TODAY'S NUGGET: Twins (1988) - The Purpose of the Energy Flow is to Show Character

[Quick Summary: A tall, "perfect" man goes in search of his twin, who turns out to be a short, small time crook.]

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that this draft was very well polished. 

First, it was rewritten by last week's Harris & Weingrod, and second, the great William Goldman gave it a pass too.

I really liked that:
- the purpose of the energy flow in this script is to show character, and 
- there's a control to the chaos.

For example, in the scene below: 
- This is the scene that introduces the idea these are twins by using "twinning" behaviors.
- Julius is the taller, "good" twin.
- Vince is the shorter, "bad" twin.
- Notice the largest paragraph below is all one sentence, a controlled roller coaster of a ride, much like sheltered Julius' experience of encountering a big city.
 - Then note how the energy flow and momentum ramps up and lands on the moment Julius stands in the middle of the street, absorbing all of Hollywood.
- The writers are deliberately controlling the chaos with pacing and flow. 

EXT. GRAUMAN'S CHINESE THEATER - MAGIC HOUR

Vince brushes himself off, hesitates a moment, pulling on his left ear with his right hand.

Immediately behind him, facing the opposite direction, is another man, also pulling on his left ear with his right hand. It is Julius --

-- Their backs are to each other. Without ever catching sight of one another, they move off, going their separate ways. Now, from this -- 

                                                    CUT TO: 

EXT. DOWNTOWN HOLLYWOOD STREET - NIGHT

Downtown Hollywood in all it's sleeze. There's a museum and a scientology center and every fast food place imaginable and people shouting as they sell things, "flowers" and street food and there's a porno house showing Tight 'n Tender and there's young people dressed like punks and old people boozed out and pimps and druggies and guys slumped unconscious int he gutter and crowds of tourists walking this way, that way, and there's noise and little and one more thing --

--There's Julius, case in hand, staring around, taking it all in. We're a long way from his island now. He studies all the humanity swirling around him --

                                                   CUT TO:

CLOSEUP ON JULIUS

And you can see it on his face: He loves it.

JULIUS (almost a whisper): ...How wonderful...  

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked this script because it used cinematic language well.  It uses words to convey how we should feel about images, but was readable.  

I like to find Goldman scripts that are new-to-me, like this one. They are instructive since they are: a) easy to read and b) have great craftsmanship.

Twins (1988)(consolidated 4th draft, 4/27/88 with revisions)
by William Osborne & William Davies
Revisions by Timothy Harris & Hershel Weingrod and William Goldman

TODAY'S NUGGET: Trading Places (1983) - Not Tipping Your Hand Right Before a Turning Point (Suspense)

[Quick Summary: A homeless man and a broker have their lives surreptitiously swapped, all for a measly bet between two rich old men.]

This buddy comedy is a gem because of its classic fish-out-of-water setup, i.e., poor guy swaps lives with rich guy. 

It also does a great job of playing the moments as real, particularly leading up to the turning points.  This leads to REAL consequences & REAL stakes.

Because there are no magic solutions and no "fake deaths", it doesn't tip the hand of what's to come next and helps keep the suspense rising.

For example, in the scene below: 
- Louis Whipple is the grandson-in-law-to-be for two elderly Mr. Dukes. 
- Louis has just tried to O.D. on prescription pills. 
- Billy Ray is the homeless man.
- Ophelia is a woman of the streets who joins the adventure.
- Billy Ray and Ophelia have been walking Louis around the park to keep him awake.
- The writers allow Louis to make mistakes and allow the situation to defeat him.  They don't try to soften the blow by a magical solution.
- As a result, we go right up to the turning point (Louis' aha! moment below ) with real stakes (the stupid bet has gone awry and is about to cause a fatality). 

EXT. A PARK - NIGHT

...The two of them fall in the snow, and Billy Ray ends up sitting on Whipple's chest, holding him down.

BILLY RAY: Try and get it through your thick skull, Whipple! This whole thing was an experiment! And you and me are the guinea pigs! They made a bet over what would happen to us!

The truth is finally starting to dawn on Whipple. He looks from Ophelia's face to Billy Ray's.

LOUIS: A bet? They ruined my life over a bet? A bet for how much?

BILLY RAY: One dollar.

Whipple finally gets it. He smiles and nods, but his left eye is twitching.

LOUIS: A dollar. Good. Okay. Fine.

BILLY RAY: You okay, man?

LOUIS: Oh, I feel wonderful. And I'm going to feel even better.

                                       CUT TO: 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: One reason that I think audiences have become uninterested in "fake death" universes is because there are no consequences, no stakes, and thus little suspense.

Trading Places (1983)(June, 1982, 1st draft)
by Timothy Harris & Herschel Weingrod

TODAY'S NUGGET: Married to the Mob (1988) - How to Not Lose the Reader, Despite Various POV

[Quick Summary: After her mobster husband is murdered by his boss, Angela is determined to make a new life with her son, but the mob won't leave her alone.]

Q: What sets this script apart for you?  
A: It captures different points of view, but never loses focus on the protagonist.

Q: How does it do it?  Especially maintaining such clarity? 
A: I think it's the unity of the subject matter.  There's a variety of points of view, but they're all about the same subject, i.e., Angela.

For example, in the scene below:
- Angela is a sweet woman, who was oblivious to the shenanigans of Sal, her dead mobster husband.  Everyone makes assumptions about her. 
- Tony, Sal's best friend, is the head mobster. 
- Tony is married to Connie and is afraid of her.
- Tony killed Sal because Sal was sleeping with Tony's side girlfriend.
- Tony wants to sleep with Angela, and keeps tabs on her, even after she's moved away.
- Tony and his underling Tommy show up at Angela's new apartment.
- Note the multiple points of view (Connie, Ed, Mike, Tommy, Tony). Each segment adds important information, AND they're united by the subject matter, Angela.
- Also note how: a)  the unity of subject matter, plus b) CAPITALIZED location slugs helps the reader easily switch points of view. This is great clarity of writing.

EXT. RIVINGTON STREET - AT THAT MOMENT

IN FRONT OF ANGELA'S BUILDING

Angela, Tony and Tommy come out of the building and pause on the steps. 

TOMMY: Look, Ange, Rose wants to have you out for dinner next week. How's Thursday?

ANGELA: I really don't think...

TOMMY: Or Friday?

ANGELA: Umm...

TOMMY: Or any night that's good for you.

ANGELA: I tell you, Tommy...I'm so busy with the move, getting set up and everything. I don't even know if we're gonna stay here. Why don't I give you a call when I get settled?

TOMMY (disappointed): Sure, I understand. But don't forget, okay? Promise?

ANGELA (squirming): Sure, Tommy.

TOMMY: Take care, Angie. If you need anything...

ANGELA: Thanks, Tommy. So long.

He gives her a big hug and heads for the car.

DOWN THE BLOCK

peering over the steering wheel of the white Cadillac is Tony's worst nightmare -- Connie. She watches with keen interest.

IN FRONT OF ANGELA'S BUILDING

TONY: It was great seeing you, Angela.

Tony takes Angela's hand. She stiffens. He plants a gentle kiss on her hand while looking into her eyes.

IN THE WHITE CADILLAC

Connie watches as Tony kisses Angela's hand. Connie's worst suspicions are confirmed. She's absolutely livid.

FROM A BASEMENT STAIRWELL

Ed video-tapes Tony and Angela. Connie's white Cadillac zooms past.

IN FRONT OF ANGELA'S BUILDING

Tony gives Angela a meaningful look.

TONY (in Italian): Ci vediamo, cara.

Tony gets into the car and Tommy drives off. Angela is emotionally exhausted.

ANGELA (moans): Oh, God.

AT THE FIFTH FLOOR WINDOW

Mike has seen Tony's farewell. Mike shakes his head ruefully as he watches Angela walk down the street. He moves away from the window.

AT THE CORNER

Angela stops in front of the "Hello, Gorgeous!" beauty salon. IN the window there's a mirror with an inscription reading: ARE YOU READY FOR A BRAND NEW YOU? Angela looks at her reflection in the mirror. She can see that the events of the day have caught up to her. She tugs at her Chez Ray hairdo, obviously displeased. Then Angela notices a sign in the window that reads: "Help Wanted." 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: To keep things clearer for the reader, create sign posts in the structure for the audience, ex. unity of subject matter + capitalized locations.

Married to the Mob (1988)(7/14/87 draft)
by Barry Strugatz & Mark R. Burns

TODAY'S NUGGET: Rachel Getting Married (2008) - Example of How Biting Wit & Humor Both Connects and Isolates

[Quick Summary:  Kym, who has been in and out of rehab, is allowed out of her recovery home for her sister Rachel's wedding.]

Q: What makes this melodrama stand out?
A: The key is the protagonist, Kym, who has a biting wit and humor.

Q: What's so unusual?
A: I never know whether it's to connect (and bring the other person closer), or to isolate (and keep them at a distance).  Either way, it keeps things suspenseful.

For example, in the scene below:
- Just prior to this scene, Kym's dad and step-mom have just picked her up from rehab for the wedding weekend.
- In the car, they try to act normal, but the parents are worried. 
- Kym answers their questions with wit, but is defensive.
- Kym wants to belong, but she also likes to be provocative to stand out. 
- Kym has a conscience, but is also self-absorbed.  
- Thus, we enter the scene below uneasy how Kym feels about her sister Rachel.
- Notice Kym is a person of extremes. When she (or another) makes an honest mis-step, she's hard on herself (and others) in a witty way. It's hard to predict but also hard to deal with.

 INT. UPSTAIRS. DAY. CONTINUOUS --

 ...KYM (to Rachel): No, seriously, you're so tiny it's like you're Asian. Dad wants us to sleep in the same room so you'll be able to watch me while he's asleep and I won't sneak out of the house and blow dealers and shoot heroin.

RACHEL: Dad did not say "blow dealers."

KYM: I told him I'd just sleep in Ethan's room.

Beat. [This is an honest mistake and they just realized it.  Also, it makes us wonder. Who is Ethan? What happened? Something bad?]

RACHEL: You can always shoot up in the tree. [Rachel deflects with humor and sarcasm.]

Kym laughs. A little too loud. [Kym does realize the mis-step and tries to cover.]

EMMA: Kym, I'm not remotely surprised you're starting your drama already, however it's Rachel's wedding and this week it's about her.

KYM: Emma, you still have your tiny core of rage! What a relief. [Kym can't admit Emma is right, so uses humor/sarcasm as a defense mechanism.]

Kym flops on the bed and gazes adoringly at her sister for a moment. Rachel beams back. [I found it interesting that the sisters are used to sarcastic humor, so they don't take it personally.]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The biting wit and humor works well here because it comes from character, i.e., it's how Kym deals with life.

It also lends itself to great suspense because we never know if it'll connect, or isolate, her.

Rachel Getting Married (2008)(undated)
by Jenny Lumet

TODAY'S NUGGET: National Treasure (2004) - What Sets Apart the Escalation in This Blockbuster Action Film

[Quick Summary: A historian treasure hunter races against mercenaries who are also looking for the lost Templar treasure.]

In my hunt for more scripts written by E. Max Frye,* I was surprised to find this action blockbuster among his more intimate, character driven films.

However, what sets this film apart from a lot of action adventures is that the big set pieces still feel intimate, in part because they're driven by characters.** 

Consider the escalation scene below:
- Ben Gates, the protagonist, has convinced Ian, a financier, to fund him for the last 7 months. At heart, he's a historian.
- Riley is Ben's compatriot and researcher.
- Ian only wants the treasure to make himself famous.
- Ben, Riley, Ian have traveled to the Arctic to board a 200 y.o. sunken frigate.
- Inside, they found a pipe with a riddle, which they solved.
- The riddle points to the existence of a treasure map, but it's on the back of the Declaration of Independence. 
- Ben refuses to steal the Declaration of Independence. 
- Ian pulls out a gun and demands to know all Ben knows about the riddle.
- I liked this good vs. bad guy action scene because it shows creativity in the snowball effect. 
- When Ian threatens, Ben turns the tables with a lighter --> light goes out --> gunshots --> gas lamp hit & explodes --> Fire!
- Notice how the scene begins with character, i.e., a stand-off, and the escalating action is an extension of the tension between them. 

INT. SHIP, CAPTAIN'S CABIN - CONTINUOUS 

...Ian turns his gun on Riley instead.

IAN: Tell me, or I shoot Riley.

RILEY: Wait! How do you know I don't know something else about the riddle?!

Ben and Ian can't help but just give Riley a look, then Ian pulls the trigger...BLAM!

Riley flinches as the glass porthole in the wall just behind him shatters. The old ship GROANS.

RILEY (CONT'D): Shit. Come on, Ben. Tell him what he doesn't know.

BEN: Okay...

Ben comes up with HIS LIGHTER and flicks it on.

BEN (CONT'D): ...for one thing, the whole room below us is full of gunpowder.

Ben holds the flame over the trap door in the floor. 

BEN (CONT'D): You shoot anyone, I drop this, and none of us gets out of here alive.

Ian eyes the flame. Ben eyes the gun. A tense stand-off.

RILEY (incredulous): Whoa-whoa-whoa! How did we all go from wildly rich to dead in a matter of minutes? Let's think here.

Just then, the FLAME FLICKERS AND GOES OUT. Ian shrugs.

On reflex, Ben tackles Riley and hurls them both to the ground behind the desk as...

Ian OPENS fire on them...BLAM-BLAM-BLAM-BLAM-BLAM!

Bullets CHEW UP the desk and walls. 

One bullet takes out the GAS LANTERN. It explodes with an OIL FIRE, instantly setting the desk ablaze. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Why is it important to start with character before escalating the action? Because the subsequent set piece/action/fights now have meaning. 

National Treasure (2004)(4/9/03 draft)
by Jim Kouf, Cormac & Marianne Wibberley
Previous drafts by Jim Kouf, E. Max Frye, Jon Turteltaub

*I'm attempting to read as many E. Max Frye scripts as possible (even ones he's rewritten, like this one). 

**I would argue that this is a trademark combination in the films produced by producer Jerry Bruckheimer.  

TODAY'S NUGGET: Fracture (2007) - When Anthony Hopkins is Thrilled that Ryan Gosling Can't Find the Right Gun (Motives & Tension)

[Quick Summary: A prosecutor is pitted against a diabolical suspect who freely admits to shooting his own wife, but the gun on the scene is the wrong one.]

I stumbled across this riveting read, which features Ryan Gosling (prosecutor Willy) vs. Anthony Hopkins (murder suspect Crawford) in a "locked room" murder. * **

I was impressed how the writers kept the tension rising through motives:
- Mr. Crawford's wife was having an anonymous affair with a LAPD detective.  
- Crawford arranges to kill his wife, while this detective is on duty. 
- Crawford admits he killed his wife, but the gun at the scene belongs to the detective! 
- Crawford likes to play games and HAS to win (motive).
- Prosecutor Willy, who is leaving for a cushy law firm job, could let this case slide.
- But Crawford has done his homework on Willy, who also HAS to win (motive).
- Willy still has no clue to where the gun is, even on when the trial begins. We can't stop watching! We need to know what happens! 

I really liked the scene below, as it is a turning point for Willy:
- Marchand is the senior Scene Investigation Division tech in charge of searching the house.
- Note how Willy's desire to win drives him NOT give up, even though the facts now favor Crawford.
- Because Willy cannot get to his goal, we're curious to see what he'll do next.
- I really like how motives drive the tension.

INT. CRAWFORD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DUSK

WILLY: What about the neighbors' property? He could have thrown it over the hedges. 

MARCHAND: We checked. (beat) He might have passed it off to somebody, Willy. Had an accomplice, waiting, out the back.

Willy shakes his head, grim. Pacing.

WILLING: This isn't an accomplice sort of guy.

He slows. Looking across the room at the big Rube Goldberg device. As he moves toward it:

WILLY: This is a ...guy who likes to show off.

He examines the intricate workings, eyes traveling the clutter of metal and wires and motors. 

Checks Marchand - who shakes his head.

WILLY: You sure?

MARCHAND: I'm sure.

Willy grimaces. Fuming, relentless: 

WILLY: It's a physical object. It can't just vanish. We're missing something - some step in the story.

He begins walking through the crime, "the stations of the cross" - re-enacting it, starting from the front door, methodical, reciting it to himself:

WILLY: The neighbor sees her get home. He's already inside. She lets herself in. A minute or two later: blood-pattern says she's standing over there - he's somewhere around here.

Willy stands where Crawford was. Raises a finger-gun.

WILLY: Boom. 

As Willy goes to where Jennifer fell:

MARCHAND: But then he carries her back there. Why? 

Willy walks along the path defined by the drops of blood:

WILLY: Because he's gonna need time. To confess. When he's alone with the cop. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: A character like Willy, who is this strongly motivated, will naturally conflict with others, which in turn, drives the tension.

Fracture (2007)(1/6/05, with revisions)
by Dan Pyne

*I've been attempting to read as many E. Max Frye scripts as possible, even ones he's rewritten, such as this one. 

**As a side note: This script is well written and reads really fast.  Scripts this good often have a lot of help, and I counted 6 writers listed on the cover page. 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Where the Money Is (2000) - Woman as Aggressor

[Quick Summary: After discovering her patient has faked his symptoms in order to be transferred from prison, a nurse provokes him into robbing banks again to escape her boring life.]

Writer E. Max Frye's writing has a distinctive voice* that lends itself to suspense.  

His characters who are willing to go to extremes to get what they want.  If they do not know what they want, they're willing to cause chaos to find out.

The latter is the case with his scripts from last week and this week.  The emotionally starved women are searching for thrills and become the aggressor to find it.

For example, in the scene below:
- The protagonist, Carol, is a nurse in a nursing home.
- She's never traveled or done much in life.
- She married Wayne out of high school. They have a steady, but predictable, relationship.
- The highlight of their lives was winning high school prom.
- Her newest patient, Henry, is a bank robber who was recently transferred from prison.
- Henry has fooled everyone by pretending he's suffered a stroke. 
- Carol is the only one who suspects that Henry is faking it.  
- Henry is mute for the first 23 pgs., until the scene below.
- Carol thinks Henry has what she wants (notoriety, really LIVED, known for something) and is the key to getting it for herself.
- Notice how far she's willing to push to get a reaction. Though dysfunctional, she's so blinded by desperation to feel some excitement, she doesn't care. 

EXT. RIVER - LATE AFTERNOON 

Carol clenches her jaw, gets up and kneels beside Henry.

CAROL: Mr. Manning I know you hear me. I know you see me. I'm not gonna hurt you. You can trust me. I want to be your friend.

She reaches out, touches his cheek. He's blank.

WAYNE: Carol...

She pulls out her lighter, holds the flame under his hand. Nothing.

WAYNE: Carol! What the hell you think you're doinl!

He jumps up, grabs the lighter from her.

WAYNE: We're supposed to be havin' a picnic not a freakin' barbecue!

He pockets the lighter. Carol looks at Henry. 

CAROL: All right, damn you.

She grabs the wheelchair, begins pushing it toward the boat ramp.

WAYNE: Carol, don't do nothin' stupid!

But it's too late. She breaks into a run, pushes the wheelchair faster until they reach the sloping pavement of the boat ramp.

WAYNE: Oh, my God!

She lets it go. It races toward the river: SPLASH! Henry quickly disappears beneath the surface.

WAYNE: You'll drown him! We got to get him out of there!

CAROL: No!

She grabs him as he races past. They struggle...then stop as Henry suddenly rises up out of the water like Poseidon. 

They watch him drag himself ashore. He wipes the water from his face, spits.

HENRY: Gimme a cigarette. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: It's the refusal (or not knowing how) to deal with their emotional starvation that results in the lashing out and dysfunction.**

Where the Money Is (2000)(1/8/96 revised)
by E. Max Frye  

*I thought his quote on IMDB was very insightful:

I was lucky. I was thirty by the time Something Wild (1986) came along, so I pretty much already had my voice. I avoided the pitfalls of the rewrite business, and I moved back as soon as I could to New York and continued to write spec scripts. But I've taught film at NYU enough that I see promising screenwriters take the three-picture deal with Disney, and they just disappear after two years of intense grinding and studio manipulation, notes, and people kicking the shit out of them. Before they know what's going on, they have no voice left - if they ever had one to begin with. Or their nascent kind of voice that attracted the studios and producers in the first place gets stomped right out of them.

**Lest you think this type of character may seem unrealistic and too theatrical, I recently experienced the blowback of dealing with one in real life and the "I want what I want" stonewalling was very real.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Something Wild (1996) - To Unleash Messy Inner Desires, Pinpoint the Deep Want/Desire (Character)

[Quick Summary: A rule breaking free spirit seduces a straight laced VP to leave his responsibilities behind, but her ex-convict husband tracks them down.]

One of the hallmarks of a well-crafted script is when it's emotionally (but not structurally) messy.  

Writer E. Max Frye seems to have a knack for this by ensuring the characters are well rounded.  He carefully selects what the characters want so that they conflict.*

In today's script, for example:
- Lulu is well meaning, but also selfish.  She's driven by desire, fun with no strings.  
- Charles is super-responsible, but emotionally starved.  He desperately wants the adventure that Lulu represents. 
- I wondered, "Why doesn't Charles simply walk away?" It's because he's dry timber and she's a flame.  She provokes his deep desire, bypassing his normal caution. 
- Note that the emotions are messy, but not the structure of the scene.

EXT. MOTEL 

...LULU (interrupting): You have money?

He looks at her questioningly

LULU (CONT.): I mean for the room. The rest is free.

He pulls will wallet out.

CHARLES: I can't use the credit cards 'cause they're all company plastic. Our accountant would sure wonder what I was doing in a cheap motel in the middle of Jersey on a Friday afternoon.

LULU: Use the cash.

CHARLES: I can't use it.

LULU: Why not?

He hesitates and looks at her sheepishly. 

CHARLES: It's money for the Christmas Club.

LULU: What's a Christmas Club?

CHARLES: You put money every week into the Christmas Club. It's at my bank. That way when Christmas comes you're not low on cash. I do it every year. This is money for the Christmas Club. I can't spend it.

She looks at him incredulously.

LULU: Charlie, are you telling me we're not going to get a room 'cause you're saving money for Christmas presents...In the middle of June?

He looks at the money then at her. He sees her legs, on her hips and the pouting red mouth. He sees her breasts pushing out of her shirt toward him. He sees a young woman waiting for him to get a motel room so they can go to bed.

CHARLES: Oh, to hell with Christmas. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I really appreciated the clarity of these character's desires.  They're messy and conflict, i.e., interesting, but I was also never lost.

Something Wild (1996)(10/31/25, 2nd draft)
by E. Max Frye

*FYI: I will be exploring more of his work in these next four scripts. 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Sunset (1988) - Regaining One's Dignity in a Parting Shot (Blake Edwards' Style + Setup-Payoff)

[Quick Summary: After lawman Wyatt Earp agrees to consult on a film starring Tom Mix, they trace a murder by the sadistic studio head that leads to a battle at the first Academy Awards.]

I really enjoy Blake Edwards' ability to construct a parting shot that's deeper than just a funny line of dialogue.  They're witty, with a character flourish.

For example, in the scene below:
- Actor Tom Mix is going to play lawman Wyatt Earp in a film.  
- The sadistic studio chief has decided to hire the real Wyatt Earp to act as a consultant. 
- The studio chief has sent his studio police man, Dibner, to track down Tom Mix (star) and Wyatt Earp (hired consultant).  
- Dibner hired two stunt men to rough up Tom and Wyatt at this restaurant. 
- Tom has just threatened Dibner and slammed him up a wall.
- Wyatt now steps up. 
- Note how the construction of this scene sets up the parting shot: Tom has physically threatened Dibner --> Wyatt threatens too --> Tom (and the audience) know Wyatt's threat has more force --> Tom tries to regain his dignity by "setting Wyatt straight" --> Tom's parting shot makes fun of the credibility he lacks compared to Wyatt

INT. EL COYOTE - NIGHT

...WYATT: I don't know what he told you, Marvin, but seein' as how I'm more civilized than he is I'd like to put in my two cents worth. From here on, you give me any more trouble and I'm gonna kill you. Understand?

DIBNER: Yes.

WYATT: Say it. Convince me.

DIBNER: Any more trouble...you'll kill me.

WYATT: I believe you. So from now on, whether you live or die, it's up to you.

DIBNER (shakes his head): 'Scuse me.

He hurries into the men's room.  Wyatt turns to go but Tom stops him.

TOM: Just a minute. We better get somethin' straight right now!

WYATT: What's wrong?

TOM: I threatened I was gonna drag him behind my horse then you waltz in pretty as you please an' threaten to kill him. I don't like bein' out-threatened.

WYATT: I'm sorry. 'Won't ever happen again.

TOM: Okay...

They walk away.

TOM (continuing): Bad as bein' upstaged. 'Got to remember I'm a star.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This parting shot works because: 
a) it has deeper meaning about character, i.e., Tom's attitude about himself; and 
b) it was constructed (setup) from the scene so that it becomes a satisfying payoff.

Don't be fooled into simply tacking on an amusing line. If it doesn't have deeper meaning, it does not resonate, and thus, is not as funny. 

Sunset (1988)(3/20/87 with revisions)
by Blake Edwards
Based on a novel by Rod Amateau

TODAY'S NUGGET: A Man Who Loved Women (1983) - Blake Edwards Creates Romantic Push-Pull Externalized into Action

[Quick Summary: David, a womanizing sculptor, seeks help from his female psychiatrist about his obsession with women and inability to make decisions.]

THREE THOUGHTS:

1) STARS GALORE! This film, adapted and directed by Blake Edwards, had plenty of star power: Burt Reynolds, Julie Andrews, and Kim Bassinger. 

2) ADAPTATION ISSUES. I thought this was an admirable attempt at adapting a French film. But this might be one of the comedies that doesn't translate well.*

2) ROMANTIC COMMITMENT. Romantic farce** is about ridiculing how humans mess up the basics of love with their vices and follies. 

This script plays with the protagonist's (David) indecisiveness to commit. He's unwilling to sacrifice one for the other.  Maybe he just loves the chase too much?***

This scene below demonstrates David's internal push-pull emotions: 
- David has just met Young Woman at the store during Christmas shopping.  
- David helps carry her packages to her apartment, while walking and talking.
- David has just asked the Young Woman out to dinner, but sees Legs walk by and is distracted.
- Note how David's internal push-pull is externalized into action.  He's half listening.  He's with Young Woman but his attention is on Legs.

EXT. STREET - MOVING SHOT - NIGHT

...YOUNG WOMAN: I've been going steady with someone for nearly a year now...

They reach her car.

YOUNG WOMAN (continuing): ...but if I had to be honest, it's not working out.

She takes out her keys, unlocks the door, while David struggles with the choice of staying or pursuing the legs. 

YOUNG WOMAN: ...so the prospect of having dinner with you...

 DAVID (frantically): Look... (dumps the packages on the hood of the car) Don't move. Stay right here... (steps into the street) I'll be right back. (starts to cross the street) Please don't leave...

YOUNG WOMAN: But I can't...

He stops, looks after the legs, then at the Young Woman. He is frozen like an animal, caught in the car's headlights.

YOUNG WOMAN (continuing; screams): Look out!

ONCOMING CAR

As the terrified driver slams on the brakes.

DAVID

The split second before the impact.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was impressed by how David's internal emotions we seen in actions.

I do admit, however, the overall script left me feeling unsatisfied, unresolved and shaggy (which could be the point?)  

The Man Who Loved Women (1983)(Oct., 1982 final draft)
by Blake Edwards & Geoffrey Edwards
Adapted from Francois Truffaut's L'homme qui aimait les femmes (1977)

*Critic Roger Ebert was not complimentary of this film:

"Here is a sad movie with a funny movie inside trying to get out...This movie is a remake, by the way, of a little-seen 1977 Francois Truffaut film. In the Truffaut, the man was seen as something of a victim, suffering from an incurable disease. The tip-off to the phoniness of the Reynolds version is that the movie seems to be recommending the disease."   

I think he's right that the problem might've been the change of focus, i.e., switching from "commitment is a virtue" to the polar opposite, "commitment-phobic is the virtue."

**As a refresher, farce relies on satire:

- Farce (n.) - a light dramatic composition marked by broadly satirical comedy and improbable plot

- Satire (n.) -  a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn

***I really loved Roger Ebert's extremely astute observation of this character:

"He [David] thinks he loves them, but he's not a love, he's a collector....The problem with a man who loves all women is that he can love a woman."

TODAY'S NUGGET: S.O.B. (1981) - Looseness & Freedom to Write Wild Hijinks in Satire

[Quick Summary:  A director decides to reshoot his box office bomb as an erotic film, jeopardizing the reputation of his rated-G leading lady.] 

In this script, writer/director Blake Edwards wanted to talk about those people who, like leeches, feed off of creative people, then turn on them.

I admire that his writing accomplishes several things: 
a) It's bold, daring (ex. the protagonist doesn't speak for the first 50+ minutes!)
b) It's committed to humor, while skewering people's foibles.
c) It maintains a looseness and freedom to take unexpected swings.

In the scene below:
- Polly is the wicked gossip columnist.
- The other characters are: Ben (publicity), Irving (doctor), Culley (director replacing Felix), Lila (came with Culley).
- Felix, the protagonist director, has not spoken and is trying to kill himself in the other room.
- Polly has been unsuccessful in getting inside the house for a scoop.
- Note how the scene begins how we expect, but doesn't end as we expect.
- Also note that nothing is off the table for a laugh, even a falling protagonist.

INT. FARMER BEACH HOUSE - DAY

...The door flies open and there stands Polly.

BEN: Ahhh... Hello, Polly... 

IRVING: Amazing coincidence. I was just talking about you. [I love that this line is both ironic and kissing up to Polly.]

POLLY: Were you, Irving? Hello, Culley, Ben...I hear Felix tried to commit suicide.

BEN: Felix? Suicide?

Culley laughs, Irving joins in followed by Lila and finally, Ben.  [We know Felix has been trying to kill himself, so we're in on the joke.]

BEN: Ridiculous.

Felix comes crashing through the ceiling and lands on Polly. [What a surprise! I expected the sycophants sucking up to the powerful gossip columnist.  I did NOT expect the crash entrance that complicates how to deal with Polly.]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I like that the physical comedy embodied the satire.  

In other words, Polly is trying to get a scoop on a director's possible suicide.  His leeches pretend he's not. The director's body flies into the scene, obviously attempting the suicide. 

This is using satire (irony, sarcasm, ridicule) to make the point that the leeches who demand so much the director are the same ones sending him to his death.  

S.O.B.  (1981)(3/5/80 revised)
by Blake Edwards.

* S.O.B. = Standard Operating Business

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Pink Pather Strikes Again (1976) - Three Examples of How Inspector Clouseau Slapstick Works

[Quick Summary: After former Inspector Dreyfus leaves an insane asylum, he sends assassins after Inspector Clouseau.]

Blake Edwards wrote and directed the original Inspector Clouseau/Pink Panther films.*  Today's script is #4 of his 8 films.**

These scripts are a joy to read because:
a) the joke is always on Clouseau, who is clueless;
b) the slapstick is constantly moving him out of the fire into the frying pan;
c) the slapstick is inventive.

Here are three examples:

EXAMPLE 1: ROMANTIC JOKE ON CLOUSEAU - A Beautiful Mysterious Woman thinks she's slept with Clouseau, when it was actually another spy, James. 

INT. MUNICH HOTEL FIFTH FLOOR HALLWAY - NIGHT

The elevator doors open and Clouseau exits, walks to his door, is about to put the key in the lock when he realizes that the Clerk has given him the bedroom key. He walks back, unlocks the bedroom door and enters as James [the English spy] exits from the sitting room.  

INT. CLOUSEAU'S SUITE - BEDROOM - NIGHT

Dark. The lights in the sitting room have been turned off. Clouseau makes his way to the light switch. CLICK. No lights in here. He makes his way into the sitting room, bumps into a table. We HEAR the Beautiful Mysterious Woman SIGH. Clouseau turns the lights on in the sitting room.The Beautiful Mysterious Woman awakens, gets up and goes into the bathroom. Clouseau comes back into the bedroom, gets undressed and puts on his pyjamas, goes back into the sitting room. The Beautiful Mysterious Woman comes out of the bathroom and climbs back into bed. Clouseau turns off the sitting room light, bumps into the table again and returns to the bedroom. He climbs in bed. A long silence, then Clouseau lets out a yell, leaps from the bed and runs into the sitting room, hits the table, turns on the lights and carefully makes his way back to the bedroom where he freezes at the sigh t of the Beautiful Mysterious Woman in his bed. 

B.M.W. (smiling wickedly): Forgive me, darling. I just washed my hands and they must have been freezing. 

CLOUSEAU: Yes. Freezing. Hands.

It dawns on him that he must be in the wrong apartment. He hurries across the room, opens the door, checks the room number, and returns, checks his key. 

EXAMPLE 2: "OUT OF THE PAN, INTO THE FIRE" SCHTICK - One mistake leads to another.

INT. MUNICH HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT

A CLEANING MAN. vacuuming. A SERVICE REPAIR MAN standing on a stepladder, putting new light bulbs into the huge crystal chandelier. Clouseau trips on the vacuum cleaner cord, stumbles into the ladder, knocking it out from under the Service Repair Man who grabs the chandelier. While the Service Repair Man swings from the chandelier and the Cleaning Man unplugs the broken vacuum that is spewing a geyser of dirt, some of the hotel staff rush to give aid, take the ladder form Clouseau who then continues his way to the desk as if nothing has happened.  

EXAMPLE 3: INVENTIVE "TOILET" HUMOR 

INT. PUBLIC TOILET - NIGHT

Clouseau enters, waits. The Mexican Assassin enters. A man exits a stall and Clouseau goes in as the East German enters. A man exits a stall on the other side of Clouseau and the East German takes it. We are WATCHING three pairs of legs. Clouseau's shoe lace is untied. He bends to tie it. The TWO "WHUMPS" SOUND almost like one. The life goes out of the two pairs of legs on either side of Clouseau. The Assassin's silenced gun clatters to the tile floor. Clouseau stands, FLUSHES TOILET and emerges, exits short.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I really am impressed by the inventive ways the writers get Clouseau out of worse and worse situations.  It's like kids playing on the page.

The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976)(11/19/75 revised)
by Frank Waldman and Blake Edwards

*FYI: The first Inspector Clouseau film featured a diamond called the "Pink Panther." It was so popular that subsequent Inspector Clouseau films were dubbed "Pink Panther" films even though they didn't feature the diamond again.

**I imagine Edwards was not super-thrilled that studios wanted many sequels.  

However, I also imagine the studios were eager to get Edwards back because:
1) the public was still interested in Clouseau even a decade later; and 
2) two Clouseau projects without Edwards weren't as well received.

Here's the list of Pink Panther/Blake Edwards films.  I included the two non-Edwards projects in bold, just for reference: 

- The Pink Panther (1963) - David Niven
- A Shot in the Dark (1964) - Peter Sellers
- Inspector Clouseau (1968) - Alan Arkin
- "The Pink Panther" animated tv series (1969) 
- The Return of the Pink Panther (1975) - Peter Sellers
- The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976) - Peter Sellers
- Revenge of the Pink Panther (1978)  - Peter Sellers
- Trail of the Pink Panther (1982) - Peter Sellers
- Curse of the Pink Panther (1983) - Peter Sellers
- Son of the Pink Panther (1993) - Roberto Benigni

TODAY'S NUGGET: Long Kiss Goodnight (1996) - Visceral Reactions That Lend Action Packed Energy on the Page

[Quick Summary: When a married schoolteacher with amnesia appears on tv, she is outed as a counter-assassin and becomes a target of former colleagues.]

TWO THOUGHTS:

1)  FEMALE ACTION STAR & THE BOX OFFICE. To me, it's important to understand the box office, so as to be aware of what audiences are paying to see. 

Today's script about a "girl-with-the-gun" struggled at the 1996 box office.  Interestingly, not much has changed, even as of this weekend.*  

2) ENERGY ON THE PAGE. I do admire Shane Black trying a female led action film at the height of his popularity.

He has a knack for conveying energy on the page, which is often difficult to do.  

Here, I like how the protagonist experiences visceral reactions that motivates her into frenzied action. 

For example, in the scene below: 
- The protagonist has lost her memory and is calling herself Samantha, though her real name is Charly.
- She is stretched out on a water wheel that's fed by cold river water.
- The bad guys are torturing her to see if she's really an amnesiac.
- I like that the energy comes from the character's emotions.
- One source is from confusion.  Samantha does not know her violent past. 
- Another source is from anger, from being wronged.  She has no idea why she's being tortured and this type of survival vengeance is particularly vicious and unstable. 

INT. BASEMENT OF OLD MILL - THE PRESENT

... UNDER THE WATER - HELL - SAME

Here we are again, in the world of silence and blinding PAIN. Despair and madness but now there's something else -- Now there's RAGE.  [The primary motivators are confusion, anger.]

It takes losing most of the FLESH from her right wrist... But she frees the hand. WRENCHES it loose. The water turns soupy red around it. GROPES, blindly. Fingers NUMB, so fucking cold -- Breath, running out. No air. NO TIME. [Her physical struggles to free herself are like her mental struggles to make sense of this weird situation.]

She darts her right hand forward. Toward the obscenely bobbing CORPSE of Nathan. Does something grotesque, jams her hand DOWN THE CORPSE'S PANTS -- [I like that she's a thinking protagonist & remembers what Nathan had said earlier.]

Hideaway gun, it's right where he said, right beside Mr. Wally. PSP-25 Semi-auto, steel jackets. She waits. Rage inside her. Death in her hands.

MEANWHILE, BACK ON THE SURFACE

The wheel CREAKS. Groans. The terrorist in the western boots watches her emerge, face first -- She comes up firing. [This is a great image, but also metaphorical.]

The first slug takes him in the knee. Blows it to scraps. He collapses, howling. She shifts aim. THE RED BUTTON. No hesitation. BLAM-! Hits it DEAD ON. Stops the wheel. Incredible.

Doesn't blink. Unties her captive hand. BLOWS TO SPLINTERS the wood surrounding her feet. Leaps to solid ground as 

ANOTHER ANGLE

Daedalus looks up from his prone position. In agony. A vision from Hell approaches: A fiendish blue-skinned woman in a sodden nightgown. Blood leaking from one wrist. She has rise, REBORN, from the icy waters.

DAEDALUS: Samantha... Please..!

CHARLY: Who's Samantha? [She's still angry, but also learning more about herself.]

She shoots him in the other knee. He HOWLS. Gun, empty. She tosses it aside. In a nearby crate: ASSAULT RIFLES. Snatches up a Kalashnikov and clip. Kneels and says:

CHARLY: You see it in the movies, badguy says, "Talk to me and I'll let you live." We're gonna run a variation, it goes like this: Take to me..? I'll let you die. 

She fires again. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  I liked that the emotions led the action, and that they aren't put on hold during a fight. It's messy both physically and mentally as her memories surface.

The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)(2/24/95 revised draft)
by Shane Black

* This weekend, another female led action film was released,  From the World of John Wick: Ballerina (2025).

As of yesterday, Deadline stated that the film made $25M, on a reported budget of $90M, and went on to speculate the reasons why:

"There's also the sense that many have already seen these girl-with-the-gun movies before, and there are plenty of copycats on streaming (i.e. Charlize Theron's The Old Guard, Gal Gadot's Heart of Stone, Jennifer Lopez's The Mother) - so why rush out? But this one is through the lense of John Wick, and ya know, stunts! But you can't just swap out our favorite puppy-loving, gun-toting surfer dude for a female lead, and that's potentially why more of the Wick-faithful aren't going."

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Last Boy Scout (1991) - Varying the Amounts of Suspense + Surprise in Escalating Stakes

[Quick Summary: After a hooker dies in front of her boyfriend and the p.i. she hired for protection, the two men uncover a political conspiracy while finding her killer.]

TWO THOUGHTS:

1)  MISOGYNISTIC? Critics have called this film misogynistic (example here). On the page, I didn't particularly think so, but I can see how the overall film could be. 

2)  ESCALATING STAKES.  Writer Shane Black is well known for his action scripts.  One of the keys is that the stakes escalate in unpredictable ways. 

Also, the combination of suspense (ex. we know the dynamite is going to explode) and surprise (ex. explosion has unexpected consequences) isn't formulaic.  

For example, in the scene below: 
- Hallenbeck is the p.i.  Jimmy is the victim's boyfriend. 
- They found dynamite on the victim's car. 
- Hallenbeck takes the dynamite as evidence and moves it to his trunk. 
- Suddenly, two thugs hold them up their car keys.
- Notice that the mixture of suspense and surprise seems to build organically, which adds to the thrill. 
- Note: Though the slugline only says "interior", the action soon spills into the exterior parking lot.

INT.  HALLENBECK'S PLYMOUTH - NIGHT

...Hallenbeck smiles. Calmly turns and throws the keys as far as he can. They land off in the woods.

HALLENBECK: Oops. Don't know my own strength.

TALL MAN: You dumb bastard, you're going to pay for that. Jake, open the trunk.

Jake steps forward, raises the Beretta to shoot open the lock. Hallenbeck tenses, waiting. Looks to a sloping hillside off to his left. Jake FIRES at the lock. The BULLET BLOWS THROUGH the TRUNK -- and HITS three live sticks of DYNAMITE.  [I like that the action here is not telegraphed early.  Jake raises his gun, but he might change his mind --> Hallenbeck reacts, waits --> Jake fires --> bullet hits --> dynamite.]

Joe is already throwing himself and Jimmy down the hillside as the night lights up like a sunburst. The trunk lid is blown fifty feet in the air.

Glass sprays in every direction... Jimmy and Joe careen down the hillside like rag puppets. Lurch to a stop at the bottom. Bruised. Bloody. [We expect the scene to end here, maybe with a quip.]

Side by side, sucking wind -- until a noise intrudes, the sound of CRUMPLING METAL... getting LOUDER. They look up -- and there's the flaming car tumbling end over end down the hill, toward them. [Instead, there is an unexpected surprise of a falling car. It's like "out of the pan, into the fire."]

JIMMY: Son of a bitch!

They dive aside just in time as the car plows past them and slams to a stop against a tree. Burns. Jimmy looks at Joe. Joe looks at Jimmy. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked the combination of 3/4 suspense and 1/4 surprise because: 
a) it's purely about escalating stakes, and 
b) the emotion feels genuine, uncalculated, and not following a set formula.

The Last Boy Scout (1991)(2/25/91 with additional revisions)
by Shane Black
Story by Shane Black and Greg Hicks

TODAY'S NUGGET: Tender Mercies (1983) - How A Simple, Clear Motive Can Be Quite Unpredictable (Suspense)

[Quick Summary: A run down, former singer-songwriter gets a second wife and a second chance with his daughter and career.]

I think people like suspense because it is unpredictable.

But what is unpredictable any more without guns or car chases? 

Perhaps one key is to create characters who:
a) are dedicated to clear motives
b) and their motives clash.  

This script is a good example of pure character work being the unpredictable factor rather than external stimuli like explosions. 

Before the scene below:
- The protagonist, Mac, used to be a famous singer until he became an alcoholic.
- Dixie is Mac's ex-wife and is still touring as a famous singer.
- Sue Anne (18) is their daughter, who hasn't seen her dad since she was 6.
- Harry is Dixie's manager.
- Dixie has spoiled Sue Anne, giving her everything except freedom.
- The tour has stopped in a town near Mac's house.
- Note that the unpredictability spring from within these characters. We are constantly uncertain because we don't know how far the characters will go.

INT. DIXIE'S DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT.

SHE is changing her clothes. Sue Anne and HARRY come in.

DIXIE: I told you to wait up here with me when you weren't out front watching the show.

SUE ANNE: I'm sick of watching the show. I've seen it a hundred times.

DIXIE: Then stay up here.

SUE ANNE: I don't want to sit around here by myself.

DIXIE: Then watch T.V.

SUE ANNE: I'm sick of that, too.

SHE starts out.

DIXIE: Where are you going?

SUE ANNE: I'm going back to the hotel.

DIXIE: Why?

SUE ANNE: To change my clothes. I've got a date tonight.

DIXIE: Who with?

SUE ANNE: None of your business.

DIXIE: God damn it. What do you mean it's none of my business.

HARRY: Now, come on, honey. Don't get excited. You still have the rest of the show to do. [His motive is clear: make sure Dixie gets back on stage.]

DIXIE: She's going on no date unless I know who she's going with. [Dixie's motive is clear: don't let Sue Anne go on this date.]

SUE ANNE: Try and stop me. [Sue Anne's motive is clear: I will go on this date.]

DIXIE grabs her. SUE ANNE yanks her arm free and runs out. DIXIE follows to the door. 

DIXIE: (Screaming): Sue Anne. Sue Ann. Sue Anne. (She turns to Harry.) Harry, go after her. Tell her I said she'd better get back here and get back fast.

HE runs out after her.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Characters don't need complicated motives, but they must be strong clashing ones in order to setup the uncertainty of "how far will they go?"

Tender Mercies (1983)(undated)
by Horton Foote

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Cotton Club (1984) - Breaking Through Writer's Block with 4-5 Word Summaries

[Quick Summary: Several stories of a coronet player getting mixed with mobster, racial tensions, in the Roaring Twenties and early Depression.]

There were three things I really liked in this script:

1) THIS LINE OF DIALOGUE:  

DUTCH: ...You make a livin' with that horn?

DIXIE: I'm eatin' but I'm not getting fat.

2) THE FACT THAT THIS SCRIPT JUMPS AROUND A LOT BUT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE IT. Critic Roger Ebert explains what is in the mix:

Coppola has a way, in this film, of telling all the different stories without giving us the impression he's jumping around a lot. Maybe the music helps. It gives the movie a continuity and an underlying rhythm that makes all of the characters' lives into steps in a sad ballet. We like some of the characters, but we don't have much respect for them, and the movie doesn't bother with clear distinctions between good and evil. "The Cotton Club" is a somewhat cynical movie about a very cynical time, and along with the music and the romance there is racism, cruelty, betrayal, and stunning violence. Romance with a cutting edge.

3) MOST SLUG LINES INCLUDED 4-5 WORD SUMMARY OF "WHAT IS THIS SCENE ABOUT?" It's not a gimmick; it broke through my writer's block.

I was stuck recently and tried this trick to summarize the scene before I wrote it.  Behold!  It cut down on distractions and focused me immediately.

I will note that it was seeing all the various examples that helped.  So I encourage you to read it and page through it for inspiration when you're stuck.

Here are five examples (they're underlined as presented in the script):
- EXT. DWYER APARTMENT - DAY: VINCE SAYS HE'S MARRIED
- EXT. COTTON CLUB - DAY: EXIT AUDITION/SEE LILA ROSE
- INT. HOOFER'S CLUB - DAY: SUGAR REMINDS SANDMAN HE'S LATE
- INT. UBANGI CLUB - NIGHT: BAD JAM SESSION
- INT. DWYER APARTMENT - NIGHT: TEA & TOAST WITH PSYCHOPATH

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I've been returning to this script again and again, just to look at the 4-5 word summaries for different ways to tackle scenes.

The Cotton Club (1984)(8/22/83 shooting script)
by William Kennedy and Francis Ford Coppol/a

TODAY'S NUGGET: Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (1948) - Two Keys in Delivering Setup-Payoffs in a Screwball Comedy

[Quick Summary: Jim and Muriel buy their dream house in the country, but it's more than they can handle.]

Q: What is one of the joys of screwball comedies?
A: Anticipating and wondering what is the character going to do next (?!).

Q: So what is a screwball writer's greatest fear?
A: That these hijinks will drag on the page.

Q: So how does the writer keep the script fun and lively to read?
A: I think it's balancing the delivery of the setup-payoffs.   

Scene A thwarts the audience's expectations with mini setups-payoffs.  However, it doesn't completely deliver a final payoff that would extinguish the momentum. 

The writer has to pace the setup-payoffs in Scene B, C, D, etc. to keep it rising. 

For example, in today's scene below:
- Note that this isn't a particularly new story, but it is about how the tale is TOLD.
- The setup is easy to read and predictable: Jim starts to rub steam off the mirror, which is something we've all experienced.
- The scene payoff is quick as things start to pile up and it gets ridiculous: his lather needs refreshing, more steam, Muriel contorts herself in the small space. 
- Also note the pacing of these small scene payoffs are like snacks.  They satisfy temporarily, but don't deliver the whole meal yet. 
- However, they're fun enough to continue to build curiosity (momentum) until it answers the overall question at the final payoff (is moving a good idea?)
- This film stars Cary Grant and Myrna Loy.

INT. THE BATHROOM

...Jim - He stands in front of the washstand lathering his face. Over scene we hear Muriel's voice from the shower. She is singing a lusty chorus of "Home on the Range." Jim picks up his razor and turns to the mirror. He reacts with annoyance, as he discovers it is covered with steam. With weary resignation he takes a towel and starts to rub off the mirror. As he clears one section another clouds up. By the time he gets it all reasonably clear he finds that his lather needs freshening. He grimly re-lathers his face only to find that the mirror is again clouded up. As he turns with exasperation toward the shower we see Muriel turn off the water, reach for a towel, start to dry herself. The mirror cleared off, Jim re-lathers, starts to shave. During this, Muriel, having dried herself and donned her robe, comes into scene. 

MURIEL (reaching for toothbrush): Excuse...

She takes her toothbrush and then opens the cabinet to get the paste. Jim, automatically following the mirror, has to squeeze around in a desperately contorted position as he continues shaving.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I really enjoy the thwarting of my expectations.  Also, half the fun is watching the setup-payoffs build and build until they explode.

Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (1948)(undated)
by Melvin Frank and Norman Panama
Based on a novel by Eric Hodgins

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Jewel of the Nile (1985) - Perfectly Timed Dialogue and Action (Stakes, Hope-Fear in Romance)

[Quick Summary: A sequel to Romancing the Stone. After an ambitious African politician kidnaps writer Joan Wilder to write his life's story, the selfish Jack Coulter races to her rescue.] 

I agreed with critic Roger Ebert that this story was good, but it lacked romance:

But the original contract specified a sequel, and it’s to everybody’s credit that “The Jewel of the Nile” is an ambitious and elaborate attempt to repeat the success of the first movie; it’s not just a ripoff. Even so, it lacks some of the pleasures of “Romancing,” especially the development of the romance between Douglas and Turner.

He went on to praise the mechanism of his favorite scene in a rat pit*  

I couldn't find that scene in this draft, but found a similar one in which the emotional and physical beats fall like clockwork (below):
- Joan, Jack, and the Jewel have arrived at a village.
- The Chief will let them pass if they pay the $1M toll.
- Pay attention to the rhythm of the scene.
- Notice the hope-fear-hope-fear pattern winds up the tension.

EXT. NUBIAN VILLAGE

...The CHIEF talks aside with the Jewel.

JEWEL: You don't have to pay it. ... Instead he will take Joan for one hour. [Fear. Emotional stakes are high here.]

Jack stops dancing. Looks at Joan.

JOAN: He's kidding. [Hope. She tries to dispel the fear.]

JEWEL: Just one hour. [Fear.]

JACK (teasing): Well Joan, now you can do something serious. Something that really matters. (to the Chief) Go ahead. 

The NUBIANS laugh as Jack offers the CHIEF Joan's hand. All one big joke. Until the CHIEF starts pulling her into his hut.

JACK: OK...fun's fun...hey, that's it. [Fear.]

Now Jack grabs the CHIEF. Wrong move. He's immediately seized by six young toughs. Joan becomes scared. The Chief talks roughly.

JEWEL (translating): He wants to know if you are married? [Emotional stakes.]

JOAN: No.

JEWEL (translating): Any babies? [Higher emotional stakes.]

JACK: No. ...look, what's the difference?

The CHIEF now pushes Jack in the chest. [Physical move that raises stakes.]

JEWEL: Then decide. Either he takes Joan for an hour...

JACK: Or...?

JEWEL: You will lose your leg.  [Fear.]

A terribly OBESE NUBIAN steps forward with a broad AXE on a long handle. The other young toughs stretch out one of Jack's legs. Tension is unbearable. They realize the CHIEF is serious.

JOAN: Jack...I ...I have to. [Rising emotional stakes.]

JACK (straining against their holds): NO!! I forbid you.

JOAN: You can't.

JACK (screams for all he's worth):  NOOOO!!! [Highest tension, stakes.]

The CHIEF looks at Joan.  A wave of his hand and the OBESE NUBIAN raises his axe. Joan turns to the CHIEF. Touches her chest.

JOAN: Yes. Now. 

JACK (half-crazed) Cut the leg. (at the Chief) DAMN IT! CUT OFF MY GODDAMNED LEG!! [FEAR! PEAK OF FEAR!]

JEWEL: That is your decisions?

JACK (really scared): Yes...

JOAN: Jack...

ON THE AXE

High in the air. A beat, then down it comes. BAM! Into the dirt next to Jack. A great CHEER goes up among the Nubians. They start to dance in simple, sweet ecstacy.

JACK - BEING BEAR-HUGGED BY THE CHIEF

ready to faint, looks to Joan, then to the Jewel.

JEWEL (translating): We are free to go no.   ... The Nubians are hopeless romantics. Some tribes enjoy tests of strength. ...They like to test love. [Funny release of tension.]

JACK AND JOAN 

are hoisted on shoulders and carried around the village.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: One key to escalating stakes is the pendulum of emotions swinging from hope to fear.  Don't be afraid to swing widely.

The Jewel of the Nile (1985)(1st draft)
by Mark Rosenthal & Lawrence Konner

* Ebert wrote: 

...My favorite moment between them comes as they hang by their hands over a rat pit, while acid gnaws away at the ropes that suspend them above certain doom. Sure, this scene owes something to “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” But what’s new about it this time is the dialogue – the way they break down and confess that they love each other, and make marriage plans as death inexorably approaches. And then, when DeVito appears and might possibly save them, there is some business with a ladder that is followed by dialogue so perfectly timed that I laughed not so much in amusement as in delight at how well the mechanisms of the scene fell together. (my underline)

TODAY'S NUGGET: My Favorite Wife (1940) - Making It Easy for the Audience to Follow Trickster Characters (Structure)

[Quick Summary: After being missing for 7 years, an anthropologist returns to find her husband has just re-married that day.]

I love Cary Grant as a "trickster" character in screwball comedies because he often paint himself into a corner. How will he get out of this?!

Tricksters make wild decisions on a whim, causing many twists and turns.  Thus it is important to keep the story line fairly straightforward and relatable.

ex. This script's structure has a lot of twists and turns:
- Ellen, an anthropologist on an expedition, is presumed dead at sea.
- It turns out she's spent the last 7 years on a deserted island.
- She returns to find her husband Nick has just married wife #2, Bianca.  
- Nick finds out Ellen is not only alive, but had been on the island with Mr. Burkett, a fellow traveler on the ship.
- Ellen brings in a fake Burkett to meet Nick.
- Nick brings the real Burkett to confront Ellen.
- However, the real Burkett surprises them by declaring he wants to marry Ellen. 
- Despite all this ruckus, note that the simple jealousy story line makes it easy for the audience to follow the action.
- I also liked the smart (but hard to pull off) structural twist: Nick must choose between two wives --> It flips to Ellen now must choose between two husbands. 

Here's a sample of showing jealousy.  Note how it doesn't rush the emotions:

 EXT. GARDEN - DAY

...MED. CLOSE SHOT - of Nick, as he watches, fascinated apparently.

LONG SHOT - Burkett, beautifully build, ascends the lower diving board. He leaps from the diving board and catches the rings in mid-air. 

CLOSE SHOT - as the figure swirls through an intricate movement, every muscle showing.

MED. CLOSE SHOT - Nick, as his head moves from left to right with Burkett's movements.

MED. CLOSE SHOT - Burkett, as his chest expands to the breaking point.

MED. CLOSE SHOT - Nick, as he stares, horrified.

LONG SHOT - as Burkett completes a complicated maneuver.

LONG SHOT - as the spectators burst into spontaneous applause.

MED. CLOST SHOT - as Nick feebly joins in applause.

LONG SHOT - figure still swinging.

                                                                               DISSOLVE

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Trickster characters are inherently contradictory and conflicted, i.e., interesting to watch. Thus, keep the plot simple.

Also, take your time allowing the emotions to rise/fall, as in the scene above. Most of the fun is watching tricksters squirm and evade problems. 

My Favorite Wife (1940)(undated draft)
by Bella & Sam Spewack
Story by Bella & Sam Spewack, and Leo McCarey

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Fisher King (1991) - When Brusque Kindness Breaks Through a Character's Shell

[Quick Summary: After he made a mistake that severely affected a homeless man, a fired radio DJ tries to absolve his guilt by befriending the man.]

TWO THOUGHTS:

1) EXCELLENCE AIN'T CHEAP. This is an excellent script, but it didn't come easy.  (See here for an in-depth interview with the writer Richard LaGravanese).

2) CHARACTERS WHO CARE.  For me, the script rises above others because we feel the characters care about others, even if they're seemingly rude or abrupt.

For example:
- Jack, the DJ, befriends a homeless man, Parry.
- Parry is in love with an office worker, Lydia, but from afar.
- Jack is living with Anne. She has issues with his lack of commitment.
- Jack asks Anne to help him set up Parry and Lydia.
- Jack and Anne get Lydia to come to Anne's video store under false pretenses.
- Lydia admires Anne's nails. 
- Anne offers to do Lydia's nails so that Parry and Jack can "casually drop by."
- Anne is a brusque and isn't exactly excited about this farce, but she is kind.
- I really liked how the writer used this brusque kindness  (Anne) to get past a defensive shell (Lydia).
- The key to the breakthrough is Anne's empathy with Lydia's situation.

INT. ANNE'S APARTMENT - A LITTLE LATER

ANNE works the other hand, as LYDIA sips her tequila from a straw.

ANNE: ...SO...anybody special in your life?

LYDIA (defensive): Do I look like I have someone special?

SHE moves to picks up her tequila with the manicured hand but ANNE eyes her down.

ANNE: Well, don't say it like that. It's not so...ya know, crazy an idea. You are a healthy woman...You hold a steady job. Ya not crossed eyed or anything... [Here, Anne seems rude, but she is actually complimenting Lydia.]

LYDIA: Well, there's nobody special! [Lydia is defensive.]

ANNE: Fine.

LYDIA (pause, then:): I mean it's not easy in this day and age. [However, the empathy makes Lydia feel seen.]

ANNE: What?

LYDIA: Meeting...people.

ANNE: Tell me about it. I've been dating longer than I've been driving. I can't believe that. [Anne identifies how being rejected feels, i.e., again saying "I understand."]

LYDIA: I never really...went through a ...dating period.

ANNE: It's a disgusting process. You haven't missed anything.

LYDIA nods in agreement, but her face tells us she feels she has missed a great deal.  [Some nitpickers may say, "hey, that's 'telling' rather than 'showing'!" but I'd challenge you to do better. How would you explain what an abstract concept like "breakthrough" looks like?!]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  Don't be afraid of characters with rough edges. Don't berate yourself if you can't perfectly abide by "show, not tell."

The Fisher King (1991)(revised 6/30/90)
by Richard LaGravanese

TODAY'S NUGGET: Wrongfully Accused (1998) - A Clever, Spoof Comedy with a Double Take Sight Gag

[Quick Summary: A wrongfully accused man must track down the one-eyed, one-armed, and one-legged man to clear his name.]

Q: What do you think are the best films in the genre?
A: Airplane (1980) and Naked Gun (1988), which star one of the best spoof comedy actors ever, Leslie Nielsen.  (He also stars in today's featured script.)

Q: Spoof comedies are hard to write.  Why didn't you like this one?
A: Around this time, the genre seemed to be running out of new ideas.  

Q: What do you like to see in a spoof comedy?
A: When the story goes off on unexpected tangents.  Or showing something you think you know --> springing a surprise --> which makes you do a double take.

ex.  Today's script does have a great double take sight gag:
- Our hero, Ryan Jack Harrison is at a bait shop, on the run.
- He sees a 'wanted' poster of his own face.
- He draws "big, Buddy Holly glasses, a long ZZ Top beard, and blacks out a few teeth" on the poster.  We immediately ask ourselves, "How is this going to help?!
- The bait shop owner is Roman.
- I love this scene because it's a rare to have a double take WITHIN a sight gag.

INT. "ROMAN'S" - DAY

...[Ryan]starts to leave. Roman pulls a gun.

ROMAN: Don't move, Harrison!

Ryan is about to raise his hands when Roman pushes him aside. Roman's gun is trained on:

ANGLE - MAN

Big Buddy Holly glasses, long ZZ Top beard, and a few blacked out teeth. He looks exactly like Ryan's alterations on the poster.

ANGLE - RYAN

Quietly exits.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked that this sight gag was so simple.  I expected Roman to go after Ryan, but instead, Roman went after "Ryan."

Wrongfully Accused (1998)(4/11/97 revised)
by Pat Proft

TODAY'S NUGGET: Action Jackson (1988) - An Infallible Protagonist is NOT a Shortcut to a Heroic Hero

[Quick Summary: A demoted Detroit police sergeant (but Harvard law grad!) pursues an auto manufacturer who is systematically killing off union leaders.]  

I'd never heard of this film and was curious about it because:
1) of the title; and
2) it starred Carl Weathers in 1988 (a few years after Rocky and Predator).

It was not a well reviewed film* and I can see why:
- lots of loose ends
- dialogue that tells the plot
- the protagonist is unrealistically infallible: a Harvard law grad turned police sergeant rarely has doubts or makes mistakes.

I can see why Weathers signed on.  There is a LOT of action. However, the lack of character development makes the story just okay.

I do wish there were more emotionally tense setup-payoff scenes like the one below:
- Mr. Delaplane is receiving the Man of the Year award.
- Jackson put his son in jail.
- I liked the unexpected surprise of this scene, i.e., Jackson makes a wrong assumption about Delaplane's wife, and she gets the upper hand.
- I also liked how Jackson makes a mistake.  When he's invulnerable, it's boring.

INT. HYATT BALLROOM - NIGHT

...The blonde notices that Jacking is eating, and casually moves closer to his side without a hint of flirtation.

BLONDE: You can hardly hear what he's saying back here.

JACKSON: I know. Best seat in the house.

BLONDE: I take it you're not a friend of Mr. Delaplane.

JACKSON: Not unless they've changed the definition. What's he saying anyway?

BLONDE: Something about how he earned his money the old fashioned way.

JACKSON: That's right. He married it.

She gives him a look of genuine surprise.

BLONDE: You really think so?

Delaplane seems to be wrapping up his acceptance speech.

DELAPLANE: And they say that behind every man is a woman. I wish I could say that mine is behind me, but perhaps she will be in a moment. Patrice?

BLONDE (smiling): I bet I can make you change your mind.

She leaves Jackson and walks the length of the auditorium to join Delaplane at the podium.

DELAPLANE: Ladies and gentlemen, my bride, Patrice Delaplane.

The crowd APPLAUDS, and Jackson stares in shock at the happy couple.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This protagonist was set up to be heroic.  He's a law grad (smart), a good cop (dedicated), infallible. This isn't heroic (or very interesting).

Heroism requires tough choices. It's easiest to see when a character has flaws or doubts, yet chooses to do good.

Action Jackson (1988)
by Robert Reneau

*Even Roger Ebert was puzzled: "What can you make of a movie that has one scene where a cop outruns a taxi cab and another one where a villain shoots his wife in the stomach while kissing her, and then keeps on kissing? What’s going on here? “Action Jackson” plays like a cross between “Superman” and “The Face of Death,” and that’s not intended as a compliment. Rarely have comedy and gruesome violence been combined in such a blithe mixture, as if the violence didn’t really count."

2025 OSCARS: Sing Sing (2024) - The Line of Dialogue That Tells the Multi-Layered Truth

[Quick Summary: Divine G and a group of prisons find deeper meaning when they put on their own time travel play/musical.]

PROGRAMMING NOTE: For this year's 2025 Oscar roundup, I'm going to feature my single favorite line from each of the 10 scripts.

In this line, Divine G speaks of taking ballet at the famous FAME high school:

DIVINE G: ...There's no room for lies in ballet.

I like it because it is economical and says so much about:
- his potential once upon a time
- his understanding of the finer arts
- a metaphor for what fine arts help uncover inside people
- in subtext, what the troupe is trying to uncover through acting.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I'm sure this line of dialogue was honed and honed and honed. It doesn't happen spontaneously (though it may appear to be).

Sing Sing (2024)
by Clint Bentley & Greg Kwedar
Story by Clint Bentley, Greg Kwedar, Clarence "Divine Eye" Maclin, & John "Divine G" Whitfield
Based on "The Sing Sing Follies" by John H. Richardson & "Breakin' The Mummy's Code" by Brent Buell

2025 OSCARS: Nickel Boys (2024) - The Line That's Very Complicated to Execute

[Quick Summary: In 1966 Florida, two young boys navigate life in a reform school.]

PROGRAMMING NOTE: For this year's 2025 Oscar roundup, I'm going to feature my single favorite line from each of the 10 scripts.

One of the hallmarks of this film is that it's told in one point of view at a time.

Because it's always from one person's POV, cinematographer Jomo Fray has said that the following line looks simple on the page, but not in execution.*

In this scene:
- This is from Elwood's POV.
- Elwood sits next to his grandma Hattie on a bus.
- The camera starts from Elwood's eye level, then underneath his bus seat.
- How did they make room for the camera to flip upside down? How did they light the scene for the complicated camera move (above the seat --> below the seat)?!
- I am impressed they left in such a complicated camera move in the script, especially because the budget was low.

INT. CITY BUS - FRENCHTOWN - 1966 - DAY (D15)

 ...As Hattie's hand turns a page, Elwood sees a LITTLE GIRL slide herself feet first from under their seat forward into the space between his own shoes, all the way until her face is visible.

... Elwood bends all the way forward and looks under his seat watching the kid slide backwards under other seats, legs and shoes of passengers toward the back of the bus.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Despite a shoestring budget, these writers were bold enough to aim high.  Don't let your budget dictate to your creativity.

Nickel Boys (2024)
by RaMell Ross & Joslyn Barnes
Based on the novel by Colson Whitehead

*Sorry, I really tried to keep this post to a single line (the last one starting with "Elwood bends"), but it was hard to explain without context.

2025 OSCARS: A Complete Unknown (2024) - The Line That Describes What the Tension in the Atmosphere Feels Like

[Quick Summary: In 1961, Bob Dylan comes to NYC, where he meets his heroes and significant women in his life.]

PROGRAMMING NOTE: For this year's 2025 Oscar roundup, I'm going to feature my single favorite line from each of the 10 scripts.

CON OF READING OSCAR SCRIPTS: There's a bias toward certain stories.

PRO OF READING OSCAR SCRIPTS: Learning what the industry says is the most innovative writing in the last year.

Though today's script wasn't particularly innovative in the biopic genre, I thought it captured atmosphere succinctly, which is often very difficult to do.

I could not decide between my favorite two lines, so I include them both here:

EXAMPLE 1:
- Joan and Bob have just spent the first night together.
- She asks Bob to sing one of his new songs.  She joins in.*
- The line below tries to explain what the tension in the air feels like:

INT. BOB'S APARTMENT -- DAWN

...No one is brave today... 

EXAMPLE 2: 
- Bob has put other things above Sylvie too many times.
- One day, he shows up on a motorcycle and shouts up to her apartment.
- The line below unfolds her inner life that creates an unspoken frisson around her:

EXT. SYLVIE'S APARTMENT -- MOMENTS LATER

...She crosses to Bob and climbs on the bike knowing full well this is stupid. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: It's good to know the writer's rule ("only write what the audience can see") and when to break it (ex. sometimes a writer can only describe atmosphere by describing what a character's internal state is).

A Complete Unknown (2024) 
by James Mangold and Jay Cocks

* As a side note, I loved the description of their singing: "The rusty knife of Bob's voice blunts the beauty of Joan's."

2025 OSCARS: Emilia Perez (2024) - The Line Which Conveys Two Women in the Same Space, Lost in Thought

[Quick Summary: Musical.  A lawyer assists Manitas, a drug lord, to "kill" him, help him to become "Emilia"  via surgery, and then reunite her with her wife and kids.]

PROGRAMMING NOTE: For this year's 2025 Oscar roundup, I'm going to feature my single favorite line from each of the 10 scripts.

I thought it was tricky to adapt this story into a film, and even more so, a musical.* 

There is a ton of ground to cover: who Manitas is; his empire; the threats to him; his transition to a woman; her establishing a non-profit to help families, etc.

The strongest story line that drove many decisions was Emilia's desire to be reunited with her kids, which wasn't unexpected.

The second strongest story line was unexpected: Emilia's new romance with Epifania.  I found it to be more nuanced visually, with subtext.  

The scene below is an example of the second point:
- Prior to this scene, Emilia meets Epifania at the non-profit.
- They go out on a date and stay the night together.
- The scene below is the morning after.
- As Emilia starts to sing, Epifania continues with day's work: dressing housekeeping, etc. 
- I liked the first sentence, which specifies: a) they don't see each other, and b) they're in the same frame.
- This is so succinct!  It conveys through visuals and space that they're each lost in their own thoughts.
- BONUS: I included the second sentence for the last phrase, "weighed down by love," which I thought was beautifully descriptive.

INT. EPIFANIA'S HOUSE - DAY

 ...Epifania does not seem to see her although they are in the same frame.....All her gestures are weighed down by love.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  I liked the economy of words. It's hard to quickly convey two people both lost in thought.

Emilia Perez (2024)
Written and directed by Jacques Audiard, in collaboration with Thomas Bidegain, Lea Mysius, Nicholas Liveechi
Based on the novel by Boris Razon

*The Emilia Perez character began as a secondary character in a French novel.  Jacques Audiard, the film's writer/director, had the idea to first turned Emilia's story into an opera, then a film musical.

2025 OSCARS: Conclave (2024) - One Line That is Underlined May Have a Different Meaning Than Another

[Quick Summary: After the Pope dies, the Dean of the Conclave must manage the voting process for the new Pop and discovers hidden motives of the candidates.]

PROGRAMMING NOTE: For this year's 2025 Oscar roundup, I'm going to feature my single favorite line from each of the 10 scripts.

We writers are told a lot of "don'ts":  "Don't put in camera moves (directors don't like that)." "Show, don't talk about feelings (actors don't like that)."  

These days, I take them "under advisement", i.e., ignore them, because I've seen writers do those very things -  BUT THEY KNEW WHAT 'RULES' TO BREAK.

---------------

Q: In the above paragraphs, why do I only remember the underlined part?
A: Underlining emphasizes things.

Q: Have you seen any effective uses of underlining?
A: I will cite two lines from this script, in same scene, only because they show how underlining does different things:
- The first emphasizes what is in Lawrence's mind and emotions.
- The second is later in the scene, and emphasizes a shift in tone.

INT. PAPAL SUITE - SITTING ROOM - NIGHT

...Lawrence is holding the x-ray to the light, staring in silence, struck that he is looking at the very heart of the man he revered.

....The contest has begun.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Like any good tool, the emotional impact that comes with underlining is best used sparingly.

Conclave (2024)(final draft, w/revisions)
by Peter Straughan
Based on the novel by Robert Harris

2025 OSCARS: September 5 (2024) - The Line That Shows "Instinct" in Action

[Quick Summary: The ABC Sports team must figure out how to report a hostage-terrorist situation nearby their 1972 Munich Olympics broadcast location.]

PROGRAMMING NOTE: For this year's 2025 Oscar roundup, I'm going to feature my single favorite line from each of the 10 scripts.

In this script, I liked the propulsive energy, much of which is told through visuals.

For example, Roone Arledge, President of ABC Sports, was journalist who understood instinctually how to to tell the story via visuals.

How does one SHOW instinct?  Usually through actions rather than dialogue, because it's a spontaneous "feel" rather than a calculated thought.

For example, in the scene below:
- Roone Arledge, President of ABC Sports, tells the director to cut away from the winner, Mark Spitz, and toward the "hopelessly exhausted face of the German swimmer."
- The tv director questions the decision, but directs the camera as instructed.
- The commentator picks up on Arledge's thinking and smoothly gives context, i.e., what it means for this German swimmer at the Munich Games.
- Arledge's journalistic instinct honed in on the big picture: not just the game itself, but the personal, as well as the larger geo-political realities.
- This demonstrates so well the art of instinct: Arledge knew the more interesting angle (and less commonplace one) would be the losing athlete, rather than the winner.

INT. ABC SPORTS' 1972 OLYMPICS STUDIO, CONTROL ROOM

...On the main monitor: the hopelessly exhausted face of the German swimmer. The commentator immediately understands Roone's decision and rounds out the narrative.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This is an example of how to let the audience put 2 + 2 together.

September 5 (2024) 
by Moritz Binder & Tim Fehlbaum, and Alex David

2025 OSCARS: The Substance (2025) - The Line That Begins an Emotional Transition Sequence

[Quick Summary: An aging fitness star tries the Substance to allow her younger self to exist, but it turns dark when the latter wants more than 7 allotted days at a time.]

PROGRAMMING NOTE: For this year's 2025 Oscar roundup, I'm going to feature my single favorite line from each of the 10 scripts.

I was impressed that about 90% of this film occurs in a single apartment, but never feels short changed.  I can identify two reasons:

a) The Substance process is secretive, which lends itself to a single location. 

b) Its superb emotional transitions are sequenced very well to topple from each other like dominoes, and keep the audience so absorbed that it doesn't notice.  

As an example of an emotional transition, I chose the first sentence (below):
- This sentence starts the arc of the emotional transition.
- Because transitions rely on context, by their nature, I've included the rest of the scene to show the entire arc of the transition.
- Previous to this scene, Elisabeth dumped a USB stick that advertised The Substance.
- The action of dumping wilted flowers is both how Elisabeth feels (disgust) and a metaphor for her life. 
- Dumping flowers (disgust) + the USB retrieval (hope) = Shows Elisabeth's conflict of emotions.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

...Elisabeth grabs the wilted flowers from the table, heads to the kitchen and...

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT

...throws them in the trash can.

BLACK

A long silent beat.

CLACK - LOW ANGLE SHOT FROM INSIDE THE TRASH CAN WHICH OPENS AGAIN - revealing Elisabeth's face framed by the black can.

She leans over, sticks her hand inside the black bucket...

...and retrieves the USB stick, covered in sticky residue. 

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I thought this was a good example of how an audience grasps a character's emotional transition through a sequence of the character's actions (structure).

Also, it was illuminating how the writer kept it simple: one sentence, one action.  She didn't try to overload each sentence with too much business.

The Substance (2024)(5/3/22 draft)
by Coralie Fargeat

2025 OSCARS: A Real Pain (2024) - The Line That Shows Great Subtext

[Quick Summary: To honor their grandmother, two opposite cousins go on a Holocaust tour of Poland.]

PROGRAMMING NOTE: For this year's 2025 Oscar roundup, I'm going to feature my single favorite line from each of the 10 scripts.

Actor/writer/director Jesse Eisenberg began this story as a play with one character, another play with the other character, then a short story with the two characters.

His playwriting bent is evident in the emphasis on dialogue and few actions.  

However, there was one action line that was very cinematic and deeply subtextual:
- In previous scenes, we learn that David is the responsible cousin. Benji is the irresponsible one. James is the tour guide.
- Benji accuses James of spitting out facts and figures, not real stories that connect.
- James thanks Benji, as Benji and David are about to leave for the last leg, on their own, to go see their grandmother's house.
- This line shows James finally connecting with Benji.  It's also a really great image of what David and Benji are also trying to do.

INT. LUBLIN HOTEL - DAY

...With James' mop of hair buried in Benji's arms, it almost looks like Benji is hugging David.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was impressed that this one image contained so much more subtext than what we see.  

However, it only makes sense in the film because it relies on previous context.  As a still image, a random viewer might not understand the dynamics.

A Real Pain (2024)(final draft)
by Jesse Eisenberg

2025 OSCARS: The Brutalist (2024) - The Line That Delivers An Explosive Damning Payoff

[Quick Summary: After WWII, a Hungarian architect flees to the U.S., where he tries to eke out a living and meets a wealthy client who offers a plum assignment.] 

PROGRAMMING NOTE: For this year's 2025 Oscar roundup, I'm going to feature my single favorite line from each of the 10 scripts.

This is a slightly more sophisticated script than others I've seen. It's much more about the dynamic between characters, rather than in the narrative.

I think it's how daring the characters are in relation to each other. 

For example, the Erzsebet character, who stole the show, comes to the home of the wealthy Mr. Van Buren in Act 3. 

In front of his two adult kids, associates, she plans to confront him about what he did to her husband. 

The amazing thing is that Van Buren only asks where Laszlo is, then DOES NOTHING ELSE.  

When she accuses him, everyone acts on Van Buren's behalf.  His son drags her out.  His daughter Maggie Lee is screaming, trying to help.  

Then Erzsebet delivers the most damning line:

ERZSEBET: YOU ARE NOT EXCUSED, HARRISON VAN BUREN!

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: It's not necessarily what's said, but the interactions/setup that led up to this explosive damnation.

The Brutalist (2025)(3/12/23 final shooting draft)
by Brady Corbet & Mona Fastvold

2025 OSCARS: Anora (2024) - The Line That Shifted the Mood with Clarity

[Quick Summary: After Ani, an exotic dancer, marries Ivan, a Russian billionaire's son, she grapples with his family's goons who insist they get an annulment.]

PROGRAMMING NOTE: For this year's 2025 Oscar roundup, I'm going to feature my single favorite line from each of the 10 scripts.

This was a well written, clear, character based script with heart and hope.  Some may consider it a dark comedy (I agree) &/or a rom-com (I do not).

The line I chose surprised me because it came late in Act 3 and shifted my mood:
- Ivan has left Ani to fend for herself with his parents' goons. 
- She has agreed to help them find Ivan if she got to speak to Ivan one last time.
- They find Ivan, drunk, back at the gentleman's club.
- Ani finds Diamond humping Ivan in a private room.
- Diamond is competing exotic dancer who hates Ani.
- Diamond saw Ivan enter the club alone and played up to him.
- I liked that the dynamics are complicated:  Lulu (Ani's friend) and Igor (a goon) are trying to help Ani. Diamond (enemy) is trying to stir up trouble for her.
- The script sets up Ani-Diamond animosity well before this point, but it's never resolved.  I liked this sentence's clarity that now we're shifting into high gear.

INT. HEADQUARTERS PRIVATE ROOM - CONTINUOUS

...Lulu and Igor try to de-escalate and Diamond is all about escalating.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: If you don't know how to describe a mood, try to describe its effects on the other party. 

Here, escalating/de-escalating are hard-to-describe, ephemeral feelings, but the dynamic is clear (calm vs. upsetting). 

Anora (2025)(4/22/23 green draft)
by Sean Baker

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Great Muppet Caper (1981) - Situational Jokes in a Rated G Film

[Quick Summary: To get their jobs back at the newspaper, reporters Kermit, Fozzie, and Gonzo go to London to find out who stole Lady Holiday's jewels.]

Q: Why is comedy/humor is often considered "local."
A: The idea is that it "doesn't travel well overseas."

Q: Why is that?
A: Comedy/humor often rely on VERBAL jokes, puns, one-liners, cracks, etc. that rely on understanding a language in context (ex. spelling jokes, cultural usage).

Q: What does relying on the non-verbal look like?
A: It's much more like a silent film, with jokes arising out of the SITUATION. 

Q: Any tips?
A: In silent films, the viewer doesn't need to understand any dialogue to get the joke.  Also, it's funnier if there is weight (stakes) for the characters.

In the scene below, notice that the sound and visuals do the heavy lifting, but it is the stakes for Miss Piggy (Kermit finding out she lied) that add weight to the scene.

INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Suddenly, a strange CLANKING NOISE can be heard from outside. The couple reacts, curious, but calm. Greville leans sideways in his chair and looks out the window up the side of the building, then assumes his original position.

DORCAS: What is it, Greville?

GREVILLE (calmly): Just a pig climbing up the drainpipe. (continued, offering) Tea?

DORCAS: Not for me. 

[Miss Piggy is the the one climbing up the house. She gets in. Kermit rings the doorbell. Miss Piggy answers, pretending this is her house.  She yanks Kermit inside.]

INT. HIGHBROW HOUSE COMPOSITE - NIGHT

She pulls him with her out of sight of the English couple, who crane their necks trying to see what's going on in their house.

KERMIT (rubbing his sore arm): Uh...nice place you've got here.

Greville gets up from the table.

MISS PIGGY: Thanks. I practically stole it.

Miss Piggy begins pulling Kermit from room to room, just ahead of the bewildered Greville who can't quite understand the meaning of all this.

GREVILLE: I say there..

KERMIT: That guy's following us.

MISS PIGGY: He's some sort of servant. Just making sure we're all right. This, of course is the drawing room....

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Kids will think this situation is funny because they know the normally pigs can't climb drainpipes.

Also, they understand why Miss Piggy is so desperate to get inside and pretend this is her house for Kermit.

The Great Muppet Caper (1981)(7/22/80 draft)
by Tom Prachett & Jay Tarses and Jerry Juhl & Jack Ross

TODAY'S NUGGET: The 'Burbs (1989) - Funny is Self-Inflicted Assumptions

[Quick Summary: After neighbor Walter goes missing, the other neighbors assume a mysterious neighbor has kidnapped him, and investigate.]

GOOD NEWS: This script has some fun moments, but it's an okay script.

BAD NEWS: It's an okay script, and it's hard to put one's finger on why.* **

GOOD NEWS: I thought there were amusing + tense moments, especially when the cause is imagined and/or self-inflicted.

For example, in the scene below:
- Ray (protagonist) is curious about the new, unsociable next-door neighbors. 
- The whole neighborhood is curious about their mysterious basement noises too.
- Walter, another neighbor, has been missing for several days.
- Art, the wacky neighbor, thinks the new neighbors have kidnapped Walter. 
- Art just rang the new neighbors' doorbell and slipped a note: "I know what you did" to scare them.
- Art runs to Ray's backyard to wake up Ray, who is napping.
- While they're talking, Vince, Ray's dog, digs up a bone.
- Note the flow of rising and falling tension: Art's impulsive act leads to this tense moment --> increased by Vince finding the bone --> heightened by the unseen smoker next door --> ESCAPE! --> brought to shrieking halt by Carol's appearance.
- It's also funny, because Art started the drama by jumping to conclusions.

EXT. RAY'S BACK YARD - DAY

...ART (thrusts [the bone] at him): Look at it! This thing didn't come off a chicken! Where'd he get it?

Ray stutters and then -- his eyes lock on the fence and he blanches. 

RAY: The fence...he...pulled it out from under the fence...

Art looks once at the fence and his jaw drops.

ART: Jesus Christ! Ray! There's no doubt anymore! This is real! They killed him! They cut him up! And then they buried him in the yard!

He holds the bone in front of his face.

ART: This is Walter!

Involuntarily, Ray screams.

RAY: Aaaaagh!

MEN

PSYCHO PANIC MUSIC SHRIEKS. CAMERA ZOOMS IN AND OUT REPEATEDLY ON the bone and the screaming men in a disorienting acid-fright nightmare effect. Then...

Suddenly, Art springs on Ray and clamps a hand over his mouth! Art's eyes are wide and trained next door, where we hear a SCREEN DOOR SLAM. We start a SLOW, SUSPENSEFUL PAN OVER TO...

FENCE

All we can make out through the slats are shadows, but we can hear FOOTSTEPS on the grass within the yard...and they're coming closer...

PATIO

Art and Ray stand frozen, petrified, as the FOOTSTEPS CLOSE IN on the fence.

FENCE

Now the shadow and the footsteps are nose-to-nose with  the fence, a puff of smoke curling upward from just the other side. The WOOD CREAKS as a couple of slats bend inward, indicating the smoker is leaning on the fence, peeking through a crack.

ART AND RAY

hold each other, paralyzed with fear.

FENCE

CREAKS a little more. Then, up over the top, comes a crumpled piece of paper. It lands softly in the grass, and the smoking presence retreats. The SCREEN DOOR SLAMS again.

ART AND RAY

Art breaks from the patio, leaving Ray frozen stiff. In a crouch, he runs to the wad of paper and furiously opens it. His expression turns dark and he looks at Ray.

ART: My note...

Ray's eyes bulge and he breaks for the back door just as...

CAROL

opens the back door.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  I liked that this scene was based on Art's internal assumptions, which he acted upon, i.e., making the inner emotions seen externally.

The 'Burbs (1989)(4/15/88 draft, revised)
by Dana Olsen

* Ebert writes: "It’s hard to put your finger on exactly what’s missing from the movie. The actors do what they can with the material and the special effects are ambitious, but somehow the film fails to rouse itself into any real conviction. It’s cut and dried; we anticipate the major events in the story and we’re right. And when the explanation for the strange family’s behavior finally arrives, it’s not much of a surprise."

**For what it's worth, I think it might be to do with the low stakes:  Neighbors are curious about the new neighbors, who may have "kidnapped" a fellow neighbor, and investigate.

But what will happen if they don't investigate?  Not much.