TODAY'S NUGGET: The Defiant Ones (1958) - How Does an Oscar Winning Script Build Up to an Unexpected Turn/Twist?

[Quick Summary: Two chained prisoners, one black, one white, escape and have to work together to get to freedom.]

How does one craft an unexpected turn in a script?

In this Oscar winning script,* I noticed that the turns were built on a hope-fear-hope-fear rhythm.

For example, in the scene below: 
- Two prisoners, Cullen and Jackson, are shackled together and have been on the run for days. 
- Cullen is white. Jackson is black.
- They come across a single woman and her son.
- They hold the woman at gun point and send the son to fetch a chisel and hammer.
- The scene begins in fear: These men have been through a lot in prison, don't like each other, and are chained together.
- The scene turns hopeful: They final get the shackles off.
- Fear strikes again out of nowhere: They've been so afraid of their pursuers (external), the last thing they thought would trip them up is their bodies (internal). 

INT. CABIN -- FULL SHOT

...Jackson lays his wrist on the stone and holds the chisel over the cuff. Three ringing blows and the iron falls off his wrist.

CULLEN: Now me.

They exchange instruments. Jackson aims carefully. One smash and the iron separates. Jackson looks at Cullen and grins sickly. Cullen reaches for the gun. Both men measure each other. 

CULLEN (licks his lips): We cut loose now.

Jackson's grin fades. His eye hood. Without warning, he drops the hammer, staggers Cullen catches him and carries him to the  bed..  

 WOMAN: What's the matter with him?

CULLEN: He's sick. Got poison in his system. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The fear-hope-fear-hope rhythm is a good tool to keep the story going. The suspense can hide an unexpected upcoming turn/twist. 

The Defiant Ones (1958) 
by  Nathan E. Douglas and Harold Jacob Smith
Based upon the story, "The Long Road," by Douglas and Smith

*FYI: This film was nominated in 9 times, including the first nomination for an African American actor for Sydney Poitier.

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Day After Tomorrow (unproduced) - An Effective Use of "SAME TIME" and "CUT TO:" for Clarity, Tempo

[Quick Summary: After he spots the man who killed his father, a traumatized surgeon goes on the run to pursue the killer.]

Writers Clement and la Frenais are well-known for their humor, but I have also enjoyed their action chops. 

Today's script has great action that's easy to follow, even though there are multiple, simultaneous story arcs.  I wasn't ever lost or confused.  How did they do it? 

As I read, I noticed two helpful sets of transition words that I tend to forget to use*: 

1) Using SAME TIME - This was sort of a "hold the main arc for a minute, we're taking a side trip" reminder to me.

 2) Using "CUT TO:" - When reading at full speed, I didn't pay much attention to this.  Looking back, I do think it's very helpful as a rhythm thing, to unconsciously flag that there was going to be a switch in tempo. 

The scene below is a good example that uses both these transitions: 
- Paul was a child, when Kanarack killed Paul's father.
- Paul saw Kanarack in their house and never forgot Kanarack's face.
- Paul hires a p.i. who tracks down Kanarack and the location of his house. 
- Paul goes into Kanarack's house to find proof this is the right guy.
- Try reading this scene at full speed first.  Then re-read it, noticing that "SAME TIME" and "CUT TO" are subtle clues to changes of POV and tempo.
- Also notice that despite the multiple arcs, there is clarity because there is unity of action: Paul is trespassing in Kanarack's house. Kanarack is after Paul. Someone is shooting at them both. 

EXT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE

The Jaguar pulls up the driveway...Kanarack climbs out. Sees the broken window.

                                                                   CUT TO: 

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- CLOSET

Paul rummages in a FOOTLOCKER...Packets of MONEY in various CURRENCIES...Paul finds a plastic ENVELOPE...Opens it as he moves to the bedroom to read them in the daylight... 

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- KITCHEN

As Kanarack enters the kitchen, the cat SCURRIES OUTSIDE...Kanarack listens intently as he tiptoes inside...Slowly, quietly he opens a drawer...Finds a CHEF'S KNIFE...Knife at the ready, he tiptoes inside...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- BEDROOM

As Paul moves to access the daylight from the windows, he riffles through the DOCUMENTS in the plastic envelope...PASSPORTS with several different IDENTITIES, all with Kanarack's photo...Also DRIVER'S LICENSES...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- STAIRS

Brandishing the knife, Kanarack moves slowly up the stairs...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. BEDROOM

As Paul continues to go through the documents, something catches his eye. His brow furrows, puzzled... 

A DIPLOMATIC PASSPORT issued by the government of SYRIA, with Kanarack's photo and a phony identity...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME KANARACK'S HOUSE

POV -- THROUGH TELESCOPIC SIGHT

Following Paul through the lace curtains of the bedroom windows...A SNIPER, 20s, Palestinian, on a nearby rooftop...The CROSSHAIRS line up over Paul's HEAD...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- BEDROOM

Paul looks at the Syrian passport, thinks a beat...Glances out the window...He pulls the curtain back for a better look...

PAUL'S POV

As the CAT plays on the front lawn...

CLOSE ON -- PAUL

Wondering...How did the cat get on the front lawn... He realizes...That Kanarack is INSIDE THE HOUSE...Just as... 

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE 

...The SNIPER pulls on the trigger of his silenced .580 SNIPER'S RIFLE...PFFFFFT!...

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. BEDROOM

Paul TURNS inside just as the glass SHATTERS...A floral pillow EXPLODES in feathers as the headboard of the bed behind it SPLINTERS..

Terrified, Paul THROWS himself to the floor... 

                                                                   CUT TO:

INT. SAME TIME. KANARACK'S HOUSE -- STAIRS

Kanarack hears the noise of the impact, the thud of Paul's body as it falls...He FREEZES on the stairs... 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When I write, these transitions seem clunky, sticking out like sore thumbs. However, when I read, they establish a tempo, so they aren't as noticeable, more like background players.

Also: unity in an action scene helps keep multiple story arcs from being confusing. 

The Day After Tomorrow (unproduced)
by  Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais

* I visualize these transitions like bowling alley gutter bumpers that keep kids' bowling balls on track (photo example here).

TODAY'S NUGGET: Sherlock Holmes (2009) - Why "Vari-Speed" Tells Us About Character

[Quick Summary: Holmes and sidekick Dr. Watson are on the trail of an enemy that wants to destroy England.

I wasn't surprised that this script was tailored to its director Guy Ritchie, who favors cinematic techniques like swish pans, slow motion, etc.

I was surprised to see how the writers included these techniques on the page, ex. "vari-speed" in the scene below. 

I think it works because it shows the speed of Holmes' thoughts. In other words, "vari-speed" is about character, not just a cool technique. 

INT. CATHEDRAL CRYPTS - ENTRANCE - NIGHT 

 ...We see Holmes' eyes from the shadows, as he lowers his jacket and thinks through his plan of attack.

HOLMES (V.O.): Head cocked to the left, partial deafness in right ear. FIrst point of attack.

PRE-VISUALIZATION IN VARI-SPEED

FOCUS ON the spot behind the man's right ear, just at the top of the jaw -- the most vulnerable point. Holmes launches a hammer blow, and we ramp from 24 fps to 00 fps (ULTRA SLOW MOTIONS) as he makes contact. The man's head is thrown back as he spins round.

HOLMES (V.O.): Then throat, paralyze vocal chords, stop screaming.

BACK TO 24 fps. The man's mouth opens to cry out. we RAMP BACK UP TO 400 fps as his Adam's Apple is struck with a precision karate chop, strangling his scream.

HOLMES (V.O.): Stink of alcohol, heavy drinker -- knuckles to liver.

BACK TO 24 fps, RAMPING TO 400 fps as a devastating knuckle-punch to the liver doubles up the bowler-hatted thug and crumples him to his knees.

SECOND-TIME ACTION - SUPER FAST REPEAT OF ABOVE

Holmes flashes out of the shadows, moving so fast that we can barely see what he's doing.

THWACK! Hammer blow to ear.
CRACK! Karate chop to throat.
WHAP! Knuckle punch to liver.

BACK TO NORMAL MOTION as the man crumples to the ground, Holmes takes his bowler hat from his head and flips it onto his own in one super fast move.

Holmes drags the battered man into the shadows, lifts his lantern and proceeds down the spiral staircase. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Beware using a cool technique without linking it to character. One works. The other will come off flat.

Sherlock Holmes (2009)(9/29/08 draft)
by Michael Robert Johnson and Anthony Peckham and Simon Kinberg

Story by Lionel Wigram and Michael Robert Johnson

2026 OSCARS: Marty Supreme (2025) - One Key to a Hair Pin "Reversal of Fortune" Moment (Hope-Fear)

[Quick Summary A table tennis player is thwarted as he schemes, cons, and hustles friends and strangers to finance a trip to the World Championship.]

TWO THOUGHTS: 

1)  PROS:
- This is a well written, script and reads fast.
- The script attempts to capture a bold, foolhardy emotional roller coaster.   
- The protagonist is an audacious, confident, unpleasantly selfish young man. 

CONS: 
- I appreciate the criticism that the story seems to be a scatter shot of events that aren't cohesive and build to something (episodic?).   
- Though life is very episodic, trying to connect events that are not "one of a whole" is distracting.  Also, the start-stop-start-stop rhythm is distracting.
- You'll either love its truthfulness, or hate the jerkiness of the flow.  

2) ALWAYS EMOTIONALLY TRUTHFUL.  Like its protagonist, the script takes big swings that may/may not work. For the most part, it works.

Why? I think it's because the writers were careful to be truthful with emotions, especially in the big moments.

For example, in the scene below:
- This is a hair pin, "reversal of fortune" moment.
- Milton Rockwell, a rich guy, offered to sponsor Marty in Japan.
- Marty turned Rockwell down because he had principles.
- Marty has slept with Milton's actress wife. Milton doesn't know.
- Now Marty is begging for that job back because he has no other options.
- Why would we believe Marty would change his mind now? Earlier, it was setup that there isn't anything he won't do - steal, bargain, con, etc.
- Then in this scene, emotions flip flop quickly between hope and fear, desperation and bravado. 
- Note that the audience can stick to these hair pin emotional turns because they're always truthful. Marty is really that fast - a fast speaker, a fast hustler, a fast opportunist.

EXT. MOROSCO THEATER - CONTINUOUS 

...MILTON steps into the car. The Chauffeur heads around to the driver's side. MARTY raps his knuckles on the window.

MARTY: Mr. Rockwell...(knock knock) Please.... (knock knock) Mr. Rockwell... [Fear. Descending. Desperation. He's at rock bottom.]

MILTON (voice muffled through the glass): What!

MARTY: Look, let's be pragmatists for a second. Put your personal feelings about me aside. You and I both know the kind of value I'd bring to an event with Endo on his home turf. You said so yourself. I'm like a stick of dynamite over there. Whatever other plans you've made, they're going to pale in comparison... [Hope. Ascending. There's hope, a crack in the door.]

A pause.

MARTY (CONT'D): Can we just sit and talk about this reasonably for 2 minutes? There's more than enough common ground here. [Hope. Ascending. He's widening the door.]

Another pause. 

MILTON: Fine, get in the car.

MARTY: Thank you!

MARTY runs around to the passenger side. MILTON motions to the driver and the car takes off. MARTY runs alongside it, banging on the window, until he can't keep up.  [Fear. Descending. The door is slammed.]

MARTY (CONT'D): SON OF A BITCH! YOU WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE THE IDEA IF IT WASN'T FOR ME!! [Fear. Descending fast into the ground.]

The car continues down the street. [Fear. Hits rock bottom again.]

Hold a few beats on MARTY, stewing. He steps back on the curb and realizes that Kay's ASSISTANT has been standing there, uncomfortable, waiting to speak to him. [Hair pin turn into hope. Ascending.]

MARTY (CONT'D): What!

ASSISTANT: Um, Ms. Stone would like to have lunch with you. [Hope. Ascending fast.]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: One key to staying on the rails, even in a hair pin "reversal of fortune" moment, is staying emotionally true to the character. 

I would've been pulled out of the story if Marty, who is a self-absorbed, fast talking, opportunistic person, suddenly grew a conscience, or slowed down to think. 

Marty Supreme (2025)(dated 2/2/25)
by Ronald Bronstein & Josh Safdie

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Man Who Would Be King (1975) - One Element in World Building To Deliver "Adventure in All Its Glory!"

[Quick Summary: In 1880s India, two Englishmen decide to become kings in Kafiristan, a place where no white man had been since Alexander the Great.]

Recently, I read Kipling's famous short story, The Man Who Would Be King (1888),  and marveled at how it takes you so effortlessly on a grand adventure. 

Would the script deliver the promise from the film's posters ("Adventure in all its glory!")?  It did.

I was surprised at:
1) how faithful this script is to the short story 
2) the fact that the script's ending is more hopeful than the short story.
3) the fact that what sells a great adventure film is how it brings the audience into an untraveled world.  (After all, international travel was uncommon at the time.)

An example of the last point can be found in the scene below: 
- Kipling, the author, put himself into the story as a young newspaper publisher.
- Carnehan (Michael Caine) is one of the English con men.
- I really liked how the writers took the time to set the scene with vivid details, both familiar (our protagonist buying a ticket) and unfamiliar (swarming travelers). 
- I also really liked how they didn't rush the timing of the reveal. Carnehan doesn't look at his loot until he's certain Kipling isn't looking for it. 

 

INT. LAHORE RAILWAY STATION - FULL SHOT - DAY

A swarm of travellers: Sedate Brahmins, shrill Vishnamites, Shivites with caste marks on their palms, Sikhs with daggers in their hair. Crouching Moslem women, in purdah, are like a cluster of little tents.

Two Laden Orderlies shout to clear a passage for a brace of young English Subalterns in the brilliant turbans, sashes and coats of a Horse Regiment. An English family, women and children, wait beside an enormous bastion of trunks and hatboxes. CAMERA PANS to the MOVING CUE before a ticket window, MOVES to:

CLOSE SHOT - KIPLING

KIPLING (to Clerk): Jodhpore... 

As he unbuttons his coat and reaches into a trouser pocket, a HAND comes into SCENE and deftly removes a watch and chain from his waistcoat. Kipling pays for his ticket, picks up his telescope traveling case and turns away from the window. His place is taken by the thief, a sharp-faced man in soiled whites: Carenhan. He pushes a small coin forward onto the counter.

CARNEHAN: Platform ticket.

The roar of a train entering the station SOUNDS over scene as he, in turn, leaves the window. He watches Kipling climb the ramp to the station platform and continue out of sight - then takes the stolen watch out of his pocket and examines it. He frowns and starts slightly.

 INSERT - WATCH-CHAIN AND EMBLEM

The Enblem resting int he palm of his hand: it is the insignia of a Grand Master Freemason - the rayed, all-seeing Eye of God above a pendant square, within the spread arms of a compass.

CARNEHAN'S VOICE (O.S.): Blast!

MEDIUM SHOT - CARNEHAN

Pocketing the watch, he begins to push his way through the crowd toward the ramp. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When building an unfamiliar world, it's helpful to include things that ARE familiar in order to give the audience some context.

The Man Who Would Be King (1975)(11/15/74 draft)
by John Huston and Gladys Hill
Adapted from a short story by Rudyard Kipling/

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Naked Gun: From the Files of the Police Squad (1988) - Impressive Variety & Number of Jokes Per Page (& A Caution)

[Quick Summary: Bumbling Chicago Det. Frank Drebin is on the case, trying to foil drug cartels and the assassinators of Queen Elizabeth II.]

My favorite part of any Zuckers-Abrams-Proft script is the number and variety of jokes stuffed in every page - visual jokes, verbal jokes, puns, slapstick, gags, etc.

For example, in this scene below, Frank is in the lab with his boss Ed and Mr. Olsen, the head of the lab:

INT. POLICE LAB - DAY

...AL enters. Since he's seven feet tall, his head is OUT OF FRAME. He's holding a shoe box. [Visually funny and interesting because we only see a torso.]

AL: Here's the package you wanted, Chief.

He sets it on the desk.

ED: Thanks, Al.

Al turns to leave. Ed stops him.

ED (cont.): Al, you're out of uniform again. Regulation headgear only. You know that.

AL: Sorry, Chief, I was just trying something different.

He places a large Mexican sombrero down on the desk and exits. Frank looks after him, a bit puzzled. Olsen opens the shoe box. He pulls out a man's shoe. [This gag is both verbally and visually funny. We don't expect a police officer wearing a sombrero, nor a tall man wearing a tall hat.]

MR. OLSEN: Here's something we developed only yesterday. To the casual observer, an ordinary shoe. But in actuality...

INSERT - SHOE

A knife springs out of the toe like a switchblade. [This is a genre joke. It's expected, but only if you've seen this contraption before in other spy or James Bond films.]

INT. POLICE LAB - DAY

MR. OLSEN: It makes quite a handy weapon... 

Now Olsen swings out more knives, various tools, scissors, bottles opener/screwdriver, corkscrew, etc. [This is a heightened joke, playing off of what we'd expect and then adding to it.]

MR. OLSEN (cont.): ...And everything a cop in the field would need. We call it the Swiss Army Shoe. [Pun of "Swiss Army knife."]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I noticed two simultaneous things: 

First, the number of the jokes per page seemed to create its own propulsive energy, and made me want to see what happened next.

However, over time, the sheer density of jokes per page became wearying to read.  I think what was really helpful was to have a different rhythm in there, i.e., Frank falling in love, to break up the same-ness of tone.

The Naked Gun: From the Files of the Police Squad (1988)(12/10/87 revised)
by Jerry Zucker, Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, Pat Proft 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Charade (1963) - Balancing Genre Tones (Mystery, Romcom); Earning the Kiss Takes TIME

[Quick Summary: After her husband steals a fortune from five thieves, a widow falls for one of the men pursuing her.]

If nailing the tone in a romantic comedies is tricky, it's exponentially harder when mixing in another genre.  How does one balance them??

Let's look at this script, which is:
- a mystery (puzzle)
- with the spine of a rom-com (two people become a couple). 

I think these two things keep this script balanced: 

1) The essential question for a romcom is, "What is keeping the couple apart?"
- Here, it is the mystery of the location of the stolen money.
- Also, the subtext to this mystery is motive, "What does she/he want?".
- HER: Does he want me, or the money?
- HIM: Is she more important to me, or the money?

2) MORE TIME THAN YOU THINK. For a kiss to feel earned, there needs to be a closeness, a shared vulnerability. It's not a secret this only happens with time. 

The scene belong is long, but shows how balance works:
- Note the tone never falls to ALL mystery or ALL romcom.
- They're talking about the mystery, but the subtext is "me or the money."
- After they've revealed vulnerabilities, she feels secure enough for a kiss.
- Note: He lied to her, saying he was the brother of one of the thieves (Dyle).

EXT. SEINE - BATEAU MOUCHE -- DUSK

... DYLE: Are you trying to say that I might have killed Charles and Scobie?

She doesn't answer.

DYLE: What do I have to do to satisfy you -- become the next victim?
REGGIE: It's a start, anyway.
DYLE: I don't understand you at all -- one minute you're chasing me around the shower room and the next you're accusing me of murder.
REGGIE: Carson Dyle didn't have a brother.

WIDER ANGLE

She rises from the table and walks away. DYLE hesitates a moment, then follows.

DYLE: I can explain if you'll just listen. Will you listen? [He begins to open up.]
REGGIE (looking at river): I can't very well leave without a pair of water wings.
DYLE: Okay. Then get set for the story of my life -- not that it would ever make the best-seller list.
REGGIE: Fiction or non-fiction?
DYLE: Why don't you shut up!
REGGIE: Well!
DYLE: Are you going to listen?
REGGIE: Go on.
DYLE: After I graduated college I was all set to go into my father business. Umbrella frames -- that's what he made. It was a sensible business, I suppose, but I didn't have the sense to be interested in anything sensible. [He's sharing his story, but it may be a lie.]
REGGIE: I suppose all this is leading somewhere?
DYLE: It led me away from umbrella frames, for one thing. But that left me without any honest means of support.
REGGIE: What do you mean?
DYLE: When a man has no profession except the one he loathes, what's left? I began looking for people with more money than they'd ever need -- including some they'd barely miss.
REGGIE: (astonished): You mean, you're a thief?
DYLE: Well, it isn't exactly the term I'd have chosen, but I suppose it captures the spirit of the thing.
REGGIE: I don't believe it.
DYLE: Well, I can't really blame you -- not now.
REGGIE: But I do believe it -- that's what I don't believe. So it's goodbye Alexander Dye -- Welcome home Peter Joshua. [She allows herself to believe.]
DYLE: Sorry, the name's Adam Canfield.
REGGIE: Adam Canfield. Wonderful. Do you realize you've had three names in the past two days? I don't even know who I'm talking to any more.
DYLE (now called ADAM): The man's the same, even if the name isn't.
REGGIE: No -- he's not the same. Alexander Dyle was interested in clearing up his brother's death. Adam Canfied is a crook. And with all the advantages you've got -- brains, charm, education, a handsome face --  [She admits to feelings.]
ADAM: Oh, come on!
REGGIE: -- there has to be a darn good reason for living the way you do. I want to know what it is.
ADAM: It's simple. I like what I do -- I enjoy doing it. There aren't many men who love their work as much as I do. Look around some time.
REGGIE: Is there a Mrs. Canfield?
ADAM: Yes, but --
ADAM REGGIE (together): -- we're divorced.  [More personal revelations.]
ADAM: Right. Now go eat your dinner.

ANOTHER ANGLE

They walk back to the table, where a WAITER is busy putting food on it, mostly on REGGIE's side.

REGGIE (miserably): I could eat a horse.
ADAM (looking at all the food): I think that's what you ordered.
REGGIE: Don't you dare to be civil with me! All this time you were leading me on --
ADAM: How was I leading you on?
REGGIE: All that marvelous rejection -- you know I couldn't resist it. Now it turns out you were only interested in the money.  [She admits he got to her.]
ADAM: That's right.
REGGIE (HURT): Oh!  [Her vulnerable moment.]
ADAM: What would you like me to say -- that a pretty girl with an outrageous manner means more to an old pro like me than a quarter of a million dollars? [His vulnerable moment.]
REGGIE: No -- I guess not.
ADAM: It's a toss-up, I can tell you that.
REGGIE: What?
ADAM: Don't you know I'm having a tough time keeping my eyes off of you? [Vulnerable moment.]

REGGIE reacts in surprise.

ADAM: Oh, you should see your face.  [Moment of shared humor.]
REGGIE: What about it?
ADAM (taking her hand, nicely): It's lovely. [Sincere compliment.]

She looks at him with happy amazement, then pushes her plate away.

ADAM: What's the matter?
REGGIE: I'm not hungry -- isn't it glorious? [She is finally secure.]

The lights go out.

REGGIE (alarmed): Adam!
ADAM: It's all right -- look.

EXT. SEINE BATEAU MOUCHE - NIGHT

A searchlight near the boat's bridge has gone on and now begins sweeping the river banks. On benches by the water's edge, lovers are surprised by the bright light which suddenly and without warning discovers them in various attitudes of mutual affection. Some are embarrassed, some are amused and some (the most intimate) damn annoyed. One even shakes his fist at the light.

MED. SHOT -- REGGIE AND ADAM

Who, like everyone else, leave the table and stand together at the rail watching.

REGGIE: You don't look so bad in this light.
ADAM: Why do you think I brought you here?
REGGIE (indicating the lovers): I thought maybe you wanted me to see the kind of work the competition was turning out.
ADAM: Pretty good, huh? I taught them everything they do.
REGGIE: Oh? Did they do that sort of thing way back in your day?
ADAM: How do you think I got here?

She rises on tip-toes and kisses him gently; his only reaction is to look at her.  [She makes the first move!]

REGGIE: Aren't you allowed to kiss back?
ADAM: No. The doctor said it would be bad for my -- thermostat.

She kisses him again. He responds a little better.

ADAM: When you come on, you really come on.
REGGIE: Well -- come on.

She starts to kiss him again, but he stops her.

REGGIE: I know why you're not taken -- no one can catch up with you.
ADAM: Relax -- you're gaining.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: 1) Put the mystery between the lovers; 2) An excellent subtext of a mystery is "me or the money." 3) Truthful intimacy will take time on the page.

Charade (1963)(10/1/62 draft)
by Peter Stone
Based on a story by Peter Stone and Marc Behm

TODAY'S NUGGET: Little Nikita (1988) - Re-Writing Three Writers Ahead of You; Sensitivity to Character, Tone

[Quick Summary:  FBI Agent (Sidney Poitier) tries to unmask two Russian sleeper spies and strikes up an unlikely friendship with their son (River Phoenix).]

I've been reading my way through the scripts of double Oscar winner (and triple nominee) Bo Goldman. His work has noticeable depth.*

His originals are impressive (ex. Melvin and Howard, Scent of a Woman), but I've become even more fascinated in how he elevated scripts in his re-write work.

His handiwork is particularly evident in character relationships, even if the final film was not well received (as today's script was not).**  

I think Goldman's sensitivity to characters is seen well in the scene below:
- Jeff is about to interview for the Air Force.
- This may look like an easy scene, but read all the way to the end to see the shifts in tone (semi-serious - shooting the breeze - life changing moment - fork in the road).
- Notice how realistic the silly/serious line is among guy friends.

INT. TEENAGERS' VW - DAY

Rolling down the San Diego County roads, Bret at the wheel, Jeff beside him, in the back, Tom and Tony. Tom and Tony and Bret are guzzling cans of soda and munching potato chips while Jeff sits moodily, his arms folded.

BRET (to Jeff): Don't you want a Mountain Dew?

TOM (heavily): Don't force him, today is crucial.

Tom chug-a-lugs his soda noisily, Jeff glances back at him.

JEFF: Okay, gimme one.

Tony pops a can, hands it to Jeff.

TONY: Are we ready, folks, I'm the interviewer...

BRET: And I'm Jeff...

TONY: Son!

BRET: Yes, sir!

TONY: Straighen up, son!

BRET: Yes, sir!

TONY: Statistics, son!

BRET: 'Statistics!' Fire away, sir!

TONY: Barbara Kerry's statistics?!

BRET: 34-18 --

TONY: 69!

Laughs. Jeff doesn't.

JEFF: Okay, okay, I got it.

Jeff shifts the can of soda in his hand. Tom, a gentle giant, removes it from him, gulps the rest.

TOM: ...Why's your interview first?

TONY: Yeah, how come you rate?

BRET: The boy must have clout.

TONY: Your father cal somebody?

TOM: My father knows Chuck Yeager. He autographed his book for my dad. General Yeager may sponsor me. 

TONY: Dr. Ruth autographed her book for my dad.

BRET: Yeah, she may sponsor me.

TONY: ...Who's Chuck Yeager?

TOM: Chuck Yeager? The Sound Barrier? Greatest pilot in the world? Any of this mean anything? I don't think the Air Force is for you, Tony.

Tony looks at him blankly.

TOM (contd): ...Gentlemen, The Wrong Stuff!

Sudden silence as Bret pulls up alongside Camp Pendelton headquarters. Brassy uniforms file in and out of the nerve center of the huge Marine base.

TONY: Good luck, buddy --

TOM: And remember, you live in fame, go down in flame --

But Jeff has already jumped out, is jogging toward the headquarters door, the boys watching as he passes grizzled sergeants, hash-marks up their arms. Jeff glances back now, the boys wave to him reassuringly. Finally, Bret pees out, cacophonous voices float back over the parking lot, "Off we go, into the wild, blue yonder..."

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I really liked how realistic this small, but memorable, moment was.

I think it's the writer's rhythm that makes the difference: deft use of shifts in tone; the characters going off on tangents, not talking about the interview ahead.

Little Nikita (1988)(9/15/86 Bo Goldman draft)
by John Hill and Bo Goldman
Story by Tom Musca and Terry Schwartz
* Writer Eric Roth (Forrest Gump, The Insider) said this about Goldman: 

“The man whose work made the biggest impression on me, because of his audacious originality, his understanding of social mores, his ironic sense of humor, and his outright anger at being human, and all with his soft spoken grace and eloquent simplicity is Bo Goldman. This degenerate horse player of a man lived his life like he lived his politics, never shying from a fight. His words were silk, never wasted or misplaced, and he would throw away what others would consider glorious and did it all without a moment’s fanfare.”

**Roger Ebert acknowledged that this was one of those packaged deals that was trying to reach a big audience, especially parents and teens. 

He also pinpointed some of the story's flaws:

"...It turns all of the characters into chess pieces, whose relationships depend on the plot, not on human chemistry. Since the plot is absurdly illogical, you're not left with much....

Everything leads up to the single most unbelievable chain of coincidences in recent movie history, when the entire plot depends on all of the key characters accidentally boarding the same trolley car. 

Because 'Little Nikita' is impossible to believe, impossible even to accept as a plausible fantasy, it is impossible to care about. 

As a general rule, a thriller must have some sort of interior consistency; if anything can happen, how can we feel any suspense about what does happen?"

2023 OSCARS: Women Talking (2022) - Unexpected Arrival --> An Unusual Inter-generational Sense of Urgency

[Quick Summary: After women of a insular religious colony have been secretly drugged and raped by men in their colony, they must decide whether to stay or go.]

The protagonists here have the odds stacked against them, and it's great for tension.

They cannot read, write, or own anything.  They do not even know where they live on a map.  They've been secretly drugged and raped for the last two years.

But the film is essentially the group weighing their options the barn.  How would the writer would keep the tension up in Act 2? 

First, there is a ticking clock.  The men are in the city to post bail for the suspects and will only be gone a couple of days. The script moves along at a certain rhythm.

Then the rhythm is interrupted and the clock is sped up by the unexpected return of one man, Klaas. This immediately ups the tension and urgency for all.

However, I was particularly impressed by how this one arrival caused three different reactions in the women from his family (see notes below).

In the scene below:
- There has been a moment of laughter in the previous scene.
- Greta is the mother of Mariche. Mariche is married to Klaas.  Their daughter is Autje.
- Greta's beloved horses are Ruth and Cheryl.
- Notice the emotional effect of Klaas' unexpected return on an inter-generational level:  He is coming back to take his mother-in-law's horses.  His wife is afraid of him personally. His daughter must be too, to side with her mom.

INT. HAYLOFT - LATE AFTERNOON

...When it dies down, Autje, looks around at all of the women, her face serious.

AUTJE: Excuse me. Excuse me. The Census taker just told us that one of our men is planning to return late tonight. He is coming to get some old horses to auction.

GRETA: Ruth and Cheryl!

NEITJE: They need more bail money for the attackers.

Greta lifts her arms into the air. She stumbles back to her seat. Agata sharpens her gaze. They all clamber hastily back to their seats for the meeting. Autje climbs back up into the hayloft and takes her seat as well.

MARICHE: Tonight?

Autje nods.

MARICHE (CONT'D): Which man?

AUTJE: Father.

NEITJE: Your Klaas.

Mariche makes the smallest of small sounds.

MARICHE (quietly, trying to absorb this): Oh.

AGATA: So. Time is of the essence. Everyone get back to your seats.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I've seen an unexpected arrival cause an added sense of urgency before, but not three different reactions in one family like the scene above.

Women Talking (2022)(4/12/21 production draft)
by Sarah Polley
Based upon the book by Miriam Toews

TODAY'S NUGGET: Identity (2003) - How to Infuse Energy into Act 2 (Anticipation of Clues)

[Quick Summary: With a homicidal prisoner potentially on the loose, ten strangers, who are stranded at a lonely motel, are being killed off one by one.]

Q: If you had to sum up this script in word, what would it be?
A: ENERGY.

Q: Even in the dreaded act 2?
A: That's what made it so unusual!  The energy never flagged.

Q: Why is that?
A: Anticipation, i.e., with each clue revealed, the stakes rose for the survivors.

Q: Can you give a good example?
A: In the scene below, notice that our curiosity is lit with an audible clue
--> we see the aftermath of a horror scene, which keeps us curious
--> the characters find more clues
--> they realize what this means for them
--> and we have to turn the page to get to see if they're right.

EXT. COURTYARD -- NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS

In the rain-soaked earth, Ed finds --

A single shower curtain ring...Then another...

They lead like breadcrumbs from Caroline's room out and away to the rear of the motel. Ed follows them to the walkway of a rundown swimming pool half-filled with rainwater.

Then he notices -- THE SWINGING GATE -- leading out into the black desert. Thunder cracks.

And then he hears it...

A dull metallic thudding...Bang-bang... Bang-bang... He tries to distinguish it from the downpour... Bang-bang... Bang-bang...He heads off around the side of the building...  [Audible clue!]

INT. MOTEL LAUNDRY -- NIGHT

Darkness before Ed switches on the overhead fluorescent... Bang-bang... Bang-bang... THREE DRYERS ARE ON -- But one of them is making the noise... Bang-bang... Inside one of them, something inside is tumbling over and over...

Ed reaches out to a dryer door. Bang-bang... Bang-bang...Opens it... Nothing. It shuts off.

Ed cautiously opens the SECOND DRYER -- NOTHING... It shuts off.

Hesitantly, he opens THE THIRD DRYER -- And finds -- [By the Rule of 3, we expect something here, rhythmically in the story, but there is nothing.]

A pair of sneakers klunking round and round in the dryer. They come to a stop. Ed sighs -- but then notices --

EYES -- staring at him -- reflected in the circular glass on the dryer door -- [Then, BAM! Surprise clue!]

Ed spins around to face --

CAROLINE'S DECAPITATED HEAD staring at him from the fourth dryer cradle. Rhodes and Larry enter and freeze...

LARRY: Oh, Jesus Mother of God. That's a... (notices Ed's stony expression) ...you're real calm for a guy staring at a human head.

Ed considers this.

ED: She wasn't that human. [A little humor can't be bad.]

Rhodes kneels in front of the dryer and reaches inside.

ED (CONT'D): 'The hell you doing?

RHODES: ...There's something in there. [Another clue? Anticipation!]

Ed hands Rhodes a dryer sheet.

ED: Use this.

LARRY: ...You a cop?

Rhodes and Ed lock eyes.

ED: Not anymore.

Rhodes pulls out a BLOOD SOAKED OBJECT and examines it...

IT IS A MOTEL ROOM KEY -- NUMBER TEN. [Clue! What does it mean?!]

LARRY: Oh, man. That is fucked up.

ED: Was she in room ten?

LARRY (shakes his head, then points to Rhodes): ...They were.

ED (to Rhodes): Where's your guy?

RHODES (uneasy): ...'Cuffed to a toilet.  [Oh no!  Gotta turn the page to see if the prisoner guy is still in Rm. 10, or on the loose.]

                                                             CUT TO:

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I like that the stakes increased organically (threatened the characters in realistic way) vs. artificially (only there to get us from point A to B).

Identity (2003)(revised draft)
by Michael Cooney and James Mangold

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Prize Fighter (1979) - Showing How a Fight is Fixed (Setup-Payoff)

[Quick Summary: Mobster Mike lures Bags, an awful boxer, and Shake, his corner guy, into training at Pop's gym, in hopes of getting his hands on the gym.]

Let me say it from the start: Not everyone can (or likes to) write comedy. But why?

Director Alexander MacKendrick put it very elegantly:

‘Comedy is hard’ (last words of Edmund Kean). Comedy plays best in the mastershot. Comic structure is simply dramatic structure but MORE SO: neater, shorter, faster. Don’t attempt comedy until you are really expert in structuring dramatic material.MacKendrick says it very elegantly above, but I'd never understood what he meant until I had to write one myself. (emphasis mine)

I still didn't understand what he meant until I took a stab myself.  I discovered what one can only discover by doing it: There is an unforgiving rhythm to comedy.*

The truth of "neater, shorter, faster" can be seen in today's script, one of two, which comedian/writer Tim Conway wrote for himself and friend Don Knotts.

In this story, Bags (Conway) and Shake (Knotts) are being set up for a fall.

In the scene below:
-Notice how neat, short, fast the sentences read. Great economy of writing.
-Notice how it keeps our eye moving around the room (setup).
-I underlined the payoff.  Why is it funny? He wins with eyes closed, which the audience knows is impossible and unexpected...unless it's fixed.

INT. CARNIVAL TENT RING - NIGHT

...MIKE

takes a real interest in what's happening with the ring work Bags has come up with. The Champ actually takes a few pokes at Bags but can't seem to catch up to him. Mike leans forward. He likes what he sees. He whispers to Flower. Flower signals the SECOND in the Champ's corner. The Second gets the message.

SECOND (to Champ): Hey, Mule...

He motions to him with a thumbs down signal. The Champ questions it by looking to Mike. Mike nods his head in agreement. The Champ shrugs his shoulders and moves to Bags. He beings to corner Bags so he has no choice but to hit the Champ. He does so with his eyes closed. The Champ goes down. The crowd yells for him.  Bags opens his eyes. He sees the Champ down and out. He bends over to help him.

BAGS: I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, honest.

The Champ looks at him with one eye like, what the hell is the matter with you.

Shake is wide-eyed. He can't believe it. Jimmy goes to Bags and holds his hand high.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: In a drama, you have a lot more leeway with time. The rhythm can ebb and flow at leisure, like waves on a beach.  

In a comedy, you have little leeway.  The rhythm is much more structured, insistent, demanding, like a military march.

The Prize Fighter (1979)
by Tim Conway and John Myhers
Story by Tim Conway

*Writers, please DO NOT take my word for it. Please try it out for yourself and see if comedy fits you or not.  Scientific method the heck out of it.

This a-ha! moment is brought to you by Years of My Own Pain.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Monkey Business (1931) - The Rule of Three: In Word Play & to Show "I Like You"

[Quick Summary: On a transatlantic voyage, the Marx Brothers annoy everyone.]

As you may know, the Marx brothers films are light on plot, but heavy on fun.  

They understood what works in comedy, particularly the comedy rule of three, i.e., setup, setup, payoff.  I've begun to think of it as a rhythm thing.

This script* demonstrates the rule in a variety of ways:

a) In word play, which requires a knowledge of English:

CHICO: I was gonin' ta bring my grandfather, but there was no room for his beard.
GROUCHO waving his toothbrush: Why don't you send for the swine adn let his beard come later?
CHICO: I sent for his beard.
GROUCHO: You did?
CHICO: Yeah, it's coming by hairmail.

b) In action to show "I like you," where language isn't as important.

On the promenade deck, Zeppo skids past and through a doorway with Gibson in hot pursuit. He reappears through another glass door and crouches down, hiding from Gibson, as a girl - Mary - walks through. Zeppo springs up and strolls along beside her, taking her by the arm. Camera tracks ahead of them.

ZEPPO expansively: You know, there's some might pretty country round here. I've...

MARY: I beg your pardon?

She disengages herself and walks on. Zeppo strides ahead of her whistling. He drops his handkerchief, picks it up, and steps up to Mary again.

ZEPPO: Pardon me, is this yours?

MARY: Why no.

She walks on. Zeppo hesitates, then tries again.

ZEPPO: Are you sure?

MARY sweetly: I'm positive. 

A smile comes over her face as she walks on. She drops her own handkerchief and waits. Then as Zeppo hurries up again she picks it up and holds it out to him.

MARY: Is this yours?

ZEPPO pocketing the handkerchief. Yes, it is.

He takes her by the arms and they stroll on. 

ZEPPO: Well, as I was saying, there's some mighty beautiful country round here.

MARY enthusiastically: The trees are lovely.

ZEPPO: Oh, you bet they are. I love 'em.

They go off in the foreground.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Think in threes.  Also, I noticed that the economy of the dialogue and comedy is amazingly compact.

Monkey Business (1931)
by S.J. Perelman and Will B. Johnstone

*There is no official script available.  This one that was publish is likely the best approximation, and was cobbled together from dialogue continuity pages and shot-by-shot viewings of the film.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Forget Paris (1995) - What is Voice?

[Quick Summary: The up-and-down love story of how Mickey and Ellen met, fell in love and separated, as told from the POV of their friends.]

What is "voice"?  For me, it is when I read a script and I know it is ___ writer.  There's a tempo, a style, a way of telling the story.

How do you get a distinctive voice?  I have no clue still. 

I suspect it is one of those things that is partly unconscious and partly from having rewritten many scripts so that it sounds like YOU and YOUR RHYTHMS.

Ganz and Mandel have a definite voice. There is a certain tempo. They probably cram more jokes than you can into a few lines.  Scenes end with a flourish.  There is always a wry sense of the ridiculous in the face of disaster.

In the example below:
- The airline has lost Mickey's father's coffin.  Mickey does not speak French.
- His friend Andy (V.O.) is telling Mickey's story to Liz.
- Notice how the frustrating last scene ends on a funny note.

ex. "INT. STOREROOM

Mickey is being shown around.  An official is pointing hopefully to various items.

MICKEY: No! No!  He wasn't a bicycle! We didn't sit on him and go for a ride.  No! Not a birdcage!
                                                                                                                      CUT TO:
INT. STOREROOM

SHOTS of Mickey talking to one official after another. He can't communicate well with any of them and none of them seem very concerned about his problem.

ANDY (V.O.): Mickey's going out of his mind. But he's trying not to go off on anyone. You know, he doesn't want to be the ugly American.

INT. STOREROOM

Mickey is with another official, who speaks rapid French and coolly tosses Mickey's paperwork back to him and shrugs, unconcerned.  By this time, Mickey is disheveled and tired.

MICKEY: Please - look - I know you people are still angry over Euro Disney, but, please, don't take it out on me. I'm on your side. I even said, "the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, the Country Bea Jamboree, it's not a good mix."

The official is ignoring him.

MICKEY (CONT): Whatever you do, I'm not gonna lose my temper.

ANDY (V.O.): But finally...

INT. STOREROOM

Mickey with another insolent OFFICIAL.

MICKEY: If I was Hitler you'd give me my father. You'd give me everything in your whole goddam country. (screams) Where is my father?! Ou est mon pere?! If you don't find him, I'm gonna bury you instead!

ANDY (V.O.): Two days!

LIZ (V.O.): Two days?

ANDY (V.O.) He was in that airport two days! But the airline was nice. They gave him triple advantage miles and free almonds."

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Your voice distinguishes you from everyone else. 

I finally begin to grasp that it's a combination of things, especially how you tell the story: tempo, POV, etc.

Forget Paris (1995)(1st draft, 6/24/94)
by Billy Crystal & Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel

TODAY'S NUGGET: Altered States (1980) - Dialogue + Rhythm = Building to a Specific Emotion

[Quick Summary: In his search for the Ultimate Truth, a scientist becomes obsessed with a little known drug that brings his altered state of consciousness into reality.]

I had difficulty getting my mind around this script. The story is odd:

- The ambivalent scientist agrees to marry another scientist, who loves him.
- She accepts that he's not sure what love is.  He says it's the only way to keep her.
- Seven years and two kids later, they divorce.
- She still loves him, but he sees his life as a sham.
- He leaves her and the kids to search for Self.
- He finds a Mexican hallucinogen that regresses his mind.
- He travels through time and space to his past human origins.
- He takes the hallucinogen home for research and unleashes results so scary that his colleagues and ex-wife try to intervene.

However, my interest in these characters did not diminish despite other distractions.*

Why?  I think it's because Paddy Chayefsky knew how to wield words to build clear emotions.  In the scene below, he used dialogue + rhythm = feels like bursting out.

A few suggestions as you read:
- Don't be afraid of the length and dense black print.
- Try skimming for content.  Focus on HOW he says the words, not WHAT.
- Notice that each paragraph is actually one thought.
- Notice the rhythm is fast, unfettered.
- Each thought (one per paragraph) are verbose BIG ideas + Fast rhythm = Three Big Ideas squashed together in a small space makes it feel like an explosion.

Prior to the scene below:
- Jessup, the protagonist, has just announced to his friend Rosenberg that he is divorcing Emily.
- Jessup then suggests all his friends go to dinner with him and Emily.

ex. "INT. DOM'S RESTAURANT

...If we can make anything out of all this esoteric jabber, it will be Jessup's discourse to Sylvia Rosenberg, sitting at his right. Jessup, who is having a lot more wine  than he usually does, is loaded and talking loudly -

JESSUP (to Sylvia Rosenberg): -- As a matter of act, the year I spent in India was disappointing. No matter how you slice it, yoga is still a state-specific technology operating in the service of a n a priori belief system, not much different from other trance-inducing techniques. Of course, the breathing exercises are effective as hell. The breathing becomes an entity in itself, an actual state of consciousness in its own right, so that your body breathing becomes the embodiment of your breath. But it's still a renunciatory technique to achieve a predetermined trance state, what the zen people call an isness, a very pure narcissism, Freud's oceanic feeling. What dignifies the yogic practices is that the belief system itself is not truly religious. There is no Buddhist god per se. It is the Self, the individual Mind, that contains immortality and ultimate truth -

EMILY (interrupting her  own colloquy to shout from her end of the table): What the hell's not religious about that? You've simply replaced God with the Original Self!

JESSUP (shouts back): Yes, but we've localized it! At least, we know where the Self is! It's in our own minds! (he stands, not too sturdily) It's a form of human energy! Our atoms are six billion years old! We've got six billion years of memory in our minds! Hell, our hydrogen atoms are even older! (he has begun to weave a bit in and out of his place at the table) Memory is energy! It doesn't disappear! It's still in there! (he wheels to Rosenberg, ignoring the nervous interest he is causing at neighboring tables) There's a physiological pathway to our earlier consciousnesses! There has to be! And I'm telling you it's in the goddamned limbic system! -

PARRISH (roaring happily): Jessup, you are a whacko!

JESSUP: What's whacko about it, Mason? I'm a man in search of his true self. How archtypically American can you get? Everybody's looking for their true selves. We're all trying to fulfill ourselves, understand ourselves, get in touch with ourselves, face the reality of ourselves, explore ourselves, expand ourselves. Ever since we dispensed with God, we've got nothing but ourselves to explain this meaningless horror of life. Well, I think that true self, the original self, that first self is a real, mensurate, quantifiable thing, tangible and incarnate, and I'm going to find the fucker -"

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was impressed that Jessup's emotional life was so strong that I stayed interested, despite the copious scientific gobblety-gook. 

Altered States (1980)(undated 1978 draft)
by Paddy Chayefsky
Based on his novel.

* ex. Length (141 pgs.), dense narrative, long scientific exposition, etc.

TODAY'S NUGGET: St. Elmo's Fire (1985) - The Comedic "3 Beats"

[Quick Summary: Three months out of college, seven college friends enter their Freshman Year of Life with all its expectations, secrets, and messiness.]

MY TWO CENTS:

1) Would I buy this script today? YES, in a heart beat.

Why? 
- It's a witty, fun, sharp, timeless drama + comedy.
- It's rare to have so much great comedy in a drama.
- It is a true ensemble cast for 7 young actors, with great arcs and conflict.
- It's cheap (no CGI, car chases, etc.)

2) The Comedic "3 Beats." I was impressed by the number of "3 beats" in this script.*

Usually, the 3 beats are close together:

ex. "INT. GEORGETOWN MEDICAL CENTER - AUGUST NIGHT

...Wendy is looking over Jules' Date who hovers in the distance.

WENDY: Is that your date? [BEAT 1]

The naked man wanders past them. [BEAT 2]

JULES: No that's my date! [BEAT 3]

As usual, Jules has managed to make Wendy laugh, just as the Cops approach her."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sometimes, the 3 beats were looser and further apart:

ex. "INT. LADIES ROOM

Jules is applying eyeshadow to Wendy's bruised eye.

WENDY: He got drunk cause he lost his job. [Set the argument.]
JULES: Again? You didn't give him any money did you...?
WENDY: A little.
JULES: I thought you were going to take definite steps to change everything in your life that is not working. [BEAT 1]
WENDY: That doesn't leave much left. [BEAT 2]
JULES: Wendy this is all too destructive.
WENDY: Life in the fat lane. [BEAT 3]
JULES: You're not fat.
WENDY: I am fat. And no diet works. The only way to loose [sic] weight is by amputation. [BEAT 1]
JULES: You have to amputate Billy the Kid. [BEAT 2]
WENDY: I can't. [BEAT 3] [BEAT 1]
JULES: I don't get it. [BEAT 2]
WENDY: Me either." [BEAT 3]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I think these "3 beat" comedy bits allowed this drama to skewer a little deeper, a little closer to the bone, than straight drama alone could.

St. Elmo's Fire (1985)(3/13/84 draft)
by Joel Schumacher and Carl Kurlander

* "3 beats"= The rhythm and/or repetition of "three" things.  I'm not sure who discovered it, but it always seems to make people laugh.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Volcano (1997) - Rhthym/Tempo in an Action Film

[Quick Summary: When molten lava breaks through the earth's crust, the no-nonsense O.E.M chief struggles to corral the lava amid multiple emergencies.]

Disaster films are a tough sell to today's audiences.

However, I think that today's script is still worth a read because it is a good example of rhythm/tempo in an action film.

For me, rhythm/tempo is one of the more difficult things to describe to new writers.

If done right, it is generally invisible to the audience.  If done wrong, the audience senses something is off, but often can't tell you why.

A few rhythm/tempo clues from this script:

1) It will take more space on the page than you think.
2) Rhythm/tempo conveys feeling: fast (urgency); building (pushing to a climax); pause (off guard or thinking); etc.
3) In scripts, it consists of the sequence of scenes STRUNG TOGETHER.

Note in the scene below:
- There's a lot of writing on the page (sorry it's so long).
- The sequence is: Show us other rescuers --> show protagonist Roark --> show other rescuers --> show Roark. It is the drumbeat of battle.
- When Dr. Jaye disagrees with Roark, he pauses before answering (see notes below).

ex. "MORE LAVA TARGETS THE DOWNED FIRETRUCK

A BRAVE FIREMAN climbs up to the passenger door of the prone truck, and dives into the cab.

THE LAVA REACHES THE ROOF OF THE FIRETRUCK'S CAB

We hear the BRAVE FIREMAN scream from the heat. He tries to pull the Wounded Driver straight up...A SECOND BRAVE FIREMAN reaches in...trying to pull both of the men out.

THE CAB OF THE DOWNED FIRETRUCK MELTS IN FLAME

The BRAVE FIREMAN and WOUNDED DRIVER are burned alive. We hear their screams.

REED RUNS FOR THAT DOWNED FIRETRUCK

He grabs the SECOND BRAVE FIREMAN before the guy can get himself killed. Pulls him out. AMBULANCE SIRENS wail.

ROAK LOOKS OVER THE STREET

He sees JAYE TRYING TO DRAG THE HEAD-WOUND FIREMAN out of the path of the flow. She's not fast enough.

ROARK HESITATES

Kelly's in his arms, burned, choking from all the ash. Ten feet away, two more firemen are sitting ducks...

HE LAYS KELLY DOWN ON A BUS-BENCH

She should be safe there.

ROARK RUNS BACK ON TO THE STREET

He grabs the legs of the Head-Wound Fireman. Jaye has the guy's arms. Together, they move him.

ROARK AND JAYE LEAVE THE GUY BESIDE KELLY

Lava's still coming...And the BROKEN-LEG FIREMEN is right in its path.

With the help of a THIRD FIREMAN, they hoist the guy up and haul him back to that bush-bench. Broken-leg Fireman screams in agony.

THE LAVA PASSES BY THEM

IT'S SLOW, BUT MENACING, CARRYING DEBRIS.  GRAVITY SLOPES IT WEST, DOWN WILSHIRE. ROARK AND JAYE LOOK OVER THEIR THREE CASUALTIES.

JAYE (has to shout): We have to get these people to Cedars.

ROARK: This is my daughter. I'll get her there myself.

JAYE: You're O.E.M. right? (Roark nods) You're needed here. I'll take her.

ROARK: I don't...

JAYE: You bring her in, she waits in line. I bring her in, this burn gets treated. (that scored) It's not major. She's gonna be okay...But I don't want it infected.

ON ROARK [Notice that Roark doesn't answer immediately.]

He eyes, Jaye, sizing her up. She's all-business.

AROUND HIM - CHAOS [Instead, we see what he's seeing, i.e., what he's thinking.]

More accidents, more fires, and it's just beginning.

THE LAVA HITS A ROW OF PALM TREES

They line the entrance to LACMA. One by one, the palms ignite. From within the Museum, fire alarms WAIL.

ROARK LOOKS TO HIS DAUGHTER

Then back to Jaye again. He nods.

ROARK: Take her."

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Give yourself room on the page. Rhythm/tempo needs space.

Volcano (1997)(draft dated 5/3/96)
by Billy Ray and Jerome Armstrong
Story by Jerome Armstrong

TODAY'S NUGGET: Little Women (1933) - Change of Pace = Change of Progress

[Quick Summary: Four sisters come of age during the American Civil War.] 

Two thoughts:

1) I hate the bland description "coming of age", but it's the best I can do here.

2) The pacing is absolutely killer, and among the best I've ever seen.*

The introduction to the script describes it this way:

The adaptors made use of a large variety of episodes, with sudden changes of pace within the individual scenes. These contrasts increase the drama and add to the suspense, because, in effect, they advance or retard the aims of the main character. Even the most casual events are so arranged as to emphasize these contrasts. For instance, the gay spirit that pervades the Christmas breakfast scene is suddenly changed to one of sympathy for the plight of a more unfortunate family...p. 214.

There's no formula, but the writers varied the pacing FOR SPECIFIC REASONS:

➤Sometimes they wanted the uncertainty first (fast; What will the party be like?)
--> Quiet moment in the middle (slow; Will Beth get over her shyness?)
--> Then a happy note at the end (fast; We're all friends now!)

➤Sometimes they had a happy scene (fast; Jo and Laurie) --> Then end on a somber note (slow; Jo leaves for the city).

➤Sometimes the writers wanted to stretch the tension (slow-slow) --> Then suddenly release the tension (fast-fast).   Note the stretch below with Amy and Mr. Davis --> then release after leaving Mr. Davis.

ex. "SCHOOLROOM - CLOSE SHOT. Amy is sobbing. Davis turns over the slate which has cartoons of himself on one side of it.

DAVIS (angrily): I can see there's nothing for me to do but stop by and show your mother how, instead of doing your sums, you cover your slate with sketches -

INSERT: SLATE with sketches of spectacled teacher, and legend: "Young ladies, my eyes are upon you."

DAVIS: -- most uncomplimentary sketches.

SCHOOLROOM - MED. CLOSE-UP DAVIS, looking down, sternly. Amy is heard sobbing.

CLOSE-UP AMY looking up in his direction, sobbing as she pleads:

AMY: Oh, please, Mr. Davis. I'll never do it again, sir. And she'd be so disappointed in me. Please -

MED. CLOSE-UP DAVIS looking odwn in Amy's direction. He relents.

DAVIS: Well I should hate to spoil her Christmas and for that reason alone, young lady, I shall overlook it.

CLOSE-UP AMY looking up in his direction, delightedly.

AMY: Oh, thank you, Mr. Davis!

MED. CLOSE-UP DAVIS looking down.

DAVIS (sternly): You may go!

CLOSE SHOT as Amy speaks gratefully:

AMY: Oh, thank you, Mr. Davis.

He exits as CAMERA FOLLOWS HER as she backs away toward the cloakroom, still speaking.

AMY: Thank you very much indeed. Thank you, sir. (She starts to open door.)

HALL CLOAKROOM - CLOSE SHOT. The girls are standing about waiting in excited speculation as to Amy's fate. Amy enters, drying her tears. The girls close the doors and swoop down on her, all talking at once and asking: "What did he do?" "What did he say?"

AMY (with lofty disdain): I just said that if I ever told my mother the way he treated me, she'd take me out of his old school. She's never been reconciliated anyway, since my father lost his money, and she's had to suffer the degarradation of me being thrown with a lot of ill-mannered girls -- (she turns at the door, drops some of her elegance, and gives it to them straight:) -- who stick their noses into refined people's business! (She leaves them flat. They look after her, then turn to each other and murmur indistinctly.)

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Change of pace = Changes as the protagonist advances/retards his/her progress. 

It's also invisible, like rhythm, but very much felt by the reader.

Little Women (1949)
by Sarah Y. Mason & Victor Heerman
Adapted from the novel by Louisa May Alcott

* After all, this was written for George Cukor and Katherine Hepburn.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Mr. Deeds Goes to Town (1936) - Adaptions; Using P.A., Intercutting

[Quick Summary: When small town Mr. Deeds goes to the big city to accept his $20M inheritance, he experiences love and heartbreak.]

Two thoughts: 

1) Why are adaptions tricky? Here's what's required: 

It is one thing to read an appealing play, novel, or short story, and quite another to organize it properly a screenplay, opening it up and lengthening it (or shortening it), making the myriad choices of keeping a character here and deleting one there, adding a scene, incident, or crucial detail, writing appropriate dialogue where dialogue is necessary, and ending up with something that is whole and organic and also cinematic. Unfortunately, Hollywood history is full of examples of great works – short stories, novels, and prize-winning plays – ruined by clumsy adaption, or faithfully transcribed unto tedium. Intro, p. XXXV.

2) Robert Riskin was a master adapter.  What is one good piece of advice from him?

Limit the use of parallel action or intercutting between scenes:

Parallel action (if, in the use of it, we can be guided by a rule) should scarcely be used except in instances where the two actions are related to each other - story-wise, or where some social observation is being made via action. Intro, p. XXXV.

So when would it be appropriate to use parallel action or intercutting?

In the court scene below, witnesses are called to testify about Mr. Deeds' behavior.  The testimonies are all related, and also build a fuller picture together.

ex. "CLOSE SHOT IN WITNESS STAND
A policeman in uniform.

POLICEMAN: They kept hollering: "Back to Nature! Back to Nature!" I thought they looked harmless enough so I took them home. I never thought he was cracked.
                                                                                                 WIPE OFF TO:

CLOSE SHOT IN WITNESS STAND
The waiter at "Tullio's."

WAITER: I'm a waiter. He kept pressing me to point out the celebrities, and so help me Hannah I'm coming out of the kitchen a coupla minutes later and there he is moppin' up the floors with them. I never figured he was a guy looking for trouble.
                                                                                                WIPE OFF TO:

CLOSE SHOT IN WITNESS STAND
Mme. Pomponi.

MME. POMPONI: (expostulating) He threw us out bodily! but bodily!
                                                                                                WIPE OFF TO:

MED. CLOSE SHOT IN WITNESS STAND
Of one of the bodyguards on witness stand.

BODYGUARD: We hired as his bodyguard, see? Well, the irst crack out of the box, he throws us in a room and locks the door, see? Now, if a thing like that gets around in our profession, we'd get the bird - see? So I says to my partner, "Let's quit this guy, he's nuts!"
                                                                                                  WIPE OFF TO:

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Riskin pointed out to me that parallel action is a grouping of two (or more) related actions.  Grouping! Never thought of that before.

It's a repetitive rhythm, and may affect how your script "feels." 

It's similar to a repeated note in music, and should be used with care. 

Mr. Deeds Goes to Town (1936)
by Robert Riskin
Adapted from the story by Clarence Budington Kelland

2016 OSCARS: Ex Machina (2015) - Freeing Yourself from Too Much Back Story

[Quick Summary: A computer programmer goes encounters new artificial intelligence on a remote island.]

I like that this script is quite light on its feet, even though it's a four-hander.*

I suspect one reason might be something writer/director Alex Garland mentioned in passing (here).

In this interview, he talks about his how his first idea for Caleb (protagonist) was that he was a university professor specializing in consciousness, and married.

However, Garland found that explaining Caleb's back story took time away from what interested him, i.e., the relationships between the four main characters.

He changed Caleb to a computer programmer, single, no family.

This seemed have to freed him up to focus more on the present than the past. 

ex. "CALEB: Some believe language exists in the brain from birth, and what is learned is the ability to attach words and structure to the latent ability.

Beat.

CALEB (cont'd): Would you agree?

AVA: ...I don't know. I have no opinion on that.

Beat.

AVA (cont'd): I like to draw.

CALEB says nothing.

Just watches AVA. Again, lets the non-sequitur sit.

AVA (cont'd): I don't have any of my pictures with me now, but I can show you them tomorrow.

CALEB: That sounds good. I'd like to see them.

AVA: Yes.

Beat.

AVA (cont'd): Will you come back tomorrow, Caleb?

CALEB smiles slightly.

CALEB: Yeah. Definitely.

AVA also smiles.

And suddenly -

- there is a strong sense of something very human there. In the way the smile lights up her face.

AVA: Good."

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Sometime heavy back story is necessary. Sometimes it's not (here). Use the right tool for the right situation.

Ex Machina (2015)
by Alex Garland

*Four (main/important) characters

2015 OSCARS: Whiplash (2014) - The First Ten (um, First THREE) Pages

[Quick Summary: A college jazz drummer's best & worst enemy is his teacher Fletcher.]

Wow.
Wow.
Wow.

I guzzled this script like ice water in the desert.

It is EX-HIL-ER-A-TING.

It's got RHYTHM, PASSION, ENERGY!

It's my favorite Oscar nominated script this year.

I recommend reading the first ten pages...actually, the first THREE.

The first three pages told me everything:
- I knew exactly what this story is about (student vs. teacher).
- I got a sense these characters are carrying baggage.
- I felt the inner and outer conflict.
- I saw where Andrew's journey was going.
- Most importantly, the tempo starts at a simmer, so I knew it would start boiling fairly soon.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This story relies on rhythm and tempo to convey feelings.

The writer was so smart to establish it early and keep focused on it.

Whiplash (2014)
by Damien Chazelle