[Quick Summary: In Transylvania, American Dr. Frederick Frankenstein attempts to follow his grandfather's notes on how to reanimate a body.]
I've noticed that I'm often too paranoid about script length.
This pressure results in heavy handed, lead filled writing. NOT enjoyable to read.
This script reminds me that comedy is a give and take, and needs to be free to spin, backtrack, meander, etc. Physical gags especially need plenty of room on the page.
The physical gag scene below is about 2 1/4 pgs.
Also, note that it is a big story point as well (Monster can be controlled by sedatives).
ex. "INT. LABORATORY
...Igor nervously takes out a cigarette from his pocket and strikes a match, and:
MONSTER: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! [A-ha! The Monster is afraid of fire!]
FREDDY (to the Monster): What is it? What's the matter??
The Monster grabs Freddy's throat.
FREDDY: Quick, give him the --
The Monster squeezes. Freddy can't make a sound. Monster relaxes his hands for a split second.
FREDDY: Quick, give him the --
The Monster tightens his hands, Freddy can't make a sound.
IGOR: WHAT? GIVE HIM THE WHAT?
Freddy points desperately to the Monster's arm. [The hijinks begin.]
IGOR: Arm! Give him the Arm!
Freddy shakes his head "no." He pushes his thumb against his two forefingers -- miming the giving of an injection. [To keep things clear, the writers let the reader in on the punchline. I liked that they kept the characters, but not the reader, guessing.]
IGOR: Give him a cigarette?!
Freddy shakes his head "no" and holds up three fingers. [I like these charades b/c they use visuals vs. language.]
IGOR: Three syllables!
Freddy nods "yes." He holds up one finger.
IGOR: First syllable.
Freddy cups his hand to his ear.
IGOR: Sounds like...
Freddy points to his head.
INGA: Head!
Freddy nods "yes."
INGA: Sounds like 'head.' Said??
Freddy nods "yes," jubilantly.
INGA AND IGOR: Said!
Freddy holds up two fingers.
INGA: Second syllable!
Freddy mimes "tiny" with his fingers.
INGA: Little word!
Freddy nods "yes."
INGA: The?
Freddy shakes his head "no."
IGOR: A?
Freddy touches his nose.
IGOR: 'On the nose.' Said -- a -- ...
INGA: Said -- a...
IGOR: DIRTY WORD! He said a dirty word!?
Freddy shakes his head "no" and cups his hand to his ear.
INGA AND IGOR: Sounds like...
Freddy mimes "give."
INGA: GIVE?
Freddy nods "yes" furiously.
IGOR: SAID -- A -- GIVE!?? Give him a 'said-a-give!'
Freddy shakes his head "no."
INGA: 'TIVE!' SEDATIVE!
Freddy weakly points to his nose.
IGOR: On the nosey.
Inga runs to the table and gets the hypodermic. Then runs back and jams it into the Monster's tush.
The Monster's eyes FREEZE. Then he looks at each of them... his hands still clutching Freddy's neck. Then he COLLAPSES like a giant tree."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I give myself permission to mute the "page length" radar. Form (page length) over function (funny on the page) is pressure that I don't need.
Young Frankenstein (1974)(4th draft, 2/7/74)
by Gene Wilder and Mel Brooks
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