[Quick Summary: After Young Sherlock Holmes meets Young Watson boarding school, they investigate the murders of several unconnected men.]
This scene below is a particularly good example of 2 craft points:
1) STRUCTURE vs. STYLE vs. FORMAT. I used to think that screenwriting structure was as simple as copying other writer's format and style.
I'm embarrassed to say how long it took me to realize that these are NOT structure.
Structure is the skeleton underneath, ex. setups, payoffs, conflict, etc. Here, Bentley has just been hit with a blow dart (setup) and we will see the effect (payoff).
Format is how the page looks and flows, ex. short or long paragraphs, etc. Here, the script reads fast because of the short sentences that increase the pace.
Style is how the writer expresses his way of telling the story (voice), ex. bare bones sentences, phrases, etc. Here, Columbus makes every sentence/phrase a single shot.
2) HALLUCINATIONS. Columbus had to make the hallucinations visible to the audience. Notice how he shows chaos first --> shows the calm reality second.
ex. INT. RESTAURANT
Bentley SITS at a table. AWAITING his dinner.
The waiter delivers a covered, STERLING SILVER TRAY to Bentley's table. Bentley stuffs a CLOTH NAPKIN into the top of his shirt collar. The waiter REMOVES the tray's cover.
A LARGE BARBECUED PHEASANT sits on Bentley's plate. Bentley LICKS his lips. HUNGRY.
Bentley lifts his KNIFE and FORK. Ready to CUT into his dinner.
He brings down his fork. STABBING the pheasant.
The bird COMES TO LIFE! SCREECHING! SNARLING!
Its eyes are VICIOUS. ANGRY. Its sharp beak SNAPS like a dragon. The deadly claws are LONG. the fingernails RAZOR SHARP.
Bentley JUMPS BACK.
The creature LEAPS from the plate! Onto Bentley's CHEST!
The wild bird CLAWS AND PECKS at Bentley's face!
Bentley CRIES OUT! In PAIN!
The bird continues to ATTACK! Its sharp claws RIP APART Bentley's face.
Bentley raises his BLOODIED HANDS. He TEARS the bird from his face. THROWING it onto the floor.
Bentley JUMPS UP. RUNNING to the door.
The restaurant OWNER hurries over to Bentley.
OWNER: Mr. Bobster...What is it? Is something wrong?
Bentley TURNS back to his table.
The bird is no longer ALIVE. It RESTS on the plate. In its original POSITION. CALM. As if it HADN'T MOVED.
Bentley looks at his HANDS. They are CLEAN. No sign of BLOOD. He feels his FACE. UNBLEMISHED. NOT A SCRATCH.
Bentley TURNS. LOOKING around the restaurant.
Everyone STARES at Bentley. CUSTOMERS. WAITERS. Even the COOKS have comes out of the kitchen. Everyone is PUZZLED by his strange outburst.
Bentley STARES. CONFUSED. Was it a HALLUCINATION?
Bentley GRABS his hat and coat. DASHING out of the restaurant. FRIGHTENED.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: I'd forgotten how boring it is to watch a character experiencing a hallucination. The audience needs to SEE the hallucination too.
Young Sherlock Holmes (1985)(rev. draft, 5/25/84)
by Chris Columbus
Based on the characters of Arthur Conan Doyle
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