[Quick Summary: A new lawyer takes on a last minute death row appeal of a Klansman who killed two kids with a building bomb...and is also the attorney's estranged grandfather.]
Why do Goldman's scripts read like greased lightening?
One reason is that he takes the time (but not too much) to transition the reader's emotions for an upcoming curve ball, surprise, crisis, etc.*
I am always on the lookout for good transitions, as I find them particularly tricky.
In the example below, notice how we're being prepared for a pivotal moment:
- Scene A: We see Adam get upset over news. [Something is up.]
- Scene B: We see that he's nervous, agitated. [This news must mean a lot to him.]
- Scene C: He asks for a case that has upset him and is very personal. [Why?]
ex. "INT. ADAM'S OFFICE - CHICAGO - DAY
It's small, befitting an associate less than a year out of Law School. he breezes to the desk, flips on his computer, puts down the documents and coffee, places his briefcase on the credenza behind him, opens it, takes out some papers and file folders, places them on his desk. . . takes a look a the screen, clicks his mouse on something. . . then turns his back to the computer, takes off his jacket, hangs it on a hook, sits at his desk, opens the documents, takes a sip of coffee. . . takes another glance at the screen . . . and stops cold.
He gives the screen his full attention. There is something on it that drains the blood from his face. Finally he turns away with the look of one who knows the day he had dreaded has come.
He looks at the speaker button on his phone. Thinks. Hits it.
SECRETARY (O.S.): It wasn't de-caf, was it? I could get you some tea --
ADAM: I need to see Goodman. Now.
He clicks off.
INT. KRAVITZ & BANE - HALLWAY - DAY
A long hallway from Adam's office to the more senior offices. Adam emerges from his office and tries to control his nervousness as he walks the long walk.
INT. MR. GOODMAN'S OFFICE - DAY
E. GARNER GOODMAN has done one amazing thing in his life: he has been a practicing lawyer for forty years and has yet to do anything illegal. He is all tidy and neat. His office, on the other hand, is a zoo. Bookcases sag from the strain, the floor is a minefield of piles of legal briefs.
GOODMAN: Have you lost your mind?
He is talking to Adam who is seated in a chair. Adam repeats:
ADAM: No. I am very serious. I want the Cayhall case...."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I had never really considered how important those on-ramps are before an emotional turn. It makes a big difference in the reading experience.
The Chamber (1996)(shooting draft dated 4/16/96)
by William Goldman and Phil Alden Robinson and James Foley
Based on the novel by John Grisham
*FYI: Transitions are not just moving a character to a different location.
In writer's lingo, "transitions" are a broad umbrella of things that help prepare the reader for a switch in emotional state.
For example:
- Setting up scene A so that scene B is a payoff (structure)
- Seeding a conflict in scene A so that it explodes in scene B (conflict)
Monday, September 24, 2018
Monday, September 17, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: Fierce Creatures (1997) - Exaggeration is Helpful for Satire
[Quick Summary: After a corporation buys a zoo and tries to corporatize it, the keepers rebel.]
WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE: The second half of the script was a little strained.
WHAT I DID LIKE: The first half was much more solid, especially the use of exaggeration to emphasize the irony of a situation.
In the scene below, Octopus, Inc. has bought a zoo and wants to increase profits.
Its executive, Rollo, has decreed that only Fierce Animals will draw crowds and will be allowed to stay.
Note the use of exaggeration and contrast, which makes us laugh.
ex. "EXT. COATIMUNDI ENCLOSURE AND ENVIRONS. DAY
ROLLO stands arguing with SYDNEY, PIP, DEREK, HUGH and others. SYDNEY is inside the enclosure, holding a chair, which he occasionally uses, lion-tamer style.
ROLLO: Fierce??! That coatimundi...
He indiciates a Coatimundi, which is watching in a friendly manner. [A lion-tamer chair for a 2 foot, 8 lb. animal?!]
SYDNEY: It's a wild animal, sir. It's not domesticated.
ROLLO: Neither's a house fly and I wouldn't call that savage.
SYDNEY: You take a liberty with him and he'll give you a nasty nip. [Trying to make him sound ferocious.]
ROLLO: A safety pin could give me a nasty nip Lotterby. I'll tell you what's fierce: fierce is taking your whole hand off.
KEEPERS: Whole hand!?! No! Impossible! No!! [Aghast reactions are funny.]
ROLLO: (Walking away) Lotterby, could I have a word with you over here please
HUGH: It is all right if it wrenches the hand off?? [More exaggeration to make the animal sound fierce.]
ROLLO: Oh yes.
HUGH: Phew.
SYDNEY: (Showing a scar) That's what a coati did to me. Look! [Big exaggeration compared to the likely small scar.]
ROLLO: I'm surprised you lived. Now...
ROLLO and SYDNEY have arrived at some cages. SYDNEY looks at them, winces, and then puts on a very positive, cheerful polite act.
ROLLO: ...These are your meerkats, correct?
SYDNEY: Er...yes sir.
ROLLO: (Pointing) On the new plaque here it says ... they're known as the 'Piranhas of the Desert'? Is that right? [Good exaggerated visual.]
SYDNEY: Yes sir, they can strip a human carcass in three minutes. [Blood thirsty description!]
ROLLO: (Pulling out a book) My encyclopedia says they're easy to tame and are often kept as pets. (He shows SYDNEY the page) See? [I like the contrast of 'tame' vs. 'piranha'.]
SYDNEY: Well, you haven't been attacked by one sir.
ROLLO: Nobody's been attacked by one, Lotterby (He moves on) Or if they have, they didn't notice... [He calls Sydney on the unlikely possibility of an attack.]
SYDNEY: They've got diabolical temperaments, sir..." [I give credit to Sydney for his commitment to his mission.]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I laughed because the keepers created such an exaggerated fiction compared to the modest reality. It was just simply ridiculous.
Fierce Creatures (1997)(9th draft, 4/4/95; originally titled Strictly Confidential)
by John Cleese and Iain Johnstone
WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE: The second half of the script was a little strained.
WHAT I DID LIKE: The first half was much more solid, especially the use of exaggeration to emphasize the irony of a situation.
In the scene below, Octopus, Inc. has bought a zoo and wants to increase profits.
Its executive, Rollo, has decreed that only Fierce Animals will draw crowds and will be allowed to stay.
Note the use of exaggeration and contrast, which makes us laugh.
ex. "EXT. COATIMUNDI ENCLOSURE AND ENVIRONS. DAY
ROLLO stands arguing with SYDNEY, PIP, DEREK, HUGH and others. SYDNEY is inside the enclosure, holding a chair, which he occasionally uses, lion-tamer style.
ROLLO: Fierce??! That coatimundi...
He indiciates a Coatimundi, which is watching in a friendly manner. [A lion-tamer chair for a 2 foot, 8 lb. animal?!]
SYDNEY: It's a wild animal, sir. It's not domesticated.
ROLLO: Neither's a house fly and I wouldn't call that savage.
SYDNEY: You take a liberty with him and he'll give you a nasty nip. [Trying to make him sound ferocious.]
ROLLO: A safety pin could give me a nasty nip Lotterby. I'll tell you what's fierce: fierce is taking your whole hand off.
KEEPERS: Whole hand!?! No! Impossible! No!! [Aghast reactions are funny.]
ROLLO: (Walking away) Lotterby, could I have a word with you over here please
HUGH: It is all right if it wrenches the hand off?? [More exaggeration to make the animal sound fierce.]
ROLLO: Oh yes.
HUGH: Phew.
SYDNEY: (Showing a scar) That's what a coati did to me. Look! [Big exaggeration compared to the likely small scar.]
ROLLO: I'm surprised you lived. Now...
ROLLO and SYDNEY have arrived at some cages. SYDNEY looks at them, winces, and then puts on a very positive, cheerful polite act.
ROLLO: ...These are your meerkats, correct?
SYDNEY: Er...yes sir.
ROLLO: (Pointing) On the new plaque here it says ... they're known as the 'Piranhas of the Desert'? Is that right? [Good exaggerated visual.]
SYDNEY: Yes sir, they can strip a human carcass in three minutes. [Blood thirsty description!]
ROLLO: (Pulling out a book) My encyclopedia says they're easy to tame and are often kept as pets. (He shows SYDNEY the page) See? [I like the contrast of 'tame' vs. 'piranha'.]
SYDNEY: Well, you haven't been attacked by one sir.
ROLLO: Nobody's been attacked by one, Lotterby (He moves on) Or if they have, they didn't notice... [He calls Sydney on the unlikely possibility of an attack.]
SYDNEY: They've got diabolical temperaments, sir..." [I give credit to Sydney for his commitment to his mission.]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I laughed because the keepers created such an exaggerated fiction compared to the modest reality. It was just simply ridiculous.
Fierce Creatures (1997)(9th draft, 4/4/95; originally titled Strictly Confidential)
by John Cleese and Iain Johnstone
Monday, September 10, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: American Buffalo (1996) - The Mamet Voice; Unusual Dialogue Format
[Quick Summary: After Don, a junk shop owner with a shady side business, agrees to steal a valuable buffalo nickel with Teach, his protegee Bob brings bad news.]
Some Mamet plays translate to film, but this one does not for me.
I think it is still worth a read. Here are a few thoughts why:
1) The distinctive Mamet voice
- Like many Mamet original scripts,* this one follows a winding path. It takes a little while before we know what the story is, but I like how it winds out and then back.
- The dialogue has a staccato tempo that meanders too, i.e., like real conversations.
- It is more interested in the space between two people than plot (sorry, plot junkies).
2) The unusual use of parentheses in dialogue
This is the first time that I've seen the frequent use of parentheses like this.
There's no further instruction or description on what the parentheses mean, so I assume the dialogue is meant to be spoken in a low or soft voice.
Also, I noticed that as I saw more parentheses, they became a visual cue = "low voice" = automatically caused me to read between the lines a little more.
In the scene below, Teach tries to persuade Don not to bring young Bob on board. Notice how much is unspoken yet understood between the two old comrades.
ex. "INT. JUNK SHOP - DAY
...Don crosses to his desk.
TEACH: It's hard to make up the rules about this stuff.
DON: (You'll be in there under lots of pressure.)
TEACH: (Not so much.)
DON: (Come on, a little, anyway.)
TEACH: (That's only natural.)
DON: (Yeah.)
TEACH: (It wouldn't be unnatural I wasn't tense. A guy who isn't tense, I don't want him on my side.)
DON: (No.)
TEACH: (You know why?)
DON: (Yeah.)
TEACH: (Okay, then.) It's good to talk this stuff out.
DON: Yeah."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I'm not sure that I'd recommend frequent use of parentheses, but it works here. It's nice to see something that I had not seen before.
American Buffalo (1996)(shooting script w/revisions, dated May-June, 1995)
by David Mamet
Adaptation from his play
*By "original," I mean scripts based on his original work or his plays. I do not mean adaptations that he has written for others.
Some Mamet plays translate to film, but this one does not for me.
I think it is still worth a read. Here are a few thoughts why:
1) The distinctive Mamet voice
- Like many Mamet original scripts,* this one follows a winding path. It takes a little while before we know what the story is, but I like how it winds out and then back.
- The dialogue has a staccato tempo that meanders too, i.e., like real conversations.
- It is more interested in the space between two people than plot (sorry, plot junkies).
2) The unusual use of parentheses in dialogue
This is the first time that I've seen the frequent use of parentheses like this.
There's no further instruction or description on what the parentheses mean, so I assume the dialogue is meant to be spoken in a low or soft voice.
Also, I noticed that as I saw more parentheses, they became a visual cue = "low voice" = automatically caused me to read between the lines a little more.
In the scene below, Teach tries to persuade Don not to bring young Bob on board. Notice how much is unspoken yet understood between the two old comrades.
ex. "INT. JUNK SHOP - DAY
...Don crosses to his desk.
TEACH: It's hard to make up the rules about this stuff.
DON: (You'll be in there under lots of pressure.)
TEACH: (Not so much.)
DON: (Come on, a little, anyway.)
TEACH: (That's only natural.)
DON: (Yeah.)
TEACH: (It wouldn't be unnatural I wasn't tense. A guy who isn't tense, I don't want him on my side.)
DON: (No.)
TEACH: (You know why?)
DON: (Yeah.)
TEACH: (Okay, then.) It's good to talk this stuff out.
DON: Yeah."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I'm not sure that I'd recommend frequent use of parentheses, but it works here. It's nice to see something that I had not seen before.
American Buffalo (1996)(shooting script w/revisions, dated May-June, 1995)
by David Mamet
Adaptation from his play
*By "original," I mean scripts based on his original work or his plays. I do not mean adaptations that he has written for others.
Monday, September 3, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: Mother (1996) - Irony; Very Small Things; Entrenched
[Quick Summary: As an experiment, John, a twice divorced 40 y.o. man moves back in with his mother Beatrice to find out what is the root of his problems with women.]
Why is this script funny?
Because it made me chuckle a lot? Yes.
Because it was clever and multi-layered? Yes.
But mostly, I think it was the way it skewered family dynamics that are so, so familiar. These characters are entrenched in their positions over very small things.
ex. "INT. SAFEWAY MARKET - DAY
...They stop at the jellies. There's Smucker's, Welch's, and all the standard brands. Then there's one luxury brand for $10.95. It's wrapped up in tissue paper and has a ribbon on it. John takes that. Beatrice almost has a heart attack.
BEATRICE: Oh, don't buy that.
JOHN: Why?
BEATRICE: Because that's a waste of money. You can get a whole jar here for $2.50. Why do you want to spend $10.95? [Arguing about...jelly = Very small things.]
JOHN: Cause this looks like good jelly and thank God we can afford it. Let's experience this together.
BEATRICE: I don't want this experience. You're fooled by these names and all that fancy wrapping. [She's convinced he's being taken.]
JOHN: I'm not fooled by anything. This is not what the experiment's about. It's not about being fooled. It's about splurging. See, I realized something. I think you treat yourself very cheaply, and I think that therefore you have instilled that into me. [He's convinced that she's seeing things narrowly.]
BEATRICE: Honey, I don't treat myself cheaply at all. I lived through a Depression. You didn't.
JOHN: Things aren't so great right now.
BEATRICE: Well it's not like it was in the thirties. You don't have to wait in line to buy bread.
John looks to his left. There's a huge line over by the bakery. The camera sees it. No one says anything. [Irony!]"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked how the script poked fun at familiar situations using irony, very small things, and deep commitment to one's position.
Mother (1996)(final draft, June 1995)
by Albert Brooks and Monica Johnson
Why is this script funny?
Because it made me chuckle a lot? Yes.
Because it was clever and multi-layered? Yes.
But mostly, I think it was the way it skewered family dynamics that are so, so familiar. These characters are entrenched in their positions over very small things.
ex. "INT. SAFEWAY MARKET - DAY
...They stop at the jellies. There's Smucker's, Welch's, and all the standard brands. Then there's one luxury brand for $10.95. It's wrapped up in tissue paper and has a ribbon on it. John takes that. Beatrice almost has a heart attack.
BEATRICE: Oh, don't buy that.
JOHN: Why?
BEATRICE: Because that's a waste of money. You can get a whole jar here for $2.50. Why do you want to spend $10.95? [Arguing about...jelly = Very small things.]
JOHN: Cause this looks like good jelly and thank God we can afford it. Let's experience this together.
BEATRICE: I don't want this experience. You're fooled by these names and all that fancy wrapping. [She's convinced he's being taken.]
JOHN: I'm not fooled by anything. This is not what the experiment's about. It's not about being fooled. It's about splurging. See, I realized something. I think you treat yourself very cheaply, and I think that therefore you have instilled that into me. [He's convinced that she's seeing things narrowly.]
BEATRICE: Honey, I don't treat myself cheaply at all. I lived through a Depression. You didn't.
JOHN: Things aren't so great right now.
BEATRICE: Well it's not like it was in the thirties. You don't have to wait in line to buy bread.
John looks to his left. There's a huge line over by the bakery. The camera sees it. No one says anything. [Irony!]"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked how the script poked fun at familiar situations using irony, very small things, and deep commitment to one's position.
Mother (1996)(final draft, June 1995)
by Albert Brooks and Monica Johnson
Monday, August 27, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: The Wedding Singer (1998) - The Unfulfilled Desire
[Quick Summary: The wedding singer, who is engaged to the wrong woman, and a waitress, who is engaged to the wrong guy, fall in love.]
I have issues with this script, but it's ok.
I was pretty impressed, however, by how fast we get a hint of the protagonist's unfilled desire (interior conflict to come)* - by page 3!
In the scene below:
- Robbie, the wedding singer, can't wait to get married (unfulfilled desire).
- He thinks his life is all smooth sailing.
- He has just wrested the microphone from the Best Man and saved his client's wedding reception.
ex. "Robbie raises his glass and everyone in the thankful crowd follows suit in a smattering sort of way. The tension is broken.
Many look at Robbie hopefully, many still disturbed. The bride is ashen, unable to look at her husband, who sits by her side sweating.
ROBBIE (continued): C'mon everybody, we've all done crazy things. I had dreams of being a rock star and I was living what I thought was a rock'n'roll lifestyle. 'Til I met a girl who made me realize what's really important in life. And I'm marrying her next week. [Uh-oh.]
The crowd applauds. Robbie acknowledges it.
ROBBIE (continued): The point is, when you're in love, the emptiness is gone and there's no reason to do stupid things. Cause you got something to live for - each other. And the way I've seen these two look into each others' eyes all day long, I can tell they're gonna live for each other the rest of their lives. Cheers! [He's a romantic. We sense that he's soon to be disappointed.]
The entire room fills with the warmth generated by Robbie's love inspiring speech."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked how we got to Robbie's current status quo quickly, with a light comedic touch, and set us up for where we'll be going.
The Wedding Singer (1998)
by Tim Herlihy (rewrite by Carrie Fisher, 11/8/96)
*This is known as Step 1: The Chemical Equation (Setup): "A scene or sequence identifying the exterior and/or interior conflict (i.e., unfulfilled desire), the "what's wrong with this picture" implied in the protagonist's (and/or the antagonist's) current status quo."
I have issues with this script, but it's ok.
I was pretty impressed, however, by how fast we get a hint of the protagonist's unfilled desire (interior conflict to come)* - by page 3!
In the scene below:
- Robbie, the wedding singer, can't wait to get married (unfulfilled desire).
- He thinks his life is all smooth sailing.
- He has just wrested the microphone from the Best Man and saved his client's wedding reception.
ex. "Robbie raises his glass and everyone in the thankful crowd follows suit in a smattering sort of way. The tension is broken.
Many look at Robbie hopefully, many still disturbed. The bride is ashen, unable to look at her husband, who sits by her side sweating.
ROBBIE (continued): C'mon everybody, we've all done crazy things. I had dreams of being a rock star and I was living what I thought was a rock'n'roll lifestyle. 'Til I met a girl who made me realize what's really important in life. And I'm marrying her next week. [Uh-oh.]
The crowd applauds. Robbie acknowledges it.
ROBBIE (continued): The point is, when you're in love, the emptiness is gone and there's no reason to do stupid things. Cause you got something to live for - each other. And the way I've seen these two look into each others' eyes all day long, I can tell they're gonna live for each other the rest of their lives. Cheers! [He's a romantic. We sense that he's soon to be disappointed.]
The entire room fills with the warmth generated by Robbie's love inspiring speech."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked how we got to Robbie's current status quo quickly, with a light comedic touch, and set us up for where we'll be going.
The Wedding Singer (1998)
by Tim Herlihy (rewrite by Carrie Fisher, 11/8/96)
*This is known as Step 1: The Chemical Equation (Setup): "A scene or sequence identifying the exterior and/or interior conflict (i.e., unfulfilled desire), the "what's wrong with this picture" implied in the protagonist's (and/or the antagonist's) current status quo."
Monday, August 20, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: 9 to 5 (1980) - Farce is a Skillfully Exploited Situation
[Quick Summary: Three very different female co-workers bond over some wild, crazy adventures outwitting their sexist, lying, egotistical boss.]
Two lessons from this script:
1) How a Script Can Hinge on the Right Casting. Even with a good script, Dolly Parton added that "extra" vibrancy. So if you can get Dolly Parton, get Dolly Parton.
2) Why Do We Laugh at Farce? Let's start with the definition:
This script had several great examples, including the scene below.
Prior to this scece, Violet has accidentally put rat poison in the boss' coffee.
--> The boss hit his head, became unconscious, and spilt the coffee.
--> He is rushed to the E.R., woke up, and walked out.
--> Meanwhile, another unconscious man is wheeled in.
--> The police are waiting to hear about man #2.
Watch how we laugh the misunderstanding in the situation:
ex. "INT. EMERGENCY WARD - NIGHT
...A Medic that brought in the man on the gurney exits the emergency room. The Detective stops him for a moment.
DETECTIVE: The guy they just brought in on the gurney; how is he?
MEDIC #1: Not so good.
DETECTIVE: When can I speak to the Doctor?
MEDIC #1: He knows you're here. [This line signals to Violet that "everyone knows what she did." The reality is that no one does yet.]
The Medic walks on down the hall.
VIOLET: Oh, my God. They found out about it already.
JUDY: Don't panic. Don't panic.
The Doctor comes out and the Detective speaks to him.
DETECTIVE: How is he, Doc?
DOCTOR: He's dead.
Violet receives the news with a shock. Doralee and Judy are equally horrified.
VIOLET: Oh, my God. [She thinks the boss is dead, but ironically he's not.]
DETECTIVE: Can you tell what caused it?
DOCTOR: Not without an autopsy, but I'm fairly certain it was some kind of poison.
VIOLET: Ohhh... [She thinks she's to blame, but she's not.]
Violet feels suddenly faint and Judy and Doralee rush to help her. The Doctor leads the Detective and the Policeman into his office down the hall while Judy and Doralee help a distraught Violet to a seat in the waiting room."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Farce is about the situation more than the character development.
9 to 5 (1980)(final draft, 12/12/79)
by Colin Higgins
Story by Patricia Resnick
Two lessons from this script:
1) How a Script Can Hinge on the Right Casting. Even with a good script, Dolly Parton added that "extra" vibrancy. So if you can get Dolly Parton, get Dolly Parton.
2) Why Do We Laugh at Farce? Let's start with the definition:
Farce (n.) = A light, humorous play in which the plot depends upon a skillfully exploited situation rather than upon the development of character. (my emphasis)This is a new idea to me that farce is more about the situation than the character.
This script had several great examples, including the scene below.
Prior to this scece, Violet has accidentally put rat poison in the boss' coffee.
--> The boss hit his head, became unconscious, and spilt the coffee.
--> He is rushed to the E.R., woke up, and walked out.
--> Meanwhile, another unconscious man is wheeled in.
--> The police are waiting to hear about man #2.
Watch how we laugh the misunderstanding in the situation:
ex. "INT. EMERGENCY WARD - NIGHT
...A Medic that brought in the man on the gurney exits the emergency room. The Detective stops him for a moment.
DETECTIVE: The guy they just brought in on the gurney; how is he?
MEDIC #1: Not so good.
DETECTIVE: When can I speak to the Doctor?
MEDIC #1: He knows you're here. [This line signals to Violet that "everyone knows what she did." The reality is that no one does yet.]
The Medic walks on down the hall.
VIOLET: Oh, my God. They found out about it already.
JUDY: Don't panic. Don't panic.
The Doctor comes out and the Detective speaks to him.
DETECTIVE: How is he, Doc?
DOCTOR: He's dead.
Violet receives the news with a shock. Doralee and Judy are equally horrified.
VIOLET: Oh, my God. [She thinks the boss is dead, but ironically he's not.]
DETECTIVE: Can you tell what caused it?
DOCTOR: Not without an autopsy, but I'm fairly certain it was some kind of poison.
VIOLET: Ohhh... [She thinks she's to blame, but she's not.]
Violet feels suddenly faint and Judy and Doralee rush to help her. The Doctor leads the Detective and the Policeman into his office down the hall while Judy and Doralee help a distraught Violet to a seat in the waiting room."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Farce is about the situation more than the character development.
9 to 5 (1980)(final draft, 12/12/79)
by Colin Higgins
Story by Patricia Resnick
Monday, August 13, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: Pelican Brief (1993) - A Good Example of Suspense
[Quick Summary: After two Supreme Court justices are murdered, a Tulane Law School student proposes a possible conspiracy, and ends up running for her life.]
I'm not sure that I liked this script (or maybe it was the story?)
However, I did like the following suspense scene where Darby is on the run.
She has arranged to meet with Verheek, someone she has never met before.
She has no idea, but we know that this guy is an imposter.
ex. "EXT. BOARDWALK - DAY
The boardwalk is crowded; a line has formed beside the Bayou Queen, a paddle wheeler. They stop at the end of the line.
HE: Are we getting on this boat?
DARBY: Yes. I've got a car a mile upriver at a park where we'll stop in thirty minutes.
The line is moving now.
CLOSE SHOT - HIM
CAMERA follows his hand as he touches the trouse pocket that contains the gun. He reaches into the pocket and pulls out a handkerchief.
CAMERA pans up with him as he brings it to his nose. There is a tiny flash of metal against the base of his skull just below the red baseball cap.
CLOSE SHOT DARBY'S HAND HOLDING HIS AS HIS HAND FALLS AWAY FROM HERS.
CLOSE SHOT DARBY as she whirls around.
DARBY'S P.O.V. of HIM falling to the ground.
CLOSE SHOT OF WHITE HANDKERCHIEF still clutched in his hand as it hits the ground. It turns bloos red.
VERY CLOSE SHOT - DARBY'S EYES AND MOUTH FILLING THE SCREEN WITH HER SCREAM...She whirls around in horror.
CAMERA whirls around to her P.O.V.
A man is running away. He disappears in a crowd.
WOMAN (V.O.): He's got a gun.
CAMERA whirls back again, following the sound of the woman's voice. SHe is standing next to Darby.
CAMERA slams down to her P.O.V.
The man she thinks is Verheek is on all fours with a small pistol in his right hand. Blood streams from his chin and puddles under his face. He lunges to the edge of the boardwalk. The gun drops into the water. He collapses on his stomach with his head hanging over and dripping into the river."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I think it's her reaction shots that makes the shock resonate so strongly with us.
Pelican Brief (1993)(1st draft, 2/10/93)
by Alan J. Pakula
Adapted from the novel by John Grisham
I'm not sure that I liked this script (or maybe it was the story?)
However, I did like the following suspense scene where Darby is on the run.
She has arranged to meet with Verheek, someone she has never met before.
She has no idea, but we know that this guy is an imposter.
ex. "EXT. BOARDWALK - DAY
The boardwalk is crowded; a line has formed beside the Bayou Queen, a paddle wheeler. They stop at the end of the line.
HE: Are we getting on this boat?
DARBY: Yes. I've got a car a mile upriver at a park where we'll stop in thirty minutes.
The line is moving now.
CLOSE SHOT - HIM
CAMERA follows his hand as he touches the trouse pocket that contains the gun. He reaches into the pocket and pulls out a handkerchief.
CAMERA pans up with him as he brings it to his nose. There is a tiny flash of metal against the base of his skull just below the red baseball cap.
CLOSE SHOT DARBY'S HAND HOLDING HIS AS HIS HAND FALLS AWAY FROM HERS.
CLOSE SHOT DARBY as she whirls around.
DARBY'S P.O.V. of HIM falling to the ground.
CLOSE SHOT OF WHITE HANDKERCHIEF still clutched in his hand as it hits the ground. It turns bloos red.
VERY CLOSE SHOT - DARBY'S EYES AND MOUTH FILLING THE SCREEN WITH HER SCREAM...She whirls around in horror.
CAMERA whirls around to her P.O.V.
A man is running away. He disappears in a crowd.
WOMAN (V.O.): He's got a gun.
CAMERA whirls back again, following the sound of the woman's voice. SHe is standing next to Darby.
CAMERA slams down to her P.O.V.
The man she thinks is Verheek is on all fours with a small pistol in his right hand. Blood streams from his chin and puddles under his face. He lunges to the edge of the boardwalk. The gun drops into the water. He collapses on his stomach with his head hanging over and dripping into the river."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I think it's her reaction shots that makes the shock resonate so strongly with us.
Pelican Brief (1993)(1st draft, 2/10/93)
by Alan J. Pakula
Adapted from the novel by John Grisham
Monday, August 6, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: St. Elmo's Fire (1985) - The Comedic "3 Beats"
[Quick Summary: Three months out of college, seven college friends enter their Freshman Year of Life with all its expectations, secrets, and messiness.]
MY TWO CENTS:
1) Would I buy this script today? YES, in a heart beat.
Why?
- It's a witty, fun, sharp, timeless drama + comedy.
- It's rare to have so much great comedy in a drama.
- It is a true ensemble cast for 7 young actors, with great arcs and conflict.
- It's cheap (no CGI, car chases, etc.)
2) The Comedic "3 Beats." I was impressed by the number of "3 beats" in this script.*
Usually, the 3 beats are close together:
ex. "INT. GEORGETOWN MEDICAL CENTER - AUGUST NIGHT
...Wendy is looking over Jules' Date who hovers in the distance.
WENDY: Is that your date? [BEAT 1]
The naked man wanders past them. [BEAT 2]
JULES: No that's my date! [BEAT 3]
As usual, Jules has managed to make Wendy laugh, just as the Cops approach her."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sometimes, the 3 beats were looser and further apart:
ex. "INT. LADIES ROOM
Jules is applying eyeshadow to Wendy's bruised eye.
WENDY: He got drunk cause he lost his job. [Set the argument.]
JULES: Again? You didn't give him any money did you...?
WENDY: A little.
JULES: I thought you were going to take definite steps to change everything in your life that is not working. [BEAT 1]
WENDY: That doesn't leave much left. [BEAT 2]
JULES: Wendy this is all too destructive.
WENDY: Life in the fat lane. [BEAT 3]
JULES: You're not fat.
WENDY: I am fat. And no diet works. The only way to loose [sic] weight is by amputation. [BEAT 1]
JULES: You have to amputate Billy the Kid. [BEAT 2]
WENDY: I can't. [BEAT 3] [BEAT 1]
JULES: I don't get it. [BEAT 2]
WENDY: Me either." [BEAT 3]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I think these "3 beat" comedy bits allowed this drama to skewer a little deeper, a little closer to the bone, than straight drama alone could.
St. Elmo's Fire (1985)(3/13/84 draft)
by Joel Schumacher and Carl Kurlander
* "3 beats"= The rhythm and/or repetition of "three" things. I'm not sure who discovered it, but it always seems to make people laugh.
MY TWO CENTS:
1) Would I buy this script today? YES, in a heart beat.
Why?
- It's a witty, fun, sharp, timeless drama + comedy.
- It's rare to have so much great comedy in a drama.
- It is a true ensemble cast for 7 young actors, with great arcs and conflict.
- It's cheap (no CGI, car chases, etc.)
2) The Comedic "3 Beats." I was impressed by the number of "3 beats" in this script.*
Usually, the 3 beats are close together:
ex. "INT. GEORGETOWN MEDICAL CENTER - AUGUST NIGHT
...Wendy is looking over Jules' Date who hovers in the distance.
WENDY: Is that your date? [BEAT 1]
The naked man wanders past them. [BEAT 2]
JULES: No that's my date! [BEAT 3]
As usual, Jules has managed to make Wendy laugh, just as the Cops approach her."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sometimes, the 3 beats were looser and further apart:
ex. "INT. LADIES ROOM
Jules is applying eyeshadow to Wendy's bruised eye.
WENDY: He got drunk cause he lost his job. [Set the argument.]
JULES: Again? You didn't give him any money did you...?
WENDY: A little.
JULES: I thought you were going to take definite steps to change everything in your life that is not working. [BEAT 1]
WENDY: That doesn't leave much left. [BEAT 2]
JULES: Wendy this is all too destructive.
WENDY: Life in the fat lane. [BEAT 3]
JULES: You're not fat.
WENDY: I am fat. And no diet works. The only way to loose [sic] weight is by amputation. [BEAT 1]
JULES: You have to amputate Billy the Kid. [BEAT 2]
WENDY: I can't. [BEAT 3] [BEAT 1]
JULES: I don't get it. [BEAT 2]
WENDY: Me either." [BEAT 3]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I think these "3 beat" comedy bits allowed this drama to skewer a little deeper, a little closer to the bone, than straight drama alone could.
St. Elmo's Fire (1985)(3/13/84 draft)
by Joel Schumacher and Carl Kurlander
* "3 beats"= The rhythm and/or repetition of "three" things. I'm not sure who discovered it, but it always seems to make people laugh.
Monday, July 30, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: 12 Angry Men (1957) - The Invisible Structure of a Talky Script
[Quick Summary: Twelve NYC jurors debate the fate of a young man accused of killing his father.]
Q: Why is dialogue so tricky, especially for new writers?
A: I think it's because they try to make dialogue carry things that it is not meant to.
Q: "Telling" the plot instead of "showing," right?
A: Yes.
Q: What about 12 Angry Men? It's a very, very, very talky script where the jurors "tell" the defendant's story.
A: Yes, but that is not what the story is really about.
Q: What do you mean?
A: It's really about the jurors' beliefs and attitudes. It's not about what they say, but how they say it, when they say it, and how they persuade or defend.
Q: How did the writer do that?
A: Structure! Here, the juxtaposition of dialogue revealed more than the words did.
Notice in the scene below:
ex. "#6: I don't know. I started to be convinced, uh...you know, very early in the case. Well, I was looking for the motive. That's very important. If there's no motive where's the case? So anyway, that testimony from those people across the hall from the kid's apartment, that was very powerful. Didn't they say something about an argument between the father and the boy around seven o'clock that night? I mean, I can be wrong.
MEDIUM SHOT #11, #10, #9, #8 FROM ACROSS THE TABLE
#11: It was eight o'clock. Not seven.
#8: That's right. Eight o'clock. They heard an argument, but they coulen't hear what it was about. Then they heard the father hit the boy twice, and finally they saw the boy walk angrily out of the hosue. What does that prove?
CLOSE UP #6
Any time he is working on his own ideas he feels himself on unsteady ground, and is ready to back down. He does so now.
#6: Well it doesn't exactly prove anything. It's just part of the picture. I didn't say it proved anything.
MEDIUM SHOT CENTERING ON #'S 6, 7, 8
#8: You said it revealed a motive for this killing. The prosecuting attorney said the same thing. Well I don't think it's a very strong motive. This boy has been hit so many times in his life that violence is practically a normal state of affairs for him. I can't see two slaps in the face provoking him into committing murder. [#8 discredits #6]
MEDIUM SHOT #4
#4 (Quietly): It may have been two too many. Everyone has a breaking point.
CLOSE UP #8
Looking across at #4, and realizing instantly that this will probably be his most powerful adversary. #4 is the man of logic, and a man without emotional attachment to this case." [#8 recognizes opponent]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Juxtaposing Character A's dialogue against Character B's can reveal more unspoken things (ex. strategy, attitudes) than their words could.
12 Angry Men (1957)
Story and screenplay by Reginald Rose
Q: Why is dialogue so tricky, especially for new writers?
A: I think it's because they try to make dialogue carry things that it is not meant to.
Q: "Telling" the plot instead of "showing," right?
A: Yes.
Q: What about 12 Angry Men? It's a very, very, very talky script where the jurors "tell" the defendant's story.
A: Yes, but that is not what the story is really about.
Q: What do you mean?
A: It's really about the jurors' beliefs and attitudes. It's not about what they say, but how they say it, when they say it, and how they persuade or defend.
Q: How did the writer do that?
A: Structure! Here, the juxtaposition of dialogue revealed more than the words did.
Notice in the scene below:
- #8 (our hero) argues with juror #6 --> It reveals #6's faulty reasoning
- #4's comment reveals his beliefs --> #8 identifies an opponent
ex. "#6: I don't know. I started to be convinced, uh...you know, very early in the case. Well, I was looking for the motive. That's very important. If there's no motive where's the case? So anyway, that testimony from those people across the hall from the kid's apartment, that was very powerful. Didn't they say something about an argument between the father and the boy around seven o'clock that night? I mean, I can be wrong.
MEDIUM SHOT #11, #10, #9, #8 FROM ACROSS THE TABLE
#11: It was eight o'clock. Not seven.
#8: That's right. Eight o'clock. They heard an argument, but they coulen't hear what it was about. Then they heard the father hit the boy twice, and finally they saw the boy walk angrily out of the hosue. What does that prove?
CLOSE UP #6
Any time he is working on his own ideas he feels himself on unsteady ground, and is ready to back down. He does so now.
#6: Well it doesn't exactly prove anything. It's just part of the picture. I didn't say it proved anything.
MEDIUM SHOT CENTERING ON #'S 6, 7, 8
#8: You said it revealed a motive for this killing. The prosecuting attorney said the same thing. Well I don't think it's a very strong motive. This boy has been hit so many times in his life that violence is practically a normal state of affairs for him. I can't see two slaps in the face provoking him into committing murder. [#8 discredits #6]
MEDIUM SHOT #4
#4 (Quietly): It may have been two too many. Everyone has a breaking point.
CLOSE UP #8
Looking across at #4, and realizing instantly that this will probably be his most powerful adversary. #4 is the man of logic, and a man without emotional attachment to this case." [#8 recognizes opponent]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Juxtaposing Character A's dialogue against Character B's can reveal more unspoken things (ex. strategy, attitudes) than their words could.
12 Angry Men (1957)
Story and screenplay by Reginald Rose
Monday, July 23, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: Reds (1981) - Characters Matter to Us; Politics as Backdrop
[Quick Summary: This is the very complicated, push-pull marriage of communist activist Jack Reed and writer Louise Bryant (late 1910s).]
Once again, film critic Roger Ebert nails my feelings for this script:
Why? Because "[t]he heart of the film is in the relationship between Reed and Bryant," which spits and crackles.*
I worried about Louise, who was no push over, yet wasn't taken seriously as a writer.
I was exasperated with Jack, a political animal who 'never wants to be where he's at.'
Could these two lovers make it work? Or was it doomed?
In the scene below, notice how politics is only in the backdrop.
The real conflict is a universal one: How do Louise and Jack take care of (or don't take care of) one another against the demands of career and politics?
ex. "INT. CROTON HOUSE - THE KITCHEN - JACK
...LOUISE'S VOICE: Jack?
JACK: Stay out! Stay out! Stay out!
INSIDE THE DINING ROOM Louise sits at the table on which is a birthday cake. She counts the candles suspiciously.
INSIDE THE KITCHEN the turkey, now wrapped in a towel, lies on the sink as Jack drops a mound of diced vegetables into a pan of boiling grease. The grease erupts with a gust of smoke and a loud sizzling sound.
INSIDE THE DINING ROOM, Louise sits gripping the arms of her chair, watching the smoke flow out from around the kitchen door and calls brightly.
LOUISE: I had an offer today to lecture in St. Louis and San Francisco, but I turned them down. I don't want to go any further away from here than New Jersey. (there is no answer) Jack?
JACK: Stay out! Stay out!
...He returns with an entire platter of little burnt things and puts them in front of Louise.
JACK: I put a turkey in the oven so we have a while.
LOUISE: Mmmm.
JACK: Eat up, there're plenty more where those came from.
The phone rings. He sits looking at it, then walks over and picks it up.
JACK: Hello (he listens) Tonight? Oh, shit. (he listens) Hold on. (to Louise, his hand over the phone) The organizer they found in Rochester has to go back tonight and I have to meet with him. I'll only be an hour. I'm sorry, honey.
LOUISE: No, no. If you think it's important.
JACK (into phone): I'll be there in twenty minutes. (he hangs up)
Louise slumps as he prepares to leave."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Characters matter.
"A film about the politics in the Bolshevik Revolution? I'll pass." vs. "A film about mismatched lovers against the backdrop of the Bolshevik Revolution? Yes, please."
Reds (1981)
by Warren Beatty and Trevor Griffiths
*Thanks to uncredited work by writer/director Elaine May.
Once again, film critic Roger Ebert nails my feelings for this script:
The whole movie finally comes down to the fact that the characters matter to us. Beatty may be fascinated by the ins and outs of American left-wing politics sixty years ago, but he is not so idealistic as to believe an American mass audience can be inspired to care as deeply. So he gives us people. (underline mine)Another story about politics? NO THANK YOU. But this story was different.
Why? Because "[t]he heart of the film is in the relationship between Reed and Bryant," which spits and crackles.*
I worried about Louise, who was no push over, yet wasn't taken seriously as a writer.
I was exasperated with Jack, a political animal who 'never wants to be where he's at.'
Could these two lovers make it work? Or was it doomed?
In the scene below, notice how politics is only in the backdrop.
The real conflict is a universal one: How do Louise and Jack take care of (or don't take care of) one another against the demands of career and politics?
ex. "INT. CROTON HOUSE - THE KITCHEN - JACK
...LOUISE'S VOICE: Jack?
JACK: Stay out! Stay out! Stay out!
INSIDE THE DINING ROOM Louise sits at the table on which is a birthday cake. She counts the candles suspiciously.
INSIDE THE KITCHEN the turkey, now wrapped in a towel, lies on the sink as Jack drops a mound of diced vegetables into a pan of boiling grease. The grease erupts with a gust of smoke and a loud sizzling sound.
INSIDE THE DINING ROOM, Louise sits gripping the arms of her chair, watching the smoke flow out from around the kitchen door and calls brightly.
LOUISE: I had an offer today to lecture in St. Louis and San Francisco, but I turned them down. I don't want to go any further away from here than New Jersey. (there is no answer) Jack?
JACK: Stay out! Stay out!
...He returns with an entire platter of little burnt things and puts them in front of Louise.
JACK: I put a turkey in the oven so we have a while.
LOUISE: Mmmm.
JACK: Eat up, there're plenty more where those came from.
The phone rings. He sits looking at it, then walks over and picks it up.
JACK: Hello (he listens) Tonight? Oh, shit. (he listens) Hold on. (to Louise, his hand over the phone) The organizer they found in Rochester has to go back tonight and I have to meet with him. I'll only be an hour. I'm sorry, honey.
LOUISE: No, no. If you think it's important.
JACK (into phone): I'll be there in twenty minutes. (he hangs up)
Louise slumps as he prepares to leave."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Characters matter.
"A film about the politics in the Bolshevik Revolution? I'll pass." vs. "A film about mismatched lovers against the backdrop of the Bolshevik Revolution? Yes, please."
Reds (1981)
by Warren Beatty and Trevor Griffiths
*Thanks to uncredited work by writer/director Elaine May.
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