[Quick Summary: When the patriarch dies in a "suicide" and leaves his fortune to his nurse, a canny detective steps in to find the true killer in the family.]
This script is primarily a "how-done-it" which leads to the "who."
It is a fast and excellent read.
I was particularly interested to see that the clues were laid out in flashback with an ADDED layer of the clue dropper's emotional uncertainty.
The audience's experience is similar that of an unreliable narrator: who is right? who can we trust? It is a great way to keep the suspense alive.
ex. INT. MARTA'S CAR - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
She drives out the guard gate and down the private road.
HARLAN (V.O.): Drive out the gate, then to avoid the security cameras, pull off the road BEORE the carved elephant.
Up ahead - a weathered wood carved elephant statue.
MARTA: Wait...was it before or after?
HARLAN (V.O.): AFTER the carved elephant.
MARTA: No, he said - before? Was it?
HARLAN (V.O.): BEAFTERFORE the carved elephant.
MARTA: Shit...
She yanks the wheel and pulls off BEFORE the statue.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: It's not just the clues. It's the emotional need for answers. Keep them guessing.
Knives Out (2019)
Written and directed by Rian Johnson
* I tend to classify mysteries into two camps:
- "how-done-its" (often before technology was advanced)
- "who-done-it" and/or "why-done-it"
Monday, December 30, 2019
Monday, December 23, 2019
2020 OSCARS: Little Women (2019) - Doing Something Different Isn't Enough in an Adaptation
[Quick Summary: The story of aspiring writer Jo March and her sisters Meg, Amy, and Beth in the 1850s.]
TWO THOUGHTS:
1) STUNNED. My sister is one of the hardest demographics to get into theaters:
- She BALKS at going to the movies.
- She would rather watch tv re-runs of "Say Yes to the Dress" at home because she can multi-task, i.e., short attention span.
However, she is also the best demographic if she likes the film:
- She tells EVERYONE about the film. You can't pay her to shut up.
- She buys the soundtracks, DVDs for the extras.
So when she insisted that we must see this film on opening day (Christmas), I was stunned. * **
2) DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT ISN'T ENOUGH IN ADAPTATION.
Making a film just to "do something different" would have been boring and a waste of money. Audiences want more. (Or as my sister put it, "well done.")
I think the smartest thing the producers did here was to match the right writer to the material.
Writer/director Greta Gerwig said that this film is about "women, art, and money," and understood that these themes have not gone away for women.
How did Gerwig make this script FEEL like the book even though the structure is different (told in flashback)?
I think it is because she:
a) was well aware of the themes and
b) used the form (flashback) to make a point about it.
In the scenes below, notice the contrast from past (carefree, close family fun) to present (hard work, poor, lonely).
ex. "INT./EXT. MARCH HOUSE. NIGHT. 1861.
...The girls laugh and prance and gossip around the warm fire. He stands apart, loving them all, the whole family...
EXT. MARCH HOUSE. NIGHT. CONTINUOUS.
...but most especially Jo. As Laurie retreats back to his big, lonely house, he looks across the field to Jo, writing alone in the attic, absorbed with her work.
THE PRESENT. EXT./INT. NEW YORK BOARDING HOUSE. NIGHT. 1868.
Jo works with her writing costume on: an antique military jacket. Her writing is like an attack, moving into enemy territory and occupying space. Her hand starts to cramp, she shakes it, stretches it, and then switches hands.
Suddenly she stops - she's heard something. She opens the door, but the hallway is empty. She looks down and sees a book, a very beautiful copy of The Complete Works of William Shakespeare. She opens the cover - inside there is a note:
FRIEDRICH (read to camera): For the writer in the attic: Because you enjoyed the play o much tonight, I wanted you to have this. It will help you study character and paint it with your pen. I would love to read what you're writing, if you'll trust me. I promise honesty and whatever intelligence I can muster. Yours, Friedrich
Jo opens the book and almost greedily she begins to read, reciting the words to herself.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was impressed that Gerwig always knew what point she was making. It shows up in the unity of the script.
Little Women (2019)
by Greta Gerwig
Based on the novel by Louisa May Alcott
*You all want to know, "How do you get THAT demographic into the theater?!"
When I asked her, she replied, "It has to be well done."
Sigh. Not helpful. What makes a film "well done"?!
**She also mentioned becoming interested after seeing a segment interviewing the director on her favorite "CBS Sunday Morning."
So I guess knowing the audience you're marketing your film to?
TWO THOUGHTS:
1) STUNNED. My sister is one of the hardest demographics to get into theaters:
- She BALKS at going to the movies.
- She would rather watch tv re-runs of "Say Yes to the Dress" at home because she can multi-task, i.e., short attention span.
However, she is also the best demographic if she likes the film:
- She tells EVERYONE about the film. You can't pay her to shut up.
- She buys the soundtracks, DVDs for the extras.
So when she insisted that we must see this film on opening day (Christmas), I was stunned. * **
2) DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT ISN'T ENOUGH IN ADAPTATION.
Making a film just to "do something different" would have been boring and a waste of money. Audiences want more. (Or as my sister put it, "well done.")
I think the smartest thing the producers did here was to match the right writer to the material.
Writer/director Greta Gerwig said that this film is about "women, art, and money," and understood that these themes have not gone away for women.
How did Gerwig make this script FEEL like the book even though the structure is different (told in flashback)?
I think it is because she:
a) was well aware of the themes and
b) used the form (flashback) to make a point about it.
In the scenes below, notice the contrast from past (carefree, close family fun) to present (hard work, poor, lonely).
ex. "INT./EXT. MARCH HOUSE. NIGHT. 1861.
...The girls laugh and prance and gossip around the warm fire. He stands apart, loving them all, the whole family...
EXT. MARCH HOUSE. NIGHT. CONTINUOUS.
...but most especially Jo. As Laurie retreats back to his big, lonely house, he looks across the field to Jo, writing alone in the attic, absorbed with her work.
THE PRESENT. EXT./INT. NEW YORK BOARDING HOUSE. NIGHT. 1868.
Jo works with her writing costume on: an antique military jacket. Her writing is like an attack, moving into enemy territory and occupying space. Her hand starts to cramp, she shakes it, stretches it, and then switches hands.
Suddenly she stops - she's heard something. She opens the door, but the hallway is empty. She looks down and sees a book, a very beautiful copy of The Complete Works of William Shakespeare. She opens the cover - inside there is a note:
FRIEDRICH (read to camera): For the writer in the attic: Because you enjoyed the play o much tonight, I wanted you to have this. It will help you study character and paint it with your pen. I would love to read what you're writing, if you'll trust me. I promise honesty and whatever intelligence I can muster. Yours, Friedrich
Jo opens the book and almost greedily she begins to read, reciting the words to herself.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was impressed that Gerwig always knew what point she was making. It shows up in the unity of the script.
Little Women (2019)
by Greta Gerwig
Based on the novel by Louisa May Alcott
*You all want to know, "How do you get THAT demographic into the theater?!"
When I asked her, she replied, "It has to be well done."
Sigh. Not helpful. What makes a film "well done"?!
**She also mentioned becoming interested after seeing a segment interviewing the director on her favorite "CBS Sunday Morning."
So I guess knowing the audience you're marketing your film to?
Monday, December 16, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: The Falcon and the Snowman (1985) - Criminal With Scruples
[Quick Summary: In 1970s L.A., two childhood friends (a gov't code room clerk and a minor drug pusher) sell classified secrets to the Russians.]
I'd like to paint humans as all good or bad, but it would be boring and untrue.
Humans are a mix of good, bad, and the contradictory.
This is especially apparent in criminals with scruples like the Daulton character.
He comes from a good home, yet he is a heroin addict.
He loves his family, yet he runs his drug business from his parents' pool house.
He is loyal to his childhood friend Chris, yet will end up blackmailing him.
So why do we even empathize with Daulton?
He does aspire to higher moral ground occasionally, especially concerning Chris.
Note in the scene below:
- Chris and Daulton are in their early 20s.
- Chris has just come back to town. His first stop is Daulton's family's home.
- They have just sat down to breakfast in the backyard.
- Notice Daulton has Chris' best interests in mind...but it is also self-serving.
- Also notice the shorthand between them that signals a long-standing friendship.
ex. EXT. LEE BACKYARD - DAY
...CHRIS: Changed my mind -- no seminary -- couldn't go through with it, what've you been up to?
DAULTON: What're you talking about?
CHRIS: Give me some cantaloupe.
DAULTON: This is some kind of bad joke.
Chris shakes his head 'no,' and salts cantaloupe. For one of the few times in Daulton's life, he is speechless. Chris smiles proudly, but Daulton's less-than-thrilled reaction kills it.
CHRIS: Come on, congratulate me, I finally came to my senses. Took me longer than you but at least I did it.
Daulton forks an egg, stirs it around, doesn't congratulate him, doesn't even want to look at him. This is very weird...Chris expected any reaction other than this one.
CHRIS: What.
DAULTON: Forget it.
CHRIS: What --
DAULTON: What -- how many people can say that their priest and their best friend are the same person?
CHRIS: I don't believe this --
DAULTON: I could go to Confession and tell the truth...yeah, laugh, I was counting on you.
CHRIS: You tried to talk me out of it how many times?
DAULTON: So what, I didn't mean it.
CHRIS: When's the last time you even went to Mass?
DAULTON: I still go on the Holy Days and - that has nothing to do with anything -- you've disappointed me.
They study each other. Daulton eventually stops thinking about himself and what this means to him...
DAULTON: What'd you tell your folks?
CHRIS: They don't know I'm back yet.
DAULTON: That'll be interesting.
CHRIS: This is interesting.
DAULTON (eventually): Are you all right?
CHRIS: I will be.
DAULTON: What can I do?
CHRIS: Get my mind off it by whatever means necessary.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The Chris-Daulton scenes are the best parts of this script.
They are full of trust and comradery, and are a direct contrast to Daulton's solo scenes where he continues to bemoan that he can't trust anyone.
The Falcon and the Snowman (1985)(4th revisions, 11/17/83)
by Steve Zaillian
Based on the book, The Falcon and the Snowman: A True Story of Friendship and Espionage, by Robert Lindsey
I'd like to paint humans as all good or bad, but it would be boring and untrue.
Humans are a mix of good, bad, and the contradictory.
This is especially apparent in criminals with scruples like the Daulton character.
He comes from a good home, yet he is a heroin addict.
He loves his family, yet he runs his drug business from his parents' pool house.
He is loyal to his childhood friend Chris, yet will end up blackmailing him.
So why do we even empathize with Daulton?
He does aspire to higher moral ground occasionally, especially concerning Chris.
Note in the scene below:
- Chris and Daulton are in their early 20s.
- Chris has just come back to town. His first stop is Daulton's family's home.
- They have just sat down to breakfast in the backyard.
- Notice Daulton has Chris' best interests in mind...but it is also self-serving.
- Also notice the shorthand between them that signals a long-standing friendship.
ex. EXT. LEE BACKYARD - DAY
...CHRIS: Changed my mind -- no seminary -- couldn't go through with it, what've you been up to?
DAULTON: What're you talking about?
CHRIS: Give me some cantaloupe.
DAULTON: This is some kind of bad joke.
Chris shakes his head 'no,' and salts cantaloupe. For one of the few times in Daulton's life, he is speechless. Chris smiles proudly, but Daulton's less-than-thrilled reaction kills it.
CHRIS: Come on, congratulate me, I finally came to my senses. Took me longer than you but at least I did it.
Daulton forks an egg, stirs it around, doesn't congratulate him, doesn't even want to look at him. This is very weird...Chris expected any reaction other than this one.
CHRIS: What.
DAULTON: Forget it.
CHRIS: What --
DAULTON: What -- how many people can say that their priest and their best friend are the same person?
CHRIS: I don't believe this --
DAULTON: I could go to Confession and tell the truth...yeah, laugh, I was counting on you.
CHRIS: You tried to talk me out of it how many times?
DAULTON: So what, I didn't mean it.
CHRIS: When's the last time you even went to Mass?
DAULTON: I still go on the Holy Days and - that has nothing to do with anything -- you've disappointed me.
They study each other. Daulton eventually stops thinking about himself and what this means to him...
DAULTON: What'd you tell your folks?
CHRIS: They don't know I'm back yet.
DAULTON: That'll be interesting.
CHRIS: This is interesting.
DAULTON (eventually): Are you all right?
CHRIS: I will be.
DAULTON: What can I do?
CHRIS: Get my mind off it by whatever means necessary.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The Chris-Daulton scenes are the best parts of this script.
They are full of trust and comradery, and are a direct contrast to Daulton's solo scenes where he continues to bemoan that he can't trust anyone.
The Falcon and the Snowman (1985)(4th revisions, 11/17/83)
by Steve Zaillian
Based on the book, The Falcon and the Snowman: A True Story of Friendship and Espionage, by Robert Lindsey
Monday, December 9, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989) - How To Make Me Care: Flaws + Arcs = Vulnerability
[Quick Summary: When they must complete a history report by tomorrow, 16 y.o. Bill and Ted receive a mysterious time traveling phone booth to help them.]
This was a most excellent adventure to read.
First, the premise is clear: Bill and Ted must present a report on historical figures.
Second, the twist is fun: They actually time traveled to find the historical figures.
But what I liked most was that these characters had real flaws and arcs that were not overshadowed by the flashier bits.
In the scene below:
- Both Bill and Ted are rather irresponsible kids (flaws).
- But because the historical figures are helpless as babies, Bill and Ted change and step up like good 'dads' (arc)
ex. "EXT. PREHISTORIC MARSH - DAY
...TED: Beethoven. (beat) Beethoven?
Billy the Kid nudges Beethoven, who looks up and raises his hand. Next to him, Sigmund Freud is opening a Pudding Cup. He is about to lick the lid when --
TED (seeing him): Sigmund Freud! Don't lick the lid of the Pudding Cup!
But Freud does anyhow, and winces.
TED: I told you not to. Everyone! Don't lick the lids!
ANOTHER ANGLE
Genghis Khan is elbowing Abraham Lincoln, trying to make more room for himself.
TED: Genghis Khan! Abe Lincoln! That's funny until someone gets hurt!
But Genghis Khan and Lincoln keep horsing around. So Ted calls over toward --
BILL
who is sitting on top of the phone booth, fiddling with the broken antenna.
TED (O.S.): Bill, they won't stop roughhousing.
Bill, the disgruntled "father," sighs and looks over his shoulder --
BILL: Do I have to come over there and make you guys stop?"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I find vulnerability hard to write. Perhaps focusing more on flaws and arcs will get me to the same place.
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)(6th draft, 11/24/86 w/revisions)
by Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon
This was a most excellent adventure to read.
First, the premise is clear: Bill and Ted must present a report on historical figures.
Second, the twist is fun: They actually time traveled to find the historical figures.
But what I liked most was that these characters had real flaws and arcs that were not overshadowed by the flashier bits.
In the scene below:
- Both Bill and Ted are rather irresponsible kids (flaws).
- But because the historical figures are helpless as babies, Bill and Ted change and step up like good 'dads' (arc)
ex. "EXT. PREHISTORIC MARSH - DAY
...TED: Beethoven. (beat) Beethoven?
Billy the Kid nudges Beethoven, who looks up and raises his hand. Next to him, Sigmund Freud is opening a Pudding Cup. He is about to lick the lid when --
TED (seeing him): Sigmund Freud! Don't lick the lid of the Pudding Cup!
But Freud does anyhow, and winces.
TED: I told you not to. Everyone! Don't lick the lids!
ANOTHER ANGLE
Genghis Khan is elbowing Abraham Lincoln, trying to make more room for himself.
TED: Genghis Khan! Abe Lincoln! That's funny until someone gets hurt!
But Genghis Khan and Lincoln keep horsing around. So Ted calls over toward --
BILL
who is sitting on top of the phone booth, fiddling with the broken antenna.
TED (O.S.): Bill, they won't stop roughhousing.
Bill, the disgruntled "father," sighs and looks over his shoulder --
BILL: Do I have to come over there and make you guys stop?"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I find vulnerability hard to write. Perhaps focusing more on flaws and arcs will get me to the same place.
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)(6th draft, 11/24/86 w/revisions)
by Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon
Monday, December 2, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Robocop (1987) - Suspense Scene Built by "Hand Offs"
[Quick Summary: When an injured human cop involuntarily becomes the first half-human, half-robotic cop, he discovers his origins in the corruption of the city.]
BAD NEWS: I did not worry about the protagonist much. Why worry?
I had to wait until about half-way into the script until Robocop's memories of being human begin to surface.
GOOD NEWS: The action is suspenseful, which every big budget action film needs.
I particularly liked how the writers directed the flow of action and built suspense with each "hand off" in the scene below."*
Note the direct and clean flow of action:
ex. "EXT. GAS STATION
...ROBO: Dead or alive, pal. Either way you're coming with me.
EMIL
has heard these words before. He stares at Robo, staggered by nightmare deja vu.
EMIL: Y-you?
It's all too much. He opens with the MAC-10 and dives or cover behind the gas pumps. Bullets bounces off Robo's armor and shred the gas pumps. One severs the feed hose and gas sprays out under high pressure. [Emil --> bullets --> gas pump --> hose --> gas]
THE ATTENDANT
can't believe what he's seeing. Pink gas washes the glass window of the booth. He grabs his books and runs away as fast as he can. [Gas over windows]
EMIL
fires, advancing to his bike. Fountains erupt from gas pumps as he riddles them with bullets. Gas seethes across the pavement, lapping at his shoes. He panics. [Emil --> bullets --> fountains --> gas to his shoes]
ROBOVISION
Command Graphic: TARGETING. Behind the ruptured pumps, Emil jumps on his bike, and jams it into gear. The bike slips and broadies on the fuel slicked tarmac. And now we're moving very quickly, racing toward [Robovision --> Emil slipping on gas]
THE CIGARETTE
It smolders on the ground. Tiny fingers of gasoline race to meet it. [Cigarette meets gasoline]
EMIL
is terrified. The bike inches foreward as the rear wheel spins furiously, spraying gas. The bike hits dry ground and leaps away. Emil holds on for his life. [Emil spinning wheels]
ROBO
steps on the cigarette just before the gas reaches it. Gas floods the pavement around his feet. Suddenly, [Robo puts out cigarette --> gas gushes]
THE SHELL STATION
explodes. Robo is engulfed in flames and Emil, leaning low on the bike, races ahead of the fireball. [Explosion --> Emil escapes on bike]
IN THE FIRE
blackened mechanical legs step through the burning rubble. [Robo escapes]
ROBOVISION
Command Graphic: TARGETING. Vectors lock on the escaping Emil as we clear the fire, raise our blazing arm and fire. [Robovision targets Emil's bike]
EMIL'S MOTORCYCLE
flips violently. Emil goes flying." [Bike flips]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked this scene because Robocop was vulnerable and had to work around it. For much of the story, he is rather invincible and it got boring.
Robocop (1987)(4th draft w/revisions, 6/10/86)
by Edward Neumeier & Michael Miner
*Hand off = In track and field, a relay baton is handed off from team member to team member.
BAD NEWS: I did not worry about the protagonist much. Why worry?
I had to wait until about half-way into the script until Robocop's memories of being human begin to surface.
GOOD NEWS: The action is suspenseful, which every big budget action film needs.
I particularly liked how the writers directed the flow of action and built suspense with each "hand off" in the scene below."*
Note the direct and clean flow of action:
ex. "EXT. GAS STATION
...ROBO: Dead or alive, pal. Either way you're coming with me.
EMIL
has heard these words before. He stares at Robo, staggered by nightmare deja vu.
EMIL: Y-you?
It's all too much. He opens with the MAC-10 and dives or cover behind the gas pumps. Bullets bounces off Robo's armor and shred the gas pumps. One severs the feed hose and gas sprays out under high pressure. [Emil --> bullets --> gas pump --> hose --> gas]
THE ATTENDANT
can't believe what he's seeing. Pink gas washes the glass window of the booth. He grabs his books and runs away as fast as he can. [Gas over windows]
EMIL
fires, advancing to his bike. Fountains erupt from gas pumps as he riddles them with bullets. Gas seethes across the pavement, lapping at his shoes. He panics. [Emil --> bullets --> fountains --> gas to his shoes]
ROBOVISION
Command Graphic: TARGETING. Behind the ruptured pumps, Emil jumps on his bike, and jams it into gear. The bike slips and broadies on the fuel slicked tarmac. And now we're moving very quickly, racing toward [Robovision --> Emil slipping on gas]
THE CIGARETTE
It smolders on the ground. Tiny fingers of gasoline race to meet it. [Cigarette meets gasoline]
EMIL
is terrified. The bike inches foreward as the rear wheel spins furiously, spraying gas. The bike hits dry ground and leaps away. Emil holds on for his life. [Emil spinning wheels]
ROBO
steps on the cigarette just before the gas reaches it. Gas floods the pavement around his feet. Suddenly, [Robo puts out cigarette --> gas gushes]
THE SHELL STATION
explodes. Robo is engulfed in flames and Emil, leaning low on the bike, races ahead of the fireball. [Explosion --> Emil escapes on bike]
IN THE FIRE
blackened mechanical legs step through the burning rubble. [Robo escapes]
ROBOVISION
Command Graphic: TARGETING. Vectors lock on the escaping Emil as we clear the fire, raise our blazing arm and fire. [Robovision targets Emil's bike]
EMIL'S MOTORCYCLE
flips violently. Emil goes flying." [Bike flips]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked this scene because Robocop was vulnerable and had to work around it. For much of the story, he is rather invincible and it got boring.
Robocop (1987)(4th draft w/revisions, 6/10/86)
by Edward Neumeier & Michael Miner
*Hand off = In track and field, a relay baton is handed off from team member to team member.
Monday, November 25, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Prizzi's Honor (1985) - Devious Plot Construction; Just Right Amount of Clarity & Information
[Quick Summary: Against everyone's wishes, Charley, an assassin for the Prizzi mobster family, falls for a blonde, who is also an assassin for hire.]
I don't say this about many scripts, but this one is dazzling.
I offer two reasons why:
1) DEVIOUS PLOT CONSTRUCTION.
This script impressed me because the writers gave me just enough clarity, just enough information.
I could tell because I was able to follow the current scene easily, and then pick up more crumbs later without being confused.
ex. The script begins with this scene:
TWO MEN STAND TOGETHER IN A HOSPITAL CORRIDOR LOOKING THROUGH THE GLASS WINDOW OF A HOSPITAL NURSERY.
DON CORRADO (putting arm around ANGELO PARTANNA, as they look down into bassinet at the infant): You son has lost his mother but he has gained another father. I am his father now, with you. I will be as one with you in protecting his future.
[Who are these men? How do they know each other? We do not know.
BUT it is clear that they have a bond...and that is enough for me to follow for now.
Then four pages later...]
INT. CHURCH - DAY
...All the other men in the first four pews wear dinner jackets. Directly behind Don Corrado sits ANGELO PARTANNA, his consigliere, a scrawny, bald, and relentlessly dapper man in his mid-70's....
[Ah ha! We learn here that Partanna works for Corrado.
Notice that the writers waited until p. 5 to clarify who Corrado and Partanna were. They did not try to unload everything on p. 1.]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was also very impressed how fast the script read, in large part because the motives were so clear.
ex. The first 25+ pgs. were essentially "boy looks for mystery girl" and I was mesmerized.
Prizzi's Honor (1985)(shooting script, rev.10/30/84)
Story and screenplay by Richard Condon and Janet Roach
Based on the novel by Richard Condon
I don't say this about many scripts, but this one is dazzling.
I offer two reasons why:
1) DEVIOUS PLOT CONSTRUCTION.
The story is by Richard Condon, a novelist who delights in devious plot construction, and here he takes two absolutes - romantic love and the Prizzi's honor - and arranges a collision between them. Because all of the motivations are so direct and logical, the movie is able to make the most shocking decisions seem inevitable." - Roger Ebert2) JUST RIGHT AMOUNT OF CLARITY & INFORMATION.
This script impressed me because the writers gave me just enough clarity, just enough information.
I could tell because I was able to follow the current scene easily, and then pick up more crumbs later without being confused.
ex. The script begins with this scene:
TWO MEN STAND TOGETHER IN A HOSPITAL CORRIDOR LOOKING THROUGH THE GLASS WINDOW OF A HOSPITAL NURSERY.
DON CORRADO (putting arm around ANGELO PARTANNA, as they look down into bassinet at the infant): You son has lost his mother but he has gained another father. I am his father now, with you. I will be as one with you in protecting his future.
[Who are these men? How do they know each other? We do not know.
BUT it is clear that they have a bond...and that is enough for me to follow for now.
Then four pages later...]
INT. CHURCH - DAY
...All the other men in the first four pews wear dinner jackets. Directly behind Don Corrado sits ANGELO PARTANNA, his consigliere, a scrawny, bald, and relentlessly dapper man in his mid-70's....
[Ah ha! We learn here that Partanna works for Corrado.
Notice that the writers waited until p. 5 to clarify who Corrado and Partanna were. They did not try to unload everything on p. 1.]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was also very impressed how fast the script read, in large part because the motives were so clear.
ex. The first 25+ pgs. were essentially "boy looks for mystery girl" and I was mesmerized.
Prizzi's Honor (1985)(shooting script, rev.10/30/84)
Story and screenplay by Richard Condon and Janet Roach
Based on the novel by Richard Condon
Monday, November 18, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Used Cars (1980) - Make the Intro to the Character Count
[Quick Summary: After his boss of a used car lot dies unexpectedly, Rudy stumbles along trying to keep the lot out of the hands of the boss' evil brother.]
The plot was ok,
This script was good.
This intro to Rudy was the best part,
Since the actions explain where his character stood.
ex. "EXT. AN EDSEL - DAWN
...Lucky Used Cars is on a 4-lane highway on the outskirts of a southwestern city. Behind it, an alley, some warehouses, and high-tension lines. And the desert.
We CRANE DOWN TO
A 1974 BUICK ELECTRA 225
Its repainted body can't hide the dents and nicks. The driver's door is open.
We PUSH IN through the rear window, past the steering wheel, all the way into the dashboard, the speedometer, the ODOMETER: 98,577. Then, suddenly...CLICK! It changes to 38,577!
A MAN pops up from under the dash and bangs his head on the steering wheel!
RUDY: Ow! Fuck!
This is RUDY RUSSO, 32. Rudy is handsome, smooth, a charmer, and a mover. And a liar. His sartorial taste is a little loud. Rudy sprays some "R & L Essence of Vinyl" across the front seat, and sniffs it.
RUDY: Ahhh!"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When introducing your character through his/her actions, make it count. Make it stand out. Don't start with boring or ambiguous.
Used Cars (1980)(2nd draft, 9/18/79)
by Robert Zemeckis & Bob Gale
The plot was ok,
This script was good.
This intro to Rudy was the best part,
Since the actions explain where his character stood.
ex. "EXT. AN EDSEL - DAWN
...Lucky Used Cars is on a 4-lane highway on the outskirts of a southwestern city. Behind it, an alley, some warehouses, and high-tension lines. And the desert.
We CRANE DOWN TO
A 1974 BUICK ELECTRA 225
Its repainted body can't hide the dents and nicks. The driver's door is open.
We PUSH IN through the rear window, past the steering wheel, all the way into the dashboard, the speedometer, the ODOMETER: 98,577. Then, suddenly...CLICK! It changes to 38,577!
A MAN pops up from under the dash and bangs his head on the steering wheel!
RUDY: Ow! Fuck!
This is RUDY RUSSO, 32. Rudy is handsome, smooth, a charmer, and a mover. And a liar. His sartorial taste is a little loud. Rudy sprays some "R & L Essence of Vinyl" across the front seat, and sniffs it.
RUDY: Ahhh!"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When introducing your character through his/her actions, make it count. Make it stand out. Don't start with boring or ambiguous.
Used Cars (1980)(2nd draft, 9/18/79)
by Robert Zemeckis & Bob Gale
Monday, November 11, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: 1941 (1979) - Establishing Fun Tone From the Start with Columbia Pictures Logo
[Quick Summary: In 1940, Americans are in a frenzy because they think the Japanese have invaded the mainland...but they have not.]
I did not like 1941 as much as its successor-in-tone, Airplane! (1980) though the formats are similar (gags, non-sequiturs, multiple stories, etc.)
Did I expect too much from the creators early in their careers?*
I turned to Roger Ebert for clarification:
a) It plays with the Columbia Pictures logo in a playful way that was not often done until the 1980s.
b) It establishes a tongue-in-cheek tone right away.
ex. "FADE IN:
COLUMBIA PICTURES LOGO
The Lady With The Torch -- proud, heroic.
We HEAR the sound of an air raid siren...and then the voice of EDDIE DEEZEN, yelling!
DEEZEN (V.O.): It's an air raid! Lights out! Lights out!
Of course, the Lady With The Torch is immobile.
DEEZEN (V.O.): Hey, you crazy broad, put that light out!!!
The Lady immediately reacts -- she blows out her torch and the screen goes pitch black!
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Ebert is right. I cared more about the characters in Airplane! surviving than I did here, and it made all the difference.
1941 (1979)(Revised 9th draft, 8/28/78)
by Robert Zemeckis & Bob Gale
Based on the story "The Night the Japs Attacked," by Robert Zemeckis & Bob Gale and John Milius
* This script and film are the combined talents of Spielberg + Zemekis + Gale + Milius + Belushi + Aykroyd.
Also, the marketing tag line was: "Soon the screen will be bombarded by the most explosive barrage of #$%(& ever filmed"?
I did not like 1941 as much as its successor-in-tone, Airplane! (1980) though the formats are similar (gags, non-sequiturs, multiple stories, etc.)
Did I expect too much from the creators early in their careers?*
I turned to Roger Ebert for clarification:
...the real problem with "1941", I think: This movie was never thought through on a basic level of character and story. All sorts of things are happening, but we're never clear why they have to happen and we haven't been told enough about the characters to care if they survive or not.Ah ha! Oh well. At least I learned from the script's great opening:
a) It plays with the Columbia Pictures logo in a playful way that was not often done until the 1980s.
b) It establishes a tongue-in-cheek tone right away.
ex. "FADE IN:
COLUMBIA PICTURES LOGO
The Lady With The Torch -- proud, heroic.
We HEAR the sound of an air raid siren...and then the voice of EDDIE DEEZEN, yelling!
DEEZEN (V.O.): It's an air raid! Lights out! Lights out!
Of course, the Lady With The Torch is immobile.
DEEZEN (V.O.): Hey, you crazy broad, put that light out!!!
The Lady immediately reacts -- she blows out her torch and the screen goes pitch black!
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Ebert is right. I cared more about the characters in Airplane! surviving than I did here, and it made all the difference.
1941 (1979)(Revised 9th draft, 8/28/78)
by Robert Zemeckis & Bob Gale
Based on the story "The Night the Japs Attacked," by Robert Zemeckis & Bob Gale and John Milius
* This script and film are the combined talents of Spielberg + Zemekis + Gale + Milius + Belushi + Aykroyd.
Also, the marketing tag line was: "Soon the screen will be bombarded by the most explosive barrage of #$%(& ever filmed"?
Monday, November 4, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Brooklyn Rules (2007) - Characters' Attitudes as a Foreshadowing Tool
[Quick Summary: Three childhood friends have their loyalties tested in 1970s-1980s Brooklyn where they rub elbows with mobsters.]
This is a great film about the unwritten rules of guy friendship.
These three guys are almost always together, yet I could easily distinguish one from another because of distinct attitudes in dialogue and behavior.
How did the writer do this?
I think it is because he establishes the characters' attitudes early as kids to foreshadow how they will react as adults.
For example, the scene below comes early in the script.
Notice the three distinct ways that the three boys (Michael, Carmine and Bobby) react to the same situation:
ex. "EXT. WEEDS - BELT PARKWAY - (LATER THAT) DAY
...
BOBBY (O.S.): Holy shit! Guys, come here!
Michael and Carmine head off running toward Bobby's voice. In a small clearing off the parkway, a small clearing off the parkway, a '74 ELDORADO is parked, engine idling. Behind the wheel, a silk-suited THUG is slumped DEAD. BLOOD TRICKLES from two exit wounds in his forehead.
CARMINE: Oh fuck!
BOBBY: Is he dead?
MICHAEL: No genius, he's pretending. Look, he even put his brains all over the windshield.
As the kids peer into the open window, Carmine spots a pack of MARLBOROS and a GOLD LIGHTER. He reaches in to take them.
BOBBY: What are you doing?!
Carmine lights a CIGARETTE, then admires his new LIGHTER.
CARMINE: He ain't gonna smoke 'em.
BOBBY (a beat; then): Maybe we should tell somebody.
MICHAEL: What are you, retarded?
CARMINE (looking in car): Think there's any money?
Michael leans in and pops the glove compartment. There, in plain view, is a nickel-plated .38 REVOLVER. He leans in and takes it.
MICHAEL: Whoa. Checkit out.
CARMINE: Holy shit, lemme see.
MICHAEL: No way, man. It's mine.
Michael slips the GUN in his jacket pocket, just as something in the car catches Bobby's eye. He opens the passenger door.
CARMINE: The fuck you doin'?
Through the window, we see what Bobby is going for - an ANIMAL TRANSPORT CASE in the back seat. He unlocks the wire mesh front, then reaches in and removes a month-old, brown and white
BEAGLE PUPPY
who is very much alive. Bobby cradles the dog in his arms.
BOBBY: Hey puppy, you okay?
CARMINE: He's cute. Sharp teeth.
MICHAEL: What should we do with him?
BOBBY: Nothing. I'm keeping him.
We hear POLICE SIREN in the distance. A beat, then the BOYS exchange looks and take off running..."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The scene above looks like it is about boys finding a dead body...but it's really about what is most valued by each kid (character).
Brooklyn Rules (2007)(4/8/04 draft)
by Terence Winter
This is a great film about the unwritten rules of guy friendship.
These three guys are almost always together, yet I could easily distinguish one from another because of distinct attitudes in dialogue and behavior.
How did the writer do this?
I think it is because he establishes the characters' attitudes early as kids to foreshadow how they will react as adults.
For example, the scene below comes early in the script.
Notice the three distinct ways that the three boys (Michael, Carmine and Bobby) react to the same situation:
ex. "EXT. WEEDS - BELT PARKWAY - (LATER THAT) DAY
...
BOBBY (O.S.): Holy shit! Guys, come here!
Michael and Carmine head off running toward Bobby's voice. In a small clearing off the parkway, a small clearing off the parkway, a '74 ELDORADO is parked, engine idling. Behind the wheel, a silk-suited THUG is slumped DEAD. BLOOD TRICKLES from two exit wounds in his forehead.
CARMINE: Oh fuck!
BOBBY: Is he dead?
MICHAEL: No genius, he's pretending. Look, he even put his brains all over the windshield.
As the kids peer into the open window, Carmine spots a pack of MARLBOROS and a GOLD LIGHTER. He reaches in to take them.
BOBBY: What are you doing?!
Carmine lights a CIGARETTE, then admires his new LIGHTER.
CARMINE: He ain't gonna smoke 'em.
BOBBY (a beat; then): Maybe we should tell somebody.
MICHAEL: What are you, retarded?
CARMINE (looking in car): Think there's any money?
Michael leans in and pops the glove compartment. There, in plain view, is a nickel-plated .38 REVOLVER. He leans in and takes it.
MICHAEL: Whoa. Checkit out.
CARMINE: Holy shit, lemme see.
MICHAEL: No way, man. It's mine.
Michael slips the GUN in his jacket pocket, just as something in the car catches Bobby's eye. He opens the passenger door.
CARMINE: The fuck you doin'?
Through the window, we see what Bobby is going for - an ANIMAL TRANSPORT CASE in the back seat. He unlocks the wire mesh front, then reaches in and removes a month-old, brown and white
BEAGLE PUPPY
who is very much alive. Bobby cradles the dog in his arms.
BOBBY: Hey puppy, you okay?
CARMINE: He's cute. Sharp teeth.
MICHAEL: What should we do with him?
BOBBY: Nothing. I'm keeping him.
We hear POLICE SIREN in the distance. A beat, then the BOYS exchange looks and take off running..."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The scene above looks like it is about boys finding a dead body...but it's really about what is most valued by each kid (character).
Brooklyn Rules (2007)(4/8/04 draft)
by Terence Winter
Monday, October 28, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: The 25th Hour (2002) - Writing a Good Character
[Quick Summary: On the last day before a 7 year federal incarceration, drug dealer Monty Brogan takes two childhood friends to one last goodbye party.]
How to write a good character? I get less and less articulate as I learn more.
I have noticed is that a good character is one that the audience can easily identify with or recognize on some level, i.e., "Oh, I know who that person is."
In the scene below, it is the day before Monty is about to go to federal prison. He wants to know if the most important person in his life has ratted him out.
The audience recognizes why Monty's priorities are so clear, even if we have not been in his shoes.
ex. "INT. BROGAN'S BAR
Monty returns to the table, sits, drinks some Guinness..
MONTY: Let me ask you a question.
MR. BROGAN: Okay.
MONTY: What do you think of Naturelle?
MR. BROGAN: She's a good girl. Your mother would have liked her.
MONTY: Do you trust her?
MR. BROGAN: Do I trust her? Why do I have to trust her?
MONTY: Do you think I can trust her?
MR. BROGAN: Where you going with this?
MONTY: I've been hearing weird things. (beat) Some people are saying she dimed me out.
MR. BROGAN (incredulous): Why would she do that?
MONTY: I don't know. Maybe the Feds got to her somehow. Blackmailed her.
MR. BROGAN:The girl loves you, Monty. I can't believe she would betray you.
MONTY: Everything's gotten so strange, Dad. I wake up some mornings and it takes me a minute to remember who I am, you know? Where I'm going.
Mr. Brogan looks down at his plate and nods.
MONTY (CONT'D): Most of the people I'm with, I look at them and I think, these are my friends? (beat) The only ones I trust these days are you and the guys I grew up with -- Frank, Jake.
MR. BROGAN: I miss those boys.
MONTY: And Naturelle...Jesus. I can't get it out of my head.
MR. BROGAN: It doesn't really matter now, does it?
Monty stares at his father, blue eyes unblinking.
MONTY: It matters to me."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: For me, "getting character on the page" has started to become more "getting a feeling of recognition on the page."
The 25th Hour (2002)(4/30/01 draft)
by David Benioff
Based on his novel
The wonder of the rich screenplay is that it contains all of this material about Monty, and yet informs us so fully about the others. There could be a separate movie about Jacob, a pudgy and phlegmatic high school English teacher who is fascinated by a tattoo on the bare midriff of one of his students, and by the girl Mary (Anna Paquin) who wears it. But any move in that direction would be wrong, and he knows it. - Rogert EbertThis quote reminds me that a good script = good characters.
How to write a good character? I get less and less articulate as I learn more.
I have noticed is that a good character is one that the audience can easily identify with or recognize on some level, i.e., "Oh, I know who that person is."
In the scene below, it is the day before Monty is about to go to federal prison. He wants to know if the most important person in his life has ratted him out.
The audience recognizes why Monty's priorities are so clear, even if we have not been in his shoes.
ex. "INT. BROGAN'S BAR
Monty returns to the table, sits, drinks some Guinness..
MONTY: Let me ask you a question.
MR. BROGAN: Okay.
MONTY: What do you think of Naturelle?
MR. BROGAN: She's a good girl. Your mother would have liked her.
MONTY: Do you trust her?
MR. BROGAN: Do I trust her? Why do I have to trust her?
MONTY: Do you think I can trust her?
MR. BROGAN: Where you going with this?
MONTY: I've been hearing weird things. (beat) Some people are saying she dimed me out.
MR. BROGAN (incredulous): Why would she do that?
MONTY: I don't know. Maybe the Feds got to her somehow. Blackmailed her.
MR. BROGAN:The girl loves you, Monty. I can't believe she would betray you.
MONTY: Everything's gotten so strange, Dad. I wake up some mornings and it takes me a minute to remember who I am, you know? Where I'm going.
Mr. Brogan looks down at his plate and nods.
MONTY (CONT'D): Most of the people I'm with, I look at them and I think, these are my friends? (beat) The only ones I trust these days are you and the guys I grew up with -- Frank, Jake.
MR. BROGAN: I miss those boys.
MONTY: And Naturelle...Jesus. I can't get it out of my head.
MR. BROGAN: It doesn't really matter now, does it?
Monty stares at his father, blue eyes unblinking.
MONTY: It matters to me."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: For me, "getting character on the page" has started to become more "getting a feeling of recognition on the page."
The 25th Hour (2002)(4/30/01 draft)
by David Benioff
Based on his novel
Monday, October 21, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Little Monsters (1989) - A Distinctive Voice
[Quick Summary: After ten y.o. Brian saves the Monster Under the Bed, it allows Brian to follow him around as it causes havoc on other kids.]
TWO THOUGHTS:
1) STILL POPULAR. I was surprised at the staying power of this film. Of the 10 copies available through the library, only ONE was available.
2) VOICE. Before they wrote Aladdin (and then Shrek, and Pirates of the Carribean), Rossio and Elliot wrote Little Monsters.
I'm sure the script sold because it's a fun kids' adventure.
However, it also is an example of why they get hired again and again: for their distinctive voice (fun, scary, adventure, action).
To me, voice is the WAY the writer writes.
When I say, "I like his/her voice," I mean that I like the way that writer tells the story. Clear as mud, right?
Let's look at an example below. Notice how the way they build to the scream:
ex. "INT. STEVENSON HOME - ATTIC ROOM - NIGHT
...
In the kitchen, Brian whips up a baloney-mustard-onion sandwich. He glances at the clock, working under a deadline. [fun sneaking around!]
In the family room Brian -- silently -- pushes an armchair up very close to the television screen. He is careful to turn the volume knob all the way down, then pull on the power switch -- cautiously, lest the 'click' of the switch alert someone. The screen comes to life slowly. Brian turns up the sound so it is barely audible -- just in time for the opening of 'Late Night With David Letterman.' [more shenanigans]
He settles back. Unseen by Brian a quick, subtle movement -- just a shadow, really -- heads for the stairs. [scary, action]
Brian takes a bite of the sandwich -- [payoff for building sandwich]
-- and then there is a SCREAM that could wake the dead." [scary, adventure begins]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Another way to look at voice: It's the way you write from point A to point B.
No, you're probably not conscious of it. You are likely conscious of getting from A to B. Work on that.
Little Monsters (1989)(1st draft, 12/9/86)
by Terry Rossio and Ted Elliott
TWO THOUGHTS:
1) STILL POPULAR. I was surprised at the staying power of this film. Of the 10 copies available through the library, only ONE was available.
2) VOICE. Before they wrote Aladdin (and then Shrek, and Pirates of the Carribean), Rossio and Elliot wrote Little Monsters.
I'm sure the script sold because it's a fun kids' adventure.
However, it also is an example of why they get hired again and again: for their distinctive voice (fun, scary, adventure, action).
To me, voice is the WAY the writer writes.
When I say, "I like his/her voice," I mean that I like the way that writer tells the story. Clear as mud, right?
Let's look at an example below. Notice how the way they build to the scream:
ex. "INT. STEVENSON HOME - ATTIC ROOM - NIGHT
...
In the kitchen, Brian whips up a baloney-mustard-onion sandwich. He glances at the clock, working under a deadline. [fun sneaking around!]
In the family room Brian -- silently -- pushes an armchair up very close to the television screen. He is careful to turn the volume knob all the way down, then pull on the power switch -- cautiously, lest the 'click' of the switch alert someone. The screen comes to life slowly. Brian turns up the sound so it is barely audible -- just in time for the opening of 'Late Night With David Letterman.' [more shenanigans]
He settles back. Unseen by Brian a quick, subtle movement -- just a shadow, really -- heads for the stairs. [scary, action]
Brian takes a bite of the sandwich -- [payoff for building sandwich]
-- and then there is a SCREAM that could wake the dead." [scary, adventure begins]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Another way to look at voice: It's the way you write from point A to point B.
No, you're probably not conscious of it. You are likely conscious of getting from A to B. Work on that.
Little Monsters (1989)(1st draft, 12/9/86)
by Terry Rossio and Ted Elliott
Monday, October 14, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Dolores Claiborne (1995) - Switching Time Without Sluglines
[Quick Summary: A reporter has not been home to Maine in 15 yrs. but returns to deal with her mother Dolores who is accused of murdering her rich, ill employer.]
Tony Gilroy is famous for writing without sluglines.
How does he keep time straight for the reader? When there are flashbacks too?
I think it starts with keeping the character's current emotional state very clear.
For example, in the scene below, note:
- The structure is to start in the present --> flash back to the past --> return to present.
- The emotional state is confusion in the present --> confusion also in the past --> neither the characters or the audience has all the facts --> we get the confusion.
- Dolores is the mother. Selena is her 30 y.o. daughter who is a reporter now.
ex. "DOLORES at the bottom of the stairs. Crushed. Moving heavily back through the living room and --
INTO
THE KITCHEN. DOLORES just about to start putting things away, when she hears SELENA coming back down the stairs. [PRESENT TIME]
DOLORES (turning back): Selena?
SELENA (12) standing at the bottom of the stairs. Dressed to go out. A backpack. [PAST STARTS HERE]
SELENA: Don't try and stop me.
WE ARE IN FLASHBACK
We're still in the living room, but it's a bright, Spring afternoon in 1975.
DOLORES (36) Standing near the kitchen. Bare feet.
SELENA (backing for the door): Mrs. Devereaux called, she need extra help with the hotel because of the people coming for the eclipse. I'm going to stay over a few days.
DOLORES: Selena, we talked about this --
SELENA: I don't care what we talked about! (rushing out the door --) I don't want to be here when you talk to dad about your crazy ideas!
DOLORES rushing to follow. Not as fast in bare feet. Through the front door and --
OUT INTO
The yard. DOLORES running off the porch -- heading across the field -- trying to cut SELENA off --
DOLORES (yelling as she goes --: Selena! Selenaaaa...!
SELENA already way ahead -- almost beyond earshot -- SILHOUETTED AGAINST THE SKY as she runs along the road to town and --
DOLORES running -- trying to chase -- tough without shoes --
DOLORES: Selena!!! (stopping as --)
Suddenly -- DOLORES stumbles -- A CRACKING SOUND -- something giving way -- boards breaking -- DOLORES falling -- catching herself -- GASPING -- grabbing at the ground as her legs disappear beneath her -- and then scrambling back up -- standing slowly and staring down at --
A DRY WELL - covered with rotting boards -- grown over with weeds and scrub -- a black hole there in the middle of nothing and --
MATCH CUT -- OUT OF FLASHBACK TO [BACK TO PRESENT]
THE ROUND KITCHEN TABLE. Cluttered with Selena's laptop, tape recorder, notebooks, etc...
DOLORES picks up her glass. Finishes the last of the Scotch."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This is an excellent example of a flashback that gives us information, but is not an info dump. It's more about the emotional state of affairs.
Dolores Claiborne (1995)(3rd draft, 1/31/94)
by Tony Gilroy
Based on the novel by Stephen King
Tony Gilroy is famous for writing without sluglines.
How does he keep time straight for the reader? When there are flashbacks too?
I think it starts with keeping the character's current emotional state very clear.
For example, in the scene below, note:
- The structure is to start in the present --> flash back to the past --> return to present.
- The emotional state is confusion in the present --> confusion also in the past --> neither the characters or the audience has all the facts --> we get the confusion.
- Dolores is the mother. Selena is her 30 y.o. daughter who is a reporter now.
ex. "DOLORES at the bottom of the stairs. Crushed. Moving heavily back through the living room and --
INTO
THE KITCHEN. DOLORES just about to start putting things away, when she hears SELENA coming back down the stairs. [PRESENT TIME]
DOLORES (turning back): Selena?
SELENA (12) standing at the bottom of the stairs. Dressed to go out. A backpack. [PAST STARTS HERE]
SELENA: Don't try and stop me.
WE ARE IN FLASHBACK
We're still in the living room, but it's a bright, Spring afternoon in 1975.
DOLORES (36) Standing near the kitchen. Bare feet.
SELENA (backing for the door): Mrs. Devereaux called, she need extra help with the hotel because of the people coming for the eclipse. I'm going to stay over a few days.
DOLORES: Selena, we talked about this --
SELENA: I don't care what we talked about! (rushing out the door --) I don't want to be here when you talk to dad about your crazy ideas!
DOLORES rushing to follow. Not as fast in bare feet. Through the front door and --
OUT INTO
The yard. DOLORES running off the porch -- heading across the field -- trying to cut SELENA off --
DOLORES (yelling as she goes --: Selena! Selenaaaa...!
SELENA already way ahead -- almost beyond earshot -- SILHOUETTED AGAINST THE SKY as she runs along the road to town and --
DOLORES running -- trying to chase -- tough without shoes --
DOLORES: Selena!!! (stopping as --)
Suddenly -- DOLORES stumbles -- A CRACKING SOUND -- something giving way -- boards breaking -- DOLORES falling -- catching herself -- GASPING -- grabbing at the ground as her legs disappear beneath her -- and then scrambling back up -- standing slowly and staring down at --
A DRY WELL - covered with rotting boards -- grown over with weeds and scrub -- a black hole there in the middle of nothing and --
MATCH CUT -- OUT OF FLASHBACK TO [BACK TO PRESENT]
THE ROUND KITCHEN TABLE. Cluttered with Selena's laptop, tape recorder, notebooks, etc...
DOLORES picks up her glass. Finishes the last of the Scotch."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This is an excellent example of a flashback that gives us information, but is not an info dump. It's more about the emotional state of affairs.
Dolores Claiborne (1995)(3rd draft, 1/31/94)
by Tony Gilroy
Based on the novel by Stephen King
Monday, October 7, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: The Lookout (2007) - How to Show Man at War with Himself
[Quick Summary: Now hampered by a head injury, Chris is a frustrated bank janitor who impulsively decides to assist thugs with a bank heist, then regrets it.]
Chris is angry because he is hampered by a head injury:
- He must write everything down because of his frequent memory lapses..
- He has difficulty in social situations because of frontal lobe problems.
What does Chris want? His old life back.
What is the obstacle? His trauma. This protagonist is his own greatest antagonist.*
So how do you externalize that a man at war with himself?
I saw one method in this script:
- First, present the protagonist with a routine situation.
- Have the protagonist react in an odd way so we see his internal problem.
- Have other characters react and/or say what the protagonist is probably thinking.
The scene below shows how Chris' trauma gets in the way of what Chris wants most (externalizing the antagonist).
ex. "INT. BAR - NIGHT
...Chris then turns away, sees the BARTENDER watching him. [Normal situation: Chris needs to pay the bar tab.]
BARTENDER (loud, slow): Two-fifty. For. The. Beer. [This is an insult, disrespectful to Chris.]
"Gary" turns back now and watches as Chris fumbles about for the right amount of cash, pays his tab.
BARTENDER (cont'd): Thank. You. Very. Much.
Gary keeps looking at Chris now. Finally: [Chris's reaction is not to speak up when others would. We see he is used to this treatment and shame.]
GARY: You hard of hearing or something?
CHRIS: No.
Gary nods, turns as the bartender sets Gary's change on the bar, starts to move away when Gary grabs his arm.
GARY: Excuse me...(reads his name tag)...T.J.
The bartender looks down at Gary's hand on his arm.
GARY (cont'd): He's not deaf.
BARTENDER: What?
GARY: He just told me, he's not deaf. [Gary is saying what Chris is embarrassed to say.]
The bartender glances at Chris, pulls his arm free.
BARTENDER: I know he's not.
GARY: There some reason, then, why you keep raising your voice every time you talk to him?
The bartender glances at Chris, then...
BARTENDER: So he can understand.
GARY: Why wouldn't he? [Again, he speaks what Chris thinks.]
The bartender is uncomfortable. Gary looks at Chris.
GARY (cont'd): Can you understand him?
CHRIS: It's no problem...
GARY: Can you understand him?
CHRIS: Yes.
Gary looks at the bartender, and smiles, but it isn't mirth or good cheer that the bartender reads on Gary's face.
GARY: So now you know.
BARTENDER: Now I know.
The guy can't get out of there fast enough. Gary shakes his head."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I'm glad to have found this example, as they do not show up much.
The Lookout (2007)(3/26/04 draft w/revisions)
by Scott Frank
*This takes up the first 2/3 of the script. The last 1/3 is the heist and the usual bad guys take over as antagonists.
Chris is angry because he is hampered by a head injury:
- He must write everything down because of his frequent memory lapses..
- He has difficulty in social situations because of frontal lobe problems.
What does Chris want? His old life back.
What is the obstacle? His trauma. This protagonist is his own greatest antagonist.*
So how do you externalize that a man at war with himself?
I saw one method in this script:
- First, present the protagonist with a routine situation.
- Have the protagonist react in an odd way so we see his internal problem.
- Have other characters react and/or say what the protagonist is probably thinking.
The scene below shows how Chris' trauma gets in the way of what Chris wants most (externalizing the antagonist).
ex. "INT. BAR - NIGHT
...Chris then turns away, sees the BARTENDER watching him. [Normal situation: Chris needs to pay the bar tab.]
BARTENDER (loud, slow): Two-fifty. For. The. Beer. [This is an insult, disrespectful to Chris.]
"Gary" turns back now and watches as Chris fumbles about for the right amount of cash, pays his tab.
BARTENDER (cont'd): Thank. You. Very. Much.
Gary keeps looking at Chris now. Finally: [Chris's reaction is not to speak up when others would. We see he is used to this treatment and shame.]
GARY: You hard of hearing or something?
CHRIS: No.
Gary nods, turns as the bartender sets Gary's change on the bar, starts to move away when Gary grabs his arm.
GARY: Excuse me...(reads his name tag)...T.J.
The bartender looks down at Gary's hand on his arm.
GARY (cont'd): He's not deaf.
BARTENDER: What?
GARY: He just told me, he's not deaf. [Gary is saying what Chris is embarrassed to say.]
The bartender glances at Chris, pulls his arm free.
BARTENDER: I know he's not.
GARY: There some reason, then, why you keep raising your voice every time you talk to him?
The bartender glances at Chris, then...
BARTENDER: So he can understand.
GARY: Why wouldn't he? [Again, he speaks what Chris thinks.]
The bartender is uncomfortable. Gary looks at Chris.
GARY (cont'd): Can you understand him?
CHRIS: It's no problem...
GARY: Can you understand him?
CHRIS: Yes.
Gary looks at the bartender, and smiles, but it isn't mirth or good cheer that the bartender reads on Gary's face.
GARY: So now you know.
BARTENDER: Now I know.
The guy can't get out of there fast enough. Gary shakes his head."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I'm glad to have found this example, as they do not show up much.
The Lookout (2007)(3/26/04 draft w/revisions)
by Scott Frank
*This takes up the first 2/3 of the script. The last 1/3 is the heist and the usual bad guys take over as antagonists.
Monday, September 30, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Coming to America (1988) - Misunderstandings Keep Lovers Apart
[Quick Summary: Akeem, a Zamunda African prince, comes to America with his bodyguard Semmi to look for an independent thinking bride.]
I liked that the writers did not make it easy for Akeem to win the girl.
Here, they used misunderstandings (cultural, male vs. female) to keep them apart.
(Misunderstandings also are key to a fish-out-of-water story.)
In the scene below:
- Akeem has just overheard teenage girls swooning over a Prince magazine cover.
- He assumes that all women find Prince attractive.
- He assumes Lisa would like a big public display, though he doesn't know her well.
ex. "INT. BLACK AWARENESS DINNER - NIGHT
...Akeem slides into the room on his knees in full Prince attire: open ruffled shirt, fishnet stockings, stacked heels, make-up, curl of hair dangling in his eyes.
ON CROWD
Everyone in the room gazes at him in open-mouthed amazement.
ON AKEEM
Akeem gets up and shimmies across the floor, licking his fingers, rubbing his hands all over his body.
ON LISA
Lisa looks at him like he's crazy.
ON AKEEM
Akeem drops to the floor and slithers toward her on his belly, moving in time with the sensual music, humping the floor like a reptile in heat.
ANGLES ON LISA AND AKEEM
He wriggles up to her, lying at her feet, flicking his tongue.
Lisa stares at him, astounded, repulsed.
Akeem speaks in a low, breathy Prince-like moan.
AKEEM: Let us become one, Lisa.
LISA (calmly): I don't think so.
He tries to lick her knee
LISA (evenly): Don't. Don't even think about it.
He wriggles half-heartedly.
LISA (coolly): Go away.
All the bravado drains from Akeem's face. He slithers back out of the room as inconspicuously as possible."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This misunderstanding works because it came from character.
Akeem has had little contact with the middle class, and his assumptions show it.
Coming to America (1988)(shooting script w/revisions, 10/21/87)
by David Sheffield & Barry W. Blaustein
Story by Eddie Murphy
I liked that the writers did not make it easy for Akeem to win the girl.
Here, they used misunderstandings (cultural, male vs. female) to keep them apart.
(Misunderstandings also are key to a fish-out-of-water story.)
In the scene below:
- Akeem has just overheard teenage girls swooning over a Prince magazine cover.
- He assumes that all women find Prince attractive.
- He assumes Lisa would like a big public display, though he doesn't know her well.
ex. "INT. BLACK AWARENESS DINNER - NIGHT
...Akeem slides into the room on his knees in full Prince attire: open ruffled shirt, fishnet stockings, stacked heels, make-up, curl of hair dangling in his eyes.
ON CROWD
Everyone in the room gazes at him in open-mouthed amazement.
ON AKEEM
Akeem gets up and shimmies across the floor, licking his fingers, rubbing his hands all over his body.
ON LISA
Lisa looks at him like he's crazy.
ON AKEEM
Akeem drops to the floor and slithers toward her on his belly, moving in time with the sensual music, humping the floor like a reptile in heat.
ANGLES ON LISA AND AKEEM
He wriggles up to her, lying at her feet, flicking his tongue.
Lisa stares at him, astounded, repulsed.
Akeem speaks in a low, breathy Prince-like moan.
AKEEM: Let us become one, Lisa.
LISA (calmly): I don't think so.
He tries to lick her knee
LISA (evenly): Don't. Don't even think about it.
He wriggles half-heartedly.
LISA (coolly): Go away.
All the bravado drains from Akeem's face. He slithers back out of the room as inconspicuously as possible."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This misunderstanding works because it came from character.
Akeem has had little contact with the middle class, and his assumptions show it.
Coming to America (1988)(shooting script w/revisions, 10/21/87)
by David Sheffield & Barry W. Blaustein
Story by Eddie Murphy
Monday, September 23, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Beverly Hills Cop II (1987) - What I Look For in a Sequel
[Quick Summary: After his friend Capt. Bogomil, is shot while following up on a hot tip, Axel Foley hightails it to LA to track down the culprits.]
When a sequel comes along, I want to know:
1) Did they understand what made the first movie work?
2) Did they deliver that again here?
In this sequel:
1) Foley was funny in first film, especially with LA cops Rosewood and Taggart. They overcame big obstacles together as a team.
2) Not really. Foley is not that funny and does not seem to have difficulty overcoming obstacles. The script seems more interested in explosions, car chases.
The one thing that worked was the team dynamic of how Foley is always dragging Rosewood and Taggart into his schemes.
I liked the scene below because it is funny and reminiscent of the first film.
We know very well that Foley is up to something crazy but Rosewood and Taggart are willing, if reluctant, accomplices.
ex. "EXT. ROSENBERG MANSION - DAY
Taggart and Rosewood stand staring up at the gates.
TAGGART: This has GOT to be a mistake.
ROSEWOOD: There's his car.
Way up the driveway. There it is.
TAGGART (very nervous): Billie, if he's here, he must be robbing the place.
He pulls his gun. They walk cautiously up the long driveway. CAMERA HINGES to see:
WILLIE AND MAY'S CAR parked down the street a couple blocks."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The writers tried, really tried, but sometimes you can't recapture funny in a bottle.
Beverly Hills Cop II (1987)(shooting script, 10/24/86 w/revisions)
by Larry Ferguson and Warren Skaaren
When a sequel comes along, I want to know:
1) Did they understand what made the first movie work?
2) Did they deliver that again here?
In this sequel:
1) Foley was funny in first film, especially with LA cops Rosewood and Taggart. They overcame big obstacles together as a team.
2) Not really. Foley is not that funny and does not seem to have difficulty overcoming obstacles. The script seems more interested in explosions, car chases.
The one thing that worked was the team dynamic of how Foley is always dragging Rosewood and Taggart into his schemes.
I liked the scene below because it is funny and reminiscent of the first film.
We know very well that Foley is up to something crazy but Rosewood and Taggart are willing, if reluctant, accomplices.
ex. "EXT. ROSENBERG MANSION - DAY
Taggart and Rosewood stand staring up at the gates.
TAGGART: This has GOT to be a mistake.
ROSEWOOD: There's his car.
Way up the driveway. There it is.
TAGGART (very nervous): Billie, if he's here, he must be robbing the place.
He pulls his gun. They walk cautiously up the long driveway. CAMERA HINGES to see:
WILLIE AND MAY'S CAR parked down the street a couple blocks."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The writers tried, really tried, but sometimes you can't recapture funny in a bottle.
Beverly Hills Cop II (1987)(shooting script, 10/24/86 w/revisions)
by Larry Ferguson and Warren Skaaren
Monday, September 16, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Beverly Hills Cop (1984) - Excellent Clarity + Character in an Action Sequence
[Quick Summary: When his childhood friend is gunned down in Detroit, cop Axel Foley travels to Beverly Hills to locate the goons who killed his friend.]
This script reads lickety split. It is such a pleasure.
It especially shines in its clarity of story spine while allowing great character work.
For example, in the semi-truck chase below:
- Axel is a fast thinking, fast talking cop, in the first few lines. [character]
- When things go south with the two cons, Axel does not give up and hangs on to them, which he literally does in this scene. [character]
- There is even great character work without dialogue. ex. Axel chooses not to listen the cop (get offa there!) in order to nail these cons. [character]
- Notice how clear the story spine is despite the multiple characters, action, guns, etc. We're focused on Axel -- hang on Axel!
ex. "IN THE CAB
Mirsky has the engine running. He stares out the side view mirror at the cops walking toward the truck. He licks his lips and puts the truck into gear, ready to take off.
AXEL
tries to play it cool.
AXEL: Are we glad to see you! You want to call us a tow? We threw a bearing.
The second cop has been staring at Axel.
SECOND COP: Don't I know you from someplace?
FIRST COP: Both you guys, break out some I.D.
CARLOTTA
panics and runs toward a pickup truck parked across the street. The cops draw their guns.
FIRST COP: Freeze!
But Carlotta keeps running. The first cop chases after him.
ANGLE ON THE TRUCK'S CAB
Mirsky lets out the clutch and the rig jerks forward.
AXEL
is still standing on the bed of the rear trailer of the moving truck. The second cop yells at him --
SECOND COP: Get down offa there!
--but Axel stays right where he is, hanging on as the truck gains speed. The second cop fires a warning shot; Axel braces himself at the side of the trailer to offer a narrow target but now the truck is going about 40 as it takes the next corner and
THE REAR TRAILER
bounces up over the curb as the truck cuts the corner too close. It looks like the truck is going to jackknife, but instead it comes out of the turn gathering more speed.
AXEL
is nearly thrown off the rear of the truck, but he hangs on."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Don't forget clarity when trying to jazz up the character.
I've seen scripts that get so lost in trying to be funny that it lacks clarity.
Beverly Hills Cop (1984)(shooting script, 5/14/84)
by Daniel Petrie, Jr. (with Martin Brest pages)
This script reads lickety split. It is such a pleasure.
It especially shines in its clarity of story spine while allowing great character work.
For example, in the semi-truck chase below:
- Axel is a fast thinking, fast talking cop, in the first few lines. [character]
- When things go south with the two cons, Axel does not give up and hangs on to them, which he literally does in this scene. [character]
- There is even great character work without dialogue. ex. Axel chooses not to listen the cop (get offa there!) in order to nail these cons. [character]
- Notice how clear the story spine is despite the multiple characters, action, guns, etc. We're focused on Axel -- hang on Axel!
ex. "IN THE CAB
Mirsky has the engine running. He stares out the side view mirror at the cops walking toward the truck. He licks his lips and puts the truck into gear, ready to take off.
AXEL
tries to play it cool.
AXEL: Are we glad to see you! You want to call us a tow? We threw a bearing.
The second cop has been staring at Axel.
SECOND COP: Don't I know you from someplace?
FIRST COP: Both you guys, break out some I.D.
CARLOTTA
panics and runs toward a pickup truck parked across the street. The cops draw their guns.
FIRST COP: Freeze!
But Carlotta keeps running. The first cop chases after him.
ANGLE ON THE TRUCK'S CAB
Mirsky lets out the clutch and the rig jerks forward.
AXEL
is still standing on the bed of the rear trailer of the moving truck. The second cop yells at him --
SECOND COP: Get down offa there!
--but Axel stays right where he is, hanging on as the truck gains speed. The second cop fires a warning shot; Axel braces himself at the side of the trailer to offer a narrow target but now the truck is going about 40 as it takes the next corner and
THE REAR TRAILER
bounces up over the curb as the truck cuts the corner too close. It looks like the truck is going to jackknife, but instead it comes out of the turn gathering more speed.
AXEL
is nearly thrown off the rear of the truck, but he hangs on."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Don't forget clarity when trying to jazz up the character.
I've seen scripts that get so lost in trying to be funny that it lacks clarity.
Beverly Hills Cop (1984)(shooting script, 5/14/84)
by Daniel Petrie, Jr. (with Martin Brest pages)
Monday, September 9, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Black Cat Run (1998 TV movie) - Setting Up a 2nd Chase
[Quick Summary: Pursued by a deputy with a score to settle, an amateur car racer chases after a gang of escaped cons who have kidnapped his girlfriend.]
I knew about writer-director Frank Darabont for his well known adaptations (Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, The Walking Dead).
However, this was the first original story and script of his that I'd ever seen before.
This is a chase story which takes up about 3/4 of the script.
How do you keep the audience emotionally engaged that long?
It's hard enough when there is one chase, but when there are TWO chases?
In one word: Stakes.
For example, in this script:
Setup for 1st CHASE:
- Johnny pumps gas at his dad's station. Sara believes in his big dreams.
- When Sara Jane is kidnapped by escaped cons, Johnny chases after them.
- I have no problem believing this chase because Johnny loves Sara
Setup for 2nd CHASE:
- The writers wanted someone to chase Johnny to increase the tension.
- But why would anyone chase Johnny?
- The writers needed a character who wasn't entirely objective and took things very personally, i.e., Norm, the deputy sheriff who wants to date Sara.
- What are the stakes for Norm? Ego (so strong that it lasts 3/4 the script!)
- Note in the scene below how the writer sets it up so we believe that Norm is the pig headed type who could easily be stirred up into chasing after Johnny.
ex. "EXT. HADDONTON - DAY
...NORM: Howdy, Sara Jane. You're lookin' mighty pretty today.
SARA: Norm. What are you doing here?
NORM: Oh, just about to go on duty. Thought I'd stop by and have me a few words with the Sheriff.
SARA: Oh? About what?
NORM: Oh...things. This and that. By the way, what'd you think of that race today? Wasn't that somethin'?
SARA (wary): What race is that, Norm?
NORM: That race I won. The race Johnny Del Grissom took you to.
She stares at him with distaste, making a huge effort to keep her voice level.
SARA: I think you must be mistaken.
NORM: C'mon darlin' you didn't think that crouchin' down in that towtruck like that was gonna fool me, even for an instant, did you?
He moves in close, pressing her against the wall of the house, putting his face close to hers.
NORM: Just what were you doin' to that boy all crouched down like that?
She tries to slap him, but he catches her by the wrist. He kisses her fingers lightly, then presses her hand back against the wall and holds it there. Their eyes locked all the while.
NORM: Sara Jane...darlin'...the day's gonna come...soon...when you're gonna wish you'd been a lot nicer to ol' Norm Babbitt.
She spits in his face.
SARA: This ain't the day.
NORM: I can see that.
He releases her and very calmly wipes his face with his sleeve.
NORM: But the day will come.
He turns and heads for his patrol car, tipping his hat jauntily.
NORM: Awful nice to see you again, Sara Jane. Have a nice day now, y'hear?
Disgusted, she turns and enters the house."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Despite that it is mostly chase scenes, I think the script read so quickly because the stakes were so well defined from the start.
Black Cat Run (1998 TV movie)(undated draft)
by Frank Darabont
Story by Frank Darabont & Douglas Venturelli
I knew about writer-director Frank Darabont for his well known adaptations (Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, The Walking Dead).
However, this was the first original story and script of his that I'd ever seen before.
This is a chase story which takes up about 3/4 of the script.
How do you keep the audience emotionally engaged that long?
It's hard enough when there is one chase, but when there are TWO chases?
In one word: Stakes.
For example, in this script:
Setup for 1st CHASE:
- Johnny pumps gas at his dad's station. Sara believes in his big dreams.
- When Sara Jane is kidnapped by escaped cons, Johnny chases after them.
- I have no problem believing this chase because Johnny loves Sara
Setup for 2nd CHASE:
- The writers wanted someone to chase Johnny to increase the tension.
- But why would anyone chase Johnny?
- The writers needed a character who wasn't entirely objective and took things very personally, i.e., Norm, the deputy sheriff who wants to date Sara.
- What are the stakes for Norm? Ego (so strong that it lasts 3/4 the script!)
- Note in the scene below how the writer sets it up so we believe that Norm is the pig headed type who could easily be stirred up into chasing after Johnny.
ex. "EXT. HADDONTON - DAY
...NORM: Howdy, Sara Jane. You're lookin' mighty pretty today.
SARA: Norm. What are you doing here?
NORM: Oh, just about to go on duty. Thought I'd stop by and have me a few words with the Sheriff.
SARA: Oh? About what?
NORM: Oh...things. This and that. By the way, what'd you think of that race today? Wasn't that somethin'?
SARA (wary): What race is that, Norm?
NORM: That race I won. The race Johnny Del Grissom took you to.
She stares at him with distaste, making a huge effort to keep her voice level.
SARA: I think you must be mistaken.
NORM: C'mon darlin' you didn't think that crouchin' down in that towtruck like that was gonna fool me, even for an instant, did you?
He moves in close, pressing her against the wall of the house, putting his face close to hers.
NORM: Just what were you doin' to that boy all crouched down like that?
She tries to slap him, but he catches her by the wrist. He kisses her fingers lightly, then presses her hand back against the wall and holds it there. Their eyes locked all the while.
NORM: Sara Jane...darlin'...the day's gonna come...soon...when you're gonna wish you'd been a lot nicer to ol' Norm Babbitt.
She spits in his face.
SARA: This ain't the day.
NORM: I can see that.
He releases her and very calmly wipes his face with his sleeve.
NORM: But the day will come.
He turns and heads for his patrol car, tipping his hat jauntily.
NORM: Awful nice to see you again, Sara Jane. Have a nice day now, y'hear?
Disgusted, she turns and enters the house."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Despite that it is mostly chase scenes, I think the script read so quickly because the stakes were so well defined from the start.
Black Cat Run (1998 TV movie)(undated draft)
by Frank Darabont
Story by Frank Darabont & Douglas Venturelli
Monday, September 2, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Greedy (1994) - Putting a "Button" on a Comedy Scene
[Quick Summary: When rich old Uncle Joe hires a "nurse," the estranged family lures back his favorite nephew, Daniel Jr., in hopes that he can get rid of the nurse.]
I'm sure someone else can define better the "button" of a comedy scene.
For me, it's the last joke of the scene that:
1) "bursts the tension bubble" of the build up and sums up the scene, and
2) sends us off with a laugh.
No one does it better than Ganz & Mandel.
Note in the example below:
- Rich old Uncle Joe is descending in an open elevator.
- Carl and his family, one of Uncle's bloodsucking family members, descends beside him on the staircase.
- Carl touts the success of his nine year old son, named after Uncle. [build up of hot air, tension]
- Then the nine year old has the button line. [bursts the balloon!]
ex. "INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY
...During the preceding, Douglas has pushed the chair into a small ELEVATOR CAGE. There's only room in it for Douglas and Joe in the chair. The elevator cage slowly descends, leaving the others on the landing. [This chase builds the tension.]
NINE-YEAR-OLD: Why don't we just cut the cable?
NORA: Ssh!
Carl and Nora look at each other, then at the elevator...
CARL (sotto): It's too thick.
The family descends a spiral staircase which surrounds the elevator. They hurry to keep up.
CARL (CONT'D): Did you hear what happened to General Fruit Company? the old man died and he left it to his son --who had no head for business -- and eight months later, they were bankrupt --the work of a lifetime, down the drain. You should see how Big Joe -- our Big Joe -- what a head for business he has. Already -- just nine years old -- he organized this snow-shoveling company with the other fourth graders. It was amazing. [Carl touts Big Joe's accomplishments to make an unspoken good impression on Uncle.]
They've all reached the bottom Joe comes off the elevator.
JOE (to the nine-year-old): So, you're interested in money.
NINE-YEAR-OLD: Uh-huh. I made ten bucks just comin' here. [Button: His admission points out how desperate his parents are to make a good impression!]
His parents GASP." [We laugh at the audacity. We know the scene has ended.]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The "button" does more than make us laugh as a punchline. It's also a valuable tool to skewer, prick the tension balloon, add irony, reverse expectations, etc.
Greedy (1994)(pre-production draft, 4/14/93)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
I'm sure someone else can define better the "button" of a comedy scene.
For me, it's the last joke of the scene that:
1) "bursts the tension bubble" of the build up and sums up the scene, and
2) sends us off with a laugh.
No one does it better than Ganz & Mandel.
Note in the example below:
- Rich old Uncle Joe is descending in an open elevator.
- Carl and his family, one of Uncle's bloodsucking family members, descends beside him on the staircase.
- Carl touts the success of his nine year old son, named after Uncle. [build up of hot air, tension]
- Then the nine year old has the button line. [bursts the balloon!]
ex. "INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY
...During the preceding, Douglas has pushed the chair into a small ELEVATOR CAGE. There's only room in it for Douglas and Joe in the chair. The elevator cage slowly descends, leaving the others on the landing. [This chase builds the tension.]
NINE-YEAR-OLD: Why don't we just cut the cable?
NORA: Ssh!
Carl and Nora look at each other, then at the elevator...
CARL (sotto): It's too thick.
The family descends a spiral staircase which surrounds the elevator. They hurry to keep up.
CARL (CONT'D): Did you hear what happened to General Fruit Company? the old man died and he left it to his son --who had no head for business -- and eight months later, they were bankrupt --the work of a lifetime, down the drain. You should see how Big Joe -- our Big Joe -- what a head for business he has. Already -- just nine years old -- he organized this snow-shoveling company with the other fourth graders. It was amazing. [Carl touts Big Joe's accomplishments to make an unspoken good impression on Uncle.]
They've all reached the bottom Joe comes off the elevator.
JOE (to the nine-year-old): So, you're interested in money.
NINE-YEAR-OLD: Uh-huh. I made ten bucks just comin' here. [Button: His admission points out how desperate his parents are to make a good impression!]
His parents GASP." [We laugh at the audacity. We know the scene has ended.]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The "button" does more than make us laugh as a punchline. It's also a valuable tool to skewer, prick the tension balloon, add irony, reverse expectations, etc.
Greedy (1994)(pre-production draft, 4/14/93)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Monday, August 26, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Fever Pitch (2005) - What is Good on Paper is Not Always Right for Film
[Quick Summary: When Ben, a diehard Red Sox fan, meets Lindsey, a competitive banker, they learn what it is like to manage love with the baseball season.]
A tip for screenwriters: Sometimes what you write on the page is great and makes a point, but on film, it's too predictable.
(In other words, be flexible. Directors may change things for a good reason.)
For example, in this script, Ben does not know Lindsey well yet. She is sick at home, so he picks up a video to make her feel better.
Her favorite film is "Young Frankenstein." He picked up "Young Frankenstein" just by chance!
As a reader, one would think, "Awww, isn't that sweet? They have the same sensibility. They are meant for each other!"
However, the directors felt it was too "on the nose." They kept the scene, but changed the video title.
ex. "He PICKS UP a Blockbuster Video bag.
LINDSEY: What's that?
BEN: Oh, I rented some movies in case you woke up. Not in case -- I knew you'd wake up. I meant, in case you woke up in the middle of the night.
LINDSEY: Anything good?
BEN: Uh...mostly animated pornography from Japan.
She LAUGHS.
BEN (CONT'D): And a few things I like.
LINDSEY: Like what?
BEN: Well, things I watch when I'm sick.
LINDSEY: With me it's "Young Frankenstein."
He looks STUNNED.
LINDSEY (CONT'D): What?
He takes a copy of "Young Frankenstein" out of the bag.
LINDSEY (CONT'D): ...spooky."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: To be honest, I'd have written it the exact same way. The scene doesn't convey the same meaning with two different films.
However, I also think the directors made the right change for film.
This is a great example of how a script is a blueprint to get a point across, but the actual execution may be different.
Fever Pitch (2005)(10/18/02 draft)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Based on the novel "Fever Pitch" by Nick Hornby and the 1997 film "Fever Pitch", screenplay by Nick Hornby
A tip for screenwriters: Sometimes what you write on the page is great and makes a point, but on film, it's too predictable.
(In other words, be flexible. Directors may change things for a good reason.)
For example, in this script, Ben does not know Lindsey well yet. She is sick at home, so he picks up a video to make her feel better.
Her favorite film is "Young Frankenstein." He picked up "Young Frankenstein" just by chance!
As a reader, one would think, "Awww, isn't that sweet? They have the same sensibility. They are meant for each other!"
However, the directors felt it was too "on the nose." They kept the scene, but changed the video title.
ex. "He PICKS UP a Blockbuster Video bag.
LINDSEY: What's that?
BEN: Oh, I rented some movies in case you woke up. Not in case -- I knew you'd wake up. I meant, in case you woke up in the middle of the night.
LINDSEY: Anything good?
BEN: Uh...mostly animated pornography from Japan.
She LAUGHS.
BEN (CONT'D): And a few things I like.
LINDSEY: Like what?
BEN: Well, things I watch when I'm sick.
LINDSEY: With me it's "Young Frankenstein."
He looks STUNNED.
LINDSEY (CONT'D): What?
He takes a copy of "Young Frankenstein" out of the bag.
LINDSEY (CONT'D): ...spooky."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: To be honest, I'd have written it the exact same way. The scene doesn't convey the same meaning with two different films.
However, I also think the directors made the right change for film.
This is a great example of how a script is a blueprint to get a point across, but the actual execution may be different.
Fever Pitch (2005)(10/18/02 draft)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Based on the novel "Fever Pitch" by Nick Hornby and the 1997 film "Fever Pitch", screenplay by Nick Hornby
Monday, August 19, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: EdTV (1999) - The Purpose of a Montage
[Quick Summary: Ed, a video store clerk, signs a deal to broadcast his life on reality tv 24-7, but the stress and lack of privacy ruins all his closest relationships.]
Q: Why are new writers told, "Don't use voice overs, flashbacks, montages"?
A: They are often overused and/or used poorly.
Q: How are they used poorly?
A: Solely to dump information on the audience. It bores the audience, and is lazy.
Q: Is there a better way to use voice overs, flashbacks, montages?
A: Yes. You, the writer, must always know what is the purpose for them.
ex. Is the voice over trying to set an ironic tone?
ex. Does the flashback show the character's current mind, i.e., stuck in the past?
ex. Does the montage ramp up the tension?
Below is a montage from this script.
- What is its purpose? It is a SET UP for the next scene in the rock club.
- The montage does not just deliver information (despite fame, Ed and Shari are finally happily dating) but also sets up the turn (fame is interfering with happiness).
ex. "INT. SHORT MONTAGE
Ed and Shari dating. She's shy, but she really likes Ed. He likes her and is very sweet to her.
1) Ed and Shari some place like "Tavern on the Green." She looks pretty. He's very happy.
2) They come out of a club. TOURISTS photograph them. Shari is a little disconcerted. Ed takes out a little camera of his own and photographs the tourists. This makes Shari laugh and relaxes her.
3) HOCKEY ARENA
CLOSE-UP of Ed, riving the Zamboni. He's loving it. He WAVES to Shari.
SHARI IN THE STANDS,
watching. She waves and smiles.
The ice, a WIDER SHOT.
The Zamboni is, basically out of control. Carlos is sliding along the ice, shooting Ed as the Zamboni zig-zags dangerously, eventually crashing into the boards, shattering the plexi-glass.
INT. LOCAL ROCK CLUB - NIGHT
It is very CROWDED. Claustrophobic. Loud. Ed and Shari enter -- just to see the show. They're spotted.
The Crowd, which is already fired up by the music, sees them. It starts out okay, people crowding around, patting Ed on the back.
A CHANT begins "Ed, Ed, Ed..." Pretty soon it drowns out the music.
More people press toward Ed. It's too crowded --dangerous. Shari is swept away from Ed. She's buffeted about, violently. She goes down. Ed can't move. The Crowd is friendly and happy, but the effect is scary.
EXT. ROCK CLUB - A FEW MINUTES LATER
BOUNCERS squeeze Ed and Shari out the door, protecting them. Ed is unnerved. Shari is somewhat bedraggled. Her clothing is torn."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: A montage is a wonderful shortcut, but is most effective if it has a defined purpose.
EdTV (1999)(6th draft, 7/16/97)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Q: Why are new writers told, "Don't use voice overs, flashbacks, montages"?
A: They are often overused and/or used poorly.
Q: How are they used poorly?
A: Solely to dump information on the audience. It bores the audience, and is lazy.
Q: Is there a better way to use voice overs, flashbacks, montages?
A: Yes. You, the writer, must always know what is the purpose for them.
ex. Is the voice over trying to set an ironic tone?
ex. Does the flashback show the character's current mind, i.e., stuck in the past?
ex. Does the montage ramp up the tension?
Below is a montage from this script.
- What is its purpose? It is a SET UP for the next scene in the rock club.
- The montage does not just deliver information (despite fame, Ed and Shari are finally happily dating) but also sets up the turn (fame is interfering with happiness).
ex. "INT. SHORT MONTAGE
Ed and Shari dating. She's shy, but she really likes Ed. He likes her and is very sweet to her.
1) Ed and Shari some place like "Tavern on the Green." She looks pretty. He's very happy.
2) They come out of a club. TOURISTS photograph them. Shari is a little disconcerted. Ed takes out a little camera of his own and photographs the tourists. This makes Shari laugh and relaxes her.
3) HOCKEY ARENA
CLOSE-UP of Ed, riving the Zamboni. He's loving it. He WAVES to Shari.
SHARI IN THE STANDS,
watching. She waves and smiles.
The ice, a WIDER SHOT.
The Zamboni is, basically out of control. Carlos is sliding along the ice, shooting Ed as the Zamboni zig-zags dangerously, eventually crashing into the boards, shattering the plexi-glass.
INT. LOCAL ROCK CLUB - NIGHT
It is very CROWDED. Claustrophobic. Loud. Ed and Shari enter -- just to see the show. They're spotted.
The Crowd, which is already fired up by the music, sees them. It starts out okay, people crowding around, patting Ed on the back.
A CHANT begins "Ed, Ed, Ed..." Pretty soon it drowns out the music.
More people press toward Ed. It's too crowded --dangerous. Shari is swept away from Ed. She's buffeted about, violently. She goes down. Ed can't move. The Crowd is friendly and happy, but the effect is scary.
EXT. ROCK CLUB - A FEW MINUTES LATER
BOUNCERS squeeze Ed and Shari out the door, protecting them. Ed is unnerved. Shari is somewhat bedraggled. Her clothing is torn."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: A montage is a wonderful shortcut, but is most effective if it has a defined purpose.
EdTV (1999)(6th draft, 7/16/97)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Monday, August 12, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Multiplicity (1996) - Clever Way to Show the Protagonist's Flaw
[Quick Summary: To have more time, Doug clones himself to help with work and family, but then he misses out on the life that the clones are living for him.]
BAD NEWS: This script was started to drag about half-way through.
Why? As one critic put it:
Also, I really liked how the writers introduced the protagonist's flaw.
Doug is a general contractor and a good family man, but he's a workaholic.
The scene below shows us in one scene how Doug is trying to juggle everything and failing. His flaw is not knowing what he wants and failing to prioritize.
ex. "INT. THE PICKUP - CONTINUOUS
Doug juggles the cellular phone and a cup of McDonald's coffee as he pops a couple of Tums.
DOUG (bugged): All right, fax the plans to me in the car...Okay, go.
He pushes a couple of buttons on his car fax and hears a beep.
DOUG: Hold on --I got another call. (he hits call-waiting) Hello?... Oh, hi, babe. How's it going (it's his wife, who he loves) I don't know when I'll be home. Why?... What's "bridging"?
The fax machine comes alive and starts spitting out shredded paper.
DOUG: Shit!...No, not that -- my fax is screwing up. Hold on a sec, okay? (back to the guy on hold) Eddie, you have to send it again. My fax machine just ate it... What brand? "piece of shit." It's an off-brand.
He angrily rips the shredded paper out of the fax and spills his coffee on his lap.
DOUG: Goddamn it!...What?! No, not you. I just spilled my coffee. Hold on... (back to his wife, mopping up coffee from between his legs) I'm sorry, babe. This is like a bad dream. What's this "bridging" thing?...Oh yeah, Jennifer -- Daisies to Brownies. Right, I remember. (he doesn't) Six-thirty -- I'm writing it down -- (he isn't) Okay, I love you, too. See you later.
The fax machine makes a terrible grinding noise and starts shredding more paper. Doug slams his fist down on it."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I thought the juggling in a confined space was very clever because the juggling is not just a metaphor, but literal (car fax, phone, coffee).
Multiplicity (1996)(rev by Harold Ramis, 5/10/95)
by Chris Miller & Mary Hale and Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
BAD NEWS: This script was started to drag about half-way through.
Why? As one critic put it:
As it is, the promising material of “Multiplicity” gets awfully thin. It feels more like a short film grown long, which is death to a comedy.GOOD NEWS: The first half lays out the premise well in an economical manner.
Also, I really liked how the writers introduced the protagonist's flaw.
Doug is a general contractor and a good family man, but he's a workaholic.
The scene below shows us in one scene how Doug is trying to juggle everything and failing. His flaw is not knowing what he wants and failing to prioritize.
ex. "INT. THE PICKUP - CONTINUOUS
Doug juggles the cellular phone and a cup of McDonald's coffee as he pops a couple of Tums.
DOUG (bugged): All right, fax the plans to me in the car...Okay, go.
He pushes a couple of buttons on his car fax and hears a beep.
DOUG: Hold on --I got another call. (he hits call-waiting) Hello?... Oh, hi, babe. How's it going (it's his wife, who he loves) I don't know when I'll be home. Why?... What's "bridging"?
The fax machine comes alive and starts spitting out shredded paper.
DOUG: Shit!...No, not that -- my fax is screwing up. Hold on a sec, okay? (back to the guy on hold) Eddie, you have to send it again. My fax machine just ate it... What brand? "piece of shit." It's an off-brand.
He angrily rips the shredded paper out of the fax and spills his coffee on his lap.
DOUG: Goddamn it!...What?! No, not you. I just spilled my coffee. Hold on... (back to his wife, mopping up coffee from between his legs) I'm sorry, babe. This is like a bad dream. What's this "bridging" thing?...Oh yeah, Jennifer -- Daisies to Brownies. Right, I remember. (he doesn't) Six-thirty -- I'm writing it down -- (he isn't) Okay, I love you, too. See you later.
The fax machine makes a terrible grinding noise and starts shredding more paper. Doug slams his fist down on it."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I thought the juggling in a confined space was very clever because the juggling is not just a metaphor, but literal (car fax, phone, coffee).
Multiplicity (1996)(rev by Harold Ramis, 5/10/95)
by Chris Miller & Mary Hale and Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Monday, August 5, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Forget Paris (1995) - What is Voice?
[Quick Summary: The up-and-down love story of how Mickey and Ellen met, fell in love and separated, as told from the POV of their friends.]
What is "voice"? For me, it is when I read a script and I know it is ___ writer. There's a tempo, a style, a way of telling the story.
How do you get a distinctive voice? I have no clue still.
I suspect it is one of those things that is partly unconscious and partly from having rewritten many scripts so that it sounds like YOU and YOUR RHYTHMS.
Ganz and Mandel have a definite voice. There is a certain tempo. They probably cram more jokes than you can into a few lines. Scenes end with a flourish. There is always a wry sense of the ridiculous in the face of disaster.
In the example below:
- The airline has lost Mickey's father's coffin. Mickey does not speak French.
- His friend Andy (V.O.) is telling Mickey's story to Liz.
- Notice how the frustrating last scene ends on a funny note.
ex. "INT. STOREROOM
Mickey is being shown around. An official is pointing hopefully to various items.
MICKEY: No! No! He wasn't a bicycle! We didn't sit on him and go for a ride. No! Not a birdcage!
CUT TO:
INT. STOREROOM
SHOTS of Mickey talking to one official after another. He can't communicate well with any of them and none of them seem very concerned about his problem.
ANDY (V.O.): Mickey's going out of his mind. But he's trying not to go off on anyone. You know, he doesn't want to be the ugly American.
INT. STOREROOM
Mickey is with another official, who speaks rapid French and coolly tosses Mickey's paperwork back to him and shrugs, unconcerned. By this time, Mickey is disheveled and tired.
MICKEY: Please - look - I know you people are still angry over Euro Disney, but, please, don't take it out on me. I'm on your side. I even said, "the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, the Country Bea Jamboree, it's not a good mix."
The official is ignoring him.
MICKEY (CONT): Whatever you do, I'm not gonna lose my temper.
ANDY (V.O.): But finally...
INT. STOREROOM
Mickey with another insolent OFFICIAL.
MICKEY: If I was Hitler you'd give me my father. You'd give me everything in your whole goddam country. (screams) Where is my father?! Ou est mon pere?! If you don't find him, I'm gonna bury you instead!
ANDY (V.O.): Two days!
LIZ (V.O.): Two days?
ANDY (V.O.) He was in that airport two days! But the airline was nice. They gave him triple advantage miles and free almonds."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Your voice distinguishes you from everyone else.
I finally begin to grasp that it's a combination of things, especially how you tell the story: tempo, POV, etc.
Forget Paris (1995)(1st draft, 6/24/94)
by Billy Crystal & Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
What is "voice"? For me, it is when I read a script and I know it is ___ writer. There's a tempo, a style, a way of telling the story.
How do you get a distinctive voice? I have no clue still.
I suspect it is one of those things that is partly unconscious and partly from having rewritten many scripts so that it sounds like YOU and YOUR RHYTHMS.
Ganz and Mandel have a definite voice. There is a certain tempo. They probably cram more jokes than you can into a few lines. Scenes end with a flourish. There is always a wry sense of the ridiculous in the face of disaster.
In the example below:
- The airline has lost Mickey's father's coffin. Mickey does not speak French.
- His friend Andy (V.O.) is telling Mickey's story to Liz.
- Notice how the frustrating last scene ends on a funny note.
ex. "INT. STOREROOM
Mickey is being shown around. An official is pointing hopefully to various items.
MICKEY: No! No! He wasn't a bicycle! We didn't sit on him and go for a ride. No! Not a birdcage!
CUT TO:
INT. STOREROOM
SHOTS of Mickey talking to one official after another. He can't communicate well with any of them and none of them seem very concerned about his problem.
ANDY (V.O.): Mickey's going out of his mind. But he's trying not to go off on anyone. You know, he doesn't want to be the ugly American.
INT. STOREROOM
Mickey is with another official, who speaks rapid French and coolly tosses Mickey's paperwork back to him and shrugs, unconcerned. By this time, Mickey is disheveled and tired.
MICKEY: Please - look - I know you people are still angry over Euro Disney, but, please, don't take it out on me. I'm on your side. I even said, "the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, the Country Bea Jamboree, it's not a good mix."
The official is ignoring him.
MICKEY (CONT): Whatever you do, I'm not gonna lose my temper.
ANDY (V.O.): But finally...
INT. STOREROOM
Mickey with another insolent OFFICIAL.
MICKEY: If I was Hitler you'd give me my father. You'd give me everything in your whole goddam country. (screams) Where is my father?! Ou est mon pere?! If you don't find him, I'm gonna bury you instead!
ANDY (V.O.): Two days!
LIZ (V.O.): Two days?
ANDY (V.O.) He was in that airport two days! But the airline was nice. They gave him triple advantage miles and free almonds."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Your voice distinguishes you from everyone else.
I finally begin to grasp that it's a combination of things, especially how you tell the story: tempo, POV, etc.
Forget Paris (1995)(1st draft, 6/24/94)
by Billy Crystal & Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Monday, July 29, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: A League of Their Own (1992) - The Sister Dynamic; Tension
[Quick Summary: In 1943, two competitive sisters try out for the first women's baseball league.]
The only thing I knew about this script was what I'd seen in the movie trailers.
I'm glad that I did not know too much, and was pleasantly surprised by:
1) The team manager character. In the trailer, he is exasperated but lovable. In the script, he is depressed that this is the only job he can get and is more layered.
2) The sisters dynamic. These are sisters who love each other but need their own space. It's refreshing to see they don't hate each other, just need different things.
I really like how the writers do not shy away from this tension, even though it is a bittersweet thing.
The scene below is from early in the script (p. 11). The sisters have just played a game for fun. Mitch Swaley has just asked Kit out. They are walking home.
Notice the up & down tension of "She's-my-sister-and-my-competitor."
ex. "EXT. FARM - LATE AFTERNOON
...DOTTIE: You were really gonna go with him?
KIT: Hey, all the good guys are gone. We can't all be lucky enough to have married Private Bob. America's secret weapon...I'm sorry. That last pitch was right down the middle. If I'd have swung at that I'd have been the hero. But you got me so crazy. [Jealousy]
DOTTIE: All I said was "Lay off the high ones."[Defensive]
KIT (dumb voice): "Good thing your sister bailed you out Kit, why don't you get your sister to teach you how to hit?" "Hey, Kit how come you're not beautiful like your sister?" [Comparison]
DOTTIE: What idiot said that?
KIT: No one, but I know they're thinking it. [Low self-esteem]
DOTTIE: They are not. [My sister the defender]
KIT: No? you ever hear Mom or Dad introduce us to people. This is our daughter Dottie. This is our other daughter -- Dottie's sister. They should've just had you and bought a dog. [Comparison]
DOTTIE (teasing): Mitch Swaley likes you. [Cheerleader]
KIT: Mitch Swaley's one step up from dating pigs. [Acknowledges she is right]
DOTTIE (laughs): But an important step. [Acknowledges she is right]
Kit's walking fast
DOTTIE (CONT'D): Why are you walking so fast? [Competitive]
KIT: Why are you? [Competitive]
DOTTIE: Cause you are." [Competitive]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was surprised that I was ok that the sisters aren't totally best friends by the end of the story.
I think it is because I know that these are two very different people, even on p. 11.
A League of Their Own (1992)(final shooting script, 6/7/91, w/revisions)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
The only thing I knew about this script was what I'd seen in the movie trailers.
I'm glad that I did not know too much, and was pleasantly surprised by:
1) The team manager character. In the trailer, he is exasperated but lovable. In the script, he is depressed that this is the only job he can get and is more layered.
2) The sisters dynamic. These are sisters who love each other but need their own space. It's refreshing to see they don't hate each other, just need different things.
I really like how the writers do not shy away from this tension, even though it is a bittersweet thing.
The scene below is from early in the script (p. 11). The sisters have just played a game for fun. Mitch Swaley has just asked Kit out. They are walking home.
Notice the up & down tension of "She's-my-sister-and-my-competitor."
ex. "EXT. FARM - LATE AFTERNOON
...DOTTIE: You were really gonna go with him?
KIT: Hey, all the good guys are gone. We can't all be lucky enough to have married Private Bob. America's secret weapon...I'm sorry. That last pitch was right down the middle. If I'd have swung at that I'd have been the hero. But you got me so crazy. [Jealousy]
DOTTIE: All I said was "Lay off the high ones."[Defensive]
KIT (dumb voice): "Good thing your sister bailed you out Kit, why don't you get your sister to teach you how to hit?" "Hey, Kit how come you're not beautiful like your sister?" [Comparison]
DOTTIE: What idiot said that?
KIT: No one, but I know they're thinking it. [Low self-esteem]
DOTTIE: They are not. [My sister the defender]
KIT: No? you ever hear Mom or Dad introduce us to people. This is our daughter Dottie. This is our other daughter -- Dottie's sister. They should've just had you and bought a dog. [Comparison]
DOTTIE (teasing): Mitch Swaley likes you. [Cheerleader]
KIT: Mitch Swaley's one step up from dating pigs. [Acknowledges she is right]
DOTTIE (laughs): But an important step. [Acknowledges she is right]
Kit's walking fast
DOTTIE (CONT'D): Why are you walking so fast? [Competitive]
KIT: Why are you? [Competitive]
DOTTIE: Cause you are." [Competitive]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was surprised that I was ok that the sisters aren't totally best friends by the end of the story.
I think it is because I know that these are two very different people, even on p. 11.
A League of Their Own (1992)(final shooting script, 6/7/91, w/revisions)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Monday, July 22, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Spies Like Us (1985) - Not the Words, But the Telling
[Quick Summary: Two inept government employees are recruited for a Defense Department mission, not knowing that they are merely decoys.]
Over the years, I've grappled with the idea of a screenplay as a blueprint, a map, or "written to be shot." What does it mean?
Then I heard an explanation from writer Paul Schrader that made sense:
As an example, I thought the plot for this script was so-so, but the telling of how these two protagonists cheat on a civil service test is great.
Note that the words below state "how they cheated", but it is really the telling of "how they bonded."
ex. "INT. EXAMINATION ROOM - DAY
... Fitz-Hume copies the answer and then the two of them begin ever-escalating series of collaborative maneuvers, signaling page number, answers, multiple choices, etc. via an elaborate set of clandestine pantomimes and sign langues, always checking the Monitor to be sure they're unobserved. Fitz-Hume boldly pulls his patch from his eye. Catches an answer written inside. He lets it snap back. He reads from the bandage on his arm. He takes off his shoes, flips them over to read answers written on the soles.
They are still desperate. Fitz-Hume thinks a minute and decides, "What the hell."
FITZ-HUME (screams): Oh, my God! The pressure! The stress! I can't stand it!
He stands up.
FITZ-HUME (continuing): It's inhuman! I --
He starts to gasp and roll his eyes. His tongue sticks out. He begins to stagger.
FITZ-HUME (continuing): My heart!...Heart attack! Attack of the heart!
He careens around the room. As he does he takes the opportunity to look at everyone's test paper. He clutches a couple and staggers around, reading them. Finally, he collapses to the floor. Millbarge jumps in.
MILLBARGE: Stand back. I'm a trained cardiologist. He needs air. Let me fan him.
He grabs another applicant's test paper and fans him, reading it all the while.
MILLBARGE (continuing): I said stand back. Maybe you should all go out of the room.
CLOSE ANGLE - THE EXAM MONITOR - DAY
She's not dumb. She reaches under her desk and presses a concealed button."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: It seems so easy: Scripts that are told well are fun to read.
It took me an embarrassing amount of time to realize that no one can teach you how to tell a story...except by reading lots of stories.
Spies Like Us (1985)(rev. draft, 10/19/84)
Story by Dan Aykroyd & Dave Thomas
by Dan Aykroyd and Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Over the years, I've grappled with the idea of a screenplay as a blueprint, a map, or "written to be shot." What does it mean?
Then I heard an explanation from writer Paul Schrader that made sense:
What I tell young writers is don't confuse screenwriting with writing. Screenwriting is part of the oral tradition. It is not part of the literary tradition. You have to tell your story. It's not about the words, it's about the telling. (underline mine)So screenwriting is not about really about the words, but use of words for the telling! (Or, as screenwriter Eric Roth said, a "bastardized form.")
As an example, I thought the plot for this script was so-so, but the telling of how these two protagonists cheat on a civil service test is great.
Note that the words below state "how they cheated", but it is really the telling of "how they bonded."
ex. "INT. EXAMINATION ROOM - DAY
... Fitz-Hume copies the answer and then the two of them begin ever-escalating series of collaborative maneuvers, signaling page number, answers, multiple choices, etc. via an elaborate set of clandestine pantomimes and sign langues, always checking the Monitor to be sure they're unobserved. Fitz-Hume boldly pulls his patch from his eye. Catches an answer written inside. He lets it snap back. He reads from the bandage on his arm. He takes off his shoes, flips them over to read answers written on the soles.
They are still desperate. Fitz-Hume thinks a minute and decides, "What the hell."
FITZ-HUME (screams): Oh, my God! The pressure! The stress! I can't stand it!
He stands up.
FITZ-HUME (continuing): It's inhuman! I --
He starts to gasp and roll his eyes. His tongue sticks out. He begins to stagger.
FITZ-HUME (continuing): My heart!...Heart attack! Attack of the heart!
He careens around the room. As he does he takes the opportunity to look at everyone's test paper. He clutches a couple and staggers around, reading them. Finally, he collapses to the floor. Millbarge jumps in.
MILLBARGE: Stand back. I'm a trained cardiologist. He needs air. Let me fan him.
He grabs another applicant's test paper and fans him, reading it all the while.
MILLBARGE (continuing): I said stand back. Maybe you should all go out of the room.
CLOSE ANGLE - THE EXAM MONITOR - DAY
She's not dumb. She reaches under her desk and presses a concealed button."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: It seems so easy: Scripts that are told well are fun to read.
It took me an embarrassing amount of time to realize that no one can teach you how to tell a story...except by reading lots of stories.
Spies Like Us (1985)(rev. draft, 10/19/84)
Story by Dan Aykroyd & Dave Thomas
by Dan Aykroyd and Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Monday, July 15, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Splash (1984) - Laying Out the Internal Conflict, But Funny
[Quick Summary: A cranky lovelorn produce salesman falls in love with a mysterious stranger who is a mermaid.]
I really like this script for a few reasons:
1) It is rare that a comedy is this solid or this good.
2) It is very rare that a comedy at all is OSCAR NOMINATED. This one deserves it.
3) It has an unusual structure: The antagonist (a scientist) chases the protagonists (Alan & Madison) throughout the whole story, but they don't meet until Act 3.
4) It has a cheeky first line: (It works here but not everywhere.)
ex. "EXT. OFF THE NEW ENGLAND COAST - TWENTY YEARS AGO - DUSK
We know it's twenty years ago, because WE WRITE ON THE SCREEN "TWENTY YEARS AGO," thereby leaving little doubt."
5) It takes the time to lay out Alan's internal conflict and in a funny way.
In the scene below:
- Alan is an usher at his friend Jerry's wedding.
- Freddie is Alan's brother.
- Victoria, Alan's girlfriend, has just dumped Alan.
- Alan is conflicted: lonely, embarrassed, and defensive that Victoria left him.
ex. "INT. CHURCH - A FEW MINUTES LATER
Alan is in the aisle, ushering. Freddie is next to him.
ALAN: There's got to be something wrong with me. (to passing guests) Anywhere, but the first three rows.
GUEST #1: Hey, Freddie, Alan. Where's Victoria?
ALAN: She's uh...sick. (to Freddie) Why didn't I love her? She was bright, sensitive, beautiful.
GUEST: #2: Hey, Alan. Where's Victoria?
ALAN: Flu. Bad flu. Very sick.
GUEST #2: Give her my love.
ALAN: Sure. (to Freddie) I can't even give her my love. I'm serious, Freddie. (points to his heart) Something in here's not working.
FREDDIE: There are worse organs to not be working.
GUEST #3: Hi, guys. Hey, Alan, where's that pretty girl of yours?
ALAN (getting annoyed): She's not coming, okay? You want your money back?
The guest walks off, confused.
ALAN (continuing to Freddie): I don't know. Maybe it's all for the best.
GUEST #4: Hey, Alan --
ALAN (loud): She left me, all right?! She moved out. My life is a shambles. Okay? You got the news, you want the weather. (to someone else, surly) Anywhere, but the first three rows."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Ganz & Mandel scripts are built well. I like that they get to the point, but aren't afraid to lay pipe when needed.
I also like that the humor comes from internal character (Alan is trying to juggle multiple emotions) rather than the external situation (Alan is unhappily single at a happy event.)
Splash (1984)(2nd draft, 2/1/83)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Story by Brian Grazer
I really like this script for a few reasons:
1) It is rare that a comedy is this solid or this good.
2) It is very rare that a comedy at all is OSCAR NOMINATED. This one deserves it.
3) It has an unusual structure: The antagonist (a scientist) chases the protagonists (Alan & Madison) throughout the whole story, but they don't meet until Act 3.
4) It has a cheeky first line: (It works here but not everywhere.)
ex. "EXT. OFF THE NEW ENGLAND COAST - TWENTY YEARS AGO - DUSK
We know it's twenty years ago, because WE WRITE ON THE SCREEN "TWENTY YEARS AGO," thereby leaving little doubt."
5) It takes the time to lay out Alan's internal conflict and in a funny way.
In the scene below:
- Alan is an usher at his friend Jerry's wedding.
- Freddie is Alan's brother.
- Victoria, Alan's girlfriend, has just dumped Alan.
- Alan is conflicted: lonely, embarrassed, and defensive that Victoria left him.
ex. "INT. CHURCH - A FEW MINUTES LATER
Alan is in the aisle, ushering. Freddie is next to him.
ALAN: There's got to be something wrong with me. (to passing guests) Anywhere, but the first three rows.
GUEST #1: Hey, Freddie, Alan. Where's Victoria?
ALAN: She's uh...sick. (to Freddie) Why didn't I love her? She was bright, sensitive, beautiful.
GUEST: #2: Hey, Alan. Where's Victoria?
ALAN: Flu. Bad flu. Very sick.
GUEST #2: Give her my love.
ALAN: Sure. (to Freddie) I can't even give her my love. I'm serious, Freddie. (points to his heart) Something in here's not working.
FREDDIE: There are worse organs to not be working.
GUEST #3: Hi, guys. Hey, Alan, where's that pretty girl of yours?
ALAN (getting annoyed): She's not coming, okay? You want your money back?
The guest walks off, confused.
ALAN (continuing to Freddie): I don't know. Maybe it's all for the best.
GUEST #4: Hey, Alan --
ALAN (loud): She left me, all right?! She moved out. My life is a shambles. Okay? You got the news, you want the weather. (to someone else, surly) Anywhere, but the first three rows."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Ganz & Mandel scripts are built well. I like that they get to the point, but aren't afraid to lay pipe when needed.
I also like that the humor comes from internal character (Alan is trying to juggle multiple emotions) rather than the external situation (Alan is unhappily single at a happy event.)
Splash (1984)(2nd draft, 2/1/83)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Story by Brian Grazer
Monday, July 8, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Night Shift (1982) - Lacking Story? Then Face Your Flaw
[Quick Summary: A timid morgue night employee is talked into using the morgue as an office for prostitutes, but then competing pimps come after him.]
I never knew about Ganz & Mandel until I watched these interviews.
They both started out writing for tv shows, including the popular show Happy Days.* This is their first feature film.
I think one strong hallmark of a Ganz & Mandel script is that is there is a story rather than just a situation.**
Story = The protagonist must face his/her own flaw, often resulting in an arc.
Situation = Series of events. Flaw and arc are not important.
In the scene below:
- Chuck is the protagonist and is engaged to Charlotte.
- Vivian is Chuck's mother. Edward and Rose are Charlotte's parents.
- They were all at dinner when Belinda, Chuck's neighbor and a prostitute, called him to bail her out of jail. They are now returning from court.
- FLAW: Chuck lets everyone push him around.
- Notice the structure of the scene: No one will let Chuck speak in this car (or in his life). He must do it now or else he is doomed. This is Chuck's a-ha! moment.
ex. "INT. KOOGLE'S RENTED CAR - LATER THAT NIGHT
Edward and Rose are in the front. Rose has her head out the window. Chuck is seated in the back between Vivian and Charlotte. Everyone is distraught.
EDWARD: You know what really steams my beans? They just let that strumpet right back out on the streets!
CHARLOTTE (to Chuck): You're moving out of that building.
VIVIAN: Absolutely.
CHUCK (softly): Wait a minute --
VIVIAN: You stay out of it. (to Charlotte) Let me tell you something. When you get married you have to handle him the way I handled his father.
There's a big bump in the road. Everyone flies up.
EDWARD: Potholes! You all right, Rose?
We hear Rose moaning. We PUSH IN TIGHT on Chuck. He's not speaking but clearly he's listening to every word and weighing them carefully.
VIVIAN: If it wasn't for me, his father would've done any old thing he pleased. You know what he wanted to do? Make furniture by hand! Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Koogle, I straightened out Al, and together we'll all straighten out Chuck.
They hit another bump and go flying.
EDWARD (O.S.): You all right, Rose?
She moans."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I thought the scene above fit perfectly with Chuck's flaw.
The structure and the visuals are all great setups. They all are forcing Chuck to take proactive action in the next scene.
Night Shift (1982)(3rd draft, 7/20/81)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
*Happy Days featured actor Ron Howard who was to become the future director of Night Shift. Ganz & Mandel would go on to write several films for Howard.
** The Problem with 99% of Screenplays (aka Fat Tootsie Syndrome) does a nice job of explaining story vs. situation and the need for a character to have a flaw.
I never knew about Ganz & Mandel until I watched these interviews.
They both started out writing for tv shows, including the popular show Happy Days.* This is their first feature film.
I think one strong hallmark of a Ganz & Mandel script is that is there is a story rather than just a situation.**
Story = The protagonist must face his/her own flaw, often resulting in an arc.
Situation = Series of events. Flaw and arc are not important.
In the scene below:
- Chuck is the protagonist and is engaged to Charlotte.
- Vivian is Chuck's mother. Edward and Rose are Charlotte's parents.
- They were all at dinner when Belinda, Chuck's neighbor and a prostitute, called him to bail her out of jail. They are now returning from court.
- FLAW: Chuck lets everyone push him around.
- Notice the structure of the scene: No one will let Chuck speak in this car (or in his life). He must do it now or else he is doomed. This is Chuck's a-ha! moment.
ex. "INT. KOOGLE'S RENTED CAR - LATER THAT NIGHT
Edward and Rose are in the front. Rose has her head out the window. Chuck is seated in the back between Vivian and Charlotte. Everyone is distraught.
EDWARD: You know what really steams my beans? They just let that strumpet right back out on the streets!
CHARLOTTE (to Chuck): You're moving out of that building.
VIVIAN: Absolutely.
CHUCK (softly): Wait a minute --
VIVIAN: You stay out of it. (to Charlotte) Let me tell you something. When you get married you have to handle him the way I handled his father.
There's a big bump in the road. Everyone flies up.
EDWARD: Potholes! You all right, Rose?
We hear Rose moaning. We PUSH IN TIGHT on Chuck. He's not speaking but clearly he's listening to every word and weighing them carefully.
VIVIAN: If it wasn't for me, his father would've done any old thing he pleased. You know what he wanted to do? Make furniture by hand! Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Koogle, I straightened out Al, and together we'll all straighten out Chuck.
They hit another bump and go flying.
EDWARD (O.S.): You all right, Rose?
She moans."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I thought the scene above fit perfectly with Chuck's flaw.
The structure and the visuals are all great setups. They all are forcing Chuck to take proactive action in the next scene.
Night Shift (1982)(3rd draft, 7/20/81)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
*Happy Days featured actor Ron Howard who was to become the future director of Night Shift. Ganz & Mandel would go on to write several films for Howard.
** The Problem with 99% of Screenplays (aka Fat Tootsie Syndrome) does a nice job of explaining story vs. situation and the need for a character to have a flaw.
Monday, July 1, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Peeping Tom (1960) - It Does Not Let You Off the Hook
[Quick Summary: A young focus puller/ photographer/ director wannabe is an underground serial killer who is trying to capture the moment of death from fear.]
THREE THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS SCRIPT:
1) It's one of the best psychological horror/thriller scripts that I've read. It is 60 y.o., yet still relevant, still could be made today, still has something to say.
2) It's risky. The critics' and public's response to this film essentially ended director Michael Powell's career in England.* **
3) It does not let you off the hook. I liked that the script does not try to explain away Mark's murdering instinct or soften the blow of his decisions.
Yes, Mark is a loner, socially awkward, driven, and probably was harmed by his scientific father's psychological experiments.
However, he does not make excuses for himself and takes responsibility for his actions. What a dilemma! Do I root for or against him?
In the scene below, note:
- Helen is a neighbor and possibly the first girl to show interest in Mark.
- Their rapport makes me hope that Mark could change, but his "better be soon" tells me that he knows that he will be facing consequences soon.
- This scene is so bittersweet and tragic, yet does not veer from Mark's goal.
ex. "INT. MARK'S SITTING ROOM - EVENING
...HELEN: I'll tell you that too - but, Mark...this is the problem...The children who read the book will want to see the pictures the camera takes - but the publishers say they're impossible to photograph, and suggest drawings...but I don't agree.
MARK: No - nothing's impossible.
HELEN: was hoping you'd say that! There must be photographs - however difficult to take - and I was wondering, Mark - if you'd...
MARK: Oh yes.
HELEN: discuss it with me.
MARK: take them.
HELEN: Mark - I can't ask you to do that...
They have cancelled his Oscar.
HELEN (cont'd): I mean...the publisher's mightn't agree.
MARK: I'd take them...for you.
HELEN: Yes but...the money.
MARK: There are some things...which I photograph...for nothing.
HELEN: I didn't mean to offend you.
MARK: Offend?
CLOSE SHOT of Mark.
MARK (cont'd): Helen...if you knew what it meant...for something to happen to me...that I don't have to make happen...it's like...you've given me a twenty-first birthday...
CLOSE SHOT of Helen looking at him...
MARK (cont'd): What does your camera photograph?
HELEN: Mark - I must go...I just wanted to know...if you'd talk it over with me.
MARK: When please?
HELEN: That's up to you.
MARK: Helen...I don't know much about...dinner out...but would you come with me?
HELEN: Thank you.
MARK: Thank you.
HELEN: When?
MARK: Oh...
HELEN: What's the matter?
MARK: It had better be soon...
HELEN: Are you going away?
MARK: Almost for certain!...
HELEN: Oh...well you suggest when.
MARK: Are you free...tomorrow night?
HELEN: Yes."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I admire this script for having something to say and sticking with it.
Peeping Tom (1960)(shooting draft, 1959)
by Leo Marks
*Why did critics and the public hate it so? I think because it didn't allow the audience to lurk anonymously in the dark, but implicated us in the voyeurism of the title character.
**Powell was the well regarded director of The Red Shoes (1948), Tales of Hoffman (1951), etc. He was the husband of Thelma Schoonmaker, Martin Scorsese's editor.
THREE THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS SCRIPT:
1) It's one of the best psychological horror/thriller scripts that I've read. It is 60 y.o., yet still relevant, still could be made today, still has something to say.
2) It's risky. The critics' and public's response to this film essentially ended director Michael Powell's career in England.* **
3) It does not let you off the hook. I liked that the script does not try to explain away Mark's murdering instinct or soften the blow of his decisions.
Yes, Mark is a loner, socially awkward, driven, and probably was harmed by his scientific father's psychological experiments.
However, he does not make excuses for himself and takes responsibility for his actions. What a dilemma! Do I root for or against him?
In the scene below, note:
- Helen is a neighbor and possibly the first girl to show interest in Mark.
- Their rapport makes me hope that Mark could change, but his "better be soon" tells me that he knows that he will be facing consequences soon.
- This scene is so bittersweet and tragic, yet does not veer from Mark's goal.
ex. "INT. MARK'S SITTING ROOM - EVENING
...HELEN: I'll tell you that too - but, Mark...this is the problem...The children who read the book will want to see the pictures the camera takes - but the publishers say they're impossible to photograph, and suggest drawings...but I don't agree.
MARK: No - nothing's impossible.
HELEN: was hoping you'd say that! There must be photographs - however difficult to take - and I was wondering, Mark - if you'd...
MARK: Oh yes.
HELEN: discuss it with me.
MARK: take them.
HELEN: Mark - I can't ask you to do that...
They have cancelled his Oscar.
HELEN (cont'd): I mean...the publisher's mightn't agree.
MARK: I'd take them...for you.
HELEN: Yes but...the money.
MARK: There are some things...which I photograph...for nothing.
HELEN: I didn't mean to offend you.
MARK: Offend?
CLOSE SHOT of Mark.
MARK (cont'd): Helen...if you knew what it meant...for something to happen to me...that I don't have to make happen...it's like...you've given me a twenty-first birthday...
CLOSE SHOT of Helen looking at him...
MARK (cont'd): What does your camera photograph?
HELEN: Mark - I must go...I just wanted to know...if you'd talk it over with me.
MARK: When please?
HELEN: That's up to you.
MARK: Helen...I don't know much about...dinner out...but would you come with me?
HELEN: Thank you.
MARK: Thank you.
HELEN: When?
MARK: Oh...
HELEN: What's the matter?
MARK: It had better be soon...
HELEN: Are you going away?
MARK: Almost for certain!...
HELEN: Oh...well you suggest when.
MARK: Are you free...tomorrow night?
HELEN: Yes."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I admire this script for having something to say and sticking with it.
Peeping Tom (1960)(shooting draft, 1959)
by Leo Marks
*Why did critics and the public hate it so? I think because it didn't allow the audience to lurk anonymously in the dark, but implicated us in the voyeurism of the title character.
**Powell was the well regarded director of The Red Shoes (1948), Tales of Hoffman (1951), etc. He was the husband of Thelma Schoonmaker, Martin Scorsese's editor.
Monday, June 24, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: I Love Trouble (1994) - Catching a Character in a Lie
[Quick Summary: Hallie Peterson, the new Chronicle reporter, outscoops Globe reporter Peter Brackett over mysterious deaths of scientists.]
TWO THOUGHTS:
1) IS THIS A ROM-COM? It's more mystery than the Hallie-Peter relationship.
2) CATCHING A CHARACTER IN A LIE. How does the audience know that the character knows the jig is up? Often by the reactions of other characters.
For example, in the scene below:
- Peter has submitted one of his old newspaper columns to his editor Greenfield.
- Greenfield remembers seeing it before.
- From Greenfield's reaction, the audience puts 2 + 2 together that Peter realizes he has been caught.
- Notice the script does not tell us Peter's reaction.
ex. "INT. CITY ROOM
...Greenfield looks at Peter with hooded eyes, says nothing.
PETER: Don't give me that hound dog look, I don't cover the beat anymore.
GREENFIELD: And I don't print recycled columns.
PETER: I don't believe what I'm hearing. Are you accusing me of --
GREENFIELD (to Copy Boy): --Pull up Brackett's columns from the mid-eighties. Something like, 'Gun Shy', 'Guns of Something...', 'Guns and Roses'...
Peter starts to object...
GREENFIELD (remembers): 'Johnny Got A Gun'!"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I never know if my intent is clear enough to the reader. Is my writing clear about how I want them to put 2 + 2 together? Or am I too vague?
I think this is one of those things that benefits from feedback from colleagues.
I Love Trouble (1994)(revised draft, 6/2/93)
by Nancy Meyers and Charles Shyer
TWO THOUGHTS:
1) IS THIS A ROM-COM? It's more mystery than the Hallie-Peter relationship.
2) CATCHING A CHARACTER IN A LIE. How does the audience know that the character knows the jig is up? Often by the reactions of other characters.
For example, in the scene below:
- Peter has submitted one of his old newspaper columns to his editor Greenfield.
- Greenfield remembers seeing it before.
- From Greenfield's reaction, the audience puts 2 + 2 together that Peter realizes he has been caught.
- Notice the script does not tell us Peter's reaction.
ex. "INT. CITY ROOM
...Greenfield looks at Peter with hooded eyes, says nothing.
PETER: Don't give me that hound dog look, I don't cover the beat anymore.
GREENFIELD: And I don't print recycled columns.
PETER: I don't believe what I'm hearing. Are you accusing me of --
GREENFIELD (to Copy Boy): --Pull up Brackett's columns from the mid-eighties. Something like, 'Gun Shy', 'Guns of Something...', 'Guns and Roses'...
Peter starts to object...
GREENFIELD (remembers): 'Johnny Got A Gun'!"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I never know if my intent is clear enough to the reader. Is my writing clear about how I want them to put 2 + 2 together? Or am I too vague?
I think this is one of those things that benefits from feedback from colleagues.
I Love Trouble (1994)(revised draft, 6/2/93)
by Nancy Meyers and Charles Shyer
Monday, June 17, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Big Trouble in Little China (1986) - Use of a Kiss During an Action Sequence
[Quick Summary: Jack Burton helps his friend Wang Chi rescue Wang's green eyed fiancee from the supernatural Lo Pan whose lair is underneath Chinatown.]
MY TWO THOUGHTS:
1) Too Much of the Same. I liked that this script has so much action.
But after awhile, it was the just the same scene, the same emotional dynamics.
Roger Ebert explains it much better:
However, I liked the kiss in the scene below because it has multiple layers:
- It acknowledges there is a Jack-Gracie attraction.
- It releases the audience's tension, now that all the captives are freed.
- It symbolizes freedom and celebration.
ex. "INT. BATHING POOL - DAY
UNDERWATER...AN INLET... A PIPE 18 INCHES WIDE...PEOPLE SQUEEZING INTO IT...TALK ABOUT INSANITY...BUBBLES, PANIC, THRASHING BODIES...WE DON'T SEE JACK BURTON.
INT. PIPE - DAY
Up ahead the first Chinese girl surfaces! Still in the pipe but above its water level! The going's still nightmarish but there's air...AND THE PIPE'S GETTING WIDER, NOT MUCH, 36 INCHES. Gracie breaks the surface! Wang Chi next!
GRACIE LAW: Where's Margo?!
Wang Chi has no idea, and Gracie shoves him on by her, Margo appearing, Gracie shoving her on by...
MARGO LITZENBERGER: Where are we!
GRACIE LAW: Where's Eddie?!
Eddie! Gasping for air! Gracie helps him, shoves him forward...
GRACIE LAW: Where's Jack?!
"Jack?" Getting familiar, Gracie showing concern, huh? She's looking back at the water, no Jack...no Jack... THEN JACK ERUPTING IN HER FACE!
GRACIE LAW: Jack!
She grabs him, elated. So is Jack, to be breathing again and be hugged by Gracie Law when a second ago he thought it was curtains...so he kisses her!
GRACIE LAW: Hey!
JACK BURTON: Sorry, sorry, I'm just thrilled to be alive.
GRACIE: Yeah, right. Let's go.
Their wet bodies on top of each other, no way they can move at the same time.
JACK BURTON: Ladies first."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The purpose of the kiss was not one fold, and thus had more meaning.
(In other words: It meant something more than just romantic attraction.)
Big Trouble in Little China (1986)(rev. shooting script, 9/17/85)
by David Weinstein and Gary Goldman
Revisions by W.D. Richter
Directed by John Carpenter
MY TWO THOUGHTS:
1) Too Much of the Same. I liked that this script has so much action.
But after awhile, it was the just the same scene, the same emotional dynamics.
Roger Ebert explains it much better:
...the first 30 minutes of the movie gave me lots of room for hope. It was fast-moving, it was visually spectacular, it was exotic and lighthearted and filled with a spirit of adventure. But then, gradually, the movie began to recycle itself. It began to feel as if I was seeing the same thing more than once. After one amazing subterranean chamber had been survived and conquered, everybody fell down a chute into another one. By the end of the movie, I was just plain weary.2) Use of a Kiss During an Action Sequence. This script does not really delve into the Jack-Gracie relationship, which is fine. It's not that kind of movie.
However, I liked the kiss in the scene below because it has multiple layers:
- It acknowledges there is a Jack-Gracie attraction.
- It releases the audience's tension, now that all the captives are freed.
- It symbolizes freedom and celebration.
ex. "INT. BATHING POOL - DAY
UNDERWATER...AN INLET... A PIPE 18 INCHES WIDE...PEOPLE SQUEEZING INTO IT...TALK ABOUT INSANITY...BUBBLES, PANIC, THRASHING BODIES...WE DON'T SEE JACK BURTON.
INT. PIPE - DAY
Up ahead the first Chinese girl surfaces! Still in the pipe but above its water level! The going's still nightmarish but there's air...AND THE PIPE'S GETTING WIDER, NOT MUCH, 36 INCHES. Gracie breaks the surface! Wang Chi next!
GRACIE LAW: Where's Margo?!
Wang Chi has no idea, and Gracie shoves him on by her, Margo appearing, Gracie shoving her on by...
MARGO LITZENBERGER: Where are we!
GRACIE LAW: Where's Eddie?!
Eddie! Gasping for air! Gracie helps him, shoves him forward...
GRACIE LAW: Where's Jack?!
"Jack?" Getting familiar, Gracie showing concern, huh? She's looking back at the water, no Jack...no Jack... THEN JACK ERUPTING IN HER FACE!
GRACIE LAW: Jack!
She grabs him, elated. So is Jack, to be breathing again and be hugged by Gracie Law when a second ago he thought it was curtains...so he kisses her!
GRACIE LAW: Hey!
JACK BURTON: Sorry, sorry, I'm just thrilled to be alive.
GRACIE: Yeah, right. Let's go.
Their wet bodies on top of each other, no way they can move at the same time.
JACK BURTON: Ladies first."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The purpose of the kiss was not one fold, and thus had more meaning.
(In other words: It meant something more than just romantic attraction.)
Big Trouble in Little China (1986)(rev. shooting script, 9/17/85)
by David Weinstein and Gary Goldman
Revisions by W.D. Richter
Directed by John Carpenter
Monday, June 10, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Maid in Manhattan (2002) - One Key to a Strong Rom-Com
[Quick Summary: In a case of mistaken identity, a maid is asked out on a date by a senatorial candidate and chaos ensues when the truth is leaked.]
I stand by my belief that rom-coms are one of the hardest genres to crack.
So what is the secret to pulling it off?
I saw a good answer TWICE in the last week: Fall in love while doing other things.*
Simple, right?!...Wait, that's difficult... How do you do that?
This script shows one key:
We see that protagonist in his/her daily life.
--> Protagonist encounters love interest.
--> Protagonist CHANGES in his/her daily life.
= The change IS the evidence of "falling in love."
I chose the scene below for two reasons:
1) Because it shows Chris, the love interest, at a benefit (his daily life) and breaking away from routine after meeting Marisa (a definite change).
2) Because the unconscious smiling thing really happens in real life.**
ex. "INT. RAINBOW ROOM - NIGHT
...The song ends. The dance floor empties. Chris and Marisa remain, face to face.
MARISA: Look, I don't want to stop you from doing the right thing.
Chris smiles. She looks at him questioning.
MARISA: What? Why are you smiling...
CHRIS: Nothing, it's just, up until this minute, I didn't know what that was. But I do now.
MARISA: You do what?
He begins to walk away.
MARISA: Where are you going?
CHRIS: I'm going to give old Jerry an interesting challenge.
MARISA: Because of me?
CHRIS: Because of us. We're not staying.
MARISA: We're not?
CHRIS: Nope. And that might make him a little...miffed."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Falling in love should be part of the protagonist's overall story, but not the whole story. Otherwise, it's rather dull.
Chambermaid (Maid in Manhattan) (2002)(2/25/02 draft)
by John Hughes (story), revised by Kevin Wade
*I read the same observation TWICE in the last week:
- Ebert: "And Jennifer Lopez and Ralph Fiennes make an intriguing couple because their characters have ways of passing the time other than falling in love. (I grow impatient when movie characters are so limited they can think of nothing better to do than follow the plot.)"
- Mernit on "It Happened One Night": "The movie's a textbook on how romantic happens, which is often when your characters are busy doing other things."
**In grad school, I met "someone special" from another school and didn't tell anyone. A classmate, who rarely spoke to me and did not know me well, asked me why I was smiling all the time. It freaked me out! Was I that obvious? I could've sworn that I was acting normally. I had had no idea.
I stand by my belief that rom-coms are one of the hardest genres to crack.
So what is the secret to pulling it off?
I saw a good answer TWICE in the last week: Fall in love while doing other things.*
Simple, right?!...Wait, that's difficult... How do you do that?
This script shows one key:
We see that protagonist in his/her daily life.
--> Protagonist encounters love interest.
--> Protagonist CHANGES in his/her daily life.
= The change IS the evidence of "falling in love."
I chose the scene below for two reasons:
1) Because it shows Chris, the love interest, at a benefit (his daily life) and breaking away from routine after meeting Marisa (a definite change).
2) Because the unconscious smiling thing really happens in real life.**
ex. "INT. RAINBOW ROOM - NIGHT
...The song ends. The dance floor empties. Chris and Marisa remain, face to face.
MARISA: Look, I don't want to stop you from doing the right thing.
Chris smiles. She looks at him questioning.
MARISA: What? Why are you smiling...
CHRIS: Nothing, it's just, up until this minute, I didn't know what that was. But I do now.
MARISA: You do what?
He begins to walk away.
MARISA: Where are you going?
CHRIS: I'm going to give old Jerry an interesting challenge.
MARISA: Because of me?
CHRIS: Because of us. We're not staying.
MARISA: We're not?
CHRIS: Nope. And that might make him a little...miffed."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Falling in love should be part of the protagonist's overall story, but not the whole story. Otherwise, it's rather dull.
Chambermaid (Maid in Manhattan) (2002)(2/25/02 draft)
by John Hughes (story), revised by Kevin Wade
*I read the same observation TWICE in the last week:
- Ebert: "And Jennifer Lopez and Ralph Fiennes make an intriguing couple because their characters have ways of passing the time other than falling in love. (I grow impatient when movie characters are so limited they can think of nothing better to do than follow the plot.)"
- Mernit on "It Happened One Night": "The movie's a textbook on how romantic happens, which is often when your characters are busy doing other things."
**In grad school, I met "someone special" from another school and didn't tell anyone. A classmate, who rarely spoke to me and did not know me well, asked me why I was smiling all the time. It freaked me out! Was I that obvious? I could've sworn that I was acting normally. I had had no idea.
Monday, June 3, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Flubber (1997) - The Space Between Two Characters
[Quick Summary: An absent minded professor invents flying rubber ("flubber") that might save his college from closing.]
GOOD NEWS: I can tell John Hughes worked really, really hard on this script.
BAD NEWS: I'm not sure if it was requirements of the job or not, but it tries to go large. I felt it lost some of that intimate, Hughes-ian dynamic.
GOOD NEWS: The beginning starts off with that intimate feel, and some of the best character work.
I think the scene below remained very real and intimate to me because it is focused on the space between the Professor and the students.
Who will realize what is going on first? Who will dare speak up first?
ex. "EXT. MEDFIELD COLLEGE. AFTERNOON
A pleasant, small town university. Brick buildings spangled with ivy, clipped lawns, mature trees overhanging quiet walks.
INT. LIFE DRAWING CLASS. CU. MODEL
From behind. Nude. ART STUDENTS are drawing.
INT. ART CLASSROOM. DOOR
The Professor walks into the classroom.
CU. MODEL
She looks over her shoulder with surprise.
HER POV
The Professor crosses to a still-life table. He removes an orange, a pheasant, and a bunch of grapes and places them on a desk beside the table. He sets his briefcase on the table.
PROFESSOR: Whoever brought me the orange, the pheasant, and the grapes, thank you.
INT. ART CLASSROOM. STUDENTS
They stare at Phillip with confusion.
CU. PROFESSOR
He clears his throat.
PROFESSOR: Last time we met, we were discussing the unstable and transient nature of supersaturated solutions.
He steps back from the table and puts his hands in his pockets.
INT. ART CLASSROOM. STUDENTS
They exchange puzzled looks.
CU. PROFESSOR
He grins warmly.
PROFESSOR: Stick with me, it's simple.
Something catches his eye. His smile fades. He snaps his fingers angrily.
PROFESSOR: Young lady! Shirt and shoes in my class, please.That's the rule.
CU. MODEL
The startled Model holds her robe to her chest and shoulders. She quickly puts on her slippers."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I found this script hard to believe.
(Perhaps it was because the important dilemma for everyone else (save or destroy the university) was not really important to the Professor?)
Absent Minded Professor/Flubber (1997)(early draft, 10/31/95)
by John Hughes
Based on a short story,"A Situation of Gravity," by Samuel W. Taylor
GOOD NEWS: I can tell John Hughes worked really, really hard on this script.
BAD NEWS: I'm not sure if it was requirements of the job or not, but it tries to go large. I felt it lost some of that intimate, Hughes-ian dynamic.
GOOD NEWS: The beginning starts off with that intimate feel, and some of the best character work.
I think the scene below remained very real and intimate to me because it is focused on the space between the Professor and the students.
Who will realize what is going on first? Who will dare speak up first?
ex. "EXT. MEDFIELD COLLEGE. AFTERNOON
A pleasant, small town university. Brick buildings spangled with ivy, clipped lawns, mature trees overhanging quiet walks.
INT. LIFE DRAWING CLASS. CU. MODEL
From behind. Nude. ART STUDENTS are drawing.
INT. ART CLASSROOM. DOOR
The Professor walks into the classroom.
CU. MODEL
She looks over her shoulder with surprise.
HER POV
The Professor crosses to a still-life table. He removes an orange, a pheasant, and a bunch of grapes and places them on a desk beside the table. He sets his briefcase on the table.
PROFESSOR: Whoever brought me the orange, the pheasant, and the grapes, thank you.
INT. ART CLASSROOM. STUDENTS
They stare at Phillip with confusion.
CU. PROFESSOR
He clears his throat.
PROFESSOR: Last time we met, we were discussing the unstable and transient nature of supersaturated solutions.
He steps back from the table and puts his hands in his pockets.
INT. ART CLASSROOM. STUDENTS
They exchange puzzled looks.
CU. PROFESSOR
He grins warmly.
PROFESSOR: Stick with me, it's simple.
Something catches his eye. His smile fades. He snaps his fingers angrily.
PROFESSOR: Young lady! Shirt and shoes in my class, please.That's the rule.
CU. MODEL
The startled Model holds her robe to her chest and shoulders. She quickly puts on her slippers."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I found this script hard to believe.
(Perhaps it was because the important dilemma for everyone else (save or destroy the university) was not really important to the Professor?)
Absent Minded Professor/Flubber (1997)(early draft, 10/31/95)
by John Hughes
Based on a short story,"A Situation of Gravity," by Samuel W. Taylor
Monday, May 27, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992) - Suspense Inside a Slapstick Routine
[Quick Summary: When 11 y.o. Kevin inadvertently gets on the wrong plane during the Christmas rush, he heads to NYC while his family is in Florida.]
I am not fond of sequels, unless they have something new to say.
This one does not. It is essentially a rehashing of the first film.*
However, I do appreciate John Hughes' excellent use of suspense within a slapstick routine.
In the example below, note:
- Hughes does not release the tension of suspense too soon.
- Marv must struggle with the cheesecloth, react to something odd, then the reveal.
ex. "INT. BASEMENT
Marv stands up from the collapsed shelving unit. He's covered in paint. He wipes his face with his sleeve. His eyes are stinging. He looks for something to clean his face with.
CU. PAINTER'S TARP
Marv grabs a piece of cheesecloth off the trp.
CU. MARV
He puts the cheesecloth to this face. It sticks. He tugs on the towel. It won't come off. He grips it firmly with both hands and gives a fierce pull. it tears free with a dreadful RIIIP!
He SCREAMS and clutches his face. He notices something. He feels his face. When he lowers his hands, he's missing his eyebrows, moustache and goatee. He looks at the towel.
INSERT: TOWEL
Two eyebrows, a moustache and a fluff of goatee stuck to the towel."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This script got me thinking that the much of the pleasure that I find in slapstick is the suspense and release.
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)(9/10/91, production draft B)
by John Hughes
*I understand why Home Alone got a sequel. From a business point of view, it had all the hallmarks of a good decision: public awareness, successful box office, etc.
As a writer, I can understand the reason(s) behind the decision even if I don't particularly like it.
I am not fond of sequels, unless they have something new to say.
This one does not. It is essentially a rehashing of the first film.*
However, I do appreciate John Hughes' excellent use of suspense within a slapstick routine.
In the example below, note:
- Hughes does not release the tension of suspense too soon.
- Marv must struggle with the cheesecloth, react to something odd, then the reveal.
ex. "INT. BASEMENT
Marv stands up from the collapsed shelving unit. He's covered in paint. He wipes his face with his sleeve. His eyes are stinging. He looks for something to clean his face with.
CU. PAINTER'S TARP
Marv grabs a piece of cheesecloth off the trp.
CU. MARV
He puts the cheesecloth to this face. It sticks. He tugs on the towel. It won't come off. He grips it firmly with both hands and gives a fierce pull. it tears free with a dreadful RIIIP!
He SCREAMS and clutches his face. He notices something. He feels his face. When he lowers his hands, he's missing his eyebrows, moustache and goatee. He looks at the towel.
INSERT: TOWEL
Two eyebrows, a moustache and a fluff of goatee stuck to the towel."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This script got me thinking that the much of the pleasure that I find in slapstick is the suspense and release.
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992)(9/10/91, production draft B)
by John Hughes
*I understand why Home Alone got a sequel. From a business point of view, it had all the hallmarks of a good decision: public awareness, successful box office, etc.
As a writer, I can understand the reason(s) behind the decision even if I don't particularly like it.
Monday, May 20, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Home Alone (1990) - Unified vs. Episodic; Using Compare & Contrast
[Quick Summary: When his family leave for Paris without him, seven year old Kevin defends his home against robbers and realizes that Christmas is lonely by oneself.]
MY TWO THOUGHTS:
1) UNIFIED vs. EPISODIC. I never quite realized how many simultaneous stories there are in this film:
- Kevin overcoming fears of being home, alone
- Kevin vs. Mr. Murphy
- Kevin vs. robbers
- Kevin's mom trying to get home
- Robbers in the neighborhood
All these stories revolve around one theme or linchpin: Kevin, his growing up, his need for connection and family.
I think that this is the reason that the stories are more unified (like spokes on the wheel around Kevin) than episodic (series of unrelated stories).
2) EXPRESSING INTERNAL FEELINGS. I noticed this scene below because:
a) I keenly felt Kevin's internal feelings, yet....
b) There is no defined protagonist on the outside.
How is it done? I think it's the cuts that help the audience compare and contrast the visible vs. the implied.
ex. "EXT. STREET - LATER - NIGHT
Kevin's walking home. It's dark. The street lights are on. Kevin is walking slowly. He's looking at the houses. [We see slow walking. This seems to imply Kevin is thinking, thoughtful.]
HIS POV - MOVING - NIGHT
A house with lights around the door, lights burning in big windows. People inside celebrating. Kids running around, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. It seems as if their excitement and joy was made int he extreme to emphasize Kevin's sorrow. [We unconsciously compare that there is one of Kevin vs. a group.]
CLOSE-UP KEVIN
Shuffling down the sidewalk, eyes on the house he's passing. He looks forward and stops suddenly. [Compare/contrast: Kevin is in the lonely dark. Family in the bright light.]
HIS POV
A young MAN and WOMAN, she carrying a baby, he loaded with gifts, walking from their car which is parked far down in a crowded driveway to the sidewalk of the house Kevin's watching. [Compare/contrast: Bonded family vs. solo Kevin. Imply loneliness.]
EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT
The young family continues up the walk to the house. Kevin stands at the foot of the walk, watching. CHURCH BELLS RING in the distance. [Compare/contrast: belonging vs. alone.]
CLOSE UP: KEVIN
Kevin's eyes are brimming with tears. As strong as he wants to be, it's too much for him. A tear falls. He wipes it away, only causing more to fall. [The previous scenes lead up to this moment. We see his sadness spill out.]
INT. HOUSE - NIGHT
Kevin's framed in the door of the holiday house and the young family passes off the baby and the gifts and takes off their coats. Great warmth and cheer. Christmas music is playing. Children are running wild, old men are laughing, grannies, are yakking. It's everything Kevin wants. He stands like a sobbing statue at the end of the walk, lit by a coach light, wiping tears from his cheeks with the back of his cold, bare hands. The door closes on him." [Because we see how he responds to external scenes, we are able experience his internal emotions of missing his own family.]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I think I was clued in more by Kevin's response to what he's seeing rather than what he is actually seeing.
Home Alone (1990)(1/17/90 shooting draft, with revisions)
by John Hughes
MY TWO THOUGHTS:
1) UNIFIED vs. EPISODIC. I never quite realized how many simultaneous stories there are in this film:
- Kevin overcoming fears of being home, alone
- Kevin vs. Mr. Murphy
- Kevin vs. robbers
- Kevin's mom trying to get home
- Robbers in the neighborhood
All these stories revolve around one theme or linchpin: Kevin, his growing up, his need for connection and family.
I think that this is the reason that the stories are more unified (like spokes on the wheel around Kevin) than episodic (series of unrelated stories).
2) EXPRESSING INTERNAL FEELINGS. I noticed this scene below because:
a) I keenly felt Kevin's internal feelings, yet....
b) There is no defined protagonist on the outside.
How is it done? I think it's the cuts that help the audience compare and contrast the visible vs. the implied.
ex. "EXT. STREET - LATER - NIGHT
Kevin's walking home. It's dark. The street lights are on. Kevin is walking slowly. He's looking at the houses. [We see slow walking. This seems to imply Kevin is thinking, thoughtful.]
HIS POV - MOVING - NIGHT
A house with lights around the door, lights burning in big windows. People inside celebrating. Kids running around, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. It seems as if their excitement and joy was made int he extreme to emphasize Kevin's sorrow. [We unconsciously compare that there is one of Kevin vs. a group.]
CLOSE-UP KEVIN
Shuffling down the sidewalk, eyes on the house he's passing. He looks forward and stops suddenly. [Compare/contrast: Kevin is in the lonely dark. Family in the bright light.]
HIS POV
A young MAN and WOMAN, she carrying a baby, he loaded with gifts, walking from their car which is parked far down in a crowded driveway to the sidewalk of the house Kevin's watching. [Compare/contrast: Bonded family vs. solo Kevin. Imply loneliness.]
EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT
The young family continues up the walk to the house. Kevin stands at the foot of the walk, watching. CHURCH BELLS RING in the distance. [Compare/contrast: belonging vs. alone.]
CLOSE UP: KEVIN
Kevin's eyes are brimming with tears. As strong as he wants to be, it's too much for him. A tear falls. He wipes it away, only causing more to fall. [The previous scenes lead up to this moment. We see his sadness spill out.]
INT. HOUSE - NIGHT
Kevin's framed in the door of the holiday house and the young family passes off the baby and the gifts and takes off their coats. Great warmth and cheer. Christmas music is playing. Children are running wild, old men are laughing, grannies, are yakking. It's everything Kevin wants. He stands like a sobbing statue at the end of the walk, lit by a coach light, wiping tears from his cheeks with the back of his cold, bare hands. The door closes on him." [Because we see how he responds to external scenes, we are able experience his internal emotions of missing his own family.]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I think I was clued in more by Kevin's response to what he's seeing rather than what he is actually seeing.
Home Alone (1990)(1/17/90 shooting draft, with revisions)
by John Hughes
Monday, May 13, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: She's Having a Baby (1988) - Portraying Lost & Confused
[Quick Summary: After 22 y.o. Jake gets married, he is lost and confused as he goes kicking and screaming into adulthood.]
How do you make the audience feel something?
I still don't know and desperately wish I did.
Meanwhile, let's study the scene below.
It made me feel as lost and confused as the protagonist Jake does.
I think it works because:
1) The scene is straightforward, i.e., groom and best man before the wedding.
2) There is a sad-happy mix jumbled together: joy, fear, anticipation, and dread.
ex. "JAKE AND DAVIS - EXT. CHURCH - DAY
....Jake looks at his watch. He tenses. Takes a deep breath.
JAKE: It's time.
Davis' smile drifts away. He drops his look to his shoes. Jake takes a deep breath. He sniffs back the beginnings of a full-on cry.
JAKE: Here I am on the verge of binding myself to Kristy for life and I've never felt so alone. Damn! I'm gonna cry.
Jake's angry at himself for losing control of his emotions. Davis looks at him. He's suffering as well but is better able to control it.
DAVIS: We can split. But you'd be back tomorrow. You know what, Jake? You know why you feel like crying? Because you love her and you want her and you know there's no way around it.
Jake looks at him puzzled.
DAVIS: You were married the minute you saw her. Sixteen years old and you were gone.
Jake cracks a smile.
DAVIS: This is your destiny, Mr. Dick. To be forever caught in the crossfire between your head and your heart.
He gives Jake an affectionate jab in the upper arm.
JAKE: You think I'll be happy? Honestly.
DAVIS: You want to be a writer. you want to be a husband. Maybe it'll work. Who knows. Yeah, you'll be happy. You just won't know it.
JAKE'S VOICE: Never before and never again did he nail a moment more firmly than that afternoon. He's not all that wise. He just knew his subject matter very, very well..
DAVIS: This is the last time I'm gonna say it. You don't have to go through with this. You can walk. Say the word and we're outta here.
Davis' remark arouses the coward in Jake. He hesitates. He looks at the church and momentarily flirts with flight."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I think Jake's jumble of emotions is easier to follow because the scene is fairly simple.
Too many twisty plots + Too many twisty emotions = Hard to follow.
She's Having a Baby (1988)(shooting draft, 9/7/86, w/revisions)
Written and directed by John Hughes
How do you make the audience feel something?
I still don't know and desperately wish I did.
Meanwhile, let's study the scene below.
It made me feel as lost and confused as the protagonist Jake does.
I think it works because:
1) The scene is straightforward, i.e., groom and best man before the wedding.
2) There is a sad-happy mix jumbled together: joy, fear, anticipation, and dread.
ex. "JAKE AND DAVIS - EXT. CHURCH - DAY
....Jake looks at his watch. He tenses. Takes a deep breath.
JAKE: It's time.
Davis' smile drifts away. He drops his look to his shoes. Jake takes a deep breath. He sniffs back the beginnings of a full-on cry.
JAKE: Here I am on the verge of binding myself to Kristy for life and I've never felt so alone. Damn! I'm gonna cry.
Jake's angry at himself for losing control of his emotions. Davis looks at him. He's suffering as well but is better able to control it.
DAVIS: We can split. But you'd be back tomorrow. You know what, Jake? You know why you feel like crying? Because you love her and you want her and you know there's no way around it.
Jake looks at him puzzled.
DAVIS: You were married the minute you saw her. Sixteen years old and you were gone.
Jake cracks a smile.
DAVIS: This is your destiny, Mr. Dick. To be forever caught in the crossfire between your head and your heart.
He gives Jake an affectionate jab in the upper arm.
JAKE: You think I'll be happy? Honestly.
DAVIS: You want to be a writer. you want to be a husband. Maybe it'll work. Who knows. Yeah, you'll be happy. You just won't know it.
JAKE'S VOICE: Never before and never again did he nail a moment more firmly than that afternoon. He's not all that wise. He just knew his subject matter very, very well..
DAVIS: This is the last time I'm gonna say it. You don't have to go through with this. You can walk. Say the word and we're outta here.
Davis' remark arouses the coward in Jake. He hesitates. He looks at the church and momentarily flirts with flight."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I think Jake's jumble of emotions is easier to follow because the scene is fairly simple.
Too many twisty plots + Too many twisty emotions = Hard to follow.
She's Having a Baby (1988)(shooting draft, 9/7/86, w/revisions)
Written and directed by John Hughes
Monday, May 6, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Some Kind of Wonderful (1987) - Stumbling, Failing, & Making Bad Choices
[Quick Summary: A quiet, artistic high school senior asks out the most beautiful girl at school, upsetting her ex-boyfriend and his friend who is a girl.]
WHAT: I read an old tweet by Eric Heisserer (full tweetstorm here):
WHY: Roger Ebert explains:
NOTES FOR THE EXAMPLE BELOW:
- When not in school, Keith works 20 hrs/wk at a gas station/car repair.
- Back in the day, a "full service" gas station attendant would pump your gas for you and check your oil.
- Hardy has pulled his car into the gas station, humiliated Keith in front of Amanda, and has just driven off.
- The interesting thing is not that Keith is fixated on Amanda, but WHY. Watch how talking with Drummer Girl starts to unearth faulty beliefs about himself.
ex. "INT. REPAIR BAY
Drummer Girl's seen everything. She'd like to kill Hardy. And possibly Amanda. Keith walks in.
DRUMMER GIRL: Keith? I watched that. It was sick. If that isn't the raw, bleeding truth about Amanda Jones, I don't know what is. You gotta forget her.
KEITH (defensive): It wasn't her. She didn't give me any shit.
DRUMMER GIRL: Why is she so important to you?
KEITH: Can't you stay out of it? You don't understand it. I can't explain it. I'm going nowhere and I'm going all alone.
DRUMMER GIRL: What about me?
CU. KEITH
He sighs.
KEITH: You're a friend. This is something else.
CU. DRUMMER GIRL
A slow, sad exhale. She nods. Not what she wanted to hear.
DRUMMER GIRL: Okay. (abrupt change of subject) Next time that jerk comes here, you better not be so quick to serve him. Let him check his own oil. You're not his slave.
INT. GARAGE
Keith smiles. He reaches around behind him. He pulls Hardy's dipstick out of his belt. He smiles and tosses it in the trash. He picks up his tool and goes back to work under the Benz."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I also liked what Ebert wrote: This could've been a "standard Hughes teenager film," but "Hughes always gives his characters the right to be real."
Some Kind of Wonderful (1987)(undated draft)
Written and directed by John Hughes
WHAT: I read an old tweet by Eric Heisserer (full tweetstorm here):
Can we start to bring back action heroes who fail, lose fights, struggle with real issues, etc.? It can still be escapist action, too!WHERE: Where are these heroes? In scripts like Some Kind of Wonderful.
WHY: Roger Ebert explains:
Hardly ever do we get an American movie about adults who are attempting to know themselves better, live better lives, get along more happily with the people around them. Most American movies are about the giving and receiving of violent pain. That's why I look forward to John Hughes's films about American teenagers. His films are almost always about the problems of growing up and becoming a more complete person.....
[I]t is not about whether the hero will get the girl. It is about whether the hero should get the girl, and when was the last time you saw a movie that even knew that could be the question? (emphasis mine)HOW: How to do this? By characters stumbling, failing, and making bad choices, which exposes deeper issues or beliefs.
NOTES FOR THE EXAMPLE BELOW:
- When not in school, Keith works 20 hrs/wk at a gas station/car repair.
- Back in the day, a "full service" gas station attendant would pump your gas for you and check your oil.
- Hardy has pulled his car into the gas station, humiliated Keith in front of Amanda, and has just driven off.
- The interesting thing is not that Keith is fixated on Amanda, but WHY. Watch how talking with Drummer Girl starts to unearth faulty beliefs about himself.
ex. "INT. REPAIR BAY
Drummer Girl's seen everything. She'd like to kill Hardy. And possibly Amanda. Keith walks in.
DRUMMER GIRL: Keith? I watched that. It was sick. If that isn't the raw, bleeding truth about Amanda Jones, I don't know what is. You gotta forget her.
KEITH (defensive): It wasn't her. She didn't give me any shit.
DRUMMER GIRL: Why is she so important to you?
KEITH: Can't you stay out of it? You don't understand it. I can't explain it. I'm going nowhere and I'm going all alone.
DRUMMER GIRL: What about me?
CU. KEITH
He sighs.
KEITH: You're a friend. This is something else.
CU. DRUMMER GIRL
A slow, sad exhale. She nods. Not what she wanted to hear.
DRUMMER GIRL: Okay. (abrupt change of subject) Next time that jerk comes here, you better not be so quick to serve him. Let him check his own oil. You're not his slave.
INT. GARAGE
Keith smiles. He reaches around behind him. He pulls Hardy's dipstick out of his belt. He smiles and tosses it in the trash. He picks up his tool and goes back to work under the Benz."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I also liked what Ebert wrote: This could've been a "standard Hughes teenager film," but "Hughes always gives his characters the right to be real."
Some Kind of Wonderful (1987)(undated draft)
Written and directed by John Hughes
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