TODAY'S NUGGET: The Bank Job (2008) - Is It Ok to Open With Literary Quotes? (Openings)

[Quick Summary: In 1971 England, three average blokes are hired by old school friend Martine to tunnel into a bank, but her reasons are not what they expected.]

Q: Is a literary quote at the beginning of a script ok?
A: Generally, I don't like them because it slows me down getting into a script. 

Q: Is there any occasion when it is effective?
A: Today's script is one of those rare occasions because:
- The purpose is the irony, which produces a laugh.
- You don't have to understand the quote to get the irony, only the contrast of the two quotes.
- It is short.
 

Here is the first page:  

 ON a Black Screen we fade in:

                           'There is a tide in the affairs of men
                    which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune.'

                                                       William Shakespeare

                           'Every dog has his day - even the underdog.'

                                             Some bloke in a pub in Battersea 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The use of the literary quotes is effective here because it's an unexpected use of them.  We are not supposed to be impressed by the quotes, but the contrast between them. This different point of view is part of the writers' comedic and ironic voice. 

The Bank Job (2008)(1/3/01 draft)
by Dick Clement & Ian La Frenais 

TODAY'S NUGGET: To Live & Die in LA (1985) - A Good Example of "It's All About the Relationship" as Motive

[Quick Summary: A Secret Service agent pulls out all the stops to chase the counterfeiter who killed his partner.] 

I still hate the pat answer, "It's all about the relationship between the characters," because whatever does that mean?

Today's script partially answered that question for me.  It's a great example of how a relationship can motivate a loner (here, the protagonist).

In the scene below:
- Chance is the protagonist.
- He and Hart are Secret Service partners. Hart retires in 3 days.
- Because there's so much betrayal in his work, Chance trusts very few people, and is very loyal to them, especially Hart.
- This scene shows that rare moment where Chance feels safe. It explains so much of why he'd chase Hart's killer to the ends of the earth.
- Also notice the end of the scene when Chance feels the threat to his prized friendship.  There's a subtle change in tone and mood, i.e., character motivated.

EXT. PARKING LOT - UTRO'S - LATE DAY

Chance and Hart walking toward their cars.

CHANCE: Got something for you.

He opens the lid of his trunk and removes a graphite fishing rod folded into a 15-inch leather carrying case. 

CHANCE (continuing): Your retirement present.

HART: You're a week early.

CHANCE: It's burning a hole in my trunk.

Hart opens the case and brings the rod to full seven-foot extension.

HART: What the hell --

CHANCE: They tell me the trout jump all over it.

Hart puts his arm around Chance. They embrace warmly.

CHANCE: I'm gonna miss you, Amigo.

HART: Me, too.

CHANCE: Listen, I know you got somethin' goin' tomorrow.

HART (smiling): You readin' my mail again?

CHANCE: Master. (pause) Where?

Hart shakes his head 'No".

CHANCE (continuing): You're not goin' out alone.

HART: I got three more days on the job and I want to make the most of 'em. No sense the two of us running down the same lead.

CHANCE: We're partners.

HART: Damn straight we are. And when the bust goes down it's ours. Like always.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This script helped me see better that what Chance wanted most was that connection, and how resulted in his behavior (also known as "character motivated action"). 

To Live & Die in LA (1985)(11/8/84 draft)
by William Friedkin and Gerald Petievich

TODAY'S NUGGET: Wait Until Dark (1967) - Four Excellent Elements of a Thriller + Good "NOTEs"

[Quick Summary: After her husband misplaces a drug-stuffed doll that he accepted from a fellow passenger, three cons attempt to get his blind wife to disclose where the doll is hidden.]

TWO THOUGHTS: 

1) FOUR EXCELLENT ELEMENTS OF THIS THRILLER ADAPTATION:

 - The TONE is fun. 
- The ATMOSPHERE is suspenseful, ex. we're worried about the 3 cons finding the neighbor kid who's helping the protagonist.
- The STRONG THROUGH LINE is easy to explain, i.e.,  a blind woman confronts three cons.
- The MOOD is uplifting, then turns dark, which is great for visual drama.

2) THE WRITERS INCLUDED HELPFUL "NOTEs".

A "NOTE:" to the reader is generally an aside or a helpful tip. They're generally frowned upon because they're distract from the narrative and/or are poorly written.

So when is a "NOTE" helpful? 

One good use is in the explanation of overall conventions in the script. This saves on the need to repeat explanations and avoid confusion. 

In this script, for example, the writers used "NOTEs" to explain: 

a) How phone conversations would be filmed. 

NOTE: The telephone convention used here is as follows: When someone is speaking on the phone in CLOSEUP, with the receiver big in SHOT, we can hear what he hears (i.e., the other voice ON FILTER); when anyone is speaking on the phone in the b.g. of a LONG SHOT, we can only hear what someone else as distant as the CAMERA could hear (i.e., a one-sided conversation). This convention is observed throughout the film. 

b) How the three cons would have multiple roles. They're pretending to be several people, in order to confuse the blind protagonist.

[NOTE: Mike and Carlino have played these parts, or parts very like them, before and they are superb at it. In fact, the one thing that holds all three men together - Rost, Carlino and Mike - is that all of them, to their own degree and in their own way, are most at their ease when playing  a part. In Rost's case, the characters he selects are much more dangerous, much harder to pull off. But Mike and Carlino (within the area they select) are perfect. And there is never one moment when any of the three fall out of character. All three derive some personal pleasure from their performances.)

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: My favorite element was the clarity of the through line. 

Also, one good purpose for a "NOTE" is to avoid confusion for the reader (vs. a bad purpose, such as for the writer to micro-manage the production).

Wait Until Dark (1967)(11/25/66 draft)
by  Robert and Jane-Howard Carrington
From the play by Frederick Knott

TODAY'S NUGGET: Tango & Cash (1989) - One Key to Make an Action Film Memorable

[Quick Summary: Two headstrong cops have to work together to figure out which drug lord has framed them for murder.] 

Q: I'm writing an awesome action script, with three awesome set pieces. Why do I keep getting the note "flat characters"? Who cares?
A: Audiences may like set pieces, but they'll really come back for the characters.  

Q: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that thing called "three dimensional characters." What is that? 
A: I think it's showing glimpses of what's inside the character, how he thinks or reacts, that makes people interesting to watch. 

Q:  In the middle of the action?! Won't that slow down the action?!
A:  Yes, but it's your job to make those character beats so interesting (and deeper) that the audience won't mind a breather outside the action.

For example, in the scene below from today's script: 
- Tango is the cool cop. Cash is fairly messy. It's not a smooth partnership yet.
- Cash has just met Kiki rehearsing at a club. They go to her apartment.
- Cash doesn't know Kiki is his new partner Tango's sister. 
- This scene gives us a glimpse of Cash's personal life, but it also shows us that's he's also quite persuasive and an improviser away from the job.
- I liked how this character beat was amusing and different from the cop stuff, but still had the same tone of "man on a mission."
- My thoughts are in [ ] below. 

INT. KITCHEN

Cash pulls open cabinets...Stuff like yeast fiber and alfalfa germ. He grabs one promising looking bag and rips it open. Puts a handful in his mouth. He grimaces. It's like eating seasoned cardboard. Opens up the refrigerator and tosses the bag in, pulls out some eggs, a jar full of unidentifiable sauce and a bunch of vegetables.

CASH (calling out to Kiki): I'll make us a Spanish omelet.

He dumps the ingredients on the stove and rifles through another cabinet...An ear-shattering RACKET of POTS and PANS. He comes out with a frying pan. Throws it on the stove and hits the flame.

CASH: Butter...butter...butter...

He goes to the refrigerator and pulls out a whole stick of butter and tosses it in the pan. it immediately SIZZLES and starts to smoke. He breaks the eggs on the side of the pan, about half a dozen of them, and throws the shells in the sink. He dumps in the sauce, crushes up the vegetables and tosses them in as well.

Then he stirs the mixture vigorously with a carrot.

Kiki enters. She's wearing a Japanese robe. Her hair up on her head. She looks more gorgeous every time we see her.

Something CRUNCHES beneath her feet.

KIKI: Why is there turkey stuffing all over the floor?

CASH: Oh, is that what that was. I always make mine fresh. [He thinks quickly on his feet here, which is in line with the cop action scenes.]

She takes a peek into the pan.

KIKI: I thought you were making a Spanish omelet. Why did you put spaghetti sauce in it?

CASH: That's the problem with most people. They get hung up in the technical aspects of cooking. I'm very creative in the kitchen. See, I use a carrot for a spoon. Cuts down on cleanup.

He takes a bit out of the carrot and stirs some more.

CASH: Very organic. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Spend time on character beats like the scene above. It's not that important to the action plot, but it deepens our interest in the characters.

This scene not only shows us how Cash thinks and acts in his down time ("more 3-D"), but also spikes the dynamic (suspense) between Cash and Tango through character.  I couldn't wait until Tango found out about his sister and Cash! 

Tango & Cash (1989)(5/30/89 draft)
by Randy Feldman

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Naked Gun: From the Files of the Police Squad (1988) - Impressive Variety & Number of Jokes Per Page (& A Caution)

[Quick Summary: Bumbling Chicago Det. Frank Drebin is on the case, trying to foil drug cartels and the assassinators of Queen Elizabeth II.]

My favorite part of any Zuckers-Abrams-Proft script is the number and variety of jokes stuffed in every page - visual jokes, verbal jokes, puns, slapstick, gags, etc.

For example, in this scene below, Frank is in the lab with his boss Ed and Mr. Olsen, the head of the lab:

INT. POLICE LAB - DAY

...AL enters. Since he's seven feet tall, his head is OUT OF FRAME. He's holding a shoe box. [Visually funny and interesting because we only see a torso.]

AL: Here's the package you wanted, Chief.

He sets it on the desk.

ED: Thanks, Al.

Al turns to leave. Ed stops him.

ED (cont.): Al, you're out of uniform again. Regulation headgear only. You know that.

AL: Sorry, Chief, I was just trying something different.

He places a large Mexican sombrero down on the desk and exits. Frank looks after him, a bit puzzled. Olsen opens the shoe box. He pulls out a man's shoe. [This gag is both verbally and visually funny. We don't expect a police officer wearing a sombrero, nor a tall man wearing a tall hat.]

MR. OLSEN: Here's something we developed only yesterday. To the casual observer, an ordinary shoe. But in actuality...

INSERT - SHOE

A knife springs out of the toe like a switchblade. [This is a genre joke. It's expected, but only if you've seen this contraption before in other spy or James Bond films.]

INT. POLICE LAB - DAY

MR. OLSEN: It makes quite a handy weapon... 

Now Olsen swings out more knives, various tools, scissors, bottles opener/screwdriver, corkscrew, etc. [This is a heightened joke, playing off of what we'd expect and then adding to it.]

MR. OLSEN (cont.): ...And everything a cop in the field would need. We call it the Swiss Army Shoe. [Pun of "Swiss Army knife."]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I noticed two simultaneous things: 

First, the number of the jokes per page seemed to create its own propulsive energy, and made me want to see what happened next.

However, over time, the sheer density of jokes per page became wearying to read.  I think what was really helpful was to have a different rhythm in there, i.e., Frank falling in love, to break up the same-ness of tone.

The Naked Gun: From the Files of the Police Squad (1988)(12/10/87 revised)
by Jerry Zucker, Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, Pat Proft 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Make Way for Tomorrow (1937) - Show-Not-Tell: A Mother Sacrificing Her Own Comfort in an Uncomfortable Situation

[Quick Summary: After an elderly couple lose their home, they are separated between their five children, who aren't able to take both of them in.]

I think it says something that director Leo McCarey (An Affair to Remember, The Awful Truth) thought that this was one of his best films.* 

It is sad,** but don't be fooled by its simplicity. 

To write emotion this well requires a high level of craft. ***

What makes this story so powerful? Roger Ebert said it best: 

What's so powerful about the film is its level gaze. It calmly, almost dispassionately, regards the situation and how it plays out. No spin.

In the scene below:
- Father and Mother had to sell the house.  Father isn't in the best of health.
- None of their five children could support two additional mouths to feed, so they were split up between children's households.
- Mother is staying with her son George, his wife, and granddaughter Rhonda.
- Mother has already heard that a friend, who is at the Cadwallader Home, is very unhappy there.
- Notice how the writer shows Mother spying the letter (she KNOWS what is up) --> then later, she requests to be placed at Cadwallader Home --> we know she has taken the emotional hit and sacrificed her own comfort.
- Also note the tone that Ebert speaks about.  It is calm, real, without spin, i.e., TRUTHFUL.

RHONDA (without letting up in her dancing):  I'm sorry Grandma, did I wake you up?

MOTHER: That's all right...any mail?

Rhonda, still dancing, points tot he table on which there is some mail, and Mother goes to it. A close-up shows Mother at the table, looking over the mail, rather casually, until she comes to a certain letter. She looks at it for quite a long time. We see the LETTER, which is addressed to GEORGE COOPER, and in the left-hand upper corner is printed the place from which it came, in bold type: CADWALLADER HOME FOR THE AGED.

Mother shakes her head in sober thought. It is all she can do not to open the letter. She finally puts it back on the pile unopened but all too well she senses its contents. All the while out of sight, the radio has been "jazzing it up" and RHONDA can be heard chiming in with the music of the radio. Then Mother mechanically goes over to a chair, sits down, and starts to knit. Her mind is still on the letter...

[George tells Mother that her daughter Addie can't take her and Father, so he is going to live with Cora, another daughter in California, because of his declining health. Mother is ok, as long as she can see him to say goodbye.]

[George] turns to an ashtray to put out his cigarette, then lights another one immediately. He gets up and starts to pace the floor, puffing nervously at his cigarette.

Mother, seen alone, suddenly know that the hour of doom has struck. Everything has become painfully, blindingly clear to her. For a moment she looks frightened and heartsick - but while GEORGE smokes, she gets herself under control. Then they are seen together, Mother watching him closely. She is ready.

GEORGE (sitting beside her on the couch): Mother, I've something else to tell you, too.

MOTHER (after studying his unhappy face): There's something I'd like to tell you first.

GEORGE: Let me while I can, Ma. Tell me later.

MOTHER: It's simply this. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I haven't been too happy here. It's lonesome in this apartment all day with everyone gone. Would you mind terribly if I decided to leave you and go to the Cadwallader Home?

GEORGE (thunderstruck): Mother!

MOTHER: It's a fine place and I'd make friends my own age --

GEORGE: Mother, I--

MOTHER: Let me finish, dear. Once I thought your father and I would be able to get together again. I see that it's never going to turn out that way. And so I want to go to the home. (He looks at her with his heart in his eyes - as Mother smiles bravely.) I'm glad that's over. I hated to tell you as much as you would have hated to tel me anything like that. (After a pause) Oh, there's just one thing more, dear. I'd like to stay here till your father's on his way to California. He's funny about some things, you know. He'd never believe that the home's a grand place. He's a little old-fashioned, your father is. Those places seem terrible to him. (After pausing) Don't let him know I'm going. Tell Nellie and Cora and the others that he must never know. This is one thing that has to be handled my way.

GEORGE: Yes, Ma. Anything you say.

MOTHER: Let him think I'm staying on with you and Anita. You can always forward my letters to the home. It'll be the first secret I've ever had from him and it'll seem mighty funny. (She looks at George but he does not meet her gaze. He is too miserable. Mother is silent for a time, but when she speaks it is with the same lightness she has used throughout the scene.) I think I'll go to bed now if you don't mind, dear. I'm very tired. (She stands up and stoops to kiss him on the forehead.) Here's another secret just between us two. You were always my favorite child. Goodnight. George, weak and looking beaten, stares up at her.)

Mother stands, straight and strong, with courage in her eyes and on her smiling mouth. She turns and starts from the room. But she sways a little as she reaches the archway. George sees this - leaps to her side and puts an arm about her. Mother smiles a little apologetically.

MOTHER: Floor's a little slippery, I guess.

In the hallway, George leads her gently to her room, and she goes in without a word.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Because it was opposite of what I expected, Mother's calm, dispassionate reaction showed me more about her emotions than if she'd spoken them.

Make Way for Tomorrow (1937)
by Vina Delmar
Based on the novel, The Years Are So Long, by Josephine Lawrence, and a play by Helen and Nolan Leary

* When director Leo McCarey received his Oscar for The Awful Truth (1937), he reportedly said he had gotten it for the wrong film, i.e., it should've been for this film. 

**Orson Welles gave this film the highest compliments: "that [it] would make a stone cry," and “the saddest movie ever made."

*** I want to note that this story was battle tested and worked on by THREE sets of writers (play, novel, script) before it reached the screen.   

2024 OSCARS: Barbie (2023) - Things Lost in Execution; Capturing the Tone of Child's Play

[Quick Summary: Barbie leaves Barbie Land to find out why she is starting to feel real feelings, and finds out things are not as perfect as she thought.]

THE FILM: I saw the film first, and liked act 1, but not 2 and 3. I got confused, and I'm afraid, slightly bored.  Was it the script's fault?

THE SCRIPT: The script surprised me. It is clearer than the film, well-written, inventive, and reads at a zippy, carefree pace (even acts 2 and 3).

So if the script is pretty much the same as the film, why do I think the film does not quite deliver the promise of the script?  What got lost in the execution?

I don't know exactly, but here are my two cents:

1) PATRIARCHY DOESN'T LEND ITSELF TO SNAPPY REPARTEE.  I admire the writers' ambitions to tackle a BIG topic which read well on the page.

However, the arguments require time and explanation...which bogs down the speed that satire needs for laughs.*  As a result, the film was more telling than showing.

2) TOO EARNEST? Satire also requires a good dose of ridicule. In Acts 2 and 3, I found the tone...too earnest?  Trying to make a point? I wish there were more irony.

I do think this script is worth reading, especially for Act 1's breezy, ridiculous fun.  

I particularly like the first description of Barbie Land (below), which captures the mindset of how little girls play with Barbies, with exuberance and female-centric:

EXT. BARBIE LAND. DAY

Barbie Margot waves happily, sometimes with both hands, to other Barbies as her car silently drives itself through a bustling town. It's like Richard Scarry's Busy Town for Barbie. It's a wonder of color and shape. The houses are all see-through, like the toys, it's a Noah's Ark of doll-tastic magic.

It's also completely run by women. They hold every kind of job. Barbie Margot waves to a Barbie mail carrier, and an all Barbie construction crew. There is the occasional Ken, but mostly it's Barbie.

Barbie Margot drives past the Barbie White House which is, of course, pink.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was most moved when this script captured the fun, weird spirit of a child playing with Barbies. The movement of the characters even feel like play.

Barbie (2023)
by Greta Gerwig & Noah Baumbach

*Margot Robbie recounts (here) that Gerwig wanted her actors to speak at a certain pace and referenced His Girl Friday, one of my all time favorite screwball comedies. 

One of the things that I love about His Girl Friday is that it seemed to speed up as it went along.  It also had a small cast, and a personal, simpler story.   

I don't know if speeding up would even be possible with Barbie.  Barbie had a much bigger cast, and tackled a larger societal problem. The pace would inevitably slow down with that many moving parts.

2024 OSCARS: American Fiction (2023) - What Happens After the Satire's Punchline?

[Quick Summary: While he faces family issues, a frustrated black writer writes a book that's meant to be insulting, but it becomes a best-seller, much to his dismay.]

I think one of the hardest parts of satires is not losing that edgy irony.

I hate it when a script has a great scene with a zinger punchline, but then it dies.  Why couldn't the writer couldn't sustain the momentum? What happened?  

Many times, the script will simply plateau, instead of continuing to build. 

ex. Perhaps the writers were so happy with a joke that they keep going back to that same well, trying to keep cashing in on that one great scene. 

I liked this script because it never resting too long on a punchline. It also never allowed the protagonist to get too comfortable, so the tension continues to build.

For example, in the scene below:

- Carl is the head of the Literary Award committee.
- He is oblivious to the veiled insult Monk delivers ("I'm honored you'd choose me...") If it ended there, that would just be a great punch line.
- However, the writer turns the tables on Monk and plays to his weakness: "you can judge other writers like they judged you."
- This last bit of conflict is what makes the scene fresh and unpredictable.  We want to know what will happen next.

INT. CARL BRUNT'S OFFICE - SAME TIME

...MONK: Every writer knows the Literary Award, Carl. Especially those of us who haven't won it.

Carl laughs a little.

CARL: Well, that's related to why I'm calling. Like many American institutions, mine was recently rattled by the notion that our lack of diversity has led to a blindspot in our work. So we're kind of trying to remedy that and, to that end, I was wondering how you might feel about being a judge for this year's award.

Monk pauses his browsing for a moment.

MONK: Um, let me say first say, Carl, that I'm honored you'd choose me out of all the black writers you could go to for fear of being called racist.

CARL (oblivious): Yeah, you're very welcome.

MONK: But I think this sounds like a lot of work.

CARL: Yeah, I can't deny that. I mean, you're going to have to read dozens of books. We could offer you a modest stipend.

MONK: Even so, I'm not sure.

CARL: OK. One other crass perk I reference when people are on the fence is that this will allow you the opportunity to literally judge other writers for once, rather than just figuratively.

Monk considers this for a moment.

MONK: Alright. I'm in.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Beware of resting on a punchline too long. Satires particularly do well with a conflict after the punchline. 

Perhaps one reason for this is that an audience feels good after a punchline, and will want another jolt. They'll feel let down unless there's another upswing of emotion, and conflict can deliver that.

American Fiction (2023)
by Cord Jefferson
Based on the novel "Erasure," by Percival Everett

2024 OSCARS: The Holdovers (2023) - When a Juxtaposed Sound Is Ironic

[Quick Summary: A cranky teacher, a grieving cook, and sullen student stay at a 1970s boarding school over Christmas break.]

I liked this script much more than I thought.

I think it's due to the unexpected combinations of humor and humanity.

I particularly liked the scene below in which Mary, the cook, pours out her heart. It's especially poignant because of the two moments of irony (see comments): 

INT. KITCHEN STAFF COMMON ROOM - CONTINUOUS

...MARY: I took this job when Curtis was little, so he could get a good education. You know, he flourished here.

PAUL: He was a great kid. I had him one semester. Very insightful.

MARY: Uh-huh. He hated you. He said you were a real asshole.

PAUL: Well, like I said, sharp kid. Insightful. [This is one of my favorite ironic lines. She was blunt, and he appreciated the truth.]

MARY: He had his heart set on Swarthmore, and he had the grades, but I didn't have the money. Even with financial aid it wasn't enough. So when he got called up, no student deferment, off he went. You know what he said to me? He said: "Hey ma, look at the upside. When I get discharged, I can go to college on the GI Bill." College. (keeping it together) And here we are. With my Curtis in the cold ground, and those boys safe and warm in their beds. It's like you said. "Life is like a henhouse ladder." That's right -- I can hear everything you're saying from the kitchen. Especially that little Kountze kid. Crown prince of all the little assholes.

Silence, which is broken by APPLAUSE from the studio audience. [This juxtaposed sound afterwards is so wonderfully ironic. It's an audible contrast to what she's just said (mourning vs. happy). Also, it encapsulated my visceral reaction to her words: bittersweet, funny.]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This is a sharply observed story about coping with sadness, which might've been too depressing, if not for its unusual ways to insert irony.

The Holdovers (2023)(undated)
by David Hemington

TODAY'S NUGGET: Love in the Afternoon (1957) - If You're Having Trouble Writing a Romantic Chemistry, It Starts With...

[Quick Summary: The daughter of a detective falls for the playboy that her father is shadowing.]

Q: When creating romantic chemistry, "start with the status quo,"* right?
A; Yes.  It is "what is missing" from the protagonist's life. 

Q: So "what is missing" = the antagonist. 
A: Not exactly.  

Q: Ok, if it's not "getting the guy," then what is it?
A: It is what the protagonist is missing emotionally, which the antagonist may point out or helps her realize. 

Q: What does status quo look like on the page?
A: There's a good example in today's script. 

The writers took their time laying out Ariane's inner and out life.**  She's curious, smart, but feels excluded.

So when she and the playboy hit it off later, we understand why she's so taken by him.  She's included in on a grand adventure, which fills that emotional need.

In this scene from the first ten minutes: 
- We see that Ariane yearns for adventure, love. She is lonely.
- We want to root for her.  She's considerate about her Papa, persistent, curious.
- Note also how humor is used to establish the fun tone, especially Ariane's parting line.

THE OFFICE

Ariane puts the cello aside, gets up, comes into the office. Chavasse has opened the briefcase, and taken out the camera.

ARIANE: I'm worried about you, Papa. You've been working every night.

CHAVASSE: It's my busiest season.

ARIANE: You need a rest, Papa.

CHAVASSE: Thank you, darling, but in my profession -- it's like being a doctor. I have to be on call night and day. A good doctor can never rest -- not until the patient is out of bed.

ARIANE: I never thought of it that way.

CHAVASSE:You shouldn't think of it at all!

ARIANE: Sorry, Papa.

CHAVASSE: How are things at the Conservatory?

ARIANE: So-so. We're rehearsing.

CHAVASSE: Rehearsing what?

ARIANE: A symphony. Haydn's 88th. You see -- I always tell you what I'm doing. But you never tell me what you're doing.

CHAVASSE: That's because I love you. And because I want to protect you from these sordid matters I have to deal with. Now go back to your cello.

ARIANE: Yes, Papa. Wouldn't you like some breakfast?

CHAVASSE: Later. I have some work to do in the darkroom. I'm expecting a client.

He has taken the roll of film out of the camera, now crosses to the door of the darkroom, opens it.

ARIANE: When Mama was alive, I'm sure you discussed your work with her.

CHAVASSE: Your Mama was a married woman.

ARIANE (with affection): I'm so glad.

She goes back to her room.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I often worry about taking too long to establish the status quo.  However, this script showed me I should take my time for a great pay off later.

Love in the Afternoon (1957)
by Billy Wilder and I.A.L. Diamond
Based on the novel by Claude Anet

*For more explanation and examples, see Ch. 7 "Structuring Conflict" in Writing the Romantic Comedy (2020, 20th anniversary edition), by Billy Mernit (here).

**I found it interesting to see that it took the writers 36 PAGES before the girl and guy meet in person! Though to be fair, she learns about his situation through her dad and sees his photo early on.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Hitchcock's The Lost Night (Unproduced) - Clash of Writer vs. Director's Vision; Double Use of Prop for Suspense

[Quick Summary: After his brother's murderer escapes from prison, an insurance salesman goes undercover in Finland to find the man via his wife and kids, but ends up falling in love.]

Though I don't typically read unproduced scripts, this one (well, two) got me thinking about how a writer may/may not be able to work with a director's vision.

The 1978 draft.  I went in cold to this unsigned draft, not realizing it was likely written by Ernest Lehman (6 time Oscar nominee; North by Northwest). 

There are some holes, but it's got Lehman's elegance to it.

The 1980 rewrite draft. Then I read this still-in-progress draft by David Freeman and Hitchcock in the last six months of the latter's life.* 

I liked many of the Hitchcock touches, especially fleshing out of shots.  I did not like that it lost some of Lehman's elegance throughout. 

Working with a Director.  After reading these two scripts (and Freeman's experience coming into the process), I'm now seeing how visions did not gel.

Lehman wrote a good script, but Hitchcock did not like it. I wonder now - was Hitchcock after something else? Maybe pushing, fumbling for something new?**

Opening scene. Lehman's opening is elegant, but conventional: The protagonist looks out of an office window.  He sees a  news crawl about the escaped convict.

Freeman/Hitchcock's opening has a very different tone: more attention grabbing, both ridiculous and suspense filled.  

It starts at the prison with the accomplice, Brennan, who is trying to throw a rope ladder to the antagonist, Brand:

EXT. LONDON - ARTILLERY ROAD - 6:45 PM

A drizzly London evening in the fall.

Wormwood Scrubs Prison and Hammersmith Hospital sit side by side. Artillery Road, hardly more than a service lane runs between them.

...Brennan has the boot open, about to remove a rope ladder.

BRAND (V.O.): God damn it, what are you doing there? It's all going to be over...It's too late...

Headlights illuminate the boot as Brennan is removing the ladder. He drops it quickly and turns to see an old Morris approaching.

He closes the boot and reaches into the mums, turning off the walkie-talkie, silencing Brand's voice.

The Morris stops adjacent to Brennan. An Elderly Couple are in the car. The woman leans across her husband and speaks to Brennan.

ELDERLY WOMAN: Excuse me young man, we're looking for the hospital.
ELDERLY MAN: Hammersmith Hospital. It's on Du Cane --
BRENNAN: Yes...Yes. This is it. Straight on and turn  to the left. Visitors' entrance is to the left.
ELDERLY MAN (to his wife): What did he say?
ELDERLY WOMAN (loudly): He said it's to the left for the visitors' entrance.

OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL

BRAND: What's wrong? What is it? Answer me damn you, answer. What is it?

ARTILLERY ROAD

ELDERLY MAN: Where should we park?
ELDERLY WOMAN: My husband wants to know...
BRENNAN: On the street. Park on the street. You just go up and turn to the left. Hurry or you'll miss visiting hours. They're very strict.
ELDERLY WOMAN (re Brennan's flowers): Mums?
BRENNAN: Yes. Hurry along now.
ELDERLY WOMAN (holds up bouquet): Me too. For our daughter-in-law. Her liver's shot to hell.
BRENNAN: Lovely. Hurry along.
ELDERLY WOMAN: Thank you. (loudly to her husband) It's to the left. We park on the street.

The Morris pulls away, slowly.

Brennan opens the boot again, grabs the rope ladder and flips on the walkie-talkie. When it clicks on, a torrent of abuse comes out.

BRAND (V.O.)(midsentence; almost in tears): ...not going back. Where the bloody hell are you? I can see the first of them coming back. You've bollixed it. You bloody Irish ass. I'm not going back. I'm not. I'm not going back.
BRENNAN: We're there. We're there.

He drops the mums on the ground, and tries to find a spot to throw from. He steps back into the road, then moves forward again and climbs up onto the back of his car.

The mums are on the ground with Brand's pleas coming out.

BRAND (V.O.): You drunken ass. You bloody Irish fool. You've killed me. You've done it. It's on your head.

Brennan winds up and tosses the ladder, hard and high.

PRISON SIDE OF WALL

As the ladder comes floating over the wall.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I do wish the two drafts could've been married closer, as both have strengths missing in the other (elegance, creative play).

Also, I do admire the double use of the mums in Hitchcock's opening as 1) walkie-talkie camouflage, and 2) focal point to increase suspense.

The Short Night (11/9/78, revised)
by Ernest Lehman (I think)
Based on the novel, "The Short Night," by Ronald Kirkbride

The Short Night (1980, revised) - unproduced script published in 1984
by David Freeman

*I highly recommend reading Freeman's book, which has several fascinating chapters about his daily routine working with Hitchcock in these last six months.

At this point in time (1979-80), Hitchcock was not in the best of health, and would pass soon.  His last (and 53rd) film, Family Plot (1976), had come out three years earlier, and not to rave reviews. It was written by Lehman.

** In his review of Family Plot, Roger Ebert notes: "...it's a delight for two contradictory reasons: because it's pure Hitchcock, with its meticulous construction and attention to detail, and because it's something new for Hitchcock -- a macabre comedy, essentially." (my emphasis)

TODAY'S NUGGET: Charade (1963) - Balancing Genre Tones (Mystery, Romcom); Earning the Kiss Takes TIME

[Quick Summary: After her husband steals a fortune from five thieves, a widow falls for one of the men pursuing her.]

If nailing the tone in a romantic comedies is tricky, it's exponentially harder when mixing in another genre.  How does one balance them??

Let's look at this script, which is:
- a mystery (puzzle)
- with the spine of a rom-com (two people become a couple). 

I think these two things keep this script balanced: 

1) The essential question for a romcom is, "What is keeping the couple apart?"
- Here, it is the mystery of the location of the stolen money.
- Also, the subtext to this mystery is motive, "What does she/he want?".
- HER: Does he want me, or the money?
- HIM: Is she more important to me, or the money?

2) MORE TIME THAN YOU THINK. For a kiss to feel earned, there needs to be a closeness, a shared vulnerability. It's not a secret this only happens with time. 

The scene belong is long, but shows how balance works:
- Note the tone never falls to ALL mystery or ALL romcom.
- They're talking about the mystery, but the subtext is "me or the money."
- After they've revealed vulnerabilities, she feels secure enough for a kiss.
- Note: He lied to her, saying he was the brother of one of the thieves (Dyle).

EXT. SEINE - BATEAU MOUCHE -- DUSK

... DYLE: Are you trying to say that I might have killed Charles and Scobie?

She doesn't answer.

DYLE: What do I have to do to satisfy you -- become the next victim?
REGGIE: It's a start, anyway.
DYLE: I don't understand you at all -- one minute you're chasing me around the shower room and the next you're accusing me of murder.
REGGIE: Carson Dyle didn't have a brother.

WIDER ANGLE

She rises from the table and walks away. DYLE hesitates a moment, then follows.

DYLE: I can explain if you'll just listen. Will you listen? [He begins to open up.]
REGGIE (looking at river): I can't very well leave without a pair of water wings.
DYLE: Okay. Then get set for the story of my life -- not that it would ever make the best-seller list.
REGGIE: Fiction or non-fiction?
DYLE: Why don't you shut up!
REGGIE: Well!
DYLE: Are you going to listen?
REGGIE: Go on.
DYLE: After I graduated college I was all set to go into my father business. Umbrella frames -- that's what he made. It was a sensible business, I suppose, but I didn't have the sense to be interested in anything sensible. [He's sharing his story, but it may be a lie.]
REGGIE: I suppose all this is leading somewhere?
DYLE: It led me away from umbrella frames, for one thing. But that left me without any honest means of support.
REGGIE: What do you mean?
DYLE: When a man has no profession except the one he loathes, what's left? I began looking for people with more money than they'd ever need -- including some they'd barely miss.
REGGIE: (astonished): You mean, you're a thief?
DYLE: Well, it isn't exactly the term I'd have chosen, but I suppose it captures the spirit of the thing.
REGGIE: I don't believe it.
DYLE: Well, I can't really blame you -- not now.
REGGIE: But I do believe it -- that's what I don't believe. So it's goodbye Alexander Dye -- Welcome home Peter Joshua. [She allows herself to believe.]
DYLE: Sorry, the name's Adam Canfield.
REGGIE: Adam Canfield. Wonderful. Do you realize you've had three names in the past two days? I don't even know who I'm talking to any more.
DYLE (now called ADAM): The man's the same, even if the name isn't.
REGGIE: No -- he's not the same. Alexander Dyle was interested in clearing up his brother's death. Adam Canfied is a crook. And with all the advantages you've got -- brains, charm, education, a handsome face --  [She admits to feelings.]
ADAM: Oh, come on!
REGGIE: -- there has to be a darn good reason for living the way you do. I want to know what it is.
ADAM: It's simple. I like what I do -- I enjoy doing it. There aren't many men who love their work as much as I do. Look around some time.
REGGIE: Is there a Mrs. Canfield?
ADAM: Yes, but --
ADAM REGGIE (together): -- we're divorced.  [More personal revelations.]
ADAM: Right. Now go eat your dinner.

ANOTHER ANGLE

They walk back to the table, where a WAITER is busy putting food on it, mostly on REGGIE's side.

REGGIE (miserably): I could eat a horse.
ADAM (looking at all the food): I think that's what you ordered.
REGGIE: Don't you dare to be civil with me! All this time you were leading me on --
ADAM: How was I leading you on?
REGGIE: All that marvelous rejection -- you know I couldn't resist it. Now it turns out you were only interested in the money.  [She admits he got to her.]
ADAM: That's right.
REGGIE (HURT): Oh!  [Her vulnerable moment.]
ADAM: What would you like me to say -- that a pretty girl with an outrageous manner means more to an old pro like me than a quarter of a million dollars? [His vulnerable moment.]
REGGIE: No -- I guess not.
ADAM: It's a toss-up, I can tell you that.
REGGIE: What?
ADAM: Don't you know I'm having a tough time keeping my eyes off of you? [Vulnerable moment.]

REGGIE reacts in surprise.

ADAM: Oh, you should see your face.  [Moment of shared humor.]
REGGIE: What about it?
ADAM (taking her hand, nicely): It's lovely. [Sincere compliment.]

She looks at him with happy amazement, then pushes her plate away.

ADAM: What's the matter?
REGGIE: I'm not hungry -- isn't it glorious? [She is finally secure.]

The lights go out.

REGGIE (alarmed): Adam!
ADAM: It's all right -- look.

EXT. SEINE BATEAU MOUCHE - NIGHT

A searchlight near the boat's bridge has gone on and now begins sweeping the river banks. On benches by the water's edge, lovers are surprised by the bright light which suddenly and without warning discovers them in various attitudes of mutual affection. Some are embarrassed, some are amused and some (the most intimate) damn annoyed. One even shakes his fist at the light.

MED. SHOT -- REGGIE AND ADAM

Who, like everyone else, leave the table and stand together at the rail watching.

REGGIE: You don't look so bad in this light.
ADAM: Why do you think I brought you here?
REGGIE (indicating the lovers): I thought maybe you wanted me to see the kind of work the competition was turning out.
ADAM: Pretty good, huh? I taught them everything they do.
REGGIE: Oh? Did they do that sort of thing way back in your day?
ADAM: How do you think I got here?

She rises on tip-toes and kisses him gently; his only reaction is to look at her.  [She makes the first move!]

REGGIE: Aren't you allowed to kiss back?
ADAM: No. The doctor said it would be bad for my -- thermostat.

She kisses him again. He responds a little better.

ADAM: When you come on, you really come on.
REGGIE: Well -- come on.

She starts to kiss him again, but he stops her.

REGGIE: I know why you're not taken -- no one can catch up with you.
ADAM: Relax -- you're gaining.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: 1) Put the mystery between the lovers; 2) An excellent subtext of a mystery is "me or the money." 3) Truthful intimacy will take time on the page.

Charade (1963)(10/1/62 draft)
by Peter Stone
Based on a story by Peter Stone and Marc Behm

TODAY'S NUGGET: Little Nikita (1988) - Re-Writing Three Writers Ahead of You; Sensitivity to Character, Tone

[Quick Summary:  FBI Agent (Sidney Poitier) tries to unmask two Russian sleeper spies and strikes up an unlikely friendship with their son (River Phoenix).]

I've been reading my way through the scripts of double Oscar winner (and triple nominee) Bo Goldman. His work has noticeable depth.*

His originals are impressive (ex. Melvin and Howard, Scent of a Woman), but I've become even more fascinated in how he elevated scripts in his re-write work.

His handiwork is particularly evident in character relationships, even if the final film was not well received (as today's script was not).**  

I think Goldman's sensitivity to characters is seen well in the scene below:
- Jeff is about to interview for the Air Force.
- This may look like an easy scene, but read all the way to the end to see the shifts in tone (semi-serious - shooting the breeze - life changing moment - fork in the road).
- Notice how realistic the silly/serious line is among guy friends.

INT. TEENAGERS' VW - DAY

Rolling down the San Diego County roads, Bret at the wheel, Jeff beside him, in the back, Tom and Tony. Tom and Tony and Bret are guzzling cans of soda and munching potato chips while Jeff sits moodily, his arms folded.

BRET (to Jeff): Don't you want a Mountain Dew?

TOM (heavily): Don't force him, today is crucial.

Tom chug-a-lugs his soda noisily, Jeff glances back at him.

JEFF: Okay, gimme one.

Tony pops a can, hands it to Jeff.

TONY: Are we ready, folks, I'm the interviewer...

BRET: And I'm Jeff...

TONY: Son!

BRET: Yes, sir!

TONY: Straighen up, son!

BRET: Yes, sir!

TONY: Statistics, son!

BRET: 'Statistics!' Fire away, sir!

TONY: Barbara Kerry's statistics?!

BRET: 34-18 --

TONY: 69!

Laughs. Jeff doesn't.

JEFF: Okay, okay, I got it.

Jeff shifts the can of soda in his hand. Tom, a gentle giant, removes it from him, gulps the rest.

TOM: ...Why's your interview first?

TONY: Yeah, how come you rate?

BRET: The boy must have clout.

TONY: Your father cal somebody?

TOM: My father knows Chuck Yeager. He autographed his book for my dad. General Yeager may sponsor me. 

TONY: Dr. Ruth autographed her book for my dad.

BRET: Yeah, she may sponsor me.

TONY: ...Who's Chuck Yeager?

TOM: Chuck Yeager? The Sound Barrier? Greatest pilot in the world? Any of this mean anything? I don't think the Air Force is for you, Tony.

Tony looks at him blankly.

TOM (contd): ...Gentlemen, The Wrong Stuff!

Sudden silence as Bret pulls up alongside Camp Pendelton headquarters. Brassy uniforms file in and out of the nerve center of the huge Marine base.

TONY: Good luck, buddy --

TOM: And remember, you live in fame, go down in flame --

But Jeff has already jumped out, is jogging toward the headquarters door, the boys watching as he passes grizzled sergeants, hash-marks up their arms. Jeff glances back now, the boys wave to him reassuringly. Finally, Bret pees out, cacophonous voices float back over the parking lot, "Off we go, into the wild, blue yonder..."

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I really liked how realistic this small, but memorable, moment was.

I think it's the writer's rhythm that makes the difference: deft use of shifts in tone; the characters going off on tangents, not talking about the interview ahead.

Little Nikita (1988)(9/15/86 Bo Goldman draft)
by John Hill and Bo Goldman
Story by Tom Musca and Terry Schwartz
* Writer Eric Roth (Forrest Gump, The Insider) said this about Goldman: 

“The man whose work made the biggest impression on me, because of his audacious originality, his understanding of social mores, his ironic sense of humor, and his outright anger at being human, and all with his soft spoken grace and eloquent simplicity is Bo Goldman. This degenerate horse player of a man lived his life like he lived his politics, never shying from a fight. His words were silk, never wasted or misplaced, and he would throw away what others would consider glorious and did it all without a moment’s fanfare.”

**Roger Ebert acknowledged that this was one of those packaged deals that was trying to reach a big audience, especially parents and teens. 

He also pinpointed some of the story's flaws:

"...It turns all of the characters into chess pieces, whose relationships depend on the plot, not on human chemistry. Since the plot is absurdly illogical, you're not left with much....

Everything leads up to the single most unbelievable chain of coincidences in recent movie history, when the entire plot depends on all of the key characters accidentally boarding the same trolley car. 

Because 'Little Nikita' is impossible to believe, impossible even to accept as a plausible fantasy, it is impossible to care about. 

As a general rule, a thriller must have some sort of interior consistency; if anything can happen, how can we feel any suspense about what does happen?"

TODAY'S NUGGET: Thunderball (1965) - Transition In & Out of a Bond Torture Scene (Tone)

[Quick Summary: Bond travels to the Bahamas to stop Largo who is extorting the world with nuclear weapons.]

Have we seen this story before?  Why, yes!

It's based on the novel, Thunderball, which was made into two different films by two different sets of producers.*  To me, this is clearly the better script of the two.

I find that Bond torture scenes are not too graphic (probably unlike the books) and end with panache and a quip.  

How do the writers make that turn in tone believable? I think it's the acknowledgment that he's hurt and is deliberately trying to lighten the moment.

In the scene below:
- Bond is at a health clinic.
- He is lying on a Motorised Traction Table to stretch the spine. 
- His hands are above his head in hand grips and his legs strapped down.  The motor below the table tightens and loosens the grips.
- He has encountered suspicious man with Piaget watch in the hall.
- Pay particular attention to #59b where I've bolded the turn in tone.

55. WALL CLOCK

Now reading 28 minutes after ten. CAMERA ANGLE WIDENS TO INCLUDE BOND ON COUCH, his eyes closed, the straps operating rhythmically. He hears a sound outside curtains, turns his head toward them, opens his eyes. Slowly a tanned, muscular arm reaches through curtains toward lever near dial.

56. INSERT: HAND DEPRESSING DIAL

On the wrist is the distinctive Piaget watch covering the tattoo. The needle on the dial starts moving up. The hand draws back out of shot.

57. INT. ALCOVE. BOND

Whine of motor builds, the straps tightening and loosening more rapidly and with increasing violence. BOND struggles desperately as his back is racked by powerful wrenches. He tries to shout, but can only manage choked, intermittent gasps.

58. INSERT: DIAL

Needle rises to 200, stays there.

59. INT. ALCOVE. BOND

His features contort agonizedly as the couch seems to go beserk.

59a.  EFFECTS SHOT. PATRICIA

The face is coming and going in great jerks and then suddenly the sound ceases.

59b. INT. ALCOVE. BOND. PATRICIA

Her hand comes away from the switch, goes up nervously to her mouth.

PATRICIA: My God....my God....you could've been killed.....

She helps him up. He straightens himself painfully. Then with an effort. [my emphasis]

BOND: I feel like I've grown about six inches.

PATRICIA (very upset): Can't think how it could've happened....and I can tell you it's a miracle I came back when I did...I'd left my watch behind.

She is wiping the sweat off his body with a towel, for he is soaking wet.

BOND: I'll buy you another one tomorrow....solid diamond.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  It's transitions like this (capturing the tone switch) elevate this script above the other one. Same story, but the level of craft is higher.

Thunderball (1965)(1/19/65 revised)
by Richard Maibaum and John Hopkins
Based on the original story by Kevin McClory, Jack Whittingham, and Ian Fleming

*After the initial success of the Bond franchise with EON Productions, Ian Fleming worked with another producer, Kevin McClory, and writer Jack Whittingham on script.  It didn't get made, so Fleming turned it into a novel, Thunderball, under his own name. 

McClory sued Fleming for copyright and settled. 

Then EON was afraid of competition, so it made a deal with McClory that would allow EON to produce Thunderball, with McClory as producer.

In the 1970s, McClory wanted to bring his version of Thunderball to the screen. This became Never Say Never Again (1983). 

In 2013, EON Productions finally settled all the rights to Thunderball with the McClory estate.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Mary Rose (unproduced Hitchcock) - Building Blocks of Creating & Layering Dread in Psychological Horror

[Quick Summary: Mary Rose has no memory of disappearing from an Island, then reappearing after 20 days.  As an adult, she re-visits and disappears for 18 yrs.]

After a run of 3 other psychological horrors,* I'm not sure why Hitchcock couldn't get this script green lit.**  It is very much in his wheelhouse of suspense.

This script is a great example of one keys to psychological horror: creeping dread.  

What are the building blocks of dread?  Often unease and uncertainty.

Let's look at a great example in the scene below:
- Kenneth (40), Mary Rose's son, returns to his childhood home, which is for sale.
- He's been away for 20+ yrs. and walks through the unlocked front door.
- Notice what the writer uses to build dread: the physical description of the wallpaper; the gloom in 'sacking,' 'peeling,' old woman, etc.
- Notice what the writer uses to layer dread: uneasiness of chair facing away from us; sound, shadow,  old woman is holding her breath, etc.
- I've underlined below the phrases that kept me uneasy or uncertain.

Slowly, he begins to mount the stairs. At the top, he discovers a door, open upon a dark and deeply silent room. Quietly, he enters. All of this room's past, which can be taken away, has gone.  Such light as there is...no more than enough to make shadows...comes from the only window, which is at the back and incompletely shrouded in sacking. Also toward the back of the room is another door.  It is closed. As his eyes adjust to the dark, they circle the room, taking in the peeling wallpaper, the desolated, deserted sadness of it all, until finally his eyes come to rest upon the only furnishings in the room...if two up-ended packing cases and a chair may be called furnishings.

On top of one of the cases is an unlighted candle in a holder, and beside it is a chair, the back of which is turned toward the man. These objects seem only to add to the impression of empty desertion. And then, in the dark, the man becomes slowly conscious of the faintest, almost indiscernible movement. It is in the chair. He freezes. There is a moment of utterly suspended animation. Then he speaks, his voice hardly a whisper.

KENNETH: Who's there?

THE CAMERA closes in tight on the chair, as from its depth the movement takes shape and turns to face the man. In the chair is a woman, old, gaunt, narrowed-eyed...as her old gimlet eyes observe the obviously corporeal nature of the intruder, does she let out her breath. Hostilely, she regards him.

MRS. OTERY: What do you think you're up to here now! This here's private property!

KENNETH (relaxes, almost smiles): And you must be the caretaker.  Your name is....?

MRS. OTERY (compelled against herself to answer his gentle, but utterly assured command): Mrs. Otery. (trying to regain her authority) Mrs. Harry Otery, that's who. And I'm in charge of this house. It's my job to show it to prospective purchasers with appointments.

KENNETH: Really? From the looks of things, I shouldn't think you'd find yourself very busy.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Creeping dread is built on an increasing rise and fall of unease and uncertainty.

Mary Rose (unproduced Hitchcock)(2nd draft, 2/15/64)
by Jay Presson Allen
Adapted from the play by J.M. Barrie

*Psycho (1960), The Birds (1963), Marnie (1964).

**Ostensibly, Hitchcock said: "They believe it isn't what the audiences expect of me. Not the kind of picture they expect of me."

TODAY'S NUGGET: Primal Fear (1996) - Why EXPAND the Intro from One to Three Pages?

[Quick Summary: A defense attorney volunteers to defend a 19 y.o. street kid who is accused of murdering the Archbishop.]

I do not often read earlier drafts since too many things can affect the final shooting script, even weather or change of directors!

However, I happened to see the first page of an early draft of this script and was struck by the REASON for the changes. 

IN THE EARLY DRAFT: Vail, the defense attorney, is being interviewed by a magazine writer, who asks if a funny courtroom story was true. It wraps up p.1.

IN THE LATER DRAFT: This one pager is expanded to three pages, and I do like this version much better.

Why is the expansion? It shows Vail's point of view on the law. It sets the tone, as well as our expectations of what this ride will be like.

What does it look like on the page? Over a black screen with credits, page one begins with the magazine writer and Vail discussing that funny courtroom story.

The second page begins:

INT. VAIL'S OFFICE - DUSK

Tight on a sputter water faucet and hands. Into a cup, splash to the face and mouth. Vail. Tuxedo shirt on. Studs finally in place. Top button undone. Tie drapes over his shoulder.

VAIL: Truth? How do you mean? 

In the adjacent room, a magazine writer sits at a coffee table cluttered with notes, pencils, ashtray and ashes.

CONNERMAN: Well, I'm not sure how many ways there are to mean it.

Vail appears in the bathroom door attempting to knot the bow tie of his tuxedo.

VAIL: There's only one? One truth? (loudly) Naomi!! (shrugs) You're right there's only one that matters -

NAOMI CHANCE, an attractive Black woman comes in from another room. Vail needs her help with the tie. To Connerman, continuing - 

VAIL: The one I create in the minds of those twelve men and woman sitting on the jury. If you want to call that the illusion of truth? - well, that's up to you.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The early draft laid out a good foundational p.1, which the later draft was able to build upon.  

Also, I wouldn't be surprised if the early draft exposed the need for a deeper explanation, as found in the latter draft.

Primal Fear (1996)(6/13/94* and 4/10/95, revised)
Written & revised by Steve Shagan
Based on the novel by William Diehl

*Trivia: I was particularly interested in this earlier draft, in large part because its author was the great thriller writer Steven Zaillian.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Story of G.I. Joe (1945) - Feeling as if You Belong (Showing Camaraderie Without Words)

[Quick Summary: Near the end of WWII, Pulitzer Prize winning journalist Ernie Pyle follows troops, in the good and bad, as they liberate Italy.]

Journalist Ernie Pyle wrote in a way that brought his readers close to the troops.  I was surprised at how this script did the same thing for me.

I'm glad that the writers did not focus on politics or the problems of an on-going war.*  Instead, they focused on what these soldiers really fought for - each other.  

All throughout the script, there is this feeling as if you belong, i.e., camaraderie.  It shows up particularly in very small moments.

In the scene below:
- Notice how Murphy's death is handled tactfully, quietly.
- Mew, who has no family, had to fill out his insurance forms earlier.
- Notice how the scene speaks without words of taking care of each other.

Ernie looks at the corner where Murphy always sat. Then at Red's picture. Then at Mew, who slowly takes out his tattered insurance paper and a pencil, and starts to rub something out, following which we see the INSURANCE PAPER: Crossing out Murph's name, Mew changes the sum opposite Mrs. Murphy's name to $4000. The list now reads: Warnicki $2000; Junior $2000; Mrs. Murphy $4000.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I thought the Pyle character would be a throw away, but he was part of that camaraderie  He showed that it mattered to tell these soldiers' stories.

Story of G.I. Joe (1945)
by Leopold Atlas, Guy Endore, Phillip Stevenson

*When this film was made in 1944, WWII had not ended yet and Italy was still being liberated.

2022 OSCARS: Dune (2021) - Making the Unfamiliar Familiar in Sci-Fi (Clarity)

[Quick Summary: At the behest of the Emperor, Paul's family moves to the planet Arrakis and is attacked, in a great political and financial conspiracy.]  

I am impressed by this excellent adaptation of an enormous book (576 pgs.) It felt accessible to me, who knew nothing, yet it had enough for rabid fans.  

I noticed that CLARITY did two things:
- Helped increase pacing.
- Made the unfamiliar familiar, ex. simplifying complicated characters or back-stabbing politics to understandable concepts (mother-son, enemy-ally, etc.)

In the scene below:
- Jessica, Paul's mother, has left him (16) in the library with her old teacher, Rev. Mother Mohiam.
- Jessica hasn't told Paul everything about her side of the family nor about this test.
- Rev. Mother orders Paul to put his hand in a special box.
- Though the details may be sci-fi and unfamiliar, this situation is very familiar (student taking test w/ teacher; worried parent in the next room).
- Also, notice that the rawness of tone and tension makes it read faster.

IN THE LIBRARY

Paul stares at the Reverend Mother apprehensively. And suddenly he feels it: a tingling sensation in his fingers that makes his breath catch. He hisses in pain.

PAUL: Why are you doing this?

REV. MOTHER MOHIAM: An animal caught in a trap will gnaw off its own leg to escape. What will you do?

OUTSIDE THE DOOR

Jessica's voice shakes as she whispers the Litany.

JESSICA: I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

IN THE LIBRARY

Sweat beads on Paul's forehead as the pain grows into agony. He moans through clenched teeth. His left hand balled into a white knuckled fist, his arm trembling. Pain!

OUTSIDE THE DOOR

Jessica closes her eyes.

JESSICA (CONT'D): And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

IN THE LIBRARY

Paul trembles. The gom jabbar glints against his neck. The Reverend Mother's eyes burn into him. He is panting.

INSERT: Paul's hand inside the box. Like a hand in a bonfire. The skin blackening. Splitting.

Paul CRIES OUT involuntarily. The Reverend Mother hisses:

REV. MOTHER MOHIAM: Silence!

OUTSIDE THE DOOR

Jessica's voice rises --

JESSICA: Where the fear has gone there will be nothing!

IN THE LIBRARY

Paul shudders in excruciating pain. Locking eyes with the old Reverend Mother. At the very edge of his endurance.

INSERT: Paul's hand. Crisp flesh falling from charred bones.

Paul shuts his eyes. His mouth opens in a silent scream.

REV. MOTHER MOHIAM Enough!

The pain cuts off at once. Paul's eyes snap open with a gasp.

OUTSIDE THE DOOR

Jessica opens her eyes.

JESSICA: Only I will remain.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was surprised how fast I read this and how engaged I stayed, even though I didn't totally get all the sci-fi stuff.

Dune (2021) (6/19/20 final draft w/revisions)
by Jon Spaights and Denis Villeneuve and Eric Roth
Based on the novel 'Dune' by Frank Herbert

TODAY'S NUGGET: McCabe and Mrs. Miller (1971) - Knowing Your Director's Process; Tone Turns to Business

[Quick Summary: In 1897, McCabe opens a tavern and brothel (run by his partner Mrs. Miller), but becomes a target when he won't sell out to a mining corporation.]

TWO THOUGHTS:

1) KNOWING THE DIRECTOR'S PROCESS. Director/writer Robert Altman was an auteur, but also was known for making bitter enemies out of his writers. 

I think most writers could've handled: 
- His disregard for the script (very common in the industry)
- His organic, ever changing method of film making (very common)
- His concern for emotional rather than literal accuracy (very common)

However, I think the crux was that he would've done it all himself if he could have (something every writer should be aware of):

Brian McKay, who has worked with Altman more frequently than any other writer, says, “If you want me to get in line with the rest of the angry writers, I will, but it’s more complicated than that. I think what Bob really wants is the European credit: ‘A Film by Robert Altman.’ And, often, he deserves it.” Seven years ago Altman told McKay, “Remember this. I take all the credit and most of the money when you work with me.” Through several television series, “Brewster McCloud,” “McCabe & Mrs. Miller” and a number of never-made films, McKay remembered. “Now I don’t think I’ll ever work with Bob again,” McKay says, but he looks back on the association with affection. “I can’t think of one person who was hurt from his association with Bob Altman—except emotionally.”

2) TONE TURNS TO BUSINESS.  As Ebert points out here, this is a business relationship between McCabe and Mrs. Miller.  

I was surprised how fast the tone could turn, even after love making:

INT. MRS. MILLER'S BEDROOM

...McCABE: You don't never find no better man than me, Madame.

CONSTANCE: I never belonged to a m an before and I never will --You want to do something for me? Buy me out, you cheap son-of-a-bitch and let me go to San Francisco and build my boarding house.

McCABE: That's what you'd like, isn't it?

CONSTANCE: You're Goddamn right it is. What do you think? That you're some great lover or something? You don't even take off your long johns. Sleeping with you's like taking a bath with your socks on.

McCABE: Well, figure out what you got coming, 'cause I had an offer yesterday from the Bearpaw Territorial Mining Company.

All the foregoing words were shouted in anger and designed to hurt by both of them...but a real offer to sell is something else again. Mrs. Miller thinks on her reply before she answers, her tone changing.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Part of the tragedy was that the script kept everything transactional, even the romantic bits.  It kept the tone consistent and realistic.

McCabe & Mrs. Miller (1971)
by Brian McKay and Robert Altman
Based on the novel, "McCabe," by Edmund Naughton

2021 OSCARS: Promising Young Woman (2020) - Well-Rounded Characters Come With Attitudes/Agendas That Will Cause Conflict

[Quick Summary: After her life goes off the rails, angry Cassie seeks revenge on men with a targeted agenda.]

This is a very sharply written script, very focused in tone and intent.  It is a throwback to the really good female led thrillers of yore.

For me, the script works because the writer stayed true to the character all the way through, and did not shirk back when things turned ugly in Act 3. 

Also, characters are fully rounded, even the minor ones.  

In the scene below, notice:
- How each character has a distinct attitude that is easily distinguished.
- How these attitudes/agendas lead to conflicts that push the story forward.

INT. MAKE ME COFFEE SHOP - LATER 

...GABBY:  Um. A hot chocolate please.

CASSANDRA starts making it. The men are now openly staring at GABBY, whispering.

JEFF: I'd never let my daughter go out looking like that. Nothing to the imagination.

but the way he's looking at her is not that of a concerned parent.

CASSANDRA glares at him. She leans forward and whispers to GABBY.

CASSANDRA: Do you want me to freak those fuckers out?

GABBY glances over at them.

GABBY (low): No, no! Please don't! Please don't say anything. Please.

She is bight red with embarrassment. Almost in tears.

CASSANDRA: It's alright. Don't worry. Don't worry about those creeps. Fuck 'em.

She passes GABBY her drink.

CASSANDRA (CONT'D): On the house.

GABBY (small): Thanks.

GABBY makes her way to the door trying to keep as far from the table as she can while the men watch, sniggering.

CASSANDRA comes over to wipe their table and - oops! - she knocks a hot coffee into JEFF's lap.

He leaps up.

JEFF: JESUS!

CASSANDRA: Would you look at that! Right in the crotch!

GABBY turns and stifles a smile at CASSANDRA as she leaves. CASSANDRA winks at her.

CASSANDRA (CONT'D): Let me get you a fresh one, sir. Hope I didn't burn you.

He watches her go, furiously.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was particularly impressed how cleanly defined these characters were, unapologetic and driven. I may not agree with their POV, but I understood them.

Promising Young Woman (2020)
Written and directed by Emerald Fennell