TODAY'S NUGGET: The Jewel of the Nile (1985) - Perfectly Timed Dialogue and Action (Stakes, Hope-Fear in Romance)

[Quick Summary: A sequel to Romancing the Stone. After an ambitious African politician kidnaps writer Joan Wilder to write his life's story, the selfish Jack Coulter races to her rescue.] 

I agreed with critic Roger Ebert that this story was good, but it lacked romance:

But the original contract specified a sequel, and it’s to everybody’s credit that “The Jewel of the Nile” is an ambitious and elaborate attempt to repeat the success of the first movie; it’s not just a ripoff. Even so, it lacks some of the pleasures of “Romancing,” especially the development of the romance between Douglas and Turner.

He went on to praise the mechanism of his favorite scene in a rat pit*  

I couldn't find that scene in this draft, but found a similar one in which the emotional and physical beats fall like clockwork (below):
- Joan, Jack, and the Jewel have arrived at a village.
- The Chief will let them pass if they pay the $1M toll.
- Pay attention to the rhythm of the scene.
- Notice the hope-fear-hope-fear pattern winds up the tension.

EXT. NUBIAN VILLAGE

...The CHIEF talks aside with the Jewel.

JEWEL: You don't have to pay it. ... Instead he will take Joan for one hour. [Fear. Emotional stakes are high here.]

Jack stops dancing. Looks at Joan.

JOAN: He's kidding. [Hope. She tries to dispel the fear.]

JEWEL: Just one hour. [Fear.]

JACK (teasing): Well Joan, now you can do something serious. Something that really matters. (to the Chief) Go ahead. 

The NUBIANS laugh as Jack offers the CHIEF Joan's hand. All one big joke. Until the CHIEF starts pulling her into his hut.

JACK: OK...fun's fun...hey, that's it. [Fear.]

Now Jack grabs the CHIEF. Wrong move. He's immediately seized by six young toughs. Joan becomes scared. The Chief talks roughly.

JEWEL (translating): He wants to know if you are married? [Emotional stakes.]

JOAN: No.

JEWEL (translating): Any babies? [Higher emotional stakes.]

JACK: No. ...look, what's the difference?

The CHIEF now pushes Jack in the chest. [Physical move that raises stakes.]

JEWEL: Then decide. Either he takes Joan for an hour...

JACK: Or...?

JEWEL: You will lose your leg.  [Fear.]

A terribly OBESE NUBIAN steps forward with a broad AXE on a long handle. The other young toughs stretch out one of Jack's legs. Tension is unbearable. They realize the CHIEF is serious.

JOAN: Jack...I ...I have to. [Rising emotional stakes.]

JACK (straining against their holds): NO!! I forbid you.

JOAN: You can't.

JACK (screams for all he's worth):  NOOOO!!! [Highest tension, stakes.]

The CHIEF looks at Joan.  A wave of his hand and the OBESE NUBIAN raises his axe. Joan turns to the CHIEF. Touches her chest.

JOAN: Yes. Now. 

JACK (half-crazed) Cut the leg. (at the Chief) DAMN IT! CUT OFF MY GODDAMNED LEG!! [FEAR! PEAK OF FEAR!]

JEWEL: That is your decisions?

JACK (really scared): Yes...

JOAN: Jack...

ON THE AXE

High in the air. A beat, then down it comes. BAM! Into the dirt next to Jack. A great CHEER goes up among the Nubians. They start to dance in simple, sweet ecstacy.

JACK - BEING BEAR-HUGGED BY THE CHIEF

ready to faint, looks to Joan, then to the Jewel.

JEWEL (translating): We are free to go no.   ... The Nubians are hopeless romantics. Some tribes enjoy tests of strength. ...They like to test love. [Funny release of tension.]

JACK AND JOAN 

are hoisted on shoulders and carried around the village.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: One key to escalating stakes is the pendulum of emotions swinging from hope to fear.  Don't be afraid to swing widely.

The Jewel of the Nile (1985)(1st draft)
by Mark Rosenthal & Lawrence Konner

* Ebert wrote: 

...My favorite moment between them comes as they hang by their hands over a rat pit, while acid gnaws away at the ropes that suspend them above certain doom. Sure, this scene owes something to “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” But what’s new about it this time is the dialogue – the way they break down and confess that they love each other, and make marriage plans as death inexorably approaches. And then, when DeVito appears and might possibly save them, there is some business with a ladder that is followed by dialogue so perfectly timed that I laughed not so much in amusement as in delight at how well the mechanisms of the scene fell together. (my underline)