[Quick Summary: After he gets out of jail, a felon cannot readjust and returns to crime, the only life that he knows well.]
Max is an unsympathetic, unrepentant, and desperate felon.
I liked that the script did not try to make him "likeable" or excuse away his behavior.
Max is also lonely, looking for love, and thoughtful.
I also liked that his character had real humanity. The script did not shy from the fact that humans are messy, funny, inconsistent, kind, etc., often all at the same time.
For example (below), Max is robbing a pawn shop AND SHOPPING FOR HIS GIRLFRIEND FROM STOLEN MERCHANDISE. It's both despicable and sweet.:
ex. "INT. PAWN SHOP
Max crawling back through the hole. He takes more watches, stuffing them into his pockets. We HEAR the SOUND of PEOPLE TALKING. A WOMAN GIGGLING. He freezes. Finally the VOICES FADE. Max moves out of the cage toward the display case. He picks up small metal statue and is about to smash the glass. He looks in, sees pendants with astrological signs next to the pistols. He looks around, sees telephone. Crawls to it. Dials.
CUT TO:
INT. JENNY'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
The PHONE RINGS. Jenny, in bed, reaches for phone.
CUT TO:
INT. PAWN SHOP
Max, crouched low, on the phone.
MAX (whispers): When's your birthday?...I'm in a meeting, when's your birthday?...Jesus Christ, will you just tell me your birthday?...What sign's that?...Good, see you later...What? Just a second...
He hangs up. He moves to the case. On the way sees a small satchel, picks it up along with the small metal statue. He breaks the glass of the display case. An ALARM GOES OFF. He hurries. Sweeping the jewelry and pistols into the satchel, putting a gold Pisces on a chain in his breast pocket. He runs to rear door. Opens it. ANOTHER ALARM GOES OFF. He moves outside."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I think what makes this "felon on the run" story different for me is the humanity of Max. I don't like his choices, but I understand it.
Straight Time (1978)(final draft, dated 3/11/77)
by Alvin Sargent
Based on the novel, "No Beast So Fierce," by Edward Bunker
Monday, April 30, 2018
Monday, April 23, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: Bobby Deerfield (1977) - Invisible Structure & Setup-Payoff
[Quick Summary: After his team mate is killed in a race car crash, a world famous American driver falls for an terminally ill Italian woman who opens him up to life.]
Q: What do screenwriters do?
A: They structure a film/tv's story on the page.
Q: I thought they just wrote dialogue?
A: They do write dialogue, but it is dialogue with a purpose.
Q: Where is the difficulty in that?
A: The writer must combine/juggle/squeeze/shove several dramatic elements, such as dialogue, setups and payoffs, into a structure that is invisible to most viewers.*
Q: Can you give me an example of dialogue + setups and payoffs?
A: Let's look at the scene below from today's script. I know it doesn't look like much.
However, this is the most that Bobby speaks/reveals to anyone, including his brother or regular girlfriend.
Notice how the writer uses dialogue to setup a deepening relationship:
ex. "EXT. OUTDOOR RESTAURANT - BOBBY AND LILLIAN
...Lillian devours the dinner. Bobby watches, fascinated.
BOBBY: Don't you ever get fat?
LILLIAN: No. Do you?
BOBBY: No.
LILLIAN: You eat carefully, hmmm? [Setup for an analogy later.]
BOBBY: Right.
LILLIAN: Are you married?
BOBBY: No. You? [Bobby is not usually so straightforward.]
LILLIAN: No. Were you married?
BOBBY: Was I married? Why?
LILLIAN: Just curious. You were married.
BOBBY: Once, for a minute. [He barely knows her and reveals personal details?!]
LILLIAN: You watch people eat. But you don't eat. (pause) I have been told that the intestine is thirty-two feet long...but we control only the first few inches of it. Maybe that is why you do not eat, it's too risky. [Payoff: Eating is an analogy for control.]
BOBBY: Maybe.
LILLIAN (pause): You're a careful man, Deerfield.
BOBBY: You like to pick on me, don't you? [Setup: He calls out that she's prodding him.]
LILLIAN: I find you curious. [Payoff: She admits to her behavior.]
BOBBY: Curious, huh?
LILLIAN: You are such a turtle. [Payoff: She explains why she's curious.]
BOBBY (smiles): Well, that's one thing I've never been called...a turtle. [Humor for the 1st time! We have not seen this connecting with anyone else.]
LILLIAN: Perhaps you are the world's fastest turtle, but just the same, you are a turtle...
....Then three musicians who have been playing in the b.g. pass their table enroute to another art of the cafe. Lillian watches them for a moment.
LILLIAN (continuing): I have musicians in my family. I've thought lately about learning to play the cello. Do you have musicians in your family? [Setup: She dares to be vulnerable, go more personal.]
BOBBY: No.
LILLIAN: What do you have in your family?
BOBBY: Y'know...you're a very difficult person to have a conversation with. I never know what you're going to say next. [Payoff: Her questions make him uncomfortable, in part b/c he WANTS to engage.]
LILLIAN: Do you always know what you will say next?
BOBBY: I have some idea. But you...I mean...you're all over...Like right now, I have no idea what you're going to talk about...what you're going to hit me with...I mean...I don't know what you're thinking. [Payoff: Her vulnerability prompts him to spell out her effect on him. Maybe a first for him?]
LILLIAN: Would you like to know?
Pause. Bobby thinks a moment. She studies him. Waits for his answer.
BOBBY: Sure... [He is attracted and takes the risk.]
She waits a moment. Then lifts her hand, extends it toward him, palm up.
LILLIAN (quietly): Do you think my hands are too large to play the cello?" [Moving toward more physical and emotional involvement.]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Structure is the hard, invisible work that often gets overlooked in favor of shinier objects, like explosions and set pieces.
(And in my opinion, it's often the reason why films work, or don't.)
Bobby Deerfield (1977)(dated 4/3/76)
by Alvin Sargent
Based on the novel "Heaven Has No Favorites," by Erich Maria Remarque
*I don't want to sound like a broken record, but give yourself the TIME and SPACE to read MANY scripts to get the hang of structure. (I always wondered how many is "many"? For me, it turned out to be hundreds, plural. Not a hundred, singular.)
Q: What do screenwriters do?
A: They structure a film/tv's story on the page.
Q: I thought they just wrote dialogue?
A: They do write dialogue, but it is dialogue with a purpose.
Q: Where is the difficulty in that?
A: The writer must combine/juggle/squeeze/shove several dramatic elements, such as dialogue, setups and payoffs, into a structure that is invisible to most viewers.*
Q: Can you give me an example of dialogue + setups and payoffs?
A: Let's look at the scene below from today's script. I know it doesn't look like much.
However, this is the most that Bobby speaks/reveals to anyone, including his brother or regular girlfriend.
Notice how the writer uses dialogue to setup a deepening relationship:
ex. "EXT. OUTDOOR RESTAURANT - BOBBY AND LILLIAN
...Lillian devours the dinner. Bobby watches, fascinated.
BOBBY: Don't you ever get fat?
LILLIAN: No. Do you?
BOBBY: No.
LILLIAN: You eat carefully, hmmm? [Setup for an analogy later.]
BOBBY: Right.
LILLIAN: Are you married?
BOBBY: No. You? [Bobby is not usually so straightforward.]
LILLIAN: No. Were you married?
BOBBY: Was I married? Why?
LILLIAN: Just curious. You were married.
BOBBY: Once, for a minute. [He barely knows her and reveals personal details?!]
LILLIAN: You watch people eat. But you don't eat. (pause) I have been told that the intestine is thirty-two feet long...but we control only the first few inches of it. Maybe that is why you do not eat, it's too risky. [Payoff: Eating is an analogy for control.]
BOBBY: Maybe.
LILLIAN (pause): You're a careful man, Deerfield.
BOBBY: You like to pick on me, don't you? [Setup: He calls out that she's prodding him.]
LILLIAN: I find you curious. [Payoff: She admits to her behavior.]
BOBBY: Curious, huh?
LILLIAN: You are such a turtle. [Payoff: She explains why she's curious.]
BOBBY (smiles): Well, that's one thing I've never been called...a turtle. [Humor for the 1st time! We have not seen this connecting with anyone else.]
LILLIAN: Perhaps you are the world's fastest turtle, but just the same, you are a turtle...
....Then three musicians who have been playing in the b.g. pass their table enroute to another art of the cafe. Lillian watches them for a moment.
LILLIAN (continuing): I have musicians in my family. I've thought lately about learning to play the cello. Do you have musicians in your family? [Setup: She dares to be vulnerable, go more personal.]
BOBBY: No.
LILLIAN: What do you have in your family?
BOBBY: Y'know...you're a very difficult person to have a conversation with. I never know what you're going to say next. [Payoff: Her questions make him uncomfortable, in part b/c he WANTS to engage.]
LILLIAN: Do you always know what you will say next?
BOBBY: I have some idea. But you...I mean...you're all over...Like right now, I have no idea what you're going to talk about...what you're going to hit me with...I mean...I don't know what you're thinking. [Payoff: Her vulnerability prompts him to spell out her effect on him. Maybe a first for him?]
LILLIAN: Would you like to know?
Pause. Bobby thinks a moment. She studies him. Waits for his answer.
BOBBY: Sure... [He is attracted and takes the risk.]
She waits a moment. Then lifts her hand, extends it toward him, palm up.
LILLIAN (quietly): Do you think my hands are too large to play the cello?" [Moving toward more physical and emotional involvement.]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Structure is the hard, invisible work that often gets overlooked in favor of shinier objects, like explosions and set pieces.
(And in my opinion, it's often the reason why films work, or don't.)
Bobby Deerfield (1977)(dated 4/3/76)
by Alvin Sargent
Based on the novel "Heaven Has No Favorites," by Erich Maria Remarque
*I don't want to sound like a broken record, but give yourself the TIME and SPACE to read MANY scripts to get the hang of structure. (I always wondered how many is "many"? For me, it turned out to be hundreds, plural. Not a hundred, singular.)
Monday, April 16, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: Paper Moon (1973) - 1st vs. Final Draft & Change in Tone
[Quick Summary: When a small time hustler is roped into delivering a newly orphaned 9 y.o. to her aunt, he is surprised to find a like minded partner in crime.]
**APOLOGIZES IN ADVANCE FOR THE VERY LONG EXAMPLES**
I normally don't read early drafts of scripts, but this is Alvin Sargent.*
I also made an exception here because this quote made me curious:
I found and read a first draft (very good, male led, sunnier, two-hander) as well as the final one (very good, female led, more vulnerable and dark, ensemble).
If I were the writer, could I deliver such big switches in vision? I don't know.
I do wonder how the director explained the switch in tone that he wanted to the writer. It's something than an average reader may sense it but not know why.
The cafe scene below was one of the two that the director kept from the original.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1st DRAFT: The sunnier version.
ex. "ADDIE (crying): I - want - my - money!
MOZE: All right. All right.
Silence. Moze tries to think out a solution.
ADDIE (sniffling): I mean it ain't as how you was my pa. That'd be different you was my pa.
MOZE (quickly): Well I ain't you pa so get it out of your head, you understand? Just clear it out of your head.
ADDIE: I look like ya.
MOZE: You don't look anythin' like me. I don't look no more like you than I do that hotdog.
Pause. Then, suddenly:
ADDIE (bawling louder than ever): I WANT MY POOR SWEET DEAD MAMA'S MONEY. [Funny, no?]
MOZE: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, MAYBE I DO...it's possible. It ain't like but it's possible.
Silence. Addie seems satisfied. After a moment she picks up her hotdog and starts to eat it. Moze pushes his food away. The Waitress moves to them, giving Moze the cold eye.
WAITRESS (to Addie): How we doin' Angel Pie?
ADDIE (sweetly): Jus' fine.
WAITRESS: We gonna have a little dessert?
ADDIE: I dunno. I have to ask my Daddy.
She turns to Moze and smiles."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FINAL DRAFT: The darker, more melodramatic version.
ex. "ADDIE: (louder) I want my two hundred dollars.
MOZE: Alright, alright...just hold on...(smiles at the customers) Let me explain somethin' t'you.
ADDIE: It ain't as how you was my Pa -- that'd be different. [She makes a challenging statement vs. question (1st draft).]
MOZE: Well, I ain't you pa, so get it out of your head, you understand? I don't care what those neighbor ladies said.
ADDIE: I look like ya.
MOZE: You don't look nothin' like me. You don't look no more like me than you do that Coney Island. Eat the damn thing, will you?
ADDIE: We got the same jaw. [More confrontation.]
MOZE: Lots uh people got the same jaw.
ADDIE: But it's possible, ain't it?
MOZE: No, it ain't possible.
ADDIE (louder): THEN I WANT MY TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS. [This is a demand. Moving to blackmail? Not as funny as above.]
MOZE: ALRIGHT...Maybe we got the same jaw. Same jaw don't mean the same blood! I know a woman looks like a bullfrog, but she ain't the damn thing's mother.
ADDIE: But you met my mama in a barroom. [She won't let it go.]
MOZE: For God's sake, you think ever'body gets met in a barroom gets a baby?
ADDIE: It's possible.
MOZE: Damn it, child anything's possible. But possible don't make it true.
ADDIE: Then I want my MONEY!
MOZE: Will you quiet down.
Everybody is looking now. Addie is silent.
MOZE (softly): You don't have no appreciation, that's the trouble with you. Maybe I did get some money from that man. Well, you're entitled to that. And I'm entitled to my share for gettin' it, ain't I? I mean it weren't for me where'd you be? Some orphan home, that's where. You think them folks'd spend a penny to send you east? No sir. But who got ya a ticket t'St. Joe? Who got ya a Nehi and a Coney Island? I threw in twenty dollars extra, plus eighty-five cents for the telegram. Without me, you wouldn't have any of that. I didn't have to take you at all, but I took ya, didn't I? (pause) Well, I think that's fair 'nuf. 'N we're all better off. you get to St. Joe 'n I got a better car. Fair's fair. Now drink your Nehi and eat your Coney Island.
ADDIE: I want my two hundred dollars.
MOZE: I don't even have two hundred dollars no more, and you know it!
ADDIE (slowly): If you don't give me my two hundred dollars, I'm gonna tell a policeman how ya got it -- and he'll make ya give it to me, 'cause it's mine.
MOZE (steaming): But I don't have it.
ADDIE (slowly): Then git it. [Serious. She's not kidding.]
Moze's fist hits the counter. It all but rocks the restaurant. Everyone turns again. The Waitress moves to Moze and Addie. [His anger is a dangerous edge not found in 1st draft.]
WAITRESS (to Addie, eyes on Moze): How we doin', Angel Pie? We gonna have a little dessert after we finish up our hot dog?
ADDIE: I dunno.
WAITRESS: What d'ya say, Daddy. Whyn't we get precious here a little dessert if she eats her dog?
Addie turns to Moze. He looks at her.
MOZE (slowly): Her name ain't precious."[A serious, sour note. Not light & cheery.]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The tone change reminded me once again that film is a collaboration.
The writer needs to be able to bend the material to satisfy the producer and others.
Also, it's wise for the writer to be aware when he/she isn't on the same page as the others (and may need to step away if there are creative differences).
Paper Moon (1973)(1st draft, 12/15/71; final draft, 9/1/72)
by Alvin Sargent
Based on the book by Joe David Brown
*We're talking Ordinary People, Julia, Paper Moon, Unfaithful = 3 Oscar nominations, 2 wins.
**APOLOGIZES IN ADVANCE FOR THE VERY LONG EXAMPLES**
I normally don't read early drafts of scripts, but this is Alvin Sargent.*
I also made an exception here because this quote made me curious:
I was sent a script called Addie Pray which was based on a book. It wasn’t too good but there were two scenes in it that were wonderful: the café scene and the scene on the hill with Trixie. Those two scenes were the only two scenes that remained after the rewriting. But they were so damned good that I said to myself, “Jesus, I could do something with this.” - Interview with Director Peter BogdanovichWas the original really "not too good"? What changes did the director want?
I found and read a first draft (very good, male led, sunnier, two-hander) as well as the final one (very good, female led, more vulnerable and dark, ensemble).
If I were the writer, could I deliver such big switches in vision? I don't know.
I do wonder how the director explained the switch in tone that he wanted to the writer. It's something than an average reader may sense it but not know why.
The cafe scene below was one of the two that the director kept from the original.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1st DRAFT: The sunnier version.
ex. "ADDIE (crying): I - want - my - money!
MOZE: All right. All right.
Silence. Moze tries to think out a solution.
ADDIE (sniffling): I mean it ain't as how you was my pa. That'd be different you was my pa.
MOZE (quickly): Well I ain't you pa so get it out of your head, you understand? Just clear it out of your head.
ADDIE: I look like ya.
MOZE: You don't look anythin' like me. I don't look no more like you than I do that hotdog.
Pause. Then, suddenly:
ADDIE (bawling louder than ever): I WANT MY POOR SWEET DEAD MAMA'S MONEY. [Funny, no?]
MOZE: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, MAYBE I DO...it's possible. It ain't like but it's possible.
Silence. Addie seems satisfied. After a moment she picks up her hotdog and starts to eat it. Moze pushes his food away. The Waitress moves to them, giving Moze the cold eye.
WAITRESS (to Addie): How we doin' Angel Pie?
ADDIE (sweetly): Jus' fine.
WAITRESS: We gonna have a little dessert?
ADDIE: I dunno. I have to ask my Daddy.
She turns to Moze and smiles."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FINAL DRAFT: The darker, more melodramatic version.
ex. "ADDIE: (louder) I want my two hundred dollars.
MOZE: Alright, alright...just hold on...(smiles at the customers) Let me explain somethin' t'you.
ADDIE: It ain't as how you was my Pa -- that'd be different. [She makes a challenging statement vs. question (1st draft).]
MOZE: Well, I ain't you pa, so get it out of your head, you understand? I don't care what those neighbor ladies said.
ADDIE: I look like ya.
MOZE: You don't look nothin' like me. You don't look no more like me than you do that Coney Island. Eat the damn thing, will you?
ADDIE: We got the same jaw. [More confrontation.]
MOZE: Lots uh people got the same jaw.
ADDIE: But it's possible, ain't it?
MOZE: No, it ain't possible.
ADDIE (louder): THEN I WANT MY TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS. [This is a demand. Moving to blackmail? Not as funny as above.]
MOZE: ALRIGHT...Maybe we got the same jaw. Same jaw don't mean the same blood! I know a woman looks like a bullfrog, but she ain't the damn thing's mother.
ADDIE: But you met my mama in a barroom. [She won't let it go.]
MOZE: For God's sake, you think ever'body gets met in a barroom gets a baby?
ADDIE: It's possible.
MOZE: Damn it, child anything's possible. But possible don't make it true.
ADDIE: Then I want my MONEY!
MOZE: Will you quiet down.
Everybody is looking now. Addie is silent.
MOZE (softly): You don't have no appreciation, that's the trouble with you. Maybe I did get some money from that man. Well, you're entitled to that. And I'm entitled to my share for gettin' it, ain't I? I mean it weren't for me where'd you be? Some orphan home, that's where. You think them folks'd spend a penny to send you east? No sir. But who got ya a ticket t'St. Joe? Who got ya a Nehi and a Coney Island? I threw in twenty dollars extra, plus eighty-five cents for the telegram. Without me, you wouldn't have any of that. I didn't have to take you at all, but I took ya, didn't I? (pause) Well, I think that's fair 'nuf. 'N we're all better off. you get to St. Joe 'n I got a better car. Fair's fair. Now drink your Nehi and eat your Coney Island.
ADDIE: I want my two hundred dollars.
MOZE: I don't even have two hundred dollars no more, and you know it!
ADDIE (slowly): If you don't give me my two hundred dollars, I'm gonna tell a policeman how ya got it -- and he'll make ya give it to me, 'cause it's mine.
MOZE (steaming): But I don't have it.
ADDIE (slowly): Then git it. [Serious. She's not kidding.]
Moze's fist hits the counter. It all but rocks the restaurant. Everyone turns again. The Waitress moves to Moze and Addie. [His anger is a dangerous edge not found in 1st draft.]
WAITRESS (to Addie, eyes on Moze): How we doin', Angel Pie? We gonna have a little dessert after we finish up our hot dog?
ADDIE: I dunno.
WAITRESS: What d'ya say, Daddy. Whyn't we get precious here a little dessert if she eats her dog?
Addie turns to Moze. He looks at her.
MOZE (slowly): Her name ain't precious."[A serious, sour note. Not light & cheery.]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The tone change reminded me once again that film is a collaboration.
The writer needs to be able to bend the material to satisfy the producer and others.
Also, it's wise for the writer to be aware when he/she isn't on the same page as the others (and may need to step away if there are creative differences).
Paper Moon (1973)(1st draft, 12/15/71; final draft, 9/1/72)
by Alvin Sargent
Based on the book by Joe David Brown
*We're talking Ordinary People, Julia, Paper Moon, Unfaithful = 3 Oscar nominations, 2 wins.
Monday, April 9, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: Shampoo (1975) - Juggling Love Triangles
[Quick Summary: In 1968, George, the hairdresser who just wants to open his own shop, can barely juggle several love triangles, jealous women, and a shaky financier.]
I'm exceedingly impressed by the love triangles in this script.*
Here's a short summary (if you want to follow along):
- This is a story about George and 4 others: his ex (Jackie), his new girl (Jill), his married lover (Felicia), and Felicia's husband who is the money man (Lester).
- George is currently sleeping with Felicia and Jill, and used to date Jackie.
- Lester has fallen for Jackie and doesn't want Felicia to know.
- George wants to own his own salon but is broke. Felicia introduces him to Lester.
- Lester may invest, but wants George to escort Jackie to a party in which Lester and Felicia are attending.
- George has a date with Jill, but agrees to take Jackie. Someone else invites Jill.
- All five characters attend the party, and misunderstandings follow.
How was it possible to keep George's numerous relationship so clear in all the chaos?
I think it's because each character was fully formed. Each one had:
- a well defined desire from the start, i.e., what he/she wants
- a conflict with one (or more) character(s).
For example, in the scene below at the beauty shop:
- Felicia wants George and is willing to take crumbs. (Felicia v. George)
- George wants to keep the women happy and get his own shop with the fewest number of strings attached. (George v. women)
- Jill wants George to commit to a relationship. (Jill v. George)
.
ex. "FELICIA: George!
George winks at Mary, heads back.
FELICIA (continuing; going right on): I'm not used to that kind of treatment.
GEORGE: What kind of treatment?
FELICIA (going right on): I've never been treated that way, and I'm not going to start now.
GEORGE: Jesus, I don't know, baby, I been cutting too much hair lately. I'm losing all my concepts...
Jill has entered the shop. She approaches George.
JILL: George.
GEORGE: Hey, baby, what's happening?
JILL: They want me to go to Egypt for three weeks.
GEORGE: Great.
Jill stands there now, not knowing what to say.
GEORGE (continuing): Jill, say hello to Felicia.
JILL: Hello
FELICIA: Hello.
JILL: George.
GEORGE: Yeah, baby...
JILL: How did it go at the bank?
George looks away.
GEORGE: Great.
JILL: Could I talk to you for a second?
GEORGE: Hey, I'm, you know --
JILL: Could I?
George moves away from Felicia.
GEORGE: Yeah.
JILL (with some feeling): I said I wasn't sure if I could go.
GEORGE: Go where?
JILL (impatiently): Egypt!
GEORGE: Oh great, listen, baby, I gotta get back, okay?
JILL: Okay, but how did it go at the bank?
GEORGE: Great...can we talk later?
NORMAN (the shop's owner): George!"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: It is so clear here what desires drive the characters. (Yet until I started writing, I had no idea how difficult it was to articulate clearly.)
Also, it was refreshing to see well rounded female antagonists with lives of their own instead of flat, 2-D props for the protagonist.
Shampoo (1975)(undated)
by Robert Towne and Warren Beatty
*Was this a comedy? A drama + comedy? I am not sure, but it was funny!
I'm exceedingly impressed by the love triangles in this script.*
Here's a short summary (if you want to follow along):
- This is a story about George and 4 others: his ex (Jackie), his new girl (Jill), his married lover (Felicia), and Felicia's husband who is the money man (Lester).
- George is currently sleeping with Felicia and Jill, and used to date Jackie.
- Lester has fallen for Jackie and doesn't want Felicia to know.
- George wants to own his own salon but is broke. Felicia introduces him to Lester.
- Lester may invest, but wants George to escort Jackie to a party in which Lester and Felicia are attending.
- George has a date with Jill, but agrees to take Jackie. Someone else invites Jill.
- All five characters attend the party, and misunderstandings follow.
How was it possible to keep George's numerous relationship so clear in all the chaos?
I think it's because each character was fully formed. Each one had:
- a well defined desire from the start, i.e., what he/she wants
- a conflict with one (or more) character(s).
For example, in the scene below at the beauty shop:
- Felicia wants George and is willing to take crumbs. (Felicia v. George)
- George wants to keep the women happy and get his own shop with the fewest number of strings attached. (George v. women)
- Jill wants George to commit to a relationship. (Jill v. George)
.
ex. "FELICIA: George!
George winks at Mary, heads back.
FELICIA (continuing; going right on): I'm not used to that kind of treatment.
GEORGE: What kind of treatment?
FELICIA (going right on): I've never been treated that way, and I'm not going to start now.
GEORGE: Jesus, I don't know, baby, I been cutting too much hair lately. I'm losing all my concepts...
Jill has entered the shop. She approaches George.
JILL: George.
GEORGE: Hey, baby, what's happening?
JILL: They want me to go to Egypt for three weeks.
GEORGE: Great.
Jill stands there now, not knowing what to say.
GEORGE (continuing): Jill, say hello to Felicia.
JILL: Hello
FELICIA: Hello.
JILL: George.
GEORGE: Yeah, baby...
JILL: How did it go at the bank?
George looks away.
GEORGE: Great.
JILL: Could I talk to you for a second?
GEORGE: Hey, I'm, you know --
JILL: Could I?
George moves away from Felicia.
GEORGE: Yeah.
JILL (with some feeling): I said I wasn't sure if I could go.
GEORGE: Go where?
JILL (impatiently): Egypt!
GEORGE: Oh great, listen, baby, I gotta get back, okay?
JILL: Okay, but how did it go at the bank?
GEORGE: Great...can we talk later?
NORMAN (the shop's owner): George!"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: It is so clear here what desires drive the characters. (Yet until I started writing, I had no idea how difficult it was to articulate clearly.)
Also, it was refreshing to see well rounded female antagonists with lives of their own instead of flat, 2-D props for the protagonist.
Shampoo (1975)(undated)
by Robert Towne and Warren Beatty
*Was this a comedy? A drama + comedy? I am not sure, but it was funny!
Monday, April 2, 2018
2018 OSCARS: Mudbound (2017) - Using One Topic For Multiple Reasons in One Scene
[Quick Summary: Two contrasting, interlinked stories in post-WWII Mississippi: a tenant family, and the new family who has bought the land.]
This was a good script, though it wasn't my cup of tea.
I did like how the writers structured scenes for maximum impact.
One technique was the use of a single topic, but used in multiple ways in one scene.
For example, in the scene below, the topic is "how many did Jamie killed in the war?"
It is being used to show:
- Jamie vs. Pappy (to show difference in attitudes)
- Jamie vs. Jamie (to show how Jamie sees himself)
- Henry discovers what has changed Jamie and why
Why does this work? Why am I not confused, even when Jamie contradicts himself?
I think it's because the writers kept to one topic. It's clear and easy to follow.
ex. "Pappy smiles with his yellow teeth. Jamie shifts in his chair and lights one cigarette with another.
PAPPY (CONT'D): One thing's for sure. You must'a killed a whole lotta Krauts to get all them medals. (beat) Well, how many'd you take out?
JAMIE: I don't know.
PAPPY: Take a guess.
JAMIE: I don't know. Why's it matter?
PAPPY: A man ought to know how many men he's killed.
Henry returns with the bottle and a glass. Jamie quickly uncorks it and pours heavily. He gulps it down and refills. Henry is surprised.
JAMIE: I can tell you this. (beat) It was more than one. [Jamie provokes Pappy. Out of spite? Resentment? Disagreement?]
HENRY (under his breath): Aw, shit.
Pappy's eyes narrow and he seethes for a beat, then smirks:
PAPPY: Well, at least I looked my one in the eye before I shot him. Not like dropping bombs from a mile up in the air. [The topic brings out Pappy's attitude, which contrasts with Jamie's.]
Jame throws back his drink and pours another. Then there is uncomfortable silence until Henry interrupts:
HENRY: Well, good time to hit the hay. Got an early day tomorrow. [Henry is a peacemaker.]
JAMIE: I'll just finish my drink.
Pappy absorbs this, grabs a lantern and shuffles out....Henry starts to move off.
JAMIE: Actually it was more like four. [Jamie's truth comes out.]
HENRY: What? [He is awakening that there is more going on.]
JAMIE: Miles up in the air. The altitude we dropped bombs from.
HENRY: How can you even see anything from that high up?
JAMIE: You'd be surprised. Roads, cities, factories. Just not people. From twenty thousand feet they're not even ants. (beat) Pappy's right. A man ought to know. [This seems to contradict his boasting above. But above, it was to poke at Pappy. Here, it's turned on himself. Self-loathing?]
Jamie is haunted. Henry is concerned."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked that the writers showed me something new that I'd not seen before.
Mudbound (2017)
by Virgil Williams and Dee Rees
Adapted from the novel by Hillary Jordan
This was a good script, though it wasn't my cup of tea.
I did like how the writers structured scenes for maximum impact.
One technique was the use of a single topic, but used in multiple ways in one scene.
For example, in the scene below, the topic is "how many did Jamie killed in the war?"
It is being used to show:
- Jamie vs. Pappy (to show difference in attitudes)
- Jamie vs. Jamie (to show how Jamie sees himself)
- Henry discovers what has changed Jamie and why
Why does this work? Why am I not confused, even when Jamie contradicts himself?
I think it's because the writers kept to one topic. It's clear and easy to follow.
ex. "Pappy smiles with his yellow teeth. Jamie shifts in his chair and lights one cigarette with another.
PAPPY (CONT'D): One thing's for sure. You must'a killed a whole lotta Krauts to get all them medals. (beat) Well, how many'd you take out?
JAMIE: I don't know.
PAPPY: Take a guess.
JAMIE: I don't know. Why's it matter?
PAPPY: A man ought to know how many men he's killed.
Henry returns with the bottle and a glass. Jamie quickly uncorks it and pours heavily. He gulps it down and refills. Henry is surprised.
JAMIE: I can tell you this. (beat) It was more than one. [Jamie provokes Pappy. Out of spite? Resentment? Disagreement?]
HENRY (under his breath): Aw, shit.
Pappy's eyes narrow and he seethes for a beat, then smirks:
PAPPY: Well, at least I looked my one in the eye before I shot him. Not like dropping bombs from a mile up in the air. [The topic brings out Pappy's attitude, which contrasts with Jamie's.]
Jame throws back his drink and pours another. Then there is uncomfortable silence until Henry interrupts:
HENRY: Well, good time to hit the hay. Got an early day tomorrow. [Henry is a peacemaker.]
JAMIE: I'll just finish my drink.
Pappy absorbs this, grabs a lantern and shuffles out....Henry starts to move off.
JAMIE: Actually it was more like four. [Jamie's truth comes out.]
HENRY: What? [He is awakening that there is more going on.]
JAMIE: Miles up in the air. The altitude we dropped bombs from.
HENRY: How can you even see anything from that high up?
JAMIE: You'd be surprised. Roads, cities, factories. Just not people. From twenty thousand feet they're not even ants. (beat) Pappy's right. A man ought to know. [This seems to contradict his boasting above. But above, it was to poke at Pappy. Here, it's turned on himself. Self-loathing?]
Jamie is haunted. Henry is concerned."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked that the writers showed me something new that I'd not seen before.
Mudbound (2017)
by Virgil Williams and Dee Rees
Adapted from the novel by Hillary Jordan
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