[Quick Summary: A struggling, small time gun runner tries to trade evidence for a decrease in his upcoming prison time, but is unaware of other wheels in motion.]
Q: Why can an ok script still be a good or great film?
A: I think it lies in the bones, i.e., structure of a script.
Q: How do I get it? Is there a checklist or book I can read?
A: Do you want the shortcut or the long version?
Q: The shortcut! Where's the shortcut??
A: Trick question. There are NO SHORTCUTS. You have to study scripts, i.e., learn to take it apart in order to learn to build one. Dissecting and rebuilding take TIME.
Q: ...How much time? How many scripts?
A: Longer than you think. More than you want to read.*
Q: Give me a hint. What does a script with "good bones" look like?
A: One clue is that the script delivers what it promises,** and HOW it does it.***
For example here, Eddie Coyle is a small fish who is struggling to make it day to day. He is returning to prison soon for driving a truck of stolen goods.
Note how the scene below sets up Eddie's motive ---> Every decision he makes for the rest of the film turns on this motive.
ex. "INT. EDDIE'S HOUSE - DAY
...Eddie goes into the kitchen where his wife, SHEILA, is drying dishes. Eddie washes his hands and dries them on a door towel during the following dialogue.
EDDIE: You didn't say anything to the kids, did you?
SHEILA: About what?
EDDIE: About that trouble there.
SHEILA: No, why would I? (turning) Why?
EDDIE: Well, they were a little funny toward me this morning, I thought.
[He gets something to eat from the refrigerator.]
SHEILA: You're imagining it, Eddie. What do you want for breakfast?
EDDIE: Nothing. I got to go somewhere, meet someone.
SHEILA: All right.
EDDIE: My lawyer, the goddamned harp. He's got oatmeal for brains. If I had time, I'd have someone write up papers for me. Incompetence of counsel, you know. Wouldn't let me take the stand there. I know a feller could do that but he's in the basket.
Sheila turns away from him; she's heard this before.
SHEILA: My mother said she'd move in, take care of the kids while I work.
EDDIE: Work? What the hell are you talking about?
SHEILA: You don't want us to go on welfare, do you?
EDDIE: Look, Sheila.
He gets up, crosses to the sink, puts his arms around her.
EDDIE: Now listen, I'm going to be all right in New Hampshire there. This feller I'm seeing today, he can square it. And then we're getting out of here. (turns her around) Have I ever lied to you? Have I?
SHEILA (he has, but:): I'm not complaining.
Eddie moves over to his wife. She looks around at him. He knows she understands him so well. Caught again."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Even if I am not particularly fond of this script, I can respect it because the structure is rather sound.
The Friends of Eddie Coyle (1973)(8/28/72 draft)
by Paul Monash
From the novel by George V. Higgins
*This screenwriting thing isn't for sissies. I wanted to believe that I'd learn fast and be the exception to the rule. I did not and I was not.
**This is not merely a setup-payoff of plot points.
***Do not be surprised at how much digging this will require to understand. The better the writer, the more seamless it seems.
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