[Quick Summary: In a "trial" to amuse the senior German officer, an American POW must defend a black POW who is accused of murdering a third POW.]
Two thoughts:
1) I imagine this was a tough novel to adapt:
- It's a war film with political and racial issues.
- There's a very large ensemble cast.
- There is a lot of material to cover, so it takes a while (40+ pgs) to set up.*
- It's a mystery and a courtroom drama.
2) A good twist in the story and/or moral quandry really up the stakes and conflict.
This script has both.
In the scene below, Tommy Hart is summoned to the office of Commander Visser.
NOTE:
- Visser is the enemy, but....he's offering help? (Good twist!)
- The writer set up a tough decision for Tommy: either betray his beliefs for the benefit of his client, or stick by his beliefs and doom his client. (Good moral quandry!)
ex. "INT. VISSER'S OFFICE - KOMMANDANTUR - MOMENTS LATER
Well-appointed...but those appointments are all starting to show their age. Visser sits, reading Huckleberry Finn (in English, of course) as Tommy is escorted in.
VISSER: Ah, Lieutenant! How are you?
Cell Guard #2 clicks his heels at Visser and exits. Visser lowers his book. Tommy looks around, wary.
VISSER: Not too well, I imagine. That was quite a beating you took today. Sit.
Tommy sits, eyeing the copy of Huckleberry Finn.
VISSER: You know this book? It's wonderful....And after watching that trial all day, I found myself longing for the tales of "Nigger Jim!"
TOMMY: Major, I have witnesses to prepare for...
VISSER: Yes. This has been very much on mind. In fact it's why I wanted to see you.
He crosses to a bookcase, grabs a MILITARY MANUAL, and hands it to Tommy: "The U.S. Army Officers' Handbook of Military Law and Court-Martial Procedure." Tommy eyes it, surprised.
TOMMY: How did you --
VISSER: We keep a library of all American military manuals. I thought this one might be of particular use to you. (pleased) As I'd said, my sense of fair play...
Tommy pauses. Something's feeling a little Faustian here...
TOMMY: I don't think I can accept this, Major. We have a policy about fraternizing with the --
VISSER: You walk back in there unarmed and your client is going to face a firing squad. Would that be better?
Tommy's wavering now. They both know it.
VISSER: Read it. You might learn something.
On Tommy, we...
CUT TO:"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I think war films tend to blend together unless something sets it apart. Here, the unusual structural elements make it memorable.
Hart's War (2002)(2nd draft revised, dated 8/16/00)
by Billy Ray
Based on the novel by John Katzenbach - and drafts by Jeb Stuart and Terry George
*Yes, it was necessary. No, I don't know if it could be sped up faster than it was. No, this does not make me happy, but it is the reality of screenplay form vs. novel.
Monday, December 25, 2017
Monday, December 18, 2017
TODAY'S NUGGET: Volcano (1997) - Rhthym/Tempo in an Action Film
[Quick Summary: When molten lava breaks through the earth's crust, the no-nonsense O.E.M chief struggles to corral the lava amid multiple emergencies.]
Disaster films are a tough sell to today's audiences.
However, I think that today's script is still worth a read because it is a good example of rhythm/tempo in an action film.
For me, rhythm/tempo is one of the more difficult things to describe to new writers.
If done right, it is generally invisible to the audience. If done wrong, the audience senses something is off, but often can't tell you why.
A few rhythm/tempo clues from this script:
1) It will take more space on the page than you think.
2) Rhythm/tempo conveys feeling: fast (urgency); building (pushing to a climax); pause (off guard or thinking); etc.
3) In scripts, it consists of the sequence of scenes STRUNG TOGETHER.
Note in the scene below:
- There's a lot of writing on the page (sorry it's so long).
- The sequence is: Show us other rescuers --> show protagonist Roark --> show other rescuers --> show Roark. It is the drumbeat of battle.
- When Dr. Jaye disagrees with Roark, he pauses before answering (see notes below).
ex. "MORE LAVA TARGETS THE DOWNED FIRETRUCK
A BRAVE FIREMAN climbs up to the passenger door of the prone truck, and dives into the cab.
THE LAVA REACHES THE ROOF OF THE FIRETRUCK'S CAB
We hear the BRAVE FIREMAN scream from the heat. He tries to pull the Wounded Driver straight up...A SECOND BRAVE FIREMAN reaches in...trying to pull both of the men out.
THE CAB OF THE DOWNED FIRETRUCK MELTS IN FLAME
The BRAVE FIREMAN and WOUNDED DRIVER are burned alive. We hear their screams.
REED RUNS FOR THAT DOWNED FIRETRUCK
He grabs the SECOND BRAVE FIREMAN before the guy can get himself killed. Pulls him out. AMBULANCE SIRENS wail.
ROAK LOOKS OVER THE STREET
He sees JAYE TRYING TO DRAG THE HEAD-WOUND FIREMAN out of the path of the flow. She's not fast enough.
ROARK HESITATES
Kelly's in his arms, burned, choking from all the ash. Ten feet away, two more firemen are sitting ducks...
HE LAYS KELLY DOWN ON A BUS-BENCH
She should be safe there.
ROARK RUNS BACK ON TO THE STREET
He grabs the legs of the Head-Wound Fireman. Jaye has the guy's arms. Together, they move him.
ROARK AND JAYE LEAVE THE GUY BESIDE KELLY
Lava's still coming...And the BROKEN-LEG FIREMEN is right in its path.
With the help of a THIRD FIREMAN, they hoist the guy up and haul him back to that bush-bench. Broken-leg Fireman screams in agony.
THE LAVA PASSES BY THEM
IT'S SLOW, BUT MENACING, CARRYING DEBRIS. GRAVITY SLOPES IT WEST, DOWN WILSHIRE. ROARK AND JAYE LOOK OVER THEIR THREE CASUALTIES.
JAYE (has to shout): We have to get these people to Cedars.
ROARK: This is my daughter. I'll get her there myself.
JAYE: You're O.E.M. right? (Roark nods) You're needed here. I'll take her.
ROARK: I don't...
JAYE: You bring her in, she waits in line. I bring her in, this burn gets treated. (that scored) It's not major. She's gonna be okay...But I don't want it infected.
ON ROARK [Notice that Roark doesn't answer immediately.]
He eyes, Jaye, sizing her up. She's all-business.
AROUND HIM - CHAOS [Instead, we see what he's seeing, i.e., what he's thinking.]
More accidents, more fires, and it's just beginning.
THE LAVA HITS A ROW OF PALM TREES
They line the entrance to LACMA. One by one, the palms ignite. From within the Museum, fire alarms WAIL.
ROARK LOOKS TO HIS DAUGHTER
Then back to Jaye again. He nods.
ROARK: Take her."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Give yourself room on the page. Rhythm/tempo needs space.
Volcano (1997)(draft dated 5/3/96)
by Billy Ray and Jerome Armstrong
Story by Jerome Armstrong
Disaster films are a tough sell to today's audiences.
However, I think that today's script is still worth a read because it is a good example of rhythm/tempo in an action film.
For me, rhythm/tempo is one of the more difficult things to describe to new writers.
If done right, it is generally invisible to the audience. If done wrong, the audience senses something is off, but often can't tell you why.
A few rhythm/tempo clues from this script:
1) It will take more space on the page than you think.
2) Rhythm/tempo conveys feeling: fast (urgency); building (pushing to a climax); pause (off guard or thinking); etc.
3) In scripts, it consists of the sequence of scenes STRUNG TOGETHER.
Note in the scene below:
- There's a lot of writing on the page (sorry it's so long).
- The sequence is: Show us other rescuers --> show protagonist Roark --> show other rescuers --> show Roark. It is the drumbeat of battle.
- When Dr. Jaye disagrees with Roark, he pauses before answering (see notes below).
ex. "MORE LAVA TARGETS THE DOWNED FIRETRUCK
A BRAVE FIREMAN climbs up to the passenger door of the prone truck, and dives into the cab.
THE LAVA REACHES THE ROOF OF THE FIRETRUCK'S CAB
We hear the BRAVE FIREMAN scream from the heat. He tries to pull the Wounded Driver straight up...A SECOND BRAVE FIREMAN reaches in...trying to pull both of the men out.
THE CAB OF THE DOWNED FIRETRUCK MELTS IN FLAME
The BRAVE FIREMAN and WOUNDED DRIVER are burned alive. We hear their screams.
REED RUNS FOR THAT DOWNED FIRETRUCK
He grabs the SECOND BRAVE FIREMAN before the guy can get himself killed. Pulls him out. AMBULANCE SIRENS wail.
ROAK LOOKS OVER THE STREET
He sees JAYE TRYING TO DRAG THE HEAD-WOUND FIREMAN out of the path of the flow. She's not fast enough.
ROARK HESITATES
Kelly's in his arms, burned, choking from all the ash. Ten feet away, two more firemen are sitting ducks...
HE LAYS KELLY DOWN ON A BUS-BENCH
She should be safe there.
ROARK RUNS BACK ON TO THE STREET
He grabs the legs of the Head-Wound Fireman. Jaye has the guy's arms. Together, they move him.
ROARK AND JAYE LEAVE THE GUY BESIDE KELLY
Lava's still coming...And the BROKEN-LEG FIREMEN is right in its path.
With the help of a THIRD FIREMAN, they hoist the guy up and haul him back to that bush-bench. Broken-leg Fireman screams in agony.
THE LAVA PASSES BY THEM
IT'S SLOW, BUT MENACING, CARRYING DEBRIS. GRAVITY SLOPES IT WEST, DOWN WILSHIRE. ROARK AND JAYE LOOK OVER THEIR THREE CASUALTIES.
JAYE (has to shout): We have to get these people to Cedars.
ROARK: This is my daughter. I'll get her there myself.
JAYE: You're O.E.M. right? (Roark nods) You're needed here. I'll take her.
ROARK: I don't...
JAYE: You bring her in, she waits in line. I bring her in, this burn gets treated. (that scored) It's not major. She's gonna be okay...But I don't want it infected.
ON ROARK [Notice that Roark doesn't answer immediately.]
He eyes, Jaye, sizing her up. She's all-business.
AROUND HIM - CHAOS [Instead, we see what he's seeing, i.e., what he's thinking.]
More accidents, more fires, and it's just beginning.
THE LAVA HITS A ROW OF PALM TREES
They line the entrance to LACMA. One by one, the palms ignite. From within the Museum, fire alarms WAIL.
ROARK LOOKS TO HIS DAUGHTER
Then back to Jaye again. He nods.
ROARK: Take her."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Give yourself room on the page. Rhythm/tempo needs space.
Volcano (1997)(draft dated 5/3/96)
by Billy Ray and Jerome Armstrong
Story by Jerome Armstrong
Monday, December 11, 2017
TODAY'S NUGGET: The Ice Storm (1997) - To Increase Tension Before the Reveal
[Quick Summary: During a 1970s Thanksgiving, a family of four have different plans how to cope.]
This is a well-written drama/tragedy (maybe satire too?)
It is about lives in quiet desperation in the 1970s.
CON: I'm glad this script exists, but it's simply not my cup of tea.
It's an observational film, and I couldn't figure out what the characters wanted (relief? oblivion? Maybe that was the point?)
PRO: I did like the last 7 pages, where the characters are confronted with a death.
**WARNING: MILD SPOILERS AHEAD**
I especially liked how the writer included two moments of quiet normalcy before the reveal. It increased the tension: "Oh no! These are the lives that will be shattered!"
In more detail:
- Ben finds the body.
- His wife Elena finds their teen daughter Wendy asleep with Sandy Carver (at the Carver's house. Sandy's dad is Jim Carver.)
- Elena and daughter Wendy have a quiet moment of connection.
- Jim Carver and his son Sandy have a quiet moment of connection.
- Ben brings the body to Carver's house.
Here are the two moments of quiet before the reveal:
ex. "INT. CARVER KITCHEN. DAWN.
Elena pours Wendy a cup of coffee. They're both in their coats.
WENDY: I don't like coffee.
ELENA: It'll warm you up.
Elena sits next to her. They both cross their legs, then raise their cups and sip the coffee, not noticing the simultaneity of their movements.
INT. GUEST ROOM. DAWN.
Jim watches the sleeping Sandy, picks up the half-empty bottle of vodka, pours himself a drink. The noise wakes Sandy up. Jim sits down on the bed at his feet.
SANDY: Dad?
JIM: Sandy.
Jim raises a quiet toast to his son and takes a gulp of vodka."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Don't be afraid to take a pause before the big punch.
It can actually increase the strength of the punch.
The Ice Storm (1997)
by James Schamus
Based on the book by Rick Moody
This is a well-written drama/tragedy (maybe satire too?)
It is about lives in quiet desperation in the 1970s.
CON: I'm glad this script exists, but it's simply not my cup of tea.
It's an observational film, and I couldn't figure out what the characters wanted (relief? oblivion? Maybe that was the point?)
PRO: I did like the last 7 pages, where the characters are confronted with a death.
**WARNING: MILD SPOILERS AHEAD**
I especially liked how the writer included two moments of quiet normalcy before the reveal. It increased the tension: "Oh no! These are the lives that will be shattered!"
In more detail:
- Ben finds the body.
- His wife Elena finds their teen daughter Wendy asleep with Sandy Carver (at the Carver's house. Sandy's dad is Jim Carver.)
- Elena and daughter Wendy have a quiet moment of connection.
- Jim Carver and his son Sandy have a quiet moment of connection.
- Ben brings the body to Carver's house.
Here are the two moments of quiet before the reveal:
ex. "INT. CARVER KITCHEN. DAWN.
Elena pours Wendy a cup of coffee. They're both in their coats.
WENDY: I don't like coffee.
ELENA: It'll warm you up.
Elena sits next to her. They both cross their legs, then raise their cups and sip the coffee, not noticing the simultaneity of their movements.
INT. GUEST ROOM. DAWN.
Jim watches the sleeping Sandy, picks up the half-empty bottle of vodka, pours himself a drink. The noise wakes Sandy up. Jim sits down on the bed at his feet.
SANDY: Dad?
JIM: Sandy.
Jim raises a quiet toast to his son and takes a gulp of vodka."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Don't be afraid to take a pause before the big punch.
It can actually increase the strength of the punch.
The Ice Storm (1997)
by James Schamus
Based on the book by Rick Moody
Monday, December 4, 2017
TODAY'S NUGGET: In Good Company (2004) - "Well-Defined, Three Dimensional Character"
[Quick Summary: A 51 y.o. magazine ad exec is demoted and to make it worse, his daughter starts dating his new 26 y.o. boss.]
What is a "well-defined, three dimensional character"?!
Over the years, I've grown frustrated with this term for 2 reasons:
1) Everyone wants one, but what is it? No one had a good definition.
So here are my own working definitions:
- "Well-defined" = Clear traits, flaws, distinguishing characteristics, etc.
- "Three dimensional" = We can tell the characters have larger lives outside the scene. This story is only a snapshot or a small part of that life.
2) How much do you show of a character's life to make him/her "three dimensional"? A little bit? A lot?
This is trickier. The short answer is "Just Enough," i.e., personal taste.
The long answer is: It depends on what the writer is trying to accomplish.
Some scripts have more. Some scripts have very little (mostly procedurals or plot driven).*
This script is one of those that show more of the personal life.
Why? One reason is that his professional life (demotion) leaks into his personal life (daughter in college, and a baby on the way).
In the scene below, note how:
- The parallel format makes us contrast how Dan and Carter handle stress.
- Showing a peek of their lives away from the office (away from Dan vs. Carter) gives the audience a little more about each of their motivations.
- These motives will pay off later. They're not just here to take up space.
ex. "EXT. BANK - DAY
Ann and Dan walk into a bank MORTGAGE LOAN office.
INT. BANK - DAY
Dan and Ann are in the BANK LOAN OFFICE, filling out forms for a second mortgage.
LOAN OFFICER: Sign here, here, and here and you've got your second mortgage.
Dan looks at Ann. She smiles at him, a bit ruefully.
Dan SIGNS.
INT. DIVORCE LAWYER'S OFFICE - DAY
Carter SIGNS papers.
Carter is sitting in a LAWYER'S OFFICE, filling out forms for his divorce.
DIVORCE LAWYER: Sign there, there... and there. And it's official...
Carter FINISHES SIGNING.
DIVORCE LAWYER: You're divorced."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I always afraid that if I take the reader away from the main conflict, they'll lose interest.
Here, I see that it's actually encouraged, as long as there's a reason for those scenes.
In Good Company (2004)(final shooting script)
by Paul Weitz
*To get a better feel, it helps to read a wide range of scripts.
What is a "well-defined, three dimensional character"?!
Over the years, I've grown frustrated with this term for 2 reasons:
1) Everyone wants one, but what is it? No one had a good definition.
So here are my own working definitions:
- "Well-defined" = Clear traits, flaws, distinguishing characteristics, etc.
- "Three dimensional" = We can tell the characters have larger lives outside the scene. This story is only a snapshot or a small part of that life.
2) How much do you show of a character's life to make him/her "three dimensional"? A little bit? A lot?
This is trickier. The short answer is "Just Enough," i.e., personal taste.
The long answer is: It depends on what the writer is trying to accomplish.
Some scripts have more. Some scripts have very little (mostly procedurals or plot driven).*
This script is one of those that show more of the personal life.
Why? One reason is that his professional life (demotion) leaks into his personal life (daughter in college, and a baby on the way).
In the scene below, note how:
- The parallel format makes us contrast how Dan and Carter handle stress.
- Showing a peek of their lives away from the office (away from Dan vs. Carter) gives the audience a little more about each of their motivations.
- These motives will pay off later. They're not just here to take up space.
ex. "EXT. BANK - DAY
Ann and Dan walk into a bank MORTGAGE LOAN office.
INT. BANK - DAY
Dan and Ann are in the BANK LOAN OFFICE, filling out forms for a second mortgage.
LOAN OFFICER: Sign here, here, and here and you've got your second mortgage.
Dan looks at Ann. She smiles at him, a bit ruefully.
Dan SIGNS.
INT. DIVORCE LAWYER'S OFFICE - DAY
Carter SIGNS papers.
Carter is sitting in a LAWYER'S OFFICE, filling out forms for his divorce.
DIVORCE LAWYER: Sign there, there... and there. And it's official...
Carter FINISHES SIGNING.
DIVORCE LAWYER: You're divorced."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I always afraid that if I take the reader away from the main conflict, they'll lose interest.
Here, I see that it's actually encouraged, as long as there's a reason for those scenes.
In Good Company (2004)(final shooting script)
by Paul Weitz
*To get a better feel, it helps to read a wide range of scripts.
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