[Quick Summary: Straight from college, naive Joe has to share run-down apartment with singing, dancing cockroaches in New York City.]
I stumbled across this script in my search for anything else by writer-director Paul Brickman (Risky Business (1983)), who keeps a rather low profile.
To me, Brickman adds a wild, unexpected inventiveness to what otherwise might be predictable satires.
For example, in this scene below:
- Joe lives in a badly run down apartment.
- The landlord wants to sell the building, but Joe is one of the remaining tenants.
- He sends his nephews Boris and Vlad, to scare Joe. They break into Joe's apartment in the middle of the night.
- Joe sits up in bed, scared.
- What was interesting was how Joe's unlikely allies were introduced. At first, they appear to be a mysterious, even a potential threat.
INT/EXT: JOE'S APT. WINDOW - NIGHT
CLOSE
Joe's eyes. He's beside himself with fear. The Nephews throw stuff around. Joe's eyes react to an unseen WHISPER.
WHISPER: Psst! Pick this up!
JOE'S POV
A dirty flashlight rolls by itself across the floor under the curtain. Joe's hand grabs it.
WHISPER: Point it at your face. When I saw "now" -- turn it on.
JOE (Bewildered): Who--
WHISPER: Ssshh!
Vlad and Boris stomp around the practically empty apartment. They turn their backs to the curtain, behind which Joe huddles. The curtain trembles.
BORIS: Where is he?!
Joe SNEEZES behind the curtain. Slowly, murderously, the criminals turn to face the curtain. Their faces twist into hideous smiles.
They step forward and RIP the curtain open.
CUT ON SOUND TO:
WHISPER: NOW!
CLICK! Joe turns on the flashlight. TWO DOZEN OR MORE LIVE ROACHES CRAWL ACROSS HIS FACE.
REVERSE ANGLE
Boris and Vlad, in shock. They SCREAM. They turn to look at each other and SCREAM again.
ANGLE
The ceiling above Boris and Vlad. It's SWARMING with COCKROACHES. Stirring Military MUSIC.
ROACH LEADER (Barking out an order): Paratroop Maneuver Alpha!
ROACHES (In military-style unison): SIR. YES, SIR!
ROACH LEADER: BOMBS AWAY!
The Roaches PEEL OFF the ceiling in flawless fighter/bomber formation.
A HUGE ROACH lands on Vlad's RIGHT HAND. Vlad gasps in shock.
Another HUGE ROACH lands on Vlad's LEFT HAND. Vlad gasps again.
The ROACH LEADER lands squarely on VLAD'S NOSE.
ROACH LEADER: Gimme a kiss, asshole.
VLAD emits a HIGH-PITCHED, GIRLY SCREAM.
Boris, trembling violently, backs off.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: What kept me engaged was that Joe's allies were the opposite of what I expected (sweet vs. threatening).
The unpredictability kept the tension up: What would happen next?
Joe's Apartment (1996)(5/10/4; 3rd draft, 2nd revision, "Incorporating many valuable ideas and suggestions from Paul Brickman" [sic])
by Joe Payson
Adapted from a short by Joe Payson
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