Monday, June 26, 2023

TODAY'S NUGGET: Keeper of the Flame (1942) - When Crafting a "Perfect" Line of Dialogue

[Quick Summary: After a popular national hero dies in a bridge accident, a journalist seeks to separate fact from fiction, but falls for the man's widow.]

Donald Ogden Stewart (screenwriter, novelist, playwright) was a studio writer who adapted six scripts featuring Hepburn, Tracy, or both.* 

I have liked the delicate balance of his scripts.  He was always driving to a point without being too obvious, or on-the-nose.

So when I saw that he included an alternative line of dialogue for a pivotal scene here, I wondered, "Was he worried about being too on the nose?"

I can see him trying to hit a certain tone with that line (and its alternative).

In the scene below:
- It is the first meeting of journalist Steve O'Malley and widow Mrs. Forrest.
- He has managed to get around security and up to the house. 
- This is about "do I trust you?" Mrs. Forrest is particularly hiding secrets.
- I've bolded the line and its alternative below.  Both are good, but feel just shy of the mark.

INTERIOR - FRONT HALL - FORREST HOME

...

STEVE: I had visioned ---I'm very sorry to do this to you, Mrs. Forrest. I had hoped perhaps just to leave a note. A friend of Mr. Forrest's told me you might be glad to see me. (as Christine looks at him inquiringly) The gatekeeper's boy.
CHRISTINE: Poor little Jeb --
STEVE (sympathetically): He thinks he killed his hero --

Christine give him a sharp look.

STEVE (continuing): --because he didn't warn him about the bridge.
CHRISTINE (in a curious, dry-mouthed tone): Really? (after a moment) Boys loved Mr. Forrest. I've had letters. Sweet letters. Heart-breaking letters. He was the light of their eyes. (her voice dulls) It seems that the light has gone out.
STEVE: No. (she looks at him) It burns brighter than ever. It must burn always. We must see to that.
CHRISTINE (a little coldly): We?
STEVE: Yes. We. Everybody who was guided by that light, who drew warmth from that flame. You can protect the flame.
CHRISTINE: I tried to.
STEVE: Let us help you. You aren't alone. That's what I came to tell you.
CHRISTINE: I tried. (she looks at Steve for a moment) I had wondered if you spoke as you wrote.
STEVE: I speak as I feel -- and I feel deeply about this.
CHRISTINE: What do you want from me?
STEVE: The life of Robert Forrest.
CHRISTINE (almost bitterly): I can't give it to you -- it's been taken away.
STEVE: You can tell it to me.
CHRISTINE (coldly): The facts of his life are there for anyone to read.
STEVE: I want you to read them to me. I want the truth. [This is better than the tired, old "I want you to tell me the truth." But it's still a little boring.]

The following is an alternative line for the above:

STEVE: Will you read them to me? [This is also a smart way of saying the same thing, but is it witty enough?]
CHRISTINE (resentfully): What would you like -- the size of his underwear, the color of the hair on his chest, the sound of his laugh, the touch of his hand --? (her voice rises emotionally)
STEVE: I'm sorry. I'll go now. But perhaps tomorrow --
CHRISTINE: I don't understand you, Mr. O'Malley. Why should I tell you anything? I've seen you five minutes. I don't know you, anything about you. I wish you would go.
STEVE: I've seen you five minutes -- and I feel that I know you very well.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When you're are trying, trying, trying to craft that impossible perfect line, cut yourself some slack. 

Give it your best - it's "close to this" - and move on.

Keeper of the Flame (1942)(7/7/42 draft w/revisions)
by Donald Ogden Stewart
Based on the novel by I.A.R. Wylie

* He wrote four scripts starring Hepburn: Holiday (1938), The Philadelphia Story (1940), Keeper of the Flame (1942), Without Love (1945).

He wrote four scripts starring Tracy:  Keeper of the Flame (1942), Without Love (1945), Cass Timberlane (1947), Edward, My Son (1949).

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