TODAY'S NUGGET: The Thin Red Line (1998) - A Malick Script is Different Than Others

[Quick Summary: American soldiers arrive in Guadacanal to fight the Japanese.]

>>FYI: CONFUSING SCRIPT AHEAD.  FOR ADVANCED WRITERS ONLY.<<

MY THREE THOUGHTS:

1) THE SCRIPT. A screenplay is often described as a blueprint, a map, or a plan.

Its purpose is to outline what the final product, i.e., the film, will look like.

On the range from 10 (set-in-stone; very planned) to 1 (loose recipe; least planned), this Terrence Malick script is around a -3 (a sketch; will be discarded).

This will not be surprising if you know Malick's work. 

However, I, who knew very little, found it irritating.

2) THE PROCESS. Malick has been described as a "screen poet," "intuitive," "spontaneous," a "truth seeker" rather than a film director.

I think he is more interested in process than the end product:

And we sat there for five or ten minutes while he got different angles of this bird flying through the sky, you know, but that’s how, it was like the script didn’t really matter to him, the story didn’t matter, although we shot the script and we shot the story, the movie didn’t really resemble the script by the time he finished editing it. ... [I]t seemed like he was gathering moments, just taking them with him and then he’d get back and say “Let’s turn this into a movie.” —Actor John C. Reilly on The Thin Red Line

3) THE SCRIPT AGAIN. So what did I learn?

First, Malick scripts are an entirely separate category in my mind.  I'm not surprised that they might be discarded during shooting. But the story too? That unsettles me.

Second, the scenes from this script that stuck with me were the simple ones.

In the scene below, Tella is a soldier shot in the chest and gut.:

ex. "Slipping one arm under the Italian's knees and the other under his shoulders, he lifts.

TELLA: Aaa-eeeee! Put me down! Put me down! You're breaking me in two! Put me down! You'll kill me! You son of a bitch! You fucker! You bastard! I told you to leave me alone! You shiteater! Stay away from me!

Turning his head away and closing his eyes, he begins his desperate, wailing, piercing scream agin. Five yards above them on the slope a line of machine gun BULLETS slowly stitches itself across from left to right. With sudden, desperate inspiration, Welsh leaps across the prostrate Tella and begins rummaging in the dead Medic's belt pouches.

WELSH: Here! Tella! Take these! Tella!

Tella stops screaming and opens his eyes. Welsh tosses him two morphine syrettes he has found and begins to attack another pouch.

TELLA: More! More! Gimme more! More!

Welsh tosses him a double handful he has found in the other pouch and then turns to run. But something stops him. Crouched like a sprinter at the gun, he turns his head and looks at Tella one more time. Tella, already unscrewing the cap from one of the syrettes, is looking at him feelingly, his eyes wide and white.

TELLA: Goodbye! Goodbye, Welsh!

WELSH: Goodbye, kid.

It is all he can think of to say. For that matter, it is all he has time to say, because he is already off and running. Bullets WHIR by his head. He runs and runs and then he falls headlong over the little crest and just lies there, half-dead from exhaustion.

STEIN: Sergeant, I saw the whole thing through the glasses. I want you to know I'm mentioning you in Orders tomorrow. I'm recommending you for the Silver Star. I can only say --

WELSH: Captain, if you say one word to thank me, I will punch you square in the nose. Right here. If you ever so much as mention me in your fucking Orders, I will resign my rating two minutes after, and leave you to run this pore, busted-up outfit by yourself. If I go to jail. So fucking help me."

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: In the Malick process, the script's typical purpose is thrown out the window.  This is both freeing, but also confusing, if you don't know what is going on.

The Thin Red Line (1998)(2nd draft, 10/3/96)
by Terrence Malick
Based on the novel by James Jones

TODAY'S NUGGET: After Hours (1985) - Satire Needs Good Pacing & Tension

[Quick Summary: After meeting an intriguing woman at 2 a.m., Paul, a bored computer processor, has a bad, bad, bad, horrible night.]

This is one weird script. Ebert calls this the "tensest comedy" and a satire.

I get "comedy" but "satire"?

In this story, Paul meets a stranger, Marcy, at 2 a.m. in New York.  She invites him to her friend's apartment, and he encounters stranger and stranger situations.

Oh, I see! They're trying to satirize is what it feels like to live in a big city, i.e., the dealing with the unexpected. 

But how to pull it off?

a) Satire = Exaggeration. The writer gave Paul merciless, unrelenting waves of the unexpected.  This is funny for some reason.

b) Pacing & Tension. However, it was crucial to have strong pacing and tension to harness the waves.  Otherwise, it's just random scenes leading nowhere.

In the scene below, note:
- The pacing races along until Kiki's reveal, i.e., the a-ha! moment.
- Paul is quite tense &/or relieved, based on wrong facts.
- The overall effect is feeling discombobulated.  These people are not real, are they?
- It's a funny scene...Is it because of the situation? Or how people respond to tension?

ex. "EXT. SPRING ST.

PAUL begins heading int he direction of the bar, when, crossing a street, he sees, to the south, two FIGURES, one carrying a  TV set and the other that life-size sculpture from KIKI'S loft. The FIGURES stop behind a van parked on the street. PAUL runs toward them.

PAUL: Hey! [This scene establishes Paul's expectations: Robbers stole an acquaintance's sculpture. Paul is offended.]

Hearing this, both FIGURES drop what they're carrying. They quickly climb into the van and drive off, speeding by PAUL who soon reaches the TV, the tube broken, and the sculpture.  He straddles the latter behind him, piggy-back style, and carries it toward Broome St. [Paul has rescued Kiki's stolen property & is relieved.]
                                                                                     CUT TO:

EXT. LOFT BUILDING.

PAUL presses KIKI's buzzer, then looks up at the fourth floor window. KIKI pops her head out, but she is gagged and, apparently, bound. Her head disappears, then pops out again with her keys dangling from her mouth. She lets them fall. [Paul sees Kiki is bound & assumes it was before the robbery. He is tense again.]

INT. LOFT BUILDING.

PAUL rounds a landing with difficulty, the statue an awkward burden. [This is ironic that he wouldn't put down the statue.  This is unexpected & funny.]
                                                                                       CUT TO:

INT. KIKI'S LOFT.

PAUL enters. KIKI is huddled in a corner, tied up. PAUL moves over to her and removes her gag.

KIKI: Paul...

PAUL: Kiki...

KIKI: It's raining!

PAUL: No, it isn't.

PAUL begins to untie her.

PAUL: How'd they get in?

KIKI: How'd who get in?

PAUL: The burglars.

KIKI: What burglars?

PAUL stops untying her, confused. [Pacing: It's been fast, fast, now slows.]

PAUL: The guys I just saw with your sculpture...and a TV set. [Paul states his beliefs.]

KIKI slowly breaks into a grin.

KIKI: Neil and Pepe?..I just sold them my television. What are you doing with my sculpture? [Reveal: Kiki's property was not stolen. Paul's beliefs are upended.]

At that moment HORST enters, dressed in black leather clothing, with spurred boots and spiked bracelets. [Pacing: A new character is introduced, adding to the mayhem.]

KIKI (to PAUL): I'm sorry, but you can't stay the night. Not after the way you walked out on Marcy. Regular ladykiller, aren't ya? [Twist: Kiki is acting as if being bound is normal. This is odd to a normal guy like Paul.]

HORST: This the guy? (to PAUL) I'm Horst. [Twist: Horst is acting as if Kiki being bound is normal too. This is doubly odd for Paul.]

PAUL: Paul. Could you...? (indicates sculpture still on his back)" [Comedy: It's funny that Paul is carrying the sculpture all this time.]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  It took me awhile to see the satire.  I am impressed that as weird as it was to read, it was simply grounded, i.e., This guy just wants to go home.

After Hours (1985)(4th draft, dated 6/6/84)
by Joseph Minion

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Wind and The Lion (1975) - How To Read a Script With Distracting Formatting

[Quick Summary: When an American woman and her children are kidnapped by the last of the Barbary pirates, Teddy Roosevelt sends a rescue team in a political move.]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.

You've skimmed down to the example below and said, "How does a writer get away with that? Scripts today don't look like that! Why should I read that?"

First, today's script was written by the director.

Second, it was probably the best he could do to convey what he was trying to convey.

Third, reading challenging scripts make you a better writer. 

Fourth, ugly scripts are bought as often as pretty ones.*

HOW TO READ A SCRIPT WITH DISTRACTING/UGLY FORMATTING:

- Ignore the formatting as best you can.
- Ignore the denseness of the black print.
- Focus on what the writer is trying to convey (mood, emotion, etc.)  Did it work?
- Focus on why the scene worked as it was intended, despite the formatting.

In the example below, notice:
- Eden is being seduced by the desert. 
- Each sentence is part of the puzzle, a layer upon layer.
- The arc of the scene is from surprise --> enjoying --> startled at the seduction.
- Did you see her surprise coming?

ex. "THE PALACE OF RAISULI - NIGHT

...Eden put her foot into the water with great trepidation. She looked around again to see if anyone was watching and once more took in the extreme aloneness of the place. It was timeless, as if it had been waiting forever for her to be here now. She stepped back out and loosened her silk Berber robes at the belt, let them cascade down her shoulders and fall silently at her feet. She now stood naked, the moonlight reflecting softly on her skin and the breeze gently cooling her. Above her the vast expanse of the moon and stars, around her the cliffs and flower drenched walls. The sound of the Berber men singing carried from distant tents on the sweet smelling dry wind. She slipped smoothly into the warm scented waters and watched the reflection of the moon sparkle on their surface. The world seemed to ripple like the surface of the water starting from deep within her and pulsating out in ever widening circles over everything she had ever known or been. She gave herself up to the desert, the cliffs and the sound of the Berbers singing. And a part of her soul slipped easily away on the wind and brushed over the mountains. And she knew it was gone. She sat up.

EDEN: I can't let this go on. I must escape, God willing. I must escape!"

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Be bold on the page. Don't limit yourself, even if you need paragraphs to get your ideas across.

The Wind and the Lion (1975)(undated draft)
Written & directed by John Milius

*Scripts are not rejected solely based on formatting, contrary to popular myth.  The determining factor is whether the execution of ideas is effective (is it moving? inspiring? scary? romantic?) 

TODAY'S NUGGET: Ghosts of Mars (2001) - Clarity When Changing POV

[Quick Summary: On Mars, four cops arrive at a mining outpost to take a prisoner back to the big city...but only one cop survives the trip.]

CON: I didn't connect with this script, though it has all the elements - efficient, fast moving, Western, sci-fi, an escape. I'm not sure why.

PRO: I've always found it difficult to clearly change point of view (POV) without confusing the reader.  This script makes it look so easy and natural.

In the scene below, we begin with characters meeting the Local Cop ---> Local Cop looking at the characters.

ex. "INT. STORAGE AREA - NIGHT

Bashira is alone in the storage area. She's frozen, staring at a locket closet. From inside comes a rhythmic THUMPING. Something's inside....

Helena draws her weapon and nods to Jericho to unlock the closet. He quietly fiddles with the lock and...

THE DOOR OPENS [First, characters look at Local Cop.]

A uniformed woman, a LOCAL COP, 20's, falls out. She seems more like a mental patient than a cop. She's in a stupor, but she raises her right arm and then makes a strange repetitive gesture, moving her arms listlessly together and then apart, the thumbs and index fingers extended upward.

HELENA: Officer, are you all right? (no response) Can you speak?

LOCAL COP (GHOST) POV [Then we switch to Local Cop's POV looking back.]

looking at Helena and the others.

The POV is strange, distorted.

Helena's VOICE sounds weird, slowed-down. This is the POV of something inside the Local Cop. A ghost. [This emphasizes we're still in Local Cop's POV.]

HELENA: Officer? Talk to me. What's going on?"

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Introduce a character before switching to that character's POV.  Don't jump too fast to the new character's POV, otherwise it's too confusing. 

ex. Introduce Local Cop before switching to Local Cop's POV.

Ghosts of Mars (2001)(undated)
by Larry Sulkis & John Carpenter

TODAY'S NUGGET: Black Moon Rising (1986) - Part 2: Emotionally Justifying the Big Action Scene

[Quick Summary: Quint steals and stashes evidence in Black Moon, a prototype car which has been stolen, and must break into a chop shop fortress to retrieve it.]

TWO THOUGHTS:  [Sorry for the length of the post, but the example is long.]

2) EMOTIONALLY JUSTIFYING THE BIG ACTION SCENE.

OLD DAYS: The writer would first create a character's story ---> He/she may/may not include a big action scene.

TODAY:  A director or producer says, "I want a big explosion and a car chase."  --> The writer has to create a story around, i.e., justify, the explosion and/or car chase.

So what do you do? You start with character if you're smart. Where is the character emotionally at the Big Action moment?  Why is there need for emotional release?

Then you backtrack:
- The goal is the Big Action scene. Where is he/she emotionally?
- Create a conflict that will ramp up your character into that emotional state.
- Create a situation that allows those emotions to surface.

Let's use the scene below as an example.
- Big Action scene: Nina drives a Jag out of an underground garage by the skin-of-her-teeth.
- This scene releases all the tension of the scenes that have come before.
- Where is she emotionally? Needs release from anger at Ryland, her boss.
- What conflict would allow those emotions to surface? She is angry at Ryland. Indebted. Unappreciated. Disrespected.
- What situation would show that she's angry, indebted, unappreciated, disrespected?  A scene where Nina conflicts with Ryland.  She wants independence. He wins the argument. She is steaming.

ex. "INT. UNDERGROUND ASSEMBLY PLANT

...She indicates an apparatus on the engine wall.

TECHNICIAN: Runs on hydrogen?

NINA: Runs on something. [Nina is smart, confident.]

Another Technician runs his hand along the car body.

SECOND TECHNICIAN: It's so light.

NINA: It's a composite of some kind, probably carbon fiber. [She knows what she's talking about.]

She moves to the rear of the car, checks the parachute holder.

NINA: It's got a parachute. It needs it.

She looks down into a notch in the rig - where QUINT stuffed the memory disk. Does she see something there?

RYLAND (O.S.): Interesting machine. What is it?

NINA's exploration is cut short. She looks up as RYLAND strolls over, LUIS right behind him. The Technicians and Mechanics show deference. NINA doesn't bother.

NINA: It's an interesting machine.

RYLAND takes it in.

RYLAND: And what am I supposed to do with it? [He dismisses her opinion.]

NINA: Nothing. It's mine. [She asserts independence.]

RYLAND: I see. You're making these decisions now. [He feels threatened.]

NINA: Just this once. [She backs down a little, knows owes him a debt.]

RYLAND: Oh. Good. For a moment there I thought you were after my job. [He makes a joke but still dominates.]

He smiles. LUIS laughs. Others laugh. RYLAND's eyes never leave NINA. She matches him stare for stare.

RYLAND: I understand there was a problem. [He's probing to test loyalty.]

NINA: What do you mean?

RYLAND doesn't reply. The silence is his reply. All eyes are on NINA now.

NINA: A guy tried to follow me. I lost him.

RYLAND: Did you?

NINA: Yes.

RYLAND: There was a man in the outer garage right after you got in. Coincidence? [He doesn't believe her. Is she helping Quint?]

NINA: I lost him.

RYLAND: So it was a coincidence.

NINA says nothing.

RYLAND:  A car like this attracts attention. Did you think about that? [He is unappreciative.]

NINA: I brought in half your goddamn order tonight.

RYLAND: I'm talking about this one! [He scolds her for independent thinking.]

He slams the hood of the Black Moon.

RYLAND: This is a business, Nina. We don't take "trophies." [He shames her.]

NINA: Fine, then do what you want with it. [She's mad.]

She's as angry as he is. She turns and stomps away across the plant floor. RYLAND calls after her.

RYLAND: I have your permission, do I? [He dominates with the last word.]

NINA stops, turns. If looks could kill.

RYLAND meets her look. The plant has gone silent, everyone watching, anticipating an explosion.

NINA turns away. This isn't the time or the place. She heads across the floor. Crisis averted.

RYLAND, the winner of the round, gives the Black Moon a gentle pat.

RYLAND: Quite a car.

...
INT. UNDERGROUND ASSEMBLY PLANT

NINA steers a sleek E-Type Jaguar across the busy plant floor toward the garage wall exit gate. She stops by a control box with a speaker and video camera attached. She looks into the camera.

NINA: Open the door, Richard.

No response. Then...

VOICE: One moment.

INT. RYLAND'S OFFICE - DAY

RYLAND is transferring numbers from his clicking Telex Machine into his computer. There's a buzz. He responds.

RYLAND: What?

NINA: Nina's leaving.

RYLAND instantly activates one of his monitors. The image of NINA in the Jag materializes.

RYLAND: Where are you going?

She shows her frustration.

NINA: Jesus Christ, out!

RYLAND: I want to see you. [He demands obedience.]

NINA: Later.

RYLAND: Now!

INT. PLANT

NINA speaks straight to the video camera, her voice quiet but intense.

NINA: No. [She defies him. Earlier, we saw why there's anger built up (setup). This is the payoff.]

She suddenly jams the car into reverse. The tires squeel. The Jag screeches backwards across the plant floor.

Started Mechanics and Technicians turn to see what's up.

INT. RYLAND'S OFFICE - DAY

He punches up a row of monitors trying to keep NINA in view. He picks her up as the car brakes sharply near the head of the assembly area.

RYLAND: What the hell are you doing?

INT. JAG

NINA throws the car into forward gear, steps on the accelerator. The car shoots ahead.

The audience reacts. She's heading all out for the wall.

INT. RYLAND'S OFFICE - DAY

RYLAND reacts.

RYLAND: Nina!  [He has personal feelings for Nina.]

INT. JAG

NINA's unwavering. He hands are clamped the wheel, her face is calm. The car rushes toward the wall.

RYLAND'S VOICE: NINA!!

INT. RYLAND'S OFFICE/PLANT/JAG

RYLAND reaches for the wall door switch, hesitates.
The gap narrows.
The crew looks on, breathless.
NINA'S not going to stop.
RYLAND stares at his monitors.
The Jag nears the wall
RYLAND throws the switch.
The wall door starts to rise.
NINA doesn't let up.
RYLAND watches, stunned by what's happening.
The Jag scrapes just under the rising door, clearing by inches.
NINA lets out a long held breath.
The Mechanics and Technicians burst out of their tense silence. Some applaud, some cheer, everyone's buzzing. [Relief.  All the emotions are released.]
RYLAND is trembling. Beads of sweat rim his forehead.
The wall door starts down again.

EXT. RYLAND TOWERS - DAY

The Jag roars out of the parking garage into the cul de sac.

INT. RYLAND'S OFFICE - DAY

LUIS comes in with a handful of business papers. RYLAND'S still shaking.

RYLAND: Get out! [He is mad that she won the war.]

Luis goes."

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The most effective Big Action scenes have a good amount of setup beforehand, both emotionally and plot wise.

Black Moon Rising (1986)(2nd draft, dated  12/19/84)
by John Carpenter and William Gray
Story by John Carpenter

TODAY'S NUGGET: Black Moon Rising (1986) - Part 1: Three Story Lines

[Quick Summary: Quint steals and stashes evidence in Black Moon, a prototype car which has been stolen, and must break into a chop shop fortress to retrieve it.]

TWO THOUGHTS:

1) 3 STORY LINES. In my list of the "most difficult writing skills,"* I put three separate story lines near the top.**

This script has three story lines that will intersect, which is a more common structure:

- Quint's story - He needs to find the Black Moon to retrieve the evidence.
- Nina's story - She's a car thief who has stolen Black Moon.
- Black Moon builders - They want their car back.

Everyone has a different motive, but everyone wants Black Moon, i.e., the point of intersection.  This puts them in direct conflict with each other.

Also, it keeps the tension keeps rising.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When story lines intersect, it is often over a common object or person.  This ensures that the characters continue to directly conflict.

Black Moon Rising (1986)(2nd draft, dated  12/19/84)
by John Carpenter and William Gray
Story by John Carpenter

*Also on the list: Rom-coms (for striking the right tone).

**Best Years of Our Lives (1946) is the only script that I've found so far that handled three separate story lines in a satisfying way.  Even there, I considered it 2 1/2 story lines because two stories crossed a little.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Escape from L.A. (1996) - Satire in an Action Film

[Quick Summary: After he is infected with a viral time bomb, Snake Plissken must retrieve a prototype from the prison island of L.A. in order to get the antidote, or die.]

Ah, the sequel.  How to do it right fifteen years after the original?

I'll be honest...It wouldn't have occurred to me to satirize the genre.* It's brilliant.

I think it's the reason that the over the top, crazy special effect scenes don't come off as "trying too hard."  It is not meant to be taken seriously and takes the pressure off.

And it's a lot of fun!

For example, the ridiculous tsunami vs. car chase mocks all car chases:

ex. "The water sweeps them up until they disappear under the blackness...

Until suddenly Pipeline pops up on top of the tsunami, riding on his surfboard, arms outstretched, feet braced.

And then Plissken pops up beside him, surfing clumsily on top of the tsunami wave, kneeling on his surfboard.

They blast down Wilshire Canyon at 80 miles an hour. Plissken is wobbly on the surfboard, but he manages to stay on top of the wave. Finally, he gets the hang of it, glances over at Pipeline who grins from ear to ear.

PIPLINE: Awesome, Snake, AWESOME, man!

Plissken looks up ahead...

HIS POV - MOVING THROUGH WILSHIRE CANYON

Five feet from street level. An old van speeds along what's left of Wilshire Boulevard, right on the canyon's edge. It veers around debris in the street, changes lanes suddenly, hell bent for leather.

Plissken and Pipeline move closer and closer to the van as the tsunami sweeps them along.

Now they move alongside the van, and Plissken stares over...

CLOSER - THE VAN

Behind the wheel is Map To The Stars Eddie, diving like a lunatic, his teeth bared and set, madder than shit.

Plissken's eye widens, burns.

PLISSKEN (to Pipeline): See you later.

And suddenly Plissken stands up, shifts his weight, and the surfboard slides sideways, across the surface of the tsunami all the way over to the edge, right next to the van.

MAP TO THE STARS EDDIE

glances to his left...

HIS POV - PLISSKEN

is surfacing the tsunami not 10 feet away from him.

Map To The Stars Eddie stares in absolute horror. Plissken tips the board again, and slides another 5 feet closer...

AS MAP TO THE STARS EDDIE

Jams on the pedal, and the van screams forward...

AS PLISSKEN

Stands up and leaps from the surfboard...

For a moment he is airborne, leaping across the gap to the van...and slams into the side of the van. He grabs on to the roof, hangs on with one hand, his body whipping against the rocking, bucking side. Map To The Stars Eddie starts swerving, trying to throw Plissken off."

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When ridiculing a car chase, still play it real.

In the scene above, Snake might be riding a tsunami, but he is still on a mission to find the prototype and Eddie is the key.

Escape from L.A. (1996)(undated draft)
by John Carpenter, Debra Hill, and Kurt Russell

*"...But “Escape From L.A.” has such manic energy, such a weird, cockeyed vision, that it may work on some moviegoers as satire and on others as the real thing."

TODAY'S NUGGET: Unfaithful (2002) - Putting 2+2 Together Through Behavior

[Quick Summary: A happily married wife slides into an affair with an intriguing rare book dealer, and her husband finds out.]

This is a "cheatin' story," in common parlance.

However, this script is anything but common. 

First, it is a drama that does not rely on formulas or the tropes of a thriller or sci-fi:

That's what's intriguing about the film: Instead of pumping up the plot with recycled manufactured thrills, it's content to contemplate two reasonably sane adults who get themselves into an almost insoluble dilemma. - Roger Ebert (my emphasis)

Second, the characters "tell" us everything through behavior rather than dialogue:

Connie Sumner's heart and other organs have their reasons for straying outside a happy marriage in "Unfaithful,'' but the movie doesn't say what they are. This is not necessarily a bad thing, sparing us tortured Freudian explanations and labored plot points. It is almost always more interesting to observe behavior than to listen to reasons.  - Roger Ebert (my emphasis)

 In the scene below, I liked how the writers let the audience put 2 +2 together.

We see Connie +We see the young couple in love = We add up that this is the way Connie longs to feel.

ex. "INT. PARTY STORE - SOHO - AFTERNOON

Connie glances up at the ramshackle bank of black-and-white surveillance monitors hanging haphazardly near the ceiling. In one of them, a YOUNG COUPLE can been seen trying on funny hats and clowning with each other. Even watching the fuzzy monitors, Connie senses an electricity between them.

Slowly, she begins moving through the aisles, half shopping and half seeking the Couple. She keeps peering at the monitors, seeing herself in one and the Couple in another.  They move to another aisle, disappear from view, reappear on a different monitor.

She turns a corner, and there they are, only now they're no longer clowning but kissing. Nothing else exists for them except each other.

Then they pull apart and begin SIGNING to each other tenderly. Connie realizes that they are deaf."

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: It's so rare to have a gripping story about characters dealing with reality w/o special effects, car chases, explosions, and/or robots.

I think it also gives the story a timeless feel to it.

Unfaithful (2002)(6/14/00 draft)
by Alvin Sargent, William Broyles, Jr., Stephen Schiff
Based on the film "La Femme Infidele" (1969), by Claude Chabrol

TODAY'S NUGGET: Nuts (1987) - "Likeable"; Note Behind the Note; Handling Unlikeable Characters

[Quick Summary: At a competency hearing, a public defender struggles to defend his new client, an ill-mannered psychiatric patient who is accused of manslaughter.]

Three Related Thoughts (especially for new writers):

1) "LIKEABLE" - There is a myth out there that a character must be likeable (whatever that means). I disagree.

I think the character needs to be understandable, whether or not you like him/her.

2) NOTE BEHIND THE NOTE. Writers are always looking for the most precise and concise words. We assume that everyone communicates that way too, right?

Actually, no.  Most people are often vague, verbally sloppy, and/or unaware.

A prime example is when an executive, director, actor, producer, etc. says, "But the character is not likeable..." What does that mean? They usually do not know.

Part of your job as a screenwriter is to: a) recognize when this is happening, and b) figure out what that person is really trying to convey (note behind the note). 

DO NOT automatically assume this character SHOULD be likeable.

DO pause, regroup, and ask questions. Is the character hard to relate to? Unclear what his/her motives are? What is the confusing part?

3) IRRITATING & UNPLEASANT.  How does one handle an unlikeable character?  Today's protagonist is a good example of how to do this well.

Claudia is a difficult, off-beat prostitute who is hospitalized. But is she really insane?

I liked how the writers did not excused her behavior, but kept her motives clear and slowly revealed secrets. We may not like her, but do start to understand her.

The scene below is her first real meeting with Levinsky, a public defender and her 2nd defense attorney (she bloodied the first one in court). 

ex. "INT. TINY CONFERENCE ROOM - NEW YORK COUNTY PRISON HOSPITAL

... LEVINSKY (he pulls a file from his briefcase): Well, what we've got here is a seven-thirty process, a process whereby...the patient does not understand the charge against him or her, and whereby a patient is incapable of assisting in his or her own defense.

CLAUDIA: You married?

LEVINSKY: What?

CLAUDIA: You got a missus?

LEVINSKY: Yes.

CLAUDIA: She give good head?

LEVINSKY: Look,, you want to talk about your situation, here? You've been indicted for manslaughter, first degree.

CLAUDIA: I know all that. Tell me why you're really here.

LEVINSKY: The truth?

CLAUDIA (getting worked up): No, Levinsky, the bullshit. I love listening to bullshit, especially when I'm drowning in it. I know why you're here. You're here to see for yourself if I'm crazy -- no, no, no, you're here to see just how crazy I am.

LEVINSKY: Two psychiatrists say you're incompetent.

CLAUDIA: Morrison and Arantes. Frick 'n Frack. Arantes can barely speak English and Morrison's a very weird guy. I flashed and he didn't even look. (she flashes now) How 'bout you, Levinsky, are you weird, too?

LEVINSKY: I must be okay, I'm looking.

She covers up and walks across the room.

LEVINSKY: Your mother said to tell you she loves you.

CLAUDIA: Fuck my mother! Why didn't you tell me you were working for them?

LEVINSKY: Look, lady, I came here to do my job in good faith. You can cooperate and maybe it goes your way. Or, you can yell at me and tomorrow I move to commit and that's the end of that.

CLAUDIA: You creep lawyers are all alike. As long as you get your fee you don't care who goes where for how long.

LEVINSKY: Hey, wait a minute. I don't take any money from you.

CLAUDIA: Now...this one comes in here, wearing the worst tie I've ever seen, and tells me that if I don't kiss ass he's going to walk out on me. Well, walk!

LEVINSKY: And, be held in contempt of court? No thank you. I'm stuck with you...."

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked how it was clear from the start what Claudia wanted, but her motives and secrets were only revealed little by little. It kept me engaged.  

Nuts (1987)(final draft, dated 10/15/86)
by Darryl Ponicsan and Alvin Sargent
Based on the play by Tom Topor

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Electric Horseman (1979) - Filled with Messages, But Not a "Message Movie"

[Quick Summary: A retired rodeo star-turned-breakfast-cereal-spokesman steals a maltreated $14M spokes-horse, and is pursued by a journalist looking for a story.]

Roger Ebert's review made me think:

...But although this is a movie filled with messages, it's not a message movie. (1) The characters and plot seem to tap-dance past the serious stuff (2) and concentrate on the human relationships. (3)

(1) I liked that this is a movie with a message (vs. message movie*).

(2) Ebert is right that it did "tap-dance past the serious stuff." However, I don't think every movie is meant to address/solve all the ills of the world.

(3) This was the light bulb moment for me.  The reason that the film works is because of the focus on the human relationships.

For example, how do we discuss treating animals right (without being preachy)?

Create conflict that is based on character (caring for animals vs. not caring). 

In the scene below, notice how Sonny is only one who is concerned about the horse.  Everyone else has a different priority - the show, employers, etc.

ex. "INT. "SHOWROOM" - ON STAGE - NIGHT

Only the work lights. The giant room is in blackness. Sonny half listens to DANNY MILES, the famous industrial show director. Eight showgirls stand on stage, bored.

DANNY: After the circle, you dismount. come down to your mark, stage right --

SONNY: --Where's the horse?

DANNY: Bring in the damn horse! [Even the language exposes how the horse is seen as a thing and not valued.]

Sonny stares into the darkened room. The horse is led on stage. A Wrangler maneuvers him to a mark.

DANNY (continuing): Spot, please!

A spotlight hits Rising Star. He gleams.

DANNY (continuing): God, he's a beauty. Look at him shine. [To him, horse = thing.]

CLOSE - SONNY

On his turf. He looks the horse over appraisingly, runs his hand down his shoulder, smells his hand.

SONNY: You'd shine, too, if you were covered with fly spray.

DANNY (to Wrangler): Now, Sonny rides in, circles three times -- applause, applause, applause -- then he dismounts on this mark. (to Sonny) Sonny, your first line is -- [He is not paying attention to Sonny.]

Sonny isn't listening. He walks around Rising Star, patting him, clucking. He listens to the horse's labored breathing.

SONNY: He's got shipping fever.

WRANGLER: Had the vet his afternoon.

SONNY: What you got him on?

WRANGLER: Penicillin.

A cynical look from Sonny.

WRANGLER (continuing): ...and a little Bute.

SONNY: For that tendon?

Wrangler nods.

SONNY (continuing): Should be bandaged.

WRANGLER: They think it don't look right...you know, for the public. [This conflict reveals that the wrangler knows what is best for the horse, yet he still compromises.]

SONNY: Muscled up pretty good, isn't he?

DANNY: Sonny, the first thing you do after you dismount is you say -- [Still not paying attention.]

SONNY: --your horse is stoned.

WRANGLER: How we gonna get him up in front of all these people...with lights...and cables, and... [He's bowed to pressure.]

DANNY: Excuse me, gentlemen! Sonny, your first line is --"

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: To avoid the "message movie" trap, keep focused on the relationships, and how the character's beliefs/desires/wants conflict with others.

The Electric Horseman (1979)(draft dated 8/30/78, by Alvin Sargent (uncredited))**
by Robert Garland
Screen story by Paul Gaer and Robert Garland
Story by Shelly Burton

*Message movies tend to be too preachy for me.  Actually, I wouldn't mind a little preaching, as long as it was entertaining, but it's a hard balance to find.

**As you may have noticed, I've been reading a string of Alvin Sargent scripts.  Here, I'm guessing that he was hired to do a rewrite polish, given the date on this script and having just written Bobby Deerfield for director Sidney Pollack.