TODAY'S NUGGET: Atlantic City (1980) - What I Wished I'd Known About Formatting

[Quick Summary: Lou, a numbers runner who yearns for his neighbor Sally, becomes an inadvertent drug courier for her estranged husband who arrives unexpectedly.]

Q: How good is this script? 
A: Good.* Really good.**

Lead actor Burt Lancaster said of his role:

A part like that, especially at my age, happens every ten years, if you’re lucky.

Q: But the script is written in the format of a play!
A: Here's what I wished I'd known about formatting as a new writer (but you can't tell new writers until they figure it out for themselves): It's not about formatting.

Q: But I LIKE doing the formatting.  Don't you?
A: I love it. It gives me a sense of "control" over the story.

Q: What's wrong with that?
A: Nothing, unless I'm using it to hide from the truth. ex. I simply can't fix this story.  It's the formatting!  Or my characters are flat. It's the formatting!  

Q: So focus on ...what?
A: I think the writer's job is to get the reader to go in with the character, and wonder where he came from, where he's going.  

If the reader is focusing on commas and periods, you've failed.

In the scene below:
- Notice how writer (and playwright) John Guare keeps you wondering why this very neat older man is  living in a doomed building. Who is ringing for him?
- Also note that you're so into Lou's world that the format falls away.

INT. LOU'S APARTMENT. DAY.

LOU IS A MAN IN HIS 60'S, VERY FIT, VERY HEARTY. IT SEEMS
A SURPRISE TO SEE HIM IRON A TIE IN HIS ONE-ROOM APARTMENT
IN THIS DOOMED BUILDING.
BEHIND HIM A BELL RINGS. AND RINGS.
THE BELL IS CONNECTED IN A VERY MAKESHIFT MANNER TO A
CLOTHESLINE LEADING DOWNSTAIRS.
THE APARTMENT IS ALARMINGLY BARE, EVEN THOUGH HE HAS
LIVED HERE HOW MANY YEARS NOW---THIRTY? CALENDARS
ON THE WALLS. OLD MAGAZINES. THAT'S ABOUT IT.
LOU TAKES HIS TIME. HE BUTTONS HIS SHIRT VERY CAREFULLY.
HE IS A VERY NEAT GUY.
HE TAKES A PAIR OF CLEAN SOCKS FROM THE LAUNDRY PILE.
HE STUFFS THE SOCK INTO THE BELL. IT QUIETS IT, BUT IT
DOESN'T STOP ITS PULLING.
HE LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW.
LOU'S POV. WE SEE SALLY, DAVE AND CHRISSIE FROM ABOVE
ENTERING THE BUILDING.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: If musicians reading music can't wait for the next sequence of notes, the last thing they're looking at is the staff paper.

Atlantic City (1980)
by John Guare

*I am terribly impressed that it was written for a $5M budget and on a time crunch (begun in Aug., 1979, & shot Oct. 1979-Jan. 1980).

**Also, it received five Oscars nominations for:
- John Guare (Best Writing)
- Burt Lancaster (Best Actor)
- Susan Sarandon (Best Actress)
- Louis Malle (Best Director)
- Best Picture

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Age of Innocence (1993) - How to Script Longing (Use of Tension, Step Forward-Step Back)

[Quick Summary: Archer is torn between May, his family approved betrothed, and Ellen, her fascinating married cousin with whom he is more compatible.]

I remember this film's trailers, which seemed to be about infidelity (I was wrong).

I thought it would be boring and stuffy (I was wrong).

I was really moved by Archer's longing for the right woman, but settles for a socially approved one.  Archer really struggles and vacillates.

Scorsese notes two things that make the emotion ring true: 1) Tension and 2) Step forward, step back:

 ....This is a film about a society where emotions are not readily apparent or visible. There are only one or two scenes where people do get to finally say what they want and feel. So the enjoyment of shaping a scene in the editing comes from the tension between the emotion and not showing the emotion....It should make people [watching] uncomfortable, the way the characters are uncomfortable in the frames.

I like the complexity of the characters....When one of them takes a step forward, the other steps back. It's like life.  (Mirabella, Sept. 1993, p. 80)

These are seen in the scene below:
- Note the use of a calling card as a symbol of wanting to show he cares and not show it.
- Note his step forward (sending roses) and step back (taking back the card).

EXT./INT. STREET AND FLORIST NIGHT

Walking home from Ellen's along Fifth Avenue, Archer passes a flower shop. He gets only a few steps beyond it, then turns and goes back.

Inside the shop, the florist greets him instantly.

FLORIST: Oh Mr. Archer, good evening. We didn't see you this morning, and weren't sure whether to send Miss Welland the usual.

ARCHER: The lilies-of-the-valley, yes. We'd better make it a standing order. [Archer puts his fiancee first. He does the socially right thing.]

He notices a cluster of yellow roses almost fiery in their beauty.

ARCHER: And those roses. I'll give you another address.

He draws out a card and places it inside an envelope, on which he starts to write Ellen's name and address. But he stops. He removes his card and hands the clerk the empty envelope with only the name and address on it. [Yet he longs to connect with Ellen.  He wavers, "I'd better not"]

ARCHER: They'll go at once?

In extreme CLOSE-UP, Archer folds his calling card in two and places it safely in his pocket. [We sense his social safety, but his heart is heavy.]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I really felt the reality of longing - how it comes in waves, forward, backwards, the tension of wanting and not wanting.

The Age of Innocence (1993)
by Jay Cocks & Martin Scorsese
Based on the novel by Edith Wharton

TODAY'S NUGGET: Pleasantville (1998) - How to Put the "Real" in a Surreal Fairy Tale

[Quick Summary: David and his sister Jennifer, both 1990s teens, struggle to adjust when they are actually zapped into Pleasantville, a 1950s black and white tv show.]

This is a fairy tale (it says so on the cover page). 

It's also a surreal* tale where a remote control zaps David and Jennifer into a tv show (where they are now "Bud" and "Mary Sue").  

So why does it remain grounded and real?

Perhaps one reason is that the problems are very recognizable and true to life, despite the crazy situation.

For example, in the scene below: 
- In real life, Jennifer was minutes away from a hot date. But now she is stuck in this tv world and her life is ruined.  This is surreal.
- However, the problem is real, i.e., sister blames brother.
- Also the solution to the problem is real, i.e., Jennifer's head is turned by very normal, very fickle teen age hormones.  (Though Biff is not real, but you get the idea.)

JENNIFER: Oh God. We are. We're stuck We're trapped in like...Nerdville.

DAVID: Just for a little while.

JENNIFER: It's not fair. (despairing) I always knew that you'd pay a price for this. I did. I mean, like, I knew you couldn't be hopelessly geekridden for this long without suffering some, really tragic consequences...(her voice starts to waver) But I've put a lot of time into being you know..."popular" and I just don't think it's fair that the same thing should happen to me...

BOY'S VOICE (O.S.): Hi Mary Sue.

Jennifer looks to see a strapping blonde seventeen year old driving by in his convertible. He is extremely handsome with Jack Armstrong features and a letterman sweater. Biff Martin slows to a crawl at the curb.

BIFF: What's all the commotion? Where's the cat?

They glance over at the fireman who is climbing back into the front of the hook and ladder with the little kitty in his arms. He flashes Jennifer a big Pepsodent smile.

BIFF: Well...Guess I'll see ya later, Mary Sue.

He takes off down the street in his really keen convertible. Jennifer watches him go.

JENNIFER (still staring): Who's that?

DAVID: Biff Martin. Captain of the football team.

JENNIFER: Does he --you know...like me?

DAVID: As a matter of face, he does. Yeah.

CLOSE UP. JENNIFER.

She sniffles for a moment then looks off down the road where his convertible has disappeared.

JENNIFER: Hunh.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The audience must believe the relationship dynamics... even if they're about a girl falling for a handsome face (realistic) of a fictional character (surreal) and forgets the guy at home (realistic).

Pleasantville (1998)(5/1/96 draft)
by Gary Ross

*Surreal = (adj.) having the disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream; unreal; fantastic.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Old School (2003) - Need for Characterization, Context, Continuity

[Quick Summary: Newly dumped, Mitch is persuaded to turn his new house by the university into a fraternity, and runs up against the dean.]

I didn't like this script.  NOT because I couldn't follow it. NOT because I didn't laugh at the jokes. NOT because it varies dramatically from the final film.

I didn't like it because it is baggy and the story does not deliver on its promise.  

Why?  Roger Ebert explains:

"...[H]umor benefits from characterization, context and continuity. Otherwise, all you have is a lot of people acting goofy. 

Most of this draft IS people acting goofy.

Frankly, it's forgettable without a character reason (middle age is not enough), context (why are rooting for them?), and continuity (various subplots).

Unfortunately, the best part got reduced to nothing in the final film, i.e., Mitch and Nicole.  In the script, we see more of them learning to trust again.

Here's my favorite scene between two lonely people connecting:

INT. BEANIE'S KITCHEN - LATER

Amanda has scraped her knee. She's crying, sitting up on the counter, her RUGRATS DOLL lays next to her.

Mitch and Nicole are with her. Mitch is holding her hand as Nicole cleans the cut.

MITCH (soothing her): Hmm. Looks like an elephant bite, huh? Is that what happen?

AMANDA (laughing): Yeah.

MITCH: That's what I thought. But this is a very small elephant bite, I've seen much worse, you were lucky.

Nicole looks at Mitch and smiles, then finishes up. Mitch picks up the Rugrats doll...

MITCH: I think this guy might need a Band Aid too, what do you think?

Amanda nods 'yes'. Mitch puts one on the doll.

MITCH: There. Now how do you guys feel? Do you have have a full range of motion?

Mitch moves Amanda's leg around, silly, Amanda laughs. Nicole takes Amanda off the counter and sends her on her way...

NICOLE: There you go, all set.

Amanda runs out the door, back into the yard.

NICOLE: She likes you.

MITCH: Well, she's an angel -- you're very lucky.

Nicole looks at him and smiles, they seem to be making a real connection.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I didn't laugh with these characters, or at them. I didn't laugh.

Old School (2003)(shooting draft, 9/28/20)
by Todd Phillips and Scot Armstrong

*"Baggy" is a term I've come to fear and loathe after listening to hours of concise, well-reasoned, excellent journalism from film critic Mark Kermode.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Buried (2010) - Writing for $5k Budget; "Shake the Box"

[Quick Summary: Paul Conroy, a contracted truck driver, wakes up buried in Iraq in a coffin with a flashlight, cell phone and zippo lighter.]

Though the decision to keep the whole story in a box was financially driven, I think it was smart because it does set this script apart.*

But how do you keep the tension rising inside a box?

There's plenty of psychological conflict (his wife, mom w/dementia, firing from job, helpless negotiators) and external conflict (snake invading, claustrophobia, heat).

But the one thing I had not thought of was to physically Shake the Box. 

The writer chose to shake the box with an aerial attack, which does a few things:
- It causes a crack to the coffin, allowing in sand, thus increasing the jeopardy.
- It sets up a pay off.  The attack scene (below) occurs on p. 64 (setup), but it does not register with Paul what it means until p. 73 (payoff).
- Paul must interact with his environment and stay active.
- It adds to the oppressive environment and unseen exterior forces which are key for horror.

Here's the scene (p. 63):

The cell phone service begins to cut out. Suddenly, the coffin begins to vibrate slightly, dropping sand granules through the crack and onto the wood bottom, followed by the faint sound of an explosion.

Within seconds, the explosions grow louder and more proximate. The vibrations becomes so intense that it violently shakes Paul around the coffin.

The sound of jet plane engines are heard coming from above, flying by as the massive explosions continue.

Sand seeps in through the crack between the top and sides of the coffin as it shakes. Paul does his best to brace himself, but the bombardment is far too powerful.

A large crack forms in the wooden cover to the coffin, spanning almost its entire length. Sand immediately pours through the concave shaped crack, seeping in onto Paul like an hourglass.

Fearing that the top of the coffin may collapse under the immense pressure from the sand above, Paul positions himself underneath it and presses with all his might. He grunts and screams loudly, using what little strength he has left to keep the top from caving. 

The shaking soon stops, though the steady flow of sand continues.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I like that this story beat is not just a momentary scare, but sets up a situation with real dire consequences.

Buried (2010)
by Chris Sparling

*The writer explains here: "By this point, however, I began to realize that my financially-driven decision is what actually made the movie more interesting creatively, and this is why I pushed to keep the movie in the box for its duration — in spite of now having the money to shoot the other side of the phone conversations. Thankfully, the producers and the director (Rodrigo Cortes) who came on board all felt the same way as I did, as did Ryan Reynolds."

Finding Nemo (2003) - How Rounding Out Characters is an Opportunity for Exposition

[Quick Summary: Overprotective clownfish dad Marlin goes looking for his son Nemo who was scooped up by a Sydney diver-dentist.]

Q: What does the "screenwriting rule" Do Not Write Exposition mean?
A: This is a shortcut way of saying do not explain things, i.e., "Show Don't Tell."

Q: Isn't that too simplistic?
A: It's a good place to start. Eventually you'll realizes that sometimes there is no other way to deliver information except to say it (ex. "How old are you?" "Fifteen.") 

Q: So what is the purpose for the "rule"?
A: Writers like to talk about ideas, but talking heads = visually BORING. 

Q: So exposition is not the problem, but the way it is delivered is?
A: Yes. 

Q: So my job is to deliver exposition in a new way. How?
A: One way is to create a situation where the characters are rounded out.

For example, in the scene below:
- Nemo is dropped the dentist's aquarium.  He is introduced to new fish.
- Through their interactions, we learn about the characters have a life outside this story, i.e., more three dimensional.
- We learn that they are smart, observant, can be trusted, i.e., Nemo can trust them.
- The writers can sneak in exposition, ex. dentist is predictable.

PEACH (O.S.)(muffled): Mwemottamivemone!!

The tank gang looks up to Peach stuck high on the glass.

BLOAT: Can't hear ya, Peach.

PEACH (unsticks): I SAID WE GOTTA LIVE ONE!

Excited, the tank gang ditch Nemo, and swim up to Peach's level They look on with keen interest as the dentist begins work on the patient.

GURGLE: Yes!

BLOAT: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!

DEB: Whadda we got?

PEACH: Root canal, and by the looks of those x-rays it's not going to be pretty.

SFX: DRILL/SCREAM

BLOAT: Rubber dam and clamp installed?

PEACH: Yep.

GURGLE: What'd he use to open?

PEACH: Gator-Glidden drill. He seems to be favoring that one lately.

Deb tries to look past her reflection.

DEB: I can't see Flo!

PEACH: Uph, now he's doing the Shilder technique.

BLOAT: Oh, he's using a Hedstroem file.

GURGLE: That's not a Hedstroem file. That's a K-Flex.

BLOAT: HEDSTROEM!

...Without warning, a PELICAN (NIGEL) bounces off the window by the tank. The fish don't react. Keep their eyes on the dentist. The bird thrusts his head into the room, out of breath.

PEACH: Hey, Nigel.

NIGEL: What did I miss? Am I late?

PEACH: Root canal, and it's a doozy.

NIGEL: Root canal, huh? What did he use to open?

PEACH: Gator-Glidden Drill.

NIGEL: He's been favoring that one. Hope he doesn't get surplus sealer at the secondary portal terminus...(spots Nemo) Hello. Who's this?

DEB: New guy.

GURGLE: The dentist took him off the reef.

NIGEL (studies Nemo): An outie?! From my neck of the woods, eh? Sorry if I ever took a snap at ya! Fish gotta swim. Bird's gotta eat!

DENTIST (O.S.): Hey!

The dentist is heading for the window, waving the bird away.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Don't be afraid to go into the character's world and away from your character.

Much of this scene is NOT about Nemo, but it is about exploring the world (but it stays true to the overall theme, which is Nemo learning to explore).

Finding Nemo (2003)
by Andrew Stanton, Bob Peterson, David Reynolds
Story by Andrew Stanton

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Hours (2002) - David Hare Made Me Care (Use of Suspense, Transitions)

[Quick Summary: Reflecting themes of the Mrs. Dalloway novel, three women in three different time periods grapple with love, death, and meaning.]

THREE THOUGHTS:

1) This is a tricky adaptation, with a high level of difficulty. The story is more a meditation on a theme (vs. a defined plot) plus three separate story lines.

2)  Suspense.  To be honest, I wasn't all that interested in The Hours.

However, David Hare is one of those exceptional writers one who can engage me, even when I'm uninterested in the subject matter.  How does he do it?

First, he understands good old fashioned suspense, i.e., I-want-to-know-what-will-happen-next. (See example below.)

3) Transitions. Second, Hare, who is a playwright, understands film is built differently than theater. In film, emotions are affected by editing and transitions. (See example below.)

For example, in the scenes below:
- These are two separate, non-overlapping story lines.
- Virginia Woolf and Laura are in different time periods and never meet.
- For suspense: Notice that we wonder what Virginia is going to do. Where is Laura going to go?
- For transitions: Notice how the writer positions the characters and the editing cut. Virginia and Laura are separated by time and space, yet they have the same physical positions = The reader understands that they are going through similar situations.

EXT. HOGARTH HOUSE - GARDEN - DAY

...Then it's silent. VIRGINIA is left alone. She has not moved. She is still looking at the bird's grave. The bird is perfectly at peace and surrounded with petals. VIRGINIA looks. Slowly, VIRGINIA closes her eyes. Her face becomes a death mask.

INT. BROWNS' HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY (1951)

LAURA is lain out on the bed, an identical look on her face to VIRGINIA'S. Then, impulsively, she gets up from the bed.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I'd never thought about using transitions/editorial cuts to convey similarities between story lines, and thus continuing the theme.

The Hours (2002)
by David Hare
From the Pulitzer Prize winning novel by Michael Cunningham

TODAY'S NUGGET: Talented Mr. Ripley (1999) - Empathizing with the Killer-Protagonist

[Quick Summary: Though paid to bring Dickie Greenleaf back from Italy, Tom Ripley becomes obsessed with his life, willing to kill several times for it.]

It's not that Ripley wants to be Dickie, and might also be in love with him. It's that he lurks, trying to exist by taking from Dickie, i.e., a parasite and super-creepy.

The clever, uncomfortable, odd thing about this script is how it makes you empathize with Ripley, a killer and manipulator.  

It's very good at helping us feel what it's like being an outsider like Ripley.

In the scene below:
- Marge acknowledges everyone's feeling about Dickie, which mirrors Ripley's.
- Note that the other characters have more physical movement than Ripley, but we're remain focused on his reactions because he's the unpredictable one.

EXT. THE OCEAN, ABOARD THE BIRD. DAY

The boat is drifting. Freddie and Dickie and Marge are swimming, then Marge climbs back onto the boat, where Ripley is sitting alone, reading.

MARGE: You really should go in, it's marvelous.

RIPLEY: I'm fine.

She approaches him, conscious of his isolation. She's in a red bikini, and she towels herself dry as they speak.

MARGE: Are you okay?

RIPLEY: Sure.

They watch Dickie and Freddie fooling around in the water.

MARGE: The thing with Dickie - it's like the sun shines on you and it's glorious, then he forgets you and it's very very cold.

RIPLEY: So I'm learning.

MARGE: He's not even aware of it. When you've got his attention you feel like you're the only person in the world. That's why everybody loves him. Other times...

There's a yell from Dickie as Freddie wrestles with him.

DICKIE (laughing and choking): He's drowning me!

MARGE: It's always the same whenever someone new comes into his life - Freddie, Fausto, Peter Smith-Kingsley - he's wonderful - did you meet him, he's a musician, ? - ...and especially you, of course...and that's only the boys.

They watch as Freddie pushes Dickie under the surface.

MARGE: Tell me, why is it when men play they always play at killing each other...? I'm sorry about Cortina by the way.

RIPLEY: What about Cortina?

MARGE: Didn't Dick say? - he talked to Freddie...apparently it's not going to work out - (Ripley's devastated, Marge notices, can't look at him) Freddie says there aren't enough rooms.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Characters do not need to be likeable or sympathetic (I agree with what the character is doing), but do need to be empathetic (I understand why they're acting this way).

Talented Mr. Ripley (1999)(draft dated 11/1/99)
by Anthony Minghella
Based on the novel by Patricia Highsmith

TODAY'S NUGGET: Chicago (2002) - Theme Holds Together Fantasy & Actual Sequences

[Quick Summary: Told through fantasy and actual sequences, Roxie Hart is jailed and put on trial for murdering her lover.]

TWO THINGS I LIKED:

1) I like that the filmmakers clearly thought about how to take advantage of film's strengths vs. just replicating the stage musical.

ex. Film switches easily between fantasy, reality, points of view, different locations.

2) I liked that the theme of "life is a stage" is very clear, even between fantasy and actual sequences.  The scene below is a good example of how the flow works.

NOTE:
- Roxie desperately wants to be a stage star like Velma, for the stage to be her life.
- Roxie's case has replaced Velma as the latest headline of the week. Now Roxie is being replaced by Mary Sunshine.
- How do we know Roxie is being replaced? A visual that represents how it feels, i.e., "ROXIE" sign going dark.
- Roxie fakes a pregnancy = She makes life a stage

INT. "STAGE" - NIGHT

On the stage, the "ROXIE" sign goes dark.

INT. COOK COUNTY JAIL - DAY

Velma steps up to Roxie.

VELMA: How's it feel, kid?

She holds up the morning papers, which are filled with stories about the Lakeshore Drive Massacre. 

VELMA: J. Edgar Hoover couldn't find your name in the papers.

She drops the papers in Roxie's hand and starts off. Roxie gives a sudden shriek and crumbles in a faint. She moans, with eyes closed, then lifts her head a little to call out:

ROXIE: Mr. Flynn? Miss Sunshine?

She faints again. The reporters make a beeline for Roxie. Mary Sunshine peers down at her through the open bars.

MARY SUNSHINE: What is it, dear?

Billy turns to a guard, gestures grandly for the cameras.

BILLY: Someone unlock that door immediately.

ROXIE (wan and sweet): Oh, don't worry about...me. I just hope the fall didn't hurt the baby!

MATRON: Baby!

Roxie nods solemnly.

VELMA: Shit.

Roxie and Velma exchange looks. Flashbulbs pop and peppy MUSIC plays ("Me and My Baby")...

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Despite a high amount of razzle dazzle, I never was lost because the theme keeps the script grounded.  

This is always about life and stage imitating each other.

Chicago (2002)
by Bill Condon
Based on the musical play "Chicago"
Book of the musical play by Bob Fosse and Fred Ebb
Based on the play by Maurine Dallas Watkins

TODAY'S NUGGET: 52 Pickup (1986) - How to Amp Up a Thriller-Action-Adventure

[Quick Summary: When a businessman deals with his blackmailers, neither expect the twists and turns.]

This script was an unexpected emotional ride for me because:

1) Characters have REAL reactions: 

It also isolates the key ingredient in Leonard's best novels, which is the sight of a marginal character being pushed far beyond his capacity to cope. In "52 Pick-Up," there are three such characters, and by the end of the movie they are all desperately confused and frightened. -R. Ebert (underline mine)

2) There are REAL consequences = jeopardy & stakes:

The problem with so many action adventures is that nobody in the movie ever seems scared enough. People are getting killed in every other scene, and they stay cool. If the movies were like real life and this kind of torture and murder were going on, everybody would be throwing up every five minutes - like they do in John D. MacDonald's novels. "52 Pick-Up" creates that sense of hopelessness and desperation, and it does it with those three performances - three guys who are in way over their heads and know it all too well. -R. Ebert (underline mine)

I especially like how the writers do this by showing how the situation is edgy for the blackmailers (Bobby, Alan, Leo) as well as the blackmailee (Mitchell):

INT. THE BALL - NIGHT

Bobby strolling into the club. In rear booth sit Alan and Leo. On stage dancing, naked, is Doreen. Bobby walks to booth and sits.

LEO: You want something to drink?

BOBBY: Don't need nothing, man.

ALAN: I can see it. (pause) This guy's not scared yet. He's twitchy, but he's not scared.

BOBBY: Man's lookin' for a way out. So would I.

ALAN: I don't know -- who's he think he's dealing with a bunch of ding-dongs, freaks, clowns?

BOBBY: You getting close.

ALAN: I think we're going to have to dig the hole a little deeper--and man, I got an idea, a way to do it, that's un-fucking believable.

BOBBY: Well, lay it on me, see if I like it.

INT. MITCHELL'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

he sits on edge of bed and reaches into coat pocket for cigarettes. He pulls out pack --sees that it's empty. he throws it angrily at wall. 

MITCHELL: Shit.

He stretches out on his back, staring at ceiling.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When there's real obstacles (greed) + real consequences (death) + no easy way out (no cell phones, internet), tension does rise because the stakes are so close to home.

52 Pickup (1986)(6th draft, 3/25/86)
by John Steppling and Elmore Leonard
Based on the novel by Elmore Leonard