[Quick Summary: After his brother's murderer escapes from prison, an insurance salesman goes undercover in Finland to find the man via his wife and kids, but ends up falling in love.]
Though I don't typically read unproduced scripts, this one (well, two) got me thinking about how a writer may/may not be able to work with a director's vision.
The 1978 draft. I went in cold to this unsigned draft, not realizing it was likely written by Ernest Lehman (6 time Oscar nominee; North by Northwest).
There are some holes, but it's got Lehman's elegance to it.
The 1980 rewrite draft. Then I read this still-in-progress draft by David Freeman and Hitchcock in the last six months of the latter's life.*
I liked many of the Hitchcock touches, especially fleshing out of shots. I did not like that it lost some of Lehman's elegance throughout.
Working with a Director. After reading these two scripts (and Freeman's experience coming into the process), I'm now seeing how visions did not gel.
Lehman wrote a good script, but Hitchcock did not like it. I wonder now - was Hitchcock after something else? Maybe pushing, fumbling for something new?**
Opening scene. Lehman's opening is elegant, but conventional: The protagonist looks out of an office window. He sees a news crawl about the escaped convict.
Freeman/Hitchcock's opening has a very different tone: more attention grabbing, both ridiculous and suspense filled.
It starts at the prison with the accomplice, Brennan, who is trying to throw a rope ladder to the antagonist, Brand:
EXT. LONDON - ARTILLERY ROAD - 6:45 PM
A drizzly London evening in the fall.
Wormwood Scrubs Prison and Hammersmith Hospital sit side by side. Artillery Road, hardly more than a service lane runs between them.
...Brennan has the boot open, about to remove a rope ladder.
BRAND (V.O.): God damn it, what are you doing there? It's all going to be over...It's too late...
Headlights illuminate the boot as Brennan is removing the ladder. He drops it quickly and turns to see an old Morris approaching.
He closes the boot and reaches into the mums, turning off the walkie-talkie, silencing Brand's voice.
The Morris stops adjacent to Brennan. An Elderly Couple are in the car. The woman leans across her husband and speaks to Brennan.
ELDERLY WOMAN: Excuse me young man, we're looking for the hospital.
ELDERLY MAN: Hammersmith Hospital. It's on Du Cane --
BRENNAN: Yes...Yes. This is it. Straight on and turn to the left. Visitors' entrance is to the left.
ELDERLY MAN (to his wife): What did he say?
ELDERLY WOMAN (loudly): He said it's to the left for the visitors' entrance.
OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL
BRAND: What's wrong? What is it? Answer me damn you, answer. What is it?
ARTILLERY ROAD
ELDERLY MAN: Where should we park?
ELDERLY WOMAN: My husband wants to know...
BRENNAN: On the street. Park on the street. You just go up and turn to the left. Hurry or you'll miss visiting hours. They're very strict.
ELDERLY WOMAN (re Brennan's flowers): Mums?
BRENNAN: Yes. Hurry along now.
ELDERLY WOMAN (holds up bouquet): Me too. For our daughter-in-law. Her liver's shot to hell.
BRENNAN: Lovely. Hurry along.
ELDERLY WOMAN: Thank you. (loudly to her husband) It's to the left. We park on the street.
The Morris pulls away, slowly.
Brennan opens the boot again, grabs the rope ladder and flips on the walkie-talkie. When it clicks on, a torrent of abuse comes out.
BRAND (V.O.)(midsentence; almost in tears): ...not going back. Where the bloody hell are you? I can see the first of them coming back. You've bollixed it. You bloody Irish ass. I'm not going back. I'm not. I'm not going back.
BRENNAN: We're there. We're there.
He drops the mums on the ground, and tries to find a spot to throw from. He steps back into the road, then moves forward again and climbs up onto the back of his car.
The mums are on the ground with Brand's pleas coming out.
BRAND (V.O.): You drunken ass. You bloody Irish fool. You've killed me. You've done it. It's on your head.
Brennan winds up and tosses the ladder, hard and high.
PRISON SIDE OF WALL
As the ladder comes floating over the wall.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I do wish the two drafts could've been married closer, as both have strengths missing in the other (elegance, creative play).
Also, I do admire the double use of the mums in Hitchcock's opening as 1) walkie-talkie camouflage, and 2) focal point to increase suspense.
The Short Night (11/9/78, revised)
by Ernest Lehman (I think)
Based on the novel, "The Short Night," by Ronald Kirkbride
The Short Night (1980, revised) - unproduced script published in 1984
by David Freeman
*I highly recommend reading Freeman's book, which has several fascinating chapters about his daily routine working with Hitchcock in these last six months.
At this point in time (1979-80), Hitchcock was not in the best of health, and would pass soon. His last (and 53rd) film, Family Plot (1976), had come out three years earlier, and not to rave reviews. It was written by Lehman.
** In his review of Family Plot, Roger Ebert notes: "...it's a delight for two contradictory reasons: because it's pure Hitchcock, with its meticulous construction and attention to detail, and because it's something new for Hitchcock -- a macabre comedy, essentially." (my emphasis)
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