TODAY'S NUGGET: State of Play (2009) - Multiple Causes of Urgency Within a Scene

[Quick Summary: A journalist (whose college friend is now a current Congressman) investigates the suspicious death of the Congressman's mistress.]

Continual threats to life and limb gets exhausting after awhile in thrillers. 

Thus, I was interested to see what else today's script would do differently. It's not a perfect script,* but I liked that there was creative use of urgency.

For example, the scene below has layers.  It's not just about Cal escaping the elevator, but that he's found the killer and needs to let someone know.

Just prior to this scene:
- Cal has a photo of the killer, Bingham, and traces it back to the latter's apartment.
- Cal recognizes Bingham at the door and they briefly exchange pleasantries. 
- Cal backs off and gets in the elevator.
- Also note: This is a turning point scene that occurs on p. 79 of 125, not earlier at the midpoint, nor later at the climax.

INT. COMPLEX ELEVATOR -- NIGHT

CAL with the phone. Doors closing and...Signal loss. 

CAL: Shit!

CAL descending. 5...4...3...  Chunk.

It has stopped. Everything suddenly black. then, a moment later, an emergency light powers on. But the car isn't moving.

CAL trapped. Coincidence? Can't be. Fuck...

Pulling his phone -- saving it around the car -- searching for a signal -- there, up by the ceiling, a flicker.

CAL (PHONE)(CONT'D): Jimmy. Cal McAffrey...just tell Bell I've found the killer. Five-sixty-six, Jasper Avenue. Five-six-six Jasper! I need cops. I need cops here immediately!

CAL perched on the railing -- wedged near the ceiling -- bent like a contortionist to hang with the signal and --

THE ELEVATOR jolts! -- power on -- CAL falling hard to the floor -- barely catching his breath as the elevator drops a few feet before stopping suddenly and -- 

THE DOORS OPEN TO

INT. COMPLEX LOBBY -- DAY

An empty lobby. CAL steps out cautiously. Did Bingham take the stairs? 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked that this wasn't the run-of-the-mill "I must escape" type of urgency.  There's a different purpose and consequences if Cal fails. 

State of Play (2009)(11/1/07 draft with revisions)
by Matthew Michael Carnahan
Revisions by Tony Gilroy, Peter Morgan, Billy Ray
Based on the BBC miniseries created by Paul Abbott

* I was confused by the ending on the page. I think it was trying to connect a lot of dots in a short period of time.  I note that this film was an adaptation of a BBC tv mini-series that ran 6 episodes, so perhaps it was trying to condense too much into a 2 hr. film?

TODAY'S NUGGET: Flightplan (2005) - When the Antagonist's Identity is Delayed

[Quick Summary: When a widow flies back to the U.S. with her husband's casket, her fragile mind is strained when her 4 y.o. daughter goes missing on the plane.]

What I liked about this script:
- Strong female lead
- It's a real page turner
- Interesting mystery: Is the mother delusional with grief or not?
- Several nice twists & turns, red herrings

What I didn't like about this script: The antagonist takes too long to show up.

I do understand why structurally there is a delay in the reveal.

First, there is plenty of pipe to lay down (ex. the search of the plane; why the female protagonist, Kyle, is distraught; etc.)

Second, the antagonist is continually manipulating Kyle's situation from off screen.  So he is "there," although we do not see him.

Third, part of the mystery is who the antagonist could be.

Fourth, it's a matter of taste and preference how to tell this story.

But for my two cents, the script didn't zip as much until the antagonist shows up (well into Act 2), as in the scene below (SPOILERS AHEAD):

ex.  "INT. AIRJEST - UPPER DECK - ROW 35 -WINDOW - CONTINUING

She rushes toward the window. Through it she sees the apron of the tarmac:

A Plain FBI SEDAN approaches. CARGO-GUYS off-load suitcases and golf-clubs. There's that pallet bearing the Mercedes and its smashing window

...And David's casket, rolling off a conveyor belt.

But now Kyle has to picture Julia inside it. God no... 

Her legs fail her; she literally folds toward the floor. Breathing feels impossible. We stay on her, tight on her face, as:

CARSON (cont'd): She'll wake up in about an hour, give or take, and find herself face to face with your husband. You fuck with me, even a little, and she'll die in there - there's about five hours worth of oxygen inside.

A four year-old girl, in a coffin with a corpse. It's unimaginable, enough to drive a mother mad.

And that's just what it's doing - we can see it Kyle's eyes.

She backs away from the window, into the aisle. Carson takes out his phone, casually.

CARSON (cont'd): Now. Let's talk about your exit strategy.

She's about to explode. It's coming...

CARSON (cont'd): After the money is wired  you're going to --

Bang. She goes off.

In a blur, she has bolted down the aisle, catching Carson completely off-guard.

CARSON: Goddamit...

He takes off after her."

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Even when it doesn't work for me, I admire when writers attempt a bold structure (here, concealing the antagonist's identity as late as possible).

Flightplan (2005)(current revisions by Billy Ray, dated 6/8/04)
by Peter Dowling, rev. by Larry Cohen, Terry Hayes, and Billy Ray

TODAY'S NUGGET: Shattered Glass (2003) - A Contradictory Character

[Quick Summary: Based on a true story. A well-liked young staff writer from the esteemed The New Republic reports on the most fascinating stories,* until a journalist fact-checks one and finds it is fictional.]

I find contradictory characters both fascinating and frustrating, i.e., good reading.

Here, for example, I like AND dislike the Stephen Glass character.

a) I LIKE HIM BECAUSE: He's doesn't brag, is entertaining, thoughtful, and loyal.  He's the friend that enters when all others exit.

ex. "INT. NEAR-EMPTY BALLROOM - TNR TABLE - RESUMING

Lane looks over theother reporters at this table - recalling that painful time:

LANE: No one on the staff would speak to me. No one... (they nod, remembering) Except for Stephen.

The Staffers react, surprised. Very.

                                                                                                     CUT TO:

INT. TNR SUITE - HALLWAY - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)

It's late; the suite is still. Glass walks down the hallway in his socks, checking to see thatnoone's around to spot him... Then he ducks into:

INT. LANE'S OFFICE - CONTINUING (FLASHBACK)

Lane looks up from his desk, drained - and thrown... because Glass is standing in his doorway.

GLASS (softly, with compassion): How's it goin', Chuck?

Lane sighs with relief. He's got an ally."

b) I DISLIKE HIM BECAUSE: He lives in denial, even when the reputation of others is on the line.

The scene below is a conference call between Glass and Lane (his boss), and Penenberg, a Forbes Digital Tool reporter, who has questions about a Glass article.

ex.  "PENENBERG: Um, a few other people we can't seem to locate. Julie Farthwork, Frank Juliet, and Restil's agent - Joe Hiert...We called the numbers you gave us and got voice-mails for all three. And all the e-mails we sent came back saying "no address" or "account closed."

GLASS: Really? 'Cause I've e-mailed them about a million times each. Hiert's on-line all day long.

PENENBERG: Did you ever call these people and get them directly?

GLASS: No. I always left messages and spoke to them when they called back.

PENENBERG: I see.

That hangs there...as we SPLIT SCREEN INTO FOUR SEPARATE IMAGES, each a little slice of tension: Lane's eyes, his notepad, Glass' fidgeting hands, the mini-cassette.

INTERCUT with Penenberg, who is as calm as can be...

PENENBERG: And the references in the article to Nevada law enforcement officials. Was Jim Ghort the only one you spoke to?

GLASS: Yes.

PENENBERG: Do you have a phone number for him?

GLASS: Yeah. Definitely. Somewhere around here.

Glass looks through his notes as if inconvenienced. Then:

GLASS (cont'd): Ready?

PENENBERG: Mmm-hmmm.

GLASS: 605-43--

PENENBERG: Wait.

GLASS: Huh?

PENENBERG: 605. That's not Nevada.

GLASS: Oh.

He pauses. Lane tightens.

GLASS: I guess I got him mixed up with another source. I just have to -- (shuffling pages) Ghort is actually the guy who told me about the Law Enforcement Officials. (more shuffling) I might have to --

LANE (sharply): Give him the number, Stephen.

END SPLIT-SCREEN...as a deafening silence fills both offices. Glass looks wounded.

...and Penenberg and Foroohar look stunned. They know that a lined just got crossed...

PENENBERG (for Foroohar only): This guy is toast.

Foroohar nods."

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The contradictory nature of the Glass character (both loyal and untruthful) gives a familiar story a new angle.

Shattered Glass (2003)(revised draft, dated 5/20/02)
by Billy Ray
From an article by Buzz Bissinger

*He bamboozled The New Republic into printing at least 41 invented or partially invented articles.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Hart's War (2002) - Up the Stakes: A Good Twist & Moral Quandry

[Quick Summary: In a "trial" to amuse the senior German officer, an American POW must defend a black POW who is accused of murdering a third POW.]

Two thoughts:

1) I imagine this was a tough novel to adapt:
- It's a war film with political and racial issues.
- There's a very large ensemble cast.
- There is a lot of material to cover, so it takes a while (40+ pgs) to set up.*
- It's a mystery and a courtroom drama.

2) A good twist in the story and/or moral quandry really up the stakes and conflict.

This script has both.

In the scene below, Tommy Hart is summoned to the office of Commander Visser.

NOTE:
- Visser is the enemy, but....he's offering help? (Good twist!)
- The writer set up a tough decision for Tommy: either betray his beliefs for the benefit of his client, or stick by his beliefs and doom his client. (Good moral quandry!)

ex. "INT. VISSER'S OFFICE - KOMMANDANTUR - MOMENTS LATER

Well-appointed...but those appointments are all starting to show their age. Visser sits, reading Huckleberry Finn (in English, of course) as Tommy is escorted in.

VISSER: Ah, Lieutenant! How are you?

Cell Guard #2 clicks his heels at Visser and exits. Visser lowers his book. Tommy looks around, wary.

VISSER: Not too well, I imagine. That was quite a beating you took today. Sit.

Tommy sits, eyeing the copy of Huckleberry Finn.

VISSER: You know this book? It's wonderful....And after watching that trial all day, I found myself longing for the tales of "Nigger Jim!"

TOMMY: Major, I have witnesses to prepare for...

VISSER: Yes. This has been very much on mind. In fact it's why I wanted to see you.

He crosses to a bookcase, grabs a MILITARY MANUAL, and hands it to Tommy: "The U.S. Army Officers' Handbook of Military Law and Court-Martial Procedure." Tommy eyes it, surprised.

TOMMY: How did you --

VISSER: We keep a library of all American military manuals. I thought this one might be of particular use to you. (pleased) As I'd said, my sense of fair play...

Tommy pauses. Something's feeling a little Faustian here...

TOMMY: I don't think I can accept this, Major. We have a policy about fraternizing with the --

VISSER: You walk back in there unarmed and your client is going to face a firing squad. Would that be better?

Tommy's wavering now. They both know it.

VISSER: Read it. You might learn something.

On Tommy, we...
                                                                                                   CUT TO:"

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I think war films tend to blend together unless something sets it apart.  Here, the unusual structural elements make it memorable.

Hart's War (2002)(2nd draft revised, dated 8/16/00)
by Billy Ray
Based on the novel by John Katzenbach - and drafts by Jeb Stuart and Terry George

*Yes, it was necessary. No, I don't know if it could be sped up faster than it was. No, this does not make me happy, but it is the reality of screenplay form vs. novel.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Volcano (1997) - Rhthym/Tempo in an Action Film

[Quick Summary: When molten lava breaks through the earth's crust, the no-nonsense O.E.M chief struggles to corral the lava amid multiple emergencies.]

Disaster films are a tough sell to today's audiences.

However, I think that today's script is still worth a read because it is a good example of rhythm/tempo in an action film.

For me, rhythm/tempo is one of the more difficult things to describe to new writers.

If done right, it is generally invisible to the audience.  If done wrong, the audience senses something is off, but often can't tell you why.

A few rhythm/tempo clues from this script:

1) It will take more space on the page than you think.
2) Rhythm/tempo conveys feeling: fast (urgency); building (pushing to a climax); pause (off guard or thinking); etc.
3) In scripts, it consists of the sequence of scenes STRUNG TOGETHER.

Note in the scene below:
- There's a lot of writing on the page (sorry it's so long).
- The sequence is: Show us other rescuers --> show protagonist Roark --> show other rescuers --> show Roark. It is the drumbeat of battle.
- When Dr. Jaye disagrees with Roark, he pauses before answering (see notes below).

ex. "MORE LAVA TARGETS THE DOWNED FIRETRUCK

A BRAVE FIREMAN climbs up to the passenger door of the prone truck, and dives into the cab.

THE LAVA REACHES THE ROOF OF THE FIRETRUCK'S CAB

We hear the BRAVE FIREMAN scream from the heat. He tries to pull the Wounded Driver straight up...A SECOND BRAVE FIREMAN reaches in...trying to pull both of the men out.

THE CAB OF THE DOWNED FIRETRUCK MELTS IN FLAME

The BRAVE FIREMAN and WOUNDED DRIVER are burned alive. We hear their screams.

REED RUNS FOR THAT DOWNED FIRETRUCK

He grabs the SECOND BRAVE FIREMAN before the guy can get himself killed. Pulls him out. AMBULANCE SIRENS wail.

ROAK LOOKS OVER THE STREET

He sees JAYE TRYING TO DRAG THE HEAD-WOUND FIREMAN out of the path of the flow. She's not fast enough.

ROARK HESITATES

Kelly's in his arms, burned, choking from all the ash. Ten feet away, two more firemen are sitting ducks...

HE LAYS KELLY DOWN ON A BUS-BENCH

She should be safe there.

ROARK RUNS BACK ON TO THE STREET

He grabs the legs of the Head-Wound Fireman. Jaye has the guy's arms. Together, they move him.

ROARK AND JAYE LEAVE THE GUY BESIDE KELLY

Lava's still coming...And the BROKEN-LEG FIREMEN is right in its path.

With the help of a THIRD FIREMAN, they hoist the guy up and haul him back to that bush-bench. Broken-leg Fireman screams in agony.

THE LAVA PASSES BY THEM

IT'S SLOW, BUT MENACING, CARRYING DEBRIS.  GRAVITY SLOPES IT WEST, DOWN WILSHIRE. ROARK AND JAYE LOOK OVER THEIR THREE CASUALTIES.

JAYE (has to shout): We have to get these people to Cedars.

ROARK: This is my daughter. I'll get her there myself.

JAYE: You're O.E.M. right? (Roark nods) You're needed here. I'll take her.

ROARK: I don't...

JAYE: You bring her in, she waits in line. I bring her in, this burn gets treated. (that scored) It's not major. She's gonna be okay...But I don't want it infected.

ON ROARK [Notice that Roark doesn't answer immediately.]

He eyes, Jaye, sizing her up. She's all-business.

AROUND HIM - CHAOS [Instead, we see what he's seeing, i.e., what he's thinking.]

More accidents, more fires, and it's just beginning.

THE LAVA HITS A ROW OF PALM TREES

They line the entrance to LACMA. One by one, the palms ignite. From within the Museum, fire alarms WAIL.

ROARK LOOKS TO HIS DAUGHTER

Then back to Jaye again. He nods.

ROARK: Take her."

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Give yourself room on the page. Rhythm/tempo needs space.

Volcano (1997)(draft dated 5/3/96)
by Billy Ray and Jerome Armstrong
Story by Jerome Armstrong