TODAY'S NUGGET: The Money Train (1995) - Active Decisions is One Way to Carry One's Point Without Forcing It

[Quick Summary: A NYC transit cop tries to steal the express "money train," despite the protestations of his foster brother and fellow transit cop.]

A recent New York Times Book Review gave a high compliment: "a sensitive writer who can carry his point without forcing." 

This could easily be applied to writer David Loughery, whose description of action always delights  me because they're a continual see-saw of suspense.  

One of his secrets is that neither the protagonist or the bad guy has the upper hand for long. Both must make active decisions.

For example, in the scene below:
- The Torch just set John's girlfriend, a fellow cop, on fire.
- John, the protagonist, has to constantly make decisions (A or B?)
- This keeps us constantly off balance and engaged.
- To me, this effectively "carries the point" that John is the underdog (vs. "forcing" with frequent reminders 'but don't worry - John is experienced! John is the cop!')

INT. TUNNEL #2 - DAY

John runs through the darkness, gun ready. He can hear The Torch somewhere up ahead, footsteps echoing back. The tunnel comes to a division, breaking off into two tunnels.  [Which tunnel, John?]

John stops.

Which way did The Torch go? John listens. No footsteps. No noise. John's nostrils flare. He can smell gas. It leads into the left tunnel.  Cautiously, John enters, swallowed up in the darkness.

Then --wham! -- John is struck from behind with a rotting plank in the hands of The Torch. John loses his gun and falls to his knees. The gun skitters into the darkness.  [John makes the right decision, but has another problem and has lost a weapon. What is the next decision?]

With a giggle, The Torch drops the rotted plank and runs to retrieve John's fallen gun, unaware that his hose is leaking a trail of gas behind him. [The Torch, who is not immune from problems either, helps inform John's next decision..]

Stunned, still on his knees, Johns sees the trail of gas droplets and follows it with his eyes to where the The Torch is standing, grinning like a crazy raccoon, pointing John's own gun at him.  [I like this mix of uncertainty and danger. It is a good way to sustain suspense.]

THE TORCH: See what happens when you play with fire?

With his free hand, The Torch reaches inside his coat and pulls out his gasoline bottle, intending to spray it on John. He doesn't notice that John has reached into his own coat pocket and comes out with a book of matches. [The scales tip toward John, for now.]

JOHN: Somebody gets burned. 

John ignites the whole book of matches and throws it on the trail of gas droplets. Foom! A line of flame runs to The Torch and right up his leg, setting him on fire.

Whoosh! The Torch lets out a scream of surprise as his gas-soaked coat blazes up. He squeals and spins around as flames erupt all over him.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  Don't allow your characters to have it easy for long.  Don't ever stop creating situations where they have to make active decisions.

The Money Train (1995)(shooting script, 12/30/94 w/revisions)
by David Loughery