TODAY'S NUGGET: They Went That-A-Way & That-A-Away (1978) - Choreographing The Pie Fight (Slapstick)

[Quick Summary: Goofy undercover cops Dewey and Wallace are sent to prison to ferret out the location of hidden money, but Duke and his gang want it first.]

Tim Conway was one of the reasons I loved "The Carol Burnett Show" on tv.  His comedy, both verbal and slapstick, would crack up his fellow actors on live tv.*

I saw the original of this script (donated to his alma mater), complete with his handwritten changes and revised blue pages.

Like other slapstick heavy comedies,** the descriptions are long because they are showing action and reaction movements, i,e, choreography.

Note in the sample scene below:
- It was written during production, all on a blue revised page.
- In the prior scene, Dewey and Wallace have broken out of prison, kidnapped a bunch of passengers to use their cars, and arrived at the new Governor's house, uninvited. 
- Only the old Governor knew of their undercover work.
- They are being pursued by Duke and his gang, and the warden (Gunnar).
- The Governor is hosting a dinner for the Japanese ambassador. 
- Dewey and Wallace are in costume, pretending to be Japanese interpreters.
- They want to show the new Governor the can of money they found in prison and get out of jail.

 THE PIE FIGHT

I.         LADY GETS THE FIRST PIE.
II.       HER HUSBAND LAUGHS.
III.      SHE GETS SORE AND GOES TO HIT HIM WITH A PIE.
IV.      HE DUCKS AND MAN IN BACK OF HIM GETS THE PIE.
V.        HE LETS ONE FLY AND A LADY AT THE OTHER TABLE GETS IT.
VI.      DUKE GRABS WALLACE.  HE STARTS TO DRAG HIM OFF.
VII.     DUKE GETS A PIE. HE LETS WALLACE GO.
VIII.   WALLACE TAKES OUT THE CAN OF MONEY.
IX.      LUGS SEES THE CAN.
X.       WALLACE TOSSES IT TO DEWEY.  LUGS TAKES IT FROM HIM.
XI.      LUGS STARTS TO SPLIT WITH THE CAN.
XII.     HE SLIPS ON THE FLOOR AND THE CAN GOES IN THE AIR.
XIII.    IT LANDS BACK IN DEWEY'S HANDS.
XIV.    DUKE WIPES HIS EYES AND SEES THE CAN. HE GOES AFTER IT.
XV.     WALLACE TAKES A KNITTING NEEDLE AND STICKS DUKE AS HE PASSES.
XVI.    DEWEY HAS THE CAN AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN TO THE GOVERNOR.
XVII.   A PIE HITS THE GOVERNOR. "THIS ISN'T GOING WELL."
XVIII.  DEWEY TAKES THE TOP OFF THE CAN.
XIX.     LUGS REACHES OVER THE TABLE AND GRABS THE MONEY CAN.
XX.       LUGS TURNS TO RUN AND GETS A PIE. THE CAN FLIES IN THE AIR.
XXI.     THE MONEY GOES FLYING.  THE GUESTS SPOT IT.
XXII.    THE GUESTS, DUKE, LUGS...GO FOR THE MONEY.
XXIII.   THE HOSTAGE GROUP COME IN. BILLY JO TRIES TO TAKE COMMAND.
XXIV.    WALLACE CAN'T SEE. DEWEY GETS A HOSE TO GET SOME WATER.
XXV.      DEWEY TURNS THE HOSE ON. THERE IS TOO MUCH PRESSURE.
XXVI.    EVERYBODY GETS THE WATER. LADIES DRESS IS HOSED OFF.
XXVII.   GOVERNOR SEES THIS AND SLUMPS IN HIS CHAIR.
XXVIII.  THE GOVERNOR'S WIFE STARTS TO YELL AT HIM. HE GIVES HER A PIE.
XXIX.     DUKE DRAWS A GUN.
XXX.      GUNNAR AND HIGHWAY PATROL ARRIVE: THEY HAVE GUNS OUT.
XXXI.     THEY FIRE A FEW SHOTS IN THE AIR TO STOP THE ACTIVITY.
XXXII.    DUKE TOSSES THE GUN TO DEWEY. DUKE SHOUTS THAT HE HAS A GUN.
XXXIII.   COP TAKES A BEAD ON DEWEY AND IS ABOUT TO FIRE.
XXXIV.   WALLACE SEES THIS AND LETS THE COP HAVE A PIE BEFORE HE CAN SHOOT.
XXXV.    WALLACE TAKES THE GUY FROM DEWEY AND TOSSES IT TO THE OTHER COP.
XXXVI.   WALLACE TELLS DEWEY TO EXPLAIN TO THE GOVERNOR; HE STARTS IN JAPANESE.
XXXVII.  THE COPS START TO TAKE DEWEY AND WALLACE OFF.
XXXVIII. THE GOVERNOR STOPS THEM. HE WANTS TO HEAR THE STORY.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I've never seen slapstick choreography boiled down to one page this efficiently, all action-reaction.  

They Went That-A-Way & That-A-Way (1978)(undated; revised)
by Tim Conway

*As frequently collaborator Harvey Corman said, "You can't take everything seriously. You have to break the mold."

** For example: Duck Soup and Monkey Business.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Crime of the Century (1996; TV movie) - When Exposition + Confrontation is All Done IN CHARACTER

[Quick Summary: In 1932, after the Lindbergh baby was ransomed (and then killed), the police pinpoint a carpenter with the money, but was he the kidnapper?]

GOOD SIGN #1: I lost track of time when I read this script.

GOOD SIGN #2: It upended my expectations - it begins with the police officer cleaning out his desk ("I was right"), but then we're shown why he was wrong.

Playwright, novelist, documentarian, screenwriter William Nicholson understands character.*  He also understands structure, which is why the script is so good.

For example, the scene below:
- This is not only exposition and confrontation, but it is all done IN CHARACTER. 
- Dr. Condon is a boaster, who is convinced Hauptmann is guilty.
- Parker, a detective, confronts him with contrary testimony.
- Now caught in a lie, Dr. Condon blusters his way through a response.
- Note Dr. Condon begins with exposition of what happened that night. It is interesting because it's true to his boasting character (contradicted few lines later).

INT. BAR - NIGHT

Dr. John Condon, orange blossom in hand, is telling his tale a fascinated audience of FELLOW DRINKERS. After many a telling, he has honed his story into quite a performance.

Parker enters while he speaks, and gets himself a drink, and listens.

CONDON: The cemetery's dark. Hauptmann is nervous, I can tell. I lead him to a bench. "Don't be afraid", I tell him. "We're alone." He gets calmer.  "Have you got the money?", he says. I way, "Wait, wait. Tell me your name." I'm playing for time, I want to get him talking, you understand. Give himself away somehow. He says, "Call me John." "Well John", I say, "Did you ever think of your own mother?" He's silent for a moment. Then, very low, "Yes", he says, and a tear comes into his eye. "Would I burn", he says, "if the baby's dead?"

This is greeted with a satisfying gasp from his appreciative audience.

LATER -

Dr. Condon is seated at a corner table with Parker, having accepted his offer of a drink.

CONDON: It's a tragic tale, a tragic tale, but perhaps some good can come out of it. I want no more children snatched from their cribs.

PARKER: Would you like to take a look at this, Dr. Condon?

CONDON: What is it?

PARKER: It's a copy of your interview with the police in the Bronx, shortly after Hauptmann's arrest.

Condon waves it away.

CONDON: So much heartbreak. We must look forward, not back.

PARKER: Perhaps you've forgotten what you said back then. You were unable to identify Hauptmann as the man you met in the cemetery. You were then warned that you yourself were under suspicion, as a possible accessory to the crime.

CONDON: I don't recall.

PARKER: Later you changed your evidence and identified Hauptmann, in court, as the man you met in the cemetery. Was that new testimony given under pressure, Dr. Condon?

CONDON: You mean, did I lie?

PARKER: I'm just trying to establish why you changed your evidence.

Condon's reply builds up into a spectacular display of outraged innocence. As his voice grows ever louder, all eyes in the bar are drawn to the little group in the corner.

CONDON: No sir, I did not lie. Who are you to walk in here and call me a liar? I offered my services to Colonel Lindbergh with no hope of reward. I have given thousands of hours of my life, and I am an old man, sir, there is little enough of my life left, thousands of hours, for the sake of justice, and my country, and yes, for that little murdered angel, and you come in here and accuse me of lying?

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  The structure of this scene (exposition, then confrontation) is wonderful.  

However, I noticed it was not really the dialogue, but the character (Condon's reaction) that was so riveting. 

Crime of the Century (1996; TV movie)(10/4/95, revised)
by William Nicholson
Based on the book, "The Airman and the Carpenter," by Ludovic Kennedy

*According to IMDB, actress Debra Winger won an Oscar nomination for Shadowlands (1993). She praised Nicholson's script to New York Times by calling it "the most literate script I've ever read. I was sad every day that I wouldn't ever say those lines again."

TODAY'S NUGGET: Primal Fear (1996) - Why EXPAND the Intro from One to Three Pages?

[Quick Summary: A defense attorney volunteers to defend a 19 y.o. street kid who is accused of murdering the Archbishop.]

I do not often read earlier drafts since too many things can affect the final shooting script, even weather or change of directors!

However, I happened to see the first page of an early draft of this script and was struck by the REASON for the changes. 

IN THE EARLY DRAFT: Vail, the defense attorney, is being interviewed by a magazine writer, who asks if a funny courtroom story was true. It wraps up p.1.

IN THE LATER DRAFT: This one pager is expanded to three pages, and I do like this version much better.

Why is the expansion? It shows Vail's point of view on the law. It sets the tone, as well as our expectations of what this ride will be like.

What does it look like on the page? Over a black screen with credits, page one begins with the magazine writer and Vail discussing that funny courtroom story.

The second page begins:

INT. VAIL'S OFFICE - DUSK

Tight on a sputter water faucet and hands. Into a cup, splash to the face and mouth. Vail. Tuxedo shirt on. Studs finally in place. Top button undone. Tie drapes over his shoulder.

VAIL: Truth? How do you mean? 

In the adjacent room, a magazine writer sits at a coffee table cluttered with notes, pencils, ashtray and ashes.

CONNERMAN: Well, I'm not sure how many ways there are to mean it.

Vail appears in the bathroom door attempting to knot the bow tie of his tuxedo.

VAIL: There's only one? One truth? (loudly) Naomi!! (shrugs) You're right there's only one that matters -

NAOMI CHANCE, an attractive Black woman comes in from another room. Vail needs her help with the tie. To Connerman, continuing - 

VAIL: The one I create in the minds of those twelve men and woman sitting on the jury. If you want to call that the illusion of truth? - well, that's up to you.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The early draft laid out a good foundational p.1, which the later draft was able to build upon.  

Also, I wouldn't be surprised if the early draft exposed the need for a deeper explanation, as found in the latter draft.

Primal Fear (1996)(6/13/94* and 4/10/95, revised)
Written & revised by Steve Shagan
Based on the novel by William Diehl

*Trivia: I was particularly interested in this earlier draft, in large part because its author was the great thriller writer Steven Zaillian.

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Mummy (1999) - What Sets an Action/Adventure Script Apart? Behavior Expressing Inner World

[Quick Summary: An English teacher, her brother, and an ex-Legionnaire seek buried treasures, unaware they're about to unleash a vengeful mummy.]

Q: You've read a lot of action/adventure scripts.
A: Why, yes; yes, I have.

Q: If I'm writing one, what are you looking for, on a basic craft level?
A:  Does this script know it's an action/adventure? Does it deliver the tropes (movement, conflict, often locations/travel) in a smooth read?

Q: What are you looking for, on a creativity level?
A: Most writers can handle action/adventure.  ex. Car A crashes into Car B.  

What many writers find difficult is adding character.  ex. Angry at the failure to heed the stop sign, Driver A tailgates Driver B, who drives super-slow to infuriate A.

Q: So how can I add character (motives, traits, conflicts, etc.)?
A: Focus on the behavior as a physical expression of the character's internal world.

Notice in the scene below how the writer

INT. FOYER - NIGHT

O'Connell and Jonathan race into the foyer. See Henderson's shriveled body on the floor. O'Connell runs up to Evelyn's door and rattles the knob, still locked. He bends down and looks in through the KEYHOLE. [Maybe looking through the keyhole means O'Connell is jealous?]

INT. EVELYN'S ROOM - NIGHT

Imhotep cups Evelyn's face in his hands, his HANDS instantly begin to DEGENERATE and DECAY. He leans in to kiss her. [Imhotep's desire is so strong that he's willing to decay just to kiss her.]

The door starts to CRASH and BANG from O'Connell and Jonathan trying to break in. Imhotep ignores them. And KISSES Evelyn. His lips and mouth instantly start to DEGENERATE and DECAY as he kisses her. Right down to the bone.  [Imhotep is undaunted by interruptions.]

The door BURSTS OPEN with a CRASH. Evelyn wakes-up from her trance. Sees Imhotep's rotted mouth kissing her. She SCREAMS and shoves him away. Imhotep's putrid mouth grimaces in sadness. O'Connell storms in.  [The verb "storms" has added importance to it.]

O'CONNELL: Get your hands off my girl, pal. [First verbal indication of deeper feelings for Evelyn.]

Imhotep's sadness turns to anger as he spins around and faces O'Connell. Imhotep licks his fetid lips. O'Connell smirks. 

O'CONNELL: Nice lips.

Imhotep starts to move for O'Connell. O'Connell smiles. [This is confident reaction, and unusual because the bad guy is coming at you.]

O'CONNELL: Figured you might be here, so I brought a friend.

He trows the white cat at Imhotep. Imhotep instinctively catches it. He SHRIEKS, drops the cat and stumbles back toward the window, --which suddenly BLOWS OPEN.

Imhotep CRIES OUT, spins like a dervish, then literally BURSTS INTO A WHIRLWIND OF SAND. Everybody covers their eyes. The Imhotep/sand-devil EXPLODES out the window and vanishes over the compound.  [I like the explosion into a sand-devil because it was unexpected action, but also a good manifestion of Imhotep's inner rage.]

Jonathan aims his gun at the window, his hand shaking badly. O'Connell hugs Evelyn close as she wipes her mouth in disgust. Daniels walks in, looks at Henderson's shriveled body on the floor...and drops the martini glasses. SMASH!

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Behavior with a deeper meaning (of a character's motives, wounds, conflicts) will always set an action/adventure script apart.

The Mummy (1999)(3rd draft, 11/21/97)
by Stephen Sommers

TODAY'S NUGGET: Rueben Rueben (1983) - Foreshadowing the Woman Who Will Make Him Earn Her Respect

[Quick Summary: Womanizing, drunk Scottish poet, who hasn't written in years, is spun around when he meets an unimpressed young woman.]

Of all the many, many scripts he had written,* Julius Epstein said that THIS SCRIPT was the one he was most proud of (though not heard of much).**

Gowan McGland is a droll, clever poet, who is doing the lecture circuit in upstate New York.  He is also doing every female in sight and drinking himself blind.

His central problem is put best by his friendly, estranged wife Edith: "The trouble with you, Gowan, is that you've always wanted unearned fruits." 

Soon, Gowan will be meeting beautiful college student Geneva, who does not play Gowan's games.  He will have to earn her respect.

I thought it was interesting how the writer decided to foreshadow this high level of doggedness by showing it first in Geneva's mom (scene below).

NOTES:
- Mare and husband George are chicken farmers. Their daughter is Geneva.
- Mr. and Mrs. Springer are "commuters" to NY. Their son is Tad.
- The Springers didn't want Tad to date chicken farmers' daughter, and sent him away to college.
- Mare was more upset than everyone. Now she takes it out on all commuters.
- There are eggs on the shelf behind Mare.

EXT. FARMHOUSE - DAY

...Mare and George make an appearance. George stays in the b.g. With Mare, what else can he do? Mare fastens a deadpan glance at Mrs. Beausaigneur, who adopts a nervous manner of false bonhomie.

MRS. BEUSEIGNEUR: Good evening. Getting quite coolish, isn't it? (no answer from Mare) I'd like a few of your wonderful fryers. Last week, when you didn't have any left, my husband was so disappointed. He says no one else has such delicious ones as you have. Four, please?

MARE: We're out of fryers.

MRS. BEUSEIGNEUR: Oh. Then can I have two broilers.

MARE: We're out of broilers.

MRS. BEUSEIGNEUR: Oh, dear. (pause, then with some desperation) My husband isn't really a commuter. he gets off at Stamford. Why, we don't even take the New York Times, except on Sundays.

MARE: Occupation?

MRS. BEUSEIGNEUR: Investment adviser.

MARE: Place of residence?

MRS. BEUSEIGNEUR: Vineyard Acres, we're practically neighbors (a little apologetic laugh) Oh, I know we're making it a bit crampedish for you, but -- (nervous laugh) You see, Lester telephoned me just now to ask could he bring a friend, a classmate home for dinner. I thought, Gawd, the house is an absolute shambles, and I'm not a short order cook. But maybe if I could fricassee a few -- (puts her hand on Mare's arm. Mare pulls away) As I say, his office is in Stamford. If you ever need any advice on investments -- (an idea hits her) He's thinking of driving in on the Thruway. Not taking the train at all.

MARE: Sorry. No chickens.

MRS. BEUSEIGNEUR (desperation time): Then I'd better make an omelet. Two dozen eggs, please.

MARE: We're out of eggs.

MRS. BEUSEIGNEUR (exploding): I didn't jilt your daughter. My husband didn't jilt your daughter. Yet you make us drive clear down to town for chickens -- frozen ones at that! -- because somebody else did. If that isn't paranoid, what is!

She storms out, slamming the screen door.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: On my first read, I thought this was an amusing side story. On a closer read, it's really a more interesting way to foreshadow.

Rueben Rueben (1983)
by Julius J. Epstein
Based on the novel by Peter DeVries, and the play by Herman Shumlin

*Including: Casablanca, Yankee Doodle Dandy, Arsenic and Old Lace, Four Daughters films, etc.  

For more insights on a fascinating career, I'd recommend his in-depth interview in Naked Screenwriting (2021).

**The script is great, but I wondered if it's almost too clever a play to translate well to film?  I am looking forward to seeing the finished film.