[Quick Summary: Parallel stories of five couples arriving at the Beverly Hills Hotel.]
This was the best FIRST TWO PAGES that I've enjoyed in a very long time.
The script sets us up for a good screwball comedy because its structure lends itself to great conflict:
1) The characters are opposites, and
2) Diana does the unexpected thing.
ex. "INT. PLANE
At the controls is an hysterical YOUNG MAN. He is screaming at the top of his lungs. Next to him, looking cool and radiant, is DIANA BARRIE, quite English and quite collected. In fact, she is powdering her nose. [Afraid vs. calm]
YOUNG MAN (screaming): ...Where's the airport?... There's no airport!! Look for an airport. [Afraid]
DIANA (coolly): Oh, don't make such a fuss. Just put it down among the cacti. [Calm. It is not the expected response.]
YOUNG MAN (shouting, barely able to control it): What do you mean, just put it down? I'm lucky I can keep it up. I told you I never flew before. [Panicking]
DIANA: Don't shout at me. I'm a first class passenger. [Offended. Leads us to believe that she knows little about planes.]
YOUNG MAN: You're a first class Lunatic!...It's all over, Wendy. Our relationship has about a quarter of a gallon to go. [Funny line about relationships.]
DIANA: Yes, but you do love me, Harold? I know it's an awkward time to bring it up, but I must know...for our future. [An important question at an inappropriate time.]
EXT. PLANE
The plane suddenly goes into a dive. Harold SCREAMS. [Afraid still]
POV OF EARTH SPINNING
HAROLD (O.S.): If you like short romances, yes... I love you!!! [No longer emotionally afraid]
EXT. PLANE
suddenly the plane pulls out of its dive.
INT. PLANE (PROCESS)
Diana is handling the controls...
DIANA: I'm so glad. Unrequited love is such a bore. [She pulls a rabbit out of a hat and confounds our expectations.]
He looks at her in utter amazement.
HAROLD: You -- you can fly?
DIANA: Well, it's not all that difficult. It's like making love...You just have to know what to touch! [She gets the punch line too.]
She lowers her lids and smiles at him and banks the plane.
EXT. PLANE - CREDITS
The plane banks into the horizon and flies off...into the sunset.
INT. 747 CABIN
We PULL BACK AND DISCOVER we have just been watching a film on the screen in the cabin of a superjet... The credits of the film we just saw start to come up as the window shades are raised in the cabin and the bright California sunlight shoots through. We SEE the final starring credits...James Coburn and Diana Barrie starred." [Another surprise: This was all a movie.]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Since screwball comedy leans heavily on conflict, it is important to choose the right one, preferably one that cannot be resolved too quickly.
California Suite (1978)(final draft, revisions (Mar., 1978))
by Neil Simon
Adapted from his play
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