you're not good enough" and speaks to how beautifully constructed this psychological trap is.

The Locked Room (unproduced 3/9/01 draft)
Based on the novel by Paul Auster
by Lem Dobbs 

* It's adapted from The New York Trilogy (1987), by Paul Auster, which is three interconnected detective stories ("City of Glass," "Ghosts," and "The Locked Room").  

**I have not read the book.  Several book reviewers on Goodreads either loved it or hated it.  I can understand why.  I also felt frustrated that answers weren't readily available at times reading the script.

***Purely as a side note, I did get creeped out by the psychological suspense and was glad I read it in the day time.  

TODAY'S NUGGET: This Man, This Woman (Unproduced) - One of The Best at "Can't Live With/Without You" Emotional Gridlock

[Quick Summary: After many years apart, a film director and a sculptor (who were once married)  unexpectedly meet again on a plane.]

Though unproduced, this script was written by Frederic Raphael, whom I consider one of the best at memory time jumps (see here) and showing emotional gridlock. 

Raphael is particularly good at the bittersweet of "I can't live with you, I can't live without you." This keeps us wanting to know what comes next.

For example, in the scene below:
- Matt and Martha got married, had a son, then had an acrimonious divorce for unknown reasons.
- Several years later, their paths crossed when they were seated together on a plane.
- They have just had a cautiously pleasant conversation.
- This scene shows they're defensive, so they're not connecting, yet they have a great dynamic together.
- This scene keeps us wondering what is keeping them apart.
- The banter is a trademark of this writer's voice. It's not just clever, but also pointed and humorous. 

INT. THE PLANE. DAY.

... They both "sleep", smiling faintly. This sparring is not without warmth. But it's dangerous.

MATT: Are you busy?

MARTHA: Yeah, I'm pretty busy. 

MATT: I meant, like now, are you? 

MARTHA: I meant now. What do you want me to do? Sew on a button?

MATT: Take a look at this script.

MARTHA: You know your trouble, Matthew?

MATT: Sure. I haven't done anything great. But I have made my father feel proud of me. And ashamed of himself. I set him up in business finally. I hope that was nice of me.

MARTHA: What's it all about?

MATT: My mother was right to throw him out, but I can't forgive her for marrying him.

MARTHA: That's very up-front of you, but I only meant: what's the script all about?

MATT gives her the look. What a bitch sometimes!

MATT: It's a re-make...

MARTHA: You always said they never worked.

She's hit a nerve. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I really like that the gridlock comes from character, i.e., each side has something historically unresolved between them. Yet they do what everyone does in the meanwhile, and try to carry on.  

The intrigue/suspense for me is the fact that Martha is difficult and pushes Matt, but she's the only one who will tell him the truth (and vice versa). 

This Man, This Woman (unproduced)
by Frederic Raphael 

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Scarlet Letter (1926) - How a Series of Images Conveys Meaning Without Words ("Cinematic Language")

[Quick Summary: After having a baby out of wedlock in the 1600s, Puritan Hester refuses to name her lover and suffers the consequences.]

Q: Someone said I need to know "cinematic language." What is that? 
A: I like to think of it as the way images can convey meaning, often without words.

Q: How do I learn how to write in a cinematic language?
A: One good way is to study silent films since they rely on images over dialogue.

Q: No dialogue?! Aren't they boring to read?! What could I learn?
A: Yes, they're a bit technical.  But they remind writers that our job is to find creative ways to STRING TOGETHER images to create deeper meaning without heavy reliance on dialogue.

For example, in this script:
- Hester and her daughter are inside the house.
- It's essentially technical shot list and there are no slug lines (unlike modern scripts). 
- However, notice that there's still structured drama through images:  The writer strings together individual images of Child (happy) + Her Mother (sad) = create a third meaning (bittersweet).
- This use of images to tell a story is called "cinematic language."

Fade in. Ins[ert] of hand. Makes Letter A in sand.

CU girl

CU Hester seated in chair

CU little girl

CU Hester looking at insert

of letter A in sand

CU Hester

CU little girl looks up at Hester and laughs

CU Hester looks down at hands and turns to right

CU little girl laughing, then looks serious, rises to feet

MS Hester seated in chair. Little girl enters to her and embraces her.

[TITLE CARD READS] Outcasts shamed
and despised' But 
Hester's happy child 
reflected the hope that 
still lay in her mother's 
heart.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I struggle with trusting audiences with my series of images.  Will they understand?  Thus, I find I tend to overwrite with dialogue.

The Scarlet Letter (1926) 
by Frances Marion*
Adapted from the novel by Nathaniel Hawthorne 

*Frances Marion won two Oscars and was nominated three times.  She was one of the earliest and most prolific screenwriters (with at least 189 projects credited to her).  She also is the author of How to Write and Sell Film Stories (1937).  

TODAY'S NUGGET: Vatel, Master of Pleasure (2000) - An Example of How a Comeback Stinger Works (Dialogue Setup-Payoff)

[Quick Summary: A master steward must ensure a royal visit goes smoothly in order to gain his cash-strapped boss a commission from King Louis XIV.]

Q: I want to write a comeback stinger, so focus on the punch line, right?
A: It's important, but not the MOST important part.

Q: Huh?! What's more important than the punch line?
A: A punch line is the payoff. Without a proper set up, it languishes.

Q: Give me an example of a good set up.
A: Let's use today's script, which is a farce that exposes the excesses and debauchery of 1600s France. Everyone obsesses about status...except our protagonist Vatel.

In the scene below, the antagonist (de Lauzun) gets the final zinger, but note that it works because it was set up properly:
- Vatel is a steward who rose up the ranks by his own merit.
- The Marquis de Lauzun is the king's courtier, i.e., an intermediary.
- Vatel and the Marquis have the same level of authority, on opposite sides. 
- The Duchesse de Longueville is after a political promotion for her husband, and is not afraid to seduce the Marquis to get it. 
- The set up is about who can top the other in status:
--> First, de Lauzun tries to belittle Vatel. 
--> Then, Vatel uses his wits against de Lauzun. It's a draw.
--> Then, the Duchesse butts in and says she's the first to have de Lauzun's secret. It looks like she's on top. 
--> Finally, de Lauzun saying she's the last to know. He outsmarted her with the last word.

EXT. CASCADES. LATER. 

,,,Lazun notices Vatel and laughs.

LAUZUN (CONTINUED): I was just telling the Duchesse about your boyhood days in the brothels of the Ile Saint Louis.

VATEL (bows to the Duchesse): It's quite true. No one know more about the brothels of the Ils Saint Louis than the Marquis de Lauzun.

DUCHESSE (to Lauzun): I think he's just insulted you but it's hard to tell. That's a rare gift; if you punish him for it I'll tell everyone your favorite perversion.

LAUZUN (smiling to the Duchesse): But, Duchesse, you were the last to know. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The cleverness of this stinger lies in its set up.  

Here, the Marquis de Lauzun fails to ridicule Vatel with his own shortcomings.  Frustrated, he uses the Duchesse's love of gossip against her with added spite.

Vatel, Master of Pleasure (2000)(1/19/99 revised)
by Jeanne Labrune
Translated and adapted by Tom Stoppard

TODAY'S NUGGET: Twins (1988) - The Purpose of the Energy Flow is to Show Character

[Quick Summary: A tall, "perfect" man goes in search of his twin, who turns out to be a short, small time crook.]

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that this draft was very well polished. 

First, it was rewritten by last week's Harris & Weingrod, and second, the great William Goldman gave it a pass too.

I really liked that:
- the purpose of the energy flow in this script is to show character, and 
- there's a control to the chaos.

For example, in the scene below: 
- This is the scene that introduces the idea these are twins by using "twinning" behaviors.
- Julius is the taller, "good" twin.
- Vince is the shorter, "bad" twin.
- Notice the largest paragraph below is all one sentence, a controlled roller coaster of a ride, much like sheltered Julius' experience of encountering a big city.
 - Then note how the energy flow and momentum ramps up and lands on the moment Julius stands in the middle of the street, absorbing all of Hollywood.
- The writers are deliberately controlling the chaos with pacing and flow. 

EXT. GRAUMAN'S CHINESE THEATER - MAGIC HOUR

Vince brushes himself off, hesitates a moment, pulling on his left ear with his right hand.

Immediately behind him, facing the opposite direction, is another man, also pulling on his left ear with his right hand. It is Julius --

-- Their backs are to each other. Without ever catching sight of one another, they move off, going their separate ways. Now, from this -- 

                                                    CUT TO: 

EXT. DOWNTOWN HOLLYWOOD STREET - NIGHT

Downtown Hollywood in all it's sleeze. There's a museum and a scientology center and every fast food place imaginable and people shouting as they sell things, "flowers" and street food and there's a porno house showing Tight 'n Tender and there's young people dressed like punks and old people boozed out and pimps and druggies and guys slumped unconscious int he gutter and crowds of tourists walking this way, that way, and there's noise and little and one more thing --

--There's Julius, case in hand, staring around, taking it all in. We're a long way from his island now. He studies all the humanity swirling around him --

                                                   CUT TO:

CLOSEUP ON JULIUS

And you can see it on his face: He loves it.

JULIUS (almost a whisper): ...How wonderful...  

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked this script because it used cinematic language well.  It uses words to convey how we should feel about images, but was readable.  

I like to find Goldman scripts that are new-to-me, like this one. They are instructive since they are: a) easy to read and b) have great craftsmanship.

Twins (1988)(consolidated 4th draft, 4/27/88 with revisions)
by William Osborne & William Davies
Revisions by Timothy Harris & Hershel Weingrod and William Goldman

TODAY'S NUGGET: Trading Places (1983) - Not Tipping Your Hand Right Before a Turning Point (Suspense)

[Quick Summary: A homeless man and a broker have their lives surreptitiously swapped, all for a measly bet between two rich old men.]

This buddy comedy is a gem because of its classic fish-out-of-water setup, i.e., poor guy swaps lives with rich guy. 

It also does a great job of playing the moments as real, particularly leading up to the turning points.  This leads to REAL consequences & REAL stakes.

Because there are no magic solutions and no "fake deaths", it doesn't tip the hand of what's to come next and helps keep the suspense rising.

For example, in the scene below: 
- Louis Whipple is the grandson-in-law-to-be for two elderly Mr. Dukes. 
- Louis has just tried to O.D. on prescription pills. 
- Billy Ray is the homeless man.
- Ophelia is a woman of the streets who joins the adventure.
- Billy Ray and Ophelia have been walking Louis around the park to keep him awake.
- The writers allow Louis to make mistakes and allow the situation to defeat him.  They don't try to soften the blow by a magical solution.
- As a result, we go right up to the turning point (Louis' aha! moment below ) with real stakes (the stupid bet has gone awry and is about to cause a fatality). 

EXT. A PARK - NIGHT

...The two of them fall in the snow, and Billy Ray ends up sitting on Whipple's chest, holding him down.

BILLY RAY: Try and get it through your thick skull, Whipple! This whole thing was an experiment! And you and me are the guinea pigs! They made a bet over what would happen to us!

The truth is finally starting to dawn on Whipple. He looks from Ophelia's face to Billy Ray's.

LOUIS: A bet? They ruined my life over a bet? A bet for how much?

BILLY RAY: One dollar.

Whipple finally gets it. He smiles and nods, but his left eye is twitching.

LOUIS: A dollar. Good. Okay. Fine.

BILLY RAY: You okay, man?

LOUIS: Oh, I feel wonderful. And I'm going to feel even better.

                                       CUT TO: 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: One reason that I think audiences have become uninterested in "fake death" universes is because there are no consequences, no stakes, and thus little suspense.

Trading Places (1983)(June, 1982, 1st draft)
by Timothy Harris & Herschel Weingrod

TODAY'S NUGGET: Married to the Mob (1988) - How to Not Lose the Reader, Despite Various POV

[Quick Summary: After her mobster husband is murdered by his boss, Angela is determined to make a new life with her son, but the mob won't leave her alone.]

Q: What sets this script apart for you?  
A: It captures different points of view, but never loses focus on the protagonist.

Q: How does it do it?  Especially maintaining such clarity? 
A: I think it's the unity of the subject matter.  There's a variety of points of view, but they're all about the same subject, i.e., Angela.

For example, in the scene below:
- Angela is a sweet woman, who was oblivious to the shenanigans of Sal, her dead mobster husband.  Everyone makes assumptions about her. 
- Tony, Sal's best friend, is the head mobster. 
- Tony is married to Connie and is afraid of her.
- Tony killed Sal because Sal was sleeping with Tony's side girlfriend.
- Tony wants to sleep with Angela, and keeps tabs on her, even after she's moved away.
- Tony and his underling Tommy show up at Angela's new apartment.
- Note the multiple points of view (Connie, Ed, Mike, Tommy, Tony). Each segment adds important information, AND they're united by the subject matter, Angela.
- Also note how: a)  the unity of subject matter, plus b) CAPITALIZED location slugs helps the reader easily switch points of view. This is great clarity of writing.

EXT. RIVINGTON STREET - AT THAT MOMENT

IN FRONT OF ANGELA'S BUILDING

Angela, Tony and Tommy come out of the building and pause on the steps. 

TOMMY: Look, Ange, Rose wants to have you out for dinner next week. How's Thursday?

ANGELA: I really don't think...

TOMMY: Or Friday?

ANGELA: Umm...

TOMMY: Or any night that's good for you.

ANGELA: I tell you, Tommy...I'm so busy with the move, getting set up and everything. I don't even know if we're gonna stay here. Why don't I give you a call when I get settled?

TOMMY (disappointed): Sure, I understand. But don't forget, okay? Promise?

ANGELA (squirming): Sure, Tommy.

TOMMY: Take care, Angie. If you need anything...

ANGELA: Thanks, Tommy. So long.

He gives her a big hug and heads for the car.

DOWN THE BLOCK

peering over the steering wheel of the white Cadillac is Tony's worst nightmare -- Connie. She watches with keen interest.

IN FRONT OF ANGELA'S BUILDING

TONY: It was great seeing you, Angela.

Tony takes Angela's hand. She stiffens. He plants a gentle kiss on her hand while looking into her eyes.

IN THE WHITE CADILLAC

Connie watches as Tony kisses Angela's hand. Connie's worst suspicions are confirmed. She's absolutely livid.

FROM A BASEMENT STAIRWELL

Ed video-tapes Tony and Angela. Connie's white Cadillac zooms past.

IN FRONT OF ANGELA'S BUILDING

Tony gives Angela a meaningful look.

TONY (in Italian): Ci vediamo, cara.

Tony gets into the car and Tommy drives off. Angela is emotionally exhausted.

ANGELA (moans): Oh, God.

AT THE FIFTH FLOOR WINDOW

Mike has seen Tony's farewell. Mike shakes his head ruefully as he watches Angela walk down the street. He moves away from the window.

AT THE CORNER

Angela stops in front of the "Hello, Gorgeous!" beauty salon. IN the window there's a mirror with an inscription reading: ARE YOU READY FOR A BRAND NEW YOU? Angela looks at her reflection in the mirror. She can see that the events of the day have caught up to her. She tugs at her Chez Ray hairdo, obviously displeased. Then Angela notices a sign in the window that reads: "Help Wanted." 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: To keep things clearer for the reader, create sign posts in the structure for the audience, ex. unity of subject matter + capitalized locations.

Married to the Mob (1988)(7/14/87 draft)
by Barry Strugatz & Mark R. Burns

TODAY'S NUGGET: Rachel Getting Married (2008) - Example of How Biting Wit & Humor Both Connects and Isolates

[Quick Summary:  Kym, who has been in and out of rehab, is allowed out of her recovery home for her sister Rachel's wedding.]

Q: What makes this melodrama stand out?
A: The key is the protagonist, Kym, who has a biting wit and humor.

Q: What's so unusual?
A: I never know whether it's to connect (and bring the other person closer), or to isolate (and keep them at a distance).  Either way, it keeps things suspenseful.

For example, in the scene below:
- Just prior to this scene, Kym's dad and step-mom have just picked her up from rehab for the wedding weekend.
- In the car, they try to act normal, but the parents are worried. 
- Kym answers their questions with wit, but is defensive.
- Kym wants to belong, but she also likes to be provocative to stand out. 
- Kym has a conscience, but is also self-absorbed.  
- Thus, we enter the scene below uneasy how Kym feels about her sister Rachel.
- Notice Kym is a person of extremes. When she (or another) makes an honest mis-step, she's hard on herself (and others) in a witty way. It's hard to predict but also hard to deal with.

 INT. UPSTAIRS. DAY. CONTINUOUS --

 ...KYM (to Rachel): No, seriously, you're so tiny it's like you're Asian. Dad wants us to sleep in the same room so you'll be able to watch me while he's asleep and I won't sneak out of the house and blow dealers and shoot heroin.

RACHEL: Dad did not say "blow dealers."

KYM: I told him I'd just sleep in Ethan's room.

Beat. [This is an honest mistake and they just realized it.  Also, it makes us wonder. Who is Ethan? What happened? Something bad?]

RACHEL: You can always shoot up in the tree. [Rachel deflects with humor and sarcasm.]

Kym laughs. A little too loud. [Kym does realize the mis-step and tries to cover.]

EMMA: Kym, I'm not remotely surprised you're starting your drama already, however it's Rachel's wedding and this week it's about her.

KYM: Emma, you still have your tiny core of rage! What a relief. [Kym can't admit Emma is right, so uses humor/sarcasm as a defense mechanism.]

Kym flops on the bed and gazes adoringly at her sister for a moment. Rachel beams back. [I found it interesting that the sisters are used to sarcastic humor, so they don't take it personally.]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The biting wit and humor works well here because it comes from character, i.e., it's how Kym deals with life.

It also lends itself to great suspense because we never know if it'll connect, or isolate, her.

Rachel Getting Married (2008)(undated)
by Jenny Lumet

TODAY'S NUGGET: National Treasure (2004) - What Sets Apart the Escalation in This Blockbuster Action Film

[Quick Summary: A historian treasure hunter races against mercenaries who are also looking for the lost Templar treasure.]

In my hunt for more scripts written by E. Max Frye,* I was surprised to find this action blockbuster among his more intimate, character driven films.

However, what sets this film apart from a lot of action adventures is that the big set pieces still feel intimate, in part because they're driven by characters.** 

Consider the escalation scene below:
- Ben Gates, the protagonist, has convinced Ian, a financier, to fund him for the last 7 months. At heart, he's a historian.
- Riley is Ben's compatriot and researcher.
- Ian only wants the treasure to make himself famous.
- Ben, Riley, Ian have traveled to the Arctic to board a 200 y.o. sunken frigate.
- Inside, they found a pipe with a riddle, which they solved.
- The riddle points to the existence of a treasure map, but it's on the back of the Declaration of Independence. 
- Ben refuses to steal the Declaration of Independence. 
- Ian pulls out a gun and demands to know all Ben knows about the riddle.
- I liked this good vs. bad guy action scene because it shows creativity in the snowball effect. 
- When Ian threatens, Ben turns the tables with a lighter --> light goes out --> gunshots --> gas lamp hit & explodes --> Fire!
- Notice how the scene begins with character, i.e., a stand-off, and the escalating action is an extension of the tension between them. 

INT. SHIP, CAPTAIN'S CABIN - CONTINUOUS 

...Ian turns his gun on Riley instead.

IAN: Tell me, or I shoot Riley.

RILEY: Wait! How do you know I don't know something else about the riddle?!

Ben and Ian can't help but just give Riley a look, then Ian pulls the trigger...BLAM!

Riley flinches as the glass porthole in the wall just behind him shatters. The old ship GROANS.

RILEY (CONT'D): Shit. Come on, Ben. Tell him what he doesn't know.

BEN: Okay...

Ben comes up with HIS LIGHTER and flicks it on.

BEN (CONT'D): ...for one thing, the whole room below us is full of gunpowder.

Ben holds the flame over the trap door in the floor. 

BEN (CONT'D): You shoot anyone, I drop this, and none of us gets out of here alive.

Ian eyes the flame. Ben eyes the gun. A tense stand-off.

RILEY (incredulous): Whoa-whoa-whoa! How did we all go from wildly rich to dead in a matter of minutes? Let's think here.

Just then, the FLAME FLICKERS AND GOES OUT. Ian shrugs.

On reflex, Ben tackles Riley and hurls them both to the ground behind the desk as...

Ian OPENS fire on them...BLAM-BLAM-BLAM-BLAM-BLAM!

Bullets CHEW UP the desk and walls. 

One bullet takes out the GAS LANTERN. It explodes with an OIL FIRE, instantly setting the desk ablaze. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Why is it important to start with character before escalating the action? Because the subsequent set piece/action/fights now have meaning. 

National Treasure (2004)(4/9/03 draft)
by Jim Kouf, Cormac & Marianne Wibberley
Previous drafts by Jim Kouf, E. Max Frye, Jon Turteltaub

*I'm attempting to read as many E. Max Frye scripts as possible (even ones he's rewritten, like this one). 

**I would argue that this is a trademark combination in the films produced by producer Jerry Bruckheimer.  

TODAY'S NUGGET: Fracture (2007) - When Anthony Hopkins is Thrilled that Ryan Gosling Can't Find the Right Gun (Motives & Tension)

[Quick Summary: A prosecutor is pitted against a diabolical suspect who freely admits to shooting his own wife, but the gun on the scene is the wrong one.]

I stumbled across this riveting read, which features Ryan Gosling (prosecutor Willy) vs. Anthony Hopkins (murder suspect Crawford) in a "locked room" murder. * **

I was impressed how the writers kept the tension rising through motives:
- Mr. Crawford's wife was having an anonymous affair with a LAPD detective.  
- Crawford arranges to kill his wife, while this detective is on duty. 
- Crawford admits he killed his wife, but the gun at the scene belongs to the detective! 
- Crawford likes to play games and HAS to win (motive).
- Prosecutor Willy, who is leaving for a cushy law firm job, could let this case slide.
- But Crawford has done his homework on Willy, who also HAS to win (motive).
- Willy still has no clue to where the gun is, even on when the trial begins. We can't stop watching! We need to know what happens! 

I really liked the scene below, as it is a turning point for Willy:
- Marchand is the senior Scene Investigation Division tech in charge of searching the house.
- Note how Willy's desire to win drives him NOT give up, even though the facts now favor Crawford.
- Because Willy cannot get to his goal, we're curious to see what he'll do next.
- I really like how motives drive the tension.

INT. CRAWFORD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DUSK

WILLY: What about the neighbors' property? He could have thrown it over the hedges. 

MARCHAND: We checked. (beat) He might have passed it off to somebody, Willy. Had an accomplice, waiting, out the back.

Willy shakes his head, grim. Pacing.

WILLING: This isn't an accomplice sort of guy.

He slows. Looking across the room at the big Rube Goldberg device. As he moves toward it:

WILLY: This is a ...guy who likes to show off.

He examines the intricate workings, eyes traveling the clutter of metal and wires and motors. 

Checks Marchand - who shakes his head.

WILLY: You sure?

MARCHAND: I'm sure.

Willy grimaces. Fuming, relentless: 

WILLY: It's a physical object. It can't just vanish. We're missing something - some step in the story.

He begins walking through the crime, "the stations of the cross" - re-enacting it, starting from the front door, methodical, reciting it to himself:

WILLY: The neighbor sees her get home. He's already inside. She lets herself in. A minute or two later: blood-pattern says she's standing over there - he's somewhere around here.

Willy stands where Crawford was. Raises a finger-gun.

WILLY: Boom. 

As Willy goes to where Jennifer fell:

MARCHAND: But then he carries her back there. Why? 

Willy walks along the path defined by the drops of blood:

WILLY: Because he's gonna need time. To confess. When he's alone with the cop. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: A character like Willy, who is this strongly motivated, will naturally conflict with others, which in turn, drives the tension.

Fracture (2007)(1/6/05, with revisions)
by Dan Pyne

*I've been attempting to read as many E. Max Frye scripts as possible, even ones he's rewritten, such as this one. 

**As a side note: This script is well written and reads really fast.  Scripts this good often have a lot of help, and I counted 6 writers listed on the cover page. 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Where the Money Is (2000) - Woman as Aggressor

[Quick Summary: After discovering her patient has faked his symptoms in order to be transferred from prison, a nurse provokes him into robbing banks again to escape her boring life.]

Writer E. Max Frye's writing has a distinctive voice* that lends itself to suspense.  

His characters who are willing to go to extremes to get what they want.  If they do not know what they want, they're willing to cause chaos to find out.

The latter is the case with his scripts from last week and this week.  The emotionally starved women are searching for thrills and become the aggressor to find it.

For example, in the scene below:
- The protagonist, Carol, is a nurse in a nursing home.
- She's never traveled or done much in life.
- She married Wayne out of high school. They have a steady, but predictable, relationship.
- The highlight of their lives was winning high school prom.
- Her newest patient, Henry, is a bank robber who was recently transferred from prison.
- Henry has fooled everyone by pretending he's suffered a stroke. 
- Carol is the only one who suspects that Henry is faking it.  
- Henry is mute for the first 23 pgs., until the scene below.
- Carol thinks Henry has what she wants (notoriety, really LIVED, known for something) and is the key to getting it for herself.
- Notice how far she's willing to push to get a reaction. Though dysfunctional, she's so blinded by desperation to feel some excitement, she doesn't care. 

EXT. RIVER - LATE AFTERNOON 

Carol clenches her jaw, gets up and kneels beside Henry.

CAROL: Mr. Manning I know you hear me. I know you see me. I'm not gonna hurt you. You can trust me. I want to be your friend.

She reaches out, touches his cheek. He's blank.

WAYNE: Carol...

She pulls out her lighter, holds the flame under his hand. Nothing.

WAYNE: Carol! What the hell you think you're doinl!

He jumps up, grabs the lighter from her.

WAYNE: We're supposed to be havin' a picnic not a freakin' barbecue!

He pockets the lighter. Carol looks at Henry. 

CAROL: All right, damn you.

She grabs the wheelchair, begins pushing it toward the boat ramp.

WAYNE: Carol, don't do nothin' stupid!

But it's too late. She breaks into a run, pushes the wheelchair faster until they reach the sloping pavement of the boat ramp.

WAYNE: Oh, my God!

She lets it go. It races toward the river: SPLASH! Henry quickly disappears beneath the surface.

WAYNE: You'll drown him! We got to get him out of there!

CAROL: No!

She grabs him as he races past. They struggle...then stop as Henry suddenly rises up out of the water like Poseidon. 

They watch him drag himself ashore. He wipes the water from his face, spits.

HENRY: Gimme a cigarette. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: It's the refusal (or not knowing how) to deal with their emotional starvation that results in the lashing out and dysfunction.**

Where the Money Is (2000)(1/8/96 revised)
by E. Max Frye  

*I thought his quote on IMDB was very insightful:

I was lucky. I was thirty by the time Something Wild (1986) came along, so I pretty much already had my voice. I avoided the pitfalls of the rewrite business, and I moved back as soon as I could to New York and continued to write spec scripts. But I've taught film at NYU enough that I see promising screenwriters take the three-picture deal with Disney, and they just disappear after two years of intense grinding and studio manipulation, notes, and people kicking the shit out of them. Before they know what's going on, they have no voice left - if they ever had one to begin with. Or their nascent kind of voice that attracted the studios and producers in the first place gets stomped right out of them.

**Lest you think this type of character may seem unrealistic and too theatrical, I recently experienced the blowback of dealing with one in real life and the "I want what I want" stonewalling was very real.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Something Wild (1996) - To Unleash Messy Inner Desires, Pinpoint the Deep Want/Desire (Character)

[Quick Summary: A rule breaking free spirit seduces a straight laced VP to leave his responsibilities behind, but her ex-convict husband tracks them down.]

One of the hallmarks of a well-crafted script is when it's emotionally (but not structurally) messy.  

Writer E. Max Frye seems to have a knack for this by ensuring the characters are well rounded.  He carefully selects what the characters want so that they conflict.*

In today's script, for example:
- Lulu is well meaning, but also selfish.  She's driven by desire, fun with no strings.  
- Charles is super-responsible, but emotionally starved.  He desperately wants the adventure that Lulu represents. 
- I wondered, "Why doesn't Charles simply walk away?" It's because he's dry timber and she's a flame.  She provokes his deep desire, bypassing his normal caution. 
- Note that the emotions are messy, but not the structure of the scene.

EXT. MOTEL 

...LULU (interrupting): You have money?

He looks at her questioningly

LULU (CONT.): I mean for the room. The rest is free.

He pulls will wallet out.

CHARLES: I can't use the credit cards 'cause they're all company plastic. Our accountant would sure wonder what I was doing in a cheap motel in the middle of Jersey on a Friday afternoon.

LULU: Use the cash.

CHARLES: I can't use it.

LULU: Why not?

He hesitates and looks at her sheepishly. 

CHARLES: It's money for the Christmas Club.

LULU: What's a Christmas Club?

CHARLES: You put money every week into the Christmas Club. It's at my bank. That way when Christmas comes you're not low on cash. I do it every year. This is money for the Christmas Club. I can't spend it.

She looks at him incredulously.

LULU: Charlie, are you telling me we're not going to get a room 'cause you're saving money for Christmas presents...In the middle of June?

He looks at the money then at her. He sees her legs, on her hips and the pouting red mouth. He sees her breasts pushing out of her shirt toward him. He sees a young woman waiting for him to get a motel room so they can go to bed.

CHARLES: Oh, to hell with Christmas. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I really appreciated the clarity of these character's desires.  They're messy and conflict, i.e., interesting, but I was also never lost.

Something Wild (1996)(10/31/25, 2nd draft)
by E. Max Frye

*FYI: I will be exploring more of his work in these next four scripts. 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Sunset (1988) - Regaining One's Dignity in a Parting Shot (Blake Edwards' Style + Setup-Payoff)

[Quick Summary: After lawman Wyatt Earp agrees to consult on a film starring Tom Mix, they trace a murder by the sadistic studio head that leads to a battle at the first Academy Awards.]

I really enjoy Blake Edwards' ability to construct a parting shot that's deeper than just a funny line of dialogue.  They're witty, with a character flourish.

For example, in the scene below:
- Actor Tom Mix is going to play lawman Wyatt Earp in a film.  
- The sadistic studio chief has decided to hire the real Wyatt Earp to act as a consultant. 
- The studio chief has sent his studio police man, Dibner, to track down Tom Mix (star) and Wyatt Earp (hired consultant).  
- Dibner hired two stunt men to rough up Tom and Wyatt at this restaurant. 
- Tom has just threatened Dibner and slammed him up a wall.
- Wyatt now steps up. 
- Note how the construction of this scene sets up the parting shot: Tom has physically threatened Dibner --> Wyatt threatens too --> Tom (and the audience) know Wyatt's threat has more force --> Tom tries to regain his dignity by "setting Wyatt straight" --> Tom's parting shot makes fun of the credibility he lacks compared to Wyatt

INT. EL COYOTE - NIGHT

...WYATT: I don't know what he told you, Marvin, but seein' as how I'm more civilized than he is I'd like to put in my two cents worth. From here on, you give me any more trouble and I'm gonna kill you. Understand?

DIBNER: Yes.

WYATT: Say it. Convince me.

DIBNER: Any more trouble...you'll kill me.

WYATT: I believe you. So from now on, whether you live or die, it's up to you.

DIBNER (shakes his head): 'Scuse me.

He hurries into the men's room.  Wyatt turns to go but Tom stops him.

TOM: Just a minute. We better get somethin' straight right now!

WYATT: What's wrong?

TOM: I threatened I was gonna drag him behind my horse then you waltz in pretty as you please an' threaten to kill him. I don't like bein' out-threatened.

WYATT: I'm sorry. 'Won't ever happen again.

TOM: Okay...

They walk away.

TOM (continuing): Bad as bein' upstaged. 'Got to remember I'm a star.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This parting shot works because: 
a) it has deeper meaning about character, i.e., Tom's attitude about himself; and 
b) it was constructed (setup) from the scene so that it becomes a satisfying payoff.

Don't be fooled into simply tacking on an amusing line. If it doesn't have deeper meaning, it does not resonate, and thus, is not as funny. 

Sunset (1988)(3/20/87 with revisions)
by Blake Edwards
Based on a novel by Rod Amateau

TODAY'S NUGGET: A Man Who Loved Women (1983) - Blake Edwards Creates Romantic Push-Pull Externalized into Action

[Quick Summary: David, a womanizing sculptor, seeks help from his female psychiatrist about his obsession with women and inability to make decisions.]

THREE THOUGHTS:

1) STARS GALORE! This film, adapted and directed by Blake Edwards, had plenty of star power: Burt Reynolds, Julie Andrews, and Kim Bassinger. 

2) ADAPTATION ISSUES. I thought this was an admirable attempt at adapting a French film. But this might be one of the comedies that doesn't translate well.*

2) ROMANTIC COMMITMENT. Romantic farce** is about ridiculing how humans mess up the basics of love with their vices and follies. 

This script plays with the protagonist's (David) indecisiveness to commit. He's unwilling to sacrifice one for the other.  Maybe he just loves the chase too much?***

This scene below demonstrates David's internal push-pull emotions: 
- David has just met Young Woman at the store during Christmas shopping.  
- David helps carry her packages to her apartment, while walking and talking.
- David has just asked the Young Woman out to dinner, but sees Legs walk by and is distracted.
- Note how David's internal push-pull is externalized into action.  He's half listening.  He's with Young Woman but his attention is on Legs.

EXT. STREET - MOVING SHOT - NIGHT

...YOUNG WOMAN: I've been going steady with someone for nearly a year now...

They reach her car.

YOUNG WOMAN (continuing): ...but if I had to be honest, it's not working out.

She takes out her keys, unlocks the door, while David struggles with the choice of staying or pursuing the legs. 

YOUNG WOMAN: ...so the prospect of having dinner with you...

 DAVID (frantically): Look... (dumps the packages on the hood of the car) Don't move. Stay right here... (steps into the street) I'll be right back. (starts to cross the street) Please don't leave...

YOUNG WOMAN: But I can't...

He stops, looks after the legs, then at the Young Woman. He is frozen like an animal, caught in the car's headlights.

YOUNG WOMAN (continuing; screams): Look out!

ONCOMING CAR

As the terrified driver slams on the brakes.

DAVID

The split second before the impact.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was impressed by how David's internal emotions we seen in actions.

I do admit, however, the overall script left me feeling unsatisfied, unresolved and shaggy (which could be the point?)  

The Man Who Loved Women (1983)(Oct., 1982 final draft)
by Blake Edwards & Geoffrey Edwards
Adapted from Francois Truffaut's L'homme qui aimait les femmes (1977)

*Critic Roger Ebert was not complimentary of this film:

"Here is a sad movie with a funny movie inside trying to get out...This movie is a remake, by the way, of a little-seen 1977 Francois Truffaut film. In the Truffaut, the man was seen as something of a victim, suffering from an incurable disease. The tip-off to the phoniness of the Reynolds version is that the movie seems to be recommending the disease."   

I think he's right that the problem might've been the change of focus, i.e., switching from "commitment is a virtue" to the polar opposite, "commitment-phobic is the virtue."

**As a refresher, farce relies on satire:

- Farce (n.) - a light dramatic composition marked by broadly satirical comedy and improbable plot

- Satire (n.) -  a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn

***I really loved Roger Ebert's extremely astute observation of this character:

"He [David] thinks he loves them, but he's not a love, he's a collector....The problem with a man who loves all women is that he can love a woman."

TODAY'S NUGGET: S.O.B. (1981) - Looseness & Freedom to Write Wild Hijinks in Satire

[Quick Summary:  A director decides to reshoot his box office bomb as an erotic film, jeopardizing the reputation of his rated-G leading lady.] 

In this script, writer/director Blake Edwards wanted to talk about those people who, like leeches, feed off of creative people, then turn on them.

I admire that his writing accomplishes several things: 
a) It's bold, daring (ex. the protagonist doesn't speak for the first 50+ minutes!)
b) It's committed to humor, while skewering people's foibles.
c) It maintains a looseness and freedom to take unexpected swings.

In the scene below:
- Polly is the wicked gossip columnist.
- The other characters are: Ben (publicity), Irving (doctor), Culley (director replacing Felix), Lila (came with Culley).
- Felix, the protagonist director, has not spoken and is trying to kill himself in the other room.
- Polly has been unsuccessful in getting inside the house for a scoop.
- Note how the scene begins how we expect, but doesn't end as we expect.
- Also note that nothing is off the table for a laugh, even a falling protagonist.

INT. FARMER BEACH HOUSE - DAY

...The door flies open and there stands Polly.

BEN: Ahhh... Hello, Polly... 

IRVING: Amazing coincidence. I was just talking about you. [I love that this line is both ironic and kissing up to Polly.]

POLLY: Were you, Irving? Hello, Culley, Ben...I hear Felix tried to commit suicide.

BEN: Felix? Suicide?

Culley laughs, Irving joins in followed by Lila and finally, Ben.  [We know Felix has been trying to kill himself, so we're in on the joke.]

BEN: Ridiculous.

Felix comes crashing through the ceiling and lands on Polly. [What a surprise! I expected the sycophants sucking up to the powerful gossip columnist.  I did NOT expect the crash entrance that complicates how to deal with Polly.]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I like that the physical comedy embodied the satire.  

In other words, Polly is trying to get a scoop on a director's possible suicide.  His leeches pretend he's not. The director's body flies into the scene, obviously attempting the suicide. 

This is using satire (irony, sarcasm, ridicule) to make the point that the leeches who demand so much the director are the same ones sending him to his death.  

S.O.B.  (1981)(3/5/80 revised)
by Blake Edwards.

* S.O.B. = Standard Operating Business

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Pink Pather Strikes Again (1976) - Three Examples of How Inspector Clouseau Slapstick Works

[Quick Summary: After former Inspector Dreyfus leaves an insane asylum, he sends assassins after Inspector Clouseau.]

Blake Edwards wrote and directed the original Inspector Clouseau/Pink Panther films.*  Today's script is #4 of his 8 films.**

These scripts are a joy to read because:
a) the joke is always on Clouseau, who is clueless;
b) the slapstick is constantly moving him out of the fire into the frying pan;
c) the slapstick is inventive.

Here are three examples:

EXAMPLE 1: ROMANTIC JOKE ON CLOUSEAU - A Beautiful Mysterious Woman thinks she's slept with Clouseau, when it was actually another spy, James. 

INT. MUNICH HOTEL FIFTH FLOOR HALLWAY - NIGHT

The elevator doors open and Clouseau exits, walks to his door, is about to put the key in the lock when he realizes that the Clerk has given him the bedroom key. He walks back, unlocks the bedroom door and enters as James [the English spy] exits from the sitting room.  

INT. CLOUSEAU'S SUITE - BEDROOM - NIGHT

Dark. The lights in the sitting room have been turned off. Clouseau makes his way to the light switch. CLICK. No lights in here. He makes his way into the sitting room, bumps into a table. We HEAR the Beautiful Mysterious Woman SIGH. Clouseau turns the lights on in the sitting room.The Beautiful Mysterious Woman awakens, gets up and goes into the bathroom. Clouseau comes back into the bedroom, gets undressed and puts on his pyjamas, goes back into the sitting room. The Beautiful Mysterious Woman comes out of the bathroom and climbs back into bed. Clouseau turns off the sitting room light, bumps into the table again and returns to the bedroom. He climbs in bed. A long silence, then Clouseau lets out a yell, leaps from the bed and runs into the sitting room, hits the table, turns on the lights and carefully makes his way back to the bedroom where he freezes at the sigh t of the Beautiful Mysterious Woman in his bed. 

B.M.W. (smiling wickedly): Forgive me, darling. I just washed my hands and they must have been freezing. 

CLOUSEAU: Yes. Freezing. Hands.

It dawns on him that he must be in the wrong apartment. He hurries across the room, opens the door, checks the room number, and returns, checks his key. 

EXAMPLE 2: "OUT OF THE PAN, INTO THE FIRE" SCHTICK - One mistake leads to another.

INT. MUNICH HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT

A CLEANING MAN. vacuuming. A SERVICE REPAIR MAN standing on a stepladder, putting new light bulbs into the huge crystal chandelier. Clouseau trips on the vacuum cleaner cord, stumbles into the ladder, knocking it out from under the Service Repair Man who grabs the chandelier. While the Service Repair Man swings from the chandelier and the Cleaning Man unplugs the broken vacuum that is spewing a geyser of dirt, some of the hotel staff rush to give aid, take the ladder form Clouseau who then continues his way to the desk as if nothing has happened.  

EXAMPLE 3: INVENTIVE "TOILET" HUMOR 

INT. PUBLIC TOILET - NIGHT

Clouseau enters, waits. The Mexican Assassin enters. A man exits a stall and Clouseau goes in as the East German enters. A man exits a stall on the other side of Clouseau and the East German takes it. We are WATCHING three pairs of legs. Clouseau's shoe lace is untied. He bends to tie it. The TWO "WHUMPS" SOUND almost like one. The life goes out of the two pairs of legs on either side of Clouseau. The Assassin's silenced gun clatters to the tile floor. Clouseau stands, FLUSHES TOILET and emerges, exits short.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I really am impressed by the inventive ways the writers get Clouseau out of worse and worse situations.  It's like kids playing on the page.

The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976)(11/19/75 revised)
by Frank Waldman and Blake Edwards

*FYI: The first Inspector Clouseau film featured a diamond called the "Pink Panther." It was so popular that subsequent Inspector Clouseau films were dubbed "Pink Panther" films even though they didn't feature the diamond again.

**I imagine Edwards was not super-thrilled that studios wanted many sequels.  

However, I also imagine the studios were eager to get Edwards back because:
1) the public was still interested in Clouseau even a decade later; and 
2) two Clouseau projects without Edwards weren't as well received.

Here's the list of Pink Panther/Blake Edwards films.  I included the two non-Edwards projects in bold, just for reference: 

- The Pink Panther (1963) - David Niven
- A Shot in the Dark (1964) - Peter Sellers
- Inspector Clouseau (1968) - Alan Arkin
- "The Pink Panther" animated tv series (1969) 
- The Return of the Pink Panther (1975) - Peter Sellers
- The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976) - Peter Sellers
- Revenge of the Pink Panther (1978)  - Peter Sellers
- Trail of the Pink Panther (1982) - Peter Sellers
- Curse of the Pink Panther (1983) - Peter Sellers
- Son of the Pink Panther (1993) - Roberto Benigni

TODAY'S NUGGET: Long Kiss Goodnight (1996) - Visceral Reactions That Lend Action Packed Energy on the Page

[Quick Summary: When a married schoolteacher with amnesia appears on tv, she is outed as a counter-assassin and becomes a target of former colleagues.]

TWO THOUGHTS:

1)  FEMALE ACTION STAR & THE BOX OFFICE. To me, it's important to understand the box office, so as to be aware of what audiences are paying to see. 

Today's script about a "girl-with-the-gun" struggled at the 1996 box office.  Interestingly, not much has changed, even as of this weekend.*  

2) ENERGY ON THE PAGE. I do admire Shane Black trying a female led action film at the height of his popularity.

He has a knack for conveying energy on the page, which is often difficult to do.  

Here, I like how the protagonist experiences visceral reactions that motivates her into frenzied action. 

For example, in the scene below: 
- The protagonist has lost her memory and is calling herself Samantha, though her real name is Charly.
- She is stretched out on a water wheel that's fed by cold river water.
- The bad guys are torturing her to see if she's really an amnesiac.
- I like that the energy comes from the character's emotions.
- One source is from confusion.  Samantha does not know her violent past. 
- Another source is from anger, from being wronged.  She has no idea why she's being tortured and this type of survival vengeance is particularly vicious and unstable. 

INT. BASEMENT OF OLD MILL - THE PRESENT

... UNDER THE WATER - HELL - SAME

Here we are again, in the world of silence and blinding PAIN. Despair and madness but now there's something else -- Now there's RAGE.  [The primary motivators are confusion, anger.]

It takes losing most of the FLESH from her right wrist... But she frees the hand. WRENCHES it loose. The water turns soupy red around it. GROPES, blindly. Fingers NUMB, so fucking cold -- Breath, running out. No air. NO TIME. [Her physical struggles to free herself are like her mental struggles to make sense of this weird situation.]

She darts her right hand forward. Toward the obscenely bobbing CORPSE of Nathan. Does something grotesque, jams her hand DOWN THE CORPSE'S PANTS -- [I like that she's a thinking protagonist & remembers what Nathan had said earlier.]

Hideaway gun, it's right where he said, right beside Mr. Wally. PSP-25 Semi-auto, steel jackets. She waits. Rage inside her. Death in her hands.

MEANWHILE, BACK ON THE SURFACE

The wheel CREAKS. Groans. The terrorist in the western boots watches her emerge, face first -- She comes up firing. [This is a great image, but also metaphorical.]

The first slug takes him in the knee. Blows it to scraps. He collapses, howling. She shifts aim. THE RED BUTTON. No hesitation. BLAM-! Hits it DEAD ON. Stops the wheel. Incredible.

Doesn't blink. Unties her captive hand. BLOWS TO SPLINTERS the wood surrounding her feet. Leaps to solid ground as 

ANOTHER ANGLE

Daedalus looks up from his prone position. In agony. A vision from Hell approaches: A fiendish blue-skinned woman in a sodden nightgown. Blood leaking from one wrist. She has rise, REBORN, from the icy waters.

DAEDALUS: Samantha... Please..!

CHARLY: Who's Samantha? [She's still angry, but also learning more about herself.]

She shoots him in the other knee. He HOWLS. Gun, empty. She tosses it aside. In a nearby crate: ASSAULT RIFLES. Snatches up a Kalashnikov and clip. Kneels and says:

CHARLY: You see it in the movies, badguy says, "Talk to me and I'll let you live." We're gonna run a variation, it goes like this: Take to me..? I'll let you die. 

She fires again. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  I liked that the emotions led the action, and that they aren't put on hold during a fight. It's messy both physically and mentally as her memories surface.

The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)(2/24/95 revised draft)
by Shane Black

* This weekend, another female led action film was released,  From the World of John Wick: Ballerina (2025).

As of yesterday, Deadline stated that the film made $25M, on a reported budget of $90M, and went on to speculate the reasons why:

"There's also the sense that many have already seen these girl-with-the-gun movies before, and there are plenty of copycats on streaming (i.e. Charlize Theron's The Old Guard, Gal Gadot's Heart of Stone, Jennifer Lopez's The Mother) - so why rush out? But this one is through the lense of John Wick, and ya know, stunts! But you can't just swap out our favorite puppy-loving, gun-toting surfer dude for a female lead, and that's potentially why more of the Wick-faithful aren't going."

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Last Boy Scout (1991) - Varying the Amounts of Suspense + Surprise in Escalating Stakes

[Quick Summary: After a hooker dies in front of her boyfriend and the p.i. she hired for protection, the two men uncover a political conspiracy while finding her killer.]

TWO THOUGHTS:

1)  MISOGYNISTIC? Critics have called this film misogynistic (example here). On the page, I didn't particularly think so, but I can see how the overall film could be. 

2)  ESCALATING STAKES.  Writer Shane Black is well known for his action scripts.  One of the keys is that the stakes escalate in unpredictable ways. 

Also, the combination of suspense (ex. we know the dynamite is going to explode) and surprise (ex. explosion has unexpected consequences) isn't formulaic.  

For example, in the scene below: 
- Hallenbeck is the p.i.  Jimmy is the victim's boyfriend. 
- They found dynamite on the victim's car. 
- Hallenbeck takes the dynamite as evidence and moves it to his trunk. 
- Suddenly, two thugs hold them up their car keys.
- Notice that the mixture of suspense and surprise seems to build organically, which adds to the thrill. 
- Note: Though the slugline only says "interior", the action soon spills into the exterior parking lot.

INT.  HALLENBECK'S PLYMOUTH - NIGHT

...Hallenbeck smiles. Calmly turns and throws the keys as far as he can. They land off in the woods.

HALLENBECK: Oops. Don't know my own strength.

TALL MAN: You dumb bastard, you're going to pay for that. Jake, open the trunk.

Jake steps forward, raises the Beretta to shoot open the lock. Hallenbeck tenses, waiting. Looks to a sloping hillside off to his left. Jake FIRES at the lock. The BULLET BLOWS THROUGH the TRUNK -- and HITS three live sticks of DYNAMITE.  [I like that the action here is not telegraphed early.  Jake raises his gun, but he might change his mind --> Hallenbeck reacts, waits --> Jake fires --> bullet hits --> dynamite.]

Joe is already throwing himself and Jimmy down the hillside as the night lights up like a sunburst. The trunk lid is blown fifty feet in the air.

Glass sprays in every direction... Jimmy and Joe careen down the hillside like rag puppets. Lurch to a stop at the bottom. Bruised. Bloody. [We expect the scene to end here, maybe with a quip.]

Side by side, sucking wind -- until a noise intrudes, the sound of CRUMPLING METAL... getting LOUDER. They look up -- and there's the flaming car tumbling end over end down the hill, toward them. [Instead, there is an unexpected surprise of a falling car. It's like "out of the pan, into the fire."]

JIMMY: Son of a bitch!

They dive aside just in time as the car plows past them and slams to a stop against a tree. Burns. Jimmy looks at Joe. Joe looks at Jimmy. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked the combination of 3/4 suspense and 1/4 surprise because: 
a) it's purely about escalating stakes, and 
b) the emotion feels genuine, uncalculated, and not following a set formula.

The Last Boy Scout (1991)(2/25/91 with additional revisions)
by Shane Black
Story by Shane Black and Greg Hicks

TODAY'S NUGGET: Tender Mercies (1983) - How A Simple, Clear Motive Can Be Quite Unpredictable (Suspense)

[Quick Summary: A run down, former singer-songwriter gets a second wife and a second chance with his daughter and career.]

I think people like suspense because it is unpredictable.

But what is unpredictable any more without guns or car chases? 

Perhaps one key is to create characters who:
a) are dedicated to clear motives
b) and their motives clash.  

This script is a good example of pure character work being the unpredictable factor rather than external stimuli like explosions. 

Before the scene below:
- The protagonist, Mac, used to be a famous singer until he became an alcoholic.
- Dixie is Mac's ex-wife and is still touring as a famous singer.
- Sue Anne (18) is their daughter, who hasn't seen her dad since she was 6.
- Harry is Dixie's manager.
- Dixie has spoiled Sue Anne, giving her everything except freedom.
- The tour has stopped in a town near Mac's house.
- Note that the unpredictability spring from within these characters. We are constantly uncertain because we don't know how far the characters will go.

INT. DIXIE'S DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT.

SHE is changing her clothes. Sue Anne and HARRY come in.

DIXIE: I told you to wait up here with me when you weren't out front watching the show.

SUE ANNE: I'm sick of watching the show. I've seen it a hundred times.

DIXIE: Then stay up here.

SUE ANNE: I don't want to sit around here by myself.

DIXIE: Then watch T.V.

SUE ANNE: I'm sick of that, too.

SHE starts out.

DIXIE: Where are you going?

SUE ANNE: I'm going back to the hotel.

DIXIE: Why?

SUE ANNE: To change my clothes. I've got a date tonight.

DIXIE: Who with?

SUE ANNE: None of your business.

DIXIE: God damn it. What do you mean it's none of my business.

HARRY: Now, come on, honey. Don't get excited. You still have the rest of the show to do. [His motive is clear: make sure Dixie gets back on stage.]

DIXIE: She's going on no date unless I know who she's going with. [Dixie's motive is clear: don't let Sue Anne go on this date.]

SUE ANNE: Try and stop me. [Sue Anne's motive is clear: I will go on this date.]

DIXIE grabs her. SUE ANNE yanks her arm free and runs out. DIXIE follows to the door. 

DIXIE: (Screaming): Sue Anne. Sue Ann. Sue Anne. (She turns to Harry.) Harry, go after her. Tell her I said she'd better get back here and get back fast.

HE runs out after her.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Characters don't need complicated motives, but they must be strong clashing ones in order to setup the uncertainty of "how far will they go?"

Tender Mercies (1983)(undated)
by Horton Foote

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Cotton Club (1984) - Breaking Through Writer's Block with 4-5 Word Summaries

[Quick Summary: Several stories of a coronet player getting mixed with mobster, racial tensions, in the Roaring Twenties and early Depression.]

There were three things I really liked in this script:

1) THIS LINE OF DIALOGUE:  

DUTCH: ...You make a livin' with that horn?

DIXIE: I'm eatin' but I'm not getting fat.

2) THE FACT THAT THIS SCRIPT JUMPS AROUND A LOT BUT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE IT. Critic Roger Ebert explains what is in the mix:

Coppola has a way, in this film, of telling all the different stories without giving us the impression he's jumping around a lot. Maybe the music helps. It gives the movie a continuity and an underlying rhythm that makes all of the characters' lives into steps in a sad ballet. We like some of the characters, but we don't have much respect for them, and the movie doesn't bother with clear distinctions between good and evil. "The Cotton Club" is a somewhat cynical movie about a very cynical time, and along with the music and the romance there is racism, cruelty, betrayal, and stunning violence. Romance with a cutting edge.

3) MOST SLUG LINES INCLUDED 4-5 WORD SUMMARY OF "WHAT IS THIS SCENE ABOUT?" It's not a gimmick; it broke through my writer's block.

I was stuck recently and tried this trick to summarize the scene before I wrote it.  Behold!  It cut down on distractions and focused me immediately.

I will note that it was seeing all the various examples that helped.  So I encourage you to read it and page through it for inspiration when you're stuck.

Here are five examples (they're underlined as presented in the script):
- EXT. DWYER APARTMENT - DAY: VINCE SAYS HE'S MARRIED
- EXT. COTTON CLUB - DAY: EXIT AUDITION/SEE LILA ROSE
- INT. HOOFER'S CLUB - DAY: SUGAR REMINDS SANDMAN HE'S LATE
- INT. UBANGI CLUB - NIGHT: BAD JAM SESSION
- INT. DWYER APARTMENT - NIGHT: TEA & TOAST WITH PSYCHOPATH

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I've been returning to this script again and again, just to look at the 4-5 word summaries for different ways to tackle scenes.

The Cotton Club (1984)(8/22/83 shooting script)
by William Kennedy and Francis Ford Coppol/a

TODAY'S NUGGET: Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (1948) - Two Keys in Delivering Setup-Payoffs in a Screwball Comedy

[Quick Summary: Jim and Muriel buy their dream house in the country, but it's more than they can handle.]

Q: What is one of the joys of screwball comedies?
A: Anticipating and wondering what is the character going to do next (?!).

Q: So what is a screwball writer's greatest fear?
A: That these hijinks will drag on the page.

Q: So how does the writer keep the script fun and lively to read?
A: I think it's balancing the delivery of the setup-payoffs.   

Scene A thwarts the audience's expectations with mini setups-payoffs.  However, it doesn't completely deliver a final payoff that would extinguish the momentum. 

The writer has to pace the setup-payoffs in Scene B, C, D, etc. to keep it rising. 

For example, in today's scene below:
- Note that this isn't a particularly new story, but it is about how the tale is TOLD.
- The setup is easy to read and predictable: Jim starts to rub steam off the mirror, which is something we've all experienced.
- The scene payoff is quick as things start to pile up and it gets ridiculous: his lather needs refreshing, more steam, Muriel contorts herself in the small space. 
- Also note the pacing of these small scene payoffs are like snacks.  They satisfy temporarily, but don't deliver the whole meal yet. 
- However, they're fun enough to continue to build curiosity (momentum) until it answers the overall question at the final payoff (is moving a good idea?)
- This film stars Cary Grant and Myrna Loy.

INT. THE BATHROOM

...Jim - He stands in front of the washstand lathering his face. Over scene we hear Muriel's voice from the shower. She is singing a lusty chorus of "Home on the Range." Jim picks up his razor and turns to the mirror. He reacts with annoyance, as he discovers it is covered with steam. With weary resignation he takes a towel and starts to rub off the mirror. As he clears one section another clouds up. By the time he gets it all reasonably clear he finds that his lather needs freshening. He grimly re-lathers his face only to find that the mirror is again clouded up. As he turns with exasperation toward the shower we see Muriel turn off the water, reach for a towel, start to dry herself. The mirror cleared off, Jim re-lathers, starts to shave. During this, Muriel, having dried herself and donned her robe, comes into scene. 

MURIEL (reaching for toothbrush): Excuse...

She takes her toothbrush and then opens the cabinet to get the paste. Jim, automatically following the mirror, has to squeeze around in a desperately contorted position as he continues shaving.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I really enjoy the thwarting of my expectations.  Also, half the fun is watching the setup-payoffs build and build until they explode.

Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (1948)(undated)
by Melvin Frank and Norman Panama
Based on a novel by Eric Hodgins

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Jewel of the Nile (1985) - Perfectly Timed Dialogue and Action (Stakes, Hope-Fear in Romance)

[Quick Summary: A sequel to Romancing the Stone. After an ambitious African politician kidnaps writer Joan Wilder to write his life's story, the selfish Jack Coulter races to her rescue.] 

I agreed with critic Roger Ebert that this story was good, but it lacked romance:

But the original contract specified a sequel, and it’s to everybody’s credit that “The Jewel of the Nile” is an ambitious and elaborate attempt to repeat the success of the first movie; it’s not just a ripoff. Even so, it lacks some of the pleasures of “Romancing,” especially the development of the romance between Douglas and Turner.

He went on to praise the mechanism of his favorite scene in a rat pit*  

I couldn't find that scene in this draft, but found a similar one in which the emotional and physical beats fall like clockwork (below):
- Joan, Jack, and the Jewel have arrived at a village.
- The Chief will let them pass if they pay the $1M toll.
- Pay attention to the rhythm of the scene.
- Notice the hope-fear-hope-fear pattern winds up the tension.

EXT. NUBIAN VILLAGE

...The CHIEF talks aside with the Jewel.

JEWEL: You don't have to pay it. ... Instead he will take Joan for one hour. [Fear. Emotional stakes are high here.]

Jack stops dancing. Looks at Joan.

JOAN: He's kidding. [Hope. She tries to dispel the fear.]

JEWEL: Just one hour. [Fear.]

JACK (teasing): Well Joan, now you can do something serious. Something that really matters. (to the Chief) Go ahead. 

The NUBIANS laugh as Jack offers the CHIEF Joan's hand. All one big joke. Until the CHIEF starts pulling her into his hut.

JACK: OK...fun's fun...hey, that's it. [Fear.]

Now Jack grabs the CHIEF. Wrong move. He's immediately seized by six young toughs. Joan becomes scared. The Chief talks roughly.

JEWEL (translating): He wants to know if you are married? [Emotional stakes.]

JOAN: No.

JEWEL (translating): Any babies? [Higher emotional stakes.]

JACK: No. ...look, what's the difference?

The CHIEF now pushes Jack in the chest. [Physical move that raises stakes.]

JEWEL: Then decide. Either he takes Joan for an hour...

JACK: Or...?

JEWEL: You will lose your leg.  [Fear.]

A terribly OBESE NUBIAN steps forward with a broad AXE on a long handle. The other young toughs stretch out one of Jack's legs. Tension is unbearable. They realize the CHIEF is serious.

JOAN: Jack...I ...I have to. [Rising emotional stakes.]

JACK (straining against their holds): NO!! I forbid you.

JOAN: You can't.

JACK (screams for all he's worth):  NOOOO!!! [Highest tension, stakes.]

The CHIEF looks at Joan.  A wave of his hand and the OBESE NUBIAN raises his axe. Joan turns to the CHIEF. Touches her chest.

JOAN: Yes. Now. 

JACK (half-crazed) Cut the leg. (at the Chief) DAMN IT! CUT OFF MY GODDAMNED LEG!! [FEAR! PEAK OF FEAR!]

JEWEL: That is your decisions?

JACK (really scared): Yes...

JOAN: Jack...

ON THE AXE

High in the air. A beat, then down it comes. BAM! Into the dirt next to Jack. A great CHEER goes up among the Nubians. They start to dance in simple, sweet ecstacy.

JACK - BEING BEAR-HUGGED BY THE CHIEF

ready to faint, looks to Joan, then to the Jewel.

JEWEL (translating): We are free to go no.   ... The Nubians are hopeless romantics. Some tribes enjoy tests of strength. ...They like to test love. [Funny release of tension.]

JACK AND JOAN 

are hoisted on shoulders and carried around the village.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: One key to escalating stakes is the pendulum of emotions swinging from hope to fear.  Don't be afraid to swing widely.

The Jewel of the Nile (1985)(1st draft)
by Mark Rosenthal & Lawrence Konner

* Ebert wrote: 

...My favorite moment between them comes as they hang by their hands over a rat pit, while acid gnaws away at the ropes that suspend them above certain doom. Sure, this scene owes something to “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” But what’s new about it this time is the dialogue – the way they break down and confess that they love each other, and make marriage plans as death inexorably approaches. And then, when DeVito appears and might possibly save them, there is some business with a ladder that is followed by dialogue so perfectly timed that I laughed not so much in amusement as in delight at how well the mechanisms of the scene fell together. (my underline)

TODAY'S NUGGET: My Favorite Wife (1940) - Making It Easy for the Audience to Follow Trickster Characters (Structure)

[Quick Summary: After being missing for 7 years, an anthropologist returns to find her husband has just re-married that day.]

I love Cary Grant as a "trickster" character in screwball comedies because he often paint himself into a corner. How will he get out of this?!

Tricksters make wild decisions on a whim, causing many twists and turns.  Thus it is important to keep the story line fairly straightforward and relatable.

ex. This script's structure has a lot of twists and turns:
- Ellen, an anthropologist on an expedition, is presumed dead at sea.
- It turns out she's spent the last 7 years on a deserted island.
- She returns to find her husband Nick has just married wife #2, Bianca.  
- Nick finds out Ellen is not only alive, but had been on the island with Mr. Burkett, a fellow traveler on the ship.
- Ellen brings in a fake Burkett to meet Nick.
- Nick brings the real Burkett to confront Ellen.
- However, the real Burkett surprises them by declaring he wants to marry Ellen. 
- Despite all this ruckus, note that the simple jealousy story line makes it easy for the audience to follow the action.
- I also liked the smart (but hard to pull off) structural twist: Nick must choose between two wives --> It flips to Ellen now must choose between two husbands. 

Here's a sample of showing jealousy.  Note how it doesn't rush the emotions:

 EXT. GARDEN - DAY

...MED. CLOSE SHOT - of Nick, as he watches, fascinated apparently.

LONG SHOT - Burkett, beautifully build, ascends the lower diving board. He leaps from the diving board and catches the rings in mid-air. 

CLOSE SHOT - as the figure swirls through an intricate movement, every muscle showing.

MED. CLOSE SHOT - Nick, as his head moves from left to right with Burkett's movements.

MED. CLOSE SHOT - Burkett, as his chest expands to the breaking point.

MED. CLOSE SHOT - Nick, as he stares, horrified.

LONG SHOT - as Burkett completes a complicated maneuver.

LONG SHOT - as the spectators burst into spontaneous applause.

MED. CLOST SHOT - as Nick feebly joins in applause.

LONG SHOT - figure still swinging.

                                                                               DISSOLVE

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Trickster characters are inherently contradictory and conflicted, i.e., interesting to watch. Thus, keep the plot simple.

Also, take your time allowing the emotions to rise/fall, as in the scene above. Most of the fun is watching tricksters squirm and evade problems. 

My Favorite Wife (1940)(undated draft)
by Bella & Sam Spewack
Story by Bella & Sam Spewack, and Leo McCarey

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Fisher King (1991) - When Brusque Kindness Breaks Through a Character's Shell

[Quick Summary: After he made a mistake that severely affected a homeless man, a fired radio DJ tries to absolve his guilt by befriending the man.]

TWO THOUGHTS:

1) EXCELLENCE AIN'T CHEAP. This is an excellent script, but it didn't come easy.  (See here for an in-depth interview with the writer Richard LaGravanese).

2) CHARACTERS WHO CARE.  For me, the script rises above others because we feel the characters care about others, even if they're seemingly rude or abrupt.

For example:
- Jack, the DJ, befriends a homeless man, Parry.
- Parry is in love with an office worker, Lydia, but from afar.
- Jack is living with Anne. She has issues with his lack of commitment.
- Jack asks Anne to help him set up Parry and Lydia.
- Jack and Anne get Lydia to come to Anne's video store under false pretenses.
- Lydia admires Anne's nails. 
- Anne offers to do Lydia's nails so that Parry and Jack can "casually drop by."
- Anne is a brusque and isn't exactly excited about this farce, but she is kind.
- I really liked how the writer used this brusque kindness  (Anne) to get past a defensive shell (Lydia).
- The key to the breakthrough is Anne's empathy with Lydia's situation.

INT. ANNE'S APARTMENT - A LITTLE LATER

ANNE works the other hand, as LYDIA sips her tequila from a straw.

ANNE: ...SO...anybody special in your life?

LYDIA (defensive): Do I look like I have someone special?

SHE moves to picks up her tequila with the manicured hand but ANNE eyes her down.

ANNE: Well, don't say it like that. It's not so...ya know, crazy an idea. You are a healthy woman...You hold a steady job. Ya not crossed eyed or anything... [Here, Anne seems rude, but she is actually complimenting Lydia.]

LYDIA: Well, there's nobody special! [Lydia is defensive.]

ANNE: Fine.

LYDIA (pause, then:): I mean it's not easy in this day and age. [However, the empathy makes Lydia feel seen.]

ANNE: What?

LYDIA: Meeting...people.

ANNE: Tell me about it. I've been dating longer than I've been driving. I can't believe that. [Anne identifies how being rejected feels, i.e., again saying "I understand."]

LYDIA: I never really...went through a ...dating period.

ANNE: It's a disgusting process. You haven't missed anything.

LYDIA nods in agreement, but her face tells us she feels she has missed a great deal.  [Some nitpickers may say, "hey, that's 'telling' rather than 'showing'!" but I'd challenge you to do better. How would you explain what an abstract concept like "breakthrough" looks like?!]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  Don't be afraid of characters with rough edges. Don't berate yourself if you can't perfectly abide by "show, not tell."

The Fisher King (1991)(revised 6/30/90)
by Richard LaGravanese