TODAY'S NUGGET: The Prize Fighter (1979) - Showing How a Fight is Fixed (Setup-Payoff)

[Quick Summary: Mobster Mike lures Bags, an awful boxer, and Shake, his corner guy, into training at Pop's gym, in hopes of getting his hands on the gym.]

Let me say it from the start: Not everyone can (or likes to) write comedy. But why?

Director Alexander MacKendrick put it very elegantly:

‘Comedy is hard’ (last words of Edmund Kean). Comedy plays best in the mastershot. Comic structure is simply dramatic structure but MORE SO: neater, shorter, faster. Don’t attempt comedy until you are really expert in structuring dramatic material.MacKendrick says it very elegantly above, but I'd never understood what he meant until I had to write one myself. (emphasis mine)

I still didn't understand what he meant until I took a stab myself.  I discovered what one can only discover by doing it: There is an unforgiving rhythm to comedy.*

The truth of "neater, shorter, faster" can be seen in today's script, one of two, which comedian/writer Tim Conway wrote for himself and friend Don Knotts.

In this story, Bags (Conway) and Shake (Knotts) are being set up for a fall.

In the scene below:
-Notice how neat, short, fast the sentences read. Great economy of writing.
-Notice how it keeps our eye moving around the room (setup).
-I underlined the payoff.  Why is it funny? He wins with eyes closed, which the audience knows is impossible and unexpected...unless it's fixed.

INT. CARNIVAL TENT RING - NIGHT

...MIKE

takes a real interest in what's happening with the ring work Bags has come up with. The Champ actually takes a few pokes at Bags but can't seem to catch up to him. Mike leans forward. He likes what he sees. He whispers to Flower. Flower signals the SECOND in the Champ's corner. The Second gets the message.

SECOND (to Champ): Hey, Mule...

He motions to him with a thumbs down signal. The Champ questions it by looking to Mike. Mike nods his head in agreement. The Champ shrugs his shoulders and moves to Bags. He beings to corner Bags so he has no choice but to hit the Champ. He does so with his eyes closed. The Champ goes down. The crowd yells for him.  Bags opens his eyes. He sees the Champ down and out. He bends over to help him.

BAGS: I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, honest.

The Champ looks at him with one eye like, what the hell is the matter with you.

Shake is wide-eyed. He can't believe it. Jimmy goes to Bags and holds his hand high.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: In a drama, you have a lot more leeway with time. The rhythm can ebb and flow at leisure, like waves on a beach.  

In a comedy, you have little leeway.  The rhythm is much more structured, insistent, demanding, like a military march.

The Prize Fighter (1979)
by Tim Conway and John Myhers
Story by Tim Conway

*Writers, please DO NOT take my word for it. Please try it out for yourself and see if comedy fits you or not.  Scientific method the heck out of it.

This a-ha! moment is brought to you by Years of My Own Pain.

TODAY'S NUGGET: They Went That-A-Way & That-A-Away (1978) - Choreographing The Pie Fight (Slapstick)

[Quick Summary: Goofy undercover cops Dewey and Wallace are sent to prison to ferret out the location of hidden money, but Duke and his gang want it first.]

Tim Conway was one of the reasons I loved "The Carol Burnett Show" on tv.  His comedy, both verbal and slapstick, would crack up his fellow actors on live tv.*

I saw the original of this script (donated to his alma mater), complete with his handwritten changes and revised blue pages.

Like other slapstick heavy comedies,** the descriptions are long because they are showing action and reaction movements, i,e, choreography.

Note in the sample scene below:
- It was written during production, all on a blue revised page.
- In the prior scene, Dewey and Wallace have broken out of prison, kidnapped a bunch of passengers to use their cars, and arrived at the new Governor's house, uninvited. 
- Only the old Governor knew of their undercover work.
- They are being pursued by Duke and his gang, and the warden (Gunnar).
- The Governor is hosting a dinner for the Japanese ambassador. 
- Dewey and Wallace are in costume, pretending to be Japanese interpreters.
- They want to show the new Governor the can of money they found in prison and get out of jail.

 THE PIE FIGHT

I.         LADY GETS THE FIRST PIE.
II.       HER HUSBAND LAUGHS.
III.      SHE GETS SORE AND GOES TO HIT HIM WITH A PIE.
IV.      HE DUCKS AND MAN IN BACK OF HIM GETS THE PIE.
V.        HE LETS ONE FLY AND A LADY AT THE OTHER TABLE GETS IT.
VI.      DUKE GRABS WALLACE.  HE STARTS TO DRAG HIM OFF.
VII.     DUKE GETS A PIE. HE LETS WALLACE GO.
VIII.   WALLACE TAKES OUT THE CAN OF MONEY.
IX.      LUGS SEES THE CAN.
X.       WALLACE TOSSES IT TO DEWEY.  LUGS TAKES IT FROM HIM.
XI.      LUGS STARTS TO SPLIT WITH THE CAN.
XII.     HE SLIPS ON THE FLOOR AND THE CAN GOES IN THE AIR.
XIII.    IT LANDS BACK IN DEWEY'S HANDS.
XIV.    DUKE WIPES HIS EYES AND SEES THE CAN. HE GOES AFTER IT.
XV.     WALLACE TAKES A KNITTING NEEDLE AND STICKS DUKE AS HE PASSES.
XVI.    DEWEY HAS THE CAN AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN TO THE GOVERNOR.
XVII.   A PIE HITS THE GOVERNOR. "THIS ISN'T GOING WELL."
XVIII.  DEWEY TAKES THE TOP OFF THE CAN.
XIX.     LUGS REACHES OVER THE TABLE AND GRABS THE MONEY CAN.
XX.       LUGS TURNS TO RUN AND GETS A PIE. THE CAN FLIES IN THE AIR.
XXI.     THE MONEY GOES FLYING.  THE GUESTS SPOT IT.
XXII.    THE GUESTS, DUKE, LUGS...GO FOR THE MONEY.
XXIII.   THE HOSTAGE GROUP COME IN. BILLY JO TRIES TO TAKE COMMAND.
XXIV.    WALLACE CAN'T SEE. DEWEY GETS A HOSE TO GET SOME WATER.
XXV.      DEWEY TURNS THE HOSE ON. THERE IS TOO MUCH PRESSURE.
XXVI.    EVERYBODY GETS THE WATER. LADIES DRESS IS HOSED OFF.
XXVII.   GOVERNOR SEES THIS AND SLUMPS IN HIS CHAIR.
XXVIII.  THE GOVERNOR'S WIFE STARTS TO YELL AT HIM. HE GIVES HER A PIE.
XXIX.     DUKE DRAWS A GUN.
XXX.      GUNNAR AND HIGHWAY PATROL ARRIVE: THEY HAVE GUNS OUT.
XXXI.     THEY FIRE A FEW SHOTS IN THE AIR TO STOP THE ACTIVITY.
XXXII.    DUKE TOSSES THE GUN TO DEWEY. DUKE SHOUTS THAT HE HAS A GUN.
XXXIII.   COP TAKES A BEAD ON DEWEY AND IS ABOUT TO FIRE.
XXXIV.   WALLACE SEES THIS AND LETS THE COP HAVE A PIE BEFORE HE CAN SHOOT.
XXXV.    WALLACE TAKES THE GUY FROM DEWEY AND TOSSES IT TO THE OTHER COP.
XXXVI.   WALLACE TELLS DEWEY TO EXPLAIN TO THE GOVERNOR; HE STARTS IN JAPANESE.
XXXVII.  THE COPS START TO TAKE DEWEY AND WALLACE OFF.
XXXVIII. THE GOVERNOR STOPS THEM. HE WANTS TO HEAR THE STORY.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I've never seen slapstick choreography boiled down to one page this efficiently, all action-reaction.  

They Went That-A-Way & That-A-Way (1978)(undated; revised)
by Tim Conway

*As frequently collaborator Harvey Corman said, "You can't take everything seriously. You have to break the mold."

** For example: Duck Soup and Monkey Business.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Crime of the Century (1996; TV movie) - When Exposition + Confrontation is All Done IN CHARACTER

[Quick Summary: In 1932, after the Lindbergh baby was ransomed (and then killed), the police pinpoint a carpenter with the money, but was he the kidnapper?]

GOOD SIGN #1: I lost track of time when I read this script.

GOOD SIGN #2: It upended my expectations - it begins with the police officer cleaning out his desk ("I was right"), but then we're shown why he was wrong.

Playwright, novelist, documentarian, screenwriter William Nicholson understands character.*  He also understands structure, which is why the script is so good.

For example, the scene below:
- This is not only exposition and confrontation, but it is all done IN CHARACTER. 
- Dr. Condon is a boaster, who is convinced Hauptmann is guilty.
- Parker, a detective, confronts him with contrary testimony.
- Now caught in a lie, Dr. Condon blusters his way through a response.
- Note Dr. Condon begins with exposition of what happened that night. It is interesting because it's true to his boasting character (contradicted few lines later).

INT. BAR - NIGHT

Dr. John Condon, orange blossom in hand, is telling his tale a fascinated audience of FELLOW DRINKERS. After many a telling, he has honed his story into quite a performance.

Parker enters while he speaks, and gets himself a drink, and listens.

CONDON: The cemetery's dark. Hauptmann is nervous, I can tell. I lead him to a bench. "Don't be afraid", I tell him. "We're alone." He gets calmer.  "Have you got the money?", he says. I way, "Wait, wait. Tell me your name." I'm playing for time, I want to get him talking, you understand. Give himself away somehow. He says, "Call me John." "Well John", I say, "Did you ever think of your own mother?" He's silent for a moment. Then, very low, "Yes", he says, and a tear comes into his eye. "Would I burn", he says, "if the baby's dead?"

This is greeted with a satisfying gasp from his appreciative audience.

LATER -

Dr. Condon is seated at a corner table with Parker, having accepted his offer of a drink.

CONDON: It's a tragic tale, a tragic tale, but perhaps some good can come out of it. I want no more children snatched from their cribs.

PARKER: Would you like to take a look at this, Dr. Condon?

CONDON: What is it?

PARKER: It's a copy of your interview with the police in the Bronx, shortly after Hauptmann's arrest.

Condon waves it away.

CONDON: So much heartbreak. We must look forward, not back.

PARKER: Perhaps you've forgotten what you said back then. You were unable to identify Hauptmann as the man you met in the cemetery. You were then warned that you yourself were under suspicion, as a possible accessory to the crime.

CONDON: I don't recall.

PARKER: Later you changed your evidence and identified Hauptmann, in court, as the man you met in the cemetery. Was that new testimony given under pressure, Dr. Condon?

CONDON: You mean, did I lie?

PARKER: I'm just trying to establish why you changed your evidence.

Condon's reply builds up into a spectacular display of outraged innocence. As his voice grows ever louder, all eyes in the bar are drawn to the little group in the corner.

CONDON: No sir, I did not lie. Who are you to walk in here and call me a liar? I offered my services to Colonel Lindbergh with no hope of reward. I have given thousands of hours of my life, and I am an old man, sir, there is little enough of my life left, thousands of hours, for the sake of justice, and my country, and yes, for that little murdered angel, and you come in here and accuse me of lying?

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:  The structure of this scene (exposition, then confrontation) is wonderful.  

However, I noticed it was not really the dialogue, but the character (Condon's reaction) that was so riveting. 

Crime of the Century (1996; TV movie)(10/4/95, revised)
by William Nicholson
Based on the book, "The Airman and the Carpenter," by Ludovic Kennedy

*According to IMDB, actress Debra Winger won an Oscar nomination for Shadowlands (1993). She praised Nicholson's script to New York Times by calling it "the most literate script I've ever read. I was sad every day that I wouldn't ever say those lines again."

TODAY'S NUGGET: Primal Fear (1996) - Why EXPAND the Intro from One to Three Pages?

[Quick Summary: A defense attorney volunteers to defend a 19 y.o. street kid who is accused of murdering the Archbishop.]

I do not often read earlier drafts since too many things can affect the final shooting script, even weather or change of directors!

However, I happened to see the first page of an early draft of this script and was struck by the REASON for the changes. 

IN THE EARLY DRAFT: Vail, the defense attorney, is being interviewed by a magazine writer, who asks if a funny courtroom story was true. It wraps up p.1.

IN THE LATER DRAFT: This one pager is expanded to three pages, and I do like this version much better.

Why is the expansion? It shows Vail's point of view on the law. It sets the tone, as well as our expectations of what this ride will be like.

What does it look like on the page? Over a black screen with credits, page one begins with the magazine writer and Vail discussing that funny courtroom story.

The second page begins:

INT. VAIL'S OFFICE - DUSK

Tight on a sputter water faucet and hands. Into a cup, splash to the face and mouth. Vail. Tuxedo shirt on. Studs finally in place. Top button undone. Tie drapes over his shoulder.

VAIL: Truth? How do you mean? 

In the adjacent room, a magazine writer sits at a coffee table cluttered with notes, pencils, ashtray and ashes.

CONNERMAN: Well, I'm not sure how many ways there are to mean it.

Vail appears in the bathroom door attempting to knot the bow tie of his tuxedo.

VAIL: There's only one? One truth? (loudly) Naomi!! (shrugs) You're right there's only one that matters -

NAOMI CHANCE, an attractive Black woman comes in from another room. Vail needs her help with the tie. To Connerman, continuing - 

VAIL: The one I create in the minds of those twelve men and woman sitting on the jury. If you want to call that the illusion of truth? - well, that's up to you.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: The early draft laid out a good foundational p.1, which the later draft was able to build upon.  

Also, I wouldn't be surprised if the early draft exposed the need for a deeper explanation, as found in the latter draft.

Primal Fear (1996)(6/13/94* and 4/10/95, revised)
Written & revised by Steve Shagan
Based on the novel by William Diehl

*Trivia: I was particularly interested in this earlier draft, in large part because its author was the great thriller writer Steven Zaillian.

TODAY'S NUGGET: The Mummy (1999) - What Sets an Action/Adventure Script Apart? Behavior Expressing Inner World

[Quick Summary: An English teacher, her brother, and an ex-Legionnaire seek buried treasures, unaware they're about to unleash a vengeful mummy.]

Q: You've read a lot of action/adventure scripts.
A: Why, yes; yes, I have.

Q: If I'm writing one, what are you looking for, on a basic craft level?
A:  Does this script know it's an action/adventure? Does it deliver the tropes (movement, conflict, often locations/travel) in a smooth read?

Q: What are you looking for, on a creativity level?
A: Most writers can handle action/adventure.  ex. Car A crashes into Car B.  

What many writers find difficult is adding character.  ex. Angry at the failure to heed the stop sign, Driver A tailgates Driver B, who drives super-slow to infuriate A.

Q: So how can I add character (motives, traits, conflicts, etc.)?
A: Focus on the behavior as a physical expression of the character's internal world.

Notice in the scene below how the writer

INT. FOYER - NIGHT

O'Connell and Jonathan race into the foyer. See Henderson's shriveled body on the floor. O'Connell runs up to Evelyn's door and rattles the knob, still locked. He bends down and looks in through the KEYHOLE. [Maybe looking through the keyhole means O'Connell is jealous?]

INT. EVELYN'S ROOM - NIGHT

Imhotep cups Evelyn's face in his hands, his HANDS instantly begin to DEGENERATE and DECAY. He leans in to kiss her. [Imhotep's desire is so strong that he's willing to decay just to kiss her.]

The door starts to CRASH and BANG from O'Connell and Jonathan trying to break in. Imhotep ignores them. And KISSES Evelyn. His lips and mouth instantly start to DEGENERATE and DECAY as he kisses her. Right down to the bone.  [Imhotep is undaunted by interruptions.]

The door BURSTS OPEN with a CRASH. Evelyn wakes-up from her trance. Sees Imhotep's rotted mouth kissing her. She SCREAMS and shoves him away. Imhotep's putrid mouth grimaces in sadness. O'Connell storms in.  [The verb "storms" has added importance to it.]

O'CONNELL: Get your hands off my girl, pal. [First verbal indication of deeper feelings for Evelyn.]

Imhotep's sadness turns to anger as he spins around and faces O'Connell. Imhotep licks his fetid lips. O'Connell smirks. 

O'CONNELL: Nice lips.

Imhotep starts to move for O'Connell. O'Connell smiles. [This is confident reaction, and unusual because the bad guy is coming at you.]

O'CONNELL: Figured you might be here, so I brought a friend.

He trows the white cat at Imhotep. Imhotep instinctively catches it. He SHRIEKS, drops the cat and stumbles back toward the window, --which suddenly BLOWS OPEN.

Imhotep CRIES OUT, spins like a dervish, then literally BURSTS INTO A WHIRLWIND OF SAND. Everybody covers their eyes. The Imhotep/sand-devil EXPLODES out the window and vanishes over the compound.  [I like the explosion into a sand-devil because it was unexpected action, but also a good manifestion of Imhotep's inner rage.]

Jonathan aims his gun at the window, his hand shaking badly. O'Connell hugs Evelyn close as she wipes her mouth in disgust. Daniels walks in, looks at Henderson's shriveled body on the floor...and drops the martini glasses. SMASH!

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Behavior with a deeper meaning (of a character's motives, wounds, conflicts) will always set an action/adventure script apart.

The Mummy (1999)(3rd draft, 11/21/97)
by Stephen Sommers

TODAY'S NUGGET: Rueben Rueben (1983) - Foreshadowing the Woman Who Will Make Him Earn Her Respect

[Quick Summary: Womanizing, drunk Scottish poet, who hasn't written in years, is spun around when he meets an unimpressed young woman.]

Of all the many, many scripts he had written,* Julius Epstein said that THIS SCRIPT was the one he was most proud of (though not heard of much).**

Gowan McGland is a droll, clever poet, who is doing the lecture circuit in upstate New York.  He is also doing every female in sight and drinking himself blind.

His central problem is put best by his friendly, estranged wife Edith: "The trouble with you, Gowan, is that you've always wanted unearned fruits." 

Soon, Gowan will be meeting beautiful college student Geneva, who does not play Gowan's games.  He will have to earn her respect.

I thought it was interesting how the writer decided to foreshadow this high level of doggedness by showing it first in Geneva's mom (scene below).

NOTES:
- Mare and husband George are chicken farmers. Their daughter is Geneva.
- Mr. and Mrs. Springer are "commuters" to NY. Their son is Tad.
- The Springers didn't want Tad to date chicken farmers' daughter, and sent him away to college.
- Mare was more upset than everyone. Now she takes it out on all commuters.
- There are eggs on the shelf behind Mare.

EXT. FARMHOUSE - DAY

...Mare and George make an appearance. George stays in the b.g. With Mare, what else can he do? Mare fastens a deadpan glance at Mrs. Beausaigneur, who adopts a nervous manner of false bonhomie.

MRS. BEUSEIGNEUR: Good evening. Getting quite coolish, isn't it? (no answer from Mare) I'd like a few of your wonderful fryers. Last week, when you didn't have any left, my husband was so disappointed. He says no one else has such delicious ones as you have. Four, please?

MARE: We're out of fryers.

MRS. BEUSEIGNEUR: Oh. Then can I have two broilers.

MARE: We're out of broilers.

MRS. BEUSEIGNEUR: Oh, dear. (pause, then with some desperation) My husband isn't really a commuter. he gets off at Stamford. Why, we don't even take the New York Times, except on Sundays.

MARE: Occupation?

MRS. BEUSEIGNEUR: Investment adviser.

MARE: Place of residence?

MRS. BEUSEIGNEUR: Vineyard Acres, we're practically neighbors (a little apologetic laugh) Oh, I know we're making it a bit crampedish for you, but -- (nervous laugh) You see, Lester telephoned me just now to ask could he bring a friend, a classmate home for dinner. I thought, Gawd, the house is an absolute shambles, and I'm not a short order cook. But maybe if I could fricassee a few -- (puts her hand on Mare's arm. Mare pulls away) As I say, his office is in Stamford. If you ever need any advice on investments -- (an idea hits her) He's thinking of driving in on the Thruway. Not taking the train at all.

MARE: Sorry. No chickens.

MRS. BEUSEIGNEUR (desperation time): Then I'd better make an omelet. Two dozen eggs, please.

MARE: We're out of eggs.

MRS. BEUSEIGNEUR (exploding): I didn't jilt your daughter. My husband didn't jilt your daughter. Yet you make us drive clear down to town for chickens -- frozen ones at that! -- because somebody else did. If that isn't paranoid, what is!

She storms out, slamming the screen door.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: On my first read, I thought this was an amusing side story. On a closer read, it's really a more interesting way to foreshadow.

Rueben Rueben (1983)
by Julius J. Epstein
Based on the novel by Peter DeVries, and the play by Herman Shumlin

*Including: Casablanca, Yankee Doodle Dandy, Arsenic and Old Lace, Four Daughters films, etc.  

For more insights on a fascinating career, I'd recommend his in-depth interview in Naked Screenwriting (2021).

**The script is great, but I wondered if it's almost too clever a play to translate well to film?  I am looking forward to seeing the finished film.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Life with Father (1947) - How to Show Cupid's Arrow Has Landed (Setup-Payoff)

[Quick Summary: In the 1880s, Father rules the roost (not really) with a clever wife and four red-headed boys.]

A colleague recommended this film to me, though I'd not heard of it.

Once I saw the line up of talent,* I knew I had to find the script.

Comedy is often based on reversals. The unexpected and ironic makes us laugh, especially when Cupid is involved.  So how can those arrows land with a big laugh?

FIRST: Set up the status quo.  

ex. Prior to the scene below, we see 18 y.o. Clarence told to practice his violin, which he does not like.  Also he is irritated he has to give his room up to visiting guests.

SECOND: Create conflict or a change.

ex. In the scene below, he meets one of the guests (Mary).

THIRD: Show change(s) in behavior that directly contradict previous behavior.

ex. In the scene below, he is playing violin and happy to have given up his room.

FULL SHOT  TOP OF STAIRS

Vinnie and Cora exit into the bedroom. Mary looks down the stairs to Clarence at the foot of the stairs.  Clarence with his violin starts toward the parlor.

MARY: Cora didn't tell me about you. I never met a Yale man before.

Clarence turns, almost smiling.

MARY: Oh, you play the violin.

CLARENCE: I fool with it a little.

MARY: You're just being modest.

CLARENCE: No, really --

MARY: I play the piano -- not awfully well, but --

CLARENCE: Now you're being modest.

MARY: Do you play duets?

CLARENCE: I haven't up to now.

MARY: Neither have I -- up to now.

She gives him a devastating smile, turns and hurries up stairs. At the far end of the hall John enters carrying the bags. He notices Clarence staring ecstatically up after Mary.

JOHN: What happened to you?

CLARENCE (dazedly): Nothing -- I feel fine.

Clarence lifts his violin and starts to play "Sweet Genevieve" passionately as John continues up the stairs with the bags looking back at Clarence with amazement.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I really liked that there's no talk of love or falling in love.  The character doesn't even know what hit him!  Yet all there in his odd behavior.

Life with Father (1947)(2/6/46 final draft)
by Donal Ogden Stewart and Robert Buckner
From the play by Howard Lindsay and Russel Crouse

*First, I'll read anything written by Donald Ogden Stewart (Philadelphia Story). Second, I'll see anything directed by Michael Curtiz (Casablanca) at least once.  Then there's one of my favorite actors William Powell (Thin Man), the talented comedy heroine Irene Dunne (Awful Truth), and a young Elizabeth Taylor.   

Also, each one of the above is an Oscar winner or nominee.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Little White Lies (unproduced) - In a Rom-Com, Pain + Truth = Funny (& Intimacy)

[Quick Summary: After Lisa meets Paul at a Fourth of July party, she refuses to see him except on holidays.]

As you may know, I generally don't post unproduced scripts...unless there's merit.

This is a really good rom-com, which is scarcer than hens' teeth.*

One of the keys to a good rom-com is nailing the intimacy between the two leads. 

But how do you create that, especially in this age of social media oversharing?

According to my gold standard reference on the rom-com, Writing the Romantic Comedy (2020, 20th Anniversary ed.) by Billy Mernit

Pain + truth = funny.

...no matter how excruciating their public exposure may have been, the experience has somehow brought them a little closer together.  

This special kind of earned intimacy is typical of romantic comedy relationships.  Both man and woman have been exposed. But instead of alienating them, being in this nightmare together puts them on equal footing and even creates a tacit bond:  they're the special ones who've shared a little hell and lived to tell about it.  (Ch. 9: The Art of Funny)

In p. 1-3 of the script (below):
- We see how the writer immediately puts the couple in a nightmarish situation, which leads to an equal footing. 
- Note also the incredible vulnerability, which required alcohol to get to the truth.

LISA: Happy Fourth of July.

PAUL: Happy Fourth of July.

LISA: I had to have four drinks before I had the courage to come out here and talk to you. [Vulnerability]

PAUL: I didn't mean to frighten you.

LISA (takes another drink; then): You look like a man of the world. [Vulnerability]

PAUL: Within reason.

LISA: The kind of man a woman can be terribly honest with.

PAUL: Am I that obvious?

LISA: The sort of man with whom a woman can share her most intimate thoughts.

PAUL: It's like you've known me all my life.

LISA: I know you're mature enough to handle what I'm about to tell you.

PAUL: I'll do my best.

LISA:  Ready?

PAUL: Ready.

LISA: Your fly's open.  [Vulnerability, especially for well brought up Lisa]

Paul looks, and indeed the zipper on his pants is down. As he pulls the zipper up with one hand, he is very cool about it.

LISA (continuing): I had to tell you. You looked so vulnerable walking around that. [Truth]

PAUL: I appreciate it. There's nothing worse at a party than not really knowing why people keep smiling at you. [Pain + Truth]

LISA: For a minute I thought you were a flasher. Then I said to myself, "That man has too much on the ball to be a flasher. If he was one, he'd be flashing all the way." [Pain + Truth]

PAUL: I appreciate your vote of confidence. [Truth + Bond is forming]

LISA: I liked you the minute I saw you. Do you know how I knew?

PAUL: How?

LISA:  You're wearing blue underwear. I could never get close to a man who wears basic white. [Pain + Truth]

PAUL: I haven't any secrets left. [Hinting at the theme of white lies]

LISA: Secrets are for children. (then) Are you married? [Echoing theme]

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Your lead characters will only feel something if there's vulnerability, intimacy, i.e., create scenes where they share an exposing experience.

Little White Lies (unproduced)(undated; perhaps 1980s?)
by Stanley Shapiro

*It was written by veteran rom-com writer Stanley Shapiro who had an amazing run in the 1960s: Pillow Talk; Operation Petticoat; Lover Come Back; Oscar winning That Touch of Mink; Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.

TODAY'S NUGGET: Copycat (1995) - Invisible (Yet Clear) Transitions During Rising Conflict

[Quick Summary: An agoraphobic psychologist must overcome fear to work with a homicide detective hunting a copycat serial killer.] 

I am always interested in reading scripts by Frank Pierson (Dog Day Afternoon, Cool Hand Luke) or Jay Presson Allen (Prince of the City, Cabaret).*

So I was surprised to stumble across this script with them both listed.**

Both of them have put in a lot of hours in the salt mines, which I think it shows best in how they craft the transitions.  

One way I like to judge transitions is whether the script can direct the mind's eye crisply from shot to shot, or into and out of a scene (good flow), without confusion.

I give extra bonus points for the fewest amount of words (economy).

Here is a great example below.  Notice the clarity of rising conflict and flow (people on shore --> body in water --> boats --> doc --> cop). 

EXT. BAYSIDE RESTAURANT - BELVEDERE OR SAUSALITO - DAY

A BRIGHT LOVELY DAY, PEOPLE DINING AND DRINKING IN THE SUN, on a deck that faces the Bay and San Francisco's towers beyond. Young people, drinks in hand, dressed to go to a summer wedding, mingle and laugh and chatter. A young woman stands leaning back against the wooden rail, her back to the Bay. A young man faces her, talking, laughing. HE LEANS CLOSE TO WHISPER IN HER EAR AND SHE LEANS BACK, DRAWING HIM CLOSER TO HER - SEXY! AS HE WHISPERS HE CAN SEE OVER HER SHOULDER INTO THE WATER BELOW.

REVERSE, CLOSE: YOUNG MAN - His face registering horror at what he sees: he shops speaking, and the GIRL turns to look down to see what it is he's looking at, and begins to SCREAM...

THEIR P.O.V.

Below, floating in the water is ANDY, wearing his bright jacket, except it's not all of Andy. HIS HEAD IS MISSING.

                                                                                            CUT TO:

REVERSE: (TIME HAS PASSED). FROM WHAT WOULD BE ANDY'S P.O.V. - FACES LOOKING DOWN   M.J., QUINN, SAKS AND CORONER'S MEN...

THEIR P.O.V.     NOW RUBBER BOATS HAVE BEEN TIED IN A RING AROUND THE BODY. DOC IS DOING HIS WORK, PREPARATORY TO LIFTING THE BODY OUT OF THE WATER...

HE PULLS A WALLET OUT OF THE POCKET AND HOLDS IT UP TO THE PEOPLE ABOVE.

M.J. TAKES IT. BEGINS TO LOOK THROUGH IT...    SHE IS NUMB WITH EXHAUSTION AND SORROW.

                                                                                         CUT TO:

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I was really impressed that I didn't notice the transitions at all.  Somehow it was one less barrier to experiencing the characters' P.O.V.

Copycat (1995)(3rd draft, dated 7/4/94)
by Frank Pierson and Ann Biderman and Jay Presson Allen

* For further reading, these are excellent interviews: Pierson, Allen.

**They're not formally credited, so I presume this was a re-write job.

TODAY'S NUGGET: The French Dispatch (2021) - Contrast of food (comfort) + Emergency (anxiety) = Funny

[Quick Summary: Anthology of 3 stories from the French outpost of a fictional magazine (artist in prison, student revolt, kidnapped son of police commissaire).]

In this film, Bill Murray plays the recently deceased editor-in-chief of The French Dispatch.  His writers have gathered to write his obituary. 

However, most of the film is about three write ups for the magazine. 

I particularly thought the kidnapping one was vastly creative, character driven, and pushed the heights of fun farce and ridiculousness.

Roebuck Wright is the food writer who is sent to interview a famous chef.  He oddly chooses Nescaffier, the Commissaire's chef, who is adept at food-on-the-run.

A crime syndicate kidnaps the Commissaire's son in exchange for an imprisoned accountant.  But hurrah! A hint and the Commissaire roars into action!

I really liked the split screen of the Commissaire eating while working on site.  The contrast of food (comfort) + emergency (anxiety) = funny.  

Here is a partial sample:

MONTAGE:

Split-screen: on the right, the Commissaire, seated at the workbench table in the locksmith shop, speaks excitedly to the Chou-fleur while eating continuously with his left hand only; on the left, a small, speckled, boiled egg split open to reveal layers of whipped yolk  mousse.

    ROEBUCK WRIGHT (V.O.)                        COMMISSAIRE
To start: deviled eggs of the                   Send a commando unit to secure
precinct, canary served in                      all access points to the south
shells of its own meringue.                    and west.

On the right, the Commissaire, seated at the workbench table in the locksmith shop, speaks excitedly to Maman while eating continuously with his left hand only; on the left: a saucer of gibiers and fruits des bois.

    ROEBUCK WRIGHT (V.O.)                        COMMISSAIRE
Next: kidneys poached with                  Send a guerrilla detachment to
plums from the mayor's rooftop           block all egress routes to the
arbor.                                                          east and north.

On the right, the Commissaire illustrates (using arrows and X's) his scheme/strategy on one of the building floor plan maps; on the left, small boulettes shaped and packaged like a bowl of candies.

     ROEBUCK WRIGHT (V.O.)                        COMMISSAIRE
Then: minced lamb bon-bons in         Drill tunnels (circumference:
pastry wrappers.                                     75 mm) through the partition
                                                                    walls of all three adjacent
                                                                    buildings.

On the right, teenage boys and girls in shooting costumes perch among high chimney tops; on the left. another thermos.

     ROEBUCK WRIGHT (V.O.)                        COMMISSAIRE
Blase oyster soup.                                 On the rooftops: amateur
                                                                  snipers from the local hunting
                                                                  club.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED: Don't be afraid to go split screen and show contrast for an existential laugh. 

ex. Roebuck Wright is reporting on the food in rapturous detail (extravagant lifestyle channel) while the Commissaire plots a rescue (true crime channel).

The French Dispatch (2021)
by Wes Anderson
Story by West Anderson & Roman Coppola & Hugo Guinness & Jason Schwartzman