TODAY'S NUGGET: The Day After Tomorrow (unproduced) - An Effective Use of "SAME TIME" and "CUT TO:" for Clarity, Tempo

[Quick Summary: After he spots the man who killed his father, a traumatized surgeon goes on the run to pursue the killer.]

Writers Clement and la Frenais are well-known for their humor, but I have also enjoyed their action chops. 

Today's script has great action that's easy to follow, even though there are multiple, simultaneous story arcs.  I wasn't ever lost or confused.  How did they do it? 

As I read, I noticed two helpful sets of transition words that I tend to forget to use*: 

1) Using SAME TIME - This was sort of a "hold the main arc for a minute, we're taking a side trip" reminder to me.

 2) Using "CUT TO:" - When reading at full speed, I didn't pay much attention to this.  Looking back, I do think it's very helpful as a rhythm thing, to unconsciously flag that there was going to be a switch in tempo. 

The scene below is a good example that uses both these transitions: 
- Paul was a child, when Kanarack killed Paul's father.
- Paul saw Kanarack in their house and never forgot Kanarack's face.
- Paul hires a p.i. who tracks down Kanarack and the location of his house. 
- Paul goes into Kanarack's house to find proof this is the right guy.
- Try reading this scene at full speed first.  Then re-read it, noticing that "SAME TIME" and "CUT TO" are subtle clues to changes of POV and tempo.
- Also notice that despite the multiple arcs, there is clarity because there is unity of action: Paul is trespassing in Kanarack's house. Kanarack is after Paul. Someone is shooting at them both. 

EXT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE

The Jaguar pulls up the driveway...Kanarack climbs out. Sees the broken window.

                                                                   CUT TO: 

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- CLOSET

Paul rummages in a FOOTLOCKER...Packets of MONEY in various CURRENCIES...Paul finds a plastic ENVELOPE...Opens it as he moves to the bedroom to read them in the daylight... 

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- KITCHEN

As Kanarack enters the kitchen, the cat SCURRIES OUTSIDE...Kanarack listens intently as he tiptoes inside...Slowly, quietly he opens a drawer...Finds a CHEF'S KNIFE...Knife at the ready, he tiptoes inside...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- BEDROOM

As Paul moves to access the daylight from the windows, he riffles through the DOCUMENTS in the plastic envelope...PASSPORTS with several different IDENTITIES, all with Kanarack's photo...Also DRIVER'S LICENSES...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- STAIRS

Brandishing the knife, Kanarack moves slowly up the stairs...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. BEDROOM

As Paul continues to go through the documents, something catches his eye. His brow furrows, puzzled... 

A DIPLOMATIC PASSPORT issued by the government of SYRIA, with Kanarack's photo and a phony identity...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME KANARACK'S HOUSE

POV -- THROUGH TELESCOPIC SIGHT

Following Paul through the lace curtains of the bedroom windows...A SNIPER, 20s, Palestinian, on a nearby rooftop...The CROSSHAIRS line up over Paul's HEAD...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- BEDROOM

Paul looks at the Syrian passport, thinks a beat...Glances out the window...He pulls the curtain back for a better look...

PAUL'S POV

As the CAT plays on the front lawn...

CLOSE ON -- PAUL

Wondering...How did the cat get on the front lawn... He realizes...That Kanarack is INSIDE THE HOUSE...Just as... 

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE 

...The SNIPER pulls on the trigger of his silenced .580 SNIPER'S RIFLE...PFFFFFT!...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. BEDROOM

Paul TURNS inside just as the glass SHATTERS...A floral pillow EXPLODES in feathers as the headboard of the bed behind it SPLINTERS..

Terrified, Paul THROWS himself to the floor... 

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- STAIRS

Kanarack hears the noise of the impact, the thud of Paul's body as it falls...He FREEZES on the stairs... 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When I write, these transitions seem clunky, sticking out like sore thumbs. However, when I read, they establish a tempo, so they aren't as noticeable, more like background players.

Also: unity in an action scene helps keep multiple story arcs from being confusing. 

The Day After Tomorrow (unproduced)
by  Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais

* I visualize these transitions like bowling alley gutter bumpers that keep kids' bowling balls on track (photo example here).

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Bank Job (2008) - Is It Ok to Open With Literary Quotes? (Openings)

[Quick Summary: In 1971 England, three average blokes are hired by old school friend Martine to tunnel into a bank, but her reasons are not what they expected.]

Q: Is a literary quote at the beginning of a script ok?
A: Generally, I don't like them because it slows me down getting into a script. 

Q: Is there any occasion when it is effective?
A: Today's script is one of those rare occasions because:
- The purpose is the irony, which produces a laugh.
- You don't have to understand the quote to get the irony, only the contrast of the two quotes.
- It is short.
 

Here is the first page:  

 ON a Black Screen we fade in:

                           'There is a tide in the affairs of men
                    which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune.'

                                                       William Shakespeare

                           'Every dog has his day - even the underdog.'

                                             Some bloke in a pub in Battersea 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The use of the literary quotes is effective here because it's an unexpected use of them.  We are not supposed to be impressed by the quotes, but the contrast between them. This different point of view is part of the writers' comedic and ironic voice. 

The Bank Job (2008)(1/3/01 draft)
by Dick Clement & Ian La Frenais 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Full Moon (Unproduced) - What A "Very British Sense of Humor" Looks Like on the Page

[Quick Summary: After a fictional young New Yorker flies to the UK for adventure, he becomes a minder to over-the-top Keith Moon, drummer of The Who band.]

What characterizes British humor?  Here's part of an essay from British comedian Ricky Gervais that was helpful to me: 

I would say that Americans are more “down the line.” They don’t hide their hopes and fears. They applaud ambition and openly reward success. Brits are more comfortable with life’s losers. We embrace the underdog until it’s no longer the underdog. We like to bring authority down a peg or two. Just for the hell of it. Americans say, “have a nice day” whether they mean it or not. Brits are terrified to say this. We tell ourselves it’s because we don’t want to sound insincere but I think it might be for the opposite reason. We don’t want to celebrate anything too soon. Failure and disappointment lurk around every corner. This is due to our upbringing. Americans are brought up to believe they can be the next president of the United States. Brits are told, “It won’t happen for you.” 

Today's script (unproduced) is written by the UK writing team of Dick Clement & Ian la Frenais,* who are best known for their trademark British sense of humor.** 

It's a good example of British humor around one of "life's losers." Keith Moon is ultra famous, but  brings self-destructive anarchy wherever he goes. 

In the scenes below:
- Dougal is the protagonist of the film, and Moon's minder/assistant.
- Moon has a house in Malibu next door to the actor Steve McQueen.
- Moon has become such a nuisance that McQueen built a fence between them.
- Moon is upset that McQueen would want a fence.
-  He decides to "bring authority down a peg or two, just for the hell of it." 
- The irony is that: 1) because Moon insists on a life of continual excess, booze, drugs, and partying that he's lost touch with normal social customs; 2) what Moon wants is connection with McQueen, but his actions isolate himself even more.

 

EXT. MCQUEEN HOUSE   POOLSIDE   DAY

A Hispanic Maid walks from the house with a tray containing a beer and a club sandwich. The fence is finished between the two properties and there's SILENCE except for seagulls and surf. There's a figure lying in a lounger by the side of the pool. We can't see a face as it's concealed by a script called 'The Towering Inferno'. 

EXT. MOONIE'S HOUSE   YARD   DAY

Moonie is astride a vintage British Triumph motorcycle, still wearing the German uniform. 

As we CUT WIDE we reveal that a ramp has been erected leading straight toward his neighbor's fence.

Moonie puts the bike in gear, makes a wide circle, then throttles back and heads it toward the ramp.

EXT. MCQUEEN'S HOUSE   POOLSIDE   DAY

From McQueen's POV we see the motor cycle fly into view, just clearing the top of the fence. in SLOW MOTION it sails through the air, accompanied by the main theme from 'The Great Escape.'. 

It completes its triumphant arc, landing in the swimming pool with a roar and a hiss of bubbling water and oil. There's a pause before Moonie's grinning face breaks the surface.

MOONIE: The Great Escape, Steve, one of your finest.

INT. MOONIE'S HOUSE    KTICHEN    DAY

Dougal gets himself a beer from the ice box. Moonie sits at the kitchen table, rolling himself a joint. He's in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt.

MOONIE: I thought he'd be amused. I was paying homage to the prick! I thought we'd crack a few Coors and talk motorbikes. There's nothing to eat in the house, where have you been? [The irony is that Moonie is offended that McQueen didn't think the stunt was funny. Also, the concerns of an average person - the cost, the embarrassment - doesn't seem to faze him.]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I felt the bittersweetness of the British irony.  I empathized with what Moon wanted (connection) yet abhorred his actions (destructive).

Full Moon (unproduced)(1/31/97, 3rd draft)
by Dick Clement & Ian la Frenais 

* You may not know the names, but you've probably seen their tv/film work (full list here). 

**The story goes that their trademark British humor was so well regarded that they were brought in to punch up the humor on The Rock (1996) before actor Sean Connery would sign on:

Instead, they [Clement and la Frenais] needed to go in and add more humour, and to make the character of John Mason more British. If anything, more Bond. The lack of Britishness had been one of Connery’s key objections to the original screenplay, and it needed addressing. They got to work, and they concentrated on fleshing the character of Mason out. One example contribution is a conversation at the end of the film’s second act, where Connery’s Mason explains, “I was special services. Military intelligence. They taught me to be a killer. In retrospect, I’d sooner have been a poet or a farmer. Which I consider infinitely more honourable professions.” 

TODAY'S NUGGET: It Takes Two (a.k.a. Househusbands)(1988) - Don't Be Afraid of Longer Character Descriptions in a Comedy

[Quick Summary: After two complete opposites are paired up on the neighborhood watch, they have to pull together to deal with dead bodies and a drug cartel.]

I was attracted to this script because of its original title, "Househusbands."  Unfortunately, the story didn't stick with me for long afterwards.*

However, I did like how the writers characterized the characters so you'll remember them. They're descriptive and fun to read, and carry the point without forcing it.  

Most importantly, I felt something when I read them.  

For example:

1) This character seems to shout "Stay away!"

ex. "Duncan is an extremely cheap looking girl, about twenty. Her hair is ratted; clothes black leather. Lipstick the color of exposed lung-tissue. Eye makeup...not even Stephen King has the balls to write about. Lewd knuckle tattoos, mantlepiece breasts and hickeys all over her neck and chest.  Right now, she has the passenger visor down and is analyzing Dale's reflection on the clip-on mirror."

2) This character seems to have secrets beneath the surface. 

ex. "Otto almost smiles. His eighty rounds per second sense of humor working." 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Fun is key in comedies, so don't be afraid to give character descriptions more space on the page if you need it.  

I have a bad habit of short changing the descriptions, favoring utility over a fully rounded character. I need to remember that some characters just need more space.

It Takes Two (a.k.a. Househusbands)(1988)(8/16/88 1st draft)
by Thomas Szollosi and Richard Christian Matheson

*I haven't seen the finished film, but it seems to be very different than this first draft.  

TODAY'S NUGGET: State of Play (2009) - Multiple Causes of Urgency Within a Scene

[Quick Summary: A journalist (whose college friend is now a current Congressman) investigates the suspicious death of the Congressman's mistress.]

Continual threats to life and limb gets exhausting after awhile in thrillers. 

Thus, I was interested to see what else today's script would do differently. It's not a perfect script,* but I liked that there was creative use of urgency.

For example, the scene below has layers.  It's not just about Cal escaping the elevator, but that he's found the killer and needs to let someone know.

Just prior to this scene:
- Cal has a photo of the killer, Bingham, and traces it back to the latter's apartment.
- Cal recognizes Bingham at the door and they briefly exchange pleasantries. 
- Cal backs off and gets in the elevator.
- Also note: This is a turning point scene that occurs on p. 79 of 125, not earlier at the midpoint, nor later at the climax.

INT. COMPLEX ELEVATOR -- NIGHT

CAL with the phone. Doors closing and...Signal loss. 

CAL: Shit!

CAL descending. 5...4...3...  Chunk.

It has stopped. Everything suddenly black. then, a moment later, an emergency light powers on. But the car isn't moving.

CAL trapped. Coincidence? Can't be. Fuck...

Pulling his phone -- saving it around the car -- searching for a signal -- there, up by the ceiling, a flicker.

CAL (PHONE)(CONT'D): Jimmy. Cal McAffrey...just tell Bell I've found the killer. Five-sixty-six, Jasper Avenue. Five-six-six Jasper! I need cops. I need cops here immediately!

CAL perched on the railing -- wedged near the ceiling -- bent like a contortionist to hang with the signal and --

THE ELEVATOR jolts! -- power on -- CAL falling hard to the floor -- barely catching his breath as the elevator drops a few feet before stopping suddenly and -- 

THE DOORS OPEN TO

INT. COMPLEX LOBBY -- DAY

An empty lobby. CAL steps out cautiously. Did Bingham take the stairs? 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked that this wasn't the run-of-the-mill "I must escape" type of urgency.  There's a different purpose and consequences if Cal fails. 

State of Play (2009)(11/1/07 draft with revisions)
by Matthew Michael Carnahan
Revisions by Tony Gilroy, Peter Morgan, Billy Ray
Based on the BBC miniseries created by Paul Abbott

* I was confused by the ending on the page. I think it was trying to connect a lot of dots in a short period of time.  I note that this film was an adaptation of a BBC tv mini-series that ran 6 episodes, so perhaps it was trying to condense too much into a 2 hr. film?

TODAY'S NUGGET: Duplicity (2009) - Why Do I Believe the Chemistry (& Fireworks) Between These Characters?

[Quick Summary: Two industrial spies, who are in a secret love affair, are on opposite sides of a case.]

Tony Gilroy writes scripts that actors want to play. 

Why? One reason is because the chemistry between characters has real conflict and interesting dynamics.  I want to see how these fireworks resolve.  

For example, in the scene below: 
- Ray is being followed.
- His work buddy, Dale, is watching his back. They're on the phone together, trying to figure out  who is following Ray.
- In Grand Central Station, Ray recognizes Claire. He follows her into a store.
- Notice how FAST the writer gets us into the action. Ray blows by the usual "hi how are you" --> straight into his beef with Claire. 
- The audience sees Ray's behavior and realizes (without being told) that Ray and Claire know each other. Only someone familiar would bypass the usual greetings.
- Also: the suspense draws me in (WHY is he so mad?).
- Also: the provocative, snappy dialogue keeps me reading ("You charm me. Seduce me. Screw me.")

INT. SAKS FIFTH AVENUE -- DAY

... CLAIRE blinks. But she's a big girl. It's a public place...

CLAIRE: Look, seriously, I don't know you think I am, but wh-

RAY: You charm me. Seduce me. Screw me. Then you dope me and ransack my hotel room. (he still can't believe it) And how sick is this? Last thing I remember before I passed out whs how much I liked you.

CLAIRE: I'm sorry...I just...you don't look crazy, which is the only reason I'm not screaming for a security guard, but --

RAY: I can't believe you're going this way. 

CLAIRE: Is this...(glancing around) ...it's a joke, right?

RAY: You have any idea how far my ass was hanging out because of you?

CLAIRE: Is this? Are you selling something? What are you selling?

RAY: I got up the next morning, went back to the consulate and practically crawled over glass to get a copy of the guest list. Then I spent the next twenty-four hours trying to figure out if you were working for MOSSAD, the Syrians, or the Russians.

CLAIRE: Really...(maybe he is crazy) And who was it?

RAY: Still working for the C.I.A.? (like he nailed her) We're supposed to be on the same side, Theresa. Which was a lousy cover name for you, by the way -- you're not a THeresa. 

CLAIRE: What the hell are you talking about?

RAY: American Consulate. Dubai. You and me. Fourth of July, 2003.

CLAIRE: You are crazy (Does this ever work?)

RAY: We were drinking red, white and blue Margaritas. I had a knee brace. You had a toe ring -- first toe ring I ever saw, by the way.

CLAIRE: If you follow me, I'll scream.

And she's walking -- fast -- back the way she came -- back into the Perfume Jungle, and he's right on her ass --

...RAY: Come on... you don't want security any more than I do.

CLAIRE: You're right, I want the cops.

RAY: They're gonna want your name.

CLAIRE: Leave me alone! (wheeling on him and --)

HER PURSE -- the strap catching his arm -- tearing -- THE BAG SPILLING OPEN TO THE FLOOR and --

CLAIRE: -- look -- look what you did! --

CLAIRE dropping -- grabbing at the stuff that's spilled --

CLAIRE: --get away -- just -- you hear me? --

RAY: Oh no...

And the way he said it -- the way he looks -- something fundamental has shifted here suddenly --

RAY: You?

There -- at his feet -- her keys -- a KEYCHAIN -- a little Rubik's cube (Eight ball? Troll?) keychain and --

RAY: You? You're the drop...(pulling an identical keychain from his pocket --) I'm ...

CLAIRE: You? You're the meet? (yup) No... 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I believed the chemistry because they're both continuing to engage in the fight, trying to get what they want, even though something isn't adding up. Ray wants answers and Claire wants to avoid him. 

Duplicity (2009)(undated)
by Tony Gilroy

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Bourne Ultimatum (2007) - The Devil IS in the Details (Twist)

[Quick Summary: Bourne, a guy on the run with amnesia, goes back to his roots to find out how he became an assassin.]

Though the Bourne films varied for me,* all the scripts are good to excellent.  

I admire the writers for continuing to find ways to create new obstacles for Bourne.   It's tough to surprise today's audiences, who are often wise to genre tropes.  

Thrillers have a lot of fast paced action, but I'm always impressed when there's a twist that relies more on brains than brawn. 

For example, today's script had a small, clever detail that snuck by me. 

Yes, it's a small, but the devil IS in the details, isn't it?

EXT. UPPER EAST SIDE -- LATE AFTERNOON

Bourne exits from the subway. Bourne walks north.

INT. HUB

Wills pacing...Bourne's profile is up on Screen 2. It says "David Webb (AKA Jason Bourne)" on the profile.  A tech comes to Wills.

TECH: Sir, this may be nothing but, look at Bourne's birthday.

Wills looks at the profile. Bourne's birthdate is listed as 9/13/70.

WILLS: What about it?

TECH: Well, Landy told Bourne his birthday was 4/15/71 so...

Wills gets it instantly.

WILLS: Everything stops. (to the room now) EVERYTHING STOPS! LISTEN UP! (they're listening) New assignment. Numbers. Four.  Fifteen. Seventy-one. What do they mean?

Wills grabs his headset --

EXT. CRASH SITE -- DAY

A CRI agent approaches Vosen.

CRI AGENT: Landy gave Bourne a false birthday. Wills thinks it's a code. 

It sinks in for Vosen...oh...shit... 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  I liked this twist because it relied on observation, not having superior gadgets. 

The Bourne Identity (2007)(final shooting script, 7/20/2007)
by Tony Gilroy and Scott Z. Burns and George Nolfi
Story by Tony Gilroy
Based on the novels by Robert Ludlum and Universal's "The Bourne Identity" and "The Bourne Ultimatum"

* How I ranked the Bourne films:
- Bourne Identity: It's the freshest and most original.
- Bourne Supremacy: I wanted to see what happened to Marie.  
- Bourne Utlimatum: I'd lost patience with the "guy on the run with amnesia."   

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Bourne Supremacy (2007) - How to Ratchet Up Tension? Don't Forget the EXIT

[Quick Summary: Bourne and Marie are on the run once again.]

There are a lot of articles on how to INCREASE tension, but fewer on how to EXIT. 

Is the exit important? Yes, because tension relies on emotions rising and falling.  If it stayed high at all times, it would be very exhausting and also boring.

In these Bourne films, I like the exits because they demonstrate the necessity of the emotional release before the next round of tension. 

For example, in the scene below:
- The CIA is chasing Bourne.  
- Bourne is starting to remember things and who he is.
- Bourne calls the CIA for a meeting because he "wants to come in." 
- Bourne demands the CIA send in Nicky, someone he trusts.
- Nicky is a psychologist who helped Bourne with his meds and psychology on his last mission. 
- When they meet, Bourne demands Nicky confirm things in his file. 
- The scene exits with a show of mercy and emotional self-control.
- The exit lets the tension out, but also leaves us with more questions.
- Because there's a reprieve, we're ready for the next round of tension.

INT. PARKING GARAGE -- DAY

...BOURNE: For Treadstone. In Berlin. You know my file. I did a job here. When?

NICKY: No. You never worked Berlin.

BOURNE: My first job.

NICKY: Your first assignment was Geneva.

BOURNE: That's a lie!

NICKY (emphatic): You never worked Berlin...

BOURNE raising the gun -- eyes gone dead -- oh, shit...

NICKY (CONT'D): No...Jason...please...

BOURNE: I was here!

NICKY: ...it's not in the file...I swear...I know your file...your first job was Geneva! ...I swear to God you never worked here!...

He's so ready to kill her. NICKY starting to cry -- hands over her face -- covering up -- bracing for the bullet she knows is coming --

BOURNE -- about to pull the trigger --

SUDDENLY

FLASHBACK! -- a moment -- a shard -- A WOMAN'S FACE -- backing away -- begging -- begging us -- begging the camera -- PLEADING FOR HER LIFE IN RUSSIAN -- this awful blur of desperation and panic -- fear -- too fast -- too panicked --

JAM BACK TO  

BOURNE swamped -- thrown -- hesitating --  [I particularly liked this line because it shows Bourne's growth, as well as emotional self-control.]

CLOSE ON NICKY 

Sobbing now -- when? -- finally looking out, and --

BOURNE IS GONE! 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I think how you exit a scene is as important as how you enter because they (the exits) are transitions to the next round of emotions. 

The Bourne Supremacy (2004)(9/17/03 draft, revised)
by Tony Gilroy and Brian Helgeland
Based on the novel by Robert Ludlum and the 2002 Universal Film "The Bourne Identity"

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Bourne Identity (2002) - In the Suspense Genre, Danger = Possibility of Failure

[Quick Summary: A man waking up with amnesia realizes that he's an assassin.] 

What is the difference between:
a) the Suspense genre and 
b) regular suspense that is found in all stories?

According to one Hitchcock quote, the Suspense genre is marked by danger, and I always find interesting in HOW various writers include it.  

For instance, writer Tony Gilroy brought fresh life to the tired suspense genre in the Bourne adaptations by making the audience feel the danger to the protagonist.

The scene below is from a first draft:
- The "Professor" is chasing Bourne and Marie. 
- Notice how your eye keeps moving because the stakes are high and there's a real possibility of failure. 
- Also notice that the tension lies in the maybes: Maybe Bourne will get caught and we'll never get answers. Or Marie will die and he'll lose connection to the world.

THE METRO PLATFORM

The PROFESSOR lands on the other side -- both racing down the platform -- PROFESSOR tearing up the wall behind them and -- HERE COMES  A TRAIN -- on BOURNE and MARIE's side -- traveling the opposite way -- temporary refuge.  Not for long -- there's no way out on this end of the platform. They skid to a halt -- just as --

THE TRAIN DOORS OPEN -- STARTLED STRAPHANGERS  stare at BOURNE and MARIE as they stop onto the platform -- take off running.

THE PROFESSOR has to turn his bike around. He's quick -- but it gives BOURNE and MARIE a two second head start.

BOURNE and MARIE almost at the other end of the platform -- gunfire ripping up the windows behind them. Gonna go for the steps -- be here come --

THE ANGRY COPS -- remember them? -- the ones who took the ride down the steps -- they're firing now and --

BOURNE and MARIE turn back -- the PROFESSOR is firing and there is only one option -- 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  What undergirds danger is the possibility of failure, which requires the push-pull of tension. 

I also think this story's frame work lends itself to suspense because it's the ultimate life or death situation, survival of the fittest. 

The Bourne Identity (2002)(9/20/00 Paris draft)
by Tony Gilroy and William Blake Herron
Based on the novel by Robert Ludlum 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Proof of Life (2000) - One Way to Express Jeopardy (Hope-Fear-Hope-Fear)

[Quick Summary: In South America, an American wife hires a negotiator to arrange for the release of her husband, an engineer who was kidnapped.]

Q: How do you make the audience feel for the protagonist in an action thriller?
A: Danger and personal stakes are well worn tropes.

Q: But I have a dangerous situation in my script and it doesn't work. Why?
A: Perhaps there isn't enough jeopardy, i.e., the possibility that the protagonist could lose.

Q: Could you give me a good example of this see-sawing feeling?
A: I think Tony Gilroy scripts do a great job of making the audience feel they're constantly on the back foot and never assured of success.

For example, today's script stacks the deck against us:
- It is set in a foreign location where language and culture are barriers.  
- A crime (kidnapping) has occurred to Alice's husband, a civil engineer.   
- Alice has no experience with terrorists.
- Her only hope is Terry is a hardened, experienced negotiator, who at one point, walks away from helping her.
- A more specific example is the scene below, which happens early in the script to start us realizing that  the margin of error is very thin in Terry's job.
- Here, Terry has just made the trade for the hostage, Lenoir.
- Notice how the hope-fear-hope-fear that doesn't let the reader off the hook easily.
- Also notice that how this scene establishes Terry's ability and credibility.

 

TERRY'S JEEP -- THE LOCAL DRIVER -- stuck in the mud -- panic making it worse - -just finding traction as TRACER ROUNDS tear into him and --

THE TWO CHECHEN TANKS searching for targets --

TERRY still coming -- waving a sidearm at THE CHOPPER PILOT -- "don't move!" -- dragging LENOIR in under the rotors -- [We are hoping Terry will succeed.]

A RUSSIAN JEEP EXPLODING behind them and --

INSIDE THE CHOPPER  -- total chaos -- LENOIR scrambling in -- THE PILOT SCREAMING IN SLAVIC -- he's freaking out -- pulling up already -- too soon because -- [Fear: Oh no! Don't go!]

TERRY hasn't cleared the threshold -- tossed back -- head slammed against the door as he falls -- rocked -- grabbing at the doorframe -- hanging there! -- nothing but instinct keeping him from falling and -- [Hope: He's hanging in there.]

THE GROUND pulling away and --

LENOIR reaching for TERRY -- trying -- but THE PILOT -- there's something wrong -- something new -- no time -- suddenly he's jerking the stick and --

THE CHOPPER spilling sharply to one side and --

TERRY falling -- falling into the cockpit and -- [Fear: Oh noooo!]

WHOOOOOSK! -- AN ANTI-TANK ROCKET -- a blur -- already on them -- already past -- they've been hit! -- creased -- A LANDING SKID torn away from the undercarriage! -- the helicopter tilting -- overreacting -- stalling -- for a moment it looks like they're beating it in and -- 

THE PILOT fighting to keep it up -- CURSING AND SPUTTERING IN SLOVAK -- LENOIR rolling on the floor in pain -- his bandaged hand crushed in the turbulence and --  [Lots more fear.  This will not end well.]

FINALLY TO

TERRY pulling himself into a window seat. He's dazed. Looking down as the earth begins to pull away. As the chopper starts to level off.   [Whew! Hope.  Leveling off is good.]

TERRY wiping at the blood from a deep cut above his eye. Wiping it away so he can see. Trying to get a grip. To focus. Something. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: For that gut wrenching feeling, discomfort and the possibility of not succeeding must reign.

Proof of Life (2000)(7/6/99 draft)
by Tony Gilroy