TODAY'S NUGGET: The 'Burbs (1989) - Funny is Self-Inflicted Assumptions

[Quick Summary: After neighbor Walter goes missing, the other neighbors assume a mysterious neighbor has kidnapped him, and investigate.]

GOOD NEWS: This script has some fun moments, but it's an okay script.

BAD NEWS: It's an okay script, and it's hard to put one's finger on why.* **

GOOD NEWS: I thought there were amusing + tense moments, especially when the cause is imagined and/or self-inflicted.

For example, in the scene below:
- Ray (protagonist) is curious about the new, unsociable next-door neighbors. 
- The whole neighborhood is curious about their mysterious basement noises too.
- Walter, another neighbor, has been missing for several days.
- Art, the wacky neighbor, thinks the new neighbors have kidnapped Walter. 
- Art just rang the new neighbors' doorbell and slipped a note: "I know what you did" to scare them.
- Art runs to Ray's backyard to wake up Ray, who is napping.
- While they're talking, Vince, Ray's dog, digs up a bone.
- Note the flow of rising and falling tension: Art's impulsive act leads to this tense moment --> increased by Vince finding the bone --> heightened by the unseen smoker next door --> ESCAPE! --> brought to shrieking halt by Carol's appearance.
- It's also funny, because Art started the drama by jumping to conclusions.

EXT. RAY'S BACK YARD - DAY

...ART (thrusts [the bone] at him): Look at it! This thing didn't come off a chicken! Where'd he get it?

Ray stutters and then -- his eyes lock on the fence and he blanches. 

RAY: The fence...he...pulled it out from under the fence...

Art looks once at the fence and his jaw drops.

ART: Jesus Christ! Ray! There's no doubt anymore! This is real! They killed him! They cut him up! And then they buried him in the yard!

He holds the bone in front of his face.

ART: This is Walter!

Involuntarily, Ray screams.

RAY: Aaaaagh!

MEN

PSYCHO PANIC MUSIC SHRIEKS. CAMERA ZOOMS IN AND OUT REPEATEDLY ON the bone and the screaming men in a disorienting acid-fright nightmare effect. Then...

Suddenly, Art springs on Ray and clamps a hand over his mouth! Art's eyes are wide and trained next door, where we hear a SCREEN DOOR SLAM. We start a SLOW, SUSPENSEFUL PAN OVER TO...

FENCE

All we can make out through the slats are shadows, but we can hear FOOTSTEPS on the grass within the yard...and they're coming closer...

PATIO

Art and Ray stand frozen, petrified, as the FOOTSTEPS CLOSE IN on the fence.

FENCE

Now the shadow and the footsteps are nose-to-nose with  the fence, a puff of smoke curling upward from just the other side. The WOOD CREAKS as a couple of slats bend inward, indicating the smoker is leaning on the fence, peeking through a crack.

ART AND RAY

hold each other, paralyzed with fear.

FENCE

CREAKS a little more. Then, up over the top, comes a crumpled piece of paper. It lands softly in the grass, and the smoking presence retreats. The SCREEN DOOR SLAMS again.

ART AND RAY

Art breaks from the patio, leaving Ray frozen stiff. In a crouch, he runs to the wad of paper and furiously opens it. His expression turns dark and he looks at Ray.

ART: My note...

Ray's eyes bulge and he breaks for the back door just as...

CAROL

opens the back door.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  I liked that this scene was based on Art's internal assumptions, which he acted upon, i.e., making the inner emotions seen externally.

The 'Burbs (1989)(4/15/88 draft, revised)
by Dana Olsen

* Ebert writes: "It’s hard to put your finger on exactly what’s missing from the movie. The actors do what they can with the material and the special effects are ambitious, but somehow the film fails to rouse itself into any real conviction. It’s cut and dried; we anticipate the major events in the story and we’re right. And when the explanation for the strange family’s behavior finally arrives, it’s not much of a surprise."

**For what it's worth, I think it might be to do with the low stakes:  Neighbors are curious about the new neighbors, who may have "kidnapped" a fellow neighbor, and investigate.

But what will happen if they don't investigate?  Not much.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Ask the Dust (2006) - How Robert Towne Makes Two Lovers Dueling in a Room Work

[Quick Summary: In 1933 Los Angeles, a down-on-his-luck author is struggling to write his second novel, and meets a girl.]

I've not mastered how to write an entire script only with two characters in a room.

Frankly, I run out of things to write about, and then rely too much on distractions like guns, car chases, explosions, etc.  

However, writer Robert Towne* seems to thrive - even specialize - in the dynamic between characters.  He makes it look so easy that I forget we've hardly moved. 

What does he do that's so special?  I think it's the way he makes the interior life seen.  Motives and desires spit and crackle. I can't turn pages fast enough.

For example, in the scene below:
- The protagonist Bandini is a starving writer. He has one last nickel.
- He enters the coffee shop to buy one last coffee with cream.
- The waitress gives him curdled milk which ruins his coffee.
- He's insulted until he sees her shabby shoes, which don't match her uniform.
- He starts to laugh at her, silently. She sneers at him.
- What comes next? His surprising actions are shocking...then mocking.
- I was impressed at the creativity to express outwardly whatever was inside of Bandini. Towne likely had to make things up, since the novel is in the first person.
- Also, I was impressed at Towne's ability to capture the chemistry, the fine line of passion and hate between the characters. It's the uncertainty that's captivating. 

INT. COLUMBIA BUFFET

...BANDINI: Maybe you don't know any better. Maybe you're just naturally careless. But if I were you I wouldn't be seen in a Main Street alley in those huaraches.

Bandini spits this last word out himself.

THE WAITRESS

stands trembling under the starched stiffness of her smock, her fists writhing in her pockets.

WAITRESS: I hope you die of heart failure. Right there in that chair.

Bandini tries to laugh, but it's hollow The waitress' dark eyes are flashing once more. She waltzes away and stands in front of the bar again, looking insolently back at Bandini.

BANDINI

the smile still on his face, grows red and sweaty. He tugs at his tie, trying to loosen it, but it won't loosen He grows more frantic, desperately pulling at it like it's a noose strangling him Then, utterly without warning he clutches his chest, and collapses, his head smacking the tabletop. The thick sludge in the coffee cup shakes like jello.

THE WAITRESS

is appalled. The bartender looks accusingly at her. She mutters something in Spanish and hurries back over to the table, frantic.

WAITRESS: --it wasn't my fault, I didn't do nothing I swear to God, I just asked him if he wanted more coffee, young fellow, you there, say something, please!..

She's now trembling with terror and guilt. Bandini's not moving. Then slowly he rises to a sitting position. The sneer is back on his face.

BANDINI: You can dish it out, but you can't take it, can you?

He points to the nickel on the table top.

BANDINI: You want the nickel?

He overturns the coffee cup on it. The brown sludge spreads across the table and starts to trickle onto the floor.

BANDINI: Then mop it up.

He rises insolently out of the chair, and walks to the door. There he turns and gives the waitress a salute of farewell.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Here, Towne makes the characters' inner life visible.  Bandini and the waitress liked each other, but were covering up shame and embarrassment with cutting hostility. 

How did Towne craft the scene? He created a situation where they have to intersect. It helps that each character stands in the way of the other's goal.

ex.  Bandini interrupts her job. She ruins his enjoyment of his last morsel of sustenance.

Ask the Dust (2006)(3/30/93 draft)
Directed and written by Robert Towne
Adapted from the novel by John Fante

*Towne was known mostly as a writer, but also directed about four other films.  Towne wrote and directed this film, which was also his last film.

** EXTRA: I hope these words from Mr. Hackmuth, Bandini's editor, will encourage you, as they did to me: 

HACKMUTH'S V.O.: --p.s. As to your anxieties about your limited experience with life in general and women in particular, it is alas, a truism that author's generally have less experiences than other men, this owing to the incontestable fact that you simply can't be in two places at once, Mr. Bandini. Either you're in front of the typewriter writing or you're out in the world having experiences. Therefore since you need to write and you need to have experiences to write about - you have to learn to do more with less. And doing more with less is, in a word, Mr. Bandini what writing is all about -

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Firm (1993) - How Robert Towne Sneaks Something Extra Into A Montage

[Quick Summary: When a white shoe Memphis law firm seduces a new law school grad, he discovers that it is not the trustworthy firm that he had thought it to be.]

Q: What is the purpose of montages? 
A: Most writers use them as fast and quick information dumps, ex. back story, additional facts, minor characters, etc.

Q: You mean there are other uses?
A:  Experienced writers will make them do double duty, ex. add motives in subtext. 

But exceptional writers will sneak something unusual into them. For example, in today's script, writer Robert Towne shows the characters' emotional progression.

In the scene below:
- Mitch is beginning to work at The Firm. 
- Previously, he and his wife Abby were living in a small Boston apartment, but very happy.
- Yes, this is a standard information dump of their new lives in Memphis.
- But it also shows what motivates the couple (wealth, connection).
- And most impressively, it moves us through emotional changes through increased separation, physically (spending time apart) and emotionally (not a team).

MONTAGE - DAY

A. Mitch's office: An exquisite cherrywood desk is put in place.

B. School Classroom. Abby writing on the blackboard, "My name is Abigail McDeere."

C. Mitch's office. An Early American painting being carefully hung on the wall.

D. Mitch's face watching luxurious items put in place in the office.

E. Tailor shop. Through the window we see Mitch being fitted in new clothes. Avery, arms folded, watches.

F. The Firm. Mitch at the huge library table, pouring over various volumes.

G. McDeere House. Abby, propped up in ed alone, grading papers.

H. Mitch's fingers as he runs them along the leaded panes of an imposing breakfront.

I. Mitch's office -- transformed. Oliver beams at Mitch, behind his exquisite desk, in his perfect office.

K. McDeere house. Night. Mitch rushes in, looks for Abby. Hearsay comes bounding up, jumps on Mitch.

Mitch notices a note wrapped around his collar. He unrolls it. WE SEE it reads: GAVE UP WAITING. SHARE BOWL OF KIBBLE WITH BEARER OF NOT. YOUR FIRST WIFE  ABBY.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The level of difficulty in this montage reminds me why Robert Towne was so sought after for his craftsmanship.

First, it is simple to read. Second, I marveled at depth of the emotional arc, while still maintaining the speed of the narrative. It still felt like these are real people, in a real relationship. Third, it's cinematic. 

The Firm (1993)(12/2/92 draft)
by Robert Towne & David Rayfiel
Adapted from the novel by John Grisham

TODAY'S NUGGET: Frantic (1988) - "Lean & Economical"Jealousy for BOTH Parties in One Scene

[Quick Summary: After an American doctor and his wife arrive in Paris for a cardiac conference, she is kidnapped, setting him off on a wild chase to free her.]

This script was co-written by Roman Polanski, and re-written by his Chinatown writer, Robert Towne. 

I thought the first third of the script was great, but the rest was somewhat predictable.  Or, as Roger Ebert always puts it best:

It’s a professional comeback for the director of “Rosemary’s Baby” and “Chinatown,” who was recently reduced to serving as gun-for-hire on the dreary “Pirates.” Every scene of this film feels like a project from Polanski’s heart – a film to prove he is still capable of generating the kind of suspense he became famous for. And every scene, on its own, seems to work. It is only the total of the scenes that is wrong. The movie goes on too long, adds too many elaborations and tacks on too many complications, until the lean and economical construction of the first hour begins to drift into self-parody. (emphasis mine)

I attribute that "lean and economical construction" to Towne because it contains: 
a) his trademark clever observations of human emotions; and
b) fully rounded parts. No one is simply there to prop up the protagonist. 

For example, the scene below is about jealousy -- for BOTH parties:
- Dr. Richard and his wife Sondra arrive at the hotel.
- At the desk, he is given a message from a Dr. Alembert to confirm a lunch.
- No one is supposed to know when they're arriving.
- Sondra resigns herself that Richard is going to choose the doctor over her.
- Not how quickly the tables are turned for both of them. This appears often in Towne's scripts and it's difficult to do.

INT. SUITE - BEDROOM - WINDOW

...Again she indicates the note in Richard's hand.

RICHARD: Don't confirm the lunch.

SONDRA (furious): Why not? You did tell Alembert when we were arriving a day early, didn't you, obviously you want to see him -- come on now, Richard, give me the note and don't mess around. [She feels hurt and jealous, assuming his work is more important.]

She goes for it with a swipe and misses. Richard puts it in his mouth and chews it. [I love this action because it was so unexpected from a serious doctor.]

RICHARD (as he chews): ...I didn't tell him when we were arriving...Maurice Alembert is chairman of the convention...(having some difficulty) ... not only that --  [I like this added bit of humor.]

SONDRA: Richard, don't swallow it, you'll choke -- [She is more concerned about his welfare than her feelings.]

RICHARD (still chewing): -- Oh now. [More humor.]

SONDRA: Well at least let me get you some water to wash it down.

RICHARD (following her into the bathroom): ...Not only that, Maurice Alembert doesn't give a goddam about me ever since he saw you at the Berkeley seminar last year. 'Ow is your charming wife? Be sure and bring Sondra when you come..' I'm not the only man in Paris who wants to sleep with my wife! [It's amazing at how quickly Towne turns the tables on Sondra because Richard is jealous too. This is not a one sided relationship. ]

Sondra pauses, glass in hand over the bathroom sink.

SONDRA: -- At the Berkeley seminar? ...Was he the one with the long legs who took is shoes off when he spoke? [More humor because she didn't realize who Alembert was, or her effect on him.]

RICHARD: Never mind. You're not spending the day with anybody but me.

He takes her in his arms, pausing to spit out the last of the Alembert note in the sink. Sondra suppresses a giggle and kisses him.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Towne's craft for construction is on full display here.

It's not that both parties are jealous, or that the tables are turned for both of them, but that it all happens in ONE scene in such a crisp, but emotional, manner.

Frantic (1988)(final draft, 4/10/87, with revisions)
by Roman Polanski & Gerard Brach (uncredited: Robert Towne, Jeff Gross)

TODAY'S NUGGET: Personal Best (1982) - What the "Weather of These Women's Hearts" with Power Dynamics Looks Like

[Quick Summary: Complicated power dynamics arise when Chris, a second string female college athlete, gets involved with Tory, her bisexual female friend/competitor/role model.]

Q: Why are writer Robert Towne's scripts still so great?
A: He combined two things writers have in short supply: confidence, and an understanding of people that he was able to express on paper.

Q: I understand people. Why aren't my characters as well-rounded?
A: Roger Ebert explains what makes Towne so good:

What distinguishes “Personal Best” is that it creates specific characters–flesh-and-blood people with interesting personalities, people I cared about. “Personal Best” also seems knowledgeable about its two subjects, which are the weather of these women’s hearts, and the world of Olympic sports competition. (emphasis mine)

Q: You mean fickle feelings? What's the big deal?
A: Towne is exceptionally good at knowing how to play humans against each other.  He can tease several strands of human emotion into one coil.*

It is evident in the scene I've chosen below, as well as the scene prior.

In the prior scene:
- Chris meets Tory's ex-boyfriend Willie Lee at a party after an Olympic trials meet.
- Tory drinks and dances with Willie Lee, smokes a joint, and takes coke.
- The coach (another of Tory's ex-flings) enters and sees Tory is unwell.
- He tells Tory to go to bed, but Tory refuses to go without Chris.
- Chris is happy talking with friends.
- Tory tells Chris it's "time for bed," but Chris isn't ready to leave.
- Angry Tory yanks Chris, ends up hitting a fellow competitor.  She is escorted out.
- The coach pulls Chris aside to asks her to continue to look out for Tory.
- Wow, look at all the various strands of emotion that Towne pulled! EVERYONE had different secrets (agendas, addictions, crushes, etc.)

In the scene below:
- The next day, Tory apologizes to Chris, who doesn't understand why Tory was so angry.
- Notice here that Chris begs Tory to stay together.  Later, when Chris is stronger, and Tory wants to help her, Chris will push her away.
- Also note the ebb and flow of the power dynamics.  In the previous scene, Tory was the needy one.  Now it has flipped and Chris is the vulnerable one.

INT. FALCON - CAL POLY TRACK PARKING LOT - DAY

TORY: You worry about what everybody thinks - why should you be different with me?
CHRIS: I guess I'm not.

She starts out of the car.

TORY: There's only one thing to do Chris - see other people.
CHRIS: See other people? What are you talking about?
TORY: Either we're together or we're not together.
CHRIS: Jesus Chris, Tory, we're friends.
TORY: Yeah, we may be friends but every little once in a while we also fuck each other - and you can't face that.  It hurts - and pain is pain and to do anything you got to live with it and you can't and I can't make you. Either we move out or I move out and we really are friends.
CHRIS:  -  no.
TORY: No?

Chris is clearly stunned by Tory. 

CHRIS: - I..I..need to be around you. I need to know you're there..I..Just need to be around you.

Tory smiles tightly.

TORY: Oh hell, don't worry. We'll still work out together.
CHRIS: No that's not it you make me feel like I can really do something, like I'm really gonna do..I just need you...

She trails off clutching at Tory's hand. Tory stares at Chris' white-knuckled hand over hers. WIth mild disgust: 

TORY:  - for what?

Chris continues to stares at her own lap. Tory impatiently turns away and looks out the window. Finally, a whisper: 

CHRIS: I just need you.

Tory mutters 'oh, fuck' at the seeming tepid response and starts out of the car. She's jerked back by the fierce grip Chris has on her hand. Surprised and annoyed she turns on Chris.

CHRIS

stares back trembling, then finally has to look down again - still grips Tory's hand.

TORY

tries to hold out but her resolve finally breaks.

TORY: All right, weirdo, let's go work out. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon - 

Chris nods gratefully and the two bound out of the car.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I didn't find the characters talking about feelings boring here at all. I think it's because they made unexpected, yet very honest choices, with stakes.

Personal Best (1982)
Written & directed by Robert Towne

* As a sidebar, I will note:
1) Showing these patterns of behavior often requires more time, i.e., higher page count.

2) I was surprised that I did not feel any dragging in the 172 pages of this script. 

3) Towne wrote AND directed this script, so was likely not hemmed in by someone else demanding fewer pages.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Days of Thunder (1990) - What Readers are Looking for in a Writer's Voice (Confidence)

[Quick Summary: A rookie stock car driver gets his chance at the big leagues.]

Both last week (written by Walter Hill) and this week's (written by the late, great Robert Towne) scripts are ACTION films, but they're written very, very differently. 

So WHY do they work so well? What can we learn?

1) FIT THE STYLE TO THE STORY. As we saw, Hill's single line, haiku style is well suited to the kind of stories he wants to tell, i.e., to the point, muscular, blunt.

Towne is writing about the stretch-and-pull of relationships in an action packed NASCAR season.  He writes in paragraphs, though they are engrossing.

2) CONFIDENCE IS EVERYTHING. Though they have very different styles, why do I think Hill and Towne are confident writers? That I'm in "good hands"?

First, the scripts sets out early what they're trying to accomplish, and then delivers it. The writers clearly know what the brief is.

Second, the scripts are easy to follow with a light touch. It takes a lot of experience not to over explain or leave logic gaps.  

Third, there is a panache, a showmanship that is unique to the writer.

An example from Towne is the scene below:
- Harry retired from building race cars, after getting unfairly blamed for a crash.
- Harry gets a second chance and build a new car.
- Note the visuals that Towne uses to unconsciously remind us of the stakes involved for Harry, ex. scythe over his head, "dreaded template."
- Note the logic is easy to follow.  A busy shop = full of the energy and promise a new car brings.
- Note the last line. Instead of saying "MONTAGE," Towne gives us more literary flourishes: "impressionistic, like time-lapse photography," "birth of a living thing, opening of a flower."

INT. HARRY'S GARAGE (EARLY MORN)

Harry comes in and turns on the light. He looks up at the silver scythe hovering over his head and in a fuller view it can be seen as the dreaded template, the profile of the car he must now build.

Henry looks to the roll-cage and suspension bare bones, and the only thing on the floor beneath it.

Sunlight flashes through the window and hits the roll cage. It seems to set off the welding and pounding and grinding of shiny steel, the precision cutting and buffing and fitting of fiberglass moldings as Harry furiously works with at least half a dozen men. DISSOLVE through as CAMERA moves around the rollcage and it becomes progressively encased in its silver skin - the car becoming slowly recognizable. 

Periodically the template is lowered and men painstakingly check to see the car fits into the template silhouette and swear when it's off a few millimeters. A mock engine is mounted to provide clearance for the hood differentials and gear-boxes fill the air, the pictures of fine southern ladies on the calendars change as the weeks go by and the work progresses. DISSOLVE THROUGH. The car is being painted a day-glo green and yellow with City Chevrolet painted in the primary sponsor's spot across the hood. This entire process of the car's creation should be impressionistic, like time-lapse photography - as though we're looking at organic growth, the birth of a living thing, the opening of a flower. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I particularly liked that last line.  I understood Towne was approximating the scene to the best of his ability, but also felt like he was giving other crew permission to dream too. 

That's confidence in the material, as a screenwriter.

Days of Thunder (1990)(11/20/89, 1st draft)
by Robert Towne

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Driver (1978) - Three Helpful Tips on Attempting Walter Hill's Minimalistic Style

[Quick Summary: A very successful getaway driver, who is set up by a detective, decides to turn the tables on him.]

THREE THOUGHTS:

1) STYLE IS NOT ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL. Over the years, I've been impressed by Walter Hill's terse, every-line-a-shot style.  But why couldn't I imitate it well?

Hill illuminates here that it's not a style that fits all materials:

"The Driver, which I think was the purest script that I ever wrote, and The Warriors. The clean narrative drive of the material and the splash-panel approach to the characters perfectly fit the design I was trying to make work. Of course all this depend on the nature of the material; I don’t think the style would’ve worked at all had I been writing romantic comedies.” (emphasis mine)

2) WHAT IS HILL'S MINIMALISTIC STYLE? The best description I've found is when Hill descries the feeling he got from reading the script Point Blank (1967):

"Alex’s script just knocked me out (not easy to do); it was both playable and literary. Written in a whole different way than standard format (laconic, elliptical, suggestive rather than explicit, bold in the implied editorial style), I thought Alex’s script was a perfect compliment to the material, hard, tough, and smart—my absolute ideals then." (emphasis mine)

3) WHAT DO I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MINIMALISTIC STYLE?
- It is well suited to action films.*
- Everything is purposeful, even the punctuation.**
- Because this style is so terse, words are precious. 
- Since there are so few words, information is only given on a need-to-know basis.
- Since information is on a need-to-know basis, the story relies heavily on the reader to supply additional information.
- Since the reader has to supply certain information, the writer must respect what are common understandings. 
- In other words, any kind of wild non sequiturs that require long explanations are forbidden, otherwise the reader will revolt and stop reading.

For example, in the scene below:
- PURPOSEFUL WORD CHOICE: "Wrecking yard" instead of "junk yard" sets up our expectations (see 4th point below).
- PURPOSEFUL PUNCTUATION: "Pulls up, stops" are two actions in a whole shot.
- NEED-TO-KNOW: I didn't know the Driver had a coat on until he takes the hammer out. This didn't disturb our understanding, as it is a minor detail.
- SUPPLY ADDITIONAL INFO: Note that Hill doesn't tell you there's an overhead crane ahead of time. But it's not bothersome to the reader because we EXPECT a crane in a wrecking yard.
 

WRECKING YARD - NIGHT

A Camaro parked along the otherwise deserted roadway.
Lights of the city beyond.
The LTD pulls up, stops.
Blue Mask and Green Mask climb out.
Head for the Camaro.

THE DRIVER

Gets out of the car.
Takes a ball-peen hammer out of his coat pocket.
Walks around the LTD, breaking out the windows and headlamps.
Throws the tool inside.
Attaches hooks from an overhead crane to the LTD's roof.
Hits the button.

THE LTD

Lifted off the hillside.
Carried out over yard.
The Driver hits a second button.
The LTD crashes a hundred feet below.
Becoming one of the myriad abandoned vehicles.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This style relies heavily on action and information within a common understanding (ex. crane in a wrecking yard).  

It wold not work as well for material that relies on complicated emotions, ex. push-pull of a relationship.  

The Driver (5/23/77 final)
by Walter Hill

*Hill said movies favor the action genre: “I love comedies, musicals, and thrillers like everybody else, but I confess to believing action pictures are what movies are most essentially all about. It’s the work they do best and uniquely best. I don’t mean action movies are better; in fact, most of them are actually a lot worse than the norm. But the few that really work are sublime."'

** “My scripts have always been a bit terse, both in stage directions and dialogue. I think I’ve loosened up in the dialogue department, but I still try to keep the descriptions fairly minimal, and in some cases purposefully minimalist. I still punctuate to effect, rather than to the proper rules of grammar. I occasionally use onomatopoeias now, a luxury I would certainly never have allowed myself when I was younger. My favorite description of the dilemma of screenwriting comes from David Giler, ‘Your work is only read by the people who will destroy it.’” (emphasis mine)

TODAY'S NUGGET: Reality Bites (1994) - How to Keep Momentum Rising in a Rom-Com During Dreaded Act II

[Quick Summary: After college, a Gen X documentary filmmaker and her friends face the reality of juggling the realities of love, work, and family.]

The most romantic thing about this script is that it's not all about the romance.  It's also ABOUT something, i.e., the importance of dreams.

The protagonist, Lelaina, hopes to become a documentary filmmaker after college. She constantly videotapes her friends. She gets a job at a tv station and gets fired. 

There are two very different men.  Both were oddly supportive and unsupportive:

- Troy, an old college friend who reads and thinks about philosophy.  He has no direction in life and works at the Gap store. He tried to make her laugh.

- Michael, a new VP at In Your Face TV, who meets Lelaina and sees she has ideas.  He tries to help in his own way (scene below) but has his own dreams too.

What made Act II interesting to me (and keeps momentum rising) was how the writer captured the see-saw, give-and-take of relating, as in the scene below:
- Lelaina has just been fired and Michael spend the night together.
- She shows him her film about her friends, a work-in-progress.
- Michael likes it for the wrong reasons and wants to take it to New York to show executives.
- Lelaina is not so sure it's a good idea.
- Michael also wants to take her to New York to meet his dad. He offers to pay for her ticket.
- She is flattered, but wants to pay her own way and turns down the money.
- Notice that Lelaina is trying to protect her dream and Michael doesn't quite get it. Michael has his dreams too, but Lelaina is not where he is.
- Also notice they're being open and vulnerable, but they're simply not aligned.

INT. HOTEL SUITE - MORNING

...MICHAEL (almost frustrated): What is it? --Is it that, I mean, is Troy gonna get pissed off that you're actually doing something fun and not being all like miserable with him or--

LELAINA (very irritated): What are you talking about? My God, this has totally zero to do with--I mean, Troy doesn't have anything to do with anything at all, Jesus Christ.

MICHAEL: "Jesus Christ." Okay. Alright, I was just... (sighs) I probably shouldn't even try to give you this. [He's vulnerable enough to admit he misread her. He tries to repair the situation.]

Michael hands her the cassette he made. 

MICHAEL: I don't know, this whole thing has just been--I haven't made anyone a tape since I don't even know when, when I was seventeen and acne and here I am, twenty-six. I just, I never met anyone like you before. [Again, he's vulnerable and lets her into his emotions. I really want to like this guy at this point.]

Genuinely touched by the gesture, she kisses him softly. [This is a moment of connection when she acknowledges his gift and bid for attention.]

MICHAEL: It's got KISS and I don't know why, but I stuck the Hershey's jingle on there: (sings) Nothin' like the face of a kid eating a Hershey's bar, nothing like it you'll...

She reaches out and gently touches his face, charmed.

LELAINA (soft): --Michael, I love this. But I just can't go, okay? I just can't do it. I'm sorry.  [I can't fault her because it costs her something to be this honest.]

MICHAEL: Alright, forget it. I just though it would be fun and funny and you and me, that's all.  [He's really trying but it's not what she needs right now.]

He starts out, hurt. She looks over and sees that snow is still on the TV. She turns the set off and follows him.  [They're both trying to connect, but clearly they're not on the same page.]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked that the couple veered widely in emotions, even in the same scene, because I could never predict where the scene would go

Reality Bites (1994)(12/5/92 draft)
by Helen Childress

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Jazz Singer (1980) - Bad Film, Good Script; When A Nice Couple Listens, But Does Not Hear

[Quick Summary: Against his father's wishes, a young cantor leaves his synagogue to take the shot to be a pop singer.]

This film, starring Neil Diamond (yes, you read that right), is a remake of the first talking film from 1927 film with Al Jolson.

Apparently it wasn't a hit with critics. ex. Roger Ebert's one star review which cites serious miscasting and shifting the story to the present time.

Yes, the story is somewhat unbelievable, but I thought the script was an absorbing read and I couldn't wait to turn the page.

A few reasons were:
- The characters' points of view - especially what they wanted - were very clear.
- I could see arguments for both sides.
- Very important: I felt the consequences of the decisions.
- Neither Jess or his wife Rivka is the bad guy. Both sides are listening, but not hearing each other.
- They are beginning to discover how far apart their goals are, and that conflict can't be resolved by staying together.

For example, in the scene below between Jess and Rivka:
- Jess has gone to Los Angeles. A big time rock star wants to perform Jess' song.
- Jess disagrees with the star and gets fired.
- Molly is the record label's artist relations manager.
- Molly has single-handedly been helping Jess get noticed.
- Rivka is Jess' wife who has stayed back home.
- I really liked that Rivka empathizes with Jess' feelings ("you go all the way out there..."), but also makes her stance clear without nagging ("you can bring it home as a souvenir").
- Jess also expresses his wishes to sing for audiences ("Maybe something'll happen....it sounds like a real record").
- Neither party is hearing the other person's underlying needs.

INT. SYNAGOGUE SOCIAL HALL - DAY

...RIVKA: Hello?

INTERCUT WITH: 

JESS ON PHONE

JESS: Hello from Hollywood.
RIVKA: Well, hello, stranger.
JESS: I'm sorry I couldn't call. You won't believe what's going on. I got fired.
RIVKA (genuinely sorry): Oh, Jess. I'm sorry. I really am.
JESS: No, no, it'll be okay.
RIVKA:  Some okay. You go all the way out there to turn around and come home.
JESS: I'm not coming home.
RIVKA:What?
JESS (quickly): I mean not right away. I moved in with Bubba. I'm staying the two weeks. Maybe something'll happen.
RIVKA:  Something did. You got fired.
JESS (good-naturedly): Yeah...but at least I got a pretty good demo out of it.
RIVKA:What's a demo?
JESS: Well, I sang at the Lennox session and they made a cassette out of it. You play it for agents, producers...it sounds like a real record.
RIVKA: Good. You can bring it home for a souvenir.
JESS: How's papa?
RIVKA: Counting the days. You want me to get him?

Molly drives up and honks her horn for him.

JESS (sees Molly) No, uh, look - I got to go now. Molly has an appointment to play my Demo for one of the biggest booking agents in town. I'll call you over the weekend. Bye.

He hangs up. 

ANGLE ON RIVKA

looking at the dead receiver.

RIVKA: Who's Molly?

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I really liked how real the dialogue felt.

Both sides of the conversation are figuring out, "Oh, our real goals are actually far apart," in real time, so they assume things, forget to mention things, etc.

The Jazz Singer (1997)(3/13/80 revised)
by Stephen H. Foreman and Herbert Baker
Based on the play by Samson Raphaelson

TODAY'S NUGGET: Joe's Apartment (1996) - An Unpredictable Introduction of the Roach Allies (Yes, Literally Roaches)

[Quick Summary: Straight from college, naive Joe has to share run-down apartment with singing, dancing cockroaches in New York City.]

I stumbled across this script in my search for anything else by writer-director Paul Brickman (Risky Business (1983)), who keeps a rather low profile.

To me, Brickman adds a wild, unexpected inventiveness to what otherwise might be predictable satires.

For example, in this scene below:
- Joe lives in a badly run down apartment. 
- The landlord wants to sell the building, but Joe is one of the remaining tenants.
- He sends his nephews Boris and Vlad, to scare Joe.  They break into Joe's apartment in the middle of the night.
- Joe sits up in bed, scared.
- What was interesting was how Joe's unlikely allies were introduced.  At first, they appear to be a mysterious, even a potential threat.

INT/EXT: JOE'S APT. WINDOW - NIGHT

CLOSE
Joe's eyes. He's beside himself with fear. The Nephews throw stuff around. Joe's eyes react to an unseen WHISPER.

WHISPER: Psst! Pick this up!

JOE'S POV
A dirty flashlight rolls by itself across the floor under the curtain. Joe's hand grabs it. 

WHISPER: Point it at your face. When I saw "now" -- turn it on.

JOE (Bewildered): Who--

WHISPER: Ssshh!

Vlad and Boris stomp around the practically empty apartment. They turn their backs to the curtain, behind which Joe huddles. The curtain trembles.

BORIS: Where is he?!

Joe SNEEZES behind the curtain. Slowly, murderously, the criminals turn to face the curtain. Their faces twist into hideous smiles.

They step forward and RIP the curtain open.

                                        CUT ON SOUND TO:

WHISPER: NOW!

CLICK! Joe turns on the flashlight. TWO DOZEN OR MORE LIVE ROACHES CRAWL ACROSS HIS FACE.

REVERSE ANGLE
Boris and Vlad, in shock. They SCREAM. They turn to look at each other and SCREAM again.

ANGLE
The ceiling above Boris and Vlad. It's SWARMING with COCKROACHES. Stirring Military MUSIC.

ROACH LEADER (Barking out an order): Paratroop Maneuver Alpha!

ROACHES (In military-style unison): SIR. YES, SIR!

ROACH LEADER: BOMBS AWAY!

The Roaches PEEL OFF the ceiling in flawless fighter/bomber formation. 

A HUGE ROACH lands on Vlad's RIGHT HAND. Vlad gasps in shock.

Another HUGE ROACH lands on Vlad's LEFT HAND. Vlad gasps again.

The ROACH LEADER lands squarely on VLAD'S NOSE.

ROACH LEADER: Gimme a kiss, asshole.

VLAD emits a HIGH-PITCHED, GIRLY SCREAM.

Boris, trembling violently, backs off.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: What kept me engaged was that Joe's allies were the opposite of what I expected (sweet vs. threatening). 

The unpredictability kept the tension up: What would happen next?

Joe's Apartment (1996)(5/10/4; 3rd draft, 2nd revision, "Incorporating many valuable ideas and suggestions from Paul Brickman" [sic])
by Joe Payson
Adapted from a short by Joe Payson