TODAY'S NUGGET: The Day After Tomorrow (unproduced) - An Effective Use of "SAME TIME" and "CUT TO:" for Clarity, Tempo

[Quick Summary: After he spots the man who killed his father, a traumatized surgeon goes on the run to pursue the killer.]

Writers Clement and la Frenais are well-known for their humor, but I have also enjoyed their action chops. 

Today's script has great action that's easy to follow, even though there are multiple, simultaneous story arcs.  I wasn't ever lost or confused.  How did they do it? 

As I read, I noticed two helpful sets of transition words that I tend to forget to use*: 

1) Using SAME TIME - This was sort of a "hold the main arc for a minute, we're taking a side trip" reminder to me.

 2) Using "CUT TO:" - When reading at full speed, I didn't pay much attention to this.  Looking back, I do think it's very helpful as a rhythm thing, to unconsciously flag that there was going to be a switch in tempo. 

The scene below is a good example that uses both these transitions: 
- Paul was a child, when Kanarack killed Paul's father.
- Paul saw Kanarack in their house and never forgot Kanarack's face.
- Paul hires a p.i. who tracks down Kanarack and the location of his house. 
- Paul goes into Kanarack's house to find proof this is the right guy.
- Try reading this scene at full speed first.  Then re-read it, noticing that "SAME TIME" and "CUT TO" are subtle clues to changes of POV and tempo.
- Also notice that despite the multiple arcs, there is clarity because there is unity of action: Paul is trespassing in Kanarack's house. Kanarack is after Paul. Someone is shooting at them both. 

EXT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE

The Jaguar pulls up the driveway...Kanarack climbs out. Sees the broken window.

                                                                   CUT TO: 

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- CLOSET

Paul rummages in a FOOTLOCKER...Packets of MONEY in various CURRENCIES...Paul finds a plastic ENVELOPE...Opens it as he moves to the bedroom to read them in the daylight... 

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- KITCHEN

As Kanarack enters the kitchen, the cat SCURRIES OUTSIDE...Kanarack listens intently as he tiptoes inside...Slowly, quietly he opens a drawer...Finds a CHEF'S KNIFE...Knife at the ready, he tiptoes inside...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- BEDROOM

As Paul moves to access the daylight from the windows, he riffles through the DOCUMENTS in the plastic envelope...PASSPORTS with several different IDENTITIES, all with Kanarack's photo...Also DRIVER'S LICENSES...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- STAIRS

Brandishing the knife, Kanarack moves slowly up the stairs...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. BEDROOM

As Paul continues to go through the documents, something catches his eye. His brow furrows, puzzled... 

A DIPLOMATIC PASSPORT issued by the government of SYRIA, with Kanarack's photo and a phony identity...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME KANARACK'S HOUSE

POV -- THROUGH TELESCOPIC SIGHT

Following Paul through the lace curtains of the bedroom windows...A SNIPER, 20s, Palestinian, on a nearby rooftop...The CROSSHAIRS line up over Paul's HEAD...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- BEDROOM

Paul looks at the Syrian passport, thinks a beat...Glances out the window...He pulls the curtain back for a better look...

PAUL'S POV

As the CAT plays on the front lawn...

CLOSE ON -- PAUL

Wondering...How did the cat get on the front lawn... He realizes...That Kanarack is INSIDE THE HOUSE...Just as... 

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE 

...The SNIPER pulls on the trigger of his silenced .580 SNIPER'S RIFLE...PFFFFFT!...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. BEDROOM

Paul TURNS inside just as the glass SHATTERS...A floral pillow EXPLODES in feathers as the headboard of the bed behind it SPLINTERS..

Terrified, Paul THROWS himself to the floor... 

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- STAIRS

Kanarack hears the noise of the impact, the thud of Paul's body as it falls...He FREEZES on the stairs... 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When I write, these transitions seem clunky, sticking out like sore thumbs. However, when I read, they establish a tempo, so they aren't as noticeable, more like background players.

Also: unity in an action scene helps keep multiple story arcs from being confusing. 

The Day After Tomorrow (unproduced)
by  Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais

* I visualize these transitions like bowling alley gutter bumpers that keep kids' bowling balls on track (photo example here).

TODAY'S NUGGET: It Takes Two (a.k.a. Househusbands)(1988) - Don't Be Afraid of Longer Character Descriptions in a Comedy

[Quick Summary: After two complete opposites are paired up on the neighborhood watch, they have to pull together to deal with dead bodies and a drug cartel.]

I was attracted to this script because of its original title, "Househusbands."  Unfortunately, the story didn't stick with me for long afterwards.*

However, I did like how the writers characterized the characters so you'll remember them. They're descriptive and fun to read, and carry the point without forcing it.  

Most importantly, I felt something when I read them.  

For example:

1) This character seems to shout "Stay away!"

ex. "Duncan is an extremely cheap looking girl, about twenty. Her hair is ratted; clothes black leather. Lipstick the color of exposed lung-tissue. Eye makeup...not even Stephen King has the balls to write about. Lewd knuckle tattoos, mantlepiece breasts and hickeys all over her neck and chest.  Right now, she has the passenger visor down and is analyzing Dale's reflection on the clip-on mirror."

2) This character seems to have secrets beneath the surface. 

ex. "Otto almost smiles. His eighty rounds per second sense of humor working." 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Fun is key in comedies, so don't be afraid to give character descriptions more space on the page if you need it.  

I have a bad habit of short changing the descriptions, favoring utility over a fully rounded character. I need to remember that some characters just need more space.

It Takes Two (a.k.a. Househusbands)(1988)(8/16/88 1st draft)
by Thomas Szollosi and Richard Christian Matheson

*I haven't seen the finished film, but it seems to be very different than this first draft.  

TODAY'S NUGGET: Duplicity (2009) - Why Do I Believe the Chemistry (& Fireworks) Between These Characters?

[Quick Summary: Two industrial spies, who are in a secret love affair, are on opposite sides of a case.]

Tony Gilroy writes scripts that actors want to play. 

Why? One reason is because the chemistry between characters has real conflict and interesting dynamics.  I want to see how these fireworks resolve.  

For example, in the scene below: 
- Ray is being followed.
- His work buddy, Dale, is watching his back. They're on the phone together, trying to figure out  who is following Ray.
- In Grand Central Station, Ray recognizes Claire. He follows her into a store.
- Notice how FAST the writer gets us into the action. Ray blows by the usual "hi how are you" --> straight into his beef with Claire. 
- The audience sees Ray's behavior and realizes (without being told) that Ray and Claire know each other. Only someone familiar would bypass the usual greetings.
- Also: the suspense draws me in (WHY is he so mad?).
- Also: the provocative, snappy dialogue keeps me reading ("You charm me. Seduce me. Screw me.")

INT. SAKS FIFTH AVENUE -- DAY

... CLAIRE blinks. But she's a big girl. It's a public place...

CLAIRE: Look, seriously, I don't know you think I am, but wh-

RAY: You charm me. Seduce me. Screw me. Then you dope me and ransack my hotel room. (he still can't believe it) And how sick is this? Last thing I remember before I passed out whs how much I liked you.

CLAIRE: I'm sorry...I just...you don't look crazy, which is the only reason I'm not screaming for a security guard, but --

RAY: I can't believe you're going this way. 

CLAIRE: Is this...(glancing around) ...it's a joke, right?

RAY: You have any idea how far my ass was hanging out because of you?

CLAIRE: Is this? Are you selling something? What are you selling?

RAY: I got up the next morning, went back to the consulate and practically crawled over glass to get a copy of the guest list. Then I spent the next twenty-four hours trying to figure out if you were working for MOSSAD, the Syrians, or the Russians.

CLAIRE: Really...(maybe he is crazy) And who was it?

RAY: Still working for the C.I.A.? (like he nailed her) We're supposed to be on the same side, Theresa. Which was a lousy cover name for you, by the way -- you're not a THeresa. 

CLAIRE: What the hell are you talking about?

RAY: American Consulate. Dubai. You and me. Fourth of July, 2003.

CLAIRE: You are crazy (Does this ever work?)

RAY: We were drinking red, white and blue Margaritas. I had a knee brace. You had a toe ring -- first toe ring I ever saw, by the way.

CLAIRE: If you follow me, I'll scream.

And she's walking -- fast -- back the way she came -- back into the Perfume Jungle, and he's right on her ass --

...RAY: Come on... you don't want security any more than I do.

CLAIRE: You're right, I want the cops.

RAY: They're gonna want your name.

CLAIRE: Leave me alone! (wheeling on him and --)

HER PURSE -- the strap catching his arm -- tearing -- THE BAG SPILLING OPEN TO THE FLOOR and --

CLAIRE: -- look -- look what you did! --

CLAIRE dropping -- grabbing at the stuff that's spilled --

CLAIRE: --get away -- just -- you hear me? --

RAY: Oh no...

And the way he said it -- the way he looks -- something fundamental has shifted here suddenly --

RAY: You?

There -- at his feet -- her keys -- a KEYCHAIN -- a little Rubik's cube (Eight ball? Troll?) keychain and --

RAY: You? You're the drop...(pulling an identical keychain from his pocket --) I'm ...

CLAIRE: You? You're the meet? (yup) No... 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I believed the chemistry because they're both continuing to engage in the fight, trying to get what they want, even though something isn't adding up. Ray wants answers and Claire wants to avoid him. 

Duplicity (2009)(undated)
by Tony Gilroy

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Bourne Identity (2002) - In the Suspense Genre, Danger = Possibility of Failure

[Quick Summary: A man waking up with amnesia realizes that he's an assassin.] 

What is the difference between:
a) the Suspense genre and 
b) regular suspense that is found in all stories?

According to one Hitchcock quote, the Suspense genre is marked by danger, and I always find interesting in HOW various writers include it.  

For instance, writer Tony Gilroy brought fresh life to the tired suspense genre in the Bourne adaptations by making the audience feel the danger to the protagonist.

The scene below is from a first draft:
- The "Professor" is chasing Bourne and Marie. 
- Notice how your eye keeps moving because the stakes are high and there's a real possibility of failure. 
- Also notice that the tension lies in the maybes: Maybe Bourne will get caught and we'll never get answers. Or Marie will die and he'll lose connection to the world.

THE METRO PLATFORM

The PROFESSOR lands on the other side -- both racing down the platform -- PROFESSOR tearing up the wall behind them and -- HERE COMES  A TRAIN -- on BOURNE and MARIE's side -- traveling the opposite way -- temporary refuge.  Not for long -- there's no way out on this end of the platform. They skid to a halt -- just as --

THE TRAIN DOORS OPEN -- STARTLED STRAPHANGERS  stare at BOURNE and MARIE as they stop onto the platform -- take off running.

THE PROFESSOR has to turn his bike around. He's quick -- but it gives BOURNE and MARIE a two second head start.

BOURNE and MARIE almost at the other end of the platform -- gunfire ripping up the windows behind them. Gonna go for the steps -- be here come --

THE ANGRY COPS -- remember them? -- the ones who took the ride down the steps -- they're firing now and --

BOURNE and MARIE turn back -- the PROFESSOR is firing and there is only one option -- 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  What undergirds danger is the possibility of failure, which requires the push-pull of tension. 

I also think this story's frame work lends itself to suspense because it's the ultimate life or death situation, survival of the fittest. 

The Bourne Identity (2002)(9/20/00 Paris draft)
by Tony Gilroy and William Blake Herron
Based on the novel by Robert Ludlum 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Proof of Life (2000) - One Way to Express Jeopardy (Hope-Fear-Hope-Fear)

[Quick Summary: In South America, an American wife hires a negotiator to arrange for the release of her husband, an engineer who was kidnapped.]

Q: How do you make the audience feel for the protagonist in an action thriller?
A: Danger and personal stakes are well worn tropes.

Q: But I have a dangerous situation in my script and it doesn't work. Why?
A: Perhaps there isn't enough jeopardy, i.e., the possibility that the protagonist could lose.

Q: Could you give me a good example of this see-sawing feeling?
A: I think Tony Gilroy scripts do a great job of making the audience feel they're constantly on the back foot and never assured of success.

For example, today's script stacks the deck against us:
- It is set in a foreign location where language and culture are barriers.  
- A crime (kidnapping) has occurred to Alice's husband, a civil engineer.   
- Alice has no experience with terrorists.
- Her only hope is Terry is a hardened, experienced negotiator, who at one point, walks away from helping her.
- A more specific example is the scene below, which happens early in the script to start us realizing that  the margin of error is very thin in Terry's job.
- Here, Terry has just made the trade for the hostage, Lenoir.
- Notice how the hope-fear-hope-fear that doesn't let the reader off the hook easily.
- Also notice that how this scene establishes Terry's ability and credibility.

 

TERRY'S JEEP -- THE LOCAL DRIVER -- stuck in the mud -- panic making it worse - -just finding traction as TRACER ROUNDS tear into him and --

THE TWO CHECHEN TANKS searching for targets --

TERRY still coming -- waving a sidearm at THE CHOPPER PILOT -- "don't move!" -- dragging LENOIR in under the rotors -- [We are hoping Terry will succeed.]

A RUSSIAN JEEP EXPLODING behind them and --

INSIDE THE CHOPPER  -- total chaos -- LENOIR scrambling in -- THE PILOT SCREAMING IN SLAVIC -- he's freaking out -- pulling up already -- too soon because -- [Fear: Oh no! Don't go!]

TERRY hasn't cleared the threshold -- tossed back -- head slammed against the door as he falls -- rocked -- grabbing at the doorframe -- hanging there! -- nothing but instinct keeping him from falling and -- [Hope: He's hanging in there.]

THE GROUND pulling away and --

LENOIR reaching for TERRY -- trying -- but THE PILOT -- there's something wrong -- something new -- no time -- suddenly he's jerking the stick and --

THE CHOPPER spilling sharply to one side and --

TERRY falling -- falling into the cockpit and -- [Fear: Oh noooo!]

WHOOOOOSK! -- AN ANTI-TANK ROCKET -- a blur -- already on them -- already past -- they've been hit! -- creased -- A LANDING SKID torn away from the undercarriage! -- the helicopter tilting -- overreacting -- stalling -- for a moment it looks like they're beating it in and -- 

THE PILOT fighting to keep it up -- CURSING AND SPUTTERING IN SLOVAK -- LENOIR rolling on the floor in pain -- his bandaged hand crushed in the turbulence and --  [Lots more fear.  This will not end well.]

FINALLY TO

TERRY pulling himself into a window seat. He's dazed. Looking down as the earth begins to pull away. As the chopper starts to level off.   [Whew! Hope.  Leveling off is good.]

TERRY wiping at the blood from a deep cut above his eye. Wiping it away so he can see. Trying to get a grip. To focus. Something. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: For that gut wrenching feeling, discomfort and the possibility of not succeeding must reign.

Proof of Life (2000)(7/6/99 draft)
by Tony Gilroy 

TODAY'S NUGGETS: Armaggedon (1998) - Why THIS Guy?

[Quick Summary: A team of drillers are recruited to help stop an asteroid that threatens the earth.]

This story is preposterous, i.e., that a driller would end up as an astronaut.

So why THIS guy?  Why does Harry, an oil driller, need to be the protagonist?

I liked that this script is clear why: Harry is the only guy who knows how to operate the equipment, which will be required to blow up the asteroid.

The writers did a nice job of explaining this through introducing some conflict (we are now learning NASA had stolen Harry's prototype):

INT. NASA/HALLWAY -- ONE MINUTE LATER

Harry and Grace -- both in shock -- walk downstairs behind Truman, Quincy and A SMALL MILITARY ESCORT.

TRUMAN: We want to land on the asteroid, drill a hole, drop in some nukes, take off and detonate, having the pieces slide past us. Except we have an equipment problem.

QUINCY: The drilling unit is part of a lunar project we've been working on for the past three years. The recent discovery of water on the moon wa--

A DOOR. TWO ARMED GUARDS open up and step aside --

INT. NASA R&D HANGAR -- SAME TIME       OMITTED

TECHNICIANS standing beside a huge gurney. Stretched across, A LARGE ROBOTIC DRILLING ARM -- complex machinery and gears and Teflon cables. Harry's jaw tightening as he circles the thing. Harry is in shock -- .

QUINCY (nervously): You may recognize the rig...

HARRY (utterly confused): It's tough not to recognize something you spent five years designing --

QUINCY: Yes, we were planning on sending this to the moon and--

HARRY: What, you got a key to the Patent Office?

TRUMAN: Basically. You see, that's why you're here.

HARRY: What I see, is that you ripped me off and now I'm pissed.

QUINCY: We prefer the term borrowed...But actually, ostensibly, the boundaries of patent laws only apply to Earth, not outer space.

TRUMAN: Shut up, Ron.

HARRY: Are you kidding me?! I got dragged into this because you "borrowed from me" and by the say did a shit job of putting it together?

TRUMAN: So what's wrong with it? You said we'd done a bad job putting it together.  

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Introducing conflict is one way to sneak in exposition without it feeling like an information dump.

Armaggedon (1998)(8/14/97 draft)
by Jonathan Hensleigh, rev. by Tony Gilroy and JJ Abrams

TODAY'S NUGGET: Sherlock Holmes (2009) - Why "Vari-Speed" Tells Us About Character

[Quick Summary: Holmes and sidekick Dr. Watson are on the trail of an enemy that wants to destroy England.

I wasn't surprised that this script was tailored to its director Guy Ritchie, who favors cinematic techniques like swish pans, slow motion, etc.

I was surprised to see how the writers included these techniques on the page, ex. "vari-speed" in the scene below. 

I think it works because it shows the speed of Holmes' thoughts. In other words, "vari-speed" is about character, not just a cool technique. 

INT. CATHEDRAL CRYPTS - ENTRANCE - NIGHT 

 ...We see Holmes' eyes from the shadows, as he lowers his jacket and thinks through his plan of attack.

HOLMES (V.O.): Head cocked to the left, partial deafness in right ear. FIrst point of attack.

PRE-VISUALIZATION IN VARI-SPEED

FOCUS ON the spot behind the man's right ear, just at the top of the jaw -- the most vulnerable point. Holmes launches a hammer blow, and we ramp from 24 fps to 00 fps (ULTRA SLOW MOTIONS) as he makes contact. The man's head is thrown back as he spins round.

HOLMES (V.O.): Then throat, paralyze vocal chords, stop screaming.

BACK TO 24 fps. The man's mouth opens to cry out. we RAMP BACK UP TO 400 fps as his Adam's Apple is struck with a precision karate chop, strangling his scream.

HOLMES (V.O.): Stink of alcohol, heavy drinker -- knuckles to liver.

BACK TO 24 fps, RAMPING TO 400 fps as a devastating knuckle-punch to the liver doubles up the bowler-hatted thug and crumples him to his knees.

SECOND-TIME ACTION - SUPER FAST REPEAT OF ABOVE

Holmes flashes out of the shadows, moving so fast that we can barely see what he's doing.

THWACK! Hammer blow to ear.
CRACK! Karate chop to throat.
WHAP! Knuckle punch to liver.

BACK TO NORMAL MOTION as the man crumples to the ground, Holmes takes his bowler hat from his head and flips it onto his own in one super fast move.

Holmes drags the battered man into the shadows, lifts his lantern and proceeds down the spiral staircase. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Beware using a cool technique without linking it to character. One works. The other will come off flat.

Sherlock Holmes (2009)(9/29/08 draft)
by Michael Robert Johnson and Anthony Peckham and Simon Kinberg

Story by Lionel Wigram and Michael Robert Johnson

TODAY'S NUGGET: Spartacus (1960) - "What is Going on in Each Scene? What's the Most Interesting Way to Play It?"

[Quick Summary: In ancient Rome, Spartacus leads of revolt of gladiatorial slaves in a fight for freedom.]

THREE INTERESTING THINGS ABOUT THIS FILM: 

1) After Paths of Glory (1957), star Kirk Douglas teamed up again with director Stanley Kubrick on Spartacus (1960), one of the most expensive films of its time. 

2) Writer Dalton Trumbo did not like how the POV was rewritten because it shrunk his larger scale to a smaller scale (his"Two Conflicting POV" report here). 

3) Director Stanley Kubrick observed:

The making of any film, whatever the historical setting or the size of the sets, has to be approached in much the same way. You have to figure out what is going on in each scene and whats the most interesting way to play it. With Spartacus, whether a scene had hundreds of people in the background or whether it was against a wall, I thought of everything first as if there was nothing back there. Once it was rehearsed, we worked out the background.  (my bolding)

A good example of this is the death of a gladitorial slave, in the scene below:
- Marcus Crassus is a general and politician who is hungry for power.
- Crassus is with his friend Glabrus, who is getting married to Claudia.  
- They have come to the gladitorial school to purchase a private gladitorial fight, in honor of the upcoming wedding. 
- Batiatus is the owner of the gladiator school.
- Slaves were often paired off to fight each other, sometimes to the death.  
- Here, Spartacus and Draba are paired up. 
- Draba has a trident and net. He subdues Spartacus, then spares him.  
- Draba heads for the those that purchased him, as vengeance. 
- What is going on in this scene? It explains what is at stake for slaves if they do not resist and revolt. It also shows how unyielding Crassus is.
- What is the most interesting way to play it? Draba's death is very dramatic and involves the bad guy, Crassus.  In the background, the guards' actions emphasize the main action.

FULL SHOT - FIELD AND GALLERY

Draba has reached the fence. There a guard tries to intercept him. Draba skewers him and flings his body away as if scattering trash. He climbs the fence, lunges upward into the gallery and toward the box. Other guards are not closing in from all directions. As Draba leaps toward the box, the first guard gets within throwing distance. He hurls his heavy pilum at Draba. The eighteen inches of steel imbeds itself in the gladiator's ebony body, but still he plunges upward, his trident in position to throw, his eyes on his deadly enemies in the box. A second pilum finds its mark, but already Draba has groped his way almost to the box, the spears dragging from the body.

FLASH SHOT - ARENA - SPARTACUS

stupefied, staring, just extricating himself from the net.  

FLASH SHOT - THE BOX

Batiatus hides behind it. Glabrus leaps in alarm to his feet. Crassus moves not a muscle. Chill as steel, utterly fascinated by the possibilities, he watches the approach of Draba. Claudia, trying to get out o the box, stumbles, falls and SCREAMS.

ANOTHER ANGLE - INCLUDING BOX AND DRABA

Guards rushing UP on him in b.g. Draba, the two spears still sticking in his back, makes a final lunge. His hands grasp the edge of the box. His eyes glare up at the occupants, fierce and horrible and lost. Crassus, in the meanwhile, has slowly risen. Calmly, he slips a tiny bejeweled dagger from his belt. And then, as Draba's great arms reach out to seize him, he bends forward between those terrible arms (exactly as a bullfighter risks life by bending forward between the horns for the death thrust) and deftly inserts the knife into Draba's spinal cord just above the shoulder-line. Even before the knife is withdrawn, Draba is dead. The effect is instantaneous (again as in a bullfight when a member of the corrida severs the spinal counterpart of a wounded and dying bull.) The great African, like his counterpart the bull, curls convulsively into the birth position his head forward between his arms, his knees drawn upward -- but he was dead before the reflex action of death was made visible.  

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  I realized that I often skip the importance of nailing "What's going on in each scene?" because I'm more worried about "What's the most interesting way to play it?"

Spartacus (1960)(1/16/59 final draft, revised)
by Dalton Trumbo
Based on the novel by Howard Fast
 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Mindhunters (2004) - How to Make an Information Dump More Interesting to Watch (Clarity of Purpose)

[Quick Summary: After a group of FBI trainees are dropped off on a deserted island for a weekend training exercise, one of them starts killing them off, one by one.]

I thought this script did a great job of bringing the audience into the psychological game that's being played.  How did the writers do it?

They had to find a way to quickly get into the minds of the trainees, explain how they think (essentially an information dump), yet maintain a brisk pacing. 

The writers knew that the most traditional and efficient way to do this is through interviews of the trainees.  Their new addition here was using new technology.  

For example, in the scene below: 
- Harris, the FBI trainer, has brought the trainees to an isolated island for training.
- Someone has a beef with all of them. Weird things start to happen.
- Sara, one of the trainees, goes looking for information and finds a laptop with her fellow trainees' initial interviews.  
- Notice that this is an information dump, but a necessary and efficient one. 
- The interview is a tried-and-true technique, but the writers used a more modern tool here to do so (the laptop). 
- Also, Sara is seeking clues, so the interviews feel more like answers to her questions vs. telling the audience information. 

INT. THE DORM ROOMS -- MOMENTS LATER

...Sara's eyes SWING to the LAPTOP on J.D's bed.

THE SCREEN

is filled with STAR-BURSTS - a SCREEN-SAVER program.

She presses the command button. The computer comes to life.

ON THE SCREEN -- J.D. APPEARS ON VIDEO TAPE

In the middle of an INTERVIEW.

J.D. (on tape): ...If there's one thing I've learned working for the Bureau, there's always a cause and effect. Even in the sickest criminal mind.

HARRIS (V.O.)(on tape): But do you want to crawl into that kind of mind?

ANGLE THE GROUP

as they stare at the laptop - dumbfounded.

J.D. (on tape): Do I want to? No. But will I? Yes.

ANGLE THE LAPTOP -- AS THE SCREEN

turns to SNOW

and ANOTHER INTERVIEW blinks on.

BOBBY (on tape): I'd be walking, just minding my own business, and a squad car would pull over. I used to carry a photo ID just to prove I lived in the neighborhood.

HARRIS (V.O.): Why Behavioral Science?

BOBBY (on tape): You're the best...

TIGHT ON BOBBY

BOBBY: That's my psych-eval interview...

ANGLE THE LAPTOP --

SNOW again...

ANOTHER INTERVIEW blinks on.

NICOLE (on tape): I was 11 years-old. I came home from school and mom was unconscious . The police took him away. It's the first time I remember feeling safe. We never heard from dad again...

ANOTHER ANGLE - LUCAS

LUCAS (on tape): I left medical school to join the Bureau because I thought I could be more effective on the front lines. (beat) What can I say? I'm an adrenaline junkie.

ANGLE - RAMON 

RAMON (on tape): Once I got a taste of homicide, there was no turning back. There's not a helluva lot more satisfying than seeing a killer brought to justice.

ANGLE - VINCE

VINCE (on tape): I was that kid. The one who knew everything there is to know about serial killers. I've always wanted to be a mindhunter. The accident hasn't changed that.

ANGLE - SARA

SARA (on tape): Her killer sent me letters from different mailing services for a year after we found the body. Told me everything he did to her. (beat) Every single thing.

TIGHT ON SARA

flushing crimson...

AND THE SCREEN FREEZES. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I didn't particularly notice the information dump about other characters here because the scene had real clarity of purpose.  

That is, Sara was seeking answers, so watching her register new information was more interesting to watch than if I was told it.

Also, the laptop was cool updated tech to use in a film, but it didn't replace knowing the fundamentals of drama (re: how to convey information through interviews).

Mindhunters (2004)(12/17/00 revised draft)
by Wayne Kramer, revisions by Kevin Brodbin, Kario Salem

2026 OSCARS: Frankenstein (2025) - Guillermo del Toro Explains the Elements of Horror (Plus an Example)

[Quick Summary: Victor Frankenstein creates a monster that becomes his undoing.]

PRO: This is the film that Guillermo del Toro has wanted to make for decades.

CON: This script is too long.

PRO: The film has garnered 9 Oscar nominations.  

CON: Its budget from Netflix was a whopping $120M, with only $144,496 gross (one territory). However, grosses don't seem important to this streamer. 

PRO: I tend to avoid horror, but was intrigued by Guiellermo del Toro's explanation of the genre:

"The essence of horror - the two, and only two, things that create horror: something that is there and should not [be], or something that should not be there and is there." 

An example of one of these elements is in the scene below:
- Dr. Frankenstein has created the Creature. 
- Frankenstein fell for brother's fiancee, Elizabeth, who was kind to Creature.
- Frankenstein is enraged that she'd choose Creature over him.
- The Creature fights with Frankenstein, then releases him. 
- Frankenstein hunts the Creature into the North Pole.
- Note that the Creature takes up the dynamite voluntarily.  We expect him to die, but when he does not, it's horrifying ("something that should not be there and is there").

EXT. INT ESPLANADE - NIGHT

... The Creature sinks the Knife into Victor's SHOULDER - THUNK!

The Creature fetches the dynamite. Victor pulls the knife out - bleeding.

CREATURE (CONT'D): You - put your faith in this? This?! (beat) But if it does not, I will come for you - again! And make you regret it. (Beat) Light it... Light it!!!

Victor obeys. Trembling and covered in blood.

The Creature embraces the dynamite as if it was a baby - a prize - a cherished possession: tight upon his chest. 

Victor crawls away and then gets up - limps away. Arm dislocated and bleeding, artificial limb almost entirely loose.

 The Creature is engulfed by the EXPLOSION. A CRATER forms.

But - when the smoke clears: The Creature rises again: ONE EYE SOCKET is empty - His chest, jagged with wounds- 

One of his hands with EXPOSED knuckles points at Victor: 

CREATURE (CONT'D): Now- run- 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  Though I don't really like horror, I found del Toro's explanation helpful in writing suspense, i.e., when something isn't as we expect, it's frightening.

Frankenstein (2025)(Sept. 2024, final shooting script)
by Guillermo del Toro
Based on the novel by Mary Shelley 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Master and Commander: Far Side of the World (2003) - Classy Exposition About Motive & Stakes in Dialogue

[Quick Summary: During the Napoleonic wars, a brash British captain pursues a French pirating war vessel around South America.]

Capt. Jack Aubrey's mood is heavy. He's been unable to capture the enemy ship, and has just lost one of his best men overboard in the pursuit.

Why not give up? Why continue?

Motives and stakes are often explained in exposition, but I thought this scene below did it in a classy way that doesn't feel forced:

[Note: Dr. Stephen is his best friend on the ship.]

THE GREAT CABIN - NIGHT

STEPHEN: Don't you feel chasing this heavier, faster ship, with its long guns, smack of pride 'which goeth before destruction'?

JACK: It's not pride nor anything like it, it's a question of duty.

STEPHEN: 'Duty', aah...I believe I've heard it well spoken of.

JACK: You can be as 'satiric' as you like, but I have a duty to the officers and foremast jacks who've brought the barkey thus far - how do you think they'd feel if I turned around and went home?

STEPHEN: They would obey you.

JACK: I'll not go home having failed. There have been too many failures. I'll not be one of them.

STEPHEN: Then it is pride.

JACK: Do you know what occupies me night and day? How to take him when I catch up with him. I nearly lost my ship once. There won't be a second chance. If that's pride, so be it. To me it's simply my job. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked how this dialogue communicated something more that the words spoken, like his angst, and also the urgency of the mission.

Master and Commander: Far Side of the World (August, 2001 draft, revised)
by Peter Weir & John Collee
Based on the Aubrey/Maturin novels by Patrick O'Brian

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Limey (1999) - Do You Know How (& More Importantly, WHEN) to Use the "Flash Cut"?

[Quick Summary: An unpredictable English ex-con comes to L.A. to kill the man whom the con thinks killed his daughter.]

I like to see how other writers use literary devices because knowing about a tool isn't the same as knowing how (and more importantly, when) to use it.  

For example, in today's script, writer Lem Dobbs uses the "flash cut" as a device to peer into a character's present thinking (i.e., subjective mental state).*

A good example is the scene below:
- Wilson is a criminal who has an estranged daughter Jenny.
- Jenny left the UK and moved to California and died.
- Jenny's boyfriend at the time was Valentine.
- Wilson thinks Valentine killed Jenny but doesn't know why yet.
- Valentine is now living with Adhara. This scene occurs at their home when a party is about to begin. 
- All these flash cuts are from Wilson's POV. Nothing has happened yet. 
- Note how it gives the audience a SUBJECTIVE feel what Wilson is thinking.

INT. HOUSE

Valentine turns to greet Adhara who's come downstairs looking great.

ADHARA: Gee, for someone who doesn't like buffets...

VALENTINE: Do you see me eating? 

FLASH CUT:

WILSON, walking toward Valentine. Something in his face says violence is imminent.

VALENTINE glad handing more guests.   

WILSON

watching.

FLASH CUT:

WILSON. Again, walking toward Valentine. This time his hand reaches into his jacket. For the gun.

WILSON

hands Ed his drink.  

ED: Where you going?

Wilson says nothing. Starts to move inside the house.

ED: You're not gonna do nothin' in front of all these people...

FLASH CUT:

WILSON. Getting closer to Valentine.

VALENTINE. Oblivious.

WILSON. Closer. The hand is coming out. With the gun.

WILSON

Part of the way across the living room. Wearing the same expression we saw int he first flas cut: violence.

VALENTINE

chatting away.

WILSON

closer.  

FLASH CUT:

WILSON. Just a couple of feet away. Gun out.

VALENTINE. Sensing trouble. Turning toward Wilson...

WILSON

still moving through the crowd, getting closer. Hand reaching into his jacket.

VALENTINE

smiling, talking.  

FLASH CUT: 

WILSON. Five feet away. Gun extended now. 

VALENTINE. Facing the barrel. About to die.

WILSON. Closer still. The crowd seems to be getting thicker. Hand still in his jacket. 

VALENTINE. Still doesn't know what's coming.

 WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The writer used the "flash cut" judiciously.  Its purpose is psychological, to create a mood, and not simply to dump information.  

The Limey (1999)(9/17/98 draft w/revisions)
by Lem Dobbs 

* This is an unusual purpose than other flashes of time:

- the "flash back" which takes the audience back into the character's subjective memory, or
- the "flash forward" which  is most often used to show objectively what will happen in the future.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Tango & Cash (1989) - One Key to Make an Action Film Memorable

[Quick Summary: Two headstrong cops have to work together to figure out which drug lord has framed them for murder.] 

Q: I'm writing an awesome action script, with three awesome set pieces. Why do I keep getting the note "flat characters"? Who cares?
A: Audiences may like set pieces, but they'll really come back for the characters.  

Q: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that thing called "three dimensional characters." What is that? 
A: I think it's showing glimpses of what's inside the character, how he thinks or reacts, that makes people interesting to watch. 

Q:  In the middle of the action?! Won't that slow down the action?!
A:  Yes, but it's your job to make those character beats so interesting (and deeper) that the audience won't mind a breather outside the action.

For example, in the scene below from today's script: 
- Tango is the cool cop. Cash is fairly messy. It's not a smooth partnership yet.
- Cash has just met Kiki rehearsing at a club. They go to her apartment.
- Cash doesn't know Kiki is his new partner Tango's sister. 
- This scene gives us a glimpse of Cash's personal life, but it also shows us that's he's also quite persuasive and an improviser away from the job.
- I liked how this character beat was amusing and different from the cop stuff, but still had the same tone of "man on a mission."
- My thoughts are in [ ] below. 

INT. KITCHEN

Cash pulls open cabinets...Stuff like yeast fiber and alfalfa germ. He grabs one promising looking bag and rips it open. Puts a handful in his mouth. He grimaces. It's like eating seasoned cardboard. Opens up the refrigerator and tosses the bag in, pulls out some eggs, a jar full of unidentifiable sauce and a bunch of vegetables.

CASH (calling out to Kiki): I'll make us a Spanish omelet.

He dumps the ingredients on the stove and rifles through another cabinet...An ear-shattering RACKET of POTS and PANS. He comes out with a frying pan. Throws it on the stove and hits the flame.

CASH: Butter...butter...butter...

He goes to the refrigerator and pulls out a whole stick of butter and tosses it in the pan. it immediately SIZZLES and starts to smoke. He breaks the eggs on the side of the pan, about half a dozen of them, and throws the shells in the sink. He dumps in the sauce, crushes up the vegetables and tosses them in as well.

Then he stirs the mixture vigorously with a carrot.

Kiki enters. She's wearing a Japanese robe. Her hair up on her head. She looks more gorgeous every time we see her.

Something CRUNCHES beneath her feet.

KIKI: Why is there turkey stuffing all over the floor?

CASH: Oh, is that what that was. I always make mine fresh. [He thinks quickly on his feet here, which is in line with the cop action scenes.]

She takes a peek into the pan.

KIKI: I thought you were making a Spanish omelet. Why did you put spaghetti sauce in it?

CASH: That's the problem with most people. They get hung up in the technical aspects of cooking. I'm very creative in the kitchen. See, I use a carrot for a spoon. Cuts down on cleanup.

He takes a bit out of the carrot and stirs some more.

CASH: Very organic. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Spend time on character beats like the scene above. It's not that important to the action plot, but it deepens our interest in the characters.

This scene not only shows us how Cash thinks and acts in his down time ("more 3-D"), but also spikes the dynamic (suspense) between Cash and Tango through character.  I couldn't wait until Tango found out about his sister and Cash! 

Tango & Cash (1989)(5/30/89 draft)
by Randy Feldman

TODAY'S NUGGET: National Treasure (2004) - What Sets Apart the Escalation in This Blockbuster Action Film

[Quick Summary: A historian treasure hunter races against mercenaries who are also looking for the lost Templar treasure.]

In my hunt for more scripts written by E. Max Frye,* I was surprised to find this action blockbuster among his more intimate, character driven films.

However, what sets this film apart from a lot of action adventures is that the big set pieces still feel intimate, in part because they're driven by characters.** 

Consider the escalation scene below:
- Ben Gates, the protagonist, has convinced Ian, a financier, to fund him for the last 7 months. At heart, he's a historian.
- Riley is Ben's compatriot and researcher.
- Ian only wants the treasure to make himself famous.
- Ben, Riley, Ian have traveled to the Arctic to board a 200 y.o. sunken frigate.
- Inside, they found a pipe with a riddle, which they solved.
- The riddle points to the existence of a treasure map, but it's on the back of the Declaration of Independence. 
- Ben refuses to steal the Declaration of Independence. 
- Ian pulls out a gun and demands to know all Ben knows about the riddle.
- I liked this good vs. bad guy action scene because it shows creativity in the snowball effect. 
- When Ian threatens, Ben turns the tables with a lighter --> light goes out --> gunshots --> gas lamp hit & explodes --> Fire!
- Notice how the scene begins with character, i.e., a stand-off, and the escalating action is an extension of the tension between them. 

INT. SHIP, CAPTAIN'S CABIN - CONTINUOUS 

...Ian turns his gun on Riley instead.

IAN: Tell me, or I shoot Riley.

RILEY: Wait! How do you know I don't know something else about the riddle?!

Ben and Ian can't help but just give Riley a look, then Ian pulls the trigger...BLAM!

Riley flinches as the glass porthole in the wall just behind him shatters. The old ship GROANS.

RILEY (CONT'D): Shit. Come on, Ben. Tell him what he doesn't know.

BEN: Okay...

Ben comes up with HIS LIGHTER and flicks it on.

BEN (CONT'D): ...for one thing, the whole room below us is full of gunpowder.

Ben holds the flame over the trap door in the floor. 

BEN (CONT'D): You shoot anyone, I drop this, and none of us gets out of here alive.

Ian eyes the flame. Ben eyes the gun. A tense stand-off.

RILEY (incredulous): Whoa-whoa-whoa! How did we all go from wildly rich to dead in a matter of minutes? Let's think here.

Just then, the FLAME FLICKERS AND GOES OUT. Ian shrugs.

On reflex, Ben tackles Riley and hurls them both to the ground behind the desk as...

Ian OPENS fire on them...BLAM-BLAM-BLAM-BLAM-BLAM!

Bullets CHEW UP the desk and walls. 

One bullet takes out the GAS LANTERN. It explodes with an OIL FIRE, instantly setting the desk ablaze. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Why is it important to start with character before escalating the action? Because the subsequent set piece/action/fights now have meaning. 

National Treasure (2004)(4/9/03 draft)
by Jim Kouf, Cormac & Marianne Wibberley
Previous drafts by Jim Kouf, E. Max Frye, Jon Turteltaub

*I'm attempting to read as many E. Max Frye scripts as possible (even ones he's rewritten, like this one). 

**I would argue that this is a trademark combination in the films produced by producer Jerry Bruckheimer.  

TODAY'S NUGGET: Where the Money Is (2000) - Woman as Aggressor

[Quick Summary: After discovering her patient has faked his symptoms in order to be transferred from prison, a nurse provokes him into robbing banks again to escape her boring life.]

Writer E. Max Frye's writing has a distinctive voice* that lends itself to suspense.  

His characters who are willing to go to extremes to get what they want.  If they do not know what they want, they're willing to cause chaos to find out.

The latter is the case with his scripts from last week and this week.  The emotionally starved women are searching for thrills and become the aggressor to find it.

For example, in the scene below:
- The protagonist, Carol, is a nurse in a nursing home.
- She's never traveled or done much in life.
- She married Wayne out of high school. They have a steady, but predictable, relationship.
- The highlight of their lives was winning high school prom.
- Her newest patient, Henry, is a bank robber who was recently transferred from prison.
- Henry has fooled everyone by pretending he's suffered a stroke. 
- Carol is the only one who suspects that Henry is faking it.  
- Henry is mute for the first 23 pgs., until the scene below.
- Carol thinks Henry has what she wants (notoriety, really LIVED, known for something) and is the key to getting it for herself.
- Notice how far she's willing to push to get a reaction. Though dysfunctional, she's so blinded by desperation to feel some excitement, she doesn't care. 

EXT. RIVER - LATE AFTERNOON 

Carol clenches her jaw, gets up and kneels beside Henry.

CAROL: Mr. Manning I know you hear me. I know you see me. I'm not gonna hurt you. You can trust me. I want to be your friend.

She reaches out, touches his cheek. He's blank.

WAYNE: Carol...

She pulls out her lighter, holds the flame under his hand. Nothing.

WAYNE: Carol! What the hell you think you're doinl!

He jumps up, grabs the lighter from her.

WAYNE: We're supposed to be havin' a picnic not a freakin' barbecue!

He pockets the lighter. Carol looks at Henry. 

CAROL: All right, damn you.

She grabs the wheelchair, begins pushing it toward the boat ramp.

WAYNE: Carol, don't do nothin' stupid!

But it's too late. She breaks into a run, pushes the wheelchair faster until they reach the sloping pavement of the boat ramp.

WAYNE: Oh, my God!

She lets it go. It races toward the river: SPLASH! Henry quickly disappears beneath the surface.

WAYNE: You'll drown him! We got to get him out of there!

CAROL: No!

She grabs him as he races past. They struggle...then stop as Henry suddenly rises up out of the water like Poseidon. 

They watch him drag himself ashore. He wipes the water from his face, spits.

HENRY: Gimme a cigarette. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: It's the refusal (or not knowing how) to deal with their emotional starvation that results in the lashing out and dysfunction.**

Where the Money Is (2000)(1/8/96 revised)
by E. Max Frye  

*I thought his quote on IMDB was very insightful:

I was lucky. I was thirty by the time Something Wild (1986) came along, so I pretty much already had my voice. I avoided the pitfalls of the rewrite business, and I moved back as soon as I could to New York and continued to write spec scripts. But I've taught film at NYU enough that I see promising screenwriters take the three-picture deal with Disney, and they just disappear after two years of intense grinding and studio manipulation, notes, and people kicking the shit out of them. Before they know what's going on, they have no voice left - if they ever had one to begin with. Or their nascent kind of voice that attracted the studios and producers in the first place gets stomped right out of them.

**Lest you think this type of character may seem unrealistic and too theatrical, I recently experienced the blowback of dealing with one in real life and the "I want what I want" stonewalling was very real.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Long Kiss Goodnight (1996) - Visceral Reactions That Lend Action Packed Energy on the Page

[Quick Summary: When a married schoolteacher with amnesia appears on tv, she is outed as a counter-assassin and becomes a target of former colleagues.]

TWO THOUGHTS:

1)  FEMALE ACTION STAR & THE BOX OFFICE. To me, it's important to understand the box office, so as to be aware of what audiences are paying to see. 

Today's script about a "girl-with-the-gun" struggled at the 1996 box office.  Interestingly, not much has changed, even as of this weekend.*  

2) ENERGY ON THE PAGE. I do admire Shane Black trying a female led action film at the height of his popularity.

He has a knack for conveying energy on the page, which is often difficult to do.  

Here, I like how the protagonist experiences visceral reactions that motivates her into frenzied action. 

For example, in the scene below: 
- The protagonist has lost her memory and is calling herself Samantha, though her real name is Charly.
- She is stretched out on a water wheel that's fed by cold river water.
- The bad guys are torturing her to see if she's really an amnesiac.
- I like that the energy comes from the character's emotions.
- One source is from confusion.  Samantha does not know her violent past. 
- Another source is from anger, from being wronged.  She has no idea why she's being tortured and this type of survival vengeance is particularly vicious and unstable. 

INT. BASEMENT OF OLD MILL - THE PRESENT

... UNDER THE WATER - HELL - SAME

Here we are again, in the world of silence and blinding PAIN. Despair and madness but now there's something else -- Now there's RAGE.  [The primary motivators are confusion, anger.]

It takes losing most of the FLESH from her right wrist... But she frees the hand. WRENCHES it loose. The water turns soupy red around it. GROPES, blindly. Fingers NUMB, so fucking cold -- Breath, running out. No air. NO TIME. [Her physical struggles to free herself are like her mental struggles to make sense of this weird situation.]

She darts her right hand forward. Toward the obscenely bobbing CORPSE of Nathan. Does something grotesque, jams her hand DOWN THE CORPSE'S PANTS -- [I like that she's a thinking protagonist & remembers what Nathan had said earlier.]

Hideaway gun, it's right where he said, right beside Mr. Wally. PSP-25 Semi-auto, steel jackets. She waits. Rage inside her. Death in her hands.

MEANWHILE, BACK ON THE SURFACE

The wheel CREAKS. Groans. The terrorist in the western boots watches her emerge, face first -- She comes up firing. [This is a great image, but also metaphorical.]

The first slug takes him in the knee. Blows it to scraps. He collapses, howling. She shifts aim. THE RED BUTTON. No hesitation. BLAM-! Hits it DEAD ON. Stops the wheel. Incredible.

Doesn't blink. Unties her captive hand. BLOWS TO SPLINTERS the wood surrounding her feet. Leaps to solid ground as 

ANOTHER ANGLE

Daedalus looks up from his prone position. In agony. A vision from Hell approaches: A fiendish blue-skinned woman in a sodden nightgown. Blood leaking from one wrist. She has rise, REBORN, from the icy waters.

DAEDALUS: Samantha... Please..!

CHARLY: Who's Samantha? [She's still angry, but also learning more about herself.]

She shoots him in the other knee. He HOWLS. Gun, empty. She tosses it aside. In a nearby crate: ASSAULT RIFLES. Snatches up a Kalashnikov and clip. Kneels and says:

CHARLY: You see it in the movies, badguy says, "Talk to me and I'll let you live." We're gonna run a variation, it goes like this: Take to me..? I'll let you die. 

She fires again. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  I liked that the emotions led the action, and that they aren't put on hold during a fight. It's messy both physically and mentally as her memories surface.

The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)(2/24/95 revised draft)
by Shane Black

* This weekend, another female led action film was released,  From the World of John Wick: Ballerina (2025).

As of yesterday, Deadline stated that the film made $25M, on a reported budget of $90M, and went on to speculate the reasons why:

"There's also the sense that many have already seen these girl-with-the-gun movies before, and there are plenty of copycats on streaming (i.e. Charlize Theron's The Old Guard, Gal Gadot's Heart of Stone, Jennifer Lopez's The Mother) - so why rush out? But this one is through the lense of John Wick, and ya know, stunts! But you can't just swap out our favorite puppy-loving, gun-toting surfer dude for a female lead, and that's potentially why more of the Wick-faithful aren't going."

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Last Boy Scout (1991) - Varying the Amounts of Suspense + Surprise in Escalating Stakes

[Quick Summary: After a hooker dies in front of her boyfriend and the p.i. she hired for protection, the two men uncover a political conspiracy while finding her killer.]

TWO THOUGHTS:

1)  MISOGYNISTIC? Critics have called this film misogynistic (example here). On the page, I didn't particularly think so, but I can see how the overall film could be. 

2)  ESCALATING STAKES.  Writer Shane Black is well known for his action scripts.  One of the keys is that the stakes escalate in unpredictable ways. 

Also, the combination of suspense (ex. we know the dynamite is going to explode) and surprise (ex. explosion has unexpected consequences) isn't formulaic.  

For example, in the scene below: 
- Hallenbeck is the p.i.  Jimmy is the victim's boyfriend. 
- They found dynamite on the victim's car. 
- Hallenbeck takes the dynamite as evidence and moves it to his trunk. 
- Suddenly, two thugs hold them up their car keys.
- Notice that the mixture of suspense and surprise seems to build organically, which adds to the thrill. 
- Note: Though the slugline only says "interior", the action soon spills into the exterior parking lot.

INT.  HALLENBECK'S PLYMOUTH - NIGHT

...Hallenbeck smiles. Calmly turns and throws the keys as far as he can. They land off in the woods.

HALLENBECK: Oops. Don't know my own strength.

TALL MAN: You dumb bastard, you're going to pay for that. Jake, open the trunk.

Jake steps forward, raises the Beretta to shoot open the lock. Hallenbeck tenses, waiting. Looks to a sloping hillside off to his left. Jake FIRES at the lock. The BULLET BLOWS THROUGH the TRUNK -- and HITS three live sticks of DYNAMITE.  [I like that the action here is not telegraphed early.  Jake raises his gun, but he might change his mind --> Hallenbeck reacts, waits --> Jake fires --> bullet hits --> dynamite.]

Joe is already throwing himself and Jimmy down the hillside as the night lights up like a sunburst. The trunk lid is blown fifty feet in the air.

Glass sprays in every direction... Jimmy and Joe careen down the hillside like rag puppets. Lurch to a stop at the bottom. Bruised. Bloody. [We expect the scene to end here, maybe with a quip.]

Side by side, sucking wind -- until a noise intrudes, the sound of CRUMPLING METAL... getting LOUDER. They look up -- and there's the flaming car tumbling end over end down the hill, toward them. [Instead, there is an unexpected surprise of a falling car. It's like "out of the pan, into the fire."]

JIMMY: Son of a bitch!

They dive aside just in time as the car plows past them and slams to a stop against a tree. Burns. Jimmy looks at Joe. Joe looks at Jimmy. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked the combination of 3/4 suspense and 1/4 surprise because: 
a) it's purely about escalating stakes, and 
b) the emotion feels genuine, uncalculated, and not following a set formula.

The Last Boy Scout (1991)(2/25/91 with additional revisions)
by Shane Black
Story by Shane Black and Greg Hicks

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Jewel of the Nile (1985) - Perfectly Timed Dialogue and Action (Stakes, Hope-Fear in Romance)

[Quick Summary: A sequel to Romancing the Stone. After an ambitious African politician kidnaps writer Joan Wilder to write his life's story, the selfish Jack Coulter races to her rescue.] 

I agreed with critic Roger Ebert that this story was good, but it lacked romance:

But the original contract specified a sequel, and it’s to everybody’s credit that “The Jewel of the Nile” is an ambitious and elaborate attempt to repeat the success of the first movie; it’s not just a ripoff. Even so, it lacks some of the pleasures of “Romancing,” especially the development of the romance between Douglas and Turner.

He went on to praise the mechanism of his favorite scene in a rat pit*  

I couldn't find that scene in this draft, but found a similar one in which the emotional and physical beats fall like clockwork (below):
- Joan, Jack, and the Jewel have arrived at a village.
- The Chief will let them pass if they pay the $1M toll.
- Pay attention to the rhythm of the scene.
- Notice the hope-fear-hope-fear pattern winds up the tension.

EXT. NUBIAN VILLAGE

...The CHIEF talks aside with the Jewel.

JEWEL: You don't have to pay it. ... Instead he will take Joan for one hour. [Fear. Emotional stakes are high here.]

Jack stops dancing. Looks at Joan.

JOAN: He's kidding. [Hope. She tries to dispel the fear.]

JEWEL: Just one hour. [Fear.]

JACK (teasing): Well Joan, now you can do something serious. Something that really matters. (to the Chief) Go ahead. 

The NUBIANS laugh as Jack offers the CHIEF Joan's hand. All one big joke. Until the CHIEF starts pulling her into his hut.

JACK: OK...fun's fun...hey, that's it. [Fear.]

Now Jack grabs the CHIEF. Wrong move. He's immediately seized by six young toughs. Joan becomes scared. The Chief talks roughly.

JEWEL (translating): He wants to know if you are married? [Emotional stakes.]

JOAN: No.

JEWEL (translating): Any babies? [Higher emotional stakes.]

JACK: No. ...look, what's the difference?

The CHIEF now pushes Jack in the chest. [Physical move that raises stakes.]

JEWEL: Then decide. Either he takes Joan for an hour...

JACK: Or...?

JEWEL: You will lose your leg.  [Fear.]

A terribly OBESE NUBIAN steps forward with a broad AXE on a long handle. The other young toughs stretch out one of Jack's legs. Tension is unbearable. They realize the CHIEF is serious.

JOAN: Jack...I ...I have to. [Rising emotional stakes.]

JACK (straining against their holds): NO!! I forbid you.

JOAN: You can't.

JACK (screams for all he's worth):  NOOOO!!! [Highest tension, stakes.]

The CHIEF looks at Joan.  A wave of his hand and the OBESE NUBIAN raises his axe. Joan turns to the CHIEF. Touches her chest.

JOAN: Yes. Now. 

JACK (half-crazed) Cut the leg. (at the Chief) DAMN IT! CUT OFF MY GODDAMNED LEG!! [FEAR! PEAK OF FEAR!]

JEWEL: That is your decisions?

JACK (really scared): Yes...

JOAN: Jack...

ON THE AXE

High in the air. A beat, then down it comes. BAM! Into the dirt next to Jack. A great CHEER goes up among the Nubians. They start to dance in simple, sweet ecstacy.

JACK - BEING BEAR-HUGGED BY THE CHIEF

ready to faint, looks to Joan, then to the Jewel.

JEWEL (translating): We are free to go no.   ... The Nubians are hopeless romantics. Some tribes enjoy tests of strength. ...They like to test love. [Funny release of tension.]

JACK AND JOAN 

are hoisted on shoulders and carried around the village.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: One key to escalating stakes is the pendulum of emotions swinging from hope to fear.  Don't be afraid to swing widely.

The Jewel of the Nile (1985)(1st draft)
by Mark Rosenthal & Lawrence Konner

* Ebert wrote: 

...My favorite moment between them comes as they hang by their hands over a rat pit, while acid gnaws away at the ropes that suspend them above certain doom. Sure, this scene owes something to “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” But what’s new about it this time is the dialogue – the way they break down and confess that they love each other, and make marriage plans as death inexorably approaches. And then, when DeVito appears and might possibly save them, there is some business with a ladder that is followed by dialogue so perfectly timed that I laughed not so much in amusement as in delight at how well the mechanisms of the scene fell together. (my underline)

TODAY'S NUGGET: Wrongfully Accused (1998) - A Clever, Spoof Comedy with a Double Take Sight Gag

[Quick Summary: A wrongfully accused man must track down the one-eyed, one-armed, and one-legged man to clear his name.]

Q: What do you think are the best films in the genre?
A: Airplane (1980) and Naked Gun (1988), which star one of the best spoof comedy actors ever, Leslie Nielsen.  (He also stars in today's featured script.)

Q: Spoof comedies are hard to write.  Why didn't you like this one?
A: Around this time, the genre seemed to be running out of new ideas.  

Q: What do you like to see in a spoof comedy?
A: When the story goes off on unexpected tangents.  Or showing something you think you know --> springing a surprise --> which makes you do a double take.

ex.  Today's script does have a great double take sight gag:
- Our hero, Ryan Jack Harrison is at a bait shop, on the run.
- He sees a 'wanted' poster of his own face.
- He draws "big, Buddy Holly glasses, a long ZZ Top beard, and blacks out a few teeth" on the poster.  We immediately ask ourselves, "How is this going to help?!
- The bait shop owner is Roman.
- I love this scene because it's a rare to have a double take WITHIN a sight gag.

INT. "ROMAN'S" - DAY

...[Ryan]starts to leave. Roman pulls a gun.

ROMAN: Don't move, Harrison!

Ryan is about to raise his hands when Roman pushes him aside. Roman's gun is trained on:

ANGLE - MAN

Big Buddy Holly glasses, long ZZ Top beard, and a few blacked out teeth. He looks exactly like Ryan's alterations on the poster.

ANGLE - RYAN

Quietly exits.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked that this sight gag was so simple.  I expected Roman to go after Ryan, but instead, Roman went after "Ryan."

Wrongfully Accused (1998)(4/11/97 revised)
by Pat Proft

TODAY'S NUGGET: Action Jackson (1988) - An Infallible Protagonist is NOT a Shortcut to a Heroic Hero

[Quick Summary: A demoted Detroit police sergeant (but Harvard law grad!) pursues an auto manufacturer who is systematically killing off union leaders.]  

I'd never heard of this film and was curious about it because:
1) of the title; and
2) it starred Carl Weathers in 1988 (a few years after Rocky and Predator).

It was not a well reviewed film* and I can see why:
- lots of loose ends
- dialogue that tells the plot
- the protagonist is unrealistically infallible: a Harvard law grad turned police sergeant rarely has doubts or makes mistakes.

I can see why Weathers signed on.  There is a LOT of action. However, the lack of character development makes the story just okay.

I do wish there were more emotionally tense setup-payoff scenes like the one below:
- Mr. Delaplane is receiving the Man of the Year award.
- Jackson put his son in jail.
- I liked the unexpected surprise of this scene, i.e., Jackson makes a wrong assumption about Delaplane's wife, and she gets the upper hand.
- I also liked how Jackson makes a mistake.  When he's invulnerable, it's boring.

INT. HYATT BALLROOM - NIGHT

...The blonde notices that Jacking is eating, and casually moves closer to his side without a hint of flirtation.

BLONDE: You can hardly hear what he's saying back here.

JACKSON: I know. Best seat in the house.

BLONDE: I take it you're not a friend of Mr. Delaplane.

JACKSON: Not unless they've changed the definition. What's he saying anyway?

BLONDE: Something about how he earned his money the old fashioned way.

JACKSON: That's right. He married it.

She gives him a look of genuine surprise.

BLONDE: You really think so?

Delaplane seems to be wrapping up his acceptance speech.

DELAPLANE: And they say that behind every man is a woman. I wish I could say that mine is behind me, but perhaps she will be in a moment. Patrice?

BLONDE (smiling): I bet I can make you change your mind.

She leaves Jackson and walks the length of the auditorium to join Delaplane at the podium.

DELAPLANE: Ladies and gentlemen, my bride, Patrice Delaplane.

The crowd APPLAUDS, and Jackson stares in shock at the happy couple.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This protagonist was set up to be heroic.  He's a law grad (smart), a good cop (dedicated), infallible. This isn't heroic (or very interesting).

Heroism requires tough choices. It's easiest to see when a character has flaws or doubts, yet chooses to do good.

Action Jackson (1988)
by Robert Reneau

*Even Roger Ebert was puzzled: "What can you make of a movie that has one scene where a cop outruns a taxi cab and another one where a villain shoots his wife in the stomach while kissing her, and then keeps on kissing? What’s going on here? “Action Jackson” plays like a cross between “Superman” and “The Face of Death,” and that’s not intended as a compliment. Rarely have comedy and gruesome violence been combined in such a blithe mixture, as if the violence didn’t really count."