TODAY'S NUGGET: Dirty Dozen (1967) - Setting Up the Loose Cannon

[Quick Summary: Major Reisman has to train the "Dirty Dozen," a group of felons and death row inmates, for a surprise attack on the enemy.] 

I was surprised at the detailed attention to character in this script. 

For example, Maggot, the fanatic who wants to stamp out evil women, could have easily been a cardboard stereotype.  

Instead, the writers added a beat to throw us into doubt, and set up a future event.

Notice in the scene below:
- It describes Maggot's unconscious behavior (my underlines below).
- We unsure if he is even aware what he is thinking.
- This setup is a hint that pays off when Maggot goes berserk later.

EXT. WATCHTOWER COMPOUND NIGHT

...As MAGGOT climbs down the tower and sets off around the perimeter, he keeps up a constant stream of muttered imprecations.

MAGGOT: Spitting in the face of the redeemer...That's what he's doing - defiling the purity of souls that were sent into this world to live clean...

It is doubtful whether his words even have any meaning for MAGGOT, but he breathes them out as if they were some incantation that will destroy all evil spirits.

NEW ANGLE

As he gets near REISMAN'S hut, MAGGOT's speech becomes nothing more than a fierce, rhythmic breathing, but his mouth keeps moving as if it were forming words.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked that the audience is ahead of the character.  We see he's unhinged, but he does not. It adds to the anticipation.

Dirty Dozen (1967)(draft dated 2/4/66)
by Nunnelly Johnson and Lukas Heller
Based on the novel by E.M. Nathanson

TODAY'S NUGGET: Wag the Dog (1997) - In Satire, Using a Betrayal to Show the Obstacle

[Quick Summary: A political player and a Hollywood producer create a fake war as a distraction to an upcoming US election.]

Satire (n.) is 

the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, deriding vice, folly, etc.

However, as film critic Roger Ebert points out: 

"It is getting harder and harder for satire to stay ahead of reality."

So what keeps a satire relevant? I think when it jabs home a perennial problem.  

In politics and war, that problem is attrition.  It's one thing to lose a battle to the other side, but when your own rank and file lose faith? Double ouch.

In the scene below:
- Ames, the political aide, is about to leave for the airport, but stops to overhear a phone conversation.
- Notice that this betrayal is not simply a jab in the gut, but is used to show the hurdles that the protagonists have.
- The irony is that one expects betrayal from a foe, not a supposed supporter.

INT. SIDE OFFICE. NIGHT.

 ...AMES: I'll see you at National.

BREAN NODS, AND EXITS.

HOLD ON AMES.
HE HEARS SOMETHING, AND TURNS.

ANGLE
HIS POV.
A YOUNG STAFFER, IN THE CORNER, SPEAKING SOFTLY ON THE PHONE.

STAFFER (ON PHONE): Tell him, well, tell him we, I know we just signed it, but we're going to cancel it. (PAUSE) Because, because we're not going to be staying here the next four years. (PAUSE) Well, I can't tell you on the phone.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This is what satire does best: poke fun at our humanness.

Wag the Dog (1997)(10/4/96 draft)
by David Mamet
Based on the book, "American Hero," by Larry Beinhart

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Untouchables (1987) - The Wily, Crafty Trickster Role

[Quick Summary: Elliott Ness hunts Capone, helped by a worn beat cop, Malone.]

What was it about this Mamet script that swayed Sean Connery to take the role (and a rare pay cut)?  I think it's because Malone is such a great trickster role.

Malone, an entirely fictional character, is both sage and "bad cop" to the upstanding "good cop" Ness. He understands what motivates human nature.

In the scene below:
- Ness has just caught George, Capone's accountant, red handed with a shipment and a coded ledger. 
- Ness wants the code but George refuses. 
- Watch how Malone uses all his skills to create a crucible situation that put mental pressure on George.

EXT./INT. CABIN - DAY

MALONE (continuing): You going to talk? (beat) You're gonna talk, pal. You're gonna beg to talk.

In frustration, Malone takes the ledger.

MALONE: Somebody's going to talk.

He walks O.S., out onto the porch. WE HEAR him talking.

MALONE (O.S.)(continuing): Hey you, on your feet. We need you to translate this book. And you are going to. I won't ask you again.

EXT. THE CABIN - DAY

Malone has picked up the dead body of the slain bootlegger and is holding him up by the chin, while holding a pistol to the other. Malone shoves the pistol in the dead man's mouth.

MALONE: What's the matter. Can't you talk with a gun in your mouth? One...two...three...

He fires, as he heaves the body toward the open door.

INT. THE CABIN - DAY

The GUNSHOT, and the body flying through the door. Beat. Malone comes in the door.

He takes a step toward George, who is seated on a chair. The chair falls over, George struggles to his feet.

GEORGE: Yes. Yes. Yes...I'll...yesyesyes I'm going to...

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I like that nothing about this scene above is unearned. 

The threat is imminent (body a few feet away), so it's realistic that George is scared and willing to spill. 

The Untouchables (1987)
by David Mamet

TODAY'S NUGGET: Atlantic City (1980) - What I Wished I'd Known About Formatting

[Quick Summary: Lou, a numbers runner who yearns for his neighbor Sally, becomes an inadvertent drug courier for her estranged husband who arrives unexpectedly.]

Q: How good is this script? 
A: Good.* Really good.**

Lead actor Burt Lancaster said of his role:

A part like that, especially at my age, happens every ten years, if you’re lucky.

Q: But the script is written in the format of a play!
A: Here's what I wished I'd known about formatting as a new writer (but you can't tell new writers until they figure it out for themselves): It's not about formatting.

Q: But I LIKE doing the formatting.  Don't you?
A: I love it. It gives me a sense of "control" over the story.

Q: What's wrong with that?
A: Nothing, unless I'm using it to hide from the truth. ex. I simply can't fix this story.  It's the formatting!  Or my characters are flat. It's the formatting!  

Q: So focus on ...what?
A: I think the writer's job is to get the reader to go in with the character, and wonder where he came from, where he's going.  

If the reader is focusing on commas and periods, you've failed.

In the scene below:
- Notice how writer (and playwright) John Guare keeps you wondering why this very neat older man is  living in a doomed building. Who is ringing for him?
- Also note that you're so into Lou's world that the format falls away.

INT. LOU'S APARTMENT. DAY.

LOU IS A MAN IN HIS 60'S, VERY FIT, VERY HEARTY. IT SEEMS
A SURPRISE TO SEE HIM IRON A TIE IN HIS ONE-ROOM APARTMENT
IN THIS DOOMED BUILDING.
BEHIND HIM A BELL RINGS. AND RINGS.
THE BELL IS CONNECTED IN A VERY MAKESHIFT MANNER TO A
CLOTHESLINE LEADING DOWNSTAIRS.
THE APARTMENT IS ALARMINGLY BARE, EVEN THOUGH HE HAS
LIVED HERE HOW MANY YEARS NOW---THIRTY? CALENDARS
ON THE WALLS. OLD MAGAZINES. THAT'S ABOUT IT.
LOU TAKES HIS TIME. HE BUTTONS HIS SHIRT VERY CAREFULLY.
HE IS A VERY NEAT GUY.
HE TAKES A PAIR OF CLEAN SOCKS FROM THE LAUNDRY PILE.
HE STUFFS THE SOCK INTO THE BELL. IT QUIETS IT, BUT IT
DOESN'T STOP ITS PULLING.
HE LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW.
LOU'S POV. WE SEE SALLY, DAVE AND CHRISSIE FROM ABOVE
ENTERING THE BUILDING.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: If musicians reading music can't wait for the next sequence of notes, the last thing they're looking at is the staff paper.

Atlantic City (1980)
by John Guare

*I am terribly impressed that it was written for a $5M budget and on a time crunch (begun in Aug., 1979, & shot Oct. 1979-Jan. 1980).

**Also, it received five Oscars nominations for:
- John Guare (Best Writing)
- Burt Lancaster (Best Actor)
- Susan Sarandon (Best Actress)
- Louis Malle (Best Director)
- Best Picture

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Age of Innocence (1993) - How to Script Longing (Use of Tension, Step Forward-Step Back)

[Quick Summary: Archer is torn between May, his family approved betrothed, and Ellen, her fascinating married cousin with whom he is more compatible.]

I remember this film's trailers, which seemed to be about infidelity (I was wrong).

I thought it would be boring and stuffy (I was wrong).

I was really moved by Archer's longing for the right woman, but settles for a socially approved one.  Archer really struggles and vacillates.

Scorsese notes two things that make the emotion ring true: 1) Tension and 2) Step forward, step back:

 ....This is a film about a society where emotions are not readily apparent or visible. There are only one or two scenes where people do get to finally say what they want and feel. So the enjoyment of shaping a scene in the editing comes from the tension between the emotion and not showing the emotion....It should make people [watching] uncomfortable, the way the characters are uncomfortable in the frames.

I like the complexity of the characters....When one of them takes a step forward, the other steps back. It's like life.  (Mirabella, Sept. 1993, p. 80)

These are seen in the scene below:
- Note the use of a calling card as a symbol of wanting to show he cares and not show it.
- Note his step forward (sending roses) and step back (taking back the card).

EXT./INT. STREET AND FLORIST NIGHT

Walking home from Ellen's along Fifth Avenue, Archer passes a flower shop. He gets only a few steps beyond it, then turns and goes back.

Inside the shop, the florist greets him instantly.

FLORIST: Oh Mr. Archer, good evening. We didn't see you this morning, and weren't sure whether to send Miss Welland the usual.

ARCHER: The lilies-of-the-valley, yes. We'd better make it a standing order. [Archer puts his fiancee first. He does the socially right thing.]

He notices a cluster of yellow roses almost fiery in their beauty.

ARCHER: And those roses. I'll give you another address.

He draws out a card and places it inside an envelope, on which he starts to write Ellen's name and address. But he stops. He removes his card and hands the clerk the empty envelope with only the name and address on it. [Yet he longs to connect with Ellen.  He wavers, "I'd better not"]

ARCHER: They'll go at once?

In extreme CLOSE-UP, Archer folds his calling card in two and places it safely in his pocket. [We sense his social safety, but his heart is heavy.]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I really felt the reality of longing - how it comes in waves, forward, backwards, the tension of wanting and not wanting.

The Age of Innocence (1993)
by Jay Cocks & Martin Scorsese
Based on the novel by Edith Wharton

TODAY'S NUGGET: Pleasantville (1998) - How to Put the "Real" in a Surreal Fairy Tale

[Quick Summary: David and his sister Jennifer, both 1990s teens, struggle to adjust when they are actually zapped into Pleasantville, a 1950s black and white tv show.]

This is a fairy tale (it says so on the cover page). 

It's also a surreal* tale where a remote control zaps David and Jennifer into a tv show (where they are now "Bud" and "Mary Sue").  

So why does it remain grounded and real?

Perhaps one reason is that the problems are very recognizable and true to life, despite the crazy situation.

For example, in the scene below: 
- In real life, Jennifer was minutes away from a hot date. But now she is stuck in this tv world and her life is ruined.  This is surreal.
- However, the problem is real, i.e., sister blames brother.
- Also the solution to the problem is real, i.e., Jennifer's head is turned by very normal, very fickle teen age hormones.  (Though Biff is not real, but you get the idea.)

JENNIFER: Oh God. We are. We're stuck We're trapped in like...Nerdville.

DAVID: Just for a little while.

JENNIFER: It's not fair. (despairing) I always knew that you'd pay a price for this. I did. I mean, like, I knew you couldn't be hopelessly geekridden for this long without suffering some, really tragic consequences...(her voice starts to waver) But I've put a lot of time into being you know..."popular" and I just don't think it's fair that the same thing should happen to me...

BOY'S VOICE (O.S.): Hi Mary Sue.

Jennifer looks to see a strapping blonde seventeen year old driving by in his convertible. He is extremely handsome with Jack Armstrong features and a letterman sweater. Biff Martin slows to a crawl at the curb.

BIFF: What's all the commotion? Where's the cat?

They glance over at the fireman who is climbing back into the front of the hook and ladder with the little kitty in his arms. He flashes Jennifer a big Pepsodent smile.

BIFF: Well...Guess I'll see ya later, Mary Sue.

He takes off down the street in his really keen convertible. Jennifer watches him go.

JENNIFER (still staring): Who's that?

DAVID: Biff Martin. Captain of the football team.

JENNIFER: Does he --you know...like me?

DAVID: As a matter of face, he does. Yeah.

CLOSE UP. JENNIFER.

She sniffles for a moment then looks off down the road where his convertible has disappeared.

JENNIFER: Hunh.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The audience must believe the relationship dynamics... even if they're about a girl falling for a handsome face (realistic) of a fictional character (surreal) and forgets the guy at home (realistic).

Pleasantville (1998)(5/1/96 draft)
by Gary Ross

*Surreal = (adj.) having the disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream; unreal; fantastic.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Old School (2003) - Need for Characterization, Context, Continuity

[Quick Summary: Newly dumped, Mitch is persuaded to turn his new house by the university into a fraternity, and runs up against the dean.]

I didn't like this script.  NOT because I couldn't follow it. NOT because I didn't laugh at the jokes. NOT because it varies dramatically from the final film.

I didn't like it because it is baggy and the story does not deliver on its promise.  

Why?  Roger Ebert explains:

"...[H]umor benefits from characterization, context and continuity. Otherwise, all you have is a lot of people acting goofy. 

Most of this draft IS people acting goofy.

Frankly, it's forgettable without a character reason (middle age is not enough), context (why are rooting for them?), and continuity (various subplots).

Unfortunately, the best part got reduced to nothing in the final film, i.e., Mitch and Nicole.  In the script, we see more of them learning to trust again.

Here's my favorite scene between two lonely people connecting:

INT. BEANIE'S KITCHEN - LATER

Amanda has scraped her knee. She's crying, sitting up on the counter, her RUGRATS DOLL lays next to her.

Mitch and Nicole are with her. Mitch is holding her hand as Nicole cleans the cut.

MITCH (soothing her): Hmm. Looks like an elephant bite, huh? Is that what happen?

AMANDA (laughing): Yeah.

MITCH: That's what I thought. But this is a very small elephant bite, I've seen much worse, you were lucky.

Nicole looks at Mitch and smiles, then finishes up. Mitch picks up the Rugrats doll...

MITCH: I think this guy might need a Band Aid too, what do you think?

Amanda nods 'yes'. Mitch puts one on the doll.

MITCH: There. Now how do you guys feel? Do you have have a full range of motion?

Mitch moves Amanda's leg around, silly, Amanda laughs. Nicole takes Amanda off the counter and sends her on her way...

NICOLE: There you go, all set.

Amanda runs out the door, back into the yard.

NICOLE: She likes you.

MITCH: Well, she's an angel -- you're very lucky.

Nicole looks at him and smiles, they seem to be making a real connection.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I didn't laugh with these characters, or at them. I didn't laugh.

Old School (2003)(shooting draft, 9/28/20)
by Todd Phillips and Scot Armstrong

*"Baggy" is a term I've come to fear and loathe after listening to hours of concise, well-reasoned, excellent journalism from film critic Mark Kermode.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Buried (2010) - Writing for $5k Budget; "Shake the Box"

[Quick Summary: Paul Conroy, a contracted truck driver, wakes up buried in Iraq in a coffin with a flashlight, cell phone and zippo lighter.]

Though the decision to keep the whole story in a box was financially driven, I think it was smart because it does set this script apart.*

But how do you keep the tension rising inside a box?

There's plenty of psychological conflict (his wife, mom w/dementia, firing from job, helpless negotiators) and external conflict (snake invading, claustrophobia, heat).

But the one thing I had not thought of was to physically Shake the Box. 

The writer chose to shake the box with an aerial attack, which does a few things:
- It causes a crack to the coffin, allowing in sand, thus increasing the jeopardy.
- It sets up a pay off.  The attack scene (below) occurs on p. 64 (setup), but it does not register with Paul what it means until p. 73 (payoff).
- Paul must interact with his environment and stay active.
- It adds to the oppressive environment and unseen exterior forces which are key for horror.

Here's the scene (p. 63):

The cell phone service begins to cut out. Suddenly, the coffin begins to vibrate slightly, dropping sand granules through the crack and onto the wood bottom, followed by the faint sound of an explosion.

Within seconds, the explosions grow louder and more proximate. The vibrations becomes so intense that it violently shakes Paul around the coffin.

The sound of jet plane engines are heard coming from above, flying by as the massive explosions continue.

Sand seeps in through the crack between the top and sides of the coffin as it shakes. Paul does his best to brace himself, but the bombardment is far too powerful.

A large crack forms in the wooden cover to the coffin, spanning almost its entire length. Sand immediately pours through the concave shaped crack, seeping in onto Paul like an hourglass.

Fearing that the top of the coffin may collapse under the immense pressure from the sand above, Paul positions himself underneath it and presses with all his might. He grunts and screams loudly, using what little strength he has left to keep the top from caving. 

The shaking soon stops, though the steady flow of sand continues.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I like that this story beat is not just a momentary scare, but sets up a situation with real dire consequences.

Buried (2010)
by Chris Sparling

*The writer explains here: "By this point, however, I began to realize that my financially-driven decision is what actually made the movie more interesting creatively, and this is why I pushed to keep the movie in the box for its duration — in spite of now having the money to shoot the other side of the phone conversations. Thankfully, the producers and the director (Rodrigo Cortes) who came on board all felt the same way as I did, as did Ryan Reynolds."

Finding Nemo (2003) - How Rounding Out Characters is an Opportunity for Exposition

[Quick Summary: Overprotective clownfish dad Marlin goes looking for his son Nemo who was scooped up by a Sydney diver-dentist.]

Q: What does the "screenwriting rule" Do Not Write Exposition mean?
A: This is a shortcut way of saying do not explain things, i.e., "Show Don't Tell."

Q: Isn't that too simplistic?
A: It's a good place to start. Eventually you'll realizes that sometimes there is no other way to deliver information except to say it (ex. "How old are you?" "Fifteen.") 

Q: So what is the purpose for the "rule"?
A: Writers like to talk about ideas, but talking heads = visually BORING. 

Q: So exposition is not the problem, but the way it is delivered is?
A: Yes. 

Q: So my job is to deliver exposition in a new way. How?
A: One way is to create a situation where the characters are rounded out.

For example, in the scene below:
- Nemo is dropped the dentist's aquarium.  He is introduced to new fish.
- Through their interactions, we learn about the characters have a life outside this story, i.e., more three dimensional.
- We learn that they are smart, observant, can be trusted, i.e., Nemo can trust them.
- The writers can sneak in exposition, ex. dentist is predictable.

PEACH (O.S.)(muffled): Mwemottamivemone!!

The tank gang looks up to Peach stuck high on the glass.

BLOAT: Can't hear ya, Peach.

PEACH (unsticks): I SAID WE GOTTA LIVE ONE!

Excited, the tank gang ditch Nemo, and swim up to Peach's level They look on with keen interest as the dentist begins work on the patient.

GURGLE: Yes!

BLOAT: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!

DEB: Whadda we got?

PEACH: Root canal, and by the looks of those x-rays it's not going to be pretty.

SFX: DRILL/SCREAM

BLOAT: Rubber dam and clamp installed?

PEACH: Yep.

GURGLE: What'd he use to open?

PEACH: Gator-Glidden drill. He seems to be favoring that one lately.

Deb tries to look past her reflection.

DEB: I can't see Flo!

PEACH: Uph, now he's doing the Shilder technique.

BLOAT: Oh, he's using a Hedstroem file.

GURGLE: That's not a Hedstroem file. That's a K-Flex.

BLOAT: HEDSTROEM!

...Without warning, a PELICAN (NIGEL) bounces off the window by the tank. The fish don't react. Keep their eyes on the dentist. The bird thrusts his head into the room, out of breath.

PEACH: Hey, Nigel.

NIGEL: What did I miss? Am I late?

PEACH: Root canal, and it's a doozy.

NIGEL: Root canal, huh? What did he use to open?

PEACH: Gator-Glidden Drill.

NIGEL: He's been favoring that one. Hope he doesn't get surplus sealer at the secondary portal terminus...(spots Nemo) Hello. Who's this?

DEB: New guy.

GURGLE: The dentist took him off the reef.

NIGEL (studies Nemo): An outie?! From my neck of the woods, eh? Sorry if I ever took a snap at ya! Fish gotta swim. Bird's gotta eat!

DENTIST (O.S.): Hey!

The dentist is heading for the window, waving the bird away.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Don't be afraid to go into the character's world and away from your character.

Much of this scene is NOT about Nemo, but it is about exploring the world (but it stays true to the overall theme, which is Nemo learning to explore).

Finding Nemo (2003)
by Andrew Stanton, Bob Peterson, David Reynolds
Story by Andrew Stanton

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Hours (2002) - David Hare Made Me Care (Use of Suspense, Transitions)

[Quick Summary: Reflecting themes of the Mrs. Dalloway novel, three women in three different time periods grapple with love, death, and meaning.]

THREE THOUGHTS:

1) This is a tricky adaptation, with a high level of difficulty. The story is more a meditation on a theme (vs. a defined plot) plus three separate story lines.

2)  Suspense.  To be honest, I wasn't all that interested in The Hours.

However, David Hare is one of those exceptional writers one who can engage me, even when I'm uninterested in the subject matter.  How does he do it?

First, he understands good old fashioned suspense, i.e., I-want-to-know-what-will-happen-next. (See example below.)

3) Transitions. Second, Hare, who is a playwright, understands film is built differently than theater. In film, emotions are affected by editing and transitions. (See example below.)

For example, in the scenes below:
- These are two separate, non-overlapping story lines.
- Virginia Woolf and Laura are in different time periods and never meet.
- For suspense: Notice that we wonder what Virginia is going to do. Where is Laura going to go?
- For transitions: Notice how the writer positions the characters and the editing cut. Virginia and Laura are separated by time and space, yet they have the same physical positions = The reader understands that they are going through similar situations.

EXT. HOGARTH HOUSE - GARDEN - DAY

...Then it's silent. VIRGINIA is left alone. She has not moved. She is still looking at the bird's grave. The bird is perfectly at peace and surrounded with petals. VIRGINIA looks. Slowly, VIRGINIA closes her eyes. Her face becomes a death mask.

INT. BROWNS' HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY (1951)

LAURA is lain out on the bed, an identical look on her face to VIRGINIA'S. Then, impulsively, she gets up from the bed.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I'd never thought about using transitions/editorial cuts to convey similarities between story lines, and thus continuing the theme.

The Hours (2002)
by David Hare
From the Pulitzer Prize winning novel by Michael Cunningham

TODAY'S NUGGET: Talented Mr. Ripley (1999) - Empathizing with the Killer-Protagonist

[Quick Summary: Though paid to bring Dickie Greenleaf back from Italy, Tom Ripley becomes obsessed with his life, willing to kill several times for it.]

It's not that Ripley wants to be Dickie, and might also be in love with him. It's that he lurks, trying to exist by taking from Dickie, i.e., a parasite and super-creepy.

The clever, uncomfortable, odd thing about this script is how it makes you empathize with Ripley, a killer and manipulator.  

It's very good at helping us feel what it's like being an outsider like Ripley.

In the scene below:
- Marge acknowledges everyone's feeling about Dickie, which mirrors Ripley's.
- Note that the other characters have more physical movement than Ripley, but we're remain focused on his reactions because he's the unpredictable one.

EXT. THE OCEAN, ABOARD THE BIRD. DAY

The boat is drifting. Freddie and Dickie and Marge are swimming, then Marge climbs back onto the boat, where Ripley is sitting alone, reading.

MARGE: You really should go in, it's marvelous.

RIPLEY: I'm fine.

She approaches him, conscious of his isolation. She's in a red bikini, and she towels herself dry as they speak.

MARGE: Are you okay?

RIPLEY: Sure.

They watch Dickie and Freddie fooling around in the water.

MARGE: The thing with Dickie - it's like the sun shines on you and it's glorious, then he forgets you and it's very very cold.

RIPLEY: So I'm learning.

MARGE: He's not even aware of it. When you've got his attention you feel like you're the only person in the world. That's why everybody loves him. Other times...

There's a yell from Dickie as Freddie wrestles with him.

DICKIE (laughing and choking): He's drowning me!

MARGE: It's always the same whenever someone new comes into his life - Freddie, Fausto, Peter Smith-Kingsley - he's wonderful - did you meet him, he's a musician, ? - ...and especially you, of course...and that's only the boys.

They watch as Freddie pushes Dickie under the surface.

MARGE: Tell me, why is it when men play they always play at killing each other...? I'm sorry about Cortina by the way.

RIPLEY: What about Cortina?

MARGE: Didn't Dick say? - he talked to Freddie...apparently it's not going to work out - (Ripley's devastated, Marge notices, can't look at him) Freddie says there aren't enough rooms.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Characters do not need to be likeable or sympathetic (I agree with what the character is doing), but do need to be empathetic (I understand why they're acting this way).

Talented Mr. Ripley (1999)(draft dated 11/1/99)
by Anthony Minghella
Based on the novel by Patricia Highsmith

TODAY'S NUGGET: Chicago (2002) - Theme Holds Together Fantasy & Actual Sequences

[Quick Summary: Told through fantasy and actual sequences, Roxie Hart is jailed and put on trial for murdering her lover.]

TWO THINGS I LIKED:

1) I like that the filmmakers clearly thought about how to take advantage of film's strengths vs. just replicating the stage musical.

ex. Film switches easily between fantasy, reality, points of view, different locations.

2) I liked that the theme of "life is a stage" is very clear, even between fantasy and actual sequences.  The scene below is a good example of how the flow works.

NOTE:
- Roxie desperately wants to be a stage star like Velma, for the stage to be her life.
- Roxie's case has replaced Velma as the latest headline of the week. Now Roxie is being replaced by Mary Sunshine.
- How do we know Roxie is being replaced? A visual that represents how it feels, i.e., "ROXIE" sign going dark.
- Roxie fakes a pregnancy = She makes life a stage

INT. "STAGE" - NIGHT

On the stage, the "ROXIE" sign goes dark.

INT. COOK COUNTY JAIL - DAY

Velma steps up to Roxie.

VELMA: How's it feel, kid?

She holds up the morning papers, which are filled with stories about the Lakeshore Drive Massacre. 

VELMA: J. Edgar Hoover couldn't find your name in the papers.

She drops the papers in Roxie's hand and starts off. Roxie gives a sudden shriek and crumbles in a faint. She moans, with eyes closed, then lifts her head a little to call out:

ROXIE: Mr. Flynn? Miss Sunshine?

She faints again. The reporters make a beeline for Roxie. Mary Sunshine peers down at her through the open bars.

MARY SUNSHINE: What is it, dear?

Billy turns to a guard, gestures grandly for the cameras.

BILLY: Someone unlock that door immediately.

ROXIE (wan and sweet): Oh, don't worry about...me. I just hope the fall didn't hurt the baby!

MATRON: Baby!

Roxie nods solemnly.

VELMA: Shit.

Roxie and Velma exchange looks. Flashbulbs pop and peppy MUSIC plays ("Me and My Baby")...

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Despite a high amount of razzle dazzle, I never was lost because the theme keeps the script grounded.  

This is always about life and stage imitating each other.

Chicago (2002)
by Bill Condon
Based on the musical play "Chicago"
Book of the musical play by Bob Fosse and Fred Ebb
Based on the play by Maurine Dallas Watkins

TODAY'S NUGGET: 52 Pickup (1986) - How to Amp Up a Thriller-Action-Adventure

[Quick Summary: When a businessman deals with his blackmailers, neither expect the twists and turns.]

This script was an unexpected emotional ride for me because:

1) Characters have REAL reactions: 

It also isolates the key ingredient in Leonard's best novels, which is the sight of a marginal character being pushed far beyond his capacity to cope. In "52 Pick-Up," there are three such characters, and by the end of the movie they are all desperately confused and frightened. -R. Ebert (underline mine)

2) There are REAL consequences = jeopardy & stakes:

The problem with so many action adventures is that nobody in the movie ever seems scared enough. People are getting killed in every other scene, and they stay cool. If the movies were like real life and this kind of torture and murder were going on, everybody would be throwing up every five minutes - like they do in John D. MacDonald's novels. "52 Pick-Up" creates that sense of hopelessness and desperation, and it does it with those three performances - three guys who are in way over their heads and know it all too well. -R. Ebert (underline mine)

I especially like how the writers do this by showing how the situation is edgy for the blackmailers (Bobby, Alan, Leo) as well as the blackmailee (Mitchell):

INT. THE BALL - NIGHT

Bobby strolling into the club. In rear booth sit Alan and Leo. On stage dancing, naked, is Doreen. Bobby walks to booth and sits.

LEO: You want something to drink?

BOBBY: Don't need nothing, man.

ALAN: I can see it. (pause) This guy's not scared yet. He's twitchy, but he's not scared.

BOBBY: Man's lookin' for a way out. So would I.

ALAN: I don't know -- who's he think he's dealing with a bunch of ding-dongs, freaks, clowns?

BOBBY: You getting close.

ALAN: I think we're going to have to dig the hole a little deeper--and man, I got an idea, a way to do it, that's un-fucking believable.

BOBBY: Well, lay it on me, see if I like it.

INT. MITCHELL'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

he sits on edge of bed and reaches into coat pocket for cigarettes. He pulls out pack --sees that it's empty. he throws it angrily at wall. 

MITCHELL: Shit.

He stretches out on his back, staring at ceiling.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When there's real obstacles (greed) + real consequences (death) + no easy way out (no cell phones, internet), tension does rise because the stakes are so close to home.

52 Pickup (1986)(6th draft, 3/25/86)
by John Steppling and Elmore Leonard
Based on the novel by Elmore Leonard

TODAY'S NUGGET: Bean (1997) - Sometimes Comedy Scenes Do Not Translate

[Quick Summary: Bean, a clumsy employee from the National Gallery, causes havoc when he is lent to a LA museum to help with the arrival of "Whistler's Mother."]

I think Stephen Fry nailed the differences between UK & US comedy:
- UK comedy is about character and US comedy is about jokes.
- UK likes to poke fun at themselves. US has a hard time.
- UK likes the loser hero. US almost always is a hero hero.

My advice is ALWAYS write whatever is funniest to you.

However, writers should realize that others may not get it.

For example, this script has many funny scenes, but the one below irritated me. 

In this scene:
- David and family are hosting Bean, but have missed him at the airport.
- Bean arrives first at their home, enters, and pokes around.
- Family comes home, but do not realize Bean is in the house.
- UK readers, help me out: What is the point? I know everything does not have to push plot forward, but how is this funny or tell me more of character (vs. gross)?

INT. THE LEARY HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT

The light is on. DAVID takes a deep breath. Bad night. He picks up an empty coffee jar, sighs and goes into the pantry [for] a full one. BEAN enters. He opens the refrigerator and he studies the food on offer. Nothing he fancies...then he sees a single meatball on a plate.

He picks it up - a little nervously - and pops it whole into his mouth. He has a little suck - doesn't like it one bit - and so takes it out - and puts it back on the plate, closes the fridge door, and exits...

...just as DAVID comes out of the pantry. Close on BEAN's hand as it comes round the door frame and turns off the light. DAVID, on the move, stubs his toe on a chair. He groans in pain, limps to the fridge. He spots the lone, already-sucked meatball and pops it in his mouth.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Some scenes did not land for me - not funny, too long.  

However the script is an amazing 80% non-verbal slapstick (95% for Bean), which likely counts for its success.

Bean (1997)(6/7/96 draft)
by Richard Curtis & Robin Driscoll with Rowan Atkinson

TODAY'S NUGGET: Down With Love (2003) - When Clothes REFLECT Character

[Quick Summary: Barbara Novak, 1960s author of bestseller Down With Love, is set up for a fall by Catcher Block, hot undercover journalist, in a battle of the sexes.]

BAD NEWS: It kind of disappoints in Act 3.

GOOD NEWS: As those who have seen this film several times (like me), you know how the clothes unbelievably perfectly encapsulate/enhance character and tone.

One of the film's best over-the-top moments in the restaurant where Barbara and her editor Vikki walk in and take over, like it's a kitchy 1960s fashion show. 

Notice how Barbara's clothes and movementa proclaim, "Hear me roar!"

INT. THE MAHOGANY ROOM - DAY

....MANTOVANI MOOD MUSIC BEGINS --For even though BARBARA and VIKKI are merely entering the restaurant and taking off their coats, the following is staged like a FASHION SHOW, and is appropriately scored like one.

BARBARA and VIKKI stride like runway models down the entrance steps and freeze, striking a pose. EVERYONE in the restaurant stops to watch.

BARBARA and VIKKI each turn to the left and to the right, and then in one full circle.  They're just taking in the restaurant; we're taking in every perspective of their hats, coats, gloves, shoes and pocketbooks.

BARBARA's coat is one of those just-below-the-knee equilateral triangle numbers, with the matching hat an inverted pyramid on her head. VIKKI's coat is test-tube thin, the matching hat a large flat disk.

Now facing front, they both set their matching pocketbooks on the balustrade at each of their sides and unbutton the giant buttons of their coats, opening them wide so we see the lining, and revealing that underneath they each wear a suit that matches their coats.

The MAITRE D' steps up behind them and slides off their coats, first BARBARA's, then VIKKI's, giving them each a chance to take a solo turn:

So while VIKKI's coat is taken off, BARBARA struts into the restaurant toward the tables with three long strides, freezes again with a pose showing off the suit, then turns and walks back the three long strides to pick up her forgotten pocketbook -- passing by VIKKI who is on her strut forward.

BARBARA waits as VIKKI completes her stride, freeze, pose, turn, and stride back for her pocketbook, then together they follow the MAITRE D' to Catch's booth and are seated.

END MUSIC. FASHION SHOW OVER. EVERYONE resumes lunch.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Showcasing clothes = showcasing how Barbara and Vikki want to be seen as.  It's their internal state on the outside!

Down With Love (2003)(1/22/02 draft)
by Eve Ahlert & Dennis Drake

TODAY'S NUGGET: Kicking & Screaming (2004) - Seeing that 'He's Not Listening'

[Quick Summary: Phil decides to coach his son's soccer team against an opposing team coached by Phil's dad.]

This distant dad-son story unspools exactly as you'd expect.

However, there are nice unexpected moments, like the one below where we see that Phil is not listening and resents his much younger Bucky. 

FYI: "Buck" is their dad.

ex. EXT. BUCK'S BACKYARD - DAY

...They watch Buck for a while.

PHIL: Bucky, how do you do it?

BUCKY: Do what?

PHIL: He just doesn't seem to bother you like he bothers me.

BUCKY: Dad likes pushing your buttons. It's his love language.

PHIL: You know what he calls you? The son he always wanted.

BUCKY: Don't take it so hard.

PHIL: He's like that with you?

BUCKY: Nah. He knows it wouldn't bug me like it bugs you.

PHIL: He's been riding me all my life. When's it going to stop?

 BUCKY: When it stops getting to you.

PHIL: Yeah. I guess you're right.

Phil pops open a beer. He hands it to Bucky. He pops one for himself.

CLOSE ON BUCKY

He's about to take a sip of beer. Phil's hand quickly slaps it out of his hand.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked the pace of this - apparent resolution of conflict, then one beat later we see it hasn't resolved.

Kicking & Screaming (2005)(Oct. 2003 )
by Leo Benvenuti & Steve Rudnick

TODAY'S NUGGET: Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy (2004) - The Discipline of Comedy

[Quick Summary: Ron Burgandy, 1970s lead news anchor, is thrown for a loop when Alicia Corningstone, a new woman reporter, joins the staff.]

4 THOUGHTS:

1)  Sometimes the key to satire is to stay fairly close to the source. "Anchorman," like "This Is Spinal Tap," works best when it's only a degree or two removed from the excesses of the real thing.

2)  If the movie simply focused on making Ron and his team look ridiculous, it might grow tedious, because that would be such an easy thing to do. But it has a kind of sweetness to it.

3)  I like that nothing is off limits in this 1st draft.  There's a very different ending.  The jokes and tangents are unpolished.  However, the basic structure IS there.  The writers DO have something to say.

4) Combining #2 & 3 above: This draft does focus on making Ron ridiculous.  The innuendos are repetitive and tedious, and sweetness is missing. 

These writers were experienced enough to allow themselves the space to buckshot a first draft. Good writing only springs from much rewriting of bad writing.

Here is an example of a tedious scene that was deleted/changed: 

ALICIA CORNINGSTONE, aka: the striking woman from the night before, walks through the door.

BRIAN FANTANA: What the frig...?

CHAMP KIND: That's a lady!

Ron is blown away.

MUSIC: "YOU MAKE ME SO VERY HAPPY" by Blood, Sweat and Tears.

RON: My sweat vision...

ALICIA CORNINGSTONE: Oh my dearest Ron. My sex moose, take me right now on this conference table!

RON: I am engorged!

They jump on each other.

ALICIA CORNINGSTONE: We are doing this right now with no shame!

RON: Let's make a baby!

ALICIA CORNINGSTONE: Get nasty on me! Break the law!

RON: It's jazz, baby! Jazz!!

They fall back and smash through the conference table while everyone applauds.

SMASH CUT BACK TO:

Back to reality from Ron's fantasy.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Comedy requires the discipline of trying, correcting, risking, correcting, trying again.  Only newbies expect good writing from the start.

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy (2004)(1st draft revised, 5/12/02)
by Will Ferrell & Adam McKay

TODAY'S NUGGET: Miami Vice (2006) - Growing Romance Between Characters

[Quick Summary: Crockett and Tubbs try to thwart a Central American drug deal.]

I find this quote from Michael Mann interesting:

I know the ambition behind it, but it didn’t fulfill that ambition for me because we couldn’t shoot the real ending. But whole parts of the film are very evocative to me still, especially when it comes to the romance. It was about how far somebody goes when they’re undercover, and what that really means because, ultimately, who you become is yourself on steroids, manifested out there in the real world. There’s an intensity to your living that’s incredible — the relationships in that world, the really heightened experience of it. And this is from speaking to some people who’ve done a lot of very dangerous, deep undercover over long periods. That’s what Crockett does.

First, I liked the ending of this first draft - it's quite romantic.

Second, I don't really associate "romantic" with Michael Mann, so the amount of romance in the story surprised me (somewhere between 40-50%).

It's a subtle trust thing that grows between Crockett and Isabella, as symbolized by her finally accepting sunglasses in the scene below:

EXT. OPEN OCEAN - "BORN TO WIN"

cuts and then leaps over swells. In seven seconds they're doing over 70 knots. And Crockett holds it there as...

ISABELLA

The wind whips her hair behind her, now. The two are small against the smooth 50' long hull.  Crockett hands her wraparound shades for her eyes. She doesn't want them...

CROCKETT (through headset): So where's the best place for mojitas?

ISABELLA: Bedeguita del Medio. It's the only place for mojitas...

CROCKETT: Where's that?

ISABELLA: Off a little alley with cobblestones. Hemingway went there...

CROCKETT: The Keys?

ISABELLA: Havana.

CROCKETT: Havana? Cubans don't like us or my business...

ISABELLA: Are you afraid? (smiles; Crockett shakes his head "no") Good. And you don't need a visa. Cause you're with me.

EXT. OPEN OCEAN - OVERHEAD "BORN TO WIN" - DAY

rockets from one swell to the next, getting airborne. Wind and salt electrify Isabella.  She turns to Crockett and smiles, putting on the glasses, now. Crockett gestures to her knees.  She should keep them bent. Crockett pushes it to 75 knots...

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The dangerous situation + high stakes make falling in love an even higher tightrope...or addictive experience, depending on how you look at it.

Miami Vice (2006)(9/22/04, 1st draft)
by Michael Mann
Based on "Miami Vice" created by Anthony Yerkovich

TODAY'S NUGGET: Collateral (2004) - Action Gains Depth from Character

[Quick Summary: Max, an innocent L.A. taxi driver, is roped into assisting Vincent, an assassin who is picking off five victims in one night.]

THREE THOUGHTS:

1) "This is a rare thriller that's as much character study as sound and fury." Also, it's rare that a script 167 pgs. (yes, 167) reads half as long.

2) Action gains depth from character.

I was surprised that the script dared (dared!) break away from the 5 assassinations ...and make a pit stop to visit Max's mom in the hospital?  I loved it.

Mann is working in a genre with "Collateral," as he was in "Heat" (1995), but he deepens genre through the kind of specific detail that would grace a straight drama. Consider a scene where Vincent asks (or orders) Max to take him to the hospital where Max's mother is a patient. The mother is played by Irma P. Hall (the old lady in the Coens' "The Lady-Killers"), and she makes an instant impression, as a woman who looks at this man with her son, and intuits that everything might not be right, and keeps that to herself.

These scenes are so much more interesting than the standard approach of the shifty club owner or the comic-relief Big Mama. Mann allows dialogue into the kind of movie that many directors now approach as wall-to-wall action. Action gains a lot when it happens to convincing individuals, instead of to off-the-shelf action figures. - Roger Ebert (my emphasis)

3) Why does this hospital scene work here?

First, the more we learn about character, the higher the stakes.
- ex.  Max's mom has been bothering the dispatcher because Max has not shown up for his nightly visit.  Max is a dutiful, henpecked son. 
- ex. Vincent makes them go because he thinks changes in routine are suspicious.

Second, more stakes = more leverage, as Vincent learns below:

ex.  INT. HOSPITAL ROOM, LOWER FLOOR - MAX - NIGHT

MAX: Hey, mom. How many times do I have to ask you not to do that?

IDA: Do what?

MAX: Talk about me like...I'm...not...in the room, here.

IDA (to Vincent): What's he sayin'?

VINCENT: Ida, he says he's standing right here. In the room. Here.

IDA (to Max): Yesss, you are, honey. (back to Vincent) He's sensitive.

VINCENT: I know. But I'm sure you're proud of him.

IDA (directed at Max): Of course I'm proud. You know, he started with nothing. Look at him today. Here. Vegas. Reno...

Vincent looks at Max...squirming under the exposure.

MAX: Mom, Vincent's not interested. (to Vincent) Let's go.

VINCENT: No. I am interested.

IDA: What's your name, again?

VINCENT: Vincent...

MAX: I came to see you. I saw you. You look fine. Let's go.

He's kissed her and wants to get out of there.

IDA: Limousine companies.

VINCENT: Yeah?

IDA He drives famous people around, you know?

VINCENT: Limousine companies? What an achievement...

Max heads for the door...

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I really like the character stuff because stakes deepen layers, which is emotionally enriching (vs. non-stop wall-to-wall action that can be emotionally numbing).

Collateral (2004)(8/24/03 draft w/revisions)
by Stuart Beattie, with revisions by Frank Darabont, Michael Mann

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Insider (1999) - Subtext --> Actors --> Aha! Bridge

[Quick Summary: 60 Minutes producer Lowell Bergman fights his parent company (CBS) which shuts down his hot story about tobacco whistleblower Jeffrey Wigand.]

In an interview, writer/director Michael Mann stated that his focus was subtext:

INTERVIEWER: There seem to be five things going on in every scene.

MANN: I wanted to direct, I tried to direct the subtext.

He then mentions a particular scene (below):
(Note that:
- Wigand has been fired from working at B&W, a tobacco company.
- Wigand is bound by a confidentiality agreement to B& W, but wants to talk.
- Lowell is asking for Wigand's help on a case unrelated to B&W.)

 INT. A HOTEL ROOM, LOUISVILLE - EARLY EVENING

...WIGAND: Should I just take the documents now?

LOWELL: If you want to do it.

He turns to leave...Lowell gets the door for him...Wigand momentarily slows...

WIGAND: I worked as the head of Research and Development for Brown & Williamson Tobacco company. I was a Corporate Vice President. Mr. Bergman...

And he goes out the door... Lowell's still. Wigand's job title resonates. Lowell turns to the window, casually looking into the early evening...and he comes face to face with what Wigand was staring at, The Brown & Williamson Tobacco Company Headquarters Building, lit up right across the street...

Mann spoke about how the actors played the subtext to get us to the aha! moment:

Al Pacino just took over Lowell’s great reporter’s intuition to sit there and laser-scan Jeffrey with his eyes. You know, he looks at him, looks at him, and doesn’t move, until, after all the fidgeting and shuffling with the papers, Russell, as Jeffrey, gets to say his great line—”I was a corporate vice president”—with the attitude “Once upon a time, I was a very important person.” And that [Mann snaps his fingers] is when Lowell has it. Suddenly, here’s the significance of this meeting: “He’s the former head of research and development at Browne & Williamson Tobacco Company, and he wants to talk to me.” Without hitting anything on the head with exposition, without any of that awful dialogue, like “Boy, have I got a lead which may give us the newsbreak of the decade,” you know that Lowell knows he’s on the scent of a helluva story.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This example shows what subtext is needed to be on the page for the actors to play that kind of subtext.

The Insider (1999)(11/5/99 draft)
by Eric Roth and Michael Mann

TODAY'S NUGGET: Last of the Mohicans (1992) - Describing What the Insult Feels Like

[Quick Summary: An Englishman, adopted as a boy by the Mohicans, fights off French soldiers and a Huron war party.]

SHORT VERSION: It's a fine script for the historical drama it is trying to convey.  However, I'm not sure why I wasn't as moved as I'd hoped.

MY FAVORITE LINE: I thought the descriptor of Cora (below) was very accurate in terms of how the men view her.

Also, it shows how Heyward, who wants to marry Cora, was a bad match. 

INT. MUNRO'S HEADQUARTERS - CORA - NIGHT

...WIDEN: Heyward, Munro, Cora. We've entered mid-argument. An adjutant comes and goes. Heyward and Munro are sensitive to appearances in front of the adjutant. Cora couldn't give a damn.

...HEYWARD: And who are these colonials to pass judgment on England's policies in her possessions? And come and go without so much as a "by your leave?"

CORA: They do not live their lives "by your leave." (beat) They hack it out of the wilderness with tehir own two hands, burying their dead along the way.

HEYWARD (distant): You are defending him because you've become infatuated with him.

Cora is having her intelligence written off as a hormone attack. [This perfectly describes what the insult feels like.] She contains her fury.

CORA: Duncan, you are a man with a few admirable qualities. But taken as a whole, I was wrong to have thought so highly of you.

Heyward's shot through the heart.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Sometimes only a metaphor can describe a feeling.

The Last of the Mohicans (1992)(7/31/90 2nd draft, revised)
by Michael Mann
Adapted by Michael Mann and Christopher Crowe
Based on the novel by James Fenimore Cooper and the 1936 screenplay by Philip Dunne

TODAY'S NUGGET: Manhunter (1986) - What "Cinematic" Looks Like On the Page

[Quick Summary: Graham, a forensic specialist needs Dr. Lecter's help to track down the Red Dragon, a serial killer.]

I've always known that screenwriting was difficult, but I didn't know WHY.

So far, I've realized:
1) It requires a certain kind of skill set.  Some have it, others don't.
2) NO ONE has been able to explain it well.
3) Reading scripts for gems is the only way I've been able to figure it out.

For example, you'll see the phrase "cinematic" thrown around a lot.  A script should be "cinematic." Do you know what that is?  I couldn't figure it out (see #2 above).

Luckily, there's a great example in today's script.

In the scene below:
- Graham (protagonist) has asked for Price to do further tests.
- They are getting results from Price over a speaker phone.
-  I think it's cinematic and lands well because its visuals rely on: a) the non-reaction of Graham AND b) the reaction of Springfield.
- I will also note that this is a skill only born from a lot of writing experience and the confidence from having written a great deal.*

INT. ATLANTA DETECTIVE BUREAU - SQUAD ROOM

...CRAWFORD: Jimmie, it's me, Jack Crawford, and you got Will Graham here.

JIMMIE PRICE (V.O.): I got a partial print with a tented arch that's probably a thumb and a fragment of a palm off the nail of Mrs. Leeds' left big toe. (beat) Thumbprint came off the oldest kid's left eye. It stood out against an eight-ball hemorrhage from the gunshot wound.

CRAWFORD: Can you make an identification off it?

JIMMIE PRICE (V.O.): Maybe. If he's ever been printed and in my Index.  It want to work these up in my own darkroom. I'll fax the prints down to you this afternoon.

Hangs up.

SPRINGFIELD

thought Graham was ridiculous about the eyes and the killer touching Mrs. Leeds. Now Springfield's expression is very changed.

GRAHAM'S

face is blank as he leaves. The gratification is all in Crawford's look to Springfield. Springfield watches Graham all the way to the door, then follows him out.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Though it was visual, I really felt Graham get his due from Springfield. To me, that's what is cinematic: Seeing what the characters feel.**

Manhunter (1986)(8/12/85 draft)
by Michael Mann
Based on the novel, "Red Dragon," by Thomas Harris

*Why do I say this? Because the writer is ending a scene in a very cinematic, visual manner and it works.  Because only someone who has written a lot and knows what works does not care that every screenwriting book will say it is "incorrect" because it should "show, don't tell."

**Or as actor Toby Jones put it: "...the thing about screen acting is that you can read people's thoughts. You are trying to register something inside and usually the eyes in cinema are where you will register that."

TODAY'S NUGGET: Ride the High Country (1962) - Revealing Motive at p. 75 & Raising the Stakes

[Quick Summary: Bank security gunslinger who is escorting mine gold and a woman back to town fends off mutiny and abductors.]

TWO THOUGHTS:

1) WRITERS. Until this interview, I didn't know Peckinpah appreciated writers:

Writing was what opened doors for you, wasn’t it?

Yeah, but it was hell, because I hate writing. I suffer the tortures of the damned. I can’t sleep and it feels like I’m going to die any minute. Eventually, I lock myself away somewhere, out of reach of a gun, and get it on in one big push. I’d always been around writers and had friends who were writers, but I’d never realized what a lot of goddamn anguish is involved. But it was a way to break in. I paid my dues in this business.

2) RAISING STAKES. We know Judd is very determined to escort mined gold to the bank. He hires his former partner Gil who only agrees in order to steal the gold.

I was surprised that we don't know WHY Judd is so determined until around p. 75. 

I was also intrigued that this late reveal of his motive is what sets us in a different direction for the last 1/3, i.e., raises the stakes since it sets Gil off.

EXT. HIGH SIERRA - MOVING SHOT - DAY

...NEW ANGLE

Gil listens in silence.

JUDD: Then one night Paul Staniford picked me up. --He was Sheriff of Madera County then--there had been a fight and I was drunk --sicker than a damn dog. Well sir, he dried me out in jail, then we went out back and he proceeded to kick the bitter hell right out of me.

GIL: That took some doin'..

JUDD: Not much. You see - he was right and I was wrong. That makes a difference.

GIL: Who says so?

JUDD: Why nobody...That's something you just know --. (then) By the time I was able to walk again I found I'd learned a lesson --the value of self-respect.

GIL (dully): What's the worth on the open market?

JUDD:Nothing to some people - but a great deal to me. But I lost it--. These last years the only work I could get was in the places like Kate's back there...bartender, stick man, bouncer, what have you...Not much to brag on.

They ride in silence, then:

JUDD: Now I've got a back a little respect for myself. I hope to keep it...with the help of you..and that boy up ahead.

They ride on, neither one looking at the other, absorbed in his own thoughts. Finally:

JUDD: Pretty country, Gil--

GIL (after a moment): Yeah. (then:) Partner, you know what's on a poor man's back when he dies? (as Judd looks at him) The clothes of pride--. And they're not a bit warmer to him dead than they were when he was alive. (after a moment) What do you want, Steve.

JUDD (finally): To enter my House justified.

Gil looks at him. Then wheels his horse, rides back toward Heck.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I would've never thought to have hold off on a motive reveal until p. 75, but it does raise the stakes.

Ride the High Country (1963)(10/3/61 draft)
by Sam Peckinpah and N.B. Stone

TODAY'S NUGGET: Planet of the Apes (1968) - What Sci-Fi Cloaked in Action Looks Like

[Quick Summary: When three astronauts land on a planet of apes, the only survivor must figure out how to escape his incarceration.]

I'd forgotten what an ACTION picture this is.

I like that the sci-fi element is largely secondary.  It sneaks in, stealth like behind the action, and ends up packing a wallop at the end.

In the scene below, note:

1) how the camera is very active, moving, showing us the astronauts' POV
2) you're so absorbed in trying to make sense of the environment that you don't realize it's a sci-fi

REVERSE ANGLE - FULL PANNING SHOT - THE ASTRONAUTS

Led by Taylor, they dive back into the pool and swim to the other bank. Emerging from the water, they look around in bewilderment. Taylor makes hand signals to indicate absolute silence and a reconnaissance. The three astronauts fan out and move cautiously into the jungle (or rain forest).

EXT. JUNGLE (OR RAIN FOREST)  - SEVERAL SHOTS - MOVING WITH THE ASTRONAUTS

Little sunlight penetrates this dense vegetation. These SHOTS are INTERCUT with:

WHAT THE ASTRONAUTS SEE:

fleeting forms as yet unidentified; trembling foliage; brown shadows against a green backdrop.

EXT. A SMALL CLEARING - FAVORING THE THREE ASTRONAUTS

who stop at the edge of the clearing, startled by

WHAT THEY SEE:

a number of primitive bipeds, male and female, scarcely visible behind the trees and bushes on the other side of the clearing --here a face, there a portion of a head and torso. Throughout this sequence, the primitives are never seen clearly or at close range.

BACK TO THE ASTRONAUTS

reacting.  They speak in whispers.

LANDON: My God...they look almost human.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: If folks are not buying the sci-fi element, try cloaking it as an action story first.

Planet of the Apes (1968)(5/5/67 shooting script)
by Michael Wilson
Based on the novel by Pierre Boulle

TODAY'S NUGGET: In the Mouth of Madness (1995) - Character's Motive Pulled Me In

[Quick Summary: Trent, an insurance detective, must track down Sutter Cane, a horror author who has mysteriously vanished after turning in half his new novel.]

THE KEY REASON I BOUGHT INTO THIS SERIOUSLY WEIRD STORY:

1st thought:  I am a not a horror fan.

2nd thought: I generally avoid horror scripts because most are simply to shock or showcase special effects (blood, gore, gross out) vs. character (fear, dread, dismay).

3rd thought: Thirty pgs. in, I couldn't stop following Trent in a Seriously Weird case with plenty of fear/dread/dismay.  Why would I willingly go on this journey?

I believed his motive.  And it's not money.

Surprised? Me too, because my belief turns on the casual scene below. 

It's not a showy scene, but it's the one that convinced me Trent would go to the ends of the earth because he is driven by the hunt:

INT. ATLANTIC INSURANCE OFFICE - DAY

...A pair of rock-steady hands REACH IN and light the cigarette for him.

TRENT (O.S.): Nervous, Mr. Paul?

We REVEAL John Trent, leaning against the desk that Mr. Paul is sitting in front of. Another man, ROBINSON, sits behind it. Trent is clean, attractive, confident. Light years away from the man we know from cell number nine. He's doing what he likes doing best, catching people in a lie. [This last line in particular did it for me.]

...MR. PAUL (unsure): No...

TRENT: I'm glad you understand. I thought you would, that's why I knew you wouldn't mind if I checked your story out with your wife.

MR. PAUL (sees it coming): My wife?

TRENT: Yes, you see we had three nagging pictures of your wife tooling around town wearing articles which you claimed perished in the fire.

Trent throws a package of photos into Mr. Paul's lap.

TRENT (CONT'D): And you know what else? When I went to speak with her, she was more than eager to tell us what really went down. Especially after I showed her the pictures of Miss Rosa. Who seems to be wearing even more of the articles which you claimed perished in the fire.

MR. PAUL (dazed): Miss Rosa?

Trent throws another pile of photos into Mr. Paul's lap then leans in quite close.

TRENT: Two words of advice my friend. If you're going to pull a scam, don't make your wife your partner. And if you do, don't fuck around behind her back.

Trent smiles.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked the description "doing what he likes best" because it is Trent will seek to do, no matter the situation.

In the Mouth of Madness (1995))(2/21/92 draft w/revisions)
by Michael de Luca*

*Yes, that Michael de Luca.  I've only known him as a mega producer, but he can really write.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Mozart and the Whale (2005) - Showing a Mental Syndrome Like Asperger's

[Quick Summary: Two 20+ yr olds with Asperger's Syndrome have a rocky road to love because of their social difficulties.]

Q: How do you show that a character struggles with an internal, mental syndrome like Asperger's, where he/she does not reason like most do and has difficulty with social cues?

A: Set up him/her up in situations where it is evident in their choices and behavior.

For example, in the scene below:
- Donald and Isabelle have Asperger's. 
- His temp job is driving a taxi, which he does badly.
- He crashes the taxi --> His behavior is not how most people would react --> We realize something is not the expected norm in reasoning ability and social cues.

INT. CAB - DAY

....The Koreans BOLT out of the car, shrieking at Donald and the flower truck driver in rapid-fire Korean obscenities (we guess). Donald gets out slowly, telling Dundee...

DONALD: Stay.

Dundee FLIES out of the car to Donald's shoulder.  Donald look around, oblivious to his victims and the general chaos he has brought to Olympic Boulevard. Advises the cockatiel...

DONALD: It'll take the police, oh, eight, nine minutes.  [He can explain the consequences of his actions, i.e., he is high functioning.]

Instinct. And experience. The truck driver is talking to him, but Donald walks straight past him, bends carefully, and picks up a bunch of irises, brushes them off as he walks toward...

DONALD: An opportune moment. To ring Isabelle. You think?  [However, he has just crashed, people are hurt, and he is concerned with flowers and calling a girl? Something is wrong with the logic and priorities.]

...a public PHONE BOOTH. He is pulling out her neatly-folded information form, getting a little mayo on it that had come from his sandwich. Opens it...

DONALD: You know what's perfect about her phone number...?

He dumps an ENORMOUS handful of CHANGE, mostly pennies and nickels, onto the metal platform beneath the telephone. Gives Dundee the punch-line...

DONALD: ...she's really pretty.

He chuckles at the joke. We've never seen him excited before. He fumbles getting the nickels in. Punches up the number. Looks at the irises. They look all right.

DONALD: Blue is her color.

The phone RINGS, and RINGS, and suddenly...

ISABELLE (O.S.): Yeh, hello...?

And Donald. Freezes. The silence is deafening. Heart-breaking.  [His reaction is very human, but odd because of its timing in the wake of an accident that he caused and forgotten.]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  I think the key is to create a situation where most people would react by doing X --> Donald does Y,  unaware that his behavior is not the norm.

Also, we see why his reasoning is logical to him.

Mozart and the Whale (2005)(12/17/97 rev. 1st draft)
by Ronald Bass

TODAY'S NUGGET: Snow Falling on Cedars (1999) - Increased Stakes = Often Unpleasant Consequences

[Quick Summary: In 1954, a news man reports on the case of a Japanese fisherman accused of killing another fisherman off the waters of San Piedro Island, WA.]

TWO THOUGHTS:

1) I was impressed by this adaptation because of its balance - tone, depth, conflict, layered, past, present. It is like a well constructed sandwich.

2) INCREASED STAKES.  I don't remember being taught much about the Japanese internment camps in the US.

Even if I was, would I have paid close attention? Probably not.

However, this script did that by making the internment the reason the protagonist and his first love are separated.

Suddenly, there are STAKES and CONSEQUENCES, especially emotional ones.

In the scene below:
- As children, Ishmael (protagonist), fell for Hatsue, who was sent to an interment camp.  She wrote him a letter breaking it off, but he never let go.
- Two decades later, he's a journalist and her husband is the accused.
- In flashback, we go back to when they meet again after the war (24 y.o.):

EXT. FLETCHER'S BAY - MORNING

ISHMAEL: Look, I want to forget you, I do. I think if you hold me, just this once, I can walk away and never speak to you again.

She just keeps looking at him. There is a bravery to her steady gaze. Her calm resolve.

ISHMAEL: Please? As one human being to another, just because I'm miserable and don't know where to turn. I need to be in your arms. If it's just for thirty seconds.

His pleading look holds her for a moment. In the silence...

HATSUE: I hurt for you. Whether you'll ever believe that or not.

Feeling behind her eyes. First time she lets it show.

HATSUE: I feel sick sometimes, with the guilt of what I've done to you. And I can't make it right.

She rises slowly. Brushes the sand from her skirt.

HATSUE: To hold you would be wrong and deceitful. You're going to have to live without holding me, that is the truth of the way things are.

She takes one step back.

HATSUE: Things end. They do. Get on with your life.

And turns away. She gathers her baby in her arms. Takes her blanket, her umbrella, her rake and her pail. He watches, never moving, as she gathers her things. Gathers them as if he wasn't there. And with her back turned...

HATSUE: Get on with your life.

She walks slowly away. Her baby cries.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Allow the characters to live with unpleasant consequences.  It raises the stakes, adds reality and depth.

Snow Falling on Cedars (1999)(3/3/97 1st draft)
by Ronald Bass
Based on the novel by David Guterson

TODAY'S NUGGET: What Dreams May Come (1998) - Moment of Despair + Decisive Act

[Quick Summary: Chris, a doctor, dies and goes to heaven, but descends into hell looking for Annie, his wife, who committed suicide after his death.]

I genuinely cried at the Moment of Despair + Decisive Act turning points.

Please forgive this long post, but you won't regret reading the strong writing!

*****SPOILERS AHEAD*****

SETUP of Stakes:
Annie barely held on after she and Chris lost their two kids.  After Chris died, Annie committed suicide and now is in hell, which the Tracker describes for Chris:

When you find her. Nothing will make her recognize you. Nothing will break her denial, it is stronger than her love, in fact reinforced by her love. Denial twists everything around and uses it, do you follow me? You can't outsmart it, you can't beat it....But you can say everything you long to say. Including good-bye. Even if she can't understand it.

PAYOFF - Moment of Despair (Act 3):
Chris finally found Annie!  It's very bad. He comes out of her hell house to report:

TRACKER: You were in there awhile.

And Chris nods. Guess I was.

CHRIS: Took awhile to realize. You were right.

The Tracker adjusts the gun-metal glases. He's not happy to be right. Not happy at all.

TRACKER: Nothing you can do could ever help her. This trip was always just for you.

Chris nods once more. He knows that now. The Tracker clears his throat.

TRACKER: Did you come close...?

CHRIS: ...to losing it? Giving up my hold on the 'real'

His eyes so sad above the smile.

CHRIS (softly): ...oh yeh.

But somehow, very calm.

CHRIS: I pushed it straight to the edge.  That's why I had to come out now...

A flicker of apprehension across the Tracker's eyes, because some instinct anticipates danger.

CHRIS: To tell you I'm giving up...

And in the instant the Tracker relaxes...

CHRIS: Just no. The way you think.

The Tracker freezes. To stone.

CHRIS (softly): Go home, Al. Tell my children I love them...

I do.

CHRIS: And I won't leave their mom.

His eyes say, thanks, Al. For everything. And then...

...he's gone. The door closes STRONG. Forever. [Notice there is NO WAY OUT.]

HOLD on the Tracker. What has he done?

PAYOFF - Decisive Act (Act 3):
I think a decisive act is one where the protagonist rights a previous wrong.  Whether or not the action actually succeeds, it shows us he's learned a lesson.

HELL - INT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM - DAY

[Annie shrieks at a tarantula invading the room. Chris gets rid of it.]

He crosses the floor. Kneels down beside her bed. His face so close to her terrified eyes. But they are watching him.

CHRIS (softly): Where are we headed, babe...?

He reaches so gently, his fingertip brush her arm, and she RECOILS, fearfully. But he doesn't mind.

CHRIS: Are we headed for that pit?

He shrugs. Maybe we are. He leans closer...

CHRIS: In one minute, I won't know you. Any better than you know me.

But...

CHRIS: But we'll be together.

The tears pool in his eyes. He hadn't expected that.

CHRIS: Where we belong.

He folds his hand over hers. She tries weakly to pull it free, but he won't let her.

CHRIS: Good people end up in Hell.  Because they can't forgive themselves.

Staring into her eyes.

CHRIS (whispers): Hell, I know I can't.

She  is staring back. Transfixed.

CHRIS: But I can forgive you.

ANNIE: For what? Killing my children? My sweet husband?

He shakes his head. Nah, not for any of that.

CHRIS: For being so wonderful. A guy would choose hell over heaven...

Leans close. So the last words can be a whisper...

CHRIS: ...just to hang around you. [Decisive Act: Be with her vs. Leaving as he'd done when their kids died.]

And with those words, a light goes out behind his eyes. He blinks, pulls back, looks around...

CHRIS: Christ, what happened to this place? Why is it so...cold?

His arms hug himself against that. And then, his gaze falls on...

...her. And with the non-recognition in his eyes, we SNAP TO...

...his VIEW of her face. So close. The light dawning behind her dark eyes...a wondering... [Decisive act changes things.]

ANNIE: Christy...?

We blink, BLACKENING the screen for an instant. She is up now, on one elbow, pure blind panic...

ANNIE: Oh, god, HELP ME...!

Reaches out to us, blindly...

ANNIE: Christy! Don't give up...!

And BLACK SCREEN.

Silence. In the darkness.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Make sure the Moment of Despair is truly closing a door + Make sure the Decisive Act corrects a previous bad decision = Deeply moving

What Dreams May Come (1998)(12/12/96, rev. 1st draft)
by Ronald Bass
Based on the novel by Richard Matheson

TODAY'S NUGGET: My Best Friend's Wedding (1997) - Rom-Com Protagonists Need to Make Bad Decisions

[Quick Summary: Julianne has a crazy plan to disrupt the wedding of Mike, her best friend from college, whom she's had unresolved feelings for.]

I have mourned the flimsy rom-coms of the last decade.

Recent heroines don't make enough bad decisions with dire heart consequences.

With a stream of good decisions, there's not enough will-they-won't-they suspense.

The scene below is a great example of a bad decision with dire consequences:
- Julianne sends an email from Mike's father-in-law-to-be to Mike's boss.
-She is trying to make it look like the FIL wants the boss to fire Mike --> causing problems between FIL and Mike --> cancelling the wedding --> allowing Mike to be available for Julianne.
-Note the script includes her physical reactions to double crossing her best friend.

INT. WALTER'S OFFICE - DAY

Julianne enter the spacious corner office, high above the city. Closes the door, quietly, behind her. So anxious, she is practically hyperventilating. She goes, slowly to the vacant cherrywood desk. Its computer and monitor standing silent. She is stalking it, like a deadly animal. And then. She is there.

Talking to herself, her own desperate support network...

JULIANNE (softly): You can do this.

Scared, filled with doubt and conflict. Her hands clutch at each other. Then, one flicks out. And the computer goes ON.  The screen GLOWS. Waits for her. Her mouth is sand, her stomach water. She pulls the paper from her pocket...

...looks at it. Looks to the monitor. And begins.  To type...

JULIANNE (mumbling to herself): E-mail address. To Ben Isaacson, Senior Editor, Sports Illustrated, from...Walter Wallace.

And stops. Her heart is thumping.

JULIANNE: See, you can do it. It's easy.

Doesn't look easy. Licks her lips.

JULIANNE: You do it fast, it's over. Like it never happened.

She sits.  And recites as she types...

JULIANNE: Ben. I need a favor.

Here we go. This it. Types...

JULIANNE: My daughter's every happiness. And my wife's. And least of all, my own. Are in your hands.

Nods, okay. Breathing hard. Types...

...She hits a KEY. The screen goes BLANK. The computer asks ... DO YOU WISH TO SEND? She tells the computer...

JULIANNE: Are you crazy? Get him fired?

Types...NO.  The computer asks...HOLD FOR LATER? And she types...YES.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: More bad decisions, please.

My Best Friend's Wedding (1997)(1st draft)
by Ronald Bass

TODAY'S NUGGET: Waiting to Exhale (1995) - Show the Messiness of Internal Conflict

[Quick Summary: The struggle with relationships (loving the wrong man, divorce, finding one's self-worth) through the eyes of four black female friends.]

This script is a draw for actresses because it is wonderfully conflicted and messy.

It is especially apparent when these very loyal women are dropped into situations that are very disloyal and have to figure it out.

ex. Bernadine, whose husband has cheated on her and filed for divorce, meets James, a married business traveler whose wife is dying.  Should these lonely souls have a one night stand?

ex. In the scene below, Bernadine, normally diplomatic to a fault, has lost all diplomacy following her divorce filing. 

INT. BERNADINE'S HOUSE - SUNDAY EVENING

Bernie's still in her Easter attire, watching 60 Minutes, when the doorbell rings.  Looks at the clock. Not time for the kids yet. Wonders who it could be. Opens the front door slowly. Truly disappointed and disturbed to see Herbert.

BERNADINE: What are you doing here?

HERBERT: Why didn't you return my calls?

Does it take a rocket scientist to figure it out?

BERNADINE: Look. My kids'll be here any minute. (beat) You've got a lot of nerve just dropping b...

Not hearing her at all.

HERBERT: I needed to see you Bernadine.

Oh, really.

BERNADINE: Herbert, look. This has been a whole lot of fu...

HERBERT: You don't get it, do you? I love you woman.

Please.

BERNADINE: Well of course you don't. You love getting laid, you love a little danger so long a it stays pretty safe, and most of all, you love hearing yourself talk about it.

Doesn't believe her.  He's in a dream world, on a love high...

HERBERT: I want to marry you.

BERNADINE: Before during or after your divorce? Go home Herbert and try fucking your wife for a change of pace.

A horn honks, and Bernie sees John pull up. The kids start to run out of the car.

HERBERT: I'm filing for divorce next year. As soon as my son graduates. I can't stand her. Haven't slept with her in months. And don't intend to. She bores me to...

BERNADINE: ...death. Of course you're bored with your wife. AREN'T YOU ALL? Look. I don't want to hear all this shit about how you're gonna divorce your wife. Don't you get it? The only reason I fucked you is because you can't marry me.

The kids are now running up the walkway. John's watching with a smile on his face. Bernie's getting very uncomfortable, which makes her even angrier at Herbert. What the hell have I gotten myself into?

BERNADINE: You cheated on your wife, which means you'll cheat on your next wife, and heaven forbid you ever dreamed it was gonna be me.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  Bernadine does not have it all figured out, so let's see it all: the defensiveness, vacillating, bad decisions, etc.

Waiting to Exhale (1995)(rev. 1st draft, 10/4/94)
by Terry McMillan & Ronald Bass

TODAY'S NUGGET: Johnny English (2003) - Using a Set Piece to Show Comedy & Character

[Quick Summary: Johnny English, the last MI5 agent alive, must rescue England from a criminal set on turning it into a dump.]

What is the best way that a writer can help a physical actor like Rowan Atkinson?

Take advantage of set pieces to further the comedy and the character.

For example, in the scene below:
SET PIECE  = Johnny English and sidekick is in a parking enforcement truck with his Aston Martin on the flatbed.  They are stuck in traffic on a bridge.

CHARACTER MOTIVE = They are chasing a hearse and competing against the mysterious Lorna.

COMEDY QUESTION: What is a funny way to use this set piece to showcase English's smarts, impress Lorna, and get him closer to the hearse (goal)?

ANSWER: Apparently it is a Crane + Aston Martin.

ex. AT THE FRONT OF THE QUEUE the hearse has pulled up onto the kerb, then with a ROAR it accelerates PAST THE LIGHTS and away down a side street toward the ROAD BELOW.

Lorna gets clear of the final car and FLASHES AWAY after it.

BOUGH (CONT'D): We're stuck, we'll never get this lorry down that pavement.

THE LIGHTS -- are still red, the LINE OF TRAFFIC isn't moving at all.

ENGLISH: We don't have to, Bough. Fire up the crane.

EXT. REAR OF TRUCK -- DAY

Bough stands by the small HYDRAULIC CRANE, working the levers as he swings the ASTON MARTIN of the flatbed and out over the SIDE OF THE BRIDGE.

CLOSE ON --THE ASTON MARTIN and sitting inside, coiled behind the wheel, English.

ENGLISH: Now, Bough!

Bough shuts off the crane and RELEASES the clamps. The Aston Martin DROPS LIKE A STONE.

EXT. STREET BELOW -- DAY

Lorna is just turning into the street below, ready to speed away after the hearse when the ASTON MARTIN suddenly SLAMS DOWN into the road DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HER.

She SWERVES wildly, the bike THUMPING into the kerb, and as it spins crazily away...

ANGLE -- LORNA

as she's CATAPULTED off the bike flies OVER the embankment, and disappears INTO THE RIVER beyond.

With a grin, English FIRES up the Aston Martin and SPEEDS OFF after the hearse.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: My setup is "The Aston Martin DROPS LIKE A STONE" because of the payoff ("suddenly SLAMS DOWN into the road DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HER."

It's essentially a guy showing off to the girl he likes.

Johnny English (2003)(rev by Will Davies, 3/1/02 draft)
by Robert Wade & Neal Purvis

TODAY'S NUGGET: Enemy of the State (1998) - The Moment It Gets Up Close & Personal

[Quick Summary: When Dean, a bystander to a conspiracy coverup, is framed by the NSA, he frames them in revenge.]

To me, this script reads like this for the first 20 pgs.:

National security breach - blah blah blah  - backstabbing --blah blah blah - politics - blah blah blah - high government officials - blah blah blah.

I didn't care enough, so it bored me.

I didn't care enough because these weighty matters didn't seem to MATTER to these characters.

When did I sit up and care?

When the interaction became up close & personal for the characters:

ex. INT. HARRISON'S DEPARTMENT STORE - EVENING

...The SALES CLERK goes around the counter to the rear area. DEAN glances at the fashion show when he glimpses --

ZAVITZ, hurrying through the women's dressing area, desperately looking for an exit. No luck. ZAVITZ moves toward DEAN, about to break for the front, but HICKS is there searching. Trapped, ZAVITZ ducks behind a display.

DEAN watches, unaware of ZAVITZ's pursuers. Then it clicks...

DEAN: Daniel?

ZAVITZ turns, frightened....

DEAN: It's me, Robert Dean. (beat) From Seth, Silverberg. I worked on --

ZAVITZ: Bobby --

DEAN: It's been a few years.

ZAVITZ: Yeah.

DEAN: I'm just doing some Christmas shopping. It's for my wife, no kidding. Though, this isn't the main present, it's just, you know, a little --

ZAVITZ: I need help.

DEAN: Tell me about it.

ZAVITZ: How can I reach you?

DEAN (beat): Are you okay?

ZAVITZ: Are you still in Crystal City?

DEAN:  Yeah, what's going on?

SALES CLERK (O.S.): I think she'll like this very much.

DEAN: Listen, Daniel, hang on one second.

SALES CLERK: For that matter, I think you will too.

DEAN (to the SALES CLERK): Could you give me just a moment to talk to a friend of mine here? Not about this, but ...Daniel?

DEAN looks around...

...ZAVITZ is gone.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: "Threat to the nation" conspiracies are boring and a dime a dozen. Show me how it gets personal for the characters. WHY does it matter to him/her?


Enemy of the State (1998)(2/10/97 rewrite)
by David Marconi

TODAY'S NUGGET: Training Day (2001) - What Happens Between Characters

[Quick Summary: Jake, a rookie cop experiences his first training day under the wing of Alonzo, a jaded narcotics cop.]

I greatly appreciate that this action/cop drama/muscular script is character based. 

What does that mean? That what happens between characters has meaning, whether it be a conversation or conflict, i.e., not simply guns blazing all the time.

I like that the scene below demonstrates this on a few levels:
- Alonzo is teaching Jake what daily life is like on the streets.
- Alonzo is also asserting "his way or the highway" methods on Jake and the Dealer.
- Jake struggles to comprehend and deal with Alonzo's illegal methods which violate all protocol.
- Jake admires that Alonzo is getting results, yet is repulsed by them.
- There are various power struggles (Alonzo vs. Jake, Alonzo vs. Dealer).

ex. EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

...Jake finishes searching.

ALONZO: No rocks?

JAKE: No rocks.

DEALER (laughing): Aw, dang. See? Ya'll ain't got hit. The man comin' up short again.

Alonzo exits the car. Glares.

ALONZO: I never come up short, fool. (to the Dealer) Open your mouth.

The Dealer does. Sensing to not play with Alonzo.

ALONZO: Lift your tongue.

He does.

DEALER: See. I ain't be gottin' shit.

ALONZO: Gimme a pen.

Jake does. Alonzo grabs the Dealer's neck. Forces the pen in his mouth. Down his throat. He gags --URGH! -- Vomits.

DEALER: Motherfucker!

Jake is stunned. Alonzo inspects the spattered sidewalk. SEES saran wrapped rocks.

ALONZO: Lookie those.

DEALER: That's corn.

ALONZO: That's Jimmy crack corn. One, two, three, four, five...six. How'd you swallow that shit without water?

DEALER: Fuckin' bullshit! Fuck you, civil rights violatin' motherfuckers.

Alonzo SLAPS him.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Action films are not just about what is happening, but what they mean to the characters.

Training Day (2001)(9/27/99 draft)
by David Ayer

TODAY'S NUGGET: To Die For (1995) - Buck Henry, Masterful Wielder of Words for Impact

[Quick Summary: Suzanne Stone will do anything to be on tv, including killing her husband.]

HOLY COW, this was a good read.

First, there is no doubt what Suzanne is all about - Suzanne on tv.

Second, she is a strong character: cold, a good manipulator, but not particularly smart. That's a dangerous combination.

Third, Buck Henry is an amazingly assured writer who knows how to wield words for the most impact.

Example #1: Here, he moves the reader quickly through a house, as the intruder did:

EXT. SUZANNE AND LARRY MARETTO'S CONDO

MOVE across the yard, up through a second floor window into the bedroom, out onto the landing and down the stairs to the front hallway, slowing to SEE a section of carpet near the front door that is a different color from the rest of the carpet, lighter, as though that section has been scrubbed clean. LOOK AT IT and BACK AWAY out the front door and TILT up at the blue sky and:
                                                                       DISSOLVE THROUGH TO:

Example #2: Here, he garners some sympathy for Suzanne. Despite her odd, cold behavior, and husband Larry who enables it, no one seems to appreciate her dream.

INT. SUZANNE AND LARRY'S CONDO - LIVING ROOM

...Angela Maretto lets out a shriek and her hand goes to her mouth.

ANGELA MARETTO: Joe -- Joe --

JOE MARETTO: Are we talking about - ?

CAROL STONE: Oh honey, when did you - ?

SUZANNE: Wait wait WAIT -- CUT. CUT! It's not that!

ANGELA MARETTO: You're not --?

SUZANNE: I'm not pregnant, for god's sake.

She laughs. They all look at her. Larry puts his arm around her.

LARRY: Suzie's got a job.

EARL STONE: What?

LARRY: Over at WWEN. First woman they've ever hired. Is that right?

SUZANNE: That's right.

LARRY: Our Suzie's on her way and nothing can stop her now.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When words are this sharp and this well-honed,  it is not just skill but countless hours of bloody work. Also, it is a 4th (not 1st) draft.

To Die For (1995)(4th draft, 10/25/93)
by Buck Henry
Adapted from the book by Joyce Maynard

TODAY'S NUGGET: A Chorus Line (1985) - Present to Flashback, Held Together By Sound

[Quick Summary: Ex-girlfriend and dancer Cassie tries to meet with Zach, the director-choreographer, while he auditions a group of dancers.]

NOTE: I always hesitate to read first drafts for this blog, but it is the only draft available anywhere, so here goes.

Purely by chance, I've read back to back the two most famous scripts about a dancer's life on stage (A Chorus Line and All That Jazz).

THREE THOUGHTS:

1) They have a wide appeal because they are not just about dancing.  Each revolves around personal, tumultuous relationship(s) that keeps us riveted.

2) All That Jazz is about one man's story.  A Chorus Line manages to also feature stories from the ensemble.

3) I liked how this flashback seamlessly moved from theater--> Zach's bedroom --> theater.  It's all visuals, held together by the tapping sound.

ex. MED. SHOT - ZACH'S LIGHT

He is turning it on and off, rhythmically, nervously, thinking. Then he turns off the lamp and leaves it off. In the dim, available light, we see his hand nervously tapping a pen on the desk.

Shooting over Zach's shoulder, his back remains constant, but now we are in his bedroom. It is dark. On the early dawn light coming through the window. Cassie is asleep in the bed. Zach, an insomniac, is watching her. After a beat, Cassie rolls over and falls off the bed to the floor. Waking up, startled, she looks around, then seeing Zach, starts to laugh.

(During above the only SOUND we hear is the pen tapping on the desk.)

BACK TO ZACH IN THE THEATER

He is still tapping the pen. Thinking.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I never really thought before about sound holding together the visuals until I read this scene.

A Chorus Line (1985)(1st draft, 11/17/82)
by Arnold Schulman
Adapted from the 1975 stage musical

TODAY'S NUGGET: Legal Eagles (1986) - The Off-Handed Compliment

[Quick Summary: Reluctant assistant D.A. takes on the twisted case of woman accused of stealing her painting back from a shady dealer.]

This was an entertaining read, though preposterous and a mish-mash of genres (thriller, mystery, rom-com, etc.)

I did like the chemistry between the two leads, which is best seen in this off-handed compliment scene below.

Notice how his need (approval) dovetails with her need (partnership) and how it builds until the last compliment:

ex. EXT. SOTHEBY'S - DUSK

Logan and Kelly move into the night, crossing the street to his car. Logan is furious at Kelly's prior conduct. She, on the other hand, seems quite cheerful about things.

LOGAN (quoting): "We know those paintings exist. And we think you have them." Didn't you learn anything in law school?

KELLY (ignoring his anger): We really shook him up, didn't we? And that look in your eye at the end - pure, blue steel.  God, I'd like to develop a look like that.

LOGAN: You don't develop looks.  You just.....look.

KELLY: Not me. I practice looks in the mirror. Here's one I picked from you, by the way. Watch the left brow.  I'm cross-examining someone and he gives me an answer I don't buy. Here's the way you do it.

Kelly stops in the middle of the street, raises her left eyebrow skeptically. Logan laughs despite himself, then begin to search through his pockets as they walk again.

LOGAN: Come on, I don't do that.

KELLY: All the time. You stand there and sort of make aquarter turn toward the jury with that exact look. You totally discredited Van Dyke with it.

LOGAN: The Van Dyke case. You were in the courtroom?

KELLY: Some people go to ball games - I go to court. You're the best show in town.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  To stick the landing, off-handed compliments have to be about something deeper.

Legal Eagles (1986)(final shooting script, 10/23/85)
by Jim Cash and Jack Epps, Jr.
Story by Ivan Reitman, Jim Cash, Jack Epps, Jr.

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Crucible (1995) - One Good Line of Dialogue

[Quick Summary:  Scorned girl uses the witch hunt to accuse her ex-lover's wife.]

I did not like this script much.

Though a vengeance tale should be entertaining, I was bored.

(Perhaps because it "is a drama of ideas, but they seem laid on top of the material, not organically part of it"?)

I thought this was the best line:

PROCTOR: Sir, there are them that cannot weep and them that cannot sing --my wife cannot lie.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: All the ingredients were there, but I wasn't rooting for anyone very much.  Hence, the story didn't move me.

The Crucible (1996)(4/19/95 w/revisions)
by Henry Miller
Based on his play