[Quick Summary: When rich old Uncle Joe hires a "nurse," the estranged family lures back his favorite nephew, Daniel Jr., in hopes that he can get rid of the nurse.]
I'm sure someone else can define better the "button" of a comedy scene.
For me, it's the last joke of the scene that:
1) "bursts the tension bubble" of the build up and sums up the scene, and
2) sends us off with a laugh.
No one does it better than Ganz & Mandel.
Note in the example below:
- Rich old Uncle Joe is descending in an open elevator.
- Carl and his family, one of Uncle's bloodsucking family members, descends beside him on the staircase.
- Carl touts the success of his nine year old son, named after Uncle. [build up of hot air, tension]
- Then the nine year old has the button line. [bursts the balloon!]
ex. "INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY
...During the preceding, Douglas has pushed the chair into a small ELEVATOR CAGE. There's only room in it for Douglas and Joe in the chair. The elevator cage slowly descends, leaving the others on the landing. [This chase builds the tension.]
NINE-YEAR-OLD: Why don't we just cut the cable?
NORA: Ssh!
Carl and Nora look at each other, then at the elevator...
CARL (sotto): It's too thick.
The family descends a spiral staircase which surrounds the elevator. They hurry to keep up.
CARL (CONT'D): Did you hear what happened to General Fruit Company? the old man died and he left it to his son --who had no head for business -- and eight months later, they were bankrupt --the work of a lifetime, down the drain. You should see how Big Joe -- our Big Joe -- what a head for business he has. Already -- just nine years old -- he organized this snow-shoveling company with the other fourth graders. It was amazing. [Carl touts Big Joe's accomplishments to make an unspoken good impression on Uncle.]
They've all reached the bottom Joe comes off the elevator.
JOE (to the nine-year-old): So, you're interested in money.
NINE-YEAR-OLD: Uh-huh. I made ten bucks just comin' here. [Button: His admission points out how desperate his parents are to make a good impression!]
His parents GASP." [We laugh at the audacity. We know the scene has ended.]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The "button" does more than make us laugh as a punchline. It's also a valuable tool to skewer, prick the tension balloon, add irony, reverse expectations, etc.
Greedy (1994)(pre-production draft, 4/14/93)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Monday, September 2, 2019
Monday, August 26, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Fever Pitch (2005) - What is Good on Paper is Not Always Right for Film
[Quick Summary: When Ben, a diehard Red Sox fan, meets Lindsey, a competitive banker, they learn what it is like to manage love with the baseball season.]
A tip for screenwriters: Sometimes what you write on the page is great and makes a point, but on film, it's too predictable.
(In other words, be flexible. Directors may change things for a good reason.)
For example, in this script, Ben does not know Lindsey well yet. She is sick at home, so he picks up a video to make her feel better.
Her favorite film is "Young Frankenstein." He picked up "Young Frankenstein" just by chance!
As a reader, one would think, "Awww, isn't that sweet? They have the same sensibility. They are meant for each other!"
However, the directors felt it was too "on the nose." They kept the scene, but changed the video title.
ex. "He PICKS UP a Blockbuster Video bag.
LINDSEY: What's that?
BEN: Oh, I rented some movies in case you woke up. Not in case -- I knew you'd wake up. I meant, in case you woke up in the middle of the night.
LINDSEY: Anything good?
BEN: Uh...mostly animated pornography from Japan.
She LAUGHS.
BEN (CONT'D): And a few things I like.
LINDSEY: Like what?
BEN: Well, things I watch when I'm sick.
LINDSEY: With me it's "Young Frankenstein."
He looks STUNNED.
LINDSEY (CONT'D): What?
He takes a copy of "Young Frankenstein" out of the bag.
LINDSEY (CONT'D): ...spooky."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: To be honest, I'd have written it the exact same way. The scene doesn't convey the same meaning with two different films.
However, I also think the directors made the right change for film.
This is a great example of how a script is a blueprint to get a point across, but the actual execution may be different.
Fever Pitch (2005)(10/18/02 draft)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Based on the novel "Fever Pitch" by Nick Hornby and the 1997 film "Fever Pitch", screenplay by Nick Hornby
A tip for screenwriters: Sometimes what you write on the page is great and makes a point, but on film, it's too predictable.
(In other words, be flexible. Directors may change things for a good reason.)
For example, in this script, Ben does not know Lindsey well yet. She is sick at home, so he picks up a video to make her feel better.
Her favorite film is "Young Frankenstein." He picked up "Young Frankenstein" just by chance!
As a reader, one would think, "Awww, isn't that sweet? They have the same sensibility. They are meant for each other!"
However, the directors felt it was too "on the nose." They kept the scene, but changed the video title.
ex. "He PICKS UP a Blockbuster Video bag.
LINDSEY: What's that?
BEN: Oh, I rented some movies in case you woke up. Not in case -- I knew you'd wake up. I meant, in case you woke up in the middle of the night.
LINDSEY: Anything good?
BEN: Uh...mostly animated pornography from Japan.
She LAUGHS.
BEN (CONT'D): And a few things I like.
LINDSEY: Like what?
BEN: Well, things I watch when I'm sick.
LINDSEY: With me it's "Young Frankenstein."
He looks STUNNED.
LINDSEY (CONT'D): What?
He takes a copy of "Young Frankenstein" out of the bag.
LINDSEY (CONT'D): ...spooky."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: To be honest, I'd have written it the exact same way. The scene doesn't convey the same meaning with two different films.
However, I also think the directors made the right change for film.
This is a great example of how a script is a blueprint to get a point across, but the actual execution may be different.
Fever Pitch (2005)(10/18/02 draft)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Based on the novel "Fever Pitch" by Nick Hornby and the 1997 film "Fever Pitch", screenplay by Nick Hornby
Monday, August 19, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: EdTV (1999) - The Purpose of a Montage
[Quick Summary: Ed, a video store clerk, signs a deal to broadcast his life on reality tv 24-7, but the stress and lack of privacy ruins all his closest relationships.]
Q: Why are new writers told, "Don't use voice overs, flashbacks, montages"?
A: They are often overused and/or used poorly.
Q: How are they used poorly?
A: Solely to dump information on the audience. It bores the audience, and is lazy.
Q: Is there a better way to use voice overs, flashbacks, montages?
A: Yes. You, the writer, must always know what is the purpose for them.
ex. Is the voice over trying to set an ironic tone?
ex. Does the flashback show the character's current mind, i.e., stuck in the past?
ex. Does the montage ramp up the tension?
Below is a montage from this script.
- What is its purpose? It is a SET UP for the next scene in the rock club.
- The montage does not just deliver information (despite fame, Ed and Shari are finally happily dating) but also sets up the turn (fame is interfering with happiness).
ex. "INT. SHORT MONTAGE
Ed and Shari dating. She's shy, but she really likes Ed. He likes her and is very sweet to her.
1) Ed and Shari some place like "Tavern on the Green." She looks pretty. He's very happy.
2) They come out of a club. TOURISTS photograph them. Shari is a little disconcerted. Ed takes out a little camera of his own and photographs the tourists. This makes Shari laugh and relaxes her.
3) HOCKEY ARENA
CLOSE-UP of Ed, riving the Zamboni. He's loving it. He WAVES to Shari.
SHARI IN THE STANDS,
watching. She waves and smiles.
The ice, a WIDER SHOT.
The Zamboni is, basically out of control. Carlos is sliding along the ice, shooting Ed as the Zamboni zig-zags dangerously, eventually crashing into the boards, shattering the plexi-glass.
INT. LOCAL ROCK CLUB - NIGHT
It is very CROWDED. Claustrophobic. Loud. Ed and Shari enter -- just to see the show. They're spotted.
The Crowd, which is already fired up by the music, sees them. It starts out okay, people crowding around, patting Ed on the back.
A CHANT begins "Ed, Ed, Ed..." Pretty soon it drowns out the music.
More people press toward Ed. It's too crowded --dangerous. Shari is swept away from Ed. She's buffeted about, violently. She goes down. Ed can't move. The Crowd is friendly and happy, but the effect is scary.
EXT. ROCK CLUB - A FEW MINUTES LATER
BOUNCERS squeeze Ed and Shari out the door, protecting them. Ed is unnerved. Shari is somewhat bedraggled. Her clothing is torn."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: A montage is a wonderful shortcut, but is most effective if it has a defined purpose.
EdTV (1999)(6th draft, 7/16/97)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Q: Why are new writers told, "Don't use voice overs, flashbacks, montages"?
A: They are often overused and/or used poorly.
Q: How are they used poorly?
A: Solely to dump information on the audience. It bores the audience, and is lazy.
Q: Is there a better way to use voice overs, flashbacks, montages?
A: Yes. You, the writer, must always know what is the purpose for them.
ex. Is the voice over trying to set an ironic tone?
ex. Does the flashback show the character's current mind, i.e., stuck in the past?
ex. Does the montage ramp up the tension?
Below is a montage from this script.
- What is its purpose? It is a SET UP for the next scene in the rock club.
- The montage does not just deliver information (despite fame, Ed and Shari are finally happily dating) but also sets up the turn (fame is interfering with happiness).
ex. "INT. SHORT MONTAGE
Ed and Shari dating. She's shy, but she really likes Ed. He likes her and is very sweet to her.
1) Ed and Shari some place like "Tavern on the Green." She looks pretty. He's very happy.
2) They come out of a club. TOURISTS photograph them. Shari is a little disconcerted. Ed takes out a little camera of his own and photographs the tourists. This makes Shari laugh and relaxes her.
3) HOCKEY ARENA
CLOSE-UP of Ed, riving the Zamboni. He's loving it. He WAVES to Shari.
SHARI IN THE STANDS,
watching. She waves and smiles.
The ice, a WIDER SHOT.
The Zamboni is, basically out of control. Carlos is sliding along the ice, shooting Ed as the Zamboni zig-zags dangerously, eventually crashing into the boards, shattering the plexi-glass.
INT. LOCAL ROCK CLUB - NIGHT
It is very CROWDED. Claustrophobic. Loud. Ed and Shari enter -- just to see the show. They're spotted.
The Crowd, which is already fired up by the music, sees them. It starts out okay, people crowding around, patting Ed on the back.
A CHANT begins "Ed, Ed, Ed..." Pretty soon it drowns out the music.
More people press toward Ed. It's too crowded --dangerous. Shari is swept away from Ed. She's buffeted about, violently. She goes down. Ed can't move. The Crowd is friendly and happy, but the effect is scary.
EXT. ROCK CLUB - A FEW MINUTES LATER
BOUNCERS squeeze Ed and Shari out the door, protecting them. Ed is unnerved. Shari is somewhat bedraggled. Her clothing is torn."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: A montage is a wonderful shortcut, but is most effective if it has a defined purpose.
EdTV (1999)(6th draft, 7/16/97)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Monday, August 12, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Multiplicity (1996) - Clever Way to Show the Protagonist's Flaw
[Quick Summary: To have more time, Doug clones himself to help with work and family, but then he misses out on the life that the clones are living for him.]
BAD NEWS: This script was started to drag about half-way through.
Why? As one critic put it:
Also, I really liked how the writers introduced the protagonist's flaw.
Doug is a general contractor and a good family man, but he's a workaholic.
The scene below shows us in one scene how Doug is trying to juggle everything and failing. His flaw is not knowing what he wants and failing to prioritize.
ex. "INT. THE PICKUP - CONTINUOUS
Doug juggles the cellular phone and a cup of McDonald's coffee as he pops a couple of Tums.
DOUG (bugged): All right, fax the plans to me in the car...Okay, go.
He pushes a couple of buttons on his car fax and hears a beep.
DOUG: Hold on --I got another call. (he hits call-waiting) Hello?... Oh, hi, babe. How's it going (it's his wife, who he loves) I don't know when I'll be home. Why?... What's "bridging"?
The fax machine comes alive and starts spitting out shredded paper.
DOUG: Shit!...No, not that -- my fax is screwing up. Hold on a sec, okay? (back to the guy on hold) Eddie, you have to send it again. My fax machine just ate it... What brand? "piece of shit." It's an off-brand.
He angrily rips the shredded paper out of the fax and spills his coffee on his lap.
DOUG: Goddamn it!...What?! No, not you. I just spilled my coffee. Hold on... (back to his wife, mopping up coffee from between his legs) I'm sorry, babe. This is like a bad dream. What's this "bridging" thing?...Oh yeah, Jennifer -- Daisies to Brownies. Right, I remember. (he doesn't) Six-thirty -- I'm writing it down -- (he isn't) Okay, I love you, too. See you later.
The fax machine makes a terrible grinding noise and starts shredding more paper. Doug slams his fist down on it."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I thought the juggling in a confined space was very clever because the juggling is not just a metaphor, but literal (car fax, phone, coffee).
Multiplicity (1996)(rev by Harold Ramis, 5/10/95)
by Chris Miller & Mary Hale and Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
BAD NEWS: This script was started to drag about half-way through.
Why? As one critic put it:
As it is, the promising material of “Multiplicity” gets awfully thin. It feels more like a short film grown long, which is death to a comedy.GOOD NEWS: The first half lays out the premise well in an economical manner.
Also, I really liked how the writers introduced the protagonist's flaw.
Doug is a general contractor and a good family man, but he's a workaholic.
The scene below shows us in one scene how Doug is trying to juggle everything and failing. His flaw is not knowing what he wants and failing to prioritize.
ex. "INT. THE PICKUP - CONTINUOUS
Doug juggles the cellular phone and a cup of McDonald's coffee as he pops a couple of Tums.
DOUG (bugged): All right, fax the plans to me in the car...Okay, go.
He pushes a couple of buttons on his car fax and hears a beep.
DOUG: Hold on --I got another call. (he hits call-waiting) Hello?... Oh, hi, babe. How's it going (it's his wife, who he loves) I don't know when I'll be home. Why?... What's "bridging"?
The fax machine comes alive and starts spitting out shredded paper.
DOUG: Shit!...No, not that -- my fax is screwing up. Hold on a sec, okay? (back to the guy on hold) Eddie, you have to send it again. My fax machine just ate it... What brand? "piece of shit." It's an off-brand.
He angrily rips the shredded paper out of the fax and spills his coffee on his lap.
DOUG: Goddamn it!...What?! No, not you. I just spilled my coffee. Hold on... (back to his wife, mopping up coffee from between his legs) I'm sorry, babe. This is like a bad dream. What's this "bridging" thing?...Oh yeah, Jennifer -- Daisies to Brownies. Right, I remember. (he doesn't) Six-thirty -- I'm writing it down -- (he isn't) Okay, I love you, too. See you later.
The fax machine makes a terrible grinding noise and starts shredding more paper. Doug slams his fist down on it."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I thought the juggling in a confined space was very clever because the juggling is not just a metaphor, but literal (car fax, phone, coffee).
Multiplicity (1996)(rev by Harold Ramis, 5/10/95)
by Chris Miller & Mary Hale and Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Monday, August 5, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Forget Paris (1995) - What is Voice?
[Quick Summary: The up-and-down love story of how Mickey and Ellen met, fell in love and separated, as told from the POV of their friends.]
What is "voice"? For me, it is when I read a script and I know it is ___ writer. There's a tempo, a style, a way of telling the story.
How do you get a distinctive voice? I have no clue still.
I suspect it is one of those things that is partly unconscious and partly from having rewritten many scripts so that it sounds like YOU and YOUR RHYTHMS.
Ganz and Mandel have a definite voice. There is a certain tempo. They probably cram more jokes than you can into a few lines. Scenes end with a flourish. There is always a wry sense of the ridiculous in the face of disaster.
In the example below:
- The airline has lost Mickey's father's coffin. Mickey does not speak French.
- His friend Andy (V.O.) is telling Mickey's story to Liz.
- Notice how the frustrating last scene ends on a funny note.
ex. "INT. STOREROOM
Mickey is being shown around. An official is pointing hopefully to various items.
MICKEY: No! No! He wasn't a bicycle! We didn't sit on him and go for a ride. No! Not a birdcage!
CUT TO:
INT. STOREROOM
SHOTS of Mickey talking to one official after another. He can't communicate well with any of them and none of them seem very concerned about his problem.
ANDY (V.O.): Mickey's going out of his mind. But he's trying not to go off on anyone. You know, he doesn't want to be the ugly American.
INT. STOREROOM
Mickey is with another official, who speaks rapid French and coolly tosses Mickey's paperwork back to him and shrugs, unconcerned. By this time, Mickey is disheveled and tired.
MICKEY: Please - look - I know you people are still angry over Euro Disney, but, please, don't take it out on me. I'm on your side. I even said, "the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, the Country Bea Jamboree, it's not a good mix."
The official is ignoring him.
MICKEY (CONT): Whatever you do, I'm not gonna lose my temper.
ANDY (V.O.): But finally...
INT. STOREROOM
Mickey with another insolent OFFICIAL.
MICKEY: If I was Hitler you'd give me my father. You'd give me everything in your whole goddam country. (screams) Where is my father?! Ou est mon pere?! If you don't find him, I'm gonna bury you instead!
ANDY (V.O.): Two days!
LIZ (V.O.): Two days?
ANDY (V.O.) He was in that airport two days! But the airline was nice. They gave him triple advantage miles and free almonds."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Your voice distinguishes you from everyone else.
I finally begin to grasp that it's a combination of things, especially how you tell the story: tempo, POV, etc.
Forget Paris (1995)(1st draft, 6/24/94)
by Billy Crystal & Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
What is "voice"? For me, it is when I read a script and I know it is ___ writer. There's a tempo, a style, a way of telling the story.
How do you get a distinctive voice? I have no clue still.
I suspect it is one of those things that is partly unconscious and partly from having rewritten many scripts so that it sounds like YOU and YOUR RHYTHMS.
Ganz and Mandel have a definite voice. There is a certain tempo. They probably cram more jokes than you can into a few lines. Scenes end with a flourish. There is always a wry sense of the ridiculous in the face of disaster.
In the example below:
- The airline has lost Mickey's father's coffin. Mickey does not speak French.
- His friend Andy (V.O.) is telling Mickey's story to Liz.
- Notice how the frustrating last scene ends on a funny note.
ex. "INT. STOREROOM
Mickey is being shown around. An official is pointing hopefully to various items.
MICKEY: No! No! He wasn't a bicycle! We didn't sit on him and go for a ride. No! Not a birdcage!
CUT TO:
INT. STOREROOM
SHOTS of Mickey talking to one official after another. He can't communicate well with any of them and none of them seem very concerned about his problem.
ANDY (V.O.): Mickey's going out of his mind. But he's trying not to go off on anyone. You know, he doesn't want to be the ugly American.
INT. STOREROOM
Mickey is with another official, who speaks rapid French and coolly tosses Mickey's paperwork back to him and shrugs, unconcerned. By this time, Mickey is disheveled and tired.
MICKEY: Please - look - I know you people are still angry over Euro Disney, but, please, don't take it out on me. I'm on your side. I even said, "the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, the Country Bea Jamboree, it's not a good mix."
The official is ignoring him.
MICKEY (CONT): Whatever you do, I'm not gonna lose my temper.
ANDY (V.O.): But finally...
INT. STOREROOM
Mickey with another insolent OFFICIAL.
MICKEY: If I was Hitler you'd give me my father. You'd give me everything in your whole goddam country. (screams) Where is my father?! Ou est mon pere?! If you don't find him, I'm gonna bury you instead!
ANDY (V.O.): Two days!
LIZ (V.O.): Two days?
ANDY (V.O.) He was in that airport two days! But the airline was nice. They gave him triple advantage miles and free almonds."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Your voice distinguishes you from everyone else.
I finally begin to grasp that it's a combination of things, especially how you tell the story: tempo, POV, etc.
Forget Paris (1995)(1st draft, 6/24/94)
by Billy Crystal & Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Monday, July 29, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: A League of Their Own (1992) - The Sister Dynamic; Tension
[Quick Summary: In 1943, two competitive sisters try out for the first women's baseball league.]
The only thing I knew about this script was what I'd seen in the movie trailers.
I'm glad that I did not know too much, and was pleasantly surprised by:
1) The team manager character. In the trailer, he is exasperated but lovable. In the script, he is depressed that this is the only job he can get and is more layered.
2) The sisters dynamic. These are sisters who love each other but need their own space. It's refreshing to see they don't hate each other, just need different things.
I really like how the writers do not shy away from this tension, even though it is a bittersweet thing.
The scene below is from early in the script (p. 11). The sisters have just played a game for fun. Mitch Swaley has just asked Kit out. They are walking home.
Notice the up & down tension of "She's-my-sister-and-my-competitor."
ex. "EXT. FARM - LATE AFTERNOON
...DOTTIE: You were really gonna go with him?
KIT: Hey, all the good guys are gone. We can't all be lucky enough to have married Private Bob. America's secret weapon...I'm sorry. That last pitch was right down the middle. If I'd have swung at that I'd have been the hero. But you got me so crazy. [Jealousy]
DOTTIE: All I said was "Lay off the high ones."[Defensive]
KIT (dumb voice): "Good thing your sister bailed you out Kit, why don't you get your sister to teach you how to hit?" "Hey, Kit how come you're not beautiful like your sister?" [Comparison]
DOTTIE: What idiot said that?
KIT: No one, but I know they're thinking it. [Low self-esteem]
DOTTIE: They are not. [My sister the defender]
KIT: No? you ever hear Mom or Dad introduce us to people. This is our daughter Dottie. This is our other daughter -- Dottie's sister. They should've just had you and bought a dog. [Comparison]
DOTTIE (teasing): Mitch Swaley likes you. [Cheerleader]
KIT: Mitch Swaley's one step up from dating pigs. [Acknowledges she is right]
DOTTIE (laughs): But an important step. [Acknowledges she is right]
Kit's walking fast
DOTTIE (CONT'D): Why are you walking so fast? [Competitive]
KIT: Why are you? [Competitive]
DOTTIE: Cause you are." [Competitive]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was surprised that I was ok that the sisters aren't totally best friends by the end of the story.
I think it is because I know that these are two very different people, even on p. 11.
A League of Their Own (1992)(final shooting script, 6/7/91, w/revisions)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
The only thing I knew about this script was what I'd seen in the movie trailers.
I'm glad that I did not know too much, and was pleasantly surprised by:
1) The team manager character. In the trailer, he is exasperated but lovable. In the script, he is depressed that this is the only job he can get and is more layered.
2) The sisters dynamic. These are sisters who love each other but need their own space. It's refreshing to see they don't hate each other, just need different things.
I really like how the writers do not shy away from this tension, even though it is a bittersweet thing.
The scene below is from early in the script (p. 11). The sisters have just played a game for fun. Mitch Swaley has just asked Kit out. They are walking home.
Notice the up & down tension of "She's-my-sister-and-my-competitor."
ex. "EXT. FARM - LATE AFTERNOON
...DOTTIE: You were really gonna go with him?
KIT: Hey, all the good guys are gone. We can't all be lucky enough to have married Private Bob. America's secret weapon...I'm sorry. That last pitch was right down the middle. If I'd have swung at that I'd have been the hero. But you got me so crazy. [Jealousy]
DOTTIE: All I said was "Lay off the high ones."[Defensive]
KIT (dumb voice): "Good thing your sister bailed you out Kit, why don't you get your sister to teach you how to hit?" "Hey, Kit how come you're not beautiful like your sister?" [Comparison]
DOTTIE: What idiot said that?
KIT: No one, but I know they're thinking it. [Low self-esteem]
DOTTIE: They are not. [My sister the defender]
KIT: No? you ever hear Mom or Dad introduce us to people. This is our daughter Dottie. This is our other daughter -- Dottie's sister. They should've just had you and bought a dog. [Comparison]
DOTTIE (teasing): Mitch Swaley likes you. [Cheerleader]
KIT: Mitch Swaley's one step up from dating pigs. [Acknowledges she is right]
DOTTIE (laughs): But an important step. [Acknowledges she is right]
Kit's walking fast
DOTTIE (CONT'D): Why are you walking so fast? [Competitive]
KIT: Why are you? [Competitive]
DOTTIE: Cause you are." [Competitive]
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was surprised that I was ok that the sisters aren't totally best friends by the end of the story.
I think it is because I know that these are two very different people, even on p. 11.
A League of Their Own (1992)(final shooting script, 6/7/91, w/revisions)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Monday, July 22, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Spies Like Us (1985) - Not the Words, But the Telling
[Quick Summary: Two inept government employees are recruited for a Defense Department mission, not knowing that they are merely decoys.]
Over the years, I've grappled with the idea of a screenplay as a blueprint, a map, or "written to be shot." What does it mean?
Then I heard an explanation from writer Paul Schrader that made sense:
As an example, I thought the plot for this script was so-so, but the telling of how these two protagonists cheat on a civil service test is great.
Note that the words below state "how they cheated", but it is really the telling of "how they bonded."
ex. "INT. EXAMINATION ROOM - DAY
... Fitz-Hume copies the answer and then the two of them begin ever-escalating series of collaborative maneuvers, signaling page number, answers, multiple choices, etc. via an elaborate set of clandestine pantomimes and sign langues, always checking the Monitor to be sure they're unobserved. Fitz-Hume boldly pulls his patch from his eye. Catches an answer written inside. He lets it snap back. He reads from the bandage on his arm. He takes off his shoes, flips them over to read answers written on the soles.
They are still desperate. Fitz-Hume thinks a minute and decides, "What the hell."
FITZ-HUME (screams): Oh, my God! The pressure! The stress! I can't stand it!
He stands up.
FITZ-HUME (continuing): It's inhuman! I --
He starts to gasp and roll his eyes. His tongue sticks out. He begins to stagger.
FITZ-HUME (continuing): My heart!...Heart attack! Attack of the heart!
He careens around the room. As he does he takes the opportunity to look at everyone's test paper. He clutches a couple and staggers around, reading them. Finally, he collapses to the floor. Millbarge jumps in.
MILLBARGE: Stand back. I'm a trained cardiologist. He needs air. Let me fan him.
He grabs another applicant's test paper and fans him, reading it all the while.
MILLBARGE (continuing): I said stand back. Maybe you should all go out of the room.
CLOSE ANGLE - THE EXAM MONITOR - DAY
She's not dumb. She reaches under her desk and presses a concealed button."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: It seems so easy: Scripts that are told well are fun to read.
It took me an embarrassing amount of time to realize that no one can teach you how to tell a story...except by reading lots of stories.
Spies Like Us (1985)(rev. draft, 10/19/84)
Story by Dan Aykroyd & Dave Thomas
by Dan Aykroyd and Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Over the years, I've grappled with the idea of a screenplay as a blueprint, a map, or "written to be shot." What does it mean?
Then I heard an explanation from writer Paul Schrader that made sense:
What I tell young writers is don't confuse screenwriting with writing. Screenwriting is part of the oral tradition. It is not part of the literary tradition. You have to tell your story. It's not about the words, it's about the telling. (underline mine)So screenwriting is not about really about the words, but use of words for the telling! (Or, as screenwriter Eric Roth said, a "bastardized form.")
As an example, I thought the plot for this script was so-so, but the telling of how these two protagonists cheat on a civil service test is great.
Note that the words below state "how they cheated", but it is really the telling of "how they bonded."
ex. "INT. EXAMINATION ROOM - DAY
... Fitz-Hume copies the answer and then the two of them begin ever-escalating series of collaborative maneuvers, signaling page number, answers, multiple choices, etc. via an elaborate set of clandestine pantomimes and sign langues, always checking the Monitor to be sure they're unobserved. Fitz-Hume boldly pulls his patch from his eye. Catches an answer written inside. He lets it snap back. He reads from the bandage on his arm. He takes off his shoes, flips them over to read answers written on the soles.
They are still desperate. Fitz-Hume thinks a minute and decides, "What the hell."
FITZ-HUME (screams): Oh, my God! The pressure! The stress! I can't stand it!
He stands up.
FITZ-HUME (continuing): It's inhuman! I --
He starts to gasp and roll his eyes. His tongue sticks out. He begins to stagger.
FITZ-HUME (continuing): My heart!...Heart attack! Attack of the heart!
He careens around the room. As he does he takes the opportunity to look at everyone's test paper. He clutches a couple and staggers around, reading them. Finally, he collapses to the floor. Millbarge jumps in.
MILLBARGE: Stand back. I'm a trained cardiologist. He needs air. Let me fan him.
He grabs another applicant's test paper and fans him, reading it all the while.
MILLBARGE (continuing): I said stand back. Maybe you should all go out of the room.
CLOSE ANGLE - THE EXAM MONITOR - DAY
She's not dumb. She reaches under her desk and presses a concealed button."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: It seems so easy: Scripts that are told well are fun to read.
It took me an embarrassing amount of time to realize that no one can teach you how to tell a story...except by reading lots of stories.
Spies Like Us (1985)(rev. draft, 10/19/84)
Story by Dan Aykroyd & Dave Thomas
by Dan Aykroyd and Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Monday, July 15, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Splash (1984) - Laying Out the Internal Conflict, But Funny
[Quick Summary: A cranky lovelorn produce salesman falls in love with a mysterious stranger who is a mermaid.]
I really like this script for a few reasons:
1) It is rare that a comedy is this solid or this good.
2) It is very rare that a comedy at all is OSCAR NOMINATED. This one deserves it.
3) It has an unusual structure: The antagonist (a scientist) chases the protagonists (Alan & Madison) throughout the whole story, but they don't meet until Act 3.
4) It has a cheeky first line: (It works here but not everywhere.)
ex. "EXT. OFF THE NEW ENGLAND COAST - TWENTY YEARS AGO - DUSK
We know it's twenty years ago, because WE WRITE ON THE SCREEN "TWENTY YEARS AGO," thereby leaving little doubt."
5) It takes the time to lay out Alan's internal conflict and in a funny way.
In the scene below:
- Alan is an usher at his friend Jerry's wedding.
- Freddie is Alan's brother.
- Victoria, Alan's girlfriend, has just dumped Alan.
- Alan is conflicted: lonely, embarrassed, and defensive that Victoria left him.
ex. "INT. CHURCH - A FEW MINUTES LATER
Alan is in the aisle, ushering. Freddie is next to him.
ALAN: There's got to be something wrong with me. (to passing guests) Anywhere, but the first three rows.
GUEST #1: Hey, Freddie, Alan. Where's Victoria?
ALAN: She's uh...sick. (to Freddie) Why didn't I love her? She was bright, sensitive, beautiful.
GUEST: #2: Hey, Alan. Where's Victoria?
ALAN: Flu. Bad flu. Very sick.
GUEST #2: Give her my love.
ALAN: Sure. (to Freddie) I can't even give her my love. I'm serious, Freddie. (points to his heart) Something in here's not working.
FREDDIE: There are worse organs to not be working.
GUEST #3: Hi, guys. Hey, Alan, where's that pretty girl of yours?
ALAN (getting annoyed): She's not coming, okay? You want your money back?
The guest walks off, confused.
ALAN (continuing to Freddie): I don't know. Maybe it's all for the best.
GUEST #4: Hey, Alan --
ALAN (loud): She left me, all right?! She moved out. My life is a shambles. Okay? You got the news, you want the weather. (to someone else, surly) Anywhere, but the first three rows."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Ganz & Mandel scripts are built well. I like that they get to the point, but aren't afraid to lay pipe when needed.
I also like that the humor comes from internal character (Alan is trying to juggle multiple emotions) rather than the external situation (Alan is unhappily single at a happy event.)
Splash (1984)(2nd draft, 2/1/83)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Story by Brian Grazer
I really like this script for a few reasons:
1) It is rare that a comedy is this solid or this good.
2) It is very rare that a comedy at all is OSCAR NOMINATED. This one deserves it.
3) It has an unusual structure: The antagonist (a scientist) chases the protagonists (Alan & Madison) throughout the whole story, but they don't meet until Act 3.
4) It has a cheeky first line: (It works here but not everywhere.)
ex. "EXT. OFF THE NEW ENGLAND COAST - TWENTY YEARS AGO - DUSK
We know it's twenty years ago, because WE WRITE ON THE SCREEN "TWENTY YEARS AGO," thereby leaving little doubt."
5) It takes the time to lay out Alan's internal conflict and in a funny way.
In the scene below:
- Alan is an usher at his friend Jerry's wedding.
- Freddie is Alan's brother.
- Victoria, Alan's girlfriend, has just dumped Alan.
- Alan is conflicted: lonely, embarrassed, and defensive that Victoria left him.
ex. "INT. CHURCH - A FEW MINUTES LATER
Alan is in the aisle, ushering. Freddie is next to him.
ALAN: There's got to be something wrong with me. (to passing guests) Anywhere, but the first three rows.
GUEST #1: Hey, Freddie, Alan. Where's Victoria?
ALAN: She's uh...sick. (to Freddie) Why didn't I love her? She was bright, sensitive, beautiful.
GUEST: #2: Hey, Alan. Where's Victoria?
ALAN: Flu. Bad flu. Very sick.
GUEST #2: Give her my love.
ALAN: Sure. (to Freddie) I can't even give her my love. I'm serious, Freddie. (points to his heart) Something in here's not working.
FREDDIE: There are worse organs to not be working.
GUEST #3: Hi, guys. Hey, Alan, where's that pretty girl of yours?
ALAN (getting annoyed): She's not coming, okay? You want your money back?
The guest walks off, confused.
ALAN (continuing to Freddie): I don't know. Maybe it's all for the best.
GUEST #4: Hey, Alan --
ALAN (loud): She left me, all right?! She moved out. My life is a shambles. Okay? You got the news, you want the weather. (to someone else, surly) Anywhere, but the first three rows."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Ganz & Mandel scripts are built well. I like that they get to the point, but aren't afraid to lay pipe when needed.
I also like that the humor comes from internal character (Alan is trying to juggle multiple emotions) rather than the external situation (Alan is unhappily single at a happy event.)
Splash (1984)(2nd draft, 2/1/83)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
Story by Brian Grazer
Monday, July 8, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Night Shift (1982) - Lacking Story? Then Face Your Flaw
[Quick Summary: A timid morgue night employee is talked into using the morgue as an office for prostitutes, but then competing pimps come after him.]
I never knew about Ganz & Mandel until I watched these interviews.
They both started out writing for tv shows, including the popular show Happy Days.* This is their first feature film.
I think one strong hallmark of a Ganz & Mandel script is that is there is a story rather than just a situation.**
Story = The protagonist must face his/her own flaw, often resulting in an arc.
Situation = Series of events. Flaw and arc are not important.
In the scene below:
- Chuck is the protagonist and is engaged to Charlotte.
- Vivian is Chuck's mother. Edward and Rose are Charlotte's parents.
- They were all at dinner when Belinda, Chuck's neighbor and a prostitute, called him to bail her out of jail. They are now returning from court.
- FLAW: Chuck lets everyone push him around.
- Notice the structure of the scene: No one will let Chuck speak in this car (or in his life). He must do it now or else he is doomed. This is Chuck's a-ha! moment.
ex. "INT. KOOGLE'S RENTED CAR - LATER THAT NIGHT
Edward and Rose are in the front. Rose has her head out the window. Chuck is seated in the back between Vivian and Charlotte. Everyone is distraught.
EDWARD: You know what really steams my beans? They just let that strumpet right back out on the streets!
CHARLOTTE (to Chuck): You're moving out of that building.
VIVIAN: Absolutely.
CHUCK (softly): Wait a minute --
VIVIAN: You stay out of it. (to Charlotte) Let me tell you something. When you get married you have to handle him the way I handled his father.
There's a big bump in the road. Everyone flies up.
EDWARD: Potholes! You all right, Rose?
We hear Rose moaning. We PUSH IN TIGHT on Chuck. He's not speaking but clearly he's listening to every word and weighing them carefully.
VIVIAN: If it wasn't for me, his father would've done any old thing he pleased. You know what he wanted to do? Make furniture by hand! Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Koogle, I straightened out Al, and together we'll all straighten out Chuck.
They hit another bump and go flying.
EDWARD (O.S.): You all right, Rose?
She moans."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I thought the scene above fit perfectly with Chuck's flaw.
The structure and the visuals are all great setups. They all are forcing Chuck to take proactive action in the next scene.
Night Shift (1982)(3rd draft, 7/20/81)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
*Happy Days featured actor Ron Howard who was to become the future director of Night Shift. Ganz & Mandel would go on to write several films for Howard.
** The Problem with 99% of Screenplays (aka Fat Tootsie Syndrome) does a nice job of explaining story vs. situation and the need for a character to have a flaw.
I never knew about Ganz & Mandel until I watched these interviews.
They both started out writing for tv shows, including the popular show Happy Days.* This is their first feature film.
I think one strong hallmark of a Ganz & Mandel script is that is there is a story rather than just a situation.**
Story = The protagonist must face his/her own flaw, often resulting in an arc.
Situation = Series of events. Flaw and arc are not important.
In the scene below:
- Chuck is the protagonist and is engaged to Charlotte.
- Vivian is Chuck's mother. Edward and Rose are Charlotte's parents.
- They were all at dinner when Belinda, Chuck's neighbor and a prostitute, called him to bail her out of jail. They are now returning from court.
- FLAW: Chuck lets everyone push him around.
- Notice the structure of the scene: No one will let Chuck speak in this car (or in his life). He must do it now or else he is doomed. This is Chuck's a-ha! moment.
ex. "INT. KOOGLE'S RENTED CAR - LATER THAT NIGHT
Edward and Rose are in the front. Rose has her head out the window. Chuck is seated in the back between Vivian and Charlotte. Everyone is distraught.
EDWARD: You know what really steams my beans? They just let that strumpet right back out on the streets!
CHARLOTTE (to Chuck): You're moving out of that building.
VIVIAN: Absolutely.
CHUCK (softly): Wait a minute --
VIVIAN: You stay out of it. (to Charlotte) Let me tell you something. When you get married you have to handle him the way I handled his father.
There's a big bump in the road. Everyone flies up.
EDWARD: Potholes! You all right, Rose?
We hear Rose moaning. We PUSH IN TIGHT on Chuck. He's not speaking but clearly he's listening to every word and weighing them carefully.
VIVIAN: If it wasn't for me, his father would've done any old thing he pleased. You know what he wanted to do? Make furniture by hand! Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Koogle, I straightened out Al, and together we'll all straighten out Chuck.
They hit another bump and go flying.
EDWARD (O.S.): You all right, Rose?
She moans."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I thought the scene above fit perfectly with Chuck's flaw.
The structure and the visuals are all great setups. They all are forcing Chuck to take proactive action in the next scene.
Night Shift (1982)(3rd draft, 7/20/81)
by Lowell Ganz & Babaloo Mandel
*Happy Days featured actor Ron Howard who was to become the future director of Night Shift. Ganz & Mandel would go on to write several films for Howard.
** The Problem with 99% of Screenplays (aka Fat Tootsie Syndrome) does a nice job of explaining story vs. situation and the need for a character to have a flaw.
Monday, July 1, 2019
TODAY'S NUGGET: Peeping Tom (1960) - It Does Not Let You Off the Hook
[Quick Summary: A young focus puller/ photographer/ director wannabe is an underground serial killer who is trying to capture the moment of death from fear.]
THREE THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS SCRIPT:
1) It's one of the best psychological horror/thriller scripts that I've read. It is 60 y.o., yet still relevant, still could be made today, still has something to say.
2) It's risky. The critics' and public's response to this film essentially ended director Michael Powell's career in England.* **
3) It does not let you off the hook. I liked that the script does not try to explain away Mark's murdering instinct or soften the blow of his decisions.
Yes, Mark is a loner, socially awkward, driven, and probably was harmed by his scientific father's psychological experiments.
However, he does not make excuses for himself and takes responsibility for his actions. What a dilemma! Do I root for or against him?
In the scene below, note:
- Helen is a neighbor and possibly the first girl to show interest in Mark.
- Their rapport makes me hope that Mark could change, but his "better be soon" tells me that he knows that he will be facing consequences soon.
- This scene is so bittersweet and tragic, yet does not veer from Mark's goal.
ex. "INT. MARK'S SITTING ROOM - EVENING
...HELEN: I'll tell you that too - but, Mark...this is the problem...The children who read the book will want to see the pictures the camera takes - but the publishers say they're impossible to photograph, and suggest drawings...but I don't agree.
MARK: No - nothing's impossible.
HELEN: was hoping you'd say that! There must be photographs - however difficult to take - and I was wondering, Mark - if you'd...
MARK: Oh yes.
HELEN: discuss it with me.
MARK: take them.
HELEN: Mark - I can't ask you to do that...
They have cancelled his Oscar.
HELEN (cont'd): I mean...the publisher's mightn't agree.
MARK: I'd take them...for you.
HELEN: Yes but...the money.
MARK: There are some things...which I photograph...for nothing.
HELEN: I didn't mean to offend you.
MARK: Offend?
CLOSE SHOT of Mark.
MARK (cont'd): Helen...if you knew what it meant...for something to happen to me...that I don't have to make happen...it's like...you've given me a twenty-first birthday...
CLOSE SHOT of Helen looking at him...
MARK (cont'd): What does your camera photograph?
HELEN: Mark - I must go...I just wanted to know...if you'd talk it over with me.
MARK: When please?
HELEN: That's up to you.
MARK: Helen...I don't know much about...dinner out...but would you come with me?
HELEN: Thank you.
MARK: Thank you.
HELEN: When?
MARK: Oh...
HELEN: What's the matter?
MARK: It had better be soon...
HELEN: Are you going away?
MARK: Almost for certain!...
HELEN: Oh...well you suggest when.
MARK: Are you free...tomorrow night?
HELEN: Yes."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I admire this script for having something to say and sticking with it.
Peeping Tom (1960)(shooting draft, 1959)
by Leo Marks
*Why did critics and the public hate it so? I think because it didn't allow the audience to lurk anonymously in the dark, but implicated us in the voyeurism of the title character.
**Powell was the well regarded director of The Red Shoes (1948), Tales of Hoffman (1951), etc. He was the husband of Thelma Schoonmaker, Martin Scorsese's editor.
THREE THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS SCRIPT:
1) It's one of the best psychological horror/thriller scripts that I've read. It is 60 y.o., yet still relevant, still could be made today, still has something to say.
2) It's risky. The critics' and public's response to this film essentially ended director Michael Powell's career in England.* **
3) It does not let you off the hook. I liked that the script does not try to explain away Mark's murdering instinct or soften the blow of his decisions.
Yes, Mark is a loner, socially awkward, driven, and probably was harmed by his scientific father's psychological experiments.
However, he does not make excuses for himself and takes responsibility for his actions. What a dilemma! Do I root for or against him?
In the scene below, note:
- Helen is a neighbor and possibly the first girl to show interest in Mark.
- Their rapport makes me hope that Mark could change, but his "better be soon" tells me that he knows that he will be facing consequences soon.
- This scene is so bittersweet and tragic, yet does not veer from Mark's goal.
ex. "INT. MARK'S SITTING ROOM - EVENING
...HELEN: I'll tell you that too - but, Mark...this is the problem...The children who read the book will want to see the pictures the camera takes - but the publishers say they're impossible to photograph, and suggest drawings...but I don't agree.
MARK: No - nothing's impossible.
HELEN: was hoping you'd say that! There must be photographs - however difficult to take - and I was wondering, Mark - if you'd...
MARK: Oh yes.
HELEN: discuss it with me.
MARK: take them.
HELEN: Mark - I can't ask you to do that...
They have cancelled his Oscar.
HELEN (cont'd): I mean...the publisher's mightn't agree.
MARK: I'd take them...for you.
HELEN: Yes but...the money.
MARK: There are some things...which I photograph...for nothing.
HELEN: I didn't mean to offend you.
MARK: Offend?
CLOSE SHOT of Mark.
MARK (cont'd): Helen...if you knew what it meant...for something to happen to me...that I don't have to make happen...it's like...you've given me a twenty-first birthday...
CLOSE SHOT of Helen looking at him...
MARK (cont'd): What does your camera photograph?
HELEN: Mark - I must go...I just wanted to know...if you'd talk it over with me.
MARK: When please?
HELEN: That's up to you.
MARK: Helen...I don't know much about...dinner out...but would you come with me?
HELEN: Thank you.
MARK: Thank you.
HELEN: When?
MARK: Oh...
HELEN: What's the matter?
MARK: It had better be soon...
HELEN: Are you going away?
MARK: Almost for certain!...
HELEN: Oh...well you suggest when.
MARK: Are you free...tomorrow night?
HELEN: Yes."
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I admire this script for having something to say and sticking with it.
Peeping Tom (1960)(shooting draft, 1959)
by Leo Marks
*Why did critics and the public hate it so? I think because it didn't allow the audience to lurk anonymously in the dark, but implicated us in the voyeurism of the title character.
**Powell was the well regarded director of The Red Shoes (1948), Tales of Hoffman (1951), etc. He was the husband of Thelma Schoonmaker, Martin Scorsese's editor.
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