TODAY'S NUGGET: Ronin (1998) - One Key to Seeing Past the Bad Writing to the Good Story

[Quick Summary: In Nice, France, a group of double-crossed mercenaries hunt down the traitor.]

Is there a big difference between bad writing and bad story? Yes.

How long does it take to figure out they are not the same? A LONG, LONG time.

What is the reason?  It is hard to understand the mechanics of WHY a story works.  It is much easier to fix one (writing), than the other (story).

For example, the narratives in this script were often overwritten and gun-happy:

The movie is essentially bereft of a plot. There's an explanation at the end, but it's arbitrary and unnecessary.

So why is the story still good?  For me, it was the emotional stakes.  Also:

“Ronin” is really about characters, locations and behavior.

As you read the two scenes below, try to ignore the length and amount of detail.  

Instead, pay attention to the flow from one scene to the next, i.e., how Deirdre behaves on the street ---> Watcher cleaning nails above. 

EXT. BACK OUTSIDE - SAME TIME.

The PAY PHONE makes a sharp noise as it's cracked back into the cradle. Deirdre stands at the phone booth, lost in thought. Then, without warning - Deirdre spins around, pulling TWO GUNS from inside her coat. The move is fast, performed with the grace of a professional killer, as Deirdre scans the horizon, but nobody seems to be watching. Deirdre  pockets her guns and steps into the shadows of the street, the better to watch -

THE BAR - And as Deirdre watches the bar we watch her.
PULLING BACK from Deirdre, UP INTO THE AIR and then MOVING THROUGH TO - 

INT. A CHEAP APARTMENT - SAME TIME

LOOKING THROUGH A WINDOW, down onto the street below. Barely visible we can see Deirdre. And staring at Deirdre - THE WATCHER. Somebody we're going to see periodically through the movie. Right now he's only a SILHOUETTE with a well-defined PAIR OF HANDS. And in those hands - A KNIFE. As the Watcher watches he slowly cleans his nails with the knife, methodically, perfectly. And he watches. First Deirdre, and then turning his attention to THE BAR. He's especially interested in the bar.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: What someone does and why (behavior and motive) are more compelling to watch than another twist of plot.

Ronin (1998)(5/20/97 draft)
by David Mamet (screenplay) and J.D. Zeik (story)