[Quick Summary: In 1943, two competitive sisters try out for the first women's baseball league.]
The only thing I knew about this script was what I'd seen in the movie trailers.
I'm glad that I did not know too much, and was pleasantly surprised by:
1) The team manager character. In the trailer, he is exasperated but lovable. In the script, he is depressed that this is the only job he can get and is more layered.
2) The sisters dynamic. These are sisters who love each other but need their own space. It's refreshing to see they don't hate each other, just need different things.
I really like how the writers do not shy away from this tension, even though it is a bittersweet thing.
The scene below is from early in the script (p. 11). The sisters have just played a game for fun. Mitch Swaley has just asked Kit out. They are walking home.
Notice the up & down tension of "She's-my-sister-and-my-competitor."
ex. "EXT. FARM - LATE AFTERNOON
...DOTTIE: You were really gonna go with him?
KIT: Hey, all the good guys are gone. We can't all be lucky enough to have married Private Bob. America's secret weapon...I'm sorry. That last pitch was right down the middle. If I'd have swung at that I'd have been the hero. But you got me so crazy. [Jealousy]
DOTTIE: All I said was "Lay off the high ones."[Defensive]
KIT (dumb voice): "Good thing your sister bailed you out Kit, why don't you get your sister to teach you how to hit?" "Hey, Kit how come you're not beautiful like your sister?" [Comparison]
DOTTIE: What idiot said that?
KIT: No one, but I know they're thinking it. [Low self-esteem]
DOTTIE: They are not. [My sister the defender]
KIT: No? you ever hear Mom or Dad introduce us to people. This is our daughter Dottie. This is our other daughter -- Dottie's sister. They should've just had you and bought a dog. [Comparison]
DOTTIE (teasing): Mitch Swaley likes you. [Cheerleader]
KIT: Mitch Swaley's one step up from dating pigs. [Acknowledges she is right]
DOTTIE (laughs): But an important step. [Acknowledges she is right]
Kit's walking fast
DOTTIE (CONT'D): Why are you walking so fast? [Competitive]
KIT: Why are you? [Competitive]
DOTTIE: Cause you are." [Competitive]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was surprised that I was ok that the sisters aren't totally best friends by the end of the story.
I think it is because I know that these are two very different people, even on p. 11.
A League of Their Own (1992)(final shooting script, 6/7/91, w/revisions)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Monday, July 29, 2019
Monday, July 22, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Spies Like Us (1985) - Not the Words, But the Telling
[Quick Summary: Two inept government employees are recruited for a Defense Department mission, not knowing that they are merely decoys.]
Over the years, I've grappled with the idea of a screenplay as a blueprint, a map, or "written to be shot." What does it mean?
Then I heard an explanation from writer Paul Schrader that made sense:
As an example, I thought the plot for this script was so-so, but the telling of how these two protagonists cheat on a civil service test is great.
Note that the words below state "how they cheated", but it is really the telling of "how they bonded."
ex. "INT. EXAMINATION ROOM - DAY
... Fitz-Hume copies the answer and then the two of them begin ever-escalating series of collaborative maneuvers, signaling page number, answers, multiple choices, etc. via an elaborate set of clandestine pantomimes and sign langues, always checking the Monitor to be sure they're unobserved. Fitz-Hume boldly pulls his patch from his eye. Catches an answer written inside. He lets it snap back. He reads from the bandage on his arm. He takes off his shoes, flips them over to read answers written on the soles.
They are still desperate. Fitz-Hume thinks a minute and decides, "What the hell."
FITZ-HUME (screams): Oh, my God! The pressure! The stress! I can't stand it!
He stands up.
FITZ-HUME (continuing): It's inhuman! I --
He starts to gasp and roll his eyes. His tongue sticks out. He begins to stagger.
FITZ-HUME (continuing): My heart!...Heart attack! Attack of the heart!
He careens around the room. As he does he takes the opportunity to look at everyone's test paper. He clutches a couple and staggers around, reading them. Finally, he collapses to the floor. Millbarge jumps in.
MILLBARGE: Stand back. I'm a trained cardiologist. He needs air. Let me fan him.
He grabs another applicant's test paper and fans him, reading it all the while.
MILLBARGE (continuing): I said stand back. Maybe you should all go out of the room.
CLOSE ANGLE - THE EXAM MONITOR - DAY
She's not dumb. She reaches under her desk and presses a concealed button."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: It seems so easy: Scripts that are told well are fun to read.
It took me an embarrassing amount of time to realize that no one can teach you how to tell a story...except by reading lots of stories.
Spies Like Us (1985)(rev. draft, 10/19/84)
Story by Dan Aykroyd & Dave Thomas
by Dan Aykroyd and Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Over the years, I've grappled with the idea of a screenplay as a blueprint, a map, or "written to be shot." What does it mean?
Then I heard an explanation from writer Paul Schrader that made sense:
What I tell young writers is don't confuse screenwriting with writing. Screenwriting is part of the oral tradition. It is not part of the literary tradition. You have to tell your story. It's not about the words, it's about the telling. (underline mine)So screenwriting is not about really about the words, but use of words for the telling! (Or, as screenwriter Eric Roth said, a "bastardized form.")
As an example, I thought the plot for this script was so-so, but the telling of how these two protagonists cheat on a civil service test is great.
Note that the words below state "how they cheated", but it is really the telling of "how they bonded."
ex. "INT. EXAMINATION ROOM - DAY
... Fitz-Hume copies the answer and then the two of them begin ever-escalating series of collaborative maneuvers, signaling page number, answers, multiple choices, etc. via an elaborate set of clandestine pantomimes and sign langues, always checking the Monitor to be sure they're unobserved. Fitz-Hume boldly pulls his patch from his eye. Catches an answer written inside. He lets it snap back. He reads from the bandage on his arm. He takes off his shoes, flips them over to read answers written on the soles.
They are still desperate. Fitz-Hume thinks a minute and decides, "What the hell."
FITZ-HUME (screams): Oh, my God! The pressure! The stress! I can't stand it!
He stands up.
FITZ-HUME (continuing): It's inhuman! I --
He starts to gasp and roll his eyes. His tongue sticks out. He begins to stagger.
FITZ-HUME (continuing): My heart!...Heart attack! Attack of the heart!
He careens around the room. As he does he takes the opportunity to look at everyone's test paper. He clutches a couple and staggers around, reading them. Finally, he collapses to the floor. Millbarge jumps in.
MILLBARGE: Stand back. I'm a trained cardiologist. He needs air. Let me fan him.
He grabs another applicant's test paper and fans him, reading it all the while.
MILLBARGE (continuing): I said stand back. Maybe you should all go out of the room.
CLOSE ANGLE - THE EXAM MONITOR - DAY
She's not dumb. She reaches under her desk and presses a concealed button."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: It seems so easy: Scripts that are told well are fun to read.
It took me an embarrassing amount of time to realize that no one can teach you how to tell a story...except by reading lots of stories.
Spies Like Us (1985)(rev. draft, 10/19/84)
Story by Dan Aykroyd & Dave Thomas
by Dan Aykroyd and Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Monday, July 15, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Splash (1984) - Laying Out the Internal Conflict, But Funny
[Quick Summary: A cranky lovelorn produce salesman falls in love with a mysterious stranger who is a mermaid.]
I really like this script for a few reasons:
1) It is rare that a comedy is this solid or this good.
2) It is very rare that a comedy at all is OSCAR NOMINATED. This one deserves it.
3) It has an unusual structure: The antagonist (a scientist) chases the protagonists (Alan & Madison) throughout the whole story, but they don't meet until Act 3.
4) It has a cheeky first line: (It works here but not everywhere.)
ex. "EXT. OFF THE NEW ENGLAND COAST - TWENTY YEARS AGO - DUSK
We know it's twenty years ago, because WE WRITE ON THE SCREEN "TWENTY YEARS AGO," thereby leaving little doubt."
5) It takes the time to lay out Alan's internal conflict and in a funny way.
In the scene below:
- Alan is an usher at his friend Jerry's wedding.
- Freddie is Alan's brother.
- Victoria, Alan's girlfriend, has just dumped Alan.
- Alan is conflicted: lonely, embarrassed, and defensive that Victoria left him.
ex. "INT. CHURCH - A FEW MINUTES LATER
Alan is in the aisle, ushering. Freddie is next to him.
ALAN: There's got to be something wrong with me. (to passing guests) Anywhere, but the first three rows.
GUEST #1: Hey, Freddie, Alan. Where's Victoria?
ALAN: She's uh...sick. (to Freddie) Why didn't I love her? She was bright, sensitive, beautiful.
GUEST: #2: Hey, Alan. Where's Victoria?
ALAN: Flu. Bad flu. Very sick.
GUEST #2: Give her my love.
ALAN: Sure. (to Freddie) I can't even give her my love. I'm serious, Freddie. (points to his heart) Something in here's not working.
FREDDIE: There are worse organs to not be working.
GUEST #3: Hi, guys. Hey, Alan, where's that pretty girl of yours?
ALAN (getting annoyed): She's not coming, okay? You want your money back?
The guest walks off, confused.
ALAN (continuing to Freddie): I don't know. Maybe it's all for the best.
GUEST #4: Hey, Alan --
ALAN (loud): She left me, all right?! She moved out. My life is a shambles. Okay? You got the news, you want the weather. (to someone else, surly) Anywhere, but the first three rows."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Ganz & Mandel scripts are built well. I like that they get to the point, but aren't afraid to lay pipe when needed.
I also like that the humor comes from internal character (Alan is trying to juggle multiple emotions) rather than the external situation (Alan is unhappily single at a happy event.)
Splash (1984)(2nd draft, 2/1/83)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Story by Brian Grazer
I really like this script for a few reasons:
1) It is rare that a comedy is this solid or this good.
2) It is very rare that a comedy at all is OSCAR NOMINATED. This one deserves it.
3) It has an unusual structure: The antagonist (a scientist) chases the protagonists (Alan & Madison) throughout the whole story, but they don't meet until Act 3.
4) It has a cheeky first line: (It works here but not everywhere.)
ex. "EXT. OFF THE NEW ENGLAND COAST - TWENTY YEARS AGO - DUSK
We know it's twenty years ago, because WE WRITE ON THE SCREEN "TWENTY YEARS AGO," thereby leaving little doubt."
5) It takes the time to lay out Alan's internal conflict and in a funny way.
In the scene below:
- Alan is an usher at his friend Jerry's wedding.
- Freddie is Alan's brother.
- Victoria, Alan's girlfriend, has just dumped Alan.
- Alan is conflicted: lonely, embarrassed, and defensive that Victoria left him.
ex. "INT. CHURCH - A FEW MINUTES LATER
Alan is in the aisle, ushering. Freddie is next to him.
ALAN: There's got to be something wrong with me. (to passing guests) Anywhere, but the first three rows.
GUEST #1: Hey, Freddie, Alan. Where's Victoria?
ALAN: She's uh...sick. (to Freddie) Why didn't I love her? She was bright, sensitive, beautiful.
GUEST: #2: Hey, Alan. Where's Victoria?
ALAN: Flu. Bad flu. Very sick.
GUEST #2: Give her my love.
ALAN: Sure. (to Freddie) I can't even give her my love. I'm serious, Freddie. (points to his heart) Something in here's not working.
FREDDIE: There are worse organs to not be working.
GUEST #3: Hi, guys. Hey, Alan, where's that pretty girl of yours?
ALAN (getting annoyed): She's not coming, okay? You want your money back?
The guest walks off, confused.
ALAN (continuing to Freddie): I don't know. Maybe it's all for the best.
GUEST #4: Hey, Alan --
ALAN (loud): She left me, all right?! She moved out. My life is a shambles. Okay? You got the news, you want the weather. (to someone else, surly) Anywhere, but the first three rows."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Ganz & Mandel scripts are built well. I like that they get to the point, but aren't afraid to lay pipe when needed.
I also like that the humor comes from internal character (Alan is trying to juggle multiple emotions) rather than the external situation (Alan is unhappily single at a happy event.)
Splash (1984)(2nd draft, 2/1/83)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Story by Brian Grazer
Monday, July 8, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Night Shift (1982) - Lacking Story? Then Face Your Flaw
[Quick Summary: A timid morgue night employee is talked into using the morgue as an office for prostitutes, but then competing pimps come after him.]
I never knew about Ganz & Mandel until I watched these interviews.
They both started out writing for tv shows, including the popular show Happy Days.* This is their first feature film.
I think one strong hallmark of a Ganz & Mandel script is that is there is a story rather than just a situation.**
Story = The protagonist must face his/her own flaw, often resulting in an arc.
Situation = Series of events. Flaw and arc are not important.
In the scene below:
- Chuck is the protagonist and is engaged to Charlotte.
- Vivian is Chuck's mother. Edward and Rose are Charlotte's parents.
- They were all at dinner when Belinda, Chuck's neighbor and a prostitute, called him to bail her out of jail. They are now returning from court.
- FLAW: Chuck lets everyone push him around.
- Notice the structure of the scene: No one will let Chuck speak in this car (or in his life). He must do it now or else he is doomed. This is Chuck's a-ha! moment.
ex. "INT. KOOGLE'S RENTED CAR - LATER THAT NIGHT
Edward and Rose are in the front. Rose has her head out the window. Chuck is seated in the back between Vivian and Charlotte. Everyone is distraught.
EDWARD: You know what really steams my beans? They just let that strumpet right back out on the streets!
CHARLOTTE (to Chuck): You're moving out of that building.
VIVIAN: Absolutely.
CHUCK (softly): Wait a minute --
VIVIAN: You stay out of it. (to Charlotte) Let me tell you something. When you get married you have to handle him the way I handled his father.
There's a big bump in the road. Everyone flies up.
EDWARD: Potholes! You all right, Rose?
We hear Rose moaning. We PUSH IN TIGHT on Chuck. He's not speaking but clearly he's listening to every word and weighing them carefully.
VIVIAN: If it wasn't for me, his father would've done any old thing he pleased. You know what he wanted to do? Make furniture by hand! Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Koogle, I straightened out Al, and together we'll all straighten out Chuck.
They hit another bump and go flying.
EDWARD (O.S.): You all right, Rose?
She moans."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I thought the scene above fit perfectly with Chuck's flaw.
The structure and the visuals are all great setups. They all are forcing Chuck to take proactive action in the next scene.
Night Shift (1982)(3rd draft, 7/20/81)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
*Happy Days featured actor Ron Howard who was to become the future director of Night Shift. Ganz & Mandel would go on to write several films for Howard.
** The Problem with 99% of Screenplays (aka Fat Tootsie Syndrome) does a nice job of explaining story vs. situation and the need for a character to have a flaw.
I never knew about Ganz & Mandel until I watched these interviews.
They both started out writing for tv shows, including the popular show Happy Days.* This is their first feature film.
I think one strong hallmark of a Ganz & Mandel script is that is there is a story rather than just a situation.**
Story = The protagonist must face his/her own flaw, often resulting in an arc.
Situation = Series of events. Flaw and arc are not important.
In the scene below:
- Chuck is the protagonist and is engaged to Charlotte.
- Vivian is Chuck's mother. Edward and Rose are Charlotte's parents.
- They were all at dinner when Belinda, Chuck's neighbor and a prostitute, called him to bail her out of jail. They are now returning from court.
- FLAW: Chuck lets everyone push him around.
- Notice the structure of the scene: No one will let Chuck speak in this car (or in his life). He must do it now or else he is doomed. This is Chuck's a-ha! moment.
ex. "INT. KOOGLE'S RENTED CAR - LATER THAT NIGHT
Edward and Rose are in the front. Rose has her head out the window. Chuck is seated in the back between Vivian and Charlotte. Everyone is distraught.
EDWARD: You know what really steams my beans? They just let that strumpet right back out on the streets!
CHARLOTTE (to Chuck): You're moving out of that building.
VIVIAN: Absolutely.
CHUCK (softly): Wait a minute --
VIVIAN: You stay out of it. (to Charlotte) Let me tell you something. When you get married you have to handle him the way I handled his father.
There's a big bump in the road. Everyone flies up.
EDWARD: Potholes! You all right, Rose?
We hear Rose moaning. We PUSH IN TIGHT on Chuck. He's not speaking but clearly he's listening to every word and weighing them carefully.
VIVIAN: If it wasn't for me, his father would've done any old thing he pleased. You know what he wanted to do? Make furniture by hand! Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Koogle, I straightened out Al, and together we'll all straighten out Chuck.
They hit another bump and go flying.
EDWARD (O.S.): You all right, Rose?
She moans."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I thought the scene above fit perfectly with Chuck's flaw.
The structure and the visuals are all great setups. They all are forcing Chuck to take proactive action in the next scene.
Night Shift (1982)(3rd draft, 7/20/81)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
*Happy Days featured actor Ron Howard who was to become the future director of Night Shift. Ganz & Mandel would go on to write several films for Howard.
** The Problem with 99% of Screenplays (aka Fat Tootsie Syndrome) does a nice job of explaining story vs. situation and the need for a character to have a flaw.
Monday, July 1, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Peeping Tom (1960) - It Does Not Let You Off the Hook
[Quick Summary: A young focus puller/ photographer/ director wannabe is an underground serial killer who is trying to capture the moment of death from fear.]
THREE THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS SCRIPT:
1) It's one of the best psychological horror/thriller scripts that I've read. It is 60 y.o., yet still relevant, still could be made today, still has something to say.
2) It's risky. The critics' and public's response to this film essentially ended director Michael Powell's career in England.* **
3) It does not let you off the hook. I liked that the script does not try to explain away Mark's murdering instinct or soften the blow of his decisions.
Yes, Mark is a loner, socially awkward, driven, and probably was harmed by his scientific father's psychological experiments.
However, he does not make excuses for himself and takes responsibility for his actions. What a dilemma! Do I root for or against him?
In the scene below, note:
- Helen is a neighbor and possibly the first girl to show interest in Mark.
- Their rapport makes me hope that Mark could change, but his "better be soon" tells me that he knows that he will be facing consequences soon.
- This scene is so bittersweet and tragic, yet does not veer from Mark's goal.
ex. "INT. MARK'S SITTING ROOM - EVENING
...HELEN: I'll tell you that too - but, Mark...this is the problem...The children who read the book will want to see the pictures the camera takes - but the publishers say they're impossible to photograph, and suggest drawings...but I don't agree.
MARK: No - nothing's impossible.
HELEN: was hoping you'd say that! There must be photographs - however difficult to take - and I was wondering, Mark - if you'd...
MARK: Oh yes.
HELEN: discuss it with me.
MARK: take them.
HELEN: Mark - I can't ask you to do that...
They have cancelled his Oscar.
HELEN (cont'd): I mean...the publisher's mightn't agree.
MARK: I'd take them...for you.
HELEN: Yes but...the money.
MARK: There are some things...which I photograph...for nothing.
HELEN: I didn't mean to offend you.
MARK: Offend?
CLOSE SHOT of Mark.
MARK (cont'd): Helen...if you knew what it meant...for something to happen to me...that I don't have to make happen...it's like...you've given me a twenty-first birthday...
CLOSE SHOT of Helen looking at him...
MARK (cont'd): What does your camera photograph?
HELEN: Mark - I must go...I just wanted to know...if you'd talk it over with me.
MARK: When please?
HELEN: That's up to you.
MARK: Helen...I don't know much about...dinner out...but would you come with me?
HELEN: Thank you.
MARK: Thank you.
HELEN: When?
MARK: Oh...
HELEN: What's the matter?
MARK: It had better be soon...
HELEN: Are you going away?
MARK: Almost for certain!...
HELEN: Oh...well you suggest when.
MARK: Are you free...tomorrow night?
HELEN: Yes."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I admire this script for having something to say and sticking with it.
Peeping Tom (1960)(shooting draft, 1959)
by Leo Marks
*Why did critics and the public hate it so? I think because it didn't allow the audience to lurk anonymously in the dark, but implicated us in the voyeurism of the title character.
**Powell was the well regarded director of The Red Shoes (1948), Tales of Hoffman (1951), etc. He was the husband of Thelma Schoonmaker, Martin Scorsese's editor.
THREE THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS SCRIPT:
1) It's one of the best psychological horror/thriller scripts that I've read. It is 60 y.o., yet still relevant, still could be made today, still has something to say.
2) It's risky. The critics' and public's response to this film essentially ended director Michael Powell's career in England.* **
3) It does not let you off the hook. I liked that the script does not try to explain away Mark's murdering instinct or soften the blow of his decisions.
Yes, Mark is a loner, socially awkward, driven, and probably was harmed by his scientific father's psychological experiments.
However, he does not make excuses for himself and takes responsibility for his actions. What a dilemma! Do I root for or against him?
In the scene below, note:
- Helen is a neighbor and possibly the first girl to show interest in Mark.
- Their rapport makes me hope that Mark could change, but his "better be soon" tells me that he knows that he will be facing consequences soon.
- This scene is so bittersweet and tragic, yet does not veer from Mark's goal.
ex. "INT. MARK'S SITTING ROOM - EVENING
...HELEN: I'll tell you that too - but, Mark...this is the problem...The children who read the book will want to see the pictures the camera takes - but the publishers say they're impossible to photograph, and suggest drawings...but I don't agree.
MARK: No - nothing's impossible.
HELEN: was hoping you'd say that! There must be photographs - however difficult to take - and I was wondering, Mark - if you'd...
MARK: Oh yes.
HELEN: discuss it with me.
MARK: take them.
HELEN: Mark - I can't ask you to do that...
They have cancelled his Oscar.
HELEN (cont'd): I mean...the publisher's mightn't agree.
MARK: I'd take them...for you.
HELEN: Yes but...the money.
MARK: There are some things...which I photograph...for nothing.
HELEN: I didn't mean to offend you.
MARK: Offend?
CLOSE SHOT of Mark.
MARK (cont'd): Helen...if you knew what it meant...for something to happen to me...that I don't have to make happen...it's like...you've given me a twenty-first birthday...
CLOSE SHOT of Helen looking at him...
MARK (cont'd): What does your camera photograph?
HELEN: Mark - I must go...I just wanted to know...if you'd talk it over with me.
MARK: When please?
HELEN: That's up to you.
MARK: Helen...I don't know much about...dinner out...but would you come with me?
HELEN: Thank you.
MARK: Thank you.
HELEN: When?
MARK: Oh...
HELEN: What's the matter?
MARK: It had better be soon...
HELEN: Are you going away?
MARK: Almost for certain!...
HELEN: Oh...well you suggest when.
MARK: Are you free...tomorrow night?
HELEN: Yes."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I admire this script for having something to say and sticking with it.
Peeping Tom (1960)(shooting draft, 1959)
by Leo Marks
*Why did critics and the public hate it so? I think because it didn't allow the audience to lurk anonymously in the dark, but implicated us in the voyeurism of the title character.
**Powell was the well regarded director of The Red Shoes (1948), Tales of Hoffman (1951), etc. He was the husband of Thelma Schoonmaker, Martin Scorsese's editor.
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