[Quick Summary: In this draft, a police officer tracks down the shadow entity that wants to kill him, and uncovers a government wide conspiracy.]
OK, OK, I know it was 1974...
...and investigative reporters were hot in films...
...but I still wish they'd stuck to this script and kept the protagonist as a cop.*
Both Fradys (as an investigative reporter, as a cop) witness an assassination and then are targeted because they witnessed it. Both go on the run.
However, I find that idea of Frady the cop more appealing.
First, it would be more threatening. If no one believes Frady the cop, will anyone?!
Second, it would be a more layered, morally complex character.** Frady the reporter could disregard questions that would require a few extra steps for Frady the cop.
Read the scene below with: a) Frady as reporter, and b) Frady as cop.
Do you, like me, have different experience/expectations with reporter vs. cop?
ex. "INT. FRADY'S OFFICE - DAY
Frady enters and stops short, like seeing a ghost.
ANOTHER ANGLE
A GIRL is standing by the window. Her name is HILDY. She's in her early 30s and quite attractive enough to explain Cpl. Harmon's whistle, and her attempt to hide her obvious uncertainty isn't very good.
HILDY: Hello, Frady. Surprise.
CU - FRADY
He just looks at her. His eyes are strangely cold. Then his eyes go off her as ANGLE LOOSENS. Making a point of not looking at her, he hangs his jacket on a hook but leaves on his shoulder holster as he goes to desk and yanks open a bottom drawer.
FRADY: How you get in here?
HILDY: Said I was engaged to you.
No look, no comment. Frady takes a bottle from the drawer. Antique label says "Sloane's Horse Liniment," but it's probably not that because he uncaps it and drinks a slug.
HILDY: I had a heck of a time finding you. I never dreamed you'd be a policeman.
FRADY: Me neither.
HILDY: I'm terribly glad you are.
FRADY: I'm glad you're glad. Why?
HILDY: It's the damnest thing. It's -- Look at me, won't you?
He won't. He sticks bottle away, wipes his mouth with back of hand, starts shuffling papers on his desk.
FRADY: Talk of damnedest things. Your first name's Hildy, but in -- let's see - ummmn - - in nine years, I've forgot your last.
HILDY: Miller. Look at me.
FRADY: Hildy Miller -- don't you know why seeing you makes me so sad?
HILDY: Of course. I don't like to be reminded either.
FRADY: Then what's the score?
HILDY: Someone wants to kill us, Frady.
CU - FRADY
He turns his head at last. He looks at her.
FRADY: Us."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was surprised at how much the story changed for me depending on the career.
As a reporter, the story seemed more plot driven; as a cop, more character driven.
Parallax View (1974)
by Lorenzo Semple, Jr.
Based on the novel by Loren Singer
*Even Roger Ebert noticed:
"A couple of years earlier, the hero of "The Parallax View" would
probably have been a cop or a private eye. But what with Woodward and
Bernstein and all, Warren Beatty plays a newspaper reporter instead."
**Ebert comments:
"Beatty, in the central role, does a fine, taut job, but the movie is so
straightforward that it doesn't ever require the superior acting he's
capable of; plot seems so much more important than character here
that it doesn't matter that this is Warren Beatty. And that's a waste,
because he doesn't need one-dimensional roles." (my emphasis)
Monday, September 25, 2017
Monday, September 18, 2017
TODAY'S 2nd NUGGET: The Seventh Seal (1957) - Formatting Myths
[Quick Summary: While he staves off dying by plays chess with Death, a
knight searches for the meaning of God's absence among the country folk
he meets.]
This is the 2nd of the two of the most infuriating truths that no one tells you:
Quest. #2: This script is in single spaced paragraphs!! Where's the formatting?! Why didn't they follow the (fill in the blank) book on formatting?!
Answer #2: Here, the script is written by and for the director.
Each line is a shot and reads easily in paragraph form.
It works for Bergman here, but may not work for everyone. (Try it yourself.)
-------------------------------------
But since I'm on my high horse, may I share some Hard Won Truths?
Q: Don't script readers care about formatting?
A: They DO NOT CARE about formatting as long as it's a good read.
Q: When do they care?
A: When YOUR writing gets in the way of THEIR reading.
Q: Doesn't bad formatting "get in the way"?
A: It's an easy way to spot the experienced vs. non-experienced, but it's not the top reason to reject your script.
Q: Wait, what?
A: Bad formatting isn't enough since it is too easily fixed. More likely, it's a deeper script problem.*
Q: What do you mean?
A: Many non-writers (and many writers) are confused by problems that just LOOK like formatting issues on the surface, ex. bad structure, bad transitions.
These all use the same tools and cues but for very different reasons and effects.
ex. Formatting - Make sure "INT. KITCHEN" is all caps, spelled correctly, right font.
ex. Transition - INT. KITCHEN needs to be scrapped for INT. HOUSE and one continuous shot of woman running in front door --> hallway --> kitchen --> back door. No individual headings, as it would disturb the building momentum.
Q: But I like formatting! What's wrong with formatting?! Wordsmithing?
A: I like them too. But if we're honest, those are the easier parts. You want to get paid for the tougher stuff.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Study and pay attention to what works (or doesn't) in other scripts.
It's the only way to master the harder skills.
The Seventh Seal (1957)
by Ingmar Bergman
Adapted from his play
*I only mention things that are within a writer's control above.
Remember that there are many things that are NOT within your control. ex. Sometimes the timing is lousy. Or five scripts enter the market together with the same concept. Or the producer lost funding.
This is the 2nd of the two of the most infuriating truths that no one tells you:
Quest. #2: This script is in single spaced paragraphs!! Where's the formatting?! Why didn't they follow the (fill in the blank) book on formatting?!
Answer #2: Here, the script is written by and for the director.
Each line is a shot and reads easily in paragraph form.
It works for Bergman here, but may not work for everyone. (Try it yourself.)
-------------------------------------
But since I'm on my high horse, may I share some Hard Won Truths?
Q: Don't script readers care about formatting?
A: They DO NOT CARE about formatting as long as it's a good read.
Q: When do they care?
A: When YOUR writing gets in the way of THEIR reading.
Q: Doesn't bad formatting "get in the way"?
A: It's an easy way to spot the experienced vs. non-experienced, but it's not the top reason to reject your script.
Q: Wait, what?
A: Bad formatting isn't enough since it is too easily fixed. More likely, it's a deeper script problem.*
Q: What do you mean?
A: Many non-writers (and many writers) are confused by problems that just LOOK like formatting issues on the surface, ex. bad structure, bad transitions.
These all use the same tools and cues but for very different reasons and effects.
ex. Formatting - Make sure "INT. KITCHEN" is all caps, spelled correctly, right font.
ex. Transition - INT. KITCHEN needs to be scrapped for INT. HOUSE and one continuous shot of woman running in front door --> hallway --> kitchen --> back door. No individual headings, as it would disturb the building momentum.
Q: But I like formatting! What's wrong with formatting?! Wordsmithing?
A: I like them too. But if we're honest, those are the easier parts. You want to get paid for the tougher stuff.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Study and pay attention to what works (or doesn't) in other scripts.
It's the only way to master the harder skills.
The Seventh Seal (1957)
by Ingmar Bergman
Adapted from his play
*I only mention things that are within a writer's control above.
Remember that there are many things that are NOT within your control. ex. Sometimes the timing is lousy. Or five scripts enter the market together with the same concept. Or the producer lost funding.
TODAY'S NUGGET: The Seventh Seal (1957) - Juggling Humor into a Serious Film
[Quick Summary: While he staves off dying by plays chess with Death, a
knight searches for the meaning of God's absence among the country folk
he meets.]
This script demonstrates two of the most infuriating truths that no one tells you:*
Quest. #1: It's about the "silence of God"? Why bother with such old fashioned film?
Answer #1: I had mixed feelings after reading this script.
First, this story doesn't have a clear cut objective to accomplish.
The Knight asks "Where is God?" and the answer is a struggle. With Death. With meaning. With day to day life. Yikes.
Second, however, this script did keep me entertained while discussing a serious topic.
What a major juggling feat! How did the writer do it?
Perhaps we could get a few insights from this recent review of another 2017 film:
Here, the Knight's search for answers to the silence of God (heavy premise) is palatable because of his travels with actors Jof and wife Mia (interesting characters), who add humor and fun.
Note below how life goes on despite Death stalking Knight (life vs death):
ex. "JOF stands in the hot sun with a flickering lantern in his hand. MIA pretends to be asleep on a bench which has been pulled forward on the stage.
JOF: Night and moonlight now prevail Here sleeps my wife so frail...
VOICE FROM THE PUBLIC: Does she snore?
JOF: May I point out that this is a tragedy, and in tragedies one doesn't snore.
VOICE FROM THE PUBLIC: I think she should snore anyhow.
This opinion causes mirth in the audience. JOF becomes slightly confused and goes out of character, but MIA keeps her head and begins snoring.
JOF: Night and moonlight now prevail. There snores - I mean sleeps - my wife so frail..."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Tone has always flummoxed me, so I'm glad to have clearer insight into how humor affects a heavy drama's tone.
The Seventh Seal (1957)
by Ingmar Bergman
Adapted from his play
* FYI: I had too much to say, so here's the first of two posts today.
This script demonstrates two of the most infuriating truths that no one tells you:*
Quest. #1: It's about the "silence of God"? Why bother with such old fashioned film?
Answer #1: I had mixed feelings after reading this script.
First, this story doesn't have a clear cut objective to accomplish.
The Knight asks "Where is God?" and the answer is a struggle. With Death. With meaning. With day to day life. Yikes.
Second, however, this script did keep me entertained while discussing a serious topic.
What a major juggling feat! How did the writer do it?
Perhaps we could get a few insights from this recent review of another 2017 film:
This is the story of a kid learning his parents aren’t perfect and all of his neighbors are violent racists. Without any humor or interesting characters to keep the film entertaining, that’s a tough premise for a movie. And it’s tonally impossible to balance. It makes “xxx” a comedy with almost no laughs and a drama with no depth. (underline mine)Hmmm....Humor or interesting characters keep the premise alive and the tone balanced. Eureka!
Here, the Knight's search for answers to the silence of God (heavy premise) is palatable because of his travels with actors Jof and wife Mia (interesting characters), who add humor and fun.
Note below how life goes on despite Death stalking Knight (life vs death):
ex. "JOF stands in the hot sun with a flickering lantern in his hand. MIA pretends to be asleep on a bench which has been pulled forward on the stage.
JOF: Night and moonlight now prevail Here sleeps my wife so frail...
VOICE FROM THE PUBLIC: Does she snore?
JOF: May I point out that this is a tragedy, and in tragedies one doesn't snore.
VOICE FROM THE PUBLIC: I think she should snore anyhow.
This opinion causes mirth in the audience. JOF becomes slightly confused and goes out of character, but MIA keeps her head and begins snoring.
JOF: Night and moonlight now prevail. There snores - I mean sleeps - my wife so frail..."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Tone has always flummoxed me, so I'm glad to have clearer insight into how humor affects a heavy drama's tone.
The Seventh Seal (1957)
by Ingmar Bergman
Adapted from his play
* FYI: I had too much to say, so here's the first of two posts today.
Monday, September 11, 2017
TODAY'S NUGGET: The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007) - An Unusual Form (Elegy)
[Quick Summary: A 19 y.o. Robert Ford can not imagine how his hero worship of suspicious and violent Jesse James could lead to tragedy.]
This script really threw me. It's odd, but I didn't know why.
In my greener days, I would've been quick to dismiss it:
CONS
- It's rather plotless for the first 50+ pgs. until it picks up pace.
- The last 30 pages seem like an epilogue gone too long.
But when faced with an unusual script, I know now to take a step back and look:
PROS
- In pgs. 55-100, there's great suspense and a dueling between Bob and Jesse.
- The purpose of the scenes is different than other scripts. It's less about plot, more an attempt to capture a feeling. Here, it's knowing that loss is coming.
I think the closest analogy is an elegy, "a mournful, melancholy poem, especially a funeral song or lament for the dead." *
Notes for the scene below:
- Prior to this, Bob has killed Jesse's cousin but is unsure how much Jesse knows. Now Jesse has come to Bob's relative's house and he baits Bob.
- This is a bittersweet moment. Bob finally gets what he's been wanting (Jesse's acceptance) but now his hero is a threat.
ex. "BOB: How come George has a grudge against you?
JESSE: Hmmm?
BOB: You said George Shepherd had a grudge against you and I've just been wondering what it was?
JESSE: Oh. George asked me to protect this nephew of his during the war and it so happens the kid had five thousand dollars on him. The kid winds up killed, and all the money swiped from him, and when George was in in prison someone whispers to him it was Jesse James slit the boy's throat.
CHARLEY: Just mean gossip, was it?
JESSE: Bob's the expert; put it to him.
BOB rises from the table like a stamping boy in a snit.
JESSE: I've make him cranky.
WILBUR snickers.
BOB: I've been through this is all. Once people get around to making fun of me, they just don't ever let up.
MARTHA: Someone's speaking awful fresh over there!
BOB is forced to walk past JESSE to get to the main room. JESSE kicks a leg across BOB'S path, clouting the floorboards with his boot. BOB glances down at his bogus grin - the suggestion of malice beneath his antics.
JESSE: I don't want you to skip off to your room and pout without knowing why I dropped by for this visit.
BOB: I suppose you're going to tell us how sorry you are that you had to slap my cousin Albert around.
Such a great heat seems to come then from JESSE'S eyes that BOB glances away as if from sunlight, but in a second the man cools and says:
JESSE: I come to ask one of you two Fords to ride with me on a journey or two. I guess we've agreed it ought to be Charley; you've been acting sort of testy.
BOB stands pale and silent. Then he steps around JESSE'S boot and calmly climbs the stairs to the upper room."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I can see why this script would be a tough sell. It's harder to grasp than a traditional narrative form.
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007)(dated 12/8/04)
by Andrew Dominik
Adapted from the novel by Ron Hansen
*"The elements of a traditional elegy mirror three stages of loss. First, there is a lament, where the speaker expresses grief and sorrow, then praise and admiration of the idealized dead, and finally consolation and solace."
This script really threw me. It's odd, but I didn't know why.
In my greener days, I would've been quick to dismiss it:
CONS
- It's rather plotless for the first 50+ pgs. until it picks up pace.
- The last 30 pages seem like an epilogue gone too long.
But when faced with an unusual script, I know now to take a step back and look:
PROS
- In pgs. 55-100, there's great suspense and a dueling between Bob and Jesse.
- The purpose of the scenes is different than other scripts. It's less about plot, more an attempt to capture a feeling. Here, it's knowing that loss is coming.
I think the closest analogy is an elegy, "a mournful, melancholy poem, especially a funeral song or lament for the dead." *
Notes for the scene below:
- Prior to this, Bob has killed Jesse's cousin but is unsure how much Jesse knows. Now Jesse has come to Bob's relative's house and he baits Bob.
- This is a bittersweet moment. Bob finally gets what he's been wanting (Jesse's acceptance) but now his hero is a threat.
ex. "BOB: How come George has a grudge against you?
JESSE: Hmmm?
BOB: You said George Shepherd had a grudge against you and I've just been wondering what it was?
JESSE: Oh. George asked me to protect this nephew of his during the war and it so happens the kid had five thousand dollars on him. The kid winds up killed, and all the money swiped from him, and when George was in in prison someone whispers to him it was Jesse James slit the boy's throat.
CHARLEY: Just mean gossip, was it?
JESSE: Bob's the expert; put it to him.
BOB rises from the table like a stamping boy in a snit.
JESSE: I've make him cranky.
WILBUR snickers.
BOB: I've been through this is all. Once people get around to making fun of me, they just don't ever let up.
MARTHA: Someone's speaking awful fresh over there!
BOB is forced to walk past JESSE to get to the main room. JESSE kicks a leg across BOB'S path, clouting the floorboards with his boot. BOB glances down at his bogus grin - the suggestion of malice beneath his antics.
JESSE: I don't want you to skip off to your room and pout without knowing why I dropped by for this visit.
BOB: I suppose you're going to tell us how sorry you are that you had to slap my cousin Albert around.
Such a great heat seems to come then from JESSE'S eyes that BOB glances away as if from sunlight, but in a second the man cools and says:
JESSE: I come to ask one of you two Fords to ride with me on a journey or two. I guess we've agreed it ought to be Charley; you've been acting sort of testy.
BOB stands pale and silent. Then he steps around JESSE'S boot and calmly climbs the stairs to the upper room."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I can see why this script would be a tough sell. It's harder to grasp than a traditional narrative form.
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007)(dated 12/8/04)
by Andrew Dominik
Adapted from the novel by Ron Hansen
*"The elements of a traditional elegy mirror three stages of loss. First, there is a lament, where the speaker expresses grief and sorrow, then praise and admiration of the idealized dead, and finally consolation and solace."
Monday, September 4, 2017
TODAY'S NUGGET: The Omen (1976) - Horror = Fear, Dread, or Dismay
[Quick Summary: After he is convinced to swap in another baby for his stillborn, an American ambassador and his wife are not prepared for the destruction that follows.]
ME: "What exactly is horror?
MYSELF: It's blood and guts.
ME: That's lazy. This script is clearly horror, i.e., scary, but WITHOUT much blood and guts. So why is it still horror?
MYSELF: How does the dictionary define it?
ME: "(n.) painful and intense fear, dread, or dismay."
MYSELF: A-ha! Now you see why used the shorthand of "blood & guts"?
In other words, rely on "fear, dread, or dismay" (not blood & guts).*
ex. "INT. LIBRARY
Thorn turning to Kathy; pleased.
KATHY: I like her.
THORN: Yes.
KATHY: Where did you find her?
THORN (taken aback): Where did I find her?
KATHY: ...Yes.
THORN: I didn't find her, I assumed you found her.
They exit.
INT. ENTRY HALL - ANGLE ON KATHY
KATHY (shouting up the stairs): Mrs. Baylock!
INT. UPSTAIRS - SAME - ANGLE ON MRS. BAYLOCK
about to open the door to the child's room.
MRS. BAYLOCK (turning): Yes?
ANGLE ON KATHY
ascending the stairs, Thorn behind her; pausing as they reach the landing.
KATHY: I'm sorry, we're a little confused.
MRS. BAYLOCK (stiffening): Why is that?
KATHY: We don't know how you got here.
MRS. BAYLOCK: By taxi. I sent it away.
KATHY: What I mean is, who 'called' you?
MRS. BAYLOCK: The agency.
KATHY: ...The agency?
MRS. BAYLOCK: They saw in the papers you'd lost your first nanny, so they sent you another.
ANGLE ON KATHY
amazed.
THORN: ...very enterprising.
KATHY: I'll call to confirm that.
MRS. BAYLOCK: That'll be fine. Here are my references.
There passes an uneasy silence: all staring dumbly at each other.
MRS. BAYLOCK: If you'll excuse me now.
KATHY (uneasy): Yes, of course.
Mrs. Baylock reaches for the door... CUT TO:
INT. THE CHILD'S ROOM - SAME
as the boy sits on the bed gazing out the window...slowly turning as he hears the door opening.
ANGLE ON THE NANNY
ENTERING; closing the door behind her, and locking it -- turning to gaze at the child. As she does, her expression transforms --her body stiffening, as though she is gazing upon something of incomparable beauty.
ANGLE ON THE CHILD
vaguely frightened.
CLOSE ANGLE ON MRS. BAYLOCK
moved.
MRS. BAYLOCK (fighting to control her voice): ...Fear not, little one. I'm here to protect Thee.
CAMERA HOLDS on her face."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: For horror, it's all about building the fear, dread, or dismay.
The Omen (1976)(dated 9/8/75)
by David Seltzer
*I once read a spec horror script that was pages of blood and gore, but failed to build any fear/dread/dismay. It was boring.
ME: "What exactly is horror?
MYSELF: It's blood and guts.
ME: That's lazy. This script is clearly horror, i.e., scary, but WITHOUT much blood and guts. So why is it still horror?
MYSELF: How does the dictionary define it?
ME: "(n.) painful and intense fear, dread, or dismay."
MYSELF: A-ha! Now you see why used the shorthand of "blood & guts"?
In other words, rely on "fear, dread, or dismay" (not blood & guts).*
ex. "INT. LIBRARY
Thorn turning to Kathy; pleased.
KATHY: I like her.
THORN: Yes.
KATHY: Where did you find her?
THORN (taken aback): Where did I find her?
KATHY: ...Yes.
THORN: I didn't find her, I assumed you found her.
They exit.
INT. ENTRY HALL - ANGLE ON KATHY
KATHY (shouting up the stairs): Mrs. Baylock!
INT. UPSTAIRS - SAME - ANGLE ON MRS. BAYLOCK
about to open the door to the child's room.
MRS. BAYLOCK (turning): Yes?
ANGLE ON KATHY
ascending the stairs, Thorn behind her; pausing as they reach the landing.
KATHY: I'm sorry, we're a little confused.
MRS. BAYLOCK (stiffening): Why is that?
KATHY: We don't know how you got here.
MRS. BAYLOCK: By taxi. I sent it away.
KATHY: What I mean is, who 'called' you?
MRS. BAYLOCK: The agency.
KATHY: ...The agency?
MRS. BAYLOCK: They saw in the papers you'd lost your first nanny, so they sent you another.
ANGLE ON KATHY
amazed.
THORN: ...very enterprising.
KATHY: I'll call to confirm that.
MRS. BAYLOCK: That'll be fine. Here are my references.
There passes an uneasy silence: all staring dumbly at each other.
MRS. BAYLOCK: If you'll excuse me now.
KATHY (uneasy): Yes, of course.
Mrs. Baylock reaches for the door... CUT TO:
INT. THE CHILD'S ROOM - SAME
as the boy sits on the bed gazing out the window...slowly turning as he hears the door opening.
ANGLE ON THE NANNY
ENTERING; closing the door behind her, and locking it -- turning to gaze at the child. As she does, her expression transforms --her body stiffening, as though she is gazing upon something of incomparable beauty.
ANGLE ON THE CHILD
vaguely frightened.
CLOSE ANGLE ON MRS. BAYLOCK
moved.
MRS. BAYLOCK (fighting to control her voice): ...Fear not, little one. I'm here to protect Thee.
CAMERA HOLDS on her face."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: For horror, it's all about building the fear, dread, or dismay.
The Omen (1976)(dated 9/8/75)
by David Seltzer
*I once read a spec horror script that was pages of blood and gore, but failed to build any fear/dread/dismay. It was boring.
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