[Quick Summary: A detective for the military CID investigates the obscene, very public death of a respected female captain, who is also the general's daughter.]
CON: I have a few issues with this script.
PRO: However, on the page, it is an excellent visceral read.
What makes this a compelling thriller to read, despite its flaws?
One thing that struck me was the protagonist (Brenner) was constantly putting himself in physical, emotional, and career jeopardy to find the truth. He took risks.
I liked the example below because it does several things:
- White takes a surprisingly fun, and emotional, risk.
- It's a great "meet cute" scene that slides in a lot of information about her.
- Because he met her in person, it explains White's personal motive to find her killer.
In the scene below:
- White is doing a horrible job at fixing his flat tire.
- Ann Campbell, the soon-to-be-victim, stops to help. She is an army Captain.
ex. "EXT. FORT MACCULLUM - DAY
...it's a few minutes later -- she's finishing up. Her movements fast and skilled.
CAPTAIN CAMPBELL: So how long have you taught at mechanic's school?
LT. WHITE: I work at the Armory -- just been there a few weeks. And you never let up, do you?
CAPTAIN CAMPBELL (head shake): This is just heaven -- y'see, in the Army, all the capital G Guys say we can't keep up, we're too weak.
LT. WHITE: Obviously, you don't believe that.
ANN CAMPBELL. CLOSE UP. She looks at White a moment. Then --
CAPTAIN CAMPBELL: Physically, there may be a point, but mentally, we're much tougher. For example, I would never betray you -- (looks at White now) -- but if I slept with you, if I told you how wonderful and strong you were, hell, you'd betray anyone.
WHITE, considering this.
LT. WHITE: I hope that's a proposition, Captain.
CAPTAIN CAMPBELL: Just theory, Lieutenant.
LT. WHITE: LT. WHITE: Damn.
She stands, brushes herself off.
CAPTAIN CAMPBELL: That should do it. (starts off) Luck to you.
LT. WHITE: You probably run Mechanic's school.
CAPTAIN CAMPBELL: Psyops.
He doesn't get it.
CAPTAIN CAMPBELL: Psychological Operations. I teach there.
LT. WHITE: What do you teach?
CAPTAIN CAMPBELL (getting into her car): Mostly, we fuck with people's minds.
And she flashes her wonderful smile, waves, drives off.
White stands looking after her.
LT. WHITE (softly): Thanks..."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This scene made a fictional world a little more real to me.
I'd rather see a moment of humor or emotional risk, i.e., relationship stuff, more than a constant stream of plot -- plot -- plot -- plot, which is boring and not real.
The General's Daughter (1999)(11/19/97 draft)
by Christopher Bertolini and William Goldman
Based on the novel by Nelson DeMille
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