TODAY'S NUGGET: Charley Varrick (1973) - Allowing the Audience to Add 2 + 2

[Quick Summary: After Charley and sidekicks rob a bank, they discover it's unreported mob money and are hunted by an unrelenting enforcer.]

I really liked following these characters around because they always surprised me.  

Or as screenwriter Josh Olson put it better:

You wanna tell a story that, going forward, seems pretty continuously surprising and then going backwards seems pretty inevitable that it ended up there (…) That’s something I think Charley Varrick actually pulls off.

One of the surprises was how the script "let the audience add up 2 + 2."* 

In the scene below, I love how we learn so much without being told:
- Boyle, the president of the bank, is crooked.
- Boyle has previous dealings with Molly, the enforcer.
- The scene flows from Boyle to Molly, like a letter sent from one to the other.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

We are angled on the doors of the Conference Room.

Boyle enters, closes and locks the doors, then automatically rubs an Oriental carving, the God of Money, on the belly, passes down a long conference table and takes a chair at the very end. He pulls a rolling table toward him. This table has a cassette on it which he loads with a blue, translucent plastic tape. He clicks it on, then speaks into a hand mike.

BOYLE: This morning a Western Fidelity Branch Bank in Tres Cruces, New Mexico, was robbed of roughly three quarters of a million dollars. The size of the take...

                                                                              CUT TO

INT. MOLLY'S CAR - BLUE CHEVROLET - DAY

We are close on an identical cassette, playing the same tape as:

BOYLE'S VOICE: ...Plus the urgency of the situation makes it inevitable that I should call on you personally to become involved.

We are pulling back to include the driver of the car, Molly, maybe fifty. He is a powerful man, smooth-faced and piggy-eyed. He is heavy bodied but moves easily and is enormously light on his feet. He has a faint southern accent, a little pussy cat smile and an IQ of 154. He wears a beautifully cut pale gabardine suit, slightly western in tailoring and off-white Stetson, not too wide in the brim. He smokes a heavy, leather-covered pipe. 

BOYLE'S VOICE: All the arrangements will be the same as last time. I hope and fully expect the same kind of outcome. I know you realize that there is extraordinary concern from this end, so please expedite. Good luck.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Don't overload the information, but do make it clear. 

ex. We expect a bank president to ask for help, but not from an enforcer = It is pretty clear that a bank president is up to no good.

Charley Varrick (1973)(8/11/72 draft)
by Dean Riesner
Adapted from the novel, "The Looters," by John Reese

* From Billy Wilder's 10 Rules of Good Filmmaking (h/t to Lubitsch).

TODAY'S NUGGET: Superman 2 (1980) - The Art of Combining a Pratfall, Story, & Romance

[Quick Summary: Superman begins a relationship with Lois Lane, only to be interrupted three Kryptonian criminals arrives to hunt him on Earth.]

I thought this was a great sequel script because it has enough new story AND still has the same themes of Superman I.*

I particularly liked the scene below because it combines several things:
- Story - Lois steps out a window to make Clark prove he's NOT Superman.
- Romance & conflict - Clark wants to rescue Lois, but also protect his identity.
- Pratfall - I'm a sucker for any type of action that add humor and movement.
- Theme - Notice how it is built along the lines of "a love story + man can fly."

EXT. SIDE OF PLANET BUILDING - DAY

LOIS falls through the air.

INT. PLANET STAIRWELL - DAY

A revolving blur shoots down the stairwell.

EXT. STREET - PLANET ENTRANCE - DAY

SUPERMAN is almost instantly at the street entrance to the Daily Planet, looks up.

BACK TO LOIS

LOIS hasn't far to go.

BACK TO SUPERMAN

SUPERMAN inhales, blows up at her with his super-breath.

BACK TO LOIS

The gust of wind hits LOIS, breaking her fall, wafting her slightly upward like a leaf.

ANGLE ON PASTRY SHOP - SUPERMAN'S POV

TWO DELIVERY MEN emerge from the pastry shop, under a closed awning, carrying an enormous wedding cake toward a waiting delivery van.

BACK TO SUPERMAN

SUPERMAN smiles, turns on his X-Ray vision.

ANGLE ON STREET - SUPERMAN'S POV

The heat vision hits the closed metal awning apparatus, popping it open. The awning unfurls over the DELIVERY MEN and wedding cake as LOIS hits the awning, bounces, rolls off the edge, missing the cake by a hair, falling heavily into the fruit pushcart. The PUSHCART MAN screams as fresh fruit, especially bananas, goes flying.

ANGLE ON SIDEWALK

Ripe bananas hit the pavement near the feet of the DELIVERY MEN, burst open.

CLOSE ON LOIS

LOIS, totally smeared and smothered in squishy fruit, looks up in shock.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked that this scene had real story, real stakes, and was not about another set piece that would look great but ring hollow.

Superman 2 (1980)(Mar. 1977, shooting script, revised)
Story by Mario Puzo
Script by Mario Puzo and David Newman and Leslie Newman & Robert Benton (& Tom Mankiewicz (uncredited))

* As mentioned in my previous post, the director's instructions to the writer were: “The most important thing when you look at it is this: make a love story. And prove a man can fly.”

TODAY'S NUGGET: Superman I (1977) - Power of A Love Story + Proving a Man Can Fly

[Quick Summary: After Kal-El is sent to Earth, he becomes Clark Kent and saves humanity from Lex Luthor's schemes.]

THINGS I DID NOT KNOW ABOUT SUPERMAN 1 & 2:
- They were shot back to back. (Part 1 for this week's blog. Part 2 next week.)
- Director Richard Donner, a Superman fan, had this reaction to a previous draft: "[The first draft script] was disparaging. It was just gratuitous action....I was like, ‘Man, if they make this movie, they are destroying the legend of Superman.’ "
- He hired writer Tom Mankiewicz and instructed him: “The most important thing when you look at it is this: make a love story. And prove a man can fly.” 

It is fitting that the first time we see Superman fly is in service of the love story.  

The writers were clever to have him reveal his hidden super-powers to save Lois (which earns our sympathy) rather than fight a bad guy (which isn't as compelling). 

Also, I like this scene because it never cuts Superman a break.   He still faces real obstacles (wrong phone booth) and interruptions (pimp).

EXT. METROPOLIS STREET

The CROWD grows rapidly in size, staring up, pointing excitedly. CLARK arrives on the scene, looks up as well, eyes widening in horro. 

ANGLE ON LOIS - CLARK'S POV

The helicopter dangles half-over the edge of the roof.

BACK TO CROWD

Determined, CLARK pushes his way through the crowd, looking for something.

ANGLE ON PHONE BOOTH - CLARK'S POV

A phone booth stands on the corner - but this is a modern booth - it covers only the top half of the body.

BACK TO CLARK

CLARK shrugs in disgusted frustration, heads for a nearby alley, runs for it.

INT. HELICOPTER

LOIS looks up past the unconscious PILOT to the edge of the roof. She has only one chance. She unbuckles her safety belt, tries to crawl over him. As she moves, the helicopter shifts position, swings out farther over the roof.

INSERT SHOT - CABLE

The cable jerks with the weight. Sparks fly. It holds together by a thread.

BACK TO LOIS

LOIS tumbles back with the movement, falls out the door, grabbing her unbuckled seatbelt at the last minute on the way out.

EXT. STREET - ANGLE ON LOIS - CROWD'S POV

The CROWD screams. LOIS dangles from the roof, holding on to her seatbelt for dear life.

EXT. ALLEYWAY

An incredibly garish BLACK PIMP exits an alley doorway, stoned, stops in awe as he sees: SUPERMAN in full costume, heading toward him, determined.

PIMP: Say, Jim! That is a bad outfit! Who's your tailor, baby? Who cuts your threads?

SUPERMAN: Excuse me...

With a burst of energy, SUPERMAN rises from the ground, flies up into the night sky.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The writers created the best motive one would need to fly (love) and thus did convince me that this man could fly.

Superman (1977)(Mar. 1977, shooting script, revised)
Story by Mario Puzo
Script by Mario Puzo and David Newman and Leslie Newman & Robert Benton (& Tom Mankiewicz (uncredited))

TODAY'S NUGGET: Stalker (1979) - Suspense is Watching a Character Decide

[Quick Summary: A man leads two curious others through the Zone to a room that grants one's deepest wishes.]

Russian director Andrei Tarkovsky, known for big idea films, stated of this one: 

“[T]he existence in the zone of a room where dreams come true serves solely as a pretext to revealing the personalities of the three protagonists.”

So if the room is unimportant, what is? How the characters act and react on their way to the room, which shows us their priorities and fears.

It sounds boring...yet the writers managed to keep my attention with suspense of what the characters would choose to do.

For example, in the scene below:
- Stalker tells his paying clients (Writer, Professor) that there are booby traps to the building. 
- Writer, who is impatient w/Stalker's method, decides to take a direct path instead.
- Note how each reacts (Stalker - safety first; Writer - impatience; Professor - fear)
- Also note that I'm not so focused on getting to the room, but on the decisions.

EXT. FIELD - DAY

...Writer begins to move toward the building. Stalker moves in front of him.

STALKER: Wait -

WRITER: Take your hands off me.

STALKER: All right. Then let Professor be my witness, I didn't send you in there. You're going on your own free will.

WRITER: On my own free will, anything else?

STALKER: No. Go ahead.

Writer slowly walks toward the building.

STALKER (CONT'D): And God hope you're lucky.

Writer gets closer.

STALKER (CONT'D): Hold on! If you suddenly notice something or...or even feel something strange, even the slightest thing, come back right away! Otherwise-

WRITER: Just don't throw anything else at my head.

Writer keeps going, getting closer and closer to the building. He takes careful steps.

A voice.

VOICE: Stop, don't move!

Writer freezes. He stops and stares at the building.

STALKER: Why did you do that?

PROFESSOR: What?

STALKER: Why did you stop him?

PROFESSOR: What do you mean? I thought it was you. 

Professor and Stalker exchange glances. Writer walks back to Professor and Stalker.

WRITER: What happened? Why did you stop me?

STALKER: I didn't stop you. 

WRITER: Who then? You?

The three look at each other.

WRITER (CONT'D): What the hell?

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This script was able to get across big ideas in very little space (58 pgs.) , in large part because the suspense is all in the characters, not plot.

Stalker (1979)
by Boris and Arkady Strugatsky
Based on the short story, "Roadside Picnic," by Boris and Arkady Strugatsky

TODAY'S NUGGET: Fearless (1993) - A Broken Script; Flashbacks Used to Show Present Emotional State

[Quick Summary: After surviving a plane crash, Max no longer wants to live with fear, disrupting his entire life.]

Writer-director Peter Weir was unhappy with the A-list scripts he was getting.

"Give me things that are unusual or difficult," he asked, i.e., "broken scripts."

Q: What was "broken" about it? 

A: It was good writing, daring writing. But I thought it was two movies. The first 25 pages were a film about how you'd cope with the knowledge that you were going to die, taking the point of view of a man who knew about aircraft and knew that the hydraulics were gone and so there was no steering and no braking even if the plane got on the ground. Then there was the second film, which was about how you live once you survive. I couldn't see a way to do it as one film.

And how did he fix it?

A: I was just driving around listening to music, and I realized I could do anything I liked, as long as the story remained about life and death, or rather, love and fear, which was more to the point - you can't say anything about death because you don't know about death. You could certainly talk about fear. I used parts of the crash as flashbacks to show what the characters were still working out, the way one does after any kind of trauma. (my emphasis)

But what was Max working out?

A: ...[the crash] erases his fear of death. That may be an enviable state, but it’s also a state that separates you from other people because it can take you into the realm of having no feelings at all—and this too is something he has to deal with. Having no fear of death, he has to consciously choose to be in life, and we see him struggling with this choice.

I like this flashback is NOT used as an information dump, but is used to show us Max's present state of mind and what he is struggling with now:

INT. DAY - STAIRCASE

Max runs up a flight of institutional firestairs frantically.

EXT. DAY - ROOFTOP

Max appears out of a door from the stairs. He's breathless. We are forty-seven stories up. There's a sweeping, scary view of the East River.

C.U. MAX -- The strain goes away and his face relaxes...

FLASHBACK - INT. DAY - TRANSCON PLANE

MAX AND JEFF --

The plane is falling, out of control. The noise is deafening. They are rigid, heads pressed back into the seats. The plane is tilted to Max's left. 

MAX (angry): We're going down!

JEFF (pure terror): Oh God...

Max fights the gravity to look at his partner .When he manages to catch Jeff's horrified eye:

MAX: I told you so!

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The flashbacks were the easiest element to spot, but this script also had a strong grip on theme, voice, and foreshadowing unease that Max is not as ok as he claims to be.

Fearless (1993)
by Rafael Yglesias
Based on the novel by Rafael Yglesias

TODAY'S NUGGET: Get Carter (1971) - Screenplay Form Is Often Ugly; How to Use Present-Flashforward Transition

[Quick Summary: When his brother is mysterious killed in a northern town, London enforcer Carter investigates why, despite being advised against it.]

TWO THOUGHTS: 

1) SCRIPTS ARE BUILT OUT OF NECESSITY. Scripts are cobbled together each time from scratch - misc. screws, scrap lumber.  Ergo, they're often ill-defined, ugly.

"Also I must admit that screenplays are not a literary form I relish; their function is, of necessity, an ill-defined one." - Director-writer Mike Hodges

2) UGLY SCRIPT = OFTEN GOOD SCRIPT? This 84 pg. script is quite ugly looking on the page. Nearly 1/4 of each line is taken up by Scene, Ft., Frame numbers. 

However, it's got a crackling structure. 

For example, the flash forward sequence below:
- This is an excellent transition cutting between present and flash forward.
- Glenda has just fetched Carter to see her provider Mr. Brumby.
- Brumby wants to hire Carter for a hit, but Carter rebuffs him and walks out.
- Notice the purpose of the transition: 
a) The flash forward is what will happen to Carter and Glenda.
b) It is also a visualization of  what Carter is hoping for in the future, and thus increases the anticipation of the scenes in the present.
c) It also adds unexpected interest to an inevitable end.

[Carter is exiting Brumby's house.]

MLS - LIFT doors opening - CARTER comes out - CAMERA PANS R. with him - he goes away to r.b.g. - GLENDA drives in L - stops

LS - CARTER getting into car - she drives out L.

CU - GLENDA driving

INT. CAR  MCS - onto backs of CARTER AND GLENDA as she drives through street

CU - GLENDA'S HAND changing gear

CU - CARTER

CU - GLENDA'S LEGS from Carter's p.o.v.

INT. GLENDA'S BEDROOM. CU - GLENDA'S BOTTOM as she slips panties off - CAMERA PANS DOWN her legs with them

INT. CAR. CS - GLENDA'S HAND changing gear

 CU - CARTER

CU - GLENDA - CAMERA PLANS DOWN

INT. BEDROOM. CU - CARTER'S HAND on Glenda's breast - CAMERA PANS UP to them kissing in bed.

INT. CAR. CS - GLENDA'S HAND AND LEG

INT. BEDROOM. CS - GLENDA AND CARTER making love - CAMERA PANS DOWN

INT. CAR. CS - GLENDA'S HAND AND LEG

INT. BEDROOM. CS - CARTER'S BACK as he makes love

INT. CAR. CU - GLENDA'S HAND changing gear

INT. BEDROOM. CS - CARTER'S BACK and GLENDA'S NAILS scratching it

INT. CAR. CU - GLENDA'S HAND changing gear

INT. BEDROOM. CS - GLENDA'S BREAST AND BACK

INT. CAR. CU - GEAR LEVER AND GLENDA'S HAND changing gear

INT. BEDROOM. CU - CARTER'S HAND on GLENDA - CAMERA PANS R  to their faces as they make love

CU - SPEEDOMETER swinging round past 100 and back

CU - GLENDA'S ARMS round CARTER - CAMERA ZOOMS OUT to MLS them in bed

CU - CARTER - as GLENDA rolls aside

CU - GLENDA as she rolls onto back

CU - GLENDA'S HAND turning ignition off

CU - CARTER - eyes closed - CAMERA PANS R to CU - GLENDA

CU - EXHAUST PIPE of car - CAMERA PANS UP over top of car to BLOCKS OF FLATS in b.g.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The flash forward was used here in at least two ways: to help us feel what Carter is feeling now, and to show us what will happen in the future.

Get Carter (1971)
Directed and written by Mike Hodges
Based on the novel, "Jack's Return Home," by Ted Lewis

TODAY'S NUGGET: Hard Eight (1996) - An Excellent Note; Best Way to Grasp "Writer's Voice"

[Quick Summary: In Reno, Sydney, an old timer, takes under his wing John, an aimless young drifter who falls in love with misfit Clementine.]

TWO THOUGHTS:

1)  EXCELLENT NOTE FROM WRITER TO WRITER.  

Q: Was there an experience or conversation at the [Sundance] Lab that ultimately shifted a direction of the film?

A: I had written a scene where two people talk about doing a scam. I had written one guy telling another guy about a scam that he could pull to get a. free hotel in Vegas. I sat down with Richard LaGravenese [also in the Lab], and he said, "Why am I reading about this? Why am I not seeing it?" And I thought, "Well, that's kind of incredible. Why don't I show it?" That's just a very basic thing, one really strong  thing I took. (underline mine)

2) WRITER'S VOICE.  

- What is it?  Over the years, I've learned that it's an intangible feel (pace, rhythm, word choice, etc.) imbued in your writing that sets it apart from others.

- How do I get it?  No surprises here: Reading widely (scripts, novels, etc.) 

You have to get really comfortable in the word saddle to see how others tell a story and lay it out, so that you can figure out how you like to lay out a story too.

In the example below, I think the writer of this script shows that he has an intimate voice that makes us curious about the dynamics between two strangers:

EXT. COFFEE SHOP/PARKING LOT - DAWN

CAMERA holds on a coffee shop off a stretch of highway.

The back of a FIGURE enters FRAME at waist level. CAMERA DOLLIES BEHIND THE FIGURE, HOLDING AT WAIST LEVEL, ACROSS THE PARKING LOT, APPROACHING THE COFFEE SHOP ENTRANCE.

Sitting on the ground, outside the door is an unshaven man, late twenties, JOHN.

The FIGURE passes by him, enters the coffee shop. 

CAMERA holds on John. BEAT. The Figure steps back out of the coffee shop.

FIGURE (OC): Hey...

John holds his head in his lap.

FIGURE (OC): Hey.

JOHN: What?

FIGURE (OC): You want a cup of coffee? (pause) You want a cigarette?

John looks up.

JOHN:...what...?

FIGURE (OC) I'm a guy who's offering to give you a cigarette and buy you a cup of coffee.

                                                                       CUT TO:

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Voice is the writer's footprint, the way they tell a story.  

That being said, it does require time to acquire boots to create a said memorable footprint.

Hard Eight (1996)(1/24/95 shooting script w/revisions)
by Paul Thomas Anderson

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Taking of Pelham 1, 2, 3 (1974) - Making A 150 pg. Thriller Feel Like 90 pgs.

[Quick Summary: Four men take 16 NYC train passengers hostage and demand $1M from the city, or they will start killing hostages.]

What makes a 150 pg. thriller speed by, as if you're floating on air?

1)  Well rounded characters.

In fact, pretty much every character, no matter how incidental, gets a little moment to shine, an eye roll here, a snappy line there.

 2) Humor.

As The Dissolve said about the film, “Most of the movie’s humor comes from the same thing that ratchets up the movie’s tension: the thrilling hostility constantly wielded by every New Yorker against every other New Yorker. ....No situation is complete without kibbitzing or argument, and everyone has to put their two cents in. Even the bystanders who are onscreen for mere moments. Even the hostages in danger, who can’t help telling their captors that the million-dollar ransom is “not so terrific.” They’re mostly pissed off their commute is on hold—

In the scene below, notice how fast and how much information you're getting from the characters' attitudes and reactions. Also, note its NY sense of humor.

INT. SUBWAY - FIRST CAR - PASSENGERS - BLUE'S POV

...At the far end, Brown guards the rear door. At mid-car, Grey stands with his legs astride.

ANOTHER ANGLE

Including Blue and, behind him, at the front storm door, Green.

BLUE: The city has agreed to pay for your release.

No one quite knows how to greet this news -- except the Pimp who slowly, mockingly, claps his hands together.

PIMP (drawling): Far out, man --

Blue starts forward, walking slowly, looking at passengers on both sides of the aisle as he goes.

MOTHER: As soon as the money gets here -- will you let us go?

BLUE: No -- but soon afterwards.

OLD MAN: Do you mind telling us now how much you're getting?

BLUE: What difference does it make?

OLD MAN: A person likes to know his worth.

BLUE: A million dollars.

OLD MAN: Each?

BLUE: Altogether.

OLD MAN (disappointed): That's not so terrific.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This script is an unusually smart use of characters, humor, and tension that creates an environment in which I'd like to spend time.

The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974)(Rev. 1st draft, 4/16/73)
by Peter Stone
Based on the novel by John Godey

TODAY'S NUGGET: Bringing Out the Dead (1999) - Earning the Emotional Landing

[Quick Summary: Over several nights in NYC, a tired, burned out emergency medic wrestles with how to constantly face life and death while on the job.]

This is a well written adaptation, full of raw emotions. 

It's a pretty bleak situation. Frank and his medic co-workers numb themselves from the tragic situations that they encounter every day.  

However, in the middle of a downward spiral, Frank connects with Mary, the estranged daughter of a recent heart attack case.   

The script excels at putting Frank through the wringer.  It externalizes how close he is to the edge, as well as wrestle with how he feels about Mary, who grounds him. 

So when Frank finally gets his big moment with Mary, I felt he earned it. 

EXT. MERCY EMERGENCY -- NIGHT

...MARY: OK, last night I was weak. It won't happen again And all that shit I said --it was just because I was stoned. Forget it.

FRANK: No problem. Thanks for letting me crash. It was the best sleep I've had in months. I used some of your soap.

MARY: I wish these people would leave already. I can't listen to another story. Did you see him? (Frank doesn't answer) That doctor says the brain is coming around. They're waitin gfor the heart to stabilize. I don't know who to believe. He says they still have to keep him tied up.

FRANK: Can I bring you something back to eat --a falafal, some pizza?

MARY: No, we just ate. I only remember how tough my father was. Now I know he had to be like that, to make us tough. This city'll kill you if you aren't strong enough.

FRANK: No, the city doesn't discriminate. It gets everybody.

Walls flashes 16XRay's headlights, hits the horns.

FRANK (CONT'D): I gotta go. Another call.

Frank, his heart pounding, steps closer to her.

FRANK (CONT'D): We're all dying, Mary Burke.

He leans as if to kiss her.

MARY: This is not a good time.

FRANK: There is no time.

He places his hand on her shoulder, kisses her lightly, walks toward Walls and the waiting ambulance.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This emotional moment felt just right and stuck the landing: the tone, brevity, Frank's renewed confidence.

Bringing Out the Dead (1999)(1st draft, 11/7/97)
by Paul Schrader
From the novel by Joseph Connelly

TODAY'S NUGGET: McCabe and Mrs. Miller (1971) - Knowing Your Director's Process; Tone Turns to Business

[Quick Summary: In 1897, McCabe opens a tavern and brothel (run by his partner Mrs. Miller), but becomes a target when he won't sell out to a mining corporation.]

TWO THOUGHTS:

1) KNOWING THE DIRECTOR'S PROCESS. Director/writer Robert Altman was an auteur, but also was known for making bitter enemies out of his writers. 

I think most writers could've handled: 
- His disregard for the script (very common in the industry)
- His organic, ever changing method of film making (very common)
- His concern for emotional rather than literal accuracy (very common)

However, I think the crux was that he would've done it all himself if he could have (something every writer should be aware of):

Brian McKay, who has worked with Altman more frequently than any other writer, says, “If you want me to get in line with the rest of the angry writers, I will, but it’s more complicated than that. I think what Bob really wants is the European credit: ‘A Film by Robert Altman.’ And, often, he deserves it.” Seven years ago Altman told McKay, “Remember this. I take all the credit and most of the money when you work with me.” Through several television series, “Brewster McCloud,” “McCabe & Mrs. Miller” and a number of never-made films, McKay remembered. “Now I don’t think I’ll ever work with Bob again,” McKay says, but he looks back on the association with affection. “I can’t think of one person who was hurt from his association with Bob Altman—except emotionally.”

2) TONE TURNS TO BUSINESS.  As Ebert points out here, this is a business relationship between McCabe and Mrs. Miller.  

I was surprised how fast the tone could turn, even after love making:

INT. MRS. MILLER'S BEDROOM

...McCABE: You don't never find no better man than me, Madame.

CONSTANCE: I never belonged to a m an before and I never will --You want to do something for me? Buy me out, you cheap son-of-a-bitch and let me go to San Francisco and build my boarding house.

McCABE: That's what you'd like, isn't it?

CONSTANCE: You're Goddamn right it is. What do you think? That you're some great lover or something? You don't even take off your long johns. Sleeping with you's like taking a bath with your socks on.

McCABE: Well, figure out what you got coming, 'cause I had an offer yesterday from the Bearpaw Territorial Mining Company.

All the foregoing words were shouted in anger and designed to hurt by both of them...but a real offer to sell is something else again. Mrs. Miller thinks on her reply before she answers, her tone changing.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Part of the tragedy was that the script kept everything transactional, even the romantic bits.  It kept the tone consistent and realistic.

McCabe & Mrs. Miller (1971)
by Brian McKay and Robert Altman
Based on the novel, "McCabe," by Edmund Naughton

TODAY'S NUGGET: Kundun (1997) - How to Show A Character in Multiple Ages All at Once

[Quick Summary: The story of the Kundun, the 14th Dalai Lama, from childhood to his 20s and dealing with the Chinese take over of Tibet.]

This film's cinematographer has stated that the movie is "very much a poem, rather than a traditional narrative film," more of a "mood piece" than anything else. 

I agree.  The visuals in the script seemed more interested in evoking a feeling rather than laying out plot.

Below is my favorite scene on the page.  I liked that I was never confused who was before me - the present (Tenzin Gyatso), past (Lhamo) or future selves.  

EXT. HILLTOP DAWN

The body of the Dalai Lama's Father lays on a flat boulder.

Incense smoke curls into the air. Prayer wheels are turned, hand drums are played - the burial men stand off to one side, their hatchets and knives in view.

Tenzin Gyatso is present. He is the boy we know, but beside him stands the four year-old boy, Lhamo, from the beginning of the movie, and on the other side of him stands the boy who will play the Dalai Lama in the next section of the film - a boy about fifteen or sixteen.

Tenzin Gyatso wraps his brown rosary around his left wrist. The beads catch the brilliant afternoon light. The sixteen year-old Dalai Lama wears the same colored rosary around his left wrist.

The cutters move in to the corpse, and as we hear them begin the work of dismembering the body, the view pans up to the reveal the vultures circling overhead.

The last person leaving the hilltop with is the Dalai Lama as an older man - not a character from this movie - but a man of about fifty years, wearing glasses, wearing the same robes, the same rosary. Little Lhamo walks beside him.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  Don't be afraid to write a little more in favor of clarity. The reader will forgive a few extra words, but won't if it is muddled.

Kundun (1997)(10/16/92 draft)
by Melissa Mathison

TODAY'S NUGGET: Moon (2009) - To Avoid "All Flash, No Substance" Sci-Fi, Focus on Behavior

[Quick Summary: Sam, a helium harvester, thinks he's two weeks from going back to earth, but finds out he's not the only one on the moon.]

Q: What question does this film ask?
A: What would it be like if you met yourself?

Q: Why use sci-fi for such a philosophical question? Why does the best sci-fi work?
A: See quote below.*

Q: How do you avoid "all flash, no substance" of small budget, sci-fi films?
A: Focus on behavior.

In the scene below, notice:
- This is typical office hallway scene. 
- However, we are riveted on two characters interacting.  We are not paying attention cool props! cool lighting! cool costumes!

INT. CORRIDOR -- DAY, CONTINUOUS

Sam 2 exits the Parking Bay and removes his helmet. Down the corridor he sees Sam 1 standing outside the Return Vehicle: facing him, waiting.

SAM 2: I saw three more of those jammers. The base is surrounded. I printed out their coordinates --

Sam 2 begins to remove a piece of paper from his pocket, but suddenly stops. He can tell by Sam 1's expression that something has happened.

SAM 2 (CONT'D): What? What is it?

SAM 1: I found your secret room.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When in doubt (&/or when sets take up 1/3 of your budget), focus on behavior.

Moon (2009)(12/11/07 shooting script)
by Nathan Parker
Story by Duncan Jones

*From a longer interview with the director:

Science fiction seems like a great way of exploring a lot of philosophical questions.
The beauty of science fiction is that it takes the audience’s guard down; they’re much more willing to open themselves up and allow themselves to be questioned and have their values questioned when they don’t think we’re talking about their world or them and what they’re used to. Put it in a science fiction setting and all of a sudden it’s an other, it’s something completely alien to them, but you can actually talk about something that’s incredibly close and incredibly human and very personal, but because their guard is down they’re more willing to accept it. Which is why I think a lot of the best science fiction literature is stories and ideas that really delve into human nature as opposed to the flash and the sexy sci-fi stuff which is maybe one of the reasons films these days may be taking a step away from that. (my emphasis)

TODAY'S NUGGET: Silent Running (1972) - If You're Struggling with Writing Sci-fi, Focus on Allegory

[Quick Summary: In hope of re-establishing vegetation on Earth, a botanist disobeys orders to destroy the last forest in the universe, even killing co-workers.] 

CONS
- This was not an exciting script for me to read.  Good, but not exciting.
- Would I have green lit this based on the script alone? Probably not. 

PROS
- This is a well-regarded sci-fi film by a well regarded director.
- It is about humanity (a deliberate decision for the director who had just finished the special effects on Kubrick's 2001, which is NOT about humanity).

So what saves it?  It's got allegory, which are in short supply in sci-fi these days.

Allegory - (n.) a representation of an abstract or religious meaning through concrete or material forms; a symbolical narrative.

For example, in the scene below:
- Lowell has just murdered his co-workers. 
- He now suffers the wounds physically (leg) and psychologically (guilt).
- Is the crow real? Does it matter? Either way, it hits the same emotional spot.

INTERIOR, SHIP, MAIN CONTROL

We see LOWELL again, sitting motionless, still shaking his head, back and forth.

A droplet of blood begins to form on his wound.  The droplet grows large, huge, and falls, with a plip.

Another begins to form, falls, with a plip.

                                                             CUT TO:

INTERIOR, CORRIDOR OF MAIN CONTROL

Far away, down the empty, shimmering floor, the black crow appears, walking out from around a corner.

The crow pauses, peering left and right, then takes to the air, flapping up the corridor into CAMERA.

                                                             CUT TO:

INTERIOR, MAIN CONTROL

Slowly, as LOWELL's eyes swim back in focus, he sees it ---huge, sleek, glossy black, perched right opposite on the radar screen.

For a moment, blankly, LOWELL stares at the bird. Then, as he stares, sitting bolt upright in his chair, the crow flaps off across the room.

LOWELL blinks, straining to keep the bird in focus. Then, as he turns, confused, trying to determine where he is, he notices the blood.

Terrified, LOWELL stumbles to his feet, backing off, away from it. He looks down at his leg, unwillingly; then up again, at the gleaming puddle, and the black crow.

Panic comes, closing on him, breaking over him like a wave, submerging him. Breathless, gasping, LOWELL wheels, lurches across to the three monitors standing by the wall. Frantically, he tries to start them. One. Then the next and the next...

LOWELL: Come on...Come on!!!

For a moment nothing comes to him, and then, realizing what the problem is, he curses himself, and moves across to the LR 260 Program Control.

Screaming, waving the crow away, LOWELL sits, inserts three cards and begins punching out a code.

                                                           CUT TO:

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I can see the allegory on the page, but it wasn't nearly as magical as the moving images. (I think people call this 'execution dependent.')

Silent Running (1972)(dated 12/6/70)
Story and script by Deric Washburn and Michael Cimino

TODAY'S NUGGET: Midnight Run (1988) - Intricate Setup-Payoffs in an Excellent Action-Comedy-Thriller

[Quick Summary: A stubborn former-cop-turned-bounty-hunter has to transport an equally stubborn, bail jumping accountant from NY to LA.]

I think the rousing success of this film was due to:
- 50% casting (an unlikely, equal pairing of De Niro* and Grodin) and
- 50% a strong script (two strong characters, motives, chemistry, conflict, irony).

The script is a fun and looks so easy.  However, on a closer examination, I am impressed at the high level of difficulty, as it is quite intricate.** 

First, every scene has great subtext and is doing double or triple duty. 

Second, every scene is dependent on other scenes for context, for setups and payoffs - whether it is the next scene, the previous, or even twenty scenes later.

For example, the scenes below is funny, but funnier if you know the context:
- Bail bondsman sent Walsh (protagonist) to pick up Bouchet, a bail jumper.
- Bail bondsman also sent Dorfler in case Walsh failed.
- Walsh got to Bouchet first, but Dorfler took the quarry into his car.
- Walsh outwitted Dorfler, and took Bouchet and Dorfler's car.
- Notice this scene reveals character (revenge on the unjust) and is also a payoff.

EXT. L.A. COUNTY JAIL PARKING LOT - NIGHT

Walsh drives down the street, slowing Dorfler's car outside of the L.A. County Jail parking lot. He pulls in. Part way.

INT. DORFLER'S CAR - NIGHT

Bouchet looks at Walsh.

WALSH: Open your door.

Bouchet, confused, opens the car door. Walsh does the same with his car door. Then he BACKS UP quickly.

EXT. L.A. COUNTY JAIL PARKING LOT - NIGHT

Both doors are RIPPED off the car by the two pillars at the entrance. Then, Walsh swings Dorfler's car into the parking lot through the exit. The tires EXPLODE as Walsh proceeds the wrong way over the metal teeth tha tblock incoming traffic. Walsh keeps moving and SLAMS into a brick wall, CRUNCHING the front end. Then Walsh puts it in reverse and ROARS into the parking spot he targets, CRUNCHING the rear end of the car against another brick wall.

INT. DORFLER'S CAR - NIGHT

Walsh looks at Bouchet.

WALSH: We get out here.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This script is a reminder that nothing this intricate and impeccable exists without a lot of hard work.

Midnight Run (1988)(7/31/87 draft)
by George Gallo

* "Here he proves to have comic timing of the best sort - the kind that allows dramatic scenes to develop amusing undertones while still working seriously on the surface. It's one thing to go openly for a laugh. It's harder to do what he does and allow the nature of the character to get the laughs, while the character himself never seems to be trying to be funny."

**In an interview with director Martin Brest, he said that the "script was intricate in structure that it required the two to come onto the Paramount lot on the weekend when no one was around and spread out eight folding tables in their garden area to chart out every scene. ("George actually said, "I can't take the pressure," Brest laughed,)"

TODAY'S NUGGET: Ronin (1998) - One Key to Seeing Past the Bad Writing to the Good Story

[Quick Summary: In Nice, France, a group of double-crossed mercenaries hunt down the traitor.]

Is there a big difference between bad writing and bad story? Yes.

How long does it take to figure out they are not the same? A LONG, LONG time.

What is the reason?  It is hard to understand the mechanics of WHY a story works.  It is much easier to fix one (writing), than the other (story).

For example, the narratives in this script were often overwritten and gun-happy:

The movie is essentially bereft of a plot. There's an explanation at the end, but it's arbitrary and unnecessary.

So why is the story still good?  For me, it was the emotional stakes.  Also:

“Ronin” is really about characters, locations and behavior.

As you read the two scenes below, try to ignore the length and amount of detail.  

Instead, pay attention to the flow from one scene to the next, i.e., how Deirdre behaves on the street ---> Watcher cleaning nails above. 

EXT. BACK OUTSIDE - SAME TIME.

The PAY PHONE makes a sharp noise as it's cracked back into the cradle. Deirdre stands at the phone booth, lost in thought. Then, without warning - Deirdre spins around, pulling TWO GUNS from inside her coat. The move is fast, performed with the grace of a professional killer, as Deirdre scans the horizon, but nobody seems to be watching. Deirdre  pockets her guns and steps into the shadows of the street, the better to watch -

THE BAR - And as Deirdre watches the bar we watch her.
PULLING BACK from Deirdre, UP INTO THE AIR and then MOVING THROUGH TO - 

INT. A CHEAP APARTMENT - SAME TIME

LOOKING THROUGH A WINDOW, down onto the street below. Barely visible we can see Deirdre. And staring at Deirdre - THE WATCHER. Somebody we're going to see periodically through the movie. Right now he's only a SILHOUETTE with a well-defined PAIR OF HANDS. And in those hands - A KNIFE. As the Watcher watches he slowly cleans his nails with the knife, methodically, perfectly. And he watches. First Deirdre, and then turning his attention to THE BAR. He's especially interested in the bar.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: What someone does and why (behavior and motive) are more compelling to watch than another twist of plot.

Ronin (1998)(5/20/97 draft)
by David Mamet (screenplay) and J.D. Zeik (story)

TODAY'S NUGGET: Don't Look Now (1973) - The "Infamous" Sex Scene - On the Page vs. How It Was Executed

[Quick Summary: A restorer and his wife are in Venice, Italy to repair a church, but are haunted by visions of their recently drowned 7 yr. old daughter.]

I've heard a couple of things about Nicholas Roeg directed films.  The first is that you'll either love them, or really, really hate them.*

The second is that the sex scene in this film often gets cited, both negatively (too graphic and unflattering) and positively:

...probably for the first time since Christine’s death, the Baxters make love. This scene is celebrated for its passion and truthfulness, but its full emotional impact comes through the editing: The lovemaking is intercut with shots of John and Laura dressing afterwards, so that they are at once together and apart, now and later, passionate and preoccupied. There is a poignancy here beyond all reason; in a movie concerned with time, this is the sequence that insists that our future is contained in our present--that everything passes, even ecstasy.

However, on the page, this "infamous" scene is quite tame (see below).  

So, writers, remember: Film is a collaborative medium, i.e., what you write is the beginning, not the end, and relies on others' acting, execution, and editing.

INT. BEDROOM. DAY.

...The MAID bobs and leaves.

JOHN pours the drinks.

LAURA: She was pretty.

She comes and puts her arms round his neck.

LAURA: But not off duty. It's been a long time.

JOHN: Have a drink.

LAURA: Why. Lie down. You're all wet.

She takes another towel and spreads it on the bed. He look at her for a moment, then stretches out on the bed. She takes a towel and starts drying him.
She dries his ears, his throat, his chest. It is a very sensuous process.
She drops her own towel, and lies beside him, her fingers running through his hair.
He looks at her.
She kisses him slowly.
He slides over on top of her.

LAURA: Welcome home.

                                                                            FADE OVER:

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This is a reminder to me that the writer can't take all the credit and can't take all the blame either.  Films are the sum efforts of a group.

Don't Look Now (1973)
by Allan Scott and Chris Bryant
Based on the novel by Daphne Du Maurier

*Roger Ebert was a fan:

I’ve been though the film a shot at a time, paying close attention to the use of red as a marker in the visual scheme. It is a masterpiece of physical filmmaking, in the way the photography evokes mood and the editing underlines it with uncertainty.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992) - When They Shot Your Script & It Was Awful; Unconscious Transitions

[Quick Summary: In London, Dracula pursues Mina, who is soon to be married to Jonathan, who is trapped by Dracula's 'wives' in Transylvania.]

I could follow this script but it meandered between 4-5 characters and did not drive to a climax. It felt... muddled (?)*

However, I did appreciate two things that I learned:

1) SOMETIMES NO ONE SEES THE FLAW. The writer recounts here about seeing a first cut that was faithful to his script...and it was awful.

Why couldn’t we have solved this in the script development stage before shooting to avoid ending up in the editing room with a film that does not work? How did I not realize this in the writing stages? How did Francis Ford Coppola, the Maestro living legend, not see this coming?

Answer: Sometimes no one sees it and you have to shoot it to get perspective.

2) UNCONSCIOUS TRANSITIONS. On the page, I find it difficult to move an audience from one location to another without them realizing it.

I thought the writer of this script did a nice job of expressing the unknown looming around Mina, while moving us into Dracula's introduction using a shadow image:

...A grotesque SHADOW moves across them and the room to:

INT. CONSERVATORY - EVENING

MED. CLOSE UP MINA
Mina fixes herself in the mirror before she joins them. The SHADOW moves across the mirror. 

MINA: If I were a man, I know what I would do to make a girl love me.

Slowly, her hands reach up pressing her own breasts. The SHADOW darkens her.

EXT. CASTLE DOORWAY - NIGHT

THE SAME SHADOW - VIEW PANS
revealing what created the shadow: DRACULA, a tall old man. Hands long and hairy. Face riveting, handsome like a Tartar --and horrible at the same time. His eyes a cold vivid blue. He puts down a bowl of fruit and Oriental lantern (that made shadow grotesque) for his guest. He stands there like a statue. We PULL BACK to include Harker.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked that the shadow was used to foreshadow something scary is coming and also introduce us to Dracula.  Double duty!

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)(8/22/91 shooting script)
by Jim Hart

*I tend to agree with Roger Ebert's assessment: "The one thing the movie lacks is headlong narrative energy and coherence. There is no story we can follow well enough to care about."

TODAY'S NUGGET: Cold Mountain (2003) - 3 Obstacles in the Way of Romantic Longing

[Quick Summary: Inman, an injured Confederate soldier, makes his way home to his sweetheart Ada in Cold Mountain.]

This was a nice adaptation, well written, all about longing...but I got bored.  Here are my three reasons:

1) FEELINGS ALONE ARE NOT A FILM.  Inman meets Ada. He goes to war. She stays at Cold Mountain. They long for each other, which is very real.

But longing does not cause either to be pro-active or reactive (unlike guilt or shame) and thus have no repercussions or consequences for us to watch. 

I think this is better as a novel, and not a film.  Roger Ebert puts it better:

By the end of the film, you admire the artistry and the care, you know that the actors worked hard and are grateful for their labors, but you wonder who in God's name thought this was a promising scenario for a movie. It's not a story, it's an idea. Consider even the letters that Ada and Inman write to each other. You can have a perfectly good love story based on correspondence, but only, I think, if the letters arrive, are read and are replied to. There are times when we feel less like the audience than like the post office.

2) LACK OF SUSPENSE. Again, Roger Ebert puts it best:

Nothing takes the suspense out of Boy Meets Girl like your knowledge that Boy Has Already Met Star.

3) SECONDARY CHARACTERS STEAL THE SHOW. It's not good when I'm more interested in Veasey's antics than Inman's pining.

EXT. RIVER, EN ROUTE TO SALISBURY. DAY.

...On a parallel track across the river, RIDERS...impossible to say whether Home Guard or a Federal Raiding Party. Inman splashes out of the water, pushes Veasey down, silencing him. The riders pass. Veasey spots something shining in the grass, picks it up. IT'S A LONG TWO-HANDED SAW.

VEASEY (CONT'D): Hey! Look at this! (flexing it) This is a good saw.

INMAN (getting up): It's not yours. You take it, you make us another enemy. You're a Christian - don't you know your commandments?

VEASEY: You'll find the good Lord very flexible on the subject of property. We could do a lot with this saw...

Inman is vexed, walks away. Veasey follows, experimenting with the saw's music when flexed. Inman stalks on.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  I think the key was #2.  If I am expecting a roller coaster and get flat plains, what am I rooting for?

Cold Mountain (2003)(Feb. 2002 draft)
by Anthony Minghella
Based on the novel by Charles Frazier

TODAY'S NUGGET: Spanglish (2004) - How to Stick the Landing of that Bittersweet Moment

[Quick Summary:  When a Mexican woman becomes a maid for a L.A. chef's family,  her inability to communicate brings surfaces the problems in both families.]

One of the things that Brooks' writing does well is stick the emotional landing.

I think the key is his story structure.  First we see the characters' wounds. Then when they make bad decisions, we understand, even if we don't agree with them.

For example, the scene below has a lot of setup:

-We have seen Flor (protagonist) connecting with her employers John and Deborah, who love each other by each have issues. 
-Deborah-Flor share being supportive mothers.  John-Flor share being aware of other people's needs.
-The night Deborah drops a bomb, John flees and runs into Flor. 
- He is in a crisis, wounded, and does not want to be alone.  He needs a friend and cooks her a meal.
- Emotions that have been rising finally break through in this moment of closeness.

INT. RESTAURANT KITCHEN - NIGHT

John and Flor sit at a small table int he kitchen...finishing the greatest late-night meal in the history of Western man. Flor motions that she is finished.

JOHN: That's it...That's it for you. (a shadow passes) I keep thinking I should tell you what happened to me tonight. But, I don't want to spoil this. I don't want to spoil this.

FLOR: I will remember every taste...forever.

JOHN (shy/his heart): I'm very glad you liked it.

FLOR: It's something watching you.

He looks up at her...she has not been seen like this for a very long time, if ever.. lit up by a man.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  That final line really stuck the landing for me.  

Everything has been building to this moment when she's finally being seen, but a cloud hangs over them.

Spanglish (2004)(undated)
by James L. Brooks

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Pianist (2002) - A Passive/Active Survivor + Suspense

[Quick Summary: Wladyslaw Szpilman, a Polish, Jewish, classical pianist, hides in Warsaw ghetto during WWII.]

I WAS SURPRISED:

1) That this script dropped me in the middle of WWII and kept me so engaged that I forgot I was in this present world.

2) That the protagonist is so passive yet active.* 

Yet I couldn't stop watching. Why? It was the suspense of a man who could not control what befell him (environment), yet made decisions. What would he do next?

In the scene below, note how the man is trapped (passive) yet is still active (his reactions):

INT/EXT. 2ND APARTMENT - SZPILMAN & HIS POV - DAY

...SZPILMAN runs to the door, tries it but it's padlocked and can't open the door.

In panic, he runs back to the window.

His eyes grow wide with terror.

SZPILMAN & HIS POVE AGAIN - THE STREET

A GERMAN TANK bringing its gun to bear on the building next to his.

The gun jerks back and there's a great roaring noise.

The whole building shakes. SZPILMAN reels black, falls, gets to his feet and crawls back to the window

He sees the tank turret swiveling slowly, bringing the gun to bear directly on a lower floor of his building. The roaring noise again.

A terrific explosion. His windows are shattered. Glass everywhere. He is thrown back across the room. Smoke beings to billow and fill the room.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was impressed how this script made me empathize with the impact of helplessness and gratitude for small acts of kindness. 

It stirred me to want to act better, which is the highest compliment to the writer.

The Pianist (2002)(undated)
by Ronald Harwood
Based on the memoir by Wladyslaw Szpilman

*Roger Ebert give a better context to the impassiveness:

Some reviews of "The Pianist" have found it too detached, lacking urgency. Perhaps that impassive quality reflects what Polanski wants to say. Almost all of the Jews involved in the Holocaust were killed, so all of the survivor stories misrepresent the actual event by supplying an atypical ending. Often their buried message is that by courage and daring, these heroes saved themselves. Well, yes, some did, but most did not and--here is the crucial point--most could not. In this respect Tim Blake Nelson's "The Grey Zone" (2001) is tougher and more honest, by showing Jews trapped within a Nazi system that removed the possibility of moral choice.

By showing Szpilman as a survivor but not a fighter or a hero--as a man who does all he can to save himself, but would have died without enormous good luck and the kindness of a few non-Jews--Polanski is reflecting, I believe, his own deepest feelings: that he survived, but need not have, and that his mother died and left a wound that had never healed. (my underline)

TODAY'S NUGGET: Good Morning, Vietnam (1987) - Element of Danger in Comedy

[Quick Summary: Crazy d.j./airman Cronauer is assigned to the Armed Forces Radio Saigon and becomes wildly popular but is thwarted by his superiors.]

This script reads like a monkey swinging from a chandelier, trying to avoid crocodiles, which is NOT the the same as merely swinging from a chandelier.

There's an element of danger and risk in the first.

Or as Cronauer, the main character, says to his straight-as-an-arrow sidekick:

You know, sometimes it's nice to do things specifically so you'd get in trouble. It's called "fun." I'll just make up some stuff that's always true. (starts out, turns) Really. Do something risky once in a while. It's good for the complexion.

What makes it even better is that the antics aren't just for show, but skewer for a deeper purpose. For example:

INT. CONTROL ROOM - LATER

...CRONAUER (into mike): President Eisenhower's itinerary this month includes moving his hands in a circular motion and rotating his sport shirts...See you after lunch.

Cronauer shuts the mike. Garlick and Dreiwitz enter with a reel of recording tape.

GARLICK: Nixon press conference.

Cronauer is about to leave the room, but is intercepted by Hauk.

HAUK: Where do you imagine you're going?

CRONAUER: Lunch.

HAUK: You don't have time for lunch, Airman. You'll stay here and drink instant beverage or something. We promised our audience Nixon highlights by 4 PM. 

CRONAUER: Hey, come on...

HAUK: That's an order.

Hauk exits; Cronauer sighs, defeated. Meanwhile, Garlick has threaded the tape into a player.  Nixon's voice comes on.

NIXON (V.O.): ...question I've been asked many times...Critics of American foreign, draft resisters are soft. They're shallow and they have no purpose.

Cronauer smiles.

CRONAUER: He wants tape highlights? I'll give him tape highlights. Boys, let's edit.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was hooked because Cronauer's risk had a purpose, it was not stupid or thoughtless.

Good Morning, Vietnam (1987)(5/14/86 draft)
by Mitch Markowitz

TODAY'S NUGGET: Coal Miner's Daughter (1980) - The Moment of Despair (Team Breaks Up)

[Quick Summary: The story of how Loretta Webb married young to Doo Lynn, had 6 kids, and created her country singing career.]

I liked this script very much because: 1) It reads faster than a greased pig, and 2) It builds and builds to the moment of despair.

First, it lays out how Doo worked so hard to get Loretta noticed.  

Second, we see that she's well on her way to success, but he no longer has purpose. 

She eventually catches him kissing another woman.  When she hits him with her purse, he injures a finger. 

The entire script has built to this heart wrenching scene when the team breaks up:

INT. HOUSE - NIGHT

...LORETTA: Ain't you gonna talk, Doo? I know what happened today, it wasn't about me wearin' no makeup. Why don't you talk to me?

DOOLITTLE (slowly): I think what I'm gonna do...is get me a job somewhere. Truck drivin', a mechanicin', somethin' I'm good at....

LORETTA: You're good at managin' me. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.

DOOLITTLE: Gettin' here's one thing. Bein' here's another. My job's done. So I'll just find me another'n.

LORETTA: If this is gonna break us up then I'll quit too, Doo. I mean it.

DOOLITTLE: Successful people can't quit, baby. (sees her holding her head) Got another one of your headaches?

She nods.

DOOLITTLE: Just like your daddy. Coal dust give him his headaches. I guess I'm what gives 'em to you... (takes something from his pocket) Figure it was about time.

It's a wedding ring. She looks at it, starts to cry. They hold each other.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The kid in me wants the team to stay together, but the adult in me knows Doolittle is right: "Gettin' here's one thing. Bein' here's another."

This is a good emotional space, as it keeps me rooting for them.

Coal Miner's Daughter (1980)(undated)
by Thomas Rickman
Based on the book by Loretta Lynn with George Vecsey

TODAY'S NUGGET: Lucky You (2007) - WHERE the Writer Starts the Emotional Journey (Setup-Payoff)

[Quick Summary: An obsessed poker player, who is unlucky in real life, faces off with his estranged, obsessed poker player father in the World Series of Poker.]

I tend to avoid first drafts on this blog.  However I do make exceptions.

Today's script is a rare original story and script* from a 5 time Oscar nominee who is best known for adaptations.** 

I wanted to know: What set it apart? Why did Eric Bana, Robert Duvall, and Drew Barrymore sign on? What element(s) in the story sold it?

I think one element is WHERE the writer started Huck's emotional state:

- Huck is winning just enough to feed that addiction high. But he's really numb.
- When he meets Billie, he starts to feel good again.
- Huck's dad, however, is scared he's losing his edge, yet plows on.

I like the midpoint scene below because it is a PAYOFF of all the above:
- Huck is at a crossroads: Plow on like dad or take another path?
- Huck has just stolen Billie's paycheck, gambled it away.  He finally has the entry fee for his dream...so why does it feel so hollow?

INT. THE CAESARS PALACE - DAYBREAK

Day's dawning. The casino near empty. The dealers standing waiting for players at the crap table. A lone man at a blackjack table. The other blackjack dealers standing like penguins at the empty blackjack tables. The roulette dealer standing silently his arms crossed. And we see Huck, on the downside, slouched, his hands in his raincoat pockets, sitting on a couch in the lobby...the daylight coming in through the doors, painting him...and there's something not funny about any of it...not interesting...not colorful...there's something so lonely, it breaks you apart...

HUCK'S (V.O.): I don't know why...I'm so tired..everything seems, I don't know, empty...

Ge takes Billie's driver's license out of his pocket, looking at her picture...

HUCK'S (V.O.)(a beat, quietly, it's an effort): Pop quiz...Billie...Her middle name..? Is it: A. Anne...

...And the choices appear on the screen...

HUCK'S (V.O.): B. Carol. C. Catherine. or, D. Jessica.

...looking at her license....

HUCK'S (V.O.): If you said "B.," Carol...give yourself a gold star, you've been listening..

He motions to her name on her license...And he's quiet, looking at her picture...

HUCK'S (V.O.): She's pretty, huh? Break your heart pretty. I can't stop thinking about her.

And for no particular reason he takes the cash out of his raincoat pockets...he lays the packets of money on his chest...and as he sits slouched in the lobby with the money on him...and there's no satisfaction in it...the quiet casino behind him, the first light of the day coming in...And as he looks at Billie's photograph on her driver's license...

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked that the change was so organic.  

Huck consumes synthetic happiness--> feels real happiness w/Billie-->wakes up that synthetic is not so great.

Lucky You (2007)(6/21/02, 1st draft)
by Eric Roth
Story by Eric Roth

* Note: This first draft was eventually re-written by the director/writer Curtis Hanson. 

**Forrest Gump, The Insider, Munich, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, A Star is Born.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Munich (2005) - Cyclical Vengeance; I'm OK with a Long Script

[Quick Summary: Avner leads a team of assassins to wage vengeance on the team that killed the 1972 Israeli Olympians.]

I don't particularly like reading vengeance scripts, as they're often too long, i.e., heavy, IMPORTANT, and over-written.  (Yes, that's sarcasm.)

So I was surprised to find that this script actually needs the length (163 pgs.)

I think the writers and Spielberg and needed the space to do what they were trying to do here: Show the cyclical pattern of vengeance and it's fruitlessness.

One contributing factor to the cycle is the money.  It is so large that no one questions where it came from, and it will take great character to walk away from it.

We are reminded of this in the scene below:
- Avner goes to meet Papa, the head info broker who's made a fortune selling intel.
- Papa has requested this first in-person meeting after Avner's team messed up.
- This scene gives the audiences a little normalcy and a chance to breathe. However, the threat is never too far behind: We are similar; do not cross me.

INT. INSIDE THE FARMHOUSE - DAY

...He hands Avner a big metal bowl filled with kidneys. He points to the sink. 

PAPA (CONT'D): There.

Avner brings the bowl to the sink, turns on the tap. Papa hurries over, nudges Avner out of the way, turns off the tap. He gestures with the large knife he's holding.

PAPA (CONT'D): No! Don't wash! It will taste like boiled sponge.

AVNER: Then why put them in the sink?

PAPA: If the juices spurt out, it's a big mess, the whole kitchen smells like piss. Peel off the fat.

He dexterously peels off a kidney's thin membrane of fat.

PAPA (CONT'D): Let me see your hands.

Avner shows Papa his hands.

PAPA: Too big for a good cook! That was my problem too.

Papa holds his right hand up, flat against Avner's.

PAPA (CONT'D): I'd have been a master but I have thick stupid butcher's hands, like yours. We are tragic men. Butcher's hands, gentle souls.

He tousles Avner's hair, gently, affectionately slaps his face.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was tired out reading this script. However, I do think it was as short as they could get it. Cycles do need space and time.

Munich (2005)(undated)
by Tony Kushner and Eric Roth
Based on the book, "Vengeance: The True Story of an Israeli Counter-Terrorist Team," by George Jonas

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Horse Whisperer (1998) - Tightrope Moment of Yearning & Dread

[Quick Summary: Annie and her teen daughter arrive in Montana in hopes that the horses whisperer can help heal their injured horse Pilgrim.]

Kids think romance is black and white, follow certain rules, and are sequential.

Adults know that reality is grey, flaunt rules, and sometimes stack on each other.

This adaptation does a nice job of capturing the messiness: self-sacrifice for the greater good; the struggles of yearning vs. dreading the loss afterwards.

This scene below particularly captures that tightrope feeling.  Tom and Annie want to grasp the moment vs. do not want to hang too tightly to the temporary.

EXT. HANK'S RANCH - NIGHT

Tom is walking alone when he turns the corner of Hank's house and finds;

Annie sitting alone, staring up at the night. They see each other. From behind the house, no one else can see them.

It is as if the fates brought them face to face and alone. Without any will to stop it, they embrace and kiss passionately. But when they look into each other's eyes, there is no joy in the kiss. Tom releases her and walks away, heading for the shed. Annie quickly pulls herself together and enters the main house through the back door.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Because the emotions here are complex, I like that the scene is simple.   If both were complex, it would be distracting.

The Horse Whisperer (1998)(2nd draft, 1/21/97)
by Eric Roth
Based on the novel by Nicholas Evans
Revised by Richard LaGravenese

TODAY'S NUGGET: Daredevil (2003) - What is Missing from Romantic Scenes Today

[Quick Summary: Matt Murdock, a blind lawyer, becomes Daredevil at night to find out who really killed a college girl and blamed his client.]

Comic book adaptations have always been hit or miss, but this script is very good. I was surprised how much I liked its romantic arc.  You read that right - romance!

Ebert also liked it and points out what is often missing from romantic scenes today, i.e., Beauty:

She and Daredevil are powerfully attracted to each other, and even share some PG-13 sex, which is a relief because when superheroes have sex at the R level, I am always afraid someone will get hurt. There is a rather beautiful scene where he asks her to stand in the rain because his ears are so sensitive they can create an image of her face from the sound of the raindrops.

I also liked this particular scene because it does double duty: 1) vulnerable, I-see-you connection (emotional); 2) a setup for a future payoff (structural).

EXT. STREET - NIGHT

...We hear the MUTED PATTER of the raindrops now, hitting the leaves overhead, as Elektra listens to Matt's world.

MATT (CONT'D): Suddenly there's a roof to the universe...and everything that was shapeless is given contours and textures...

He stops and inhales the world around him.

MATT (CONT'D): Car exhaust washes away rreplaced by the smell of earth and grass...and for a moment everything is clear.

MATT'S POV

Where we see the rain visualized as DROPS OF SOUND. Elektra steps closer as they bounce off of her shoulders, her hair, the bridge of her nose, until they reveal her in a perfect silhouette. She's even more beautiful than he imagined.

MATT (CONT'D): For a moment...I can see again.

NEW ANGLE

As she takes his hand and places it on her face.

CU FINGERTIPS

as Matt slowly caresses her delicate features, the raindrops streaming between his fingers and her cheeks in rivulets.

MATT (CONT'D): You are so beautiful.

They start to kiss. Matt losing himself in the moment...

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When one character sees the best version of another character, it is beautiful and romantic.

Daredevil (2003)(7/3/01 draft)
by Mark Steven Johnson
Revisions by Brian Helgeland, Mark Steven Johnson

*Even post Iron Man (2008), not all comic book films will land with audiences.

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TODAY'S NUGGET: The Asphalt Jungle (1950) - Giving Cast & Crew Interesting Conflict to Shoot

[Quick Summary: When a jewelry heist goes wrong, a net closes in on the crooked cop, the financier, a hooligan, and the brain.] 

I was fascinated by this 20 min. video about Asphalt Jungle's visual style. 

I was particularly interested in the complex diner scene (at 12:35-14:48): 3 men, a cat, shifts from foreground, background, 2 shot, ceiling, etc.

Was it like that on the page? In short, yes and no.

Yes, the conflict was there. No, the staging and composition were not.

However, because the writers* did their jobs and created great conflict on the page, the director and cinematographer had great building blocks to do their jobs.

Here's what that conflict looked like on the page:

MED. SHOT - INT. GUS'S HAMBURGER JOINT - NIGHT

A truck driver stands at the magazine rack, eating a king-sized hamburger and stealing looks at the girl pictures in a movie magazine. The cat jumps on to the counter and Gus starts feeding him meat, bite by bite. Dix enters. He and Gus exchange nods. Dix takes a seat at the counter.

...TRUCK DRIVER: How do you mean, Humpty-Dumpty?

GUS: I mean you don't belong around here. You're just passing through - only not fast enough.

Gus comes around the counter with surprising speed. He seizes the truck driver by the arm; whirls him around; grabs the seat of his pants; jerks it up tight until the big fellow is on his tip-toes; then "Spanish walks" him swiftly to the front door, where he gives the flabbergasted driver a push.

GUS: And if I ever see you running over a cat, I'll kick your teeth out.

The driver stands staring at Gus, trying to recover from the surprise attack. He is unable to make up his mind whether to clout the little hunchback or beat a dignified retreat. 

DRIVER: I'd take you apart if you were a foot taller, and straightened out a little.

Gus steps toward the driver, carrying his hands low. The driver hurriedly gets into his truck. Gus comes back into his join. Dix watches Gus turn the lock in the door, and pull the window blinds. Dix is smiling for a change.

GUS: I suppose you want your heater back? Well, you ain't goin' to get it! What do you think of that?

DIX: Quit kidding Gus!

GUS: I mean it...

Dix stops smiling.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Help your collaborators.  Keep the conflict moving on the page.

The Asphalt Jungle (1950)
by Ben Maddow and John Huston
Based on the novel by W.R. Burnett

*FYI: One of the writers was also the director, so that was helpful.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Legend (2015) - "Passing Through Doors" Transition

[Quick Summary: 1960s gangsters Reggie and Ronald Kray terrorize London.]

Q & A With Myself 

Q: Did you like the script?
A: Not really. It's well written, but not really.

Q: Why didn't you like the script?
A: I want a script to make me understand the characters' points of view, which it did.  However, the emotional stakes plateaued, despite much chaos and violence. 

Q: Could you give an example?
A: Ronnie likes harming people, no remorse. His biggest fear is that Reggie will leave him.  Reggie's biggest fear is that his wife Frances will leave.  When bad things happen, they rage, but there is little emotional consequences or suspense.*

Q: Was there anything particularly good in the script?
A: I can tell this passing door scene was written to be shot. It's a clever transition because we're taken into a room without us noticing. It's at least two camera moves.

EXT. KENSINGTON GORE - DAY

STEFAN DE FAYE walks cheerily along. Young and bright, he checks an address on a business card, enters a BUILDING.

FRANCES (V.O.): London was an open city and the Krays moved in.

                                                                                                CUT TO:

A POV IN A HALLWAY

On a SECRETARY'S BACK approaching double wooden doors. As she swings them open, Stefan De Faye passes and we are now in... [Camera is in front of de Faye. 3rd person, objective POV.]

THE OFFICE

LESLIE PAYNE smiles from his desk, looking good in a suit.

PAYNE: Mr. de Faye, glad you could come. [Camera has become de Faye's POV]

DE FAYE (steps forward): Mr. Payne. I'm not often intrigued, but your message, it intrigued.

PAYNE: Please. Sit down.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked the unconsciousness of that transition. It's simple, clear, but accomplishes a lot.

Legend (2015)(final shooting draft)
by Brian Helgeland

*I wonder if this is the reason for the excessive use of Frances's voice over? To at least give Reggie a conscience?

TODAY'S NUGGET: 42 (2013) - Involving a Female Character in a Male Sports Film

[Quick Summary: In 1947, Jackie Robinson, the first black player in the MLB, struggles with distraction, racism in his first year with the Brooklyn Dodgers.]

TWO THOUGHTS:

1) FOCUSED. I liked this script because it focused on Jackie playing baseball. 

That sounds simple, but scripts tend to get preachy and glossy when it comes to portraying sports figures who have borne social strife and emerged triumphant.

2) FEMALE & INVOLVED. I liked that Rachel, Jackie's wife, was not a bystander or reactor.  She was a participant, and equally affected emotionally as Jackie.

To show this, the writer seemed to choose parallel emotional situations for Rachel. 

In the scene below, we experience the same kinds of hatred and racism that came at Jackie, but through her POV:

EXT. EBBETS FIELD STANDS (BETWEEN FIRST AND HOME) - DAY

[Rachel sits in the stands with racists who shout taunts at Jackie.]

...Rachel stares ahead, tries to maintain. She shows them her back, sits up as straight as she can. Her movements heroic.

INT. BROOKLYN CITY BUS - DAY

Jack and Rachel ride home. Forlorn, she stares out.

RACHEL: Oh Jack...

JACK: What is it, Rae?

RACHEL: Nothing. It's just, sometimes when I sit up there with those bastards, those loudmouths in the stands, I know you can hear them.

JACK: Don't worry. It's okay.

RACHEL: No, it's not okay. And I can hear them, too.

Jack looks at her, takes her hand in his.

JACK: I know. I'm sorry for that.

Rachel squeezes his hand back.

RACHEL: We're in it together. When they start in on you, you know what I do? I try to sit up as straight.

JACK: Yeah?

RACHEL: Straight as I can. I got it in my head that I can block it from you, some of it, if I can sit up straight. (a sad smile) Isn't that dumb?

Closing the space between them, he takes her hand.

JACK: It worked. I didn't hear a thing.

She tries to smile. As the tears streak her cheeks, he leans in kisses her forehead.

JACK: They're just ignorant.

RACHEL: If they knew you, they'd be ashamed.

She puts her arm around him, draws that strength.

JACK: Hold on.

RACHEL: I am holding on.

JACK: Long as we hold on, it'll be okay.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: One of the ways to show a female character is equally involved is to have her share the weight of the emotional journey.

42 (2013)(3/14/12 shooting script, w/revisions)
by Brian Helgeland

TODAY'S NUGGET: Green Zone (2010) - Going Rogue

[Quick Summary: When efforts to uncover evidence of weapons of mass destruction are thwarted, a US Army officer smells something fishy and goes rogue.]

Any time Ebert's review says, "[T]his is one hell of a thriller," I pay attention.

One of the things the script does well is reduce an intimidating, complicated larger story (WMD) into a manageable personal one.

Also, the character is interesting.  Miller is a guy who does not like to be played.  He's told to find X, but when he arrives someone else is already there taking X.

So what does he do in this lawless land? He goes against his law abiding habits and does something radical, like taking a body out of a morgue - as leverage.

INT. MORGUE - CAMP CROPPER - DAY

...They fan out, begin lifting tarps, unzipping body bags, rolling a few FACE-DOWNS over.

Potts trips over a leg. Fuck! That creeps them out.

Miller crouches down, unzips a bodybag. Some OLD MAN. Another: a guy with a beard. He takes a step to another, unzips...Jackpot. There's the GENERAL, a dark bruised crease across his forehead.

MILLER (CONT'D): Sonuvabitch.

The guys crowd around, look over the top of Miller.

MILLER (CONT'D): I mean sonuvabitch! This guy knew.

PERRY: Not anymore...

Another thought hits Miller. Urgent. He zips the bag.

MILLER: Let's get him out of here.

POTTS: What?

MICHAELS: Chief, you okay?

MILLER: I'll explain later. Let's get him out. Before they come back down.

Miller grabs a corner of the bag. A beat and they move to help. As they start hauling the body bag of there...

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: "Going rogue" is a discrepancy in the usual behavior.  

It assumes: a) you've established a pattern of previous behavior, and b) a discrepancy which is big and significant for the character, but not necessarily big like an explosion.

Green Zone (2010)(undated)*
by Brian Helgeland
Based on  "Imperial Life in the Emerald City: Inside Iraq's Green Zone," by Rajiv Chandrasekaran

*The cover page of this undated draft says "by Paul Greengrass" (director).   Thus, I am not sure how much of this draft is actually the writer's or the director's.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Man on Fire (2004) - Resuscitating an Action Hero's Hope (Emotional Stakes)

[Quick Summary: When an ex-army security guard fails to protect his client, a precocious 9 yr. old girl in Mexico City, he exacts his own justice on the killers.]

This script impressed me because:

1) It spends a 50% developing the relationship between Creasy and 9 yr. old Pinta. 

2) With these emotional stakes established, his rage is easier to justify in the last 50%.  He begins emotionally dead --> she brings him hope --> she is kidnapped --> he retaliates.

In the scene below, notice the small things Pinta does that gives Creasy hope: She pays attention to what he's been doing. She's amusing. She gives him her trust.

INT. MERCEDES - ROLLING - DAY

Creasy driving. Pinta looking noble and brave.

...PINTA (distant): You should break all my fingers, Creasy, then tape them back together. I wont' be able to play the piano, but I could still swim.

CREASY: Don't be a baby. You're tougher than that.

PINTA: There's no such thing as tough, Creasy. Just trained and untrained.

CREASY (smiles): Then be trained.

PINTA: I'm going to keep people safe someday. Just like you.

CREASY: Be a swimmer.

PINTA: I could do it. Remember the day you wanted the pencil? I know why. And I saw that car again. I wrote the license number in my notebook. Except I missed the last number.

Creasy checks his mirror, nothing back there now. He then looks at Pinta. A bit amazed.

CREASY: You'll have to show me that number when we get home.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Don't be afraid to take your time laying the emotional stakes. The action later will have more impact because of that investment.

Man on Fire (2004)(2/10/03, v.2)
by Brian Helgeland
Based on the novel by A.J. Quinnell

TODAY'S NUGGET: Mystic River (2003) - Dialogue that "Does More Than One Thing at a Time"

[Quick Summary: Three childhood friends linked by guilt come back in contact when one of their daughters is found murdered.]

I'd avoided this script for a long time, but it is not nearly as graphic as I'd feared.  In fact, it is a well written thriller with great subtext.

One reason is that it follows the adage that "dialogue should do more than one thing at one time."  

In the scene below:
- Sean and Whitey are cops interviewing the grieving father Jimmy.
- Notice how the dialogue reveals Jimmy's character (vindictive), mood (impatience), and creates tension (he's threatening to exact his own justice).

INT. MARCUS KITCHEN - DAY

...WHITEY: How about this, Mr. Marcus. We've been talking to witnesses, canvassing people who might've been in the bars and we've run into more than a few people, who were questioned before us by one or more of the Savage brothers.

 JIMMY: So?

SEAN: So the Savage brothers are not policemen, Jimmy.

JIMMY: Some people won't talk to the police.

WHITEY: Just so we're clear, and with all due respect, this is our case.

JIMMY: How long?

WHITEY: How long what?

JIMMY: How long would you say till you put Katie's killer in jail? I need to know.

WHITEY: Are you bargaining with us?

JIMMY: Bargaining?

WHITEY: Are you giving us a deadline? (off no answer) We'll speak for Katie, Mr. Marcus. If that's okay?

JIMMY: Find her killer, Sergeant. I'm not standing in your way.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I like that it's not just a threat, but also foreshadows future violence, and that keeps the tension high.

Mystic River (2003)(shooting script)
by Brian Helgeland
Based on the novel by Dennis Lehane

2021 OSCARS: The White Tiger (2020) - Ah, The Difficulty of Showing Mental Anguish

[Quick Summary: A country boy, who becomes the driver of a rich man's son in Delhi, climbs his way out of poverty, but not without dark humor and corruption.]

How do you show a character (gasp!) thinking? Usually by a physical gesture.

But what if it is even more difficult, ex. a complex thought like changing one's mind or mental anguish?

Writers are always looking for new way to show "thinking," and was impressed in the gesture in the scene below.

First, I'd not seen it anywhere else before.  Second, the addition of the internal monologue helps the actor strike the right tone.

FYI: Italics = Hindi.

INT. ASHOK'S DELHI APARTMENT - AFTERNOON

...Balram serves them lunch.

BALRAM: Here you are, sir.

ASHOK: I don't want food right now.

BALRAM: I made it like we had together the other night, sir.

Mukesh wonders what this is about.

ASHOK: I don't give a shit.

BALRAM: Just a taste, sir.

Ashok slaps the food out of his hand, sending it crashing to the floor, the bowl breaking apart. 

ASHOK: I said I'm not hungry....Get lost.

MUKESH: He doesn't feel like it, why are you up his ass! Get rid of it, you fucker.

ASHOK:  Just leave me alone for a fucking second.

Balram walks away with the tray.

MUKESH: Until Ashok Sir calls you, don't hover over him like a fly!

BALRAM: Yes, sir.

INT. ASHOK'S DELHI APARTMENT; ELEVATOR - MOMENTS LATER

Balram pinches his hand hard, again and again. - Why am I still in servitude to this man?

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: One way to show mental anguish is using an unusual repetitive gesture.

The White Tiger (2020)
by Ramin Bahrani
Based on the novel by Aravind Adiga

2021 OSCARS: One Night in Miami (2020) - Explaining an Unfamiliar Gesture Without Losing the Reader

[Quick Summary: Boxer Cassius Clay, singer Sam Cooke, preacher Malcolm X, and football player Jim Brown spend a night together in Miami, 1964.]

What is "craft"? To me, it's the ability to wield words simply, precisely, economically.  

How does one get it? Experience over time (and it's generally a long time).

What does it look like?  As an example, the scene below explains a "dap" gesture.

Notice how the writer uses simple words and keeps the motion flowing from one guy to the next.  It's also an economical way to show friction and differences.

Also, he does not belabor the explanation.  If you can't envision it, it's ok. All you need to know is that the guys tried to connect with a some kind of cool move.

INT. HAMPTON HOUSE MOTEL - MALCOLM'S ROOM

...JIM: Well, what flavor is it?

MALCOLM: Well, we have vanilla, Jimmy, and...

Malcolm looks back into the fridge.

MALCOLM (CONT'D): ...vanilla.

JIM: Shit.

SAM (chuckles): How is that for some irony?

MALCOLM: Last time I checked, vanilla was your flavor of choice.

JIM AND CASSIUS (mocking):Oooooooooooooh....

Sam respects this witty retort, as he turns to Jim and Cassius, who both have an expression that says, simply: "Damn." Malcolm and Sam both laugh as Sam holds out his hand for some "dap."

MALCOLM: That's right, jack...

Malcolm slides Sam some "skin," an older dap that signifies the generational difference. Sam just stares at his hand as the pleased Malcolm laughs to himself as he returns to the fridge to put one tub of ice cream back, before closing it.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I used to equate fewer words = clearer.  But it's not necessarily fewer words... it's the RIGHT combination of words.

One Night in Miami (2020)
by Kemp Powers
Based on his original stage play

2021 OSCARS: Nomadland (2020) - Emotional Arcing During the Passage of Time

[Quick Summary: Fern (60s) learns to survive in her first year living out of her van.]

Fern is a college graduate, self-sufficient, kind, but stand-offish.  She lost her beloved, well-liked husband a year ago, and packed up everything into a van.

I got the sense that he was the more sociable one, the one who connected her to the world.  I don't think she realizes how she's emotionally adrift or who she is now.

One of the strongest thing about this script is how you experience Fern's emotional arc with the passage of time. 

Sometimes months will pass and Fern is the exact same. Sometimes a day will pass and she has grown enormously (see below).

In the scenes below:
- Fern met fellow nomad Dave on the road and they got along well. However, his son James had a baby and wanted Dave to come home. Dave invited Fern to come, but she refused.
- Fern has now finally made it to Dave's house.
- Notice in the flow of visuals shows us how she feels, but the audience must participate to give it meaning: sharp longing for things that anchor --> family is Dave's anchor, what is hers? --> she realizes this is not her --> she leaves.

INT. DAVE'S HOUSE - STAIRS - LATER

Fern carries her laundry down the stairs. She hears music and looks into the study --

Dave and James are playing the piano together. A simple melody in beautiful synchronicity -- something father and son had played together many times in the past.

Fern watches them. She is moved at first, smiling gently. Then, something restless stirs inside of her. She suddenly feels a little short of breath.

INT. DAVE'S HOUSE - GUEST ROOM - THAT NIGHT

Fern lies in bed, unable to sleep. She stares at the ceiling. It feels too tall.

She gets up and walks out of the dark room.

EXT. DAVE'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Fern walks out of the house and runs to Vanguard.

She climbs in, closes the door and lies under the covers.

She touches the ceiling. A  moment. She closes her eyes.

EXT. DAVE'S HOUSE - NEXT MORNING

Dark clouds on the horizon. A storm is approaching.

Fern stands outside Vanguard and smokes a cigarette.

She looks up at Dave's house. It's beautiful and tranquil.

INT. DAVE'S HOUSE - LIVING/DINING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Everyone is still asleep. The house is quiet.

Fern looks at the family photos of different generations on the wall. She recognizes a younger Dave with an infant James.

She sits down at the empty dining room table and looks around. Silence.

A moment passes, Fern gets up, quietly straightens the wooden chair and walks away.

EXT. ROAD IN TOWN - SAME MORNING

Large rain drops on windshield.

Fern drives through the quiet town lashed with wind and rain.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was impressed how the images told the story.  I could see Fern thinking, "Is it easier to stay on the outside side than go in and attempt messy, emotional relationships?"

Nomadland (2020)(1/12/19 draft)
by Chloe Zhao
Based on the book by Jessica Bruder

2021 OSCARS: The Father (2020) - Describing the Character's Mental Attitude

[Quick Summary: Anthony has difficulty remembering, to the dismay of his daughter Anne.]

An outstanding (and newly minted Oscar winning) script!

More than any other script in my recent memory, this one makes you FEEL Anthony's memory loss:

a) He can only hold on to bits and pieces, so he is discombobulated when new information arrives or has to retrieve old information that is no longer there.

b) The cyclical, repetitiveness of daily living becomes frustrating and frightening.

c) The writers included Anthony's mental attitude, even though we can't see it, and thus is supposedly forbidden under "screenwriting rules."  It works well here.

For example, in the scene below:
- Anthony keeps thinking his watch is missing/stolen/lost.
- He does not really remember Paul, his son-in-law.
- I've underlined the lines below with Anthony's mental attitude.

INT. LIVING ROOM 2 - DAY

...ANTHONY has noticed Paul's watch. He seems fascinated. He's wondering if it might be his.

ANNE: Laura.

ANTHONY: Mm?

ANNE: The young woman who came to see us just now.

ANTHONY: Oh, yes.

ANNE: And we went to see the doctor...

PAUL: And? What did he say?

ANTHONY: Has anybody seen my watch? Can't seem to find it.

ANNE: Again?

ANTHONY: I've been looking for it for some time.

ANNE: You must have put it in your cupboard. Don't you think? In your hiding-place...

ANTHONY starts, afraid that PAUL has heard the word 'cupboard' and will discover his hiding-place.

ANTHONY: What are you talking about, Anne? I really don't know what you're talking about. What cupboard? Mm? There's no cupboard. No cupboard.

He takes ANNE aside.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: If it helps the reader, don't be afraid to describe the character's mental attitude.

The Father (2020)
by Florian Zeller and Christopher Hampton