[Quick Summary: In 1954, a news man reports on the case of a Japanese fisherman accused of killing another fisherman off the waters of San Piedro Island, WA.]
TWO THOUGHTS:
1) I was impressed by this adaptation because of its balance - tone, depth, conflict, layered, past, present. It is like a well constructed sandwich.
2) INCREASED STAKES. I don't remember being taught much about the Japanese internment camps in the US.
Even if I was, would I have paid close attention? Probably not.
However, this script did that by making the internment the reason the protagonist and his first love are separated.
Suddenly, there are STAKES and CONSEQUENCES, especially emotional ones.
In the scene below:
- As children, Ishmael (protagonist), fell for Hatsue, who was sent to an interment camp. She wrote him a letter breaking it off, but he never let go.
- Two decades later, he's a journalist and her husband is the accused.
- In flashback, we go back to when they meet again after the war (24 y.o.):
EXT. FLETCHER'S BAY - MORNING
ISHMAEL: Look, I want to forget you, I do. I think if you hold me, just this once, I can walk away and never speak to you again.
She just keeps looking at him. There is a bravery to her steady gaze. Her calm resolve.
ISHMAEL: Please? As one human being to another, just because I'm miserable and don't know where to turn. I need to be in your arms. If it's just for thirty seconds.
His pleading look holds her for a moment. In the silence...
HATSUE: I hurt for you. Whether you'll ever believe that or not.
Feeling behind her eyes. First time she lets it show.
HATSUE: I feel sick sometimes, with the guilt of what I've done to you. And I can't make it right.
She rises slowly. Brushes the sand from her skirt.
HATSUE: To hold you would be wrong and deceitful. You're going to have to live without holding me, that is the truth of the way things are.
She takes one step back.
HATSUE: Things end. They do. Get on with your life.
And turns away. She gathers her baby in her arms. Takes her blanket, her umbrella, her rake and her pail. He watches, never moving, as she gathers her things. Gathers them as if he wasn't there. And with her back turned...
HATSUE: Get on with your life.
She walks slowly away. Her baby cries.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Allow the characters to live with unpleasant consequences. It raises the stakes, adds reality and depth.
Snow Falling on Cedars (1999)(3/3/97 1st draft)
by Ronald Bass
Based on the novel by David Guterson
Monday, June 29, 2020
Monday, June 22, 2020
TODAY'S NUGGET: What Dreams May Come (1998) - Moment of Despair + Decisive Act
[Quick Summary: Chris, a doctor, dies and goes to heaven, but descends into hell looking for Annie, his wife, who committed suicide after his death.]
I genuinely cried at the Moment of Despair + Decisive Act turning points.
Please forgive this long post, but you won't regret reading the strong writing!
*****SPOILERS AHEAD*****
SETUP of Stakes:
Annie barely held on after she and Chris lost their two kids. After Chris died, Annie committed suicide and now is in hell, which the Tracker describes for Chris:
Chris finally found Annie! It's very bad. He comes out of her hell house to report:
I think a decisive act is one where the protagonist rights a previous wrong. Whether or not the action actually succeeds, it shows us he's learned a lesson.
What Dreams May Come (1998)(12/12/96, rev. 1st draft)
by Ronald Bass
Based on the novel by Richard Matheson
I genuinely cried at the Moment of Despair + Decisive Act turning points.
Please forgive this long post, but you won't regret reading the strong writing!
*****SPOILERS AHEAD*****
SETUP of Stakes:
Annie barely held on after she and Chris lost their two kids. After Chris died, Annie committed suicide and now is in hell, which the Tracker describes for Chris:
When you find her. Nothing will make her recognize you. Nothing will break her denial, it is stronger than her love, in fact reinforced by her love. Denial twists everything around and uses it, do you follow me? You can't outsmart it, you can't beat it....But you can say everything you long to say. Including good-bye. Even if she can't understand it.PAYOFF - Moment of Despair (Act 3):
Chris finally found Annie! It's very bad. He comes out of her hell house to report:
TRACKER: You were in there awhile.PAYOFF - Decisive Act (Act 3):
And Chris nods. Guess I was.
CHRIS: Took awhile to realize. You were right.
The Tracker adjusts the gun-metal glases. He's not happy to be right. Not happy at all.
TRACKER: Nothing you can do could ever help her. This trip was always just for you.
Chris nods once more. He knows that now. The Tracker clears his throat.
TRACKER: Did you come close...?
CHRIS: ...to losing it? Giving up my hold on the 'real'
His eyes so sad above the smile.
CHRIS (softly): ...oh yeh.
But somehow, very calm.
CHRIS: I pushed it straight to the edge. That's why I had to come out now...
A flicker of apprehension across the Tracker's eyes, because some instinct anticipates danger.
CHRIS: To tell you I'm giving up...
And in the instant the Tracker relaxes...
CHRIS: Just no. The way you think.
The Tracker freezes. To stone.
CHRIS (softly): Go home, Al. Tell my children I love them...
I do.
CHRIS: And I won't leave their mom.
His eyes say, thanks, Al. For everything. And then...
...he's gone. The door closes STRONG. Forever. [Notice there is NO WAY OUT.]
HOLD on the Tracker. What has he done?
I think a decisive act is one where the protagonist rights a previous wrong. Whether or not the action actually succeeds, it shows us he's learned a lesson.
HELL - INT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM - DAYWHAT I'VE LEARNED: Make sure the Moment of Despair is truly closing a door + Make sure the Decisive Act corrects a previous bad decision = Deeply moving
[Annie shrieks at a tarantula invading the room. Chris gets rid of it.]
He crosses the floor. Kneels down beside her bed. His face so close to her terrified eyes. But they are watching him.
CHRIS (softly): Where are we headed, babe...?
He reaches so gently, his fingertip brush her arm, and she RECOILS, fearfully. But he doesn't mind.
CHRIS: Are we headed for that pit?
He shrugs. Maybe we are. He leans closer...
CHRIS: In one minute, I won't know you. Any better than you know me.
But...
CHRIS: But we'll be together.
The tears pool in his eyes. He hadn't expected that.
CHRIS: Where we belong.
He folds his hand over hers. She tries weakly to pull it free, but he won't let her.
CHRIS: Good people end up in Hell. Because they can't forgive themselves.
Staring into her eyes.
CHRIS (whispers): Hell, I know I can't.
She is staring back. Transfixed.
CHRIS: But I can forgive you.
ANNIE: For what? Killing my children? My sweet husband?
He shakes his head. Nah, not for any of that.
CHRIS: For being so wonderful. A guy would choose hell over heaven...
Leans close. So the last words can be a whisper...
CHRIS: ...just to hang around you. [Decisive Act: Be with her vs. Leaving as he'd done when their kids died.]
And with those words, a light goes out behind his eyes. He blinks, pulls back, looks around...
CHRIS: Christ, what happened to this place? Why is it so...cold?
His arms hug himself against that. And then, his gaze falls on...
...her. And with the non-recognition in his eyes, we SNAP TO...
...his VIEW of her face. So close. The light dawning behind her dark eyes...a wondering... [Decisive act changes things.]
ANNIE: Christy...?
We blink, BLACKENING the screen for an instant. She is up now, on one elbow, pure blind panic...
ANNIE: Oh, god, HELP ME...!
Reaches out to us, blindly...
ANNIE: Christy! Don't give up...!
And BLACK SCREEN.
Silence. In the darkness.
What Dreams May Come (1998)(12/12/96, rev. 1st draft)
by Ronald Bass
Based on the novel by Richard Matheson
Monday, June 15, 2020
TODAY'S NUGGET: My Best Friend's Wedding (1997) - Rom-Com Protagonists Need to Make Bad Decisions
[Quick Summary: Julianne has a crazy plan to disrupt the wedding of Mike, her best friend from college, whom she's had unresolved feelings for.]
I have mourned the flimsy rom-coms of the last decade.
Recent heroines don't make enough bad decisions with dire heart consequences.
With a stream of good decisions, there's not enough will-they-won't-they suspense.
The scene below is a great example of a bad decision with dire consequences:
- Julianne sends an email from Mike's father-in-law-to-be to Mike's boss.
-She is trying to make it look like the FIL wants the boss to fire Mike --> causing problems between FIL and Mike --> cancelling the wedding --> allowing Mike to be available for Julianne.
-Note the script includes her physical reactions to double crossing her best friend.
INT. WALTER'S OFFICE - DAY
Julianne enter the spacious corner office, high above the city. Closes the door, quietly, behind her. So anxious, she is practically hyperventilating. She goes, slowly to the vacant cherrywood desk. Its computer and monitor standing silent. She is stalking it, like a deadly animal. And then. She is there.
Talking to herself, her own desperate support network...
JULIANNE (softly): You can do this.
Scared, filled with doubt and conflict. Her hands clutch at each other. Then, one flicks out. And the computer goes ON. The screen GLOWS. Waits for her. Her mouth is sand, her stomach water. She pulls the paper from her pocket...
...looks at it. Looks to the monitor. And begins. To type...
JULIANNE (mumbling to herself): E-mail address. To Ben Isaacson, Senior Editor, Sports Illustrated, from...Walter Wallace.
And stops. Her heart is thumping.
JULIANNE: See, you can do it. It's easy.
Doesn't look easy. Licks her lips.
JULIANNE: You do it fast, it's over. Like it never happened.
She sits. And recites as she types...
JULIANNE: Ben. I need a favor.
Here we go. This it. Types...
JULIANNE: My daughter's every happiness. And my wife's. And least of all, my own. Are in your hands.
Nods, okay. Breathing hard. Types...
...She hits a KEY. The screen goes BLANK. The computer asks ... DO YOU WISH TO SEND? She tells the computer...
JULIANNE: Are you crazy? Get him fired?
Types...NO. The computer asks...HOLD FOR LATER? And she types...YES.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: More bad decisions, please.
My Best Friend's Wedding (1997)(1st draft)
by Ronald Bass
I have mourned the flimsy rom-coms of the last decade.
Recent heroines don't make enough bad decisions with dire heart consequences.
With a stream of good decisions, there's not enough will-they-won't-they suspense.
The scene below is a great example of a bad decision with dire consequences:
- Julianne sends an email from Mike's father-in-law-to-be to Mike's boss.
-She is trying to make it look like the FIL wants the boss to fire Mike --> causing problems between FIL and Mike --> cancelling the wedding --> allowing Mike to be available for Julianne.
-Note the script includes her physical reactions to double crossing her best friend.
INT. WALTER'S OFFICE - DAY
Julianne enter the spacious corner office, high above the city. Closes the door, quietly, behind her. So anxious, she is practically hyperventilating. She goes, slowly to the vacant cherrywood desk. Its computer and monitor standing silent. She is stalking it, like a deadly animal. And then. She is there.
Talking to herself, her own desperate support network...
JULIANNE (softly): You can do this.
Scared, filled with doubt and conflict. Her hands clutch at each other. Then, one flicks out. And the computer goes ON. The screen GLOWS. Waits for her. Her mouth is sand, her stomach water. She pulls the paper from her pocket...
...looks at it. Looks to the monitor. And begins. To type...
JULIANNE (mumbling to herself): E-mail address. To Ben Isaacson, Senior Editor, Sports Illustrated, from...Walter Wallace.
And stops. Her heart is thumping.
JULIANNE: See, you can do it. It's easy.
Doesn't look easy. Licks her lips.
JULIANNE: You do it fast, it's over. Like it never happened.
She sits. And recites as she types...
JULIANNE: Ben. I need a favor.
Here we go. This it. Types...
JULIANNE: My daughter's every happiness. And my wife's. And least of all, my own. Are in your hands.
Nods, okay. Breathing hard. Types...
...She hits a KEY. The screen goes BLANK. The computer asks ... DO YOU WISH TO SEND? She tells the computer...
JULIANNE: Are you crazy? Get him fired?
Types...NO. The computer asks...HOLD FOR LATER? And she types...YES.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: More bad decisions, please.
My Best Friend's Wedding (1997)(1st draft)
by Ronald Bass
Monday, June 8, 2020
TODAY'S NUGGET: Waiting to Exhale (1995) - Show the Messiness of Internal Conflict
[Quick Summary: The struggle with relationships (loving the wrong man, divorce, finding one's self-worth) through the eyes of four black female friends.]
This script is a draw for actresses because it is wonderfully conflicted and messy.
It is especially apparent when these very loyal women are dropped into situations that are very disloyal and have to figure it out.
ex. Bernadine, whose husband has cheated on her and filed for divorce, meets James, a married business traveler whose wife is dying. Should these lonely souls have a one night stand?
ex. In the scene below, Bernadine, normally diplomatic to a fault, has lost all diplomacy following her divorce filing.
INT. BERNADINE'S HOUSE - SUNDAY EVENING
Bernie's still in her Easter attire, watching 60 Minutes, when the doorbell rings. Looks at the clock. Not time for the kids yet. Wonders who it could be. Opens the front door slowly. Truly disappointed and disturbed to see Herbert.
BERNADINE: What are you doing here?
HERBERT: Why didn't you return my calls?
Does it take a rocket scientist to figure it out?
BERNADINE: Look. My kids'll be here any minute. (beat) You've got a lot of nerve just dropping b...
Not hearing her at all.
HERBERT: I needed to see you Bernadine.
Oh, really.
BERNADINE: Herbert, look. This has been a whole lot of fu...
HERBERT: You don't get it, do you? I love you woman.
Please.
BERNADINE: Well of course you don't. You love getting laid, you love a little danger so long a it stays pretty safe, and most of all, you love hearing yourself talk about it.
Doesn't believe her. He's in a dream world, on a love high...
HERBERT: I want to marry you.
BERNADINE: Before during or after your divorce? Go home Herbert and try fucking your wife for a change of pace.
A horn honks, and Bernie sees John pull up. The kids start to run out of the car.
HERBERT: I'm filing for divorce next year. As soon as my son graduates. I can't stand her. Haven't slept with her in months. And don't intend to. She bores me to...
BERNADINE: ...death. Of course you're bored with your wife. AREN'T YOU ALL? Look. I don't want to hear all this shit about how you're gonna divorce your wife. Don't you get it? The only reason I fucked you is because you can't marry me.
The kids are now running up the walkway. John's watching with a smile on his face. Bernie's getting very uncomfortable, which makes her even angrier at Herbert. What the hell have I gotten myself into?
BERNADINE: You cheated on your wife, which means you'll cheat on your next wife, and heaven forbid you ever dreamed it was gonna be me.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Bernadine does not have it all figured out, so let's see it all: the defensiveness, vacillating, bad decisions, etc.
Waiting to Exhale (1995)(rev. 1st draft, 10/4/94)
by Terry McMillan & Ronald Bass
This script is a draw for actresses because it is wonderfully conflicted and messy.
It is especially apparent when these very loyal women are dropped into situations that are very disloyal and have to figure it out.
ex. Bernadine, whose husband has cheated on her and filed for divorce, meets James, a married business traveler whose wife is dying. Should these lonely souls have a one night stand?
ex. In the scene below, Bernadine, normally diplomatic to a fault, has lost all diplomacy following her divorce filing.
INT. BERNADINE'S HOUSE - SUNDAY EVENING
Bernie's still in her Easter attire, watching 60 Minutes, when the doorbell rings. Looks at the clock. Not time for the kids yet. Wonders who it could be. Opens the front door slowly. Truly disappointed and disturbed to see Herbert.
BERNADINE: What are you doing here?
HERBERT: Why didn't you return my calls?
Does it take a rocket scientist to figure it out?
BERNADINE: Look. My kids'll be here any minute. (beat) You've got a lot of nerve just dropping b...
Not hearing her at all.
HERBERT: I needed to see you Bernadine.
Oh, really.
BERNADINE: Herbert, look. This has been a whole lot of fu...
HERBERT: You don't get it, do you? I love you woman.
Please.
BERNADINE: Well of course you don't. You love getting laid, you love a little danger so long a it stays pretty safe, and most of all, you love hearing yourself talk about it.
Doesn't believe her. He's in a dream world, on a love high...
HERBERT: I want to marry you.
BERNADINE: Before during or after your divorce? Go home Herbert and try fucking your wife for a change of pace.
A horn honks, and Bernie sees John pull up. The kids start to run out of the car.
HERBERT: I'm filing for divorce next year. As soon as my son graduates. I can't stand her. Haven't slept with her in months. And don't intend to. She bores me to...
BERNADINE: ...death. Of course you're bored with your wife. AREN'T YOU ALL? Look. I don't want to hear all this shit about how you're gonna divorce your wife. Don't you get it? The only reason I fucked you is because you can't marry me.
The kids are now running up the walkway. John's watching with a smile on his face. Bernie's getting very uncomfortable, which makes her even angrier at Herbert. What the hell have I gotten myself into?
BERNADINE: You cheated on your wife, which means you'll cheat on your next wife, and heaven forbid you ever dreamed it was gonna be me.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Bernadine does not have it all figured out, so let's see it all: the defensiveness, vacillating, bad decisions, etc.
Waiting to Exhale (1995)(rev. 1st draft, 10/4/94)
by Terry McMillan & Ronald Bass
Monday, June 1, 2020
TODAY'S NUGGET: Johnny English (2003) - Using a Set Piece to Show Comedy & Character
[Quick Summary: Johnny English, the last MI5 agent alive, must rescue England from a criminal set on turning it into a dump.]
What is the best way that a writer can help a physical actor like Rowan Atkinson?
Take advantage of set pieces to further the comedy and the character.
For example, in the scene below:
SET PIECE = Johnny English and sidekick is in a parking enforcement truck with his Aston Martin on the flatbed. They are stuck in traffic on a bridge.
CHARACTER MOTIVE = They are chasing a hearse and competing against the mysterious Lorna.
COMEDY QUESTION: What is a funny way to use this set piece to showcase English's smarts, impress Lorna, and get him closer to the hearse (goal)?
ANSWER: Apparently it is a Crane + Aston Martin.
ex. AT THE FRONT OF THE QUEUE the hearse has pulled up onto the kerb, then with a ROAR it accelerates PAST THE LIGHTS and away down a side street toward the ROAD BELOW.
Lorna gets clear of the final car and FLASHES AWAY after it.
BOUGH (CONT'D): We're stuck, we'll never get this lorry down that pavement.
THE LIGHTS -- are still red, the LINE OF TRAFFIC isn't moving at all.
ENGLISH: We don't have to, Bough. Fire up the crane.
EXT. REAR OF TRUCK -- DAY
Bough stands by the small HYDRAULIC CRANE, working the levers as he swings the ASTON MARTIN of the flatbed and out over the SIDE OF THE BRIDGE.
CLOSE ON --THE ASTON MARTIN and sitting inside, coiled behind the wheel, English.
ENGLISH: Now, Bough!
Bough shuts off the crane and RELEASES the clamps. The Aston Martin DROPS LIKE A STONE.
EXT. STREET BELOW -- DAY
Lorna is just turning into the street below, ready to speed away after the hearse when the ASTON MARTIN suddenly SLAMS DOWN into the road DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HER.
She SWERVES wildly, the bike THUMPING into the kerb, and as it spins crazily away...
ANGLE -- LORNA
as she's CATAPULTED off the bike flies OVER the embankment, and disappears INTO THE RIVER beyond.
With a grin, English FIRES up the Aston Martin and SPEEDS OFF after the hearse.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: My setup is "The Aston Martin DROPS LIKE A STONE" because of the payoff ("suddenly SLAMS DOWN into the road DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HER."
It's essentially a guy showing off to the girl he likes.
Johnny English (2003)(rev by Will Davies, 3/1/02 draft)
by Robert Wade & Neal Purvis
What is the best way that a writer can help a physical actor like Rowan Atkinson?
Take advantage of set pieces to further the comedy and the character.
For example, in the scene below:
SET PIECE = Johnny English and sidekick is in a parking enforcement truck with his Aston Martin on the flatbed. They are stuck in traffic on a bridge.
CHARACTER MOTIVE = They are chasing a hearse and competing against the mysterious Lorna.
COMEDY QUESTION: What is a funny way to use this set piece to showcase English's smarts, impress Lorna, and get him closer to the hearse (goal)?
ANSWER: Apparently it is a Crane + Aston Martin.
ex. AT THE FRONT OF THE QUEUE the hearse has pulled up onto the kerb, then with a ROAR it accelerates PAST THE LIGHTS and away down a side street toward the ROAD BELOW.
Lorna gets clear of the final car and FLASHES AWAY after it.
BOUGH (CONT'D): We're stuck, we'll never get this lorry down that pavement.
THE LIGHTS -- are still red, the LINE OF TRAFFIC isn't moving at all.
ENGLISH: We don't have to, Bough. Fire up the crane.
EXT. REAR OF TRUCK -- DAY
Bough stands by the small HYDRAULIC CRANE, working the levers as he swings the ASTON MARTIN of the flatbed and out over the SIDE OF THE BRIDGE.
CLOSE ON --THE ASTON MARTIN and sitting inside, coiled behind the wheel, English.
ENGLISH: Now, Bough!
Bough shuts off the crane and RELEASES the clamps. The Aston Martin DROPS LIKE A STONE.
EXT. STREET BELOW -- DAY
Lorna is just turning into the street below, ready to speed away after the hearse when the ASTON MARTIN suddenly SLAMS DOWN into the road DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HER.
She SWERVES wildly, the bike THUMPING into the kerb, and as it spins crazily away...
ANGLE -- LORNA
as she's CATAPULTED off the bike flies OVER the embankment, and disappears INTO THE RIVER beyond.
With a grin, English FIRES up the Aston Martin and SPEEDS OFF after the hearse.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: My setup is "The Aston Martin DROPS LIKE A STONE" because of the payoff ("suddenly SLAMS DOWN into the road DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HER."
It's essentially a guy showing off to the girl he likes.
Johnny English (2003)(rev by Will Davies, 3/1/02 draft)
by Robert Wade & Neal Purvis
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