[Quick Summary: In 1962, racist New Yorker Tony Lip becomes a bouncer for black concert pianist Dr. Don Shirley's tour of the South.]
TWO THINGS THIS SCRIPT DOES WELL:
1) Hope. I really enjoyed the hopeful tone of the script, especially in the ending.
2) Humor Out of Character. Director/co-writer Peter Farrelly said that the script is not terribly funny on the page.* He did not set out to write funny scenes.
Instead, the humor comes out of character.
What is "humor out of character"? I think it is more about behavior than jokes.
For example, a character's misunderstandings, contradictory actions, back tracking, etc. are funny because he/she don't see them, but the audience does. **
I like this scene below as an example of misunderstanding:
ex. "INT. DINER - DAY
....Lip goes back to his plate.
LIP (CONT'D): By the way, when you hired me, my wife went out bought one of your records -- 'one about the orphans.
DR. SHIRLEY: Orphans?
LIP: Yeah. Cover had a bunch of kids sitting around a campfire?
Shirley has to think a moment.
DR. SHIRLEY: Orpheus.
LIP: What?
DR. SHIRLEY: Orpheus in the Underworld. It's based on a French Opera. And those kids on the cover? They were demons in hell.
LIP: No shit? Must of been naughty kids."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I think humor coming from character is harder to write, but more universal. It seems to rely less on understanding language than behavior.
Green Book (2018)
by Nick Vallelonga & Brian Currie & Peter Farrelly
* Interestingly, he only started to see that it was really funny when the actors elevated it.
**Farrelly cites The Andy Griffith Show as a model of humor out of character. It is not a show built on jokes.
Monday, February 11, 2019
Monday, February 4, 2019
2018 OSCARS: First Reformed (2018) - Showing Grave Illness in Two Lines
[Quick Summary: An ill minister of a small congregation grapples with more despair after a parishioner commits suicide in upstate New York.]
This is the 4th Paul Schrader script that I've read so far (Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Obsession), but perhaps my least favorite.*
Enough about me. On to the good stuff...
WHAT THIS SCRIPT DOES WELL:
1) It is stripped down. This shows what can be done for $3M today (and investors can get their money back!)
2) It shows (not tells) grave illness. In the scene below, we see Toller in a normal, routine biological act... except for one thing.
Notice the power of only two sentences (especially the last two words):
ex. "INT. PARSONAGE BATHROOM - NIGHT
Propping one hand against the wall, Toller urinates into the toilet. His urine runs dark brown."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: How does the writer gets the reader to make the conclusion that Toller is ill? Use a universally understood behavior + unexpected result.
First Reformed (2018)
Written and directed by Paul Schrader
*For anyone who cares: I could stomach that this is a serious film about a serious circumstance, but it took me until p. 17 to get interested.
This is the 4th Paul Schrader script that I've read so far (Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Obsession), but perhaps my least favorite.*
Enough about me. On to the good stuff...
WHAT THIS SCRIPT DOES WELL:
1) It is stripped down. This shows what can be done for $3M today (and investors can get their money back!)
2) It shows (not tells) grave illness. In the scene below, we see Toller in a normal, routine biological act... except for one thing.
Notice the power of only two sentences (especially the last two words):
ex. "INT. PARSONAGE BATHROOM - NIGHT
Propping one hand against the wall, Toller urinates into the toilet. His urine runs dark brown."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: How does the writer gets the reader to make the conclusion that Toller is ill? Use a universally understood behavior + unexpected result.
First Reformed (2018)
Written and directed by Paul Schrader
*For anyone who cares: I could stomach that this is a serious film about a serious circumstance, but it took me until p. 17 to get interested.
Monday, January 28, 2019
2019 OSCARS: The Favourite (2018) - Thought Provoking Ending; Subtext of Manipulation
[Quick Summary: Lady Sarah Marlborough, the Queen's trusted confidante, and Abigail, a new social climber, make pawns of Queen Anne and England.]
For this year's 10 Oscars scripts, I've decided to pick out two things that I think that each script does well.
WHAT THIS SCRIPT DOES WELL:
1) The ending left me thinking. I do not think every ending has to be happy.
However, they should be satisfying and predictable.*
This script adds the extra layer of "thought provoking," which is a special bonus.
After a full script of manipulating and being manipulated, a major character gets a well timed "aha!" moment that comes too late.
"Is that all manipulation brings?!" I wondered. Great food for thought.
2) The subtext of manipulation.
Every character in this script is a manipulator.
The best ones make their point without saying so (subtext). This allows the audience the pleasure of putting 2 + 2 together.
For example, in the scene below, note:
- Harley's words do not match his actions.
- The symbolism of the wren = Abigail
ex. "EXT PALACE LAWNS/ EG NIGHT
HARLEY: ....I need a friend Abigail, one with cute ears and wide eyes. I am often blind-sided by the distorted situation at court. As Leader of the Opposition I should not be. I would merely like to know of any plans her Ladyship, Godolphin or the Queen may have.
ABIGAIL: I will not betray my mistress's trust.
HARLEY: Oh look a wren. How cute.
She looks to the trees. Harley trips her and she goes face first into the stony path.
HARLEY (CONT'D): Are you alright? Let me help you up.
He reaches down. She warily reaches out a hand and he pulls her up a little.
HARLEY (CONT'D): Thing is if you're not my friend. You are..
Then suddenly lets her go, she falls back down.
HARLEY (CONT'D): ...by definition my enemy. Anyway, think on it. No pressure.
Harley stalks off. Abigail sees the little wren, lying dead on the ground beside the path."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked that the writers had something to say and they delivered it cleanly.
The Favourite (2019)(final draft, 3/23/17)
by Deborah Davis and Tony McNamara
* By "predictable," I do not mean dull or trite. I do mean "logical, foreseeable, and/or the payoff to a previous setup."
For this year's 10 Oscars scripts, I've decided to pick out two things that I think that each script does well.
WHAT THIS SCRIPT DOES WELL:
1) The ending left me thinking. I do not think every ending has to be happy.
However, they should be satisfying and predictable.*
This script adds the extra layer of "thought provoking," which is a special bonus.
After a full script of manipulating and being manipulated, a major character gets a well timed "aha!" moment that comes too late.
"Is that all manipulation brings?!" I wondered. Great food for thought.
2) The subtext of manipulation.
Every character in this script is a manipulator.
The best ones make their point without saying so (subtext). This allows the audience the pleasure of putting 2 + 2 together.
For example, in the scene below, note:
- Harley's words do not match his actions.
- The symbolism of the wren = Abigail
ex. "EXT PALACE LAWNS/ EG NIGHT
HARLEY: ....I need a friend Abigail, one with cute ears and wide eyes. I am often blind-sided by the distorted situation at court. As Leader of the Opposition I should not be. I would merely like to know of any plans her Ladyship, Godolphin or the Queen may have.
ABIGAIL: I will not betray my mistress's trust.
HARLEY: Oh look a wren. How cute.
She looks to the trees. Harley trips her and she goes face first into the stony path.
HARLEY (CONT'D): Are you alright? Let me help you up.
He reaches down. She warily reaches out a hand and he pulls her up a little.
HARLEY (CONT'D): Thing is if you're not my friend. You are..
Then suddenly lets her go, she falls back down.
HARLEY (CONT'D): ...by definition my enemy. Anyway, think on it. No pressure.
Harley stalks off. Abigail sees the little wren, lying dead on the ground beside the path."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I liked that the writers had something to say and they delivered it cleanly.
The Favourite (2019)(final draft, 3/23/17)
by Deborah Davis and Tony McNamara
* By "predictable," I do not mean dull or trite. I do mean "logical, foreseeable, and/or the payoff to a previous setup."
Monday, January 21, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: California Suite (1978) - Setting Up a Screwball Comedy in the 1st Two Pages
[Quick Summary: Parallel stories of five couples arriving at the Beverly Hills Hotel.]
This was the best FIRST TWO PAGES that I've enjoyed in a very long time.
The script sets us up for a good screwball comedy because its structure lends itself to great conflict:
1) The characters are opposites, and
2) Diana does the unexpected thing.
ex. "INT. PLANE
At the controls is an hysterical YOUNG MAN. He is screaming at the top of his lungs. Next to him, looking cool and radiant, is DIANA BARRIE, quite English and quite collected. In fact, she is powdering her nose. [Afraid vs. calm]
YOUNG MAN (screaming): ...Where's the airport?... There's no airport!! Look for an airport. [Afraid]
DIANA (coolly): Oh, don't make such a fuss. Just put it down among the cacti. [Calm. It is not the expected response.]
YOUNG MAN (shouting, barely able to control it): What do you mean, just put it down? I'm lucky I can keep it up. I told you I never flew before. [Panicking]
DIANA: Don't shout at me. I'm a first class passenger. [Offended. Leads us to believe that she knows little about planes.]
YOUNG MAN: You're a first class Lunatic!...It's all over, Wendy. Our relationship has about a quarter of a gallon to go. [Funny line about relationships.]
DIANA: Yes, but you do love me, Harold? I know it's an awkward time to bring it up, but I must know...for our future. [An important question at an inappropriate time.]
EXT. PLANE
The plane suddenly goes into a dive. Harold SCREAMS. [Afraid still]
POV OF EARTH SPINNING
HAROLD (O.S.): If you like short romances, yes... I love you!!! [No longer emotionally afraid]
EXT. PLANE
suddenly the plane pulls out of its dive.
INT. PLANE (PROCESS)
Diana is handling the controls...
DIANA: I'm so glad. Unrequited love is such a bore. [She pulls a rabbit out of a hat and confounds our expectations.]
He looks at her in utter amazement.
HAROLD: You -- you can fly?
DIANA: Well, it's not all that difficult. It's like making love...You just have to know what to touch! [She gets the punch line too.]
She lowers her lids and smiles at him and banks the plane.
EXT. PLANE - CREDITS
The plane banks into the horizon and flies off...into the sunset.
INT. 747 CABIN
We PULL BACK AND DISCOVER we have just been watching a film on the screen in the cabin of a superjet... The credits of the film we just saw start to come up as the window shades are raised in the cabin and the bright California sunlight shoots through. We SEE the final starring credits...James Coburn and Diana Barrie starred." [Another surprise: This was all a movie.]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Since screwball comedy leans heavily on conflict, it is important to choose the right one, preferably one that cannot be resolved too quickly.
California Suite (1978)(final draft, revisions (Mar., 1978))
by Neil Simon
Adapted from his play
This was the best FIRST TWO PAGES that I've enjoyed in a very long time.
The script sets us up for a good screwball comedy because its structure lends itself to great conflict:
1) The characters are opposites, and
2) Diana does the unexpected thing.
ex. "INT. PLANE
At the controls is an hysterical YOUNG MAN. He is screaming at the top of his lungs. Next to him, looking cool and radiant, is DIANA BARRIE, quite English and quite collected. In fact, she is powdering her nose. [Afraid vs. calm]
YOUNG MAN (screaming): ...Where's the airport?... There's no airport!! Look for an airport. [Afraid]
DIANA (coolly): Oh, don't make such a fuss. Just put it down among the cacti. [Calm. It is not the expected response.]
YOUNG MAN (shouting, barely able to control it): What do you mean, just put it down? I'm lucky I can keep it up. I told you I never flew before. [Panicking]
DIANA: Don't shout at me. I'm a first class passenger. [Offended. Leads us to believe that she knows little about planes.]
YOUNG MAN: You're a first class Lunatic!...It's all over, Wendy. Our relationship has about a quarter of a gallon to go. [Funny line about relationships.]
DIANA: Yes, but you do love me, Harold? I know it's an awkward time to bring it up, but I must know...for our future. [An important question at an inappropriate time.]
EXT. PLANE
The plane suddenly goes into a dive. Harold SCREAMS. [Afraid still]
POV OF EARTH SPINNING
HAROLD (O.S.): If you like short romances, yes... I love you!!! [No longer emotionally afraid]
EXT. PLANE
suddenly the plane pulls out of its dive.
INT. PLANE (PROCESS)
Diana is handling the controls...
DIANA: I'm so glad. Unrequited love is such a bore. [She pulls a rabbit out of a hat and confounds our expectations.]
He looks at her in utter amazement.
HAROLD: You -- you can fly?
DIANA: Well, it's not all that difficult. It's like making love...You just have to know what to touch! [She gets the punch line too.]
She lowers her lids and smiles at him and banks the plane.
EXT. PLANE - CREDITS
The plane banks into the horizon and flies off...into the sunset.
INT. 747 CABIN
We PULL BACK AND DISCOVER we have just been watching a film on the screen in the cabin of a superjet... The credits of the film we just saw start to come up as the window shades are raised in the cabin and the bright California sunlight shoots through. We SEE the final starring credits...James Coburn and Diana Barrie starred." [Another surprise: This was all a movie.]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Since screwball comedy leans heavily on conflict, it is important to choose the right one, preferably one that cannot be resolved too quickly.
California Suite (1978)(final draft, revisions (Mar., 1978))
by Neil Simon
Adapted from his play
Monday, January 14, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Goodbye Girl (1977) - The Two Step Wrap Up in Act 3
[Quick Summary: When her boyfriend sublets their apartment without a word, a dancer and her daughter are forced to live with the sublessor, an eccentric actor.]
*****NOTE: SPOILERS AHEAD*****************
When the protagonist has a flaw in Act 1, he/she usually faces it in Act 3 --> Then the story wraps up on an up or down note.
This script is a comedy (maybe a rom-com?), and I expected it to end on an up note.
The protagonist does face her flaw in Act 3, but it was on a bittersweet note.
I still felt left in the lurch, and wondered, "Is this how it's going to end? She essentially says, 'I love you,' but we never know what he says. Does he ever say it back?!"
To my relief, there was a TWO STEP wrap up instead of the more typical one step.
A little background:
- Paula has been been dumped hard by two other actors who have left her for paying work elsewhere.
- She fears that anyone that she falls for will leave her.
- Elliot moves in. They fight, then fall in love
- In Act 3, Elliot gets an acting job in Seattle.
STEP 1: Paula faces her fear of being left. This is her "I love you."
ex. "INT. BEDROOM
...ELLIOT (controlling himself): Okay...Okay, I get the point...Forget it. I'm not going. It's not worth it. Not if I have to put you through four weeks of hell wondering whether I'm coming back or not...If I got this picture, I can get another one...I'm not going, okay?
PAULA: Okay.
ELLIOT: The hell I'm not. That's crazy! Why should I do a dumb stupid thing because you don't trust me? I'm going. You're just gonna have to trust me...Are you gonna trust me, Paula?
PAULA: I'll plan my days around it.
ELLIOT: Dammit!!...Dammit-to-hell!!...I hate those two guys who walked out of here. I'm the only one who's coming back and I'm getting all the blame.
PAULA: No...You go, Elliot...I want you to go...If you come back, fine. I'll be right here putting up my wallpaper. And if not, that's okay too...I'll miss you but I'll survive, Elliot, because I've grown up these last two months. Look at me. I'm all grown up. It was better than spending a summer at camp. I have never felt better or stronger in my life. Somebody is actually walking out that door and I'm not crumbling into a million pieces...Oh, Jesus, it feels good...Goodbye, Elliot. make a nice move...Have a wonderful career and if you're ever up for an Academy Award, I swear to God I'll keep my fingers crossed for you...."
STEP 2: Elliot does return that same night. This is his "I love you" back.
ex. "THE PHONE BOOTH ON THE CORNER - NIGHT
It is the same one Elliot originally called from. He is very wet. A cab is waiting on the curb.
ELLIOT: Get dressed.
PAULA: What?
(THE PHONE SEQUENCES SHOULD BE INTERCUT AS DESIRED)
ELLIOT: Get dressed, you're coming with me.
PAULA: Where are you?
ELLIOT: On the corner, in my old leaky phone booth...The plane has engine trouble. We're delayed two hours. I cashed in first class for two economy's....
PAULA: I thought you said I couldn't come with you.
ELLIOT: I'll tell them you're my analyst. Actors are known to be very high strung.
PAULA: And you really want me to come?
ELLIOT: Jesus God, you sure love a love scene, don't you? Yes. YES! I want you to com!
PAULA (teary): ...Then it's okay. I don't have to...Just as long as you asked.
ELLIOT: Paula, don't play games with me. My socks are under water."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When the protagonist gets over her fear and does say "I love you," make sure there is a response from the other side, even if it takes 2 steps.
Otherwise, I'm left hanging because the emotional cycle is incomplete.
Goodbye Girl (1977)(rev. dated 12/15/76)
by Neil Simon
*****NOTE: SPOILERS AHEAD*****************
When the protagonist has a flaw in Act 1, he/she usually faces it in Act 3 --> Then the story wraps up on an up or down note.
This script is a comedy (maybe a rom-com?), and I expected it to end on an up note.
The protagonist does face her flaw in Act 3, but it was on a bittersweet note.
I still felt left in the lurch, and wondered, "Is this how it's going to end? She essentially says, 'I love you,' but we never know what he says. Does he ever say it back?!"
To my relief, there was a TWO STEP wrap up instead of the more typical one step.
A little background:
- Paula has been been dumped hard by two other actors who have left her for paying work elsewhere.
- She fears that anyone that she falls for will leave her.
- Elliot moves in. They fight, then fall in love
- In Act 3, Elliot gets an acting job in Seattle.
STEP 1: Paula faces her fear of being left. This is her "I love you."
ex. "INT. BEDROOM
...ELLIOT (controlling himself): Okay...Okay, I get the point...Forget it. I'm not going. It's not worth it. Not if I have to put you through four weeks of hell wondering whether I'm coming back or not...If I got this picture, I can get another one...I'm not going, okay?
PAULA: Okay.
ELLIOT: The hell I'm not. That's crazy! Why should I do a dumb stupid thing because you don't trust me? I'm going. You're just gonna have to trust me...Are you gonna trust me, Paula?
PAULA: I'll plan my days around it.
ELLIOT: Dammit!!...Dammit-to-hell!!...I hate those two guys who walked out of here. I'm the only one who's coming back and I'm getting all the blame.
PAULA: No...You go, Elliot...I want you to go...If you come back, fine. I'll be right here putting up my wallpaper. And if not, that's okay too...I'll miss you but I'll survive, Elliot, because I've grown up these last two months. Look at me. I'm all grown up. It was better than spending a summer at camp. I have never felt better or stronger in my life. Somebody is actually walking out that door and I'm not crumbling into a million pieces...Oh, Jesus, it feels good...Goodbye, Elliot. make a nice move...Have a wonderful career and if you're ever up for an Academy Award, I swear to God I'll keep my fingers crossed for you...."
STEP 2: Elliot does return that same night. This is his "I love you" back.
ex. "THE PHONE BOOTH ON THE CORNER - NIGHT
It is the same one Elliot originally called from. He is very wet. A cab is waiting on the curb.
ELLIOT: Get dressed.
PAULA: What?
(THE PHONE SEQUENCES SHOULD BE INTERCUT AS DESIRED)
ELLIOT: Get dressed, you're coming with me.
PAULA: Where are you?
ELLIOT: On the corner, in my old leaky phone booth...The plane has engine trouble. We're delayed two hours. I cashed in first class for two economy's....
PAULA: I thought you said I couldn't come with you.
ELLIOT: I'll tell them you're my analyst. Actors are known to be very high strung.
PAULA: And you really want me to come?
ELLIOT: Jesus God, you sure love a love scene, don't you? Yes. YES! I want you to com!
PAULA (teary): ...Then it's okay. I don't have to...Just as long as you asked.
ELLIOT: Paula, don't play games with me. My socks are under water."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: When the protagonist gets over her fear and does say "I love you," make sure there is a response from the other side, even if it takes 2 steps.
Otherwise, I'm left hanging because the emotional cycle is incomplete.
Goodbye Girl (1977)(rev. dated 12/15/76)
by Neil Simon
Monday, January 7, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Career Opportunities (1991) - Showing Vulnerability & Attraction
[Quick Summary: On his first night as the night janitor, a lonely slacker runs amok in the store until he runs into a stowaway and two bumbling thieves.]
TWO THOUGHTS ON VULNERABILITY:
1) TEENS = VULNERABLE YEARS.
I think the hallmark of a John Hughes script is its honest emotional vulnerability.
So it is not surprising that he often places his characters in the teen years, a time when confusion reigns and no one has a protective shell yet.
2) ROMANCE = FEELS SO RISKY
Hughes' romantic, "I like you" scenes really get to me.
Some might say it's because of the sexy energy swirling about, but it is not enough.
Look closer. The awkward, floundering about how one feels is what hits home.
Note:
- Jim had a one-sided high school crush on the unattainable, poor little rich girl Josie.
- They are now 20 y.o., and are trapped together in a K-mart store overnight.
- She was going to call her dad to come get her.
- Notice how he is attracted, but floundering to deal with it.
- Notice how she knows he is attracted, and doesn't know how to deal with his emotions either.
ex. "CU. JOSIE
She's sitting on a makeup stool, looking at herself in a counter mirror. Jim approaches from behind. She's waiting for him. She knows he's coming.
INT. STORE
Jim walks up to the cosmetics counter.
JIM: I guess you didn't call.
Josie shakes her head, no.
JIM: It's none of my business, but I think you're fighting something.
JOSIE: Yeah?
JIM: Yeah. Part of me is pissed off that you're involving me and part of me feels for you.
JOSIE: I know what part feels for me.
Jim resents the remark.
JIM: Why don't you go home?
JOSIE: If I'm bothering you why don't you ignore me?
JIM: Ignore you? Do you know what you make me feel like?
JOSIE: I can't imagine.
JIM: You make me feel filthy.
JOSIE: It's not intentional.
JIM:You know how many hours we spent together in school? No more than five or six feet apart? I know you saw me. I know that somewhere in your memory is a picture of a scrawny little asshole with a home kitchen haircut drooling on his desk looking at you.
Josie holds up a perfume mister. She points it at him and gives a little squirt. He leans back from the mist.
JIM: Thanks.
JOSIE: You like it?
JIM: No.
JOSIE: You like perfume?
JIM (anxious to get back to his original topic): Not personally?
JOSIE: You think it's wrong for a woman to mask her natural scent with something from Revlon?
JIM: I haven't thought about it.
JOSIE: If I was sweating, would you touch me?
JIM (after a pause): I'd touch you if you were covered with spiders.
JOSIE: So, why are you insulting me?
JIM: I didn't think I was.
JOSIE: You were just telling the truth?
JIM: As far as I could see it.
Josie turns away. Looks at herself in the mirror."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Romance requires vulnerability, which in turn requires a lot of risk, which often appears awkward, stupid and/or exposing. But that is real.
Career Opportunities (1991)(draft dated 6/28/89)
by John Hughes
TWO THOUGHTS ON VULNERABILITY:
1) TEENS = VULNERABLE YEARS.
I think the hallmark of a John Hughes script is its honest emotional vulnerability.
So it is not surprising that he often places his characters in the teen years, a time when confusion reigns and no one has a protective shell yet.
2) ROMANCE = FEELS SO RISKY
Hughes' romantic, "I like you" scenes really get to me.
Some might say it's because of the sexy energy swirling about, but it is not enough.
Look closer. The awkward, floundering about how one feels is what hits home.
Note:
- Jim had a one-sided high school crush on the unattainable, poor little rich girl Josie.
- They are now 20 y.o., and are trapped together in a K-mart store overnight.
- She was going to call her dad to come get her.
- Notice how he is attracted, but floundering to deal with it.
- Notice how she knows he is attracted, and doesn't know how to deal with his emotions either.
ex. "CU. JOSIE
She's sitting on a makeup stool, looking at herself in a counter mirror. Jim approaches from behind. She's waiting for him. She knows he's coming.
INT. STORE
Jim walks up to the cosmetics counter.
JIM: I guess you didn't call.
Josie shakes her head, no.
JIM: It's none of my business, but I think you're fighting something.
JOSIE: Yeah?
JIM: Yeah. Part of me is pissed off that you're involving me and part of me feels for you.
JOSIE: I know what part feels for me.
Jim resents the remark.
JIM: Why don't you go home?
JOSIE: If I'm bothering you why don't you ignore me?
JIM: Ignore you? Do you know what you make me feel like?
JOSIE: I can't imagine.
JIM: You make me feel filthy.
JOSIE: It's not intentional.
JIM:You know how many hours we spent together in school? No more than five or six feet apart? I know you saw me. I know that somewhere in your memory is a picture of a scrawny little asshole with a home kitchen haircut drooling on his desk looking at you.
Josie holds up a perfume mister. She points it at him and gives a little squirt. He leans back from the mist.
JIM: Thanks.
JOSIE: You like it?
JIM: No.
JOSIE: You like perfume?
JIM (anxious to get back to his original topic): Not personally?
JOSIE: You think it's wrong for a woman to mask her natural scent with something from Revlon?
JIM: I haven't thought about it.
JOSIE: If I was sweating, would you touch me?
JIM (after a pause): I'd touch you if you were covered with spiders.
JOSIE: So, why are you insulting me?
JIM: I didn't think I was.
JOSIE: You were just telling the truth?
JIM: As far as I could see it.
Josie turns away. Looks at herself in the mirror."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Romance requires vulnerability, which in turn requires a lot of risk, which often appears awkward, stupid and/or exposing. But that is real.
Career Opportunities (1991)(draft dated 6/28/89)
by John Hughes
Monday, December 31, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: Hanging Up (2000) - The Responsible Child, All in One Scene
[Quick Summary: As three sisters juggle how to care for their dying father, old resentments and memories resurface.]
This script was ok, but not my favorite.
However, I did like the scene below. It shows us that Eve is already the responsible, steady, middle child at age 16, all in one scene:
ex. "INT. LIVING ROOM - WESTWOOD HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Lou, his back to her, is pouring Scotch.
He turns and looks at his daughter. A sheepish smile.
LOU: Hey. I'm all you've got.
He sinks down on the couch, glass in hand and, while still sitting up, passes out.
HOLD ON THE ROOM a beat...
Eve looks at him. She walks over and takes the glass out of his hand and puts it on the table.
She picks up his feet and moves them onto the couch. He is now half-sitting, half-lying, in a very awkward position.
A beat while Eve evaluates whether she has doe all she can. Then, slowly and quietly, she backs out of the room.
ROLL CREDITS
END CREDITS"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I could tell a lot about who Eve was and her maturity level, from her actions in just one scene.
Hanging Up (2000)(draft dated 4/29/97)
by Nora Ephron and Delia Ephron
Based on the novel by Delia Ephron
This script was ok, but not my favorite.
However, I did like the scene below. It shows us that Eve is already the responsible, steady, middle child at age 16, all in one scene:
ex. "INT. LIVING ROOM - WESTWOOD HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Lou, his back to her, is pouring Scotch.
He turns and looks at his daughter. A sheepish smile.
LOU: Hey. I'm all you've got.
He sinks down on the couch, glass in hand and, while still sitting up, passes out.
HOLD ON THE ROOM a beat...
Eve looks at him. She walks over and takes the glass out of his hand and puts it on the table.
She picks up his feet and moves them onto the couch. He is now half-sitting, half-lying, in a very awkward position.
A beat while Eve evaluates whether she has doe all she can. Then, slowly and quietly, she backs out of the room.
ROLL CREDITS
END CREDITS"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I could tell a lot about who Eve was and her maturity level, from her actions in just one scene.
Hanging Up (2000)(draft dated 4/29/97)
by Nora Ephron and Delia Ephron
Based on the novel by Delia Ephron
Sunday, December 23, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: Altered States (1980) - Dialogue + Rhythm = Building to a Specific Emotion
[Quick Summary: In his search for the Ultimate Truth, a scientist becomes obsessed with a little known drug that brings his altered state of consciousness into reality.]
I had difficulty getting my mind around this script. The story is odd:
- The ambivalent scientist agrees to marry another scientist, who loves him.
- She accepts that he's not sure what love is. He says it's the only way to keep her.
- Seven years and two kids later, they divorce.
- She still loves him, but he sees his life as a sham.
- He leaves her and the kids to search for Self.
- He finds a Mexican hallucinogen that regresses his mind.
- He travels through time and space to his past human origins.
- He takes the hallucinogen home for research and unleashes results so scary that his colleagues and ex-wife try to intervene.
However, my interest in these characters did not diminish despite other distractions.*
Why? I think it's because Paddy Chayefsky knew how to wield words to build clear emotions. In the scene below, he used dialogue + rhythm = feels like bursting out.
A few suggestions as you read:
- Don't be afraid of the length and dense black print.
- Try skimming for content. Focus on HOW he says the words, not WHAT.
- Notice that each paragraph is actually one thought.
- Notice the rhythm is fast, unfettered.
- Each thought (one per paragraph) are verbose BIG ideas + Fast rhythm = Three Big Ideas squashed together in a small space makes it feel like an explosion.
Prior to the scene below:
- Jessup, the protagonist, has just announced to his friend Rosenberg that he is divorcing Emily.
- Jessup then suggests all his friends go to dinner with him and Emily.
ex. "INT. DOM'S RESTAURANT
...If we can make anything out of all this esoteric jabber, it will be Jessup's discourse to Sylvia Rosenberg, sitting at his right. Jessup, who is having a lot more wine than he usually does, is loaded and talking loudly -
JESSUP (to Sylvia Rosenberg): -- As a matter of act, the year I spent in India was disappointing. No matter how you slice it, yoga is still a state-specific technology operating in the service of a n a priori belief system, not much different from other trance-inducing techniques. Of course, the breathing exercises are effective as hell. The breathing becomes an entity in itself, an actual state of consciousness in its own right, so that your body breathing becomes the embodiment of your breath. But it's still a renunciatory technique to achieve a predetermined trance state, what the zen people call an isness, a very pure narcissism, Freud's oceanic feeling. What dignifies the yogic practices is that the belief system itself is not truly religious. There is no Buddhist god per se. It is the Self, the individual Mind, that contains immortality and ultimate truth -
EMILY (interrupting her own colloquy to shout from her end of the table): What the hell's not religious about that? You've simply replaced God with the Original Self!
JESSUP (shouts back): Yes, but we've localized it! At least, we know where the Self is! It's in our own minds! (he stands, not too sturdily) It's a form of human energy! Our atoms are six billion years old! We've got six billion years of memory in our minds! Hell, our hydrogen atoms are even older! (he has begun to weave a bit in and out of his place at the table) Memory is energy! It doesn't disappear! It's still in there! (he wheels to Rosenberg, ignoring the nervous interest he is causing at neighboring tables) There's a physiological pathway to our earlier consciousnesses! There has to be! And I'm telling you it's in the goddamned limbic system! -
PARRISH (roaring happily): Jessup, you are a whacko!
JESSUP: What's whacko about it, Mason? I'm a man in search of his true self. How archtypically American can you get? Everybody's looking for their true selves. We're all trying to fulfill ourselves, understand ourselves, get in touch with ourselves, face the reality of ourselves, explore ourselves, expand ourselves. Ever since we dispensed with God, we've got nothing but ourselves to explain this meaningless horror of life. Well, I think that true self, the original self, that first self is a real, mensurate, quantifiable thing, tangible and incarnate, and I'm going to find the fucker -"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was impressed that Jessup's emotional life was so strong that I stayed interested, despite the copious scientific gobblety-gook.
Altered States (1980)(undated 1978 draft)
by Paddy Chayefsky
Based on his novel.
* ex. Length (141 pgs.), dense narrative, long scientific exposition, etc.
I had difficulty getting my mind around this script. The story is odd:
- The ambivalent scientist agrees to marry another scientist, who loves him.
- She accepts that he's not sure what love is. He says it's the only way to keep her.
- Seven years and two kids later, they divorce.
- She still loves him, but he sees his life as a sham.
- He leaves her and the kids to search for Self.
- He finds a Mexican hallucinogen that regresses his mind.
- He travels through time and space to his past human origins.
- He takes the hallucinogen home for research and unleashes results so scary that his colleagues and ex-wife try to intervene.
However, my interest in these characters did not diminish despite other distractions.*
Why? I think it's because Paddy Chayefsky knew how to wield words to build clear emotions. In the scene below, he used dialogue + rhythm = feels like bursting out.
A few suggestions as you read:
- Don't be afraid of the length and dense black print.
- Try skimming for content. Focus on HOW he says the words, not WHAT.
- Notice that each paragraph is actually one thought.
- Notice the rhythm is fast, unfettered.
- Each thought (one per paragraph) are verbose BIG ideas + Fast rhythm = Three Big Ideas squashed together in a small space makes it feel like an explosion.
Prior to the scene below:
- Jessup, the protagonist, has just announced to his friend Rosenberg that he is divorcing Emily.
- Jessup then suggests all his friends go to dinner with him and Emily.
ex. "INT. DOM'S RESTAURANT
...If we can make anything out of all this esoteric jabber, it will be Jessup's discourse to Sylvia Rosenberg, sitting at his right. Jessup, who is having a lot more wine than he usually does, is loaded and talking loudly -
JESSUP (to Sylvia Rosenberg): -- As a matter of act, the year I spent in India was disappointing. No matter how you slice it, yoga is still a state-specific technology operating in the service of a n a priori belief system, not much different from other trance-inducing techniques. Of course, the breathing exercises are effective as hell. The breathing becomes an entity in itself, an actual state of consciousness in its own right, so that your body breathing becomes the embodiment of your breath. But it's still a renunciatory technique to achieve a predetermined trance state, what the zen people call an isness, a very pure narcissism, Freud's oceanic feeling. What dignifies the yogic practices is that the belief system itself is not truly religious. There is no Buddhist god per se. It is the Self, the individual Mind, that contains immortality and ultimate truth -
EMILY (interrupting her own colloquy to shout from her end of the table): What the hell's not religious about that? You've simply replaced God with the Original Self!
JESSUP (shouts back): Yes, but we've localized it! At least, we know where the Self is! It's in our own minds! (he stands, not too sturdily) It's a form of human energy! Our atoms are six billion years old! We've got six billion years of memory in our minds! Hell, our hydrogen atoms are even older! (he has begun to weave a bit in and out of his place at the table) Memory is energy! It doesn't disappear! It's still in there! (he wheels to Rosenberg, ignoring the nervous interest he is causing at neighboring tables) There's a physiological pathway to our earlier consciousnesses! There has to be! And I'm telling you it's in the goddamned limbic system! -
PARRISH (roaring happily): Jessup, you are a whacko!
JESSUP: What's whacko about it, Mason? I'm a man in search of his true self. How archtypically American can you get? Everybody's looking for their true selves. We're all trying to fulfill ourselves, understand ourselves, get in touch with ourselves, face the reality of ourselves, explore ourselves, expand ourselves. Ever since we dispensed with God, we've got nothing but ourselves to explain this meaningless horror of life. Well, I think that true self, the original self, that first self is a real, mensurate, quantifiable thing, tangible and incarnate, and I'm going to find the fucker -"
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was impressed that Jessup's emotional life was so strong that I stayed interested, despite the copious scientific gobblety-gook.
Altered States (1980)(undated 1978 draft)
by Paddy Chayefsky
Based on his novel.
* ex. Length (141 pgs.), dense narrative, long scientific exposition, etc.
Monday, December 17, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: Rainmaker (1997) - How to Show a Character Revealing Knowledge
[Quick Summary: While studying to take the bar exam, Rudy takes on a case of a dying leukemia patient whose insurance company refused to pay for treatment.]
What is the most interesting way to show a character revealing knowledge, especially when he/she knows something that the audience does not?
I found a few clues in this script:
1) The character does not need to explain everything. It leaves some mystery!
2) Allow for the audience to make the leap of logic (but don't require huge leaps of logic that no one can follow).
Notice below:
1) In the first scene, Rudy has an idea who is wiretapping his phone, but he does not tell us. Instead, there is a cut to a conversation with Rudy and Deck.
2) This leap is easy to follow: Rudy thinks he knows who the wiretapper is --> Rudy and Deck lay a trap for the wiretapper.
ex. INT. CLUB AMBER - DAY
Rudy, Deck and Butch are seated in a corner booth, having drinks and looking at the performers.
BUTCH: The bugging device is manufactured in Czechoslovakia, medium grade in quality, and feeds a transmitter located somewhere close by. It wasn't planted by cops or feds.
DECK: Someone else is listening.
Rudy is stunned.
BUTCH: Who else would it be?
RUDY: I've got an idea. Go to a pay phone...
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. PAY PHONE - DAY
Deck is at an outdoor pay phone.
DECK (on phone): Just checking in. you need anything from downtown?
INT. RUDY'S OFFICE - DAY
Rudy is on the phone, talking to Deck. He's sewing a button on his jacket.
RUDY: Nah. Oh, guess who wants to settle now?
DECK (O.S.): Who?
RUDY: Dot Black.
DECK (O.S.)(incredulous and phony): Dot Black?
RUDY: Yeah, I stopped by this morning to check on her, took her a fruitcake. She said she just doesn't have the willpower to suffer through the trial, wants to settle right now.
DECK (O.S.): How much?
RUDY: Said she'd take a hundred and seventy five...
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This is a much more creative way of showing what Rudy knows ("I think I know who it is" ---> lay trap) rather than boring exposition.
Rainmaker (1997)(1st draft, dated 7/11/96)
by Francis Ford Coppola
Adapted from the novel by John Grisham
What is the most interesting way to show a character revealing knowledge, especially when he/she knows something that the audience does not?
I found a few clues in this script:
1) The character does not need to explain everything. It leaves some mystery!
2) Allow for the audience to make the leap of logic (but don't require huge leaps of logic that no one can follow).
Notice below:
1) In the first scene, Rudy has an idea who is wiretapping his phone, but he does not tell us. Instead, there is a cut to a conversation with Rudy and Deck.
2) This leap is easy to follow: Rudy thinks he knows who the wiretapper is --> Rudy and Deck lay a trap for the wiretapper.
ex. INT. CLUB AMBER - DAY
Rudy, Deck and Butch are seated in a corner booth, having drinks and looking at the performers.
BUTCH: The bugging device is manufactured in Czechoslovakia, medium grade in quality, and feeds a transmitter located somewhere close by. It wasn't planted by cops or feds.
DECK: Someone else is listening.
Rudy is stunned.
BUTCH: Who else would it be?
RUDY: I've got an idea. Go to a pay phone...
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. PAY PHONE - DAY
Deck is at an outdoor pay phone.
DECK (on phone): Just checking in. you need anything from downtown?
INT. RUDY'S OFFICE - DAY
Rudy is on the phone, talking to Deck. He's sewing a button on his jacket.
RUDY: Nah. Oh, guess who wants to settle now?
DECK (O.S.): Who?
RUDY: Dot Black.
DECK (O.S.)(incredulous and phony): Dot Black?
RUDY: Yeah, I stopped by this morning to check on her, took her a fruitcake. She said she just doesn't have the willpower to suffer through the trial, wants to settle right now.
DECK (O.S.): How much?
RUDY: Said she'd take a hundred and seventy five...
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: This is a much more creative way of showing what Rudy knows ("I think I know who it is" ---> lay trap) rather than boring exposition.
Rainmaker (1997)(1st draft, dated 7/11/96)
by Francis Ford Coppola
Adapted from the novel by John Grisham
Monday, December 10, 2018
TODAY'S NUGGET: A Simple Twist of Fate (1994) - Updating a Novel; How Do We Know a Character is Changing?
[Quick Summary: After a 1 y.o. girl stumbles into his house, a lonely, gold hoarding, furniture builder raises her as his own child, until her real father show up years later.]
TWO THOUGHTS:
1) UPDATING A NOVEL. This is an excellent update of a 1861 novel. It is humorous. It is sets up and pays off beautifully. The characters are well defined.
However, something was missing for me. Perhaps Rogert Ebert knew why:
This script was helpful in reminding me that we need:
a) To show WHY a character is changing
b) Then to show the character MAKING DIFFERENT DECISIONS than before.
Before the scenes below:
- Michael lost a wife (to infidelity) and a child (he thought was his but it wasn't).
- He now builds custom wood furniture. He cashes in his checks for gold coins.
- He is now fostering Mathilda, a 1 y.o. orphan.
-------------------------------------------------
Scene #1: Why Michael changes. Notice the emotional connections.
ex. "INT. MICHAEL'S WORKSHOP - DAY
Michael is hard at work building a playpen. The child, wearing overly-large safety goggles, watches him. Michael concentrates on his work, and hears something uttered from the child.
MICHAEL (off-handed): What?
MATHILDA: Dad-dy.
He looks at Mathilda and she stares at him giggling. The full importance of what has happened hits him.
--------------------------------------------------
Scene #2: Michael makes a different decision than a previous visit.
ex. INT. MRS. SIMON'S ANTIQUES - DAY
Michael cashes a check at the antique store, but this time, instead of getting gold, he loads up on things a baby might enjoy.
MRS. SIMON: Hope you don't mind me saying it, but it's been a while since you bought something for someone else.
Michael looks at the baby rattle in his hand and recognizes the truth, but responds with a joke:
MICHAEL (straight-faced): This is for me.
He stoically shakes the rattle."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: First, take the time to lay out WHY the character is changing --> Then show the character MAKING A DIFFERENT DECISION.
A Simple Twist of Fate (1994)(drafted dated 8/2/93)
by Steve Martin
Adapted from the novel "Silas Marner," by George Eliot
TWO THOUGHTS:
1) UPDATING A NOVEL. This is an excellent update of a 1861 novel. It is humorous. It is sets up and pays off beautifully. The characters are well defined.
However, something was missing for me. Perhaps Rogert Ebert knew why:
The point is, though, that they are Victorians, living in the last century among fears and mores we no longer possess. When you take a Victorian story and plop it down in the 20th century, as "A Simple Twist of Fate" does, you get a strange interruption of the rhythm - as if the characters are dancing to unheard music. They do things that are inexplicable unless you realize they're living according to the codes and cliches of the last century....Try as I might, I just couldn't accept this Victorian story in modern dress....2) HOW DO WE KNOW A CHARACTER IS CHANGING? This question haunts me. How does one show the process of change??
This script was helpful in reminding me that we need:
a) To show WHY a character is changing
b) Then to show the character MAKING DIFFERENT DECISIONS than before.
Before the scenes below:
- Michael lost a wife (to infidelity) and a child (he thought was his but it wasn't).
- He now builds custom wood furniture. He cashes in his checks for gold coins.
- He is now fostering Mathilda, a 1 y.o. orphan.
-------------------------------------------------
Scene #1: Why Michael changes. Notice the emotional connections.
ex. "INT. MICHAEL'S WORKSHOP - DAY
Michael is hard at work building a playpen. The child, wearing overly-large safety goggles, watches him. Michael concentrates on his work, and hears something uttered from the child.
MICHAEL (off-handed): What?
MATHILDA: Dad-dy.
He looks at Mathilda and she stares at him giggling. The full importance of what has happened hits him.
--------------------------------------------------
Scene #2: Michael makes a different decision than a previous visit.
ex. INT. MRS. SIMON'S ANTIQUES - DAY
Michael cashes a check at the antique store, but this time, instead of getting gold, he loads up on things a baby might enjoy.
MRS. SIMON: Hope you don't mind me saying it, but it's been a while since you bought something for someone else.
Michael looks at the baby rattle in his hand and recognizes the truth, but responds with a joke:
MICHAEL (straight-faced): This is for me.
He stoically shakes the rattle."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: First, take the time to lay out WHY the character is changing --> Then show the character MAKING A DIFFERENT DECISION.
A Simple Twist of Fate (1994)(drafted dated 8/2/93)
by Steve Martin
Adapted from the novel "Silas Marner," by George Eliot
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