TODAY'S NUGGET: The Day After Tomorrow (unproduced) - An Effective Use of "SAME TIME" and "CUT TO:" for Clarity, Tempo

[Quick Summary: After he spots the man who killed his father, a traumatized surgeon goes on the run to pursue the killer.]

Writers Clement and la Frenais are well-known for their humor, but I have also enjoyed their action chops. 

Today's script has great action that's easy to follow, even though there are multiple, simultaneous story arcs.  I wasn't ever lost or confused.  How did they do it? 

As I read, I noticed two helpful sets of transition words that I tend to forget to use*: 

1) Using SAME TIME - This was sort of a "hold the main arc for a minute, we're taking a side trip" reminder to me.

 2) Using "CUT TO:" - When reading at full speed, I didn't pay much attention to this.  Looking back, I do think it's very helpful as a rhythm thing, to unconsciously flag that there was going to be a switch in tempo. 

The scene below is a good example that uses both these transitions: 
- Paul was a child, when Kanarack killed Paul's father.
- Paul saw Kanarack in their house and never forgot Kanarack's face.
- Paul hires a p.i. who tracks down Kanarack and the location of his house. 
- Paul goes into Kanarack's house to find proof this is the right guy.
- Try reading this scene at full speed first.  Then re-read it, noticing that "SAME TIME" and "CUT TO" are subtle clues to changes of POV and tempo.
- Also notice that despite the multiple arcs, there is clarity because there is unity of action: Paul is trespassing in Kanarack's house. Kanarack is after Paul. Someone is shooting at them both. 

EXT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE

The Jaguar pulls up the driveway...Kanarack climbs out. Sees the broken window.

                                                                   CUT TO: 

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- CLOSET

Paul rummages in a FOOTLOCKER...Packets of MONEY in various CURRENCIES...Paul finds a plastic ENVELOPE...Opens it as he moves to the bedroom to read them in the daylight... 

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- KITCHEN

As Kanarack enters the kitchen, the cat SCURRIES OUTSIDE...Kanarack listens intently as he tiptoes inside...Slowly, quietly he opens a drawer...Finds a CHEF'S KNIFE...Knife at the ready, he tiptoes inside...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- BEDROOM

As Paul moves to access the daylight from the windows, he riffles through the DOCUMENTS in the plastic envelope...PASSPORTS with several different IDENTITIES, all with Kanarack's photo...Also DRIVER'S LICENSES...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- STAIRS

Brandishing the knife, Kanarack moves slowly up the stairs...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. BEDROOM

As Paul continues to go through the documents, something catches his eye. His brow furrows, puzzled... 

A DIPLOMATIC PASSPORT issued by the government of SYRIA, with Kanarack's photo and a phony identity...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME KANARACK'S HOUSE

POV -- THROUGH TELESCOPIC SIGHT

Following Paul through the lace curtains of the bedroom windows...A SNIPER, 20s, Palestinian, on a nearby rooftop...The CROSSHAIRS line up over Paul's HEAD...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- BEDROOM

Paul looks at the Syrian passport, thinks a beat...Glances out the window...He pulls the curtain back for a better look...

PAUL'S POV

As the CAT plays on the front lawn...

CLOSE ON -- PAUL

Wondering...How did the cat get on the front lawn... He realizes...That Kanarack is INSIDE THE HOUSE...Just as... 

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE 

...The SNIPER pulls on the trigger of his silenced .580 SNIPER'S RIFLE...PFFFFFT!...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. BEDROOM

Paul TURNS inside just as the glass SHATTERS...A floral pillow EXPLODES in feathers as the headboard of the bed behind it SPLINTERS..

Terrified, Paul THROWS himself to the floor... 

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- STAIRS

Kanarack hears the noise of the impact, the thud of Paul's body as it falls...He FREEZES on the stairs... 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When I write, these transitions seem clunky, sticking out like sore thumbs. However, when I read, they establish a tempo, so they aren't as noticeable, more like background players.

Also: unity in an action scene helps keep multiple story arcs from being confusing. 

The Day After Tomorrow (unproduced)
by  Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais

* I visualize these transitions like bowling alley gutter bumpers that keep kids' bowling balls on track (photo example here).

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Bank Job (2008) - Is It Ok to Open With Literary Quotes? (Openings)

[Quick Summary: In 1971 England, three average blokes are hired by old school friend Martine to tunnel into a bank, but her reasons are not what they expected.]

Q: Is a literary quote at the beginning of a script ok?
A: Generally, I don't like them because it slows me down getting into a script. 

Q: Is there any occasion when it is effective?
A: Today's script is one of those rare occasions because:
- The purpose is the irony, which produces a laugh.
- You don't have to understand the quote to get the irony, only the contrast of the two quotes.
- It is short.
 

Here is the first page:  

 ON a Black Screen we fade in:

                           'There is a tide in the affairs of men
                    which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune.'

                                                       William Shakespeare

                           'Every dog has his day - even the underdog.'

                                             Some bloke in a pub in Battersea 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The use of the literary quotes is effective here because it's an unexpected use of them.  We are not supposed to be impressed by the quotes, but the contrast between them. This different point of view is part of the writers' comedic and ironic voice. 

The Bank Job (2008)(1/3/01 draft)
by Dick Clement & Ian La Frenais 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Full Moon (Unproduced) - What A "Very British Sense of Humor" Looks Like on the Page

[Quick Summary: After a fictional young New Yorker flies to the UK for adventure, he becomes a minder to over-the-top Keith Moon, drummer of The Who band.]

What characterizes British humor?  Here's part of an essay from British comedian Ricky Gervais that was helpful to me: 

I would say that Americans are more “down the line.” They don’t hide their hopes and fears. They applaud ambition and openly reward success. Brits are more comfortable with life’s losers. We embrace the underdog until it’s no longer the underdog. We like to bring authority down a peg or two. Just for the hell of it. Americans say, “have a nice day” whether they mean it or not. Brits are terrified to say this. We tell ourselves it’s because we don’t want to sound insincere but I think it might be for the opposite reason. We don’t want to celebrate anything too soon. Failure and disappointment lurk around every corner. This is due to our upbringing. Americans are brought up to believe they can be the next president of the United States. Brits are told, “It won’t happen for you.” 

Today's script (unproduced) is written by the UK writing team of Dick Clement & Ian la Frenais,* who are best known for their trademark British sense of humor.** 

It's a good example of British humor around one of "life's losers." Keith Moon is ultra famous, but  brings self-destructive anarchy wherever he goes. 

In the scenes below:
- Dougal is the protagonist of the film, and Moon's minder/assistant.
- Moon has a house in Malibu next door to the actor Steve McQueen.
- Moon has become such a nuisance that McQueen built a fence between them.
- Moon is upset that McQueen would want a fence.
-  He decides to "bring authority down a peg or two, just for the hell of it." 
- The irony is that: 1) because Moon insists on a life of continual excess, booze, drugs, and partying that he's lost touch with normal social customs; 2) what Moon wants is connection with McQueen, but his actions isolate himself even more.

 

EXT. MCQUEEN HOUSE   POOLSIDE   DAY

A Hispanic Maid walks from the house with a tray containing a beer and a club sandwich. The fence is finished between the two properties and there's SILENCE except for seagulls and surf. There's a figure lying in a lounger by the side of the pool. We can't see a face as it's concealed by a script called 'The Towering Inferno'. 

EXT. MOONIE'S HOUSE   YARD   DAY

Moonie is astride a vintage British Triumph motorcycle, still wearing the German uniform. 

As we CUT WIDE we reveal that a ramp has been erected leading straight toward his neighbor's fence.

Moonie puts the bike in gear, makes a wide circle, then throttles back and heads it toward the ramp.

EXT. MCQUEEN'S HOUSE   POOLSIDE   DAY

From McQueen's POV we see the motor cycle fly into view, just clearing the top of the fence. in SLOW MOTION it sails through the air, accompanied by the main theme from 'The Great Escape.'. 

It completes its triumphant arc, landing in the swimming pool with a roar and a hiss of bubbling water and oil. There's a pause before Moonie's grinning face breaks the surface.

MOONIE: The Great Escape, Steve, one of your finest.

INT. MOONIE'S HOUSE    KTICHEN    DAY

Dougal gets himself a beer from the ice box. Moonie sits at the kitchen table, rolling himself a joint. He's in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt.

MOONIE: I thought he'd be amused. I was paying homage to the prick! I thought we'd crack a few Coors and talk motorbikes. There's nothing to eat in the house, where have you been? [The irony is that Moonie is offended that McQueen didn't think the stunt was funny. Also, the concerns of an average person - the cost, the embarrassment - doesn't seem to faze him.]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I felt the bittersweetness of the British irony.  I empathized with what Moon wanted (connection) yet abhorred his actions (destructive).

Full Moon (unproduced)(1/31/97, 3rd draft)
by Dick Clement & Ian la Frenais 

* You may not know the names, but you've probably seen their tv/film work (full list here). 

**The story goes that their trademark British humor was so well regarded that they were brought in to punch up the humor on The Rock (1996) before actor Sean Connery would sign on:

Instead, they [Clement and la Frenais] needed to go in and add more humour, and to make the character of John Mason more British. If anything, more Bond. The lack of Britishness had been one of Connery’s key objections to the original screenplay, and it needed addressing. They got to work, and they concentrated on fleshing the character of Mason out. One example contribution is a conversation at the end of the film’s second act, where Connery’s Mason explains, “I was special services. Military intelligence. They taught me to be a killer. In retrospect, I’d sooner have been a poet or a farmer. Which I consider infinitely more honourable professions.”