[Quick Summary: A detective falls in love with the murder victim that he's investigating.]
THREE RANDOM THOUGHTS:
1) Wow, what a great read! Fast, suspenseful, twists, and a surprise ending.
2) This is a first for me: This script has three V.O. narrators, who each speak for about 1/3 of the film, and it did not bug me.
3) I thought the writers did an excellent job of building tension and suspense, especially through the characters' actions. What does that look like?
Simply put, the characters did not act as I thought they would. Their behavior is inconsistent. Or they lie when I expect truth. Or they tell the truth and it's weak.
---> As a result, I found myself paying closer attention. What are they doing? Why?
---> This led to me feeling the tension rise. How will this resolve? I need to know!
Let's look at an example. In the scene below:
- Shelby was Laura's fiancee. He is too eager to spill the beans.
- Waldo was the guy she left for Shelby. He is suspicious of everyone.
- Mark is the detective. He is uncomfortable falling for a dead victim.
- The three men are now revisiting the scene of the crime, Laura's apartment. Shelby thinks he knows where Laura kept the key to her country house.
ex. "INT. BEDROOM - FULL SHOT
Shelby is at the bureau as Mark and Waldo enter. Mark sits down, leaning back on the bed, and takes the puzzle from his pocket. He concentrates on it. Shelby suddenly reacts and pulls out a key. [Why is the detective playing with a puzzle NOW?]
SHELBY: I knew I'd seen it around...Here it is...!
He tosses it on the bed beside Mark who pulls his notebook out of his pocket, glances at it, and goes righton with his puzzle. [This is an unexpected reaction. I would've pounced on the key.]
MARK: That's funny. I got a list of the things in that drawer. The key wasn't in there when the place was gone over... [This is a seasoned detective who is tough to impress.]
Shelby looks embarrassed. [He knows that he's been caught.]
WALDO: Then it's made a recent reappearance? [Waldo rubs it in.]
Mark doesn't look up. [No reaction = This is unexpected.]
MARK (quietly to Shelby): You put it in there, didn't you?
SHELBY: Well...I... didn't want to hand it to you while...Waldo was present.
WALDO: Why? I do not habitually collect old keys. [Clever retort.]
SHELBY (still to Mark): I didn't want him to know I had it. It doesn't concern him... [A confession that will spike Waldo's fury.]
FULL SHOT - ANOTHER ANGLE
Mark just leans back, balancing the puzzle, as Shelby and Waldo turn toward each other like fighting cocks. [Note how the writers use conflicting motives of Shelby vs.Waldo to ratchet up the tension first with words, then behavior.]
WALDO (complacently): Everything about Laura concerns me -- perhaps more than you. [Mild dismissal.]
SHELBY (cuttingly): really? But she happened to decide to marry me. [Stronger dismissal.]
WALDO (bristling): That may have been a fatal decision! [Accusation.]
SHELBY (with quiet anger): For your own good, Waldo, I'm warning you to stop implying that I had anything to do with Laura's death. [Warning shot.]
WALDO: All right, I'll stop implying. I'll make a direct statement. [He calls Shelby out.]
Shelby lunges grimly at Waldo, but Mark simply puts up his leg barring the way. [Words escalate into a physical act.]
MARK (to Waldo): Guys with glass jaws shouldn't lead with their beards, Mr. Lydecker.
MED. FULL SHOT - TOWARD MARK
Waldo glares at Mark, furious at his inattention.
WALDO (raging): Will you please stop fooling with that ridiculous puzzle!! [Frustration gushes out.]
MARK (calmly): No. It keeps me calm... (significantly) And sometimes it makes other people lose their tempers --and say things they wouldn't ordinarily say. [This is the climax of the scene. Now it all makes sense.]
Waldo controls himself. Mark now puts the puzzle away and starts getting up off the bed. He picks up the key and pockets it.
MARK: Maybe we better get going now."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When someone acts as I do not expect, it makes me more curious. ex. Mark was so casual about clues and deliberately did not rise to the bait.
Laura (1944)(final draft, 11/29/43, with revisions (12/21/43))
by Jay Dratler and Ring Lardner, Jr.*
Based on the novel by Vera Caspary
*On IMDB, the screenplay is credited to Jay Dratler and Samuel Hoffenstein and Betty Reinhardt. Ring Lardner, Jr., was uncredited, probably due to him being blacklisted during the HUAC era.
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