TODAY'S NUGGET: Mindhunters (2004) - How to Make an Information Dump More Interesting to Watch (Clarity of Purpose)

[Quick Summary: After a group of FBI trainees are dropped off on a deserted island for a weekend training exercise, one of them starts killing them off, one by one.]

I thought this script did a great job of bringing the audience into the psychological game that's being played.  How did the writers do it?

They had to find a way to quickly get into the minds of the trainees, explain how they think (essentially an information dump), yet maintain a brisk pacing. 

The writers knew that the most traditional and efficient way to do this is through interviews of the trainees.  Their new addition here was using new technology.  

For example, in the scene below: 
- Harris, the FBI trainer, has brought the trainees to an isolated island for training.
- Someone has a beef with all of them. Weird things start to happen.
- Sara, one of the trainees, goes looking for information and finds a laptop with her fellow trainees' initial interviews.  
- Notice that this is an information dump, but a necessary and efficient one. 
- The interview is a tried-and-true technique, but the writers used a more modern tool here to do so (the laptop). 
- Also, Sara is seeking clues, so the interviews feel more like answers to her questions vs. telling the audience information. 

INT. THE DORM ROOMS -- MOMENTS LATER

...Sara's eyes SWING to the LAPTOP on J.D's bed.

THE SCREEN

is filled with STAR-BURSTS - a SCREEN-SAVER program.

She presses the command button. The computer comes to life.

ON THE SCREEN -- J.D. APPEARS ON VIDEO TAPE

In the middle of an INTERVIEW.

J.D. (on tape): ...If there's one thing I've learned working for the Bureau, there's always a cause and effect. Even in the sickest criminal mind.

HARRIS (V.O.)(on tape): But do you want to crawl into that kind of mind?

ANGLE THE GROUP

as they stare at the laptop - dumbfounded.

J.D. (on tape): Do I want to? No. But will I? Yes.

ANGLE THE LAPTOP -- AS THE SCREEN

turns to SNOW

and ANOTHER INTERVIEW blinks on.

BOBBY (on tape): I'd be walking, just minding my own business, and a squad car would pull over. I used to carry a photo ID just to prove I lived in the neighborhood.

HARRIS (V.O.): Why Behavioral Science?

BOBBY (on tape): You're the best...

TIGHT ON BOBBY

BOBBY: That's my psych-eval interview...

ANGLE THE LAPTOP --

SNOW again...

ANOTHER INTERVIEW blinks on.

NICOLE (on tape): I was 11 years-old. I came home from school and mom was unconscious . The police took him away. It's the first time I remember feeling safe. We never heard from dad again...

ANOTHER ANGLE - LUCAS

LUCAS (on tape): I left medical school to join the Bureau because I thought I could be more effective on the front lines. (beat) What can I say? I'm an adrenaline junkie.

ANGLE - RAMON 

RAMON (on tape): Once I got a taste of homicide, there was no turning back. There's not a helluva lot more satisfying than seeing a killer brought to justice.

ANGLE - VINCE

VINCE (on tape): I was that kid. The one who knew everything there is to know about serial killers. I've always wanted to be a mindhunter. The accident hasn't changed that.

ANGLE - SARA

SARA (on tape): Her killer sent me letters from different mailing services for a year after we found the body. Told me everything he did to her. (beat) Every single thing.

TIGHT ON SARA

flushing crimson...

AND THE SCREEN FREEZES. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I didn't particularly notice the information dump about other characters here because the scene had real clarity of purpose.  

That is, Sara was seeking answers, so watching her register new information was more interesting to watch than if I was told it.

Also, the laptop was cool updated tech to use in a film, but it didn't replace knowing the fundamentals of drama (re: how to convey information through interviews).

Mindhunters (2004)(12/17/00 revised draft)
by Wayne Kramer, revisions by Kevin Brodbin, Kario Salem

2026 OSCARS: Frankenstein (2025) - Guillermo del Toro Explains the Elements of Horror (Plus an Example)

[Quick Summary: Victor Frankenstein creates a monster that becomes his undoing.]

PRO: This is the film that Guillermo del Toro has wanted to make for decades.

CON: This script is too long.

PRO: The film has garnered 9 Oscar nominations.  

CON: Its budget from Netflix was a whopping $120M, with only $144,496 gross (one territory). However, grosses don't seem important to this streamer. 

PRO: I tend to avoid horror, but was intrigued by Guiellermo del Toro's explanation of the genre:

"The essence of horror - the two, and only two, things that create horror: something that is there and should not [be], or something that should not be there and is there." 

An example of one of these elements is in the scene below:
- Dr. Frankenstein has created the Creature. 
- Frankenstein fell for brother's fiancee, Elizabeth, who was kind to Creature.
- Frankenstein is enraged that she'd choose Creature over him.
- The Creature fights with Frankenstein, then releases him. 
- Frankenstein hunts the Creature into the North Pole.
- Note that the Creature takes up the dynamite voluntarily.  We expect him to die, but when he does not, it's horrifying ("something that should not be there and is there").

EXT. INT ESPLANADE - NIGHT

... The Creature sinks the Knife into Victor's SHOULDER - THUNK!

The Creature fetches the dynamite. Victor pulls the knife out - bleeding.

CREATURE (CONT'D): You - put your faith in this? This?! (beat) But if it does not, I will come for you - again! And make you regret it. (Beat) Light it... Light it!!!

Victor obeys. Trembling and covered in blood.

The Creature embraces the dynamite as if it was a baby - a prize - a cherished possession: tight upon his chest. 

Victor crawls away and then gets up - limps away. Arm dislocated and bleeding, artificial limb almost entirely loose.

 The Creature is engulfed by the EXPLOSION. A CRATER forms.

But - when the smoke clears: The Creature rises again: ONE EYE SOCKET is empty - His chest, jagged with wounds- 

One of his hands with EXPOSED knuckles points at Victor: 

CREATURE (CONT'D): Now- run- 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  Though I don't really like horror, I found del Toro's explanation helpful in writing suspense, i.e., when something isn't as we expect, it's frightening.

Frankenstein (2025)(Sept. 2024, final shooting script)
by Guillermo del Toro
Based on the novel by Mary Shelley 

2026 OSCARS: Sinners (2025) - How to Explain Vampire Rules Without Explaining Them ("Show, Not Tell" in Reactions)

[Quick Summary: Troubled twins set up a juke joint in the South, but vampires stand in the way of its success.]

In this well written script, I particularly enjoyed how the writer built suspense with an uneasy feeling that something is wrong.

For example, in the scene below:
- Smoke and Stack are twins who have come back to the South, after fleeing Chicago. 
- They have decided to set up a juke joint and charge cover fees.
- They hire Annie to cook for the joint.
- Annie is a practitioner of the occult, and was once an item with Smoke.
- One of their employees, Cornbread, has been missing for awhile and returns. 
- Notice how the scene starts out with an argument and Cornbread's offer to help.
- Though viewers may not know the vampire rule (you have to be asked to enter a building), they sense that Annie is uneasy about something. 
- She does not say out loud what she suspects, but challenges Cornbread to act. 
- I thought it was clever how Cornbread avoids the question and throw the focus back on Annie.
- Also, it's unusual to create a reveal of this vampire rule without telling it, but showing in the reactions and other dialogue unrelated to what is being revealed.

 

INT. ENTRY HALLWAY - JUKE JOINT - LUMBER MILL - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

 ...Cornbread finally notices Smoke is covered in blood.

CORNBREAD: Goddamn Smoke...what happened to you?

SMOKE: What happened to me? Stack is dead. What the fuck happened to you? You was supposed to be watching the place. Not taking a hour long piss.

CORNBREAD: I'm sorry. Well let me come in and help.

Annie clocks this. [Annie is the first to have suspicions.]

She extends her hands to Smoke to stop him.

Smoke looks back at Annie confused. Delta Slim as well.

They stare at Cornbread, who stares back at them with an almost comically confused expression. 

CORNBREAD: What ya'll doing?

The three continue to stare without budging.

CORNBREAD (CONT'D): Smoke. Just step aside and let me on in. [He needs an invitation.]

ANNIE: Why you need him to do that? You big and strong enough to push past us. [Annie confronts him with a question that requires him to act first. This is, in essence, "showing, not telling" about the vampire rules, which the audience may or may not know about. ]

CORNBREAD: Because that wouldn't be very polite of me now, would it? I don't know why I'm even talking to you. Probably your fish sandwich that made me so sick. Using that old stale grease. [Cornbread knows she is suspicious, so he tries to distract her.] 

ANNIE: I ain't never used stale grease and you know it.  [His accusation puts her on the defensive about her food.]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: One way to "show and not tell" the vampire rules is to require the vampire to violate the rule, i.e., to act.

"Show, not tell" usually means visuals and not dialogue.  The example above was a rare instance of using other dialogue and reactions, rather than what I expected, i.e., visuals alone.

Sinners (2025)(undated draft)
by Ryan Coogler /

TODAY'S NUGGET: Yellow Jack (1938) - Using the Environment to Inform the Audience About a Character

[Quick Summary: Since no one believes that mosquitos are carriers of yellow fever, Major Walter Reed asks five U.S. soldiers in Cuba to become human test subjects.]

Q: How do you possibly make a standard biopic interesting?
A: For me, it lies in the character of Dr. Finlay, a cranky, irascible physician with a huge chip on his shoulder.  He's of Scottish-French descent, but grew up in Cuba.

Q: Why is he so cranky?
A:   No one will publish his theory about the transmission of yellow fever for the last 20 years, and the medical community have openly mocked him.

Q: What makes his introduction memorable?
A: The writers do a great job of using the environment to convey something about a character. It's spooky, odd, makes us uneasy, just like Dr. Finlay.

In the scene below:
- Major Reed has just asked Dr. Finlay for some of his unhatched mosquito eggs, in order to conduct human experiments.
- Reed, Agramonte, Lazear, Carroll are all U.S. soldiers.
- Notice how the writers use the environment to inform us about Dr. Finlay's character: musty books, shuttered windows, creepy cages of mosquitos speak to a research who cares about his work, not looks.
- It tells also draws us in, makes us curious.  What is this mystifying, unknown we're about to step into?

The scene dissolves into a close-up fo a CAGE OF LARGE STRIPED STEGOMYIA MOSQUITOES, which flash as they move about and give forth a curious droning sound. Then the view, drawing back, discloses DOCTOR FINLAY'S STUDY, a dimly lit room with curious angles. It has many cabinets containing the complex paraphernalia of a doctor and scientist...cases of musty books...a long table strewn with evidence of intensive and lonely study. In a corner near a shuttered window is the cage, placed on a table. Also on this table are several porcelain dishes covered with gauze. These contain dry eggs of the Stegomyia. DR. FINLAY leads MAJOR REED and his doctors up to the "menagerie."

FINLAY (pointing to the mosquitoes as they cling against the inside of the screen): You see her there... (He speaks with the purring affection of a connoisseur, relating the admirable qualities of his specimens.) My silver beauty...my spoiled darling! Do not think that she is a wild creature of the jungle. Ah, no....She is highly civilized. She would die wi'out your society - and epicure...feeding on the softest and tenderest parts of the human flesh...under the wrists or along the ankles...never on the face or the top of the hands. (With a soft chuckle) Those places are the most easily...slapped!

REED (peering closer to the screen): These are all females?

FINLAY: Aye...a bevy of bonny lassies, each wi' a kiss of death. The male is decent. He is not a vampire.

CARROLL (sharply): How did you pick this one out of eight hundred different kinds?

FINLAY: By her habits! She alone cannot live in the swamps. She alone can live only with human beings. She alone deposits her eggs only in clear pure water, in artificial objects - glasses, pitchers, flower pots....Is she not Greek in her purity?

REED: Amazing! 

AGRAMONTE: Horrible!

LAZEAR: Fascinating!

CARROL (to Reed): Let's get out of here.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I learned a lot about Dr. Finlay simply seeing his carefully curated cages of flesh eating mosquitos.  

And the fact that he's so proud of the mosquitos?  It's another level of depth. 

Yellow Jack (1938)
by Edward Chodorov
Based on the play by Sidney Howard, in collaboration with Paul de Kruif

* What is yellow fever?

It is a epidemic prone, viral disease that is spread by mosquitos.  Its symptoms are fever, muscle pain, headache, nausea and vomiting. A small percentage of people infected with the virus develop a life-threatening form of the disease that involves high fevers, internal bleeding, vomiting of blood and jaundice—which is where the “yellow” in yellow fever comes from. It has been estimated that for every 1 case of severe infection, there are between 1 and 70 infections that are asymptomatic or mild.

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996) - Grounding the Unfamilar + Genre Tropes (Horror/Thriller/Sci-fi)

[Quick Summary: After being rescued at sea and brought to a mysterious island, a lawyer (Prendick) discovers his host Dr. Moreau is experimenting on animals.] 

Writer Walon Green has quite a breadth and scope of his writing.  He uses genres as tools for his stories, but is not dictated by them.

For example, this script is a mix of sci-fiction, horror, and psychological thriller.  However, it is still very accessible to someone picking it up for the first time. 

How did he make it easy and interesting for the reader?
a) He made an unfamiliar situation recognizable for the reader; yet
b) Uses genre tropes to heighten the impact of the scene. 

For example, this scene below:
- Prendick, the protagonist, spends his first night on Dr. Moreau's spooky island. 
- Prendick is locked into his room at night "for his own safety" and wakes up. This is familiar sensation to many travelers.
- Then, however, Green uses genre elements to heighten this situation: sci-fi (what kind of child is born?), horror (screams in the night), thriller (danger to protagonist?)

 INT. THE GUEST ROOM - NIGHT

...We see the following (PRENDICK'S P.O.V.) as though through a nightmare: 

Prendick is alone, deep in sleep, through which he can hear the SCREAMS, now at an unbearable pitch.

INT. THE WOMB - NIGHT

An unborn CHILD pushes through the red-veined darkness, eyes still closed, squeezed shut as if anguished by this transition from one world to another.

In the darkness of the womb the child twists and SCREAMS.

                                                                            CUT TO:

INT. THE GUEST ROOM - NIGHT

Prendick sits bolt upright on the bed. It takes him only a moment to realize that the pitch of the cries has changed. They no longer sound like the howling of man nor beast, but have become instead the screams of a child in pain.

Prendick turns and goes to the door a bit unsteadily. He tries it. Still locked.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: It's easy to assume everyone knows the genre tropes as well as you, writer. So do NOT assume.

Make sure you have the basics so the reader knows what is happening (cake), then heighten with the genre tropes (frosting). 

The Island of Dr. Moreau (1996)(4/26/94 draft)
by Richard Stanley & Michael Berr
Revised by Walon Green
Based upon the novel by H. G. Wells

TODAY'S NUGGET: A Haunting in Venice (2023) - Unspoken Horror/Angst + Using a Swinging Door

[Quick Summary: A medium is murdered the night of an orphans' Halloween party. What did she know?]

I am going to tread lightly here, as I:
1) am an avid Agatha Christie fan (and admittedly a bit of snob),* and
2) have not been the biggest fan of the latest Kenneth Branagh remakes.**

This third film uses the book's setting of a Halloween party, but not the plot (the latter of which, in my opinion, is loosely adapted from another Christie novel). 

However, the script is well written and spooky. 

I particularly appreciated writer Michael Green's use of a swinging door that bodes ominous things (below). 

In this scene:
- Alicia and Maxine were engaged. He broke it off when her mother, Rowena, wouldn't approve.
- Maxine left. Alicia got sick and died.
- Years later, a medium now claims that she knows Alicia was murdered.
- After her Halloween party for orphans tonight, Rowena has agreed to hold a seance to contact Alicia.
- Maxine has returned to be a part of the seance.
- I felt the visual below captures the unspoken horror/angst between Rowena and Maxine, especially how she blames Maxine for Alicia's death, though he is innocent.
- The movement and rhythm of the door also increases the psychological horror, tension, and suspense between these two.  What's going to happen next?
- We are standing in Maxine's POV in the kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN/ PANTRY / DINING ROOM. PALAZZO. NIGHT.

A PANTRY DOOR SWINGS, OPEN / SHUT / OPEN, giving SWIPED views of ROWENA AND LEOPOLD. Inside eating cake at A SERVANTS' TABLE (by a PHONE). Rowena's gaze lasers up on the last swing, hate in her eyes. The door closes.

ON MAXINE. Feeling it. She was looking at him.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I thought the swinging door was an apt metaphor for this strained relationship, and wonderful way to amplify that strain.

A Haunting in Venice (2023)(undated)
by Michael Green
Adapted from the novel, Hallowe'en Party, by Agatha Christie

*For those who are curious: my favorite Poirot actor is David Suchet, and my favorite Miss Marple actor is Joan Hickson.

**This is the best of the three remakes.  My main issue with two prior remakes is that they spend a lot of Act 1 dwelling on Poirot as a person, establishing him with an ego, as the "most celebrated detective." I feel this: a) completely undercuts the joke, i.e., he's not as famous as he thinks he is; b) is distracting and unnecessary.  Mysteries are not really about the detective, per se.

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Wicker Man (1973) - Why "Recognizably Strange" is Effective Horror Behavior

[Quick Summary: After receiving an anonymous letter about the disappearance of a missing child, a by-the-book policeman arrives on a remote island to investigate.]

Q: What makes this odd film stand out? Why is there a cult like fan following?
A: It's a proper horror film, i.e., properly unsettling and weird.

Q: Horror films explore what we fear.  What is the fear here?
A: Something is very wrong when no one (except for the protagonist) is concerned about a missing child on a remote island.

Q: How did the writer make such a weird story, well, weird?
A: One of the keys was what one critic called, "recognizably strange" things. 

The script starts off with the typical straight-laced policeman. I recognize this character and how he'd respond in situations.  I identify with his reasoning. 

Then odd "recognizably strange" things start to happen to him, yet no one (but him) is alarmed.  They're just 15% or so off of normal. Just enough to dismiss him....

For example, in the scene below:
- Mrs. Morrison has just denied to Sgt. Howie that her older daughter is missing.
- She exits, leaving Howie with the her younger daughter Myrtle.
- We are unsettled by Mrs. Morrison's matter of fact reaction --> now add Myrtle's.
- Note how no one is trying very hard to convince Howie.  In fact, the indifference is frightening and infuriating to a by-the-book cop.

INT. PARLOUR OF SWEET SHOP - DAY

...We now see that the child is doing a drawing of a hare with huge ears and whiskers which she is copying from a copper mould that has plainly been used to make the chocolate hares. She looks up and hands Howie a dropping paint brush.

MYRTLE: Here you are. You can fillin the ears in grey.

Neat, clean Sergeant Howie is horrified to find his hand suddenly sticky with paint, and quickly takes the paint rag to clean himself. Carefully he selects a clean brush and starts on the ears.

HOWIE: Myrtle, do you know Rowan?

MYRTLE: Of course.

Howie is startled by the answer.

HOWIE: You do?

MYRTLE: Course I do, silly.

HOWIE: Where is she now?

MYRTLE: In the fields. She runs and plays all day.

HOWIE: Will she be back for tea?

MYRTLE (laughing uproariously): Tea? She doesn't have tea.

HOWIE: Why not? Doesn't she like it?

She stops laughing abruptly and stares at him contemptuously.

MYRTLE: Hares don't have tea, silly.

HOWIE: Hares!

MYRTLE: She's a hare. Rowan's a hare. She has a lovely time.

Howie sits thunderstruck. The door to the shop opens and Mrs. Morrison re-appears....

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked how the script lulled me in with recognizable behavior --> becomes "recognizably strange" --> bizarre frightening behavior.  

This gradual slide was very believable!

The Wicker Man (1973)
by Anthony Shaffer

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Body Snatcher (1945) - Why the Blackmailer's Chilling Speech Lands Well (Motive)

[Quick Summary: After a student suspects that his mentor (Dr. MacFarlane) is illegally obtaining cadavers, the supplier (Gray) begins to harass them.]

 Dr. MacFarlane has a nice, comfortable life.  

The only fly in his ointment is Mr. Gray, who supplies him with cadavers.

Since Gray has old dirt on MacFarlane, he relishes sponging off him.

When MacFarlane finally confronts Gray about 3/4 into the script, it is chilling.  

Why does it land so well?

Part of it is well-drawn characters.  But also, part of it is the structure.

The script spends the first 3/4 setting up the rocky relationships with student Fettes, Dr. MacFarlane, and Mr. Grey. (I was rooting for Fettes.)

Then it all pays off in the last quarter, when Gray finally explains his motive to MacFarlane in this explosive admission:

INT. GRAY'S LIVING QUARTERS - NIGHT

...Gray shrugs.

MACFARLANE: What I was going to say is this -- wouldn't you be more comfortable at Leith in a neat little house?

GRAY: Would you bribe me to leave you be?

MACFARLANE: I would make you rich.

GRAY: It wouldn't be half so much fun for me, Toddy, as to have you come here and beg --

MACFARLANE (cutting in): Beg -- beg of you! You crawling graveyard rat!

He chokes off the last speech and glares at Gray. He is almost trembling with the effort to control himself.

GRAY: Aye -- that is my pleasure.

As he speaks he is refilling MacFarlane's glass

MACFARLANE: Well then -- I beg you -- I beseech you --

GRAY (shaking, his head and grinning): But then I wouldn't have the fun of having you come here and beg again, Toddy.

They look at each other. MacFarlane bends over in his chair. Gray hitches himself forward a little on the table, ready, waiting, then relaxes as MacFarlane begins to speak.

MACFARLANE: But why, Gray? Why?

GRAY: Because it would be a hurt to me to see you no more, Toddy. You're a pleasure to me.

MACFARLANE: A pleasure to torment me?

GRAY: No -- a pride to know that I can force you to my will. I'm a small man -- a humble man -- and being poor, I've had to do much that I did not want to do. But so long as the great Dr. MacFarlane jumps at my whistle, that long am I a man -- and if I have not that, I have nothing. Then I am only a cabman and a grave-robber.

MacFarlane looks at him. As he looks, he realizes he has heard the truth and that Gray will never leave him in peace. Now he, in turn, attempts cunning....

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This gut punch is doubly horrific because of the roller coaster ride in the previous 70+ pgs.  Without it, this moment loses steam.

The Body Snatcher (1945)
by Philip MacDonald and Carlos Keith
Based on the story by Robert Louis Stevenson

TODAY'S NUGGET: Mary Rose (unproduced Hitchcock) - Building Blocks of Creating & Layering Dread in Psychological Horror

[Quick Summary: Mary Rose has no memory of disappearing from an Island, then reappearing after 20 days.  As an adult, she re-visits and disappears for 18 yrs.]

After a run of 3 other psychological horrors,* I'm not sure why Hitchcock couldn't get this script green lit.**  It is very much in his wheelhouse of suspense.

This script is a great example of one keys to psychological horror: creeping dread.  

What are the building blocks of dread?  Often unease and uncertainty.

Let's look at a great example in the scene below:
- Kenneth (40), Mary Rose's son, returns to his childhood home, which is for sale.
- He's been away for 20+ yrs. and walks through the unlocked front door.
- Notice what the writer uses to build dread: the physical description of the wallpaper; the gloom in 'sacking,' 'peeling,' old woman, etc.
- Notice what the writer uses to layer dread: uneasiness of chair facing away from us; sound, shadow,  old woman is holding her breath, etc.
- I've underlined below the phrases that kept me uneasy or uncertain.

Slowly, he begins to mount the stairs. At the top, he discovers a door, open upon a dark and deeply silent room. Quietly, he enters. All of this room's past, which can be taken away, has gone.  Such light as there is...no more than enough to make shadows...comes from the only window, which is at the back and incompletely shrouded in sacking. Also toward the back of the room is another door.  It is closed. As his eyes adjust to the dark, they circle the room, taking in the peeling wallpaper, the desolated, deserted sadness of it all, until finally his eyes come to rest upon the only furnishings in the room...if two up-ended packing cases and a chair may be called furnishings.

On top of one of the cases is an unlighted candle in a holder, and beside it is a chair, the back of which is turned toward the man. These objects seem only to add to the impression of empty desertion. And then, in the dark, the man becomes slowly conscious of the faintest, almost indiscernible movement. It is in the chair. He freezes. There is a moment of utterly suspended animation. Then he speaks, his voice hardly a whisper.

KENNETH: Who's there?

THE CAMERA closes in tight on the chair, as from its depth the movement takes shape and turns to face the man. In the chair is a woman, old, gaunt, narrowed-eyed...as her old gimlet eyes observe the obviously corporeal nature of the intruder, does she let out her breath. Hostilely, she regards him.

MRS. OTERY: What do you think you're up to here now! This here's private property!

KENNETH (relaxes, almost smiles): And you must be the caretaker.  Your name is....?

MRS. OTERY (compelled against herself to answer his gentle, but utterly assured command): Mrs. Otery. (trying to regain her authority) Mrs. Harry Otery, that's who. And I'm in charge of this house. It's my job to show it to prospective purchasers with appointments.

KENNETH: Really? From the looks of things, I shouldn't think you'd find yourself very busy.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Creeping dread is built on an increasing rise and fall of unease and uncertainty.

Mary Rose (unproduced Hitchcock)(2nd draft, 2/15/64)
by Jay Presson Allen
Adapted from the play by J.M. Barrie

*Psycho (1960), The Birds (1963), Marnie (1964).

**Ostensibly, Hitchcock said: "They believe it isn't what the audiences expect of me. Not the kind of picture they expect of me."

TODAY'S NUGGET: Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992) - When They Shot Your Script & It Was Awful; Unconscious Transitions

[Quick Summary: In London, Dracula pursues Mina, who is soon to be married to Jonathan, who is trapped by Dracula's 'wives' in Transylvania.]

I could follow this script but it meandered between 4-5 characters and did not drive to a climax. It felt... muddled (?)*

However, I did appreciate two things that I learned:

1) SOMETIMES NO ONE SEES THE FLAW. The writer recounts here about seeing a first cut that was faithful to his script...and it was awful.

Why couldn’t we have solved this in the script development stage before shooting to avoid ending up in the editing room with a film that does not work? How did I not realize this in the writing stages? How did Francis Ford Coppola, the Maestro living legend, not see this coming?

Answer: Sometimes no one sees it and you have to shoot it to get perspective.

2) UNCONSCIOUS TRANSITIONS. On the page, I find it difficult to move an audience from one location to another without them realizing it.

I thought the writer of this script did a nice job of expressing the unknown looming around Mina, while moving us into Dracula's introduction using a shadow image:

...A grotesque SHADOW moves across them and the room to:

INT. CONSERVATORY - EVENING

MED. CLOSE UP MINA
Mina fixes herself in the mirror before she joins them. The SHADOW moves across the mirror. 

MINA: If I were a man, I know what I would do to make a girl love me.

Slowly, her hands reach up pressing her own breasts. The SHADOW darkens her.

EXT. CASTLE DOORWAY - NIGHT

THE SAME SHADOW - VIEW PANS
revealing what created the shadow: DRACULA, a tall old man. Hands long and hairy. Face riveting, handsome like a Tartar --and horrible at the same time. His eyes a cold vivid blue. He puts down a bowl of fruit and Oriental lantern (that made shadow grotesque) for his guest. He stands there like a statue. We PULL BACK to include Harker.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked that the shadow was used to foreshadow something scary is coming and also introduce us to Dracula.  Double duty!

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)(8/22/91 shooting script)
by Jim Hart

*I tend to agree with Roger Ebert's assessment: "The one thing the movie lacks is headlong narrative energy and coherence. There is no story we can follow well enough to care about."

TODAY'S NUGGET: In the Mouth of Madness (1995) - Character's Motive Pulled Me In

[Quick Summary: Trent, an insurance detective, must track down Sutter Cane, a horror author who has mysteriously vanished after turning in half his new novel.]

THE KEY REASON I BOUGHT INTO THIS SERIOUSLY WEIRD STORY:

1st thought:  I am a not a horror fan.

2nd thought: I generally avoid horror scripts because most are simply to shock or showcase special effects (blood, gore, gross out) vs. character (fear, dread, dismay).

3rd thought: Thirty pgs. in, I couldn't stop following Trent in a Seriously Weird case with plenty of fear/dread/dismay.  Why would I willingly go on this journey?

I believed his motive.  And it's not money.

Surprised? Me too, because my belief turns on the casual scene below. 

It's not a showy scene, but it's the one that convinced me Trent would go to the ends of the earth because he is driven by the hunt:

INT. ATLANTIC INSURANCE OFFICE - DAY

...A pair of rock-steady hands REACH IN and light the cigarette for him.

TRENT (O.S.): Nervous, Mr. Paul?

We REVEAL John Trent, leaning against the desk that Mr. Paul is sitting in front of. Another man, ROBINSON, sits behind it. Trent is clean, attractive, confident. Light years away from the man we know from cell number nine. He's doing what he likes doing best, catching people in a lie. [This last line in particular did it for me.]

...MR. PAUL (unsure): No...

TRENT: I'm glad you understand. I thought you would, that's why I knew you wouldn't mind if I checked your story out with your wife.

MR. PAUL (sees it coming): My wife?

TRENT: Yes, you see we had three nagging pictures of your wife tooling around town wearing articles which you claimed perished in the fire.

Trent throws a package of photos into Mr. Paul's lap.

TRENT (CONT'D): And you know what else? When I went to speak with her, she was more than eager to tell us what really went down. Especially after I showed her the pictures of Miss Rosa. Who seems to be wearing even more of the articles which you claimed perished in the fire.

MR. PAUL (dazed): Miss Rosa?

Trent throws another pile of photos into Mr. Paul's lap then leans in quite close.

TRENT: Two words of advice my friend. If you're going to pull a scam, don't make your wife your partner. And if you do, don't fuck around behind her back.

Trent smiles.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked the description "doing what he likes best" because it is Trent will seek to do, no matter the situation.

In the Mouth of Madness (1995))(2/21/92 draft w/revisions)
by Michael de Luca*

*Yes, that Michael de Luca.  I've only known him as a mega producer, but he can really write.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Predator (1987) - Protecting Your Story; One Good Change

[Quick Summary:  After 3 presidential cabinet members go missing in the jungle, a military team goes to rescue them, only to be hunted by a mysterious predator.] 

TWO THOUGHTS:

1) PROTECTING YOUR STORY.  All screenwriters accept that a script will change because of budget, location, etc.

But how do you protect your STORY from destructive changes? Solid story structure.

ex. The essential structure of Predator does not change much, despite 8+ drafts. All the important beats from the early version (PDF1) are present in the final (PDF2).

2) ONE SMART CHANGE. In the early draft, the whole team never really see the Hunter.  In production polish (PDF2), they do spot him at the beginning of Act 3. 

This was a very smart change because: a) The protagonists know their enemy is not human; b) The antagonist, who was nearly invisible, now has even higher stakes. 

ex. "EXT. THE TEAM - DAY

The limb CRASHES down from the trees, Schaefer, Dillon, Billy and Mac diving for safety. But Ramirez, following the Hunter's leap, SEES too late the pendular movement of the severed limb and is struck a THUDDING blow in the ribs, which lifts him off his feet, hurling him backwards like a rag doll, his shirt torn open, exposing a BLOODY WOUND.

An [sic] Anna runs to Ramiez's side the others, still stunned, look upward, frozen in shock SEEING: THE HUNTER, clinging to a side of a tree, flushed bright crimson.

Dillis [sic] is dumbfounded, like the others, rooted to the ground staring upward.

DILLON: What in God's name...?

The Hunter utters an unearthly SNARL and HISS from his open mouth as an instant later his camouflage resumes and he vanishes from sight...a rapid, furtive movement through the trees."

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  Good structure is not 100% guarantee that your story will survive production, but at least you will have a fighting chance. 

"You can make a bad film from a good script, but you can't make a good film from a bad script." - Anonymous

Predator (1987)(early draft, 7/17/85; final draft, 4/7/86)
by James Thomas and John Thomas

TODAY'S NUGGET: Ghosts of Mars (2001) - Clarity When Changing POV

[Quick Summary: On Mars, four cops arrive at a mining outpost to take a prisoner back to the big city...but only one cop survives the trip.]

CON: I didn't connect with this script, though it has all the elements - efficient, fast moving, Western, sci-fi, an escape. I'm not sure why.

PRO: I've always found it difficult to clearly change point of view (POV) without confusing the reader.  This script makes it look so easy and natural.

In the scene below, we begin with characters meeting the Local Cop ---> Local Cop looking at the characters.

ex. "INT. STORAGE AREA - NIGHT

Bashira is alone in the storage area. She's frozen, staring at a locket closet. From inside comes a rhythmic THUMPING. Something's inside....

Helena draws her weapon and nods to Jericho to unlock the closet. He quietly fiddles with the lock and...

THE DOOR OPENS [First, characters look at Local Cop.]

A uniformed woman, a LOCAL COP, 20's, falls out. She seems more like a mental patient than a cop. She's in a stupor, but she raises her right arm and then makes a strange repetitive gesture, moving her arms listlessly together and then apart, the thumbs and index fingers extended upward.

HELENA: Officer, are you all right? (no response) Can you speak?

LOCAL COP (GHOST) POV [Then we switch to Local Cop's POV looking back.]

looking at Helena and the others.

The POV is strange, distorted.

Helena's VOICE sounds weird, slowed-down. This is the POV of something inside the Local Cop. A ghost. [This emphasizes we're still in Local Cop's POV.]

HELENA: Officer? Talk to me. What's going on?"

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Introduce a character before switching to that character's POV.  Don't jump too fast to the new character's POV, otherwise it's too confusing. 

ex. Introduce Local Cop before switching to Local Cop's POV.

Ghosts of Mars (2001)(undated)
by Larry Sulkis & John Carpenter

TODAY'S NUGGET: Red Dragon (2002) - Action, Tension; Creepiness

[Quick Summary: To stop a serial killer, FBI agent Graham, who was injured while bringing in Hannibal Lecter, must once again ask Lecter for help.]

How does this thriller/horror/adaption stay on track with SO MUCH going on, i.e., multiple story lines, twists and turns, a ticking clock, etc.?

I thought Roger Ebert had two great thoughts on this:

1) "Lecter is a character who commands contemplation and unease, and too much action just releases the tension." (emphasis mine)

ex. I noticed that both Graham and Lecter themselves are often very still, despite the constant movement around them.  Less is more here.

2) "But this movie, based on Harris' first novel, has studied "Silence of the Lambs" and knows that the action comes second to general creepiness. There are stabbings, shootings, fires, explosions, tortures, mutilations, and a flaming corpse in a wheelchair, but within reason." (emphasis mine)

In other words, "story before spectacle." Action serves story, not the other way.

In the scene below, note:
- A little bit of action, a lot of tension
- Creepiness comes first, then action

ex. "INT. LECTER'S STUDY. NIGHT.

...Graham drops into a chair. Lecter, who's been waiting politely, sits behind his desk. Graham leans forward urgently. Despite his weariness, his face is alive with fierce excitement.

GRAHAM: We've been on the wrong track this whole time, Doctor. you and I. Our whole profile is wrong.

Lecter is very still; there is not a flicker of emotion; he just watches Graham, like someone studying an insect.

GRAHAM (cont'd): We've been looking for somebody with a cray grudge. Some kind of anatomical knowledge, decertified doctors, med school dropouts, laid-off mortuary workers -

LECTER: From the precision of the cuts, yes. And his choice of - souvenirs.

GRAHAM: But that's where we're off target. He's not collecting body parts.

LECTER: Then why keep them?

GRAHAM: He's not keeping them. He's eating them.

Lecter just watches and listens."

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I need to set my characters up better with flaws and clashing desires from the start. 

Tension flows a lot more easily from character this way.

Red Dragon (2002)
by Ted Tally
Based on the novel by Thomas Harris

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Omen (1976) - Horror = Fear, Dread, or Dismay

[Quick Summary: After he is convinced to swap in another baby for his stillborn, an American ambassador and his wife are not prepared for the destruction that follows.]

ME: "What exactly is horror? 
MYSELF: It's blood and guts.
ME: That's lazy. This script is clearly horror, i.e., scary, but WITHOUT much blood and guts. So why is it still horror?
MYSELF: How does the dictionary define it?
ME: "(n.) painful and intense fear, dread, or dismay."
MYSELF: A-ha! Now you see why used the shorthand of "blood & guts"?

In other words, rely on "fear, dread, or dismay" (not blood & guts).*

ex. "INT. LIBRARY

Thorn turning to Kathy; pleased.

KATHY: I like her.
THORN: Yes.
KATHY: Where did you find her?
THORN (taken aback): Where did I find her?
KATHY: ...Yes.
THORN: I didn't find her, I assumed you found her.

They exit.

INT. ENTRY HALL - ANGLE ON KATHY

KATHY (shouting up the stairs): Mrs. Baylock!

INT. UPSTAIRS - SAME - ANGLE ON MRS. BAYLOCK

about to open the door to the child's room.

MRS. BAYLOCK (turning): Yes?

ANGLE ON KATHY

ascending the stairs, Thorn behind her; pausing as they reach the landing.

KATHY: I'm sorry, we're a little confused.
MRS. BAYLOCK (stiffening): Why is that?
KATHY: We don't know how you got here.
MRS. BAYLOCK: By taxi. I sent it away.
KATHY: What I mean is, who 'called' you?
MRS. BAYLOCK: The agency.
KATHY: ...The agency?
MRS. BAYLOCK: They saw in the papers you'd lost your first nanny, so they sent you another.

ANGLE ON KATHY

amazed.

THORN: ...very enterprising.
KATHY: I'll call to confirm that.
MRS. BAYLOCK: That'll be fine. Here are my references.

There passes an uneasy silence: all staring dumbly at each other.

MRS. BAYLOCK: If you'll excuse me now.
KATHY (uneasy): Yes, of course.

Mrs. Baylock reaches for the door...                                                                  CUT TO:

INT. THE CHILD'S ROOM - SAME

as the boy sits on the bed gazing out the window...slowly turning as he hears the door opening.

ANGLE ON THE NANNY

ENTERING; closing the door behind her, and locking it -- turning to gaze at the child. As she does, her expression transforms --her body stiffening, as though she is gazing upon something of incomparable beauty.

ANGLE ON THE CHILD

vaguely frightened.

CLOSE ANGLE ON MRS. BAYLOCK

moved.

MRS. BAYLOCK (fighting to control her voice): ...Fear not, little one. I'm here to protect Thee.

CAMERA HOLDS on her face."

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: For horror, it's all about building the fear, dread, or dismay.

The Omen (1976)(dated 9/8/75)
by David Seltzer

*I once read a spec horror script that was pages of blood and gore, but failed to build any fear/dread/dismay. It was boring. 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Halloween II (1981) - Delivering the Promise from the Opening Shot

[Quick Summary: Picking up from the first film, Laurie is transported to the hospital, where she and others are stalked by Mike Myers, who is still alive.]

BAD NEWS: I liked this script but didn't love it.

The stakes are high and it's scary, but...it feels like Halloween 1, the second half.

I guess I'm still not sure what makes a sequel good to meet people's expectations.

GOOD NEWS: I think the opening is a real crowd pleaser.

It acknowledges the loyal audience, "We know why you came: For scares!"

ex. "FADE IN:

MAIN TITLE SEQUENCE

In the middle of a black screen is a pumpkin.

A jack-o-lantern. Two candles on either side cast a flickering orange glow on the carved, grinning face.

CAMERA SLOWLY DOLLIES IN on the pumpkin.

SUPERIMPOSE MAIN TITLES.

Finally the pumpkin FILLS THE SCREEN. The final credit is SUPERIMPOSED.

Then suddenly the pumpkin CRACKS OPEN from top to bottom!

Underneath the meat, pulp and seeds that pour out is a wet, gleaming skull!

                                                                                                                  DISSOLVE TO:
BLACK SCREEN."

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I like a script that knows what it is, and delivers.

Here, this is a horror script and it delivers the scares from the opening shot, i.e., the audience knows it's in good hands.

Halloween II (1981)(shooting script, dated 3/12/81)
by John Carpenter and Debra Hill

TODAY'S NUGGET: Halloween (1978) - Delivering a Gripping Script on a Low Budget

[Quick Summary: A babysitter and her friends are stalked by evil Mike Myers who has just escaped an asylum.]

Three Things I Find Fascinating About This Script:

1) Carpenter made it for $300k and thought it didn't need a sequel:

But Michael Myers was an absence of character. And yet all the sequels are trying to explain that. That’s silliness – it just misses the whole point of the first movie, to me. He’s part person, part supernatural force. The sequels rooted around in motivation. I thought that was a mistake.

2) Mike Myers is a super-scary character BECAUSE he has no motivation:

But it was a movie where the main character, the guy in the mask, really isn’t altogether human. He has no characteristics. He's, uh, almost like a machine. He was just pure evil. That was what I intended to do. It's evil out of nothing, evil from no background, which completely creeps me out as a human being, that evil could arrive at my doorstep without a purpose, without a past, without an origin. So that's the idea behind it. It was put together to scare you. That’s all.

3) This script reads very fast, and does not read like a low budget film. Why?

I think it's because Carpenter:
- knew the film was going to be done on the cheap
- knew he had to deliver the scares
- knew that he had to deliver SOMETHING that didn't require stunts, car chases, etc.

So he cranked up the levels of tension about what was to happen next (also known as Hitchcock's "bomb under the table.")

ex. "[Dr.] Loomis glances at Marion as she lights a cigarette. She shoves the matches into the pack and tosses it on the dashboard. Loomis stares at the cigarette pack. The pack of matches reads: "The Rabbit in Red Lounge -- Entertainment Nightly." Loomis turns his eyes back to the rain-slicked road. [This is a setup for a later payoff.]

LOOMIS: Ever done anything like this before?
MARION: Only minimum security.
LOOMIS: I see.  [This feels bad.]
MARION (defensively): What does that mean?
LOOMIS: It means ... I see.
MARION: You don't have to make this any harder than it already is.
LOOMIS: I couldn't if I tried. [Yes, it is really bad.]
MARION: The only thing that ever bothers me is their gibberish. When they start raving on and on... LOOMIS: You don't have anything to worry about. He hasn't spoken a word in 15 years. [This is really, really bad! I am anxious. What is next?]

Both of them suddenly stare out the windshield in front of them.

POV THROUGH WINDSHIELD -- FIELD

Through the rain we see a field off to the side of the road. Dimly lit by the car headlights are FIVE PATIENTS, dressed in wind-blown white gowns, drenched by the rain, wandering aimlessly around the field."  [So, so bad! HOW WILL THIS END??!!]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I like that this script puts the focus on what it can do (increase tension), and not on what it cannot (big effects, CGI).

It does not whine about its budget nor try to overcompensate ("aren't we clever!")
  
Halloween (1978)(shooting draft, dated 4/10/78)
by John Carpenter and Debra Hill

TODAY'S NUGGET: Seven (1995) - Elevating a Horror Script

[Quick Summary: Two detectives track down a serial killer whose kills with a "7 deadly sins" theme.]

Very good script.

Very good structure and characters.

But I don't particularly like horror, so why did I continue to read? 

Because the writer had something to say about making decisions and justice:

ex. "SOMERSET: Well, I'm glad you asked. If you were chosen...as if by some higher power, your hand was forced...well...

Somerset turns in his seat to look Doe in the eye.

SOMERSET: ...then it's strange you took so much pleasure in it.

Somerset stares at Doe. Does stares back. After a moment, Somerset turns back to the road ahead.

SOMERSET: You enjoyed torturing those people. That's not really in keeping with martyrdom, is it?

It's the first time anything's gotten to Doe. He's ashamed though trying not to let it bother him."

Here, Somerset makes Doe reconsider his motives for his rampage.

No one escapes self-examination, not even the antagonist.

This immediately sets this script apart because most horror scripts do not grapple with the human dilemma at its core.

Lesser scripts just focus on the gory bits.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I relied on the human dilemmas in order to make the gorier bits easier to read.

Seven (1995)
by Andrew Kevin Walker

TODAY'S NUGGET: #92 WGA Script of All Time - Psycho (1960)

[Quick Summary: When a young woman absconds with her boss' client's money, she ends up at the Bates' motel, where it's always the wrong place & wrong time.]

I do not like horror nor creepy, & have never read nor seen the whole Psycho.

So how surprised am I that this is the best horror script I've read to date? Very.

This is an extremely fast read (even at 133 pgs.) & breaks all kinds of rules.  ex. The protagonist, dies about 1/3 into the story & is replaced by another one (Norman Bates).

But Psycho is heads & tails above all other horror scripts because it structures the fear so well.

Every level pushes the character off a ledge (cliffhangers = high vertical suspense), & can only be answered by the next level (this increases pace = fast horizontal speed).

ex. LEVEL 1 - The writer establishes empathy for Marion & sends her to the Bates motel. This sets up an unresolved question: Why did she have to die?  We liked her & this is disturbing!

LEVEL 2 - Then the writer sends a private eye to the motel & he dies.  The fear rises to a panic: Doesn't anyone notice?  Who will stop these deaths?!

LEVEL 3 - So when Marion's sister & Marion's boyfriend come to investigate, the fear is at an all time high.  Don't split up! Why are you two splitting up? You know there are crazy Bates who've killed twice!

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The genius of Psycho is that we expect Marion to live, but she doesn't...& the script doesn't die, but speeds up.

Psycho (1960)
by Joseph Stefano